Never Be Held Hostage
Leading at the Edge How to Get the Best out of Yourself and Others Presenter: George Kohlrieser, Ph.D. Professor of Leadership and Organizational Behavior IMD, Switzerland San Francisco, USA March 31, 2015 Tel. + 41 (0)21 618 01 73 www.georgekohlrieser.com © 2014 IMD International. Not to be used or reproduced without permission. © 2015 George Kohlrieser. Not to be used or reproduced without permission. IMD Never Be Held Hostage I am the master of my fate I am the captain of my soul From “Invictus” by William Ernest Henley © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com 1 8 Pillars of High Performance Leadership 1. Leading from the Mind’s Eye 2. Cycle of Bonding Motivation, Inspiration, Resilience 3. Leader as Secure Base Creating Trust to Drive Change 4. The Power of Language 5. Conflict Resolution 6. Power of Dialogue Influencing & Persuading Resolving Differences Building Bridges with Common Understandings 7. High Impact Negotiation 8. Managing Emotions The Power of Focus The Art of Concession-Making Creating High Energy © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com Leading from the Mind’s Eye STATE RESULTS MIND’S EYE PAST EXPERIENCES FUTURE Keeping Your FOCUS Negative Focus (Pain) Positive Focus (Benefit) Playing not to Lose Playing to Win © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com 2 Do People Naturally Resist Change? • People do not naturally resist change; they resist the pain of change and the fear of the unknown. • The neuron system of the brain is hardwired to seek expansion through curiosity, exploration, learning, and change. • When leaders are a secure base and trustworthy, followers will trust the leader to guide them through the change. • People resist being changed – “reactance” and lack of influence. • When understanding and seeing the benefit of the change, most will embrace the pain of change. • There is always a benefit in every change – can we find it? © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com Don’t Be a Hostage to Anyone or Anything « I insist on being called a survivor, not a victim. A victim … means I somehow belong to somebody or I'm suffering because of him. I'm not suffering. I'm thriving. » Adrienne Haslet-Davis, Dance Instructor & Boston Bombing Survivor © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com 3 Are You a Hostage? PHYSICAL HOSTAGE PSYCHOLOGICAL HOSTAGE © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com Loss Aversion and Negativity Dominance A single cockroach will completely wreck the appeal of a bowl of cherries, but a cherry will do nothing at all for a bowl of cockroaches. The negative trumps the positive in many ways, and loss aversion is one of many manifestations of a broad negativity dominance. Paul Rozin, psychologist © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com 4 Are You Holding Yourself Hostage? © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com Signs of an Amygdala Hijack 1. Strong emotional reaction Frontal Lobe 2. Sudden onset 3. Regret for your language or actions Amygdala © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com 5 Cycle of Bonding Attachment (comfort) Bonding Grief (interest) (identity) Separation (preparation) © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com Stages of Grief Gratitude Denial Acceptance Rationalization © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com 6 Leadership Turning Loss into Inspiration © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com 7 © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com 8 © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com 9 Photo credit: Express/Channel 5 Photo credit: Express/Channel 5 © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com 10 Mind Set Leader Grief Cycle Grateful Change State Better World “Share your grief, and it will be cut in half, Share your joy, and it will double” From joy comes inspiration © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com 11 Thoughts on Leadership “ It is always important to know when something has reached its end. Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters, it doesn't matter what we call it; what matters is to leave in the past those moments in life that are over. ” Paulo Coelho © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com What is a Secure Base? “A Secure Base is a person, place, goal or object that provides a sense of protection, gives a sense of comfort and offers a source of energy and inspiration to explore, take risks and seek change.” © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com 12 The Safety/Risk Balancing Act CARING DARING © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com The Strength of a Secure Base © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com 13 Examples of Secure Bases PEOPLE Mother PLACES Country EVENTS Wedding EXPERIENCES GOALS Childhood Achieve a Business Target OTHER Pets Father Home Funeral Adolescence Get a Promotion Beliefs Sibling Nature Sports Being a Student Become a Parent Religion Spouse City Disaster Boarding School Buy a House Ideology Teacher Village Accident University Life Gain a Qualification Special Objects Coach Town Crisis Being a Parent Run a Marathon Symbols Marriage Change a Relationship Memories Birth of Child Have a Family Recover from an Illness Rituals Boss Park Graduation Authority Figure Sea Peer Mountains Engagement Employment Prayers Subordinate Jungle Promotion Career Work Friend Beach Hobbies Ancestors Office Money Music Poetry Books © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com Playing to Win: Your Secure Bases People Places Events Experiences Beliefs Goals Symbols Other © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com 14 Characteristics of Secure Base Leadership 1. Remains calm, composed & grounded vs. amygdala hijack 2. Accepts & values the individual vs. judging and criticising 3. Sees the potential in the individual vs. the current state 4. Tends to use listening, dialogue and inquiry vs. advocacy 5. Creates bull’s eye transactions though the targeted use of words and gestures vs. 6. Directs Mind's Eye and focus towards the positive vs. negative 7. Encourages risk, provides opportunities and challenges to stretch vs. overcontrolling 8. Inspires through intrinsic motivation vs. extrinsic motivation 9. Believed to be accessible “anywhere, anytime” vs. unavailable and detached rambling or remaining aloof © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com Secure Base Leadership © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com 15 Leadership as Belayership © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com Types of Motivation Intrinsic Motivation Extrinsic Motivation Learning Money, Bonus Challenge Awards or Honors Growth, Self-Development Fame Fun, Excitement or Novelty Promotions Desire to contribute or make a difference Scores on tests © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com 16 The Power of an Interaction Self Other B I B I E S E S Talking - Dialogue - Negotiation B E I S Body Emotions Intellectual Spirit © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com What is Conflict? Conflict is a Difference between two or more persons or groups characterised by Tension, Emotionality, Disagreement and Polarisation where bonding is broken or lacking. © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com 17 Conflict Begins when Bonding is Broken Attachment (comfort) Bonding Grief (interest) (identity) Separation (preparation) © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com Put the Fish on the Table Raise issues – don’t let them smell! © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com 18 Altered States & The Mind’s Eye © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com Altered States & The Mind’s Eye © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com 19 What Is Dialogue? Dialogue is seeking a greater truth by thinking together. William Isaacs © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com Effective Dialogue 聽 The Chinese character for listen contains the sub characters one heart, eye and ear – all of which we must use to truly listen. Listening is the first step in making dialogue effective. © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com 20 What Are the Blocks to Dialogue? Primary Blocks: •Passivity •Discounting •Redefinition •Over Detailing Secondary Blocks: •Over Rational •Over Emotional •Over Generalization •Abstraction •Lack of Directness •Lack of Honesty © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com Stages of Negotiation 1. Create Bonding 2. Separate Person from Problem 3. Identify Needs and Wants of Self 4. Identify Needs and Wants of Other 5. Dialogue 6. Create a Goal 7. Options and Proposals 8. Mutual Gain 9. Contract 10. Relationship Continues or Ends on a Positive Note © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com 21 The Law of Reciprocity © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com Organizational Bonding 1. Members Want to Belong 2. Commitment to Goals 3. Dialogue with Mutual Respect 4. Creative Leadership 5. Maximum Self-regulation © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com 22 The Six Leadership Styles at a Glance © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com Foundations for High Performance Leadership Self-Awareness Self-Management •Emotional self-awareness: •Self-control: the ability to read and understand your emotions as well as recognize their impact on work performance, relationships, and the like. •Accurate self-assessment: a realistic evaluation of your strengths and limitations. •Self-confidence: a strong and positive sense of self-worth. Social Skill •Visionary leadership: the ability to take charge and inspire the ability to keep disruptive emotions with a compelling vision. and impulses under control. •Influence: the ability to wield a •Trustworthiness: range of persuasive tactics. a consistent display of honesty and •Developing others: the integrity. propensity to bolster the abilities •Conscientiousness: of others through feedback and guidance. the ability to manage yourself and your responsibilities. •Communication: skill at listening and at sending clear, •Adaptability: convincing, and well-tuned skill at adjusting to changing situations messages. and overcoming obstacles. •Change catalyst: proficiency in •Achievement orientation: initiating new ideas and leading people in a new direction. the drive to meet an internal standard of excellence. •Conflict management: the ability to de-escalate •Initiative: disagreements and orchestrate resolutions. a readiness to seize opportunities. Social Awareness -Empathy: skill at sensing other people's emotions, understanding their perspective, and taking an active interest in their concerns. •Organizational awareness: the ability to read the currents of organizational life, build decision networks, and navigate politics. •Service orientation: the ability to recognize and meet customers' needs. •Building bonds: proficiency at cultivating and maintaining a web of relationships. Source: Goleman, 2003 •Teamwork and collaboration: competence at promoting cooperation and building teams. © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com 23 Stages of a Transition 1 Endings: – Relinquishing the old, letting go, separating, saying good-bye 2 The Neutral Zone: – The gap where confusion and even chaos exists, emotions in turmoil, pull between the past and future. 3 New Beginnings: – A new identity and new reality emerge with mindset and emotional shifts Based on the work of William Bridges © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com Identity & Life Roles Self Personal Roles Goals, Visions, Ethics Procedures, Values © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com 24 Change and Loss • Loss of attachment – • Loss of territory – • Loss of structure – • Loss of identity – (who am I connected to ?) (where do I belong ?) (what is my role ?) • (who am I ?) • Loss of future – • Loss of meaning – • Loss of control – (where am I going ?) (what is the point ?) ( I feel overwhelmed) © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com What Does Playing to Win Mean? Ref: G. Kohlrieser, D. Coombe & S. Goldsworthy © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com 25 Brain Facts 100 billion neurons each capable of 10,000 connections 1,000 million to one million trillion possible neuron connections 25,000 neurons can fit on the head of a pin without touching each other Growing new neurons and new connections: •Emotional bonding •Active Curiosity •Deliberate Practice •Challenging Learning •Physical Exercise •New experiences involving pleasure or pain © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com Rewiring the Brain The brain hardwires anything it can It is a jungle in your brain for space & attention Working memory vs. Hardwiring Attention & Focus change the brain The art of focusing attention holds in place brain circuits associated with what is focused on Insight is the heart of learning © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com 26 Thoughts on High Performance Leadership Emotions are not the intangible and vaporous qualities that many presume them to be. Brain systems work together to give us emotions just as they do with sight and smell. If you lose the ability to feel, your life and the lives of people around you can be devastated. Antonio R. Damasio © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com www.georgekohlrieser.com © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com 27 George Kohlrieser on TED http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9Z9z_Fd3Bw © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com George’s Golden Nuggets for High Performance • Guiding Vision – Keeping your “Eye on the Ball” • Find Energy and Passion for the Benefit of the Outcome • Focus on Positive States – Individual and Team • Use Imagination – Managing the “Mind’s Eye” • Manage Stress and Maintain Life Balance • Resolve Conflicts – “Clean the Fish” • Create Bonds and Build Relationships • Find Secure Bases and be a Secure Base for Others • “Never Be a Hostage” to Anyone or Anything • Focus on Excellence through Lifelong Learning • Rebond after Loss, Pain and Frustration • Play to Win by Living Your Dreams • Enjoy the ride – it will never happen again in the same way © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com 28 Thoughts on Leadership Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. Ralph Waldo Emerson © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com 29 Care to Dare CAREDARE TO UNLEASHI NG ASTONI SHI NG POTENTI AL THROUGH SECURE BASE LEADERSHI P GEORGE KOHLRIESER INTERNATIONAL, AWARD-WINNING, BEST-SELLINGAUTHOROF HOSTAGEATTHETABLE SUSAN GOLDSWORTHY DUNCAN COOMBE A BOOK © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com Foreign Editions © George Kohlrieser Ph D & Assoc 2015 www georgekohlrieser com 30
© Copyright 2024