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Saturday 8 March 2014
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eFFectiVe cOnFlict
ManaGeMent
hOW tO handle diSputeS in yOur
OrGaniSatiOn
paGeS 6-7
React or
respond?
Reactions are instinctive
but responses are
intellectual. Make the
right choice.
Pg 03
Pg 09
Pg 10
Pg 11
oPeN DIALoGUe
UN to the rescUe
coMPetItIoN Is GooD
Prepare for a fruitful dialogue
by first asking yourself the right
questions.
Learn how to prevent,
manage and isolate conflict
the United Nations way
Channel your competitive
nature towards conflict
resolution
2
mystarjob.com, saturday 8 March 2014
LiLy SayS
oh, that’S why!
NO one particularly enjoys conflict in personal relationships.
Yet if we ask people around us if they think some conflict is
necessary in healthy relationships, chances are, they’ll say yes.
So it’s a strange scenario. We know relationships become
stronger when we encounter and deal with conflict, yet when
a conflict occurs, we get uncomfortable. We get overly emotional or we pretend there isn’t a conflict at all!
I just read a very interesting paper called Conflict in Adult
Close Relationships: An Attachment Perspective by Paula
Pietromonaco, Dara Greenwood and Lisa Barrett, which
explains why different people react differently to relationship
conflicts.
According to the researchers, it has to do with the “attachment style” of individuals, which is the way we form bonds
with others.
If a person has a secure attachment style, they don’t view
conflicts as threats to the relationship. As a result, they are
able to communicate openly and can use various strategies
to negotiate a resolution.
For individuals with a preoccupied attachment style,
meaning they can be anxious in their relationships, conflict
triggers fears of abandonment.
Consequently, when conflict occurs, they display intense
emotion, “excessively focus on their own concerns” and “they
may have difficulty attending to the information conveyed by
their partners.”
Others have a dismissing-avoidant attachment style. These
folks are independent and self-reliant, possibly because they
believe others will be emotionally unresponsive to them.
When conflict occurs, individuals with this attachment
style may sense pressure to behave in a way that demonstrates emotional closeness, such as talking about their feelings.
They aren’t used to this and see it as a threat on their
independence. So what may occur is a deactivation of their
attachment system. As a result, they either “withdraw or
downplay the significance of the conflict”.
So here’s a quick self-awareness exercise. How do you react
to relationship conflicts, especially at the workplace? We all
work in highly diverse teams and conflict is inevitable in such
an environment. Are you an avoider? Do you get highly emotional? Can you work on this?
The road to effectively managing conflict begins with selfawareness. I used to have a dismissing-avoidant attachment
style, but I’m moving towards a secure style. What about
you?
This week’s pages will share more about conflict management, and I hope they’ll offer practical insights you can apply
to your situation.
Have a great week ahead. Don’t forget to continue sending your feedback and suggestions to us at mystarjob@
leaderonomics.com
try thiS!
By ZARA JAYNE
[email protected]
MANAGING conflict is always tough.
Some of us avoid it until one day it just
explodes, and personal and professional
relationships can be damaged.
We have to learn how to deal with it
instead of running away from it because
conflicts provide an opportunity to
strengthen bonds with one another.
Let’s look at how we can manage conflict better.
Do you have an opinion
you’d like to share with
us? Write to us at
mystarjob@
leaderonomics.com.
Please provide your full
name, occupation
(designation and
employer) and
telephone number.
What is the source of this conflict?
When did it start? Questions like these
will help you resolve the conflict better so
that you can address it immediately. Dig
deep and share concerns and frustrations
with each other.
“Peace is not the absence of conflict
but the presence of creative
alternatives for responding
to conflict – alternatives to passive
Want practical tips for
success on your way home
from work? We’re on
CapitaL FM
Adviser
RoshanThiRan
Editor
LiLyCheah
2 FinD the source
Don’t explode or show
your temper. Stay as calm as you
possibly can. Take deep breaths to
release your frustration.
willing to
5 Belisten
Listen and understand the other
side of the story before defending
yourself. Observe the feelings and
spoken words being expressed to
understand the other party.
The opinions expressed in this career guide are those of the writers or
the people they quoted and not necessarily those of Leaderonomics.
tUNE iN
EDITORIAL
Conflict especially in the workplace
won’t go away just by ignoring it.
Tensions start to build up and respect for
each other slowly starts to lessen. Deal
with it as soon as possible.
4 Keep calm
Be willing to cooperate with each
LiLY ChEAh
Editor, myStarjob.com
,
1 Don’t avoiD it
other to find a solution to the
conflict. We all have different
opinions and ideas so in order to
resolve the issue, there needs to be
a common ground where everyone
can agree on. Both parties need
to compromise to move forward
from this.
3 FinD a solution
Best wishes,
JoiN US!
5 tipS to MaNagE CoNFLiCt
88.9FM
in the
Klang
Valley
every Tuesday from
6pm to 7pm.
or aggressive responses, alternatives to
violence.” – Dorothy Thompson
“Do not think of knocking out another
person’s brains because he differs in
opinion from you. It would be as
rational to knock yourself on
the head because you differ from
yourself 10 years ago.” – Horace Mann
AssistantEditor
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OperationsLead
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mohdKhaiRuL
muhdhafeeZ
RaZZiah
“Whenever you’re in conflict with
someone, there is one factor that
can make the difference between
damaging your relationship and
deepening it. That factor is
attitude.” - William James
The World Health Organisation
reported violence
as the top worldwide
public health problem
in 1994.
Writers&Contributors
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mystarjob.com, saturday 8 March 2014
Do you React oR ResponD?
GReat LeaDeRs pRactise
the aRt of ResponDinG
By ROSHAN THIRAN
[email protected]
A
number of years ago, while
I was working in the United
States and having dinner in
a small city after work with
a colleague, a cockroach
whizzed past a woman sitting next to
us and went under her table.
The woman, seeing the cockroach
go past her and run onto her legs,
started screaming and kicking away at
the little bug.
She got up and started running
away at which point, many customers panicked by her reaction. As she
was jumping and screaming, the
cockroach moved to another table and
yet another woman joined the scream
and jump and run-for-dear-life club.
But as this was happening, the
waiter (with a smile) calmly went over
to the table where the cockroach had
now settled, and started observing the
insect.
Within seconds, he grabbed the bug
and quickly took it away, much to the
delight of the two women and many
other jittery diners. In fact, a few people clapped their hands in thanks to
the waiter.
As my colleague and I were finishing dinner, we started discussing this
amusing situation. A number of questions were asked. Among them were:
- Was the cockroach liable for the
melodramatic performance of the two
women?
- If so, why then was the waiter not
distressed or hysterical?
As we discussed this, a huge realisation dawned on us – in many cases, it
is not external factors that disrupt or
cause chaos in our world, but rather
our inability to handle such situations.
In many scenarios, we end up
reacting to a situation rather than
responding to it. Just think back to a
time when your boss yelled at you or
your spouse told you off. Did you react
in histrionics or did you respond as
needed to fuse the flame?
We sometimes react to the tiniest
issues. Imagine being late for a meeting and driving in a rush to get to the
meeting on time. But the traffic light
is red. Does the red light cause you to
get so angry and frustrated that you
start reacting “crazily” as the women
who encountered the cockroach did?
It is not the traffic light that disrupts
you but rather your inability to handle
the disturbance caused in your mind.
So, why do we react to the light?
It’s a ChoICe
Everything we do, we do by
choice. Everyday we make thousands
of choices from what to eat, say
or wear. So what is the difference
between reacting and responding?
Two different choices – a positive
and a negative choice. Choosing to
respond positively can dramatically
alter your life.
For example, if you are having dinner and your son knocks down and
breaks a precious vase on your table,
you have two choices – to react or
respond.
ChoiCe 1: ReaCt – We allow our
emotions to guide us and thoughts
of anger, pain and loss flash through
our minds. We
quickly react
with yelling,
anger, physical abuse and
other negative
reactions.
We end up
causing our son to
feel hostile, tense and
uncomfortable. And in the process,
we potentially damage the relationship. It is normal to feel these
emotions, but taking some time to
respond instead of reacting could
prevent this.
A few years ago, I was told a
story about a father who saw his
son scratch his newly polished
car. In a fit of anger, he took a
steel beam and whacked his son’s
hand causing his son to lose all his
fingers.
Later he read what his five-yearold son had written on the car
“Daddy, I love you”. Yet, his reaction
to the situation had caused his son
to forever lose his fingers.
I was really saddened by the story
and wished that the father had learnt
to respond instead of react.
ChoiCe 2: Respond – This is a
more positive approach. And it begins
by putting some distance between
you and the situation. A person who
responds to a situation will never let
emotions get the better of him or her.
In the case of the son breaking the
vase, the first thing would be to see if
everyone is OK and if anyone is hurt.
Quickly respond to anyone hurt. Then
calmly ensure that no one walks on
the tiny pieces of glass.
Quickly mobilise people to ensure
that the fragments are cleaned up.
Once you are calm, you can then discipline or discuss the situation with
your son.
From reaCtIve to
responsIve
So, how do you move from being
reactive to responsive? The same way
you develop any other skill – practice,
practice, practice. First, tell yourself
daily that you are going to become a
responsive person and never react.
Ideally, you should write this down
and come up with a plan. Here are
some other things you can do to
improve your responding ability:
1
Imagine circumstances where
you would be prone to react and
re-enact these with a responsive man-
eveRythinG we Do, we Do by choice.
eveRyDay we make thousanDs of
choices fRom what to eat, say oR
weaR. so what is the DiffeRence
between ReactinG anD ResponDinG?
two DiffeRent choices – a positive
anD a neGative choice. choosinG
to ResponD positiveLy can
DRamaticaLLy aLteR youR Life.
ner. The book I Am Malala is a story of
a young girl who was shot in the face
by the Taliban for speaking out for the
education of girls. Many times there
were death threats and she felt like
reacting to them.
At the age of 14, Malala began
to rehearse how she would respond
when confronted with a terrorist.
She says “I’d imagine that on my
way home a terrorist might jump
out and shoot me on those steps. I
wondered what I would do. Maybe
I’d take off my shoe and hit him, but
then I’d think if I did that there would
be no difference between me and a
terrorist.”
“It would be better to plead, ‘OK,
shoot me, but first listen to me.
What you are doing is wrong. I’m not
against you personally, I just want
every girl to go to school – including
your daughter. Now do with me what
you want.’”
By rehearsing the situation, Malala
was able to learn to respond instead
of react.
2
Learn to breathe - when you are
in a situation where you need
to react or respond, first breathe. By
focusing on our breathing instead
of instantly reacting, we will bring
our thinking under control. We may
eliminate thoughts that gear us up,
releasing them with each breath and
regaining our concentration.
3
Write out the words “Respond
vs. React” on sticky notes and put
them in places where you’ll constantly
see them. These reminders are crucial
for us to remind ourselves of our commitment.
4
Reflect at the end of each day on
your reaction vs reflection score.
Look back at each of your “situations”
and give yourself a score from one
to five. This reflection helps you to
learn from your reaction mistakes and
teaches you to be better at responding.
5
Finally, always create a gap
between you and the stimulus,
either time or distance, and then ask
yourself one of the following questions:
a) Is what just happened (the situation/crisis/issue) a big deal that will
ruin your life? If you really look at your
situation (i.e stuck in a traffic jam, son
broke a vase or boss scolds you), it will
probably not be something that will
be a big issue in the scheme of your
whole life.
b) Was the situation just an accident or intentional? People generally
never set out to cause unnecessary
hurt to you. If it was just an accident,
getting angry won’t enable you to get
back your vase. Sure, your son should
have known better but getting angry
won’t solve any problems.
c) Is this worth ruining relationships or friendships? Some of us get
personally attached to things but
relationships are far more important
to salvage. A little unneccesary “reaction” instead of a response can cause
significant friendships to go sour.
As you ask these questions, put
yourself in the other person’s shoes. Ask
yourself how would you like to be treated if you had committed the “accident”
instead of the other party? Be compassionate and listen before you respond.
Many of us know that we should
not react but we can’t stop ourselves.
It’s just human nature. So, we must
practise responding. Remember, reactions are instinctive; responses are
intellectual. And if you do end up
reacting (which we all do every so
often!), then quickly apologise.
It may be shocking to some of us
but we are NOT perfect and we are
always prone to the dumb “reaction”
instead of the wise “responding”, so
learn to apologise often.
Choose not to react but if it happens, remember that apologies are
the best medicine for reacting!
n Roshan Thiran is CEO of
Leaderonomics, a social enterprise
dedicated to making the world a less
reactive place. Respond to Roshan’s
article and discuss it at www.facebook.
com/roshanthiran.leaderonomics
mystarjob.com, saturday 8 March 2014
By EVA CHRISTODOULOU
eva.christodoulou@leaderonomics.
com
M
ANAGING conflict
among team members
is not the best part
of the role of a manager. It is, however, an
essential responsibility of the role, and
there will come a time when you have
to deal with some form of conflict in
the organisation.
In this article I would like to highlight some areas that managers
should consider when having to deal
with conflict in their teams.
INTERVENING QUICKLY
IN CASES OF CONFLICT
Managers should never shy away
from stepping in when they realise that
banter becomes bickering and when
people become hurt by comments of
their colleagues. In such cases, managers should step in and have a quiet
word with the parties involved.
They should inform both sides that
while friendly interaction is encouraged, it is important to respectfully do
this. It would be good if the manager
has a few examples that occurred –
inappropriate language or behaviour,
for instance – and use these if necessary to ensure all parties understand
what is acceptable and what not.
It is so much easier to do this at the
beginning, when you first notice these
signs of conflict and prevent the situation from exploding.
DEALING WITH
CONFLICT HEAD ON
If you ignore a conflict at an early
stage, it might escalate into something much harder to resolve. Some
of the potential causes of conflict at
work are obvious, and might include:
l Excessive personal use of email or
Internet
l Poor attendance and time keeping
l Any form of bullying behaviour or
harassment
l Any form of discriminatory behaviour
l Unacceptable language
l Theft
Put the FiSh
On the tAble
A guide FOr mAnAgerS
Some, are not so obvious but in the
long-term may result in conflict:
l Taking credit for other people’s
work or ideas
l Talking over people in meetings
l Not inviting team members to
team social events
l Not covering for people when they
are off sick
l Not taking messages for people
l Using someone else’s contacts or
customer information without
permission
l Not including people in group
emails
l Ignoring people or being impolite
Managers should not ignore any
such tensions either, and they should
often hold one-on-one informal chats
with team members to ensure that
such issues are brought up naturally
where possible. If they feel a problem
is brewing, they should be proactive
to initiate an informal discussion, and
take action before it grows.
REMOVING
EMPLOYEES FROM
CONFLICT SITUATIONS
If a conflict does blow up, managers
need to be prepared to remove the
people that are in conflict from the
situation. By removing and separating
them it protects them by giving them
time to calm down and prevents them
from saying things that may lead to
an even bigger conflict. Once they
are calm, the manager should have a
rational conversation with them and
start considering possible ways of
resolving the issue.
REMOVING A
DISRUPTIVE TEAM
MEMBER
In some occasions, the problem may
arise from a disruptive personality in
the team that seems to clash with all
others. In such cases, the manager
should consider whether it’s possible
to remove that individual to a different role or team that may be more
suited for him/her.
Any such change though should be
discussed with the individual, as well
as the team he/she would potentially
be joining. It’s quite common to have
an employee placed elsewhere, only to
find out the new team dynamics are
working against him/her, due to their
knowledge of the reasons for his/her
move.
If nothing seems to work, the manager may have to resort to disciplinary
process to ensure the individual
understands the gravity of the issue.
A disciplinary meeting will allow the
manager and human resources (HR)
to sit with the individual and clearly
explain the standards of behaviour
Collina was named
FIFA’s ‘Best
Referee of the
Year’ for six
consecutive years.
HE is best known for refereeing the 1999
UEFA Champions League Final between
Bayern Munich and Manchester United.
That match was deemed the most exciting final in the UEFA Champions League
history, simply because of the final two
goals that were scored during the stoppage
time by Manchester United, which made
them winner.
He is none other than Pierluigi Collina,
famous Italian former football referee
who was named FIFA’s “Best Referee
of the Year” for six consecutive years.
Celebrated as the best referee
during his time, Collina was
reputed for his sense of fairness despite great pressure
and his calm demenaour. He was
well-respected by the players,
managers and fans.
The memorable, big final
football matches that he
has refereed include the
World Cup 2002, Germany
v Brasil, Champions League
2009, Manchester United
v Bayern Munich and the
Olympics 1996, Argentina v Nigeria.
The former referee who was also
a financial consultant is now a
renowned speaker and talks to the
FOLLOWING UP ON
CONFLICTS AFTER
RESOLUTION
When old conflicts reoccur, there is
no slow brewing, as emotions are still
there and most likely still heated. It
is, therefore, important for managers
to ensure they follow up on conflicts
through informal chats to ensure that
the situation is resolved or remains
under control.
COMMUNICATING
PROCEDURES AND
POLICIES AVAILABLE TO
EACH EMPLOYEE
It is important that everyone knows
and understands the formal company
procedures in place for conflict resolution/discipline. And it is once again
the role of the manager to ensure
the whole team is aware of these, as
corporate world about leadership, decisionmaking and ways to succeed in life.
“Like for every Italian, football is something like a ‘religion’. When I was a child
I spent hours playing football with my
friends. I still remember these never-ending
matches played in the park with the posts
created using two stones or our sweaters,”
answers Collina when asked about how his
passion for football sparked.
“Then I entered in a football academy
and played as a sweeper until I was 17
years old. To be honest, when I was a
youngster, football had only 50% of my
‘heart’ as I had a big passion also for basketball. I was born in Bologna where this
game is very popular.”
At 17, Collina’s schoolmate suggested
that he participate in a referee course
which was arranged by the local referees’
society.
“When you are 17 you do things without
a specific reason, only to live a different
experience. I accepted but I never thought
to do it seriously. But things went very differently. Thirteen years later I refereed my
first Serie A match and I continued as active
referee until 2005.”
For a long part of his career, he also
worked on the side as a financial consultant.
Collina states that being considered the
best referee in football comes with a huge
responsibility. Nobody can accept that you
well as that efforts should be made
to resolve situations informally first
before resorting to the formal procedures.
A culture of open communication
on problems the team is having with
their job, colleagues or outside of work
should be established and encouraged, so issues are resolved in the
most natural, organic way as much as
possible.
USE ALL AVAILABLE
PROCEDURES TO
INVESTIGATE INCIDENTS
Serious incidents of conflict such as
alleged harassment, bullying, verbal
abuse or physical intimidation need
to be taken seriously. Such allegations
must be properly investigated and
dealt with as soon as possible, using
the formal disciplinary procedures
that the company offers.
The results of any such investigation must be accepted by all managers and team members alike. Formal
disciplinary procedure is necessary for
such serious allegations, as the matter needs to be investigated fairly and
decisions cannot be made in the heat
of the moment.
can make a mistake, so you have to always
maintain the highest of standards. You
have to work very much harder to uphold
the expectations thrust upon you.
“Modern football needs referees who
are perfectly prepared. There was a time
when knowing the rules and being fit was
enough. Today something else is needed.
Referees must know everything about the
matches they are going to officiate and be
able to predict what can happen.
“In other words, they have to be able
to read the game properly. UEFA is paying
more and more attention to these details
and trying to educate a new generation of
modern referees.”
When it comes to handling famous
football players, Collina says that they are
treated the same as the others. Famous or
unknown, each player has his own traits
and Collina sometimes has to double up
as a psychologist to understand if a smile
works better than any word when it comes
to managing them.
“There are three things a good leader
needs: clear vision, good communication
skills and a sharp decision-making ability.”
A greAt reFeree’S StOrY
By PREMA JAYABALAN
[email protected]
and performance expected.
Recognising the point at which
informal approaches to resolving a
conflict have failed and when formal
disciplinary action must be taken is
a judgement the line manager needs
to make. HR can also be consulted on
this.
n Pierluigi Collina will be in Kuala Lumpur
on April 3. He will be speaking at The
Business of Innovation forum organised by
The London Speaker Bureau. For more information, visit www.bizofinnovation.com.my
or call 03-23010988.
myStarjob, SATURdAy 8 MARch 2014
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mystarjob.com, saturday 8 March 2014
mystarjob.com, saturday 8 March 2014
By ERIC LAU
[email protected]
dealing with
organisational
conflict
L
ET me begin by stating the obvious: We are
all different from each other. I once did an
exercise with a group of about 100 people
where each person had a piece of A4 paper
and were given clear instructions to fold
the paper and tear it in a certain way.
At the end of the exercise, they were told to
unfold their piece of paper and to observe the
unique end result. I then offered a RM100 reward
to any two people in the room who had their piece
of paper exactly the same as the other person.
The results? My RM100 was spared. Yes, it was
a set up! I have done this many times before and
know that no one will ever take my money away.
Why is it that I could not find two people out
of one hundred who had a similar end result
although everyone listened to the same set of
instructions? Answer: Simply because I had one
hundred different interpretations from that one
set of instructions that was given.
We all perceive and interpret information differently. It is these differences that, if not nurtured
positively, will breed conflict.
Organisational conflicts are common. All
healthy teams go through certain team stages and
dynamics. This is commonly known as the forming-storming-norming-performing team stages.
Team Dynamics
Performing
Norming
storming
Forming
The forming stage is a stage of uncertainty
where team members are uncertain about roles,
rules and expectations.
Once they begin familiarising with one another,
they enter the storming phase where they are
now more open and honest to the point of getting
into conflicts over goals and personalities.
Although this storming phase is a time of anxiety, it is not to be avoided. The team needs to
engage in a healthy way amidst strife in order for
individuals to normalise with one another’s expectations. This is where working styles are agreed on
and adjusted and processes are set up.
Finally after a season of normalising, the team
begins to perform. That is where they begin
to work positively, creatively and productively
together.
Each of the above stages is critical in ultimately
building effective teams. As you may recognise,
out of all these stages, the storming or conflict
stage is probably the most painful phase in organisational dynamics.
What is organisational conflict? Organisational
conflict occurs when interdependent people
perceive interference from one another as they
pursue their goals.
There are basically four fundamental causes for
organisation conflicts. These are:
Weak organisational
processes
Lack of clarity in roles
and responsibilities
Unhealthy interpersonal relationships
Unclear vision
and direction
This can also mean re-framing the situation
to create a bigger space for everyone’s ideas. The
downside of this style is that it requires a highdegree of trust and reaching a consensus can
require a lot of time and effort to get everybody to
synthesise their ideas.
5 dominAting
Each of these, if not addressed promptly and
delicately, can eventually lead to an organisational
breakdown.
Resolving workplace conflicts is a serious matter.
Once conflicts are identified, they must never be
“swept under the carpet” as unresolved conflicts
breed more conflicts. It’s like cancer! They will
spread if timely intervention is not offered.
Great leaders always have a healthy view of conflicts. They understand that it is part and parcel of
organisational dynamics and they embrace it with
open hearts. In any conflict situation, the leader
involved can assume the following five roles:
1
Warrior: Leaders need courage to address
conflicts head-on. When they fail to do so,
they frustrate team members and their credibility
is questioned.
2
Saint: Leaders need to have a humble and
forgiving heart. Failure to do so makes them
incapable to lead with integrity as they themselves
are consumed with anger and bitterness.
3
Friend: Leaders need to have a strong sense
of empathy towards others. If not, they will
not see a need to address conflicts or will just
“bull-dose” their way without considering the feelings of others.
4
CoaCh: Leaders need to recognise that it is in
times of conflict that there is the most opportunity to coach others towards change. Failure to
do so encourages a “free flow” of negative energy
that can spiral into more conflicts.
5
Student: Leaders can learn the most about
themselves, their teams and their organisation in times of conflicts. Failure to do so is missed
opportunity to develop themselves and their
organisation.
There is no easy solution on how we should
respond to conflict situations. Each conflict is
unique in its own way and needs to be interpreted
in its proper context.
According to conflict management experts,
Kenneth W. Thomas and Ralph H. Kilmann, there
are five conflict management styles we can adopt
in managing conflict scenarios. These are:
1 Avoiding
This is when you simply avoid and choose not
to engage in the issue. You know you are not going
to help the other party reach their goals and you
are not assertively pursuing your own.
This works when the issue is trivial or you have
no chance of winning, or when you feel that the
“battle” is not worth fighting for. It can also be
effective when the issue, if out of hand, would be
very costly, or when the atmosphere is emotionally
charged and you need to calm down the intensity.
In general, avoiding is not a good long-term
strategy and using this too often will result in
more dissatisfaction from certain parties.
2
AccommodAting
This is when you cooperate to a high-degree
and it may be at your own expense where it actually works against your own goals and objectives.
This approach is effective when the other party is
the expert or has a better solution.
This approach is also wise when you recognise
that the other party has clearly more to lose and
you choose to give-in. This style is also a good
strategy to consider in view of preserving future
relations with the other party.
3 compromising
This is the scenario where neither party really
achieves what they want as a result of a give and
take. The end result is either a “lose-lose” or “small
win-small lose”. This requires a moderate level of
assertiveness and cooperation.
It may be appropriate for scenarios where you
need a temporary solution or where both sides
have equally important goals.
Conflict resolvers must avoid falling into the
temptation of compromising all the time as an
easy way out, especially when collaborating could
produce a better solution.
4
collAborAting
This is also a proactive approach where both
parties collaborate and focus on working together
to resolve the situation. When authentic dialogues
take place, more ideas are generated and consensus can be reached at the end of the day.
This style pushes you to break free from the
“lose-lose” or “win-lose” paradigm in order to pursue a “win-win”.
Conflict Response Styles
Avoiding
Compromising
Accommodating
Dominating
Collaborating
This is the “win-lose” approach. You act in a
very assertive way to achieve your goals without
seeking to cooperate with the other party. Very
often, the other party will be at the losing end.
This approach may be appropriate when dealing
with strict company policies or guidelines. It is also
effective for emergencies when time is of essence
or when you need fast decisive action to be taken
and people are aware and support the approach.
In general, most people have a preferred or
“default” style of managing conflicts. This is also
affected by personality tendencies. For example, a
Type “A” more domineering personality style person will be more inclined to dominate in managing
conflicts while a Type “B” more complying person
may choose to compromise or even avoid conflict
situations.
Leaders need to have self-awareness and recognise their own default patterns. Once they are
aware of their own patterns, they can evaluate
whether they are working for them or they can
explore alternatives.
Leaders also need to recognise that there is
no one best style in managing conflicts as it is
dependent on the context of the conflict.
By using a context-based approach, leaders can
choose more effective conflict management styles
and test their effectiveness for their unique situations.
Although we can identify different styles of
conflict management, we also need to recognise
that when the rubber meets the road, managing
conflicts is a delicate matter.
One reason is that at the end of it all, we are
dealing with people. This is the biggest challenge
of all. Here are eight principles that can be adopted
in managing conflicts:
1 HAve tHe rigHt Attitude
Your attitude is your outlook and how you
choose to view the situation from your “mind’s
eye”. If you have a very negative mindset over the
conflict and the people involved, chances are you
will react very negatively as well, thus making matters worse.
In a conflict scenario, we need to make attitude
adjustments. Although you may be frustrated,
upset and even angry, suspend yourself from
exhibiting such feelings. Instead, choose to be
open and humble to view the conflict more positively and focus on the solutions instead of your
frustrations.
Famous American psychologist William James
states that “whenever you’re in conflict with
someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and
deepening it. That factor is attitude”.
2 meet fAce to fAce
If possible, have a face-to-face meeting with
the people involved in the conflict to resolve the
issues. Avoid phone calls as they often dilute the
quality of the conversations you need to have in a
conflict scenario.
Emails where various parties are addressed can
be disastrous as multiple communication lines often
create more confusion and misunderstanding.
3 meet on mutuAl ground
Meeting on mutual ground is a psychological
technique that can be adopted. Either party will
not feel threatened that they are entering “enemy”
home ground to negotiate for a resolution.
A mutual ground can be in a meeting room, at
another colleague’s office or even at a restaurant if
appropriate. Because of the setting of the mutual
ground, parties involved can be more open and less
defensive in their discussions.
tHe rigHt
people Are present
4 ensure
One of the most frustrating situations in conflict resolution is when key stakeholders are not
present in those meetings.
It is imperative that key stakeholders who have
the right information and who are authorised to
make certain decisions are present in order to navigate a solution.
Always insist that the right people are present.
If they can’t make it, it’s better to postpone the
meeting rather than to waste time in an unproductive discussion.
And
emotionAl
5 benotfActuAl
In all conflict situations, emotions are involved
because humans are emotional beings. Hence,
conflict resolution can be high in drama. Emotions
are not wrong, but when attempting to resolve
conflicts, the more objective we are, the closer we
will be in resolving those conflicts.
One effective way to inject objectivity into these
situations is to present facts. For example, it’s more
helpful to say, “the customer feedback form states
that the delivery was two days late” instead of
“your guys are not doing their jobs!”
6 Avoid finger-pointing
This is the big “no-no” in conflict resolution.
The moment you begin to assign blame to another
party, you have just declared war! People will have
little choice but to be defensive and then fight
back when you blame them.
They will always want to justify their actions
and then assign blame back to you for the breakdown that has occurred. While it may be true that
the issue may heavily rest on one party, it is certainly not helpful if the angle of the conflict resolution conversation is headed that direction.
Instead, begin by stating the facts and have
a dialogue on how to bring about a solution. If
needed, revisit the “flaws” of people and/or processes separately.
7 refrAin from HArsH words
A famous proverb states that “life and death
are in the power of the tongue”. How true. Words
have such power to either bring hope and healing
or destruction and strife. We need to recognise
that words will trigger emotions, both positive and
negative. All it takes is one harsh word in a conflict
resolution dialogue and all “hell will break loose”.
Instead, we need to exercise much self-control and
learn to be more positive and gracious with our
words. Famous author Max Lucado says that “conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional”.
8 end on A positive note
Having conflict resolution dialogues is both
stressful and draining. A good leader never allows
a meeting to end with people in the room feeling
more confused or that they have “lost the battle”.
If no complete resolution can be made in that one
meeting, then focus on the positives, for example
that you were able to agree on some aspects of the
problem or affirm the folks involved that their honesty in sharing their views is appreciated.
Then move on if necessary to agree on next
steps, for example, new information that needs to
be gathered or others that you suggest who need
to be involved in the next meeting.
Ensure everyone leaving the meeting feels that
they have accomplished something and is moving
one step ahead in resolving the conflict.
Conflict is tough. Nobody likes it. It damages
relationships and can bring organisations towards
destruction. However, we cannot escape conflict
as it is simply part of life and phases where both
people and organisations go through.
The big question is not if it will happen, but
when it happens what will be our response.
Breakthrough leaders embrace and manage conflicts effectively.
They take advantage of it and see it as an opportunity to springboard their teams and organisation
to a new level of effectiveness. Conflicts… bring it
on!
n Eric is a strategic associate with Leaderonomics.
He believes the root cause of many problems we
face today is a result of egocentric, self-serving leadership. Eric is passionate to develop and mobilise
leaders with the right values and skills than can
bring meaningful transformation. To engage him
for your organisation, email [email protected]
whenever you’re
in conflict with
someone, there
is one factor
that can make
the difference
between damaging
your relationship
and deepening
it. that factor is
attitude.
– william James
mystarjob.com, saturday 8 March 2014
The
Show
LEADERS ARE MADE
gEoRgE kohLRiESER on buiLDing MALAySiAn TALEnTS
iSnap llmvideeo interview
By CINDY YAP
[email protected]
for the fu
ieser.
with George Kohlr
B
EING at the forefront of a
hostage crisis is a familiar predicament for George Kohlrieser.
Having garnered 40 years of
experience as hostage negotiator, the organisational and clinical psychologist and consultant to global organisations worldwide, is an authority on negotiation and leadership, and is acclaimed
for introducing the hostage metaphor to
leadership development.
Now a professor of leadership and
organisational behaviour at IMD
(International Institute for Management
Development) in Lausanne, Switzerland
where he directs leadership programmes,
Kohlrieser has two international bestselling books to his credit - Hostage at the
Table which won Best Business Book of
the Year in 2007 and Care to Dare which
was published in 2012.
Sharing with The Leaderonomics Show
his perspectives on leadership and talent
management, Kohlrieser says there is
great leadership development going on in
Malaysia.
“Malaysia’s strength is the ability of
leaders to create relationships and display
mutual respect in spite of the diverse culture, which is a big asset,” he says.
On the other hand, Kohlrieser notes
that there is over-adaptation to authority.
“There is a pressing need for more assertiveness in Malaysia. Social bonding is very
strong and it is more pertinent here than
in other Asian countries.”
“The ability to deal with conflicts in a
more direct manner is essential in order
to be a vibrant high performing team,” he
stresses.
TalenT ManageMenT and
leadership developMenT
– is There a difference?
According to Kohlrieser, talent management is a fundamental success
process in all organisations and crosses
a broad spectrum. “It doesn’t necessarily mean leadership in a direct way, but
is more of a process of developing these
fundamental competencies and taking
talents to a higher level,” he enthuses.
“Prior to pursuing organisational
effectiveness, attention must be paid to
talent development,” he continues.
Leadership development focuses on
how leaders learn to manage themselves and to influence others, which
involves emotional and social intelligence.
“Truly effective leadership is the ability to create that vision and then inspire
people to come along with you, endure
the pain and even sacrifice to achieve a
greater benefit,” says Kohlrieser.
With the many talent management
initiatives and methodologies sprouting, such as six sigma, lean and kaizen,
Kohlrieser doesn’t think it is a passing
fad and is certain that it is absolutely
sustainable.
“The good news is, talent is something we primarily learn and develop.
Of course, genetic or hereditary factors
play a part, but leaders are not born;
they are made,” he says.
“Therefore, decide the skills that you
want to develop and focus, focus, focus.
You cannot be an expert in everything,
so leverage on your strength and select
the area you want to be an expert in,”
he advises.
Get The Star Mobile App Now!
“There is a
pressing need
for more
assertiveness in
Malaysia. Social
bonding is very
strong and it is
more pertinent
here than in
other Asian
countries,” says
Kohlrieser.
For smaller companies which lack the
ability and funds to attract talent and
build processes and succession planning
systems, Kohlrieser offers the following
advice:
1
Select people who desire closer
social bonding
Certain people prefer a smaller social
set-up with learning opportunities and
prospects to acquire new skills and information.
Smaller companies should ascertain
their strengths and leverage on them,
instead of being held hostage by their
own limitations.
2
Select talented people
It doesn’t necessarily refer to people
with developed talent, but people who are
eager to learn, play to win, not afraid of
failure and willing to take chances.
With the right person chosen, look
around for resources to offer learning
experiences. The best learning opportunities do not occur in the classroom, but
in real life situations when people are
forced into uncomfortable situations.
Using himself as an example,
Kohlrieser shares that he didn’t necessarily know what to do whenever faced
with challenges, but because somebody
had more confidence in him than he did
in himself, he was taken to a new level of
high performance and effectiveness.
3
Collaborate
Get smart by exploring cooperation
with other organisations to harness each
other’s competencies.
Kohlrieser sees a degree of complacency setting in the west based on the cycles
of development. “There are lots of people
who still want to play the wind and are
merely out there to take chances.”
On the contrary, Asia still has a fundamental ambition displayed by the eagerness of Asians to participate in learning
initiatives and processes, he comments.
“With the massive intellectual movement east, you see more skills being
developed, from engineering, finance, to
broader skills. I think the opportunities
to learn are greater than ever. People in
Asia have a secure base within their own
culture.”
He encourages Asians to stop looking west as their model, but to look for
models within Asia’s own culture and
identity.
Building TrusT
Through dialogue
In his book, Hostage at the Table,
Kohlrieser talks about his first experience
of being held hostage in an Ohio hospital
in 1969, with scissors held at his throat by
a man who had earlier taken a nurse.
Being asked to enter the room by the
lieutenant, Kohlrieser engaged in a process with the hostage-taker, who later
freed the blood-soaked uniformed nurse,
and who took Kohlrieser instead.
Through a dialogue, Kohlrieser understood that the motivation behind the hostage-taking was his family and he helped
the man realise the benefit of giving up
his hostage and weapon.
“I learnt the power of bonding and
looking at the eyes of the man who wanted to kill me and talk him out of it.”
He says: “Analogously, many people
are psychological hostages and feel like
a hostage even without a gun pointed to
their head.”
“The secret of good leadership is the
ability to look beyond one’s emotions.
Good leaders offer a secure base to gear
the team towards a mindset change and
move towards high performing behaviour.”
It is easy to identify somebody as an
enemy, Kohlrieser adds, but a skilled
leader will identify the common goal, create a dialogue, build a relationship and
transform the enemy around that goal
into becoming partners towards a common area, hence transforming an enemy
into an ally.
That, according to Kohlrieser, is the
secret of disarming.
faMily Business dynaMics
With most business organisations in
the world being family rooted, Kohlrieser
opines that there is a need to learn how to
separate family dynamics from business
dynamics.
Family businesses have a deeper bonding, but any dysfunction between the
father and the children, or the systems
privately will have a spillover effect. A
big problem is the willingness to give in,
instead of fighting something through in
a constructive and positive way.
Most second generation members underperform, as they live under the shadow of
the earlier generation. Authoritarianism
over-dominates the family system, impeding the capacity of the children to blossom
and develop as a leader.
“If parents are constantly making
concessions and not training the children
to assert themselves, they can’t express,
influence and win. Confidence to assert
themselves will never be developed,” he
claims.
Children are natural negotiators and
naturally assertive, but these fundamentals have to be developed and encouraged.
Kohlrieser’s goal is to help family businesses become sustainable enterprises,
focusing on developing the leadership
skills and talent required, how to resolve
conflicts and how not to be a hostage in
too much harmony.
He recommends that ideally, the
younger generation should work in a
business outside the family business for
a short time to pick up and develop a
different set of skills, acumen and experience, before returning to the family business. “Priority should be on long term
goals and not on resolving an immediate
need.”
parTing words of wisdoM
To HR leaders
l Listen to what people want to learn,
encourage and don’t let them get
passive.
l Don’t take a paternalistic/maternalistic attitude. Get into a partnership
with them.
l Give people opportunities and let
them fail without punishment.
To business leaders or CEOs in Asia
l Create opportunities.
l Put people in challenging situations.
l Put the fish on the table and engage in
conflict management process.
l Give true, immediate feedback on how
to improve in order to be effective and
a high performing organisation.
To people starting out a career
l Approach trustworthy people and listen to their lessons learnt.
l Take risks and do not be afraid of failure. When you fail and feel horrible,
you build resilience and will bounce
back stronger. When you play the wind,
look for opportunities and use every
opportunity found.
n George Kohlrieser is frequently in
Malaysia. To engage him, email people@
leaderonomics.com. To view his full interview, visit www.leaderonomics.tv
TRuLy EffEcTivE
LEADERShip iS
ThE AbiLiTy To
cREATE ThAT
viSion AnD
ThEn inSpiRE
pEopLE To coME
ALong wiTh
you, EnDuRE
ThE pAin AnD
EvEn SAcRificE
To AchiEvE A
gREATER bEnEfiT.
mystarjob.com, saturday 8 March 2014
By KOH EARN SOO & TEAM
[email protected]
W
HAT is a crucial conversation
and why do we care about it? A
casual conversation turns into a
crucial conversation when opinions vary, stakes are high, and
emotions start to get into play and run strong.
Crucial conversations are day-to-day conversations that affect our lives. They are not only
conversations that happen around a conference
table amongst the high ranks of presidents,
emperors, and prime ministers.
Interestingly, for us, as conversations get more
and more crucial, our ability to handle and manage them well lessens. It is an irony that when
something matters most, we do our worst.
Crucial conversations are usually spontaneous
and we end up feeling pressured, stumped and
act in self-defeating ways.
The impact of not being able to handle a
crucial conversation well is high and it can affect
every aspect of our lives – our careers, communities, relationships and even our personal health.
It can impact the overall quality of our lives.
Generally, we can do one of these three things
when we come face-to-face with a crucial conversation – 1) we can avoid it; 2) we can face
it and handle it poorly, or 3) we can face it and
handle it well.
Patterson, Grenny, McMillan and Switzler,
authors of Crucial Conversations, believe that if
given the three choices, we would all want to be
able to handle them well.
Hence, the writing of this book – to give us
a handle and some tools for talking when the
stakes and emotions run high.
So, let’s explore how we can step up to crucial
conversations and handle them well.
MASTERING CRUCIAL
CONVERSATIONS
Martin Luther King Jr says, “Our lives begin to
end the day we become silent about things that
matter”.
The authors of this book studied Kevin, one
of eight vice-presidents in a particular company
who had been identified as exceedingly influential. What was his secret?
After trailing Kevin for almost a week, they
began to realise that what set him apart was
his ability to avoid what we commonly call the
“fool’s choice”.
Most of us make the mistake of believing that
we have to choose between telling the truth and
keeping a friend.
The difference in Kevin and many others in
this world is that, when they take a step up into
a crucial conversation, their overriding question
is this: “How can I be 100% honest and at the
same time be 100% respectful?”
What is this skill that Kevin and many others like him possess? Is it a skill that can be
acquired? What was Kevin able to achieve?
Dialogue
At the heart of every successful conversation
is the free flow of relevant information. During
risky, controversial and emotional conversations,
people who are skilled are able to find a way to
get all the relevant information, both from themselves and others, out into the open. This type of
people have the ability to get people to willingly
share openly and honestly.
This amazing talent and skill is called dialogue.
Dialogue happens when there is a “free flow of
information between two or more people”.
So, how exactly does a free flow of information lead to success in handling crucial conversations? And what does one do to encourage the
free flow of information?
There is this concept of the Pool of Shared
Meaning. Typically, people who are skilled at dialogue do their best to make it safe for everyone
to add their meaning to the shared pool.
They encourage everyone to fill up the pool
of shared meaning, whether wrong, different,
controversial and at odds with their own beliefs.
As the pool fills up, people are able to make better choices.
Conversely, when people intentionally withhold meaning from each other, it is not surprising that individually smart people can make
collectively stupid decisions.
The whole idea is to encourage people to contribute all their ideas, opinions and thoughts into
Open dialOgues
HOw tO talk tO almOst anyOne
abOut almOst anytHing
the pool of shared meaning. When this happens,
it increases a group’s ability to make better decisions tremendously.
On top of that, since the pool is shared, people
willingly embrace and act on the decisions they
make in unity and conviction of heart.
In other words, the authors put it well when
they say, “The Pool of Shared Meaning is the
birthplace of synergy”.
The reverse is sadly true. When people are
not involved and are sitting back quietly during
crucial and touchy conversations, they are rarely
committed to the final decision.
As Samuel Butler puts it, “He that complies
against his will is of his own opinion still.”
Sometimes, people retreat into silence. They
play Salute and Stay Mute. They rather not confront those in authority. Information and meaning is withheld from the pool. We adopt the
silent treatment.
The good news is that dialogue skills are learnable. We will now explore various tools that we
can use to help create the right conditions for
dialogue to take place.
The focus is on how we think about problem
situations and what we do to prepare for them.
NO.1 START
WITH THE HEART
“Speak when you are angry and you will make
the best speech you will ever regret” – Ambrose
Bierce.
The first principle of dialogue is to start with
the heart – your own heart. You will have a
tough time getting the dialogue right if you cannot get your own heart right. In short, work on
“me” first; “us” comes second.
That’s the best way to start work on “us”
– start with “me”. We must realise that as much
as others may need to change, or we may want
them to change, the only person we can continually change and inspire is undoubtedly the person we see every day in the mirror.
So, how do skilled people “start with the
heart”? Two ways:
l They focus on what they want.
l They refuse the “fool’s choice”.
While others would opt for justifying their
unhealthy behaviour, claiming that they had no
choice except to either fight or take flight, the
dialogue-smart group of people always believes
that dialogue is still the best option.
A person keen on pursuing a dialogue will
always keep in focus the question “What do I
really want here?”
Constantly asking this question is important
because it helps you focus on what is your real
motivation and what you want to see achieved
through this crucial conversation.
Ask yourself this powerful question when you
feel the stakes running high – it helps to redirect
our hearts and refocus our brains.
When you need to refocus and move back to
your original motives and intentions, you often
need to intentionally take a step back and look at
yourself.
Some questions that you can ask yourself
when you step out of the conversation for a
moment are:
l What do I really want for myself?
l What do I really want for others?
l What do I really want for the relationship?
When you have established those answers,
then ask yourself the final question: How would I
behave if I really wanted these results?
Another thing you need to do is remember to
find your bearings – when you ask these questions and take a conscious step back, you relocate
your North Star.
Asking these questions achieves two important purposes. It reminds us of our goal, and it
helps us refocus our brain.
The second tool for one who wants to be in a
dialogue is this – Refuse the “fool’s choice”. Be
conscious of the moment when you start telling
yourself that you must choose between peace
and honesty, between winning and losing.
Set yourself free from making the fool’s choice
by asking yourself new choices. How?
Firstly, clarify what you really want. Second,
clarify what you really don’t want. Thirdly,
present your brain with a more complex problem
and combine the two into an “and” question that
forces you to search for more creative options
rather than silence or aggression.
Here’s an example:
Clarify what you really want – What I want
is for my husband to be more reliable.
Clarify what you really don’t want – What I
don’t want is to have a useless and heated
conversation that creates bad feelings and
doesn’t bring change.
Combine the two into an “and” question
– How can I have a candid conversation with
my husband about being more reliable and avoid
creating bad feelings?
1
2
3
Intentionally doing this helps to lead and bring
people into a dialogue.
n Koh Earn Soo and his team take the best books
and summarise them into shorter, readable content in the hope of inspiring people to read more
and learn more. To read the rest of this summary
and summaries of other bestsellers, subscribe to
www.thebestbooksummary.com
at tHe Heart Of
every successful
cOnversatiOn is
tHe free flOw
Of relevant
infOrmatiOn.
during risky,
cOntrOversial
and emOtiOnal
cOnversatiOns,
peOple wHO are
skilled are able tO
find a way tO get
all tHe relevant
infOrmatiOn, bOtH
frOm tHemselves
and OtHers, Out
intO tHe Open.
10
mystarjob.com, saturday 8 March 2014
resoLve,
don’t avoid
Lessons from the
United nations
resPonding rather than
reacting
By VINESH NAIDU
[email protected]
Or put another way, communicate, not
escalate the issue at hand. Unfortunately,
you can be forgiven for thinking that doing
this is harder than stumbling on to Colonel
Sander’s 11 secret herbs and spices. It takes
a lot of practice to separate the heart and
the mind from the issue at hand. But try we
must.
Hillary Clinton, the secretary of state of
the United States says “‘Smart power’ is
the use of American power in ways that
would help prevent and resolve conflict
– not just send our military in.”
n 9am Syria. Anger is in the air as
peoples’ homes have been destroyed
due to religious and cultural disagreements. The anger is tinged with sadness as many family members on both
sides of the conflicting parties have
become victims of the conflict that is
taking place. These emotions are fuel
for further conflict and violence to take
place for the rest of the day and the
foreseeable future.
isolating the Problem
n 9am Kuala Lumpur. Anger is in
the air as I walk in the office and notice
that my colleague has yet to send the
all-important email to a client. There
is frustration at the ineptitude and
apathy shown by my colleague. These
emotions are fuel for conflict to take
place in the office simply because different parties have different priorities
and concerns.
T
sUbstitUte
the Un with
hUmans/
empLoyees.
peopLe JUst
want to have
their voices
heard, for
what are we
withoUt oUr
thoUghts?
WO different worlds. Two wildly
different scenarios. Two very different consequences – One concerns the loss of lives and livelihoods and a generation of scars
left behind; another the loss of a happy,
mutually beneficial working environment
that will foster a sense of mistrust in the
long term and by consequence, loss of
productivity for the company.
Death, taxes and conflict make up what
I would call the un-holy Trinity, the only
constant in life. We can’t run away from any
of it, and the approach that people take in
dealing with it is where the problem stems
from. It’s unfortunate that many leaders
tend to strive for conflict avoidance as
opposed to conflict resolution.
When does conflict happen? Simply
stated, when people are put together for
whatever reason. You are either working
next to each other, or working on a shared
project or working on pursuing the same
limited resource to further your own ends.
Even if you hole yourself up in the middle of a dark cave high up in the mountains and meditate, some of the inner
thoughts and emotions you experience
before reaching the next level of consciousness will be conflicted and it takes
time before a fuller and more insightful
understating is reached.
“Ideas and not battles mark the forward
progress of mankind,” says L. Ron Hubbard
Unfortunately, we do not live in a utopian world that wholly embraces Hubbard’s
quote. Conflict is an everyday part of life.
Human nature is skewed towards wanting
more from any given situation.
Pair that with limited resources and you
have the perfect recipe for creating envi-
“the ULtimate
measUre of a man
is not where he
stands in moments
of comfort, bUt
where he stands at
times of chaLLenge
and controversy.”
— martin LUther
King Jr.
ronments in which conflict becomes the
pathway of choice to deal with grievances.
The United Nations, amongst its other
roles and responsibilities, is tasked with
ensuring peace prevails around the globe.
Most of the conflict resolution principles that guide their outlook today stems
from the period of dealing with the Cold
War and its many actors.
Dynamic in nature and always in the
midst of being fine-tuned, conflict resolution frameworks within which the UN
operates bear some good leadership takeaways in dealing with workplace conflict.
Conflict resolution in war torn violent
areas are complex issues calling for multilevel interventions and a myriad of tools.
There are some guiding principles
though which the UN agencies use that
can help shine some light for us. A sort of
a “Dummies Guide” if you like.
In comparison to the magnitude of
pain and suffering in these war conflict
zones, the conflict zones in the corporate
office are trivial, whichever way we put it.
There are invaluable lessons though, that
leaders can seek to use in their everyday
challenges.
analysis
As in all matters, first things first. When
dealing with conflict situations, the agencies concerned are first tasked with doing
an in depth analysis.
This consists of assessing key conflict
factors (sources of tension and root
causes of conflict, including linkages and
synergies), actors (interests, potential
spoilers, capacities for violence and peace,
incentives required to promote peace),
and dynamics (triggers for violence, local
capacities for peaceful and constructive
conflict management, likely future scenarios).
Drawing from those outlines, a typical conflict situation in an office setting
would consist of:
l Key conflict factors: projects behind
schedule, missed meetings, a stolen stapler or maybe even an unwashed coffee
mug!
l Actors: fellow colleagues, direct
reports, and more frequently than not, the
boss!
l Dynamics: existing office culture,
future outlook of the business and industry and the sort of pressure the team is
under to perform.
Now, once these preliminary but crucial
findings are outlined, the necessary steps
can be taken to deal with the conflict. The
United Nations, with all its years of experience has fully subscribed to the age-old
wisdom of prevention being better than
a cure. Thus the first steps that are suggested is to look out for potential conflicts.
Prevention
We all know that the best ideas come
out of chaos. It’s a commonly accepted wisdom that the quietest teams don’t always
provide the most innovative ideas that
change the world. But what does need to
be prevented is non-constructive conflict.
Leadership is when you build an environment that allows for conflict of ideas.
It’s these ideas that can be channelled into
making things better. If you are a leader
and your first response to the word “conflict” is to jump behind the desk and tell
the secretary to say “not in”, then you are
in for a major headache.
In instances of conflict, leaders need to
act in good faith. Trust that everyone is
there for a common cause, yet somehow,
it has been obscured by the tensions that
have arisen due to whatever reason.
US politician and UN Ambassador Adlai
E. Stevenson once said “The whole basis
of the United Nations is the right of all
nations - great or small - to have weight,
to have a vote, to be attended to, to be a
part of the twentieth century.” You know,
that’s essentially it.
Substitute the UN with humans/
employees. People just want to have their
voices heard, for what are we without our
thoughts?
Providing a platform to air views should
be on top of every leader’s pursuit of
conflict resolution. This would ensure the
issue is isolated from the surrounding
factors, and can then be dealt with more
efficiently.
stabilising
In UN peace operations, the stabilisation phase is the period that follows
immediately after the official end of hostilities.
The phase serves to establish a safe and
secure environment followed by managing the immediate consequences of the
conflict through emergency humanitarian
assistance programmes.
In a work environment, once the tensions are stabilised, the leader has to take
responsibility for providing a non-threatening environment for the conflicting parties to sort out the differences.
Otherwise, you are going to have to
deal with never ending hostilities, face a
spreading dark cloud of anger, and these
festering wounds will lead to bigger issues
like absenteeism, higher turnover, and
in the worst cases, physically aggressive
behaviour.
“In any moment of decision, the best
thing you can do is the right thing. The
worst thing you can do is nothing.”
— Theodore Roosevelt.
So go ahead leaders, deal with conflict,
but aim to resolve, not avoid!
n Vinesh Naidu is head of the talent
acceleration programme offered by
Leaderonomics. To engage with him email
him at [email protected]
mystarjob.com, saturday 8 March 2014
11
COMPETING EffECTIvElY
T
HOMAS-Kilmann classifies five
conflict-handling styles premised
on two primary concerns - our
selves and others involved in the
conflict. The five styles are:
i
ii
iii
iv
v
Competing (high concern
for self, low concern for others)
Collaborating (high concern
for self and others)
Compromising (moderate concern
for self and others)
Accommodating (low concern for
self, high concern for others)
Avoiding (low concern for self and
others)
In this article, let’s focus on the first of
these styles - competing. A competing individual is described as power-driven, high in
assertiveness and low in cooperativeness,
showing for example through the use of
the person’s authority, position, wealth, or
influence.
There is not much regard for feelings,
views or goals of others, nor is there interest in collaboration or compromise.
The idea is to win or succeed in achieving one’s desired outcome when placed
against the other person who desires a
different outcome. It puts parties in a
win/lose relationship as one attempts to
achieve his/her goals at the expense of
others.
Early imprEssions
The idea of competing as a means to
achieve power and control comes from
early childhood and is bolstered throughout school and college. As children mature
they discover that they can get material
objects and social control over people
by applying an assertive, demanding or
aggressive behaviour.
ThOMas kIlMaNN’s CONflICT MOdE INsTruMENT
COMPETING
sElf
By RAINA RADZAIF
[email protected]
COllabraTING
COMPrOMIsING
avOIdING
aCCOMMOdaTING
OThErs
Although parents and teachers tell children to be kind, considerate and cooperative, there remains a tendency to incline
towards resorting to competitiveness as
a means of solving problems and gaining
acceptance and success.
They compete to “be the best” student,
athlete, musician or to be popular and
accepted among peers. Some learn to deal
with disagreements by persuading others
to accept their position. Others use power
negatively by way of arguments, intimidation, threats or physical fighting.
Those who are effective at competing
are viewed as successful. Those who do
not stand up for themselves are viewed as
weak. We can even see it in video games
that promote the thrill of engaging in
conflict with the goal of defeating the
“enemy”, often using any means possible.
These dynamics promote competitiveness.
Joining thE workforcE
The idea of competing to solve differences and achieve goals continues into adulthood and employment. People compete
for status, position and recognition at their
workplace, a behaviour that is exacerbated
and encouraged by being rewarded for
their ability to achieve goals by performing
better than their colleagues for instance.
While competing can be productive, it
can also cause problems when used excessively or inappropriately. Examples include
misuse of power and unethical or illegal
activities as we see so often in the news.
Very few successful people eventually
develop the judgment and skills to use
competitiveness effectively and appropriately.
DEaling with conflict
by compEting
Competing is the proper form of dealing
with conflict when used in the following
situations:
l When an immediate decision and action
is required.
l When the outcome is critical and cannot
be compromised.
l In emergency situations or when safety
is a concern.
a MYErs-brIGGs sTudY suGGEsTs ThaT ThOsE whO
arE COMPETITIvE aPPrOaCh PrOblEMs ObjECTIvElY
aNd arE NOT vErY CONCErNEd abOuT ThE subjECTIvE
IMPaCT Of ThE OuTCOME ON ThE PErsON whO lOsEs.
l When being right is more important
than preserving the relationship with
the other party.
l When important but unpopular actions
are needed such as cost-cutting, enforcing rules, or administering discipline.
l When you know you are right and are
doing the right thing.
l When one’s position, authority, or rights
are being challenged.
l When implementing strategic change
and strong, confident leadership needs
to be demonstrated.
When used improperly, competing in
conflict situations may result in negative
consequences:
l It strains relationships leading to resentment and retaliation.
l It causes intimidation that inhibits communication, discussion of alternative
ideas and attempts at problem-solving.
l Personal drive for power and control
overrides the best interests of the
organisation.
l It results in reduced commitment and
support from staff.
l “Winning at all costs” harms others.
Studies applying the Myers-Briggs Type
Indicator have shown that individuals who
are consistently competitive tend to be
males who are extroverted-sensing-thinking-judging (ESTJ) or extroverted-intuitivethinking-judging (ENTJ).
Similar type ESTJ and ENTJ females
are more likely to adopt a compromising
approach to conflict. This could be due to
the socialisation and traditional roles of
females in our society. Competitive males
are often viewed positively, regarded as
“persuasive” or “powerful,” while competitive females may be viewed negatively as
“demanding” or “aggressive”.
A person whose dominant conflict style
is competing is inclined to see differences
of others in dichotomies - skilled/unskilled,
right/wrong, winner/loser, competent/
incompetent, etc.
A Myers-Briggs study suggests that
those who are competitive approach
problems objectively and are not very concerned about the subjective impact of the
outcome on the person who loses.
They are likely to prioritise on achieving
their goals even if it negatively impacts
their relationships. They are also likely to
be decisive and do not want to waste time
going through the alternatives.
If you find yourself to be competitive
when facing a disagreement or conflict,
you might want to:
Think thoroughly whether competing is the appropriate mode, weighing the pros and cons. Make an effort to
listen and consider alternative suggestions.
Evaluate the possible impact of all
options under consideration.
Be honest with yourself regarding
any personal relationship problems
that may be impacting your feelings and
beliefs about the disagreement.
Understand that your desire to be
competitive may have negative consequences on your relationship with the
person you are disagreeing with.
1
2
3
4
DEaling with a
compEtitivE “othEr”
When addressing a conflict with another
person who takes a competitive position
against you, consider doing the following:
n Allow the person to first thoroughly
explain their position and ask clarifying
questions.
n Summarise and repeat what you have
heard to assure understanding.
n Acknowledge the parts that you agree
with.
n Ask the party to carefully listen to your
position, clarifying points of agreement
and disagreement, using logic and data
to support your perspective.
n Consider having both positions put into
writing for review and consideration.
n Minimise discussion or expression of
feelings or subjective elements unless
the other party seems open to this perspective.
n Point out the mutual benefits of a decision that involve collaboration or compromise if this is an option.
n Assist that person to understand how
your position will benefit him/her and
how they can gain from agreement with
your proposal.
n If required, calmly inform that person
that you have the power, influence, or
ability to win a power contest and that
person will be better off not to continue
to compete over the outcome of the
decision that needs to be made.
When working as a neutral third party it
is helpful to get the parties to consider the
points made above. It is possible that one
party will be in a relative power position
over another, such as a boss vs an employee or a provider vs a consumer.
In these situations the third party must
be neutral, yet balance the power relationship so that each side effectively presents
their case and hears that of the other.
By helping the conflicting parties to
understand the issue, you may lead them
towards conciliation. Clearly, the adoption
of the competing style to manage conflicts
and differences can have both positive
and negative consequences.
Proper use of this style may
produce positive outcomes while
misuse of it can lead to new
problems. Being mindful of this
can help us to be more productive personally and professionally.
n Raina Radzaif is a learning
and development practitioner
with a leading Malaysia-basedmultinational corporation.
12
mystarjob.com, saturday 8 March 2014
In HR Talk, we pick one human resources
(HR) related topic each week, and gather a
few HR experts to share their opinions on
it. If you have any questions about the HR
industry, send them to us at mystarjob@
leaderonomics.com and we will get our panel
of experts to answer them.
Topic oF THe week
HR TALK
“In your opInIon, what’s
the bIggest problem
facIng hr today?”
Shankar nagalingam
Human resources director,
South Asia and ANZ, Dell
We aspire to equip leaders with the competency
to support regional and global businesses.
This poses as a great challenge for HR as it
involves human capital development. We spend
endless efforts to discover the best approach to
nurture our team members to deliver the best
customer experience, to add value and to differentiate ourselves from our peers and competitors.
We not only build capable team members,
but also “change champions” and “influential
leaders” who are able to innovate and integrate
thought process and make the complex simple
for the benefit of the customers.
It is part of our HR DNA to accelerate the
development of our team members, emphasising on the aptitude to reach greater heights in
an ever-changing environment of technological
advancements, economic and political influences, and social needs and expectations.
As we move towards a borderless world, HR
plays an integral part in building a fluid and
adaptive team to create a winning culture. At
Dell, HR collaborates with the various business
leaders to plan and implement programmes and
activities to foster leaders of tomorrow, who are
energised to go beyond their own sphere.
Suriahni abdul hamid
HR adviser for industry partnerships
division, TalentCorp
I think keeping up with the pace of change is the
biggest challenge for HR today. As we know, the
business environment is changing so rapidly.
On top of that, with the convergence of new
technologies, the dynamics of workforce such as
multiple generations in organisations and the
fact that people are more mobile, contribute to
businesses becoming more complex.
Change is never an easy thing. For HR to keep
up and stay relevant to the business, we need to
adapt and be agile with the changes. By doing
this, businesses will continue to look to HR to
partner with them to strategically charter the
business directions.
What can we do to keep up? For a start HR
needs to constantly keep abreast of what’s happening in today’s business environment. We
need to understand the current business issues
and what they mean for the future.
Another way is to engage with all stakeholders in bringing the understanding of the changes
and leverage on them in preparing the people to
adapt to the coming changes.
Finally, it would be an added advantage if HR
practitioners continue to up-skill themselves
by going through certification programmes, as
many of these certified bodies are very closely
aligned to the current business needs.
ang hui ming
Finance and HR lead, Leaderonomics
Talent, technology, thinking out of the BOX!
Talent :
The war for talent is far from over and I believe
it still remains the biggest challenge for HR. The
painful reality of an employee-driven market is
becoming more real everyday. Despite unemployment rates rising everywhere, HR faces the
challenge to find “real talent”.
Due to cost cutting measures, rationalisation
initiatives, technology advances and automation, the standard for “talent” has been raised so
much that “average” just doesn’t cut it.
Every HR recruiter is looking for the best. There
is only one headcount and they need to fill it
with the candidate with the right skills, right
knowledge, right attitude, tech savviness and
leadership capability.
I would assume for every exceptional talent
out there in the market, there are probably three
to four HR recruiters eyeing the same person just
in that country itself, not forgetting the global
boundariless platform we operate in today.
Technology:
Coupled with the raised expectations of talent, the talent pool is also shrinking. With the
advancement of the internet, anyone can be an
entrepreneur with minimal startup capital and
risks.
This advancement has seen many talented
professionals and fresh graduates leaving the
employment market.
Social media has also opened up doors for passive job seekers to be sought out, making retention the other challenge for HR leaders.
Embracing technology as a good buddy would
be every HR professional’s challenge. We are
expected to hire the best talents at more cost
effective methods.
This is where HR professionals need to upskill
and truly invest in technology for better processes, for better data analytics and better research
to more accurately engage, develop and recruit
talents.
Being a social media expert is a skill that has
fast become a requirement for HR professionals.
Thinking out of the box:
Just as we expect to hire the best of talents
and average doesn’t cut it anymore, the same
expectations are placed on HR (especially
from the millennial generation today).
HR needs to be “unique” and “innovative”
in its strategies to recruit, to develop and
to engage its people at every level (and yet
remain compliant to all the necessary legalities).
We can learn a lot from organisations who
have really taken their people strategies to
the next level.
Organisations like Netflix, Infosys, Syntel,
Hong Kong Broadband Network, Tata, Google
and Zappos have taken HR to the next level
and it’s refreshing to see what risks they took
and how these paid off.
The onus of being the Employer of Choice
sits on the shoulders of all HR leaders, and
this is not just a title of an award. It has to
be REAL. With the rise of blogging and social
media, no longer can any organisation hide
under an Employer of Choice award.
Final thoughts:
And the biggest dilemma for HR professionals? It’s our potentially self-fulfilling
prophecies. We will be the ones to create the
talent-driven market of the future with every
move we make today. And then the cycle of
challenges continues.
Also next week
Pace yourself
- it’s a marathon
not a sprint
Entrepreneur Sahar
Hashemi shares her
recipe for
success
Leadership tips
for building a
sustainable
organisation
The role
managers
play in helping their
people grow
If you have any suggestions or feedback on our content, get in touch with the Leaderonomics team at [email protected].
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