Porterbrook Clinic Sheffield Care Trust Sensual Discovery For Couples Stage Three A New Way to Make Love Information for Users of our service Dr Kevan Wylie Clinical Lead Porterbrook Clinic 75 Osborne Road Nether Edge Sheffield S11 9BF Telephone: 0114 271 6671 Fax: 0114 271 8693 Email: [email protected] www.porterbrookclinic.org.uk In this Stage, you will go on to have erectile or ejaculatory difficulties to relax penetrative sex. If you need to use and achieve a degree of penetration contraception, please make sure you without having to manoeuvre into have discussed this beforehand and position. are ready and able to do so during difficulty these exercises. achieving It might be tempting to think, “Right, opportunity to move towards these For a woman who has allowing orgasm, penetration it gives or the back to normal now”, but this would be goals at her own pace. a missed opportunity. We want you to Scissors is very relaxing, and is a good apply everything you’ve learned so far one if you are both tired after a long and discover new things about sexual day! intercourse, not just fall back on doing Women need to be adequately aroused what you’ve always done. and relaxed before penetration begins. opportunity for both of This is an you to Men often assume women are ready experience penetration in a different long before they are, so we suggest you way. agree between you that the woman will All too often, we think of intercourse decide when she is ready to be purely in terms of thrusting movement penetrated, and let the man know. and friction. The problem with this is Similarly, the man will need an adequate that we miss out on the exquisite and erection for penetration – but this does intimate feeling of just being without not mean he has to be extremely hard doing. Learning this can greatly and erect (i.e. the penis pointing increase both physical sensation and upwards). Through experience and by emotional closeness. It can also help using a lubricant, you will learn that enormously if you have suffered from “adequate” may mean much less erect erectile failure or rapid ejaculation. than you might have previously thought To get started, choose one of the two was necessary! sexual positions described further in this leaflet – either “Woman Above (page 4)” or “Scissors (page 6)”. Woman Above is a very important position for helping to solve almost any kind of sexual problem. It allows the man with Sensual Discovery for Couples 6) For either position - While you do this, you may enjoy making eye contact with each other, 1) 2) Set the scene as you have done in telling each other your feelings for previous sessions, and spend some each other and what you are time enjoying each other’s bodies, experiencing, and stroking each drawing on everything you have other’s bodies. learned in Stages One and Two. enjoy touching her own clitoris or When you both feel ready, as part of breasts to enhance her arousal, or your asking the man to do this. love-play, put plenty of lubricant on the penis and at the 3) 4) 5) The woman may 7) When you are ready (or if the penis entrance to the vagina. starts to become soft), make some Relax and breathe slowly, then move gentle movements of the penis and into whichever of the two positions vagina backwards and forwards or you have chosen. up and down (depending on which Start to penetrate very slowly - position you are trying), then pause really, we do mean a millimetre at a again. If the penis slips out of the time. One writer says, “The first vagina at any time, don’t worry - just penetration creates the world in slip it gently back in. If it is not hard 1 which you will make love together”. enough to penetrate again, one of Make it slow and sensuous, so that you can spend some time pleasuring each of you really has time to the penis (as you learned in Stage luxuriate in the sensations and Two) before trying again. feelings it creates. The When the man is inside as far as is especially good for this kind of love comfortable for both of you, stop making, but feel free to experiment with and keep still for a few moments. other positions too. Breathe deeply and enjoy the feeling Stage is simply for both of you to be of relaxed and enjoy the experience of penetrating penetrated. welcoming, and being Imagine the vagina embracing two positions described are The aim of this penetration in a new way. If either - or and both - of you want to go on to climax, containing the penis. Do not worry either during or after this exercise, that’s about the firmness of the man’s ok – but it is certainly not a requirement. erection, but instead relax and enjoy each other’s attention. Taken from a book on Tantric Sex techniques called “The Love Keys” (1999), by Diana Richardson. 1 Stage Three - A New Way to Make Love Rather, the idea is to bring the sensations Woman-Above in your genitals fully into your conscious (these instructions apply to the awareness, and discover that: woman) Intercourse isn’t all (or even mostly) about vigorous movement or Kneel astride your partner, facing him. thrusting. You will be the one who guides his penis Tiny movements can be incredibly slowly and gently into your vagina pleasurable. Sometimes less is more (Figure 1). In this position, you will be – the less movement and exertion, able to control the depth of penetration: the more sensitivity you both if you lean forward with your chest close experience. to his, penetration will be quite shallow, If you do not climax, this does not whereas if you sit upright or lean back a mean the sex has been a waste of little, penetration will be deeper. time; sex without orgasms can be Try both, and see what you enjoy most. very satisfying for both men and Think of the penis as yours to play with, women. explore and enjoy. It will also be easy in We hope that, by the end of the Sensual this position to kiss, maintain good eye Discovery Programme you will be on the contact and for either of you to stroke road to solving the sexual problem you your clitoris and breasts. You might also came to the Clinic with – and more than like to try reaching round behind you and that, that you will also have discovered, if very gently stroking your partner’s you didn’t know already, that there is a testicles, although this is probably not a lot more to sexual enjoyment for both good idea if you are trying to overcome partners than thrusting, orgasm and rapid ejaculation. ejaculation! Sensual Discovery for Couples Figure 1 Stage Three - A New Way to Make Love Scissors Gently insert your penis into your (these instructions apply to the partner’s vagina - your partner may need man) to bend her legs back a little further to assist penetration and ensure that your In this position, you lie on your side and pelvises are comfortably together (Figure your partner lies on her back next to you 2). A variation is to try having one of your at an angle of approximately 45 degrees partner’s legs between yours (Figure 3). to you. She bends her knees up towards This position gives good access to the her tummy and places her calves over woman’s clitoris and breasts, although it your hips, so that they are resting on does make kissing and eye contact a bit your bottom. The entrance to her vagina more difficult, because of the angle you should be snugly against your pelvis. are lying at. Figure 2 Sensual Discovery for Couples Figure 3 Here are some books you might find How to Make Love to the Same Person helpful: for the Rest of your Life – and Still Love It by Dagmar O’Connor (Virgin Books, Rekindling Desire: A Step-by-Step 2003) Program to Help Low-Sex and No-Sex Marriages by Barry and Emily McCarthy (Brunner-Routledge, 2003) Resurrecting Sex: Solving Sexual Problems and Revolutionising your Relationship by David Schnarch (Quill, 2003) Written by ROSE WHITELEY for the Porterbrook Clinic, Sheffield © Porterbrook Clinic 2006 Stage Three - A New Way to Make Love E4 © Porterbrook Clinic 2006