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GET A DATE TODAY! How To Market Yourself For LOVE
“GET A DATE TODAY!
How To Market Yourself For
LOVE”
By:
Vicki Wagner
©The Inspiration Organization-All Rights Reserved
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GET A DATE TODAY! How To Market Yourself For LOVE
© Vicki Wagner
All rights reserved
Limits of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty
The author and publisher of this book and the accompanying
material have used their best efforts in preparing this program. The
author and publisher make no representation or warranties with
respect to the accuracy, applicability, fitness, or completeness of
the contents of this program. They disclaim any warranties
(expressed of implied), merchantability, or fitness for any particular
purpose. The author and publisher shall in no event be held liable
for any loss or other damages, including but not limited to special,
incidental, consequential, or other damages. As always, the advice
of a competent legal, tax, accounting or other professionals should
be sought.
This manual contains material protected under International and
Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or
use of this material is prohibited.
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GET A DATE TODAY! How To Market Yourself For LOVE
Dear Friend:
Has anyone ever told you that you are unique and original and there
has never been anyone quite like you? Has anyone ever told you
that you deserve –and can have- the love of your life and much
more?
You are an extraordinary human being and there is no one who can
prevent you from having the relationships and love you are
searching for. Well, no one, that is, except you.
Within you right now are stories and experiences that no one else on
earth has had but you. You have qualities that others are searching
for. You are far more interesting than you might imagine. This
book is going to show you how bring those stories and qualities to
life. It is going to show you how to market yourself for love.
You have unlimited potential to find the love you want. With a little
help from the information in this eBook, you will be able to define
your personal brand and create your very own Press Kit to help you
attract someone special into your life. You are worthy of having the
relationship you are looking for.
I wish you much happiness, success and love,
Vicki Wagner
©The Inspiration Organization-All Rights Reserved
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GET A DATE TODAY! How To Market Yourself For LOVE
contents
About the Author
6
Welcome
7
Introduction
8
Chapter 1
Why You Should Have a Press Kit
12
Chapter 2
Setting Yourself Up for Success
18
Chapter 3
Determine Why You Want a Relationship
28
Chapter 4
Engaging Your Mind
35
Chapter 5
Goal Setting
42
Chapter 6
Marketing
49
Chapter 7
Get Ready to Rock
55
Chapter 8
Take a Look at Your Actions
87
Chapter 9
Your Online Dating Photo
92
Chapter 10 Get Ready to Write
115
Chapter 11 Discovering Your Interests
118
Chapter 12 Advertising You: Discovering Your Type
145
Chapter 13 Personal Branding
155
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GET A DATE TODAY! How To Market Yourself For LOVE
Chapter 14 What Are You Looking for in a Date?
169
Chapter 15 Writing Your Profile
183
Chapter 16 Getting Online
210
Chapter 17 Excuses
218
Chapter 18 Online Dating Do’s and Don’ts
223
Chapter 19 On the Date
230
Chapter 20 Final Notes From the Author
235
Bonus Material
239
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GET A DATE TODAY! How To Market Yourself For LOVE
About the Author
Vicki Wagner
Vicki Wagner is an Internet Talk Show Host, Speaker and a
Stand Up Comedian who has been on stage
since 2001.
She has been making audiences laugh and
encouraging them to look at their own
shortcomings for almost a decade.
Vicki is often asked for advice on relationships,
marketing, public relations, branding and
advertising. She came up with the idea for
this book in 2006 after teaching the principles
in a seminar. So many of the participants
asked her to write a book that she finally did
and you are reading the end result.
She is often a guest speaker at national conferences and seminars
on such subjects as confidence, happiness and marketing yourself
for success.
Vicki is the host of a Tell-it-like-it-is, no holds bar talk show about
relationships in which she freely gives her advice. “Lesbian Knows
Best-Advice For Straight People.” The hook is that she is gay and
her guests are straight. You can check it out at:
http://www.lesbianknowsbest.com
For book and seminars on Inspiration please go to:
http://www.theinspirationorganization.com
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GET A DATE TODAY! How To Market Yourself For LOVE
Welcome to:
GET A DATE TODAY!
How to Market Yourself For
LOVE
Get a Date Today! How to Market Yourself For LOVE contains
several exercises that are not only designed to help you examine
yourself from different perspectives, but also to teach you powerful
secrets that will help you literally start attracting people to you left
and right not only in the Online Dating world but also in the Physical
world as well.
Although I know you can derive great benefits from the content in
this eBook, taking action will be the key to reaping those rewards.
If you are interested in learning more about how we can help you
with your profile, in your life or through coaching, please email us at
[email protected]
Enjoy your journey and these materials!
Vicki Wagner
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GET A DATE TODAY! How To Market Yourself For LOVE
intro
INTRODUCTION
Congratulations!
Before you get started reading this eBook, I want to congratulate
you on your purchase. Many people say they want something and
then do nothing whatsoever to get it. They hope and wish and
dream but still their life does not change.
Although this book is primarily a book about marketing yourself to
find the love you are looking for, it is also a book about discovering
who you are. In order to properly sell any product a marketer must
know the product: Know what it does, whom it is going to benefit
and who will buy it. (A target market) We are going to cover all of
that in this eBook and more.
I want you to know that I am a big believer in inspirational thinking.
In Latin, the word spire means spirit. Inspiration is really “In Spirit”
and by this I mean you…your spirit, what’s inside of you!
In order for you to get the things you want in life, you must be in
control of your destiny. You must be willing to look within and make
the changes necessary. I am going to help you market yourself but I
need you to first and foremost believe that it is possible for you to
find love and I need you to take the steps to attract it.
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GET A DATE TODAY! How To Market Yourself For LOVE
How Is This Book Going To Help You?
You will get a step-by-step method of designing a profile that
creates winning results. By learning how to market yourself you will
be giving yourself the edge you need to attract the kind of person
you want to meet.
This eBook saves you the agony about what you should write in
your profile. You will learn to pinpoint exactly what you are looking
for in a mate. It will get you crystal clear about what qualities you
want in a partner and why you want those qualities.
Get a Date Today! How to Market Yourself for Love is going to teach
you how to advertise and brand yourself, show you the steps you
need to take to polish yourself up before you ever place a profile
online, tell you how to choose a photographer and much more.
This eBook will also save you the frustration of not knowing how to
get a date online. It covers the types of sites out there, what to
watch out for and what to consider when choosing a site.
You could spend hours searching the Internet for articles on how to
find love online and they are all going to tell you something
different. By doing the exercises contained within, you will dig deep
inside of yourself to discover who you really are and determine what
it is that you have to offer someone. You will learn how to highlight
your better attributes and convey your personality in an
unconventional way. You will learn how to stand out from the pack
and attract attention.
Imagine attracting people to you from all over the Internet. That is
what you will learn to do with this eBook. I have been where you
are. It wasn’t until I applied certain methods to finding love that I
actually did find love. I am confident that those methods will work
for you too.
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GET A DATE TODAY! How To Market Yourself For LOVE
Why is Internet Dating the Way to Go?
Internet dating is still a fairly new concept. This eBook is going to
give you the tools and the confidence to get on an Internet dating
site and display your profile to people who are looking to meet
someone like you.
It is hard enough trying to live your life, hold down a full time job,
pay your bills and maybe even support your kids. The time you
have for social activities seems to grow shorter by the minute. Your
time is valuable. Who has the time to go out and try to meet
someone you might or might not be compatible with?
It seems that less people are going out and there are fewer suitable
bachelors and bachelorettes. When the primary destination for
meeting people is a bar, sometimes the whole ordeal seems like a
hassle. When you are in a bar, you really don’t know who is married
and who is not. Not only that but the prices of drinks are rising, the
gas to get to and fro keeps creeping up and that doesn’t even
cover the possible expenses of getting a DUI.
The older you get the time you want to spend in a bar with a bunch
of drunk 21 year olds decreases with each passing year. These
days when the number of divorces is over 38% per year and people
aren’t getting married until much later, let’s face it: Your chances
of finding your soul mate are getting slimmer by the day.
You can’t always just meet someone in a grocery market, or at the
gym, or at the local coffee shop. Not everyone lives in the city and
spends their time reading books at café. It is harder for you to
seek out and meet a suitable partner.
When you go online and type: Women seeking Men or Men Seeking
Women you have the opportunity to connect with someone who is
looking for someone too. The Internet has opened up an entire
realm of possibilities for a single person looking for love.
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GET A DATE TODAY! How To Market Yourself For LOVE
Online dating has come a long way. It is not the mysterious place it
used to be. There are millions of people using online dating sites to
find love every day. It is much better than traditional dating
because you get to learn a lot about someone before you ever
decide to meet him or her. You can pick and choose whom to
contact based on your similarities with them. There’s no need to
wonder what their background is or where they are from or what
their personality is like. It is all right there in black and white. It is
truly going to dominate the future of dating, as we know it.
What you can look forward to learning in the
following pages:
 Learn how to create your “Personal Brand”
 Learn how to package yourself
 Discover what you have to offer and what your best attributes
are
 Discover the qualities you really want in someone
 Find out why you want someone with those qualities
 Discover how to write in a unique and interesting manner
 Learn how to select a photographer and then select the
perfect picture to put on your profile
 Learn how to write an eye-catching headline
 Learn how to create a screen name that grabs attention
 Discover how to create a profile that will get you the results
that you want
 Learn the do’s and don’ts of Internet dating
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GET A DATE TODAY! How To Market Yourself For LOVE
Chapter1
Why You Should Have A “Press Kit”
“Success” is a relative term. Your version of success will vary
greatly from my version of success and also from the successes of
your friends and family. Let me tell you about some of my success
when I implemented my own marketing plan to get a date online.
But first, let me tell you a little history.
I first heard of online dating in 1996. More and more of my friends
began telling me that they had met their current relationship
partner online. At first I was skeptical. My thoughts about the
types of people who would be online trying to get a date were of
weirdoes and scammers. I had visions of perverted men
masquerading as women and after watching all those TV shows
about catching predator’s online I was quite cynical.
I had used the Internet for buying books and researching products
and companies. I had my own website, which I built to attract fans
of my comedy. I researched comedy clubs and agents and bookers.
In fact, the Internet proved quite useful to me for those types of
things…but to find a date? No way!
Years went by and I still doubted online dating even after a friend
met the love of her life! They met in the early days of Internet
dating and have been together for 12 years now. Another friend
met her husband online and still another met his dream woman. But
that still wasn’t enough to convince me.
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GET A DATE TODAY! How To Market Yourself For LOVE
Finally, after several failed relationships and much prompting from
friends who were using online dating sites, I decided to give it a try.
I discovered the world of online dating in 2005. Like most things I
have done, I have ignored the way others do things and set about
doing it my own way.
My friends told me there were templates you could use or you could
check off general things about yourself but I found that pretty
bland. After years of marketing myself to comedy bookers, I had
my own ideas about selling myself…after all that’s what it is isn’t it?
Selling your self to get a date? Selling someone on the idea of
YOU?
With that I prepared a statement about myself and carefully
selected a catchy headline and screen name. I crafted a well-written
profile, uploaded one of my headshots and paid the fee. I
essentially created a Press Kit. (Will explain in a moment)
Low and behold that within 6 months I would get over 2000 hits on
my profile! Some friends told me that they hadn’t even had a hit on
their profile 3 times! Others had been online for over a year with no
success. Some of my friends began to get jealous of the dates I
was going on. They kept asking what I was doing to be attracting
so many people.
I decided that I would help my friends by taking a look at what they
were “advertising.” After reading one friends’ entire profile, I was
quite dismayed. I knew why she wasn’t getting any dates! She was
literally scaring the men away! Her profile was so boring I would
have stopped halfway through had I not told her I would help.
I saw instantly what was wrong and what she was doing to sabotage
herself. I saw petty grievances and grammatical errors. I saw a
bland, uninteresting profile with a crappy picture that was FLAT,
LIFELESS, and UNEXCITING! No wonder no one was interested!
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GET A DATE TODAY! How To Market Yourself For LOVE
She had no idea of how to sell or market herself! I began to look at
my other friend’s profiles that weren’t having any success either. I
saw the same mistakes over and over!
Their profiles were stale, unimaginative, boring and preachy. Some
of them had unrealistic photos- one was a glamour shot- yuck!
Others had dark photos where you couldn’t distinguish the face, one
had her sunglasses on and some didn’t even have a photo! Hello!
You have to see the product before you will buy!
Not many people purchase something they haven’t been sold on and
that is what we are doing folks- we are selling the best side of
ourselves so someone else will “purchase” the package. I am not
referring to prostitution, so get that out of your head right now!
So, what successes did I experience that were
different from my friends who were growing bitter by
the day?
First of all I wrote my entire profile out of the expertise I had gained
from writing hundreds of query letters to comedy bookers around
the country.
I had learned sometimes the hard way, what worked and what
didn’t. I researched what types of writing persuaded people. I
studied great advertisements and broke them down piece by piece.
I began to read “copywriting” and discover what words the writer
used to entice the audience.
For years I carefully crafted my “Press Kit.” In comedy, a press kit
refers to the package that you send out to comedy bookers that
includes:
1. A Headshot
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GET A DATE TODAY! How To Market Yourself For LOVE
2. A Bibliography
3. A well crafted Cover Letter
4. A List of past performances
5. A smattering of the press you have been in, i.e. newspaper
articles, TV Show appearances, Radio Appearances, etc.
6. A videotape or DVD of your material: In other words of an
actual comedy performance at a comedy club.
7. References from people who have hired you.
Let me tell you about the world of comedy. It is tough! There are
hundreds of thousands of Stand Up Comedians in the United States
and thousands more trying to break in every day. In order to stand
out you better be good and you better know how to market
yourself.
There are some people who suck at comedy but had a brilliant press
kit and voila! They got themselves booked and there are fantastic
hilarious comics who barely leave their hometown coffee shop
because they simply do not know how to market themselves.
To get back to the point, I utilized everything I had taught myself
about getting booked to creating my profile. Within one day I had
10 hits and queries on my profile, within two days I had twenty…by
the end of the week I was overwhelmed with responses to my ad! I
could not keep up with the emails I was receiving and left some of
them unanswered for days at a time!
As I stated earlier, in only 6 months, more than 2000 people had
checked out my profile! Now if that doesn’t get you excited about
the results you might have I don’t know what will!
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GET A DATE TODAY! How To Market Yourself For LOVE
I can hear some of you though. You’re saying- “Well, sure, Vicki,
that worked for you- you were a recognizable comedian.” That is
not so! I was barely known in Los Angeles, where I posted my
profile. The majority of my bookings were out of state. Not only
that, but I never mentioned that I was a Stand Up Comedian on my
profile.
You have to create interest before anyone ever reads your profile
just to get them to click on it! I came up with a headline that
matched my personality and put a terrific picture of me online and
THAT is what generated the interest!
I am going to show you how to do the exact same thing! It’s the
packaging that gets people to check out a product- that is one of
the most important elements of marketing! (At least according to
me!)
Helping You Succeed
If you follow the steps, you will be able to create a profile that will
attract the attention of those you are seeking to attract and then
some! I will help you write about the thing you know best: YOU!
If you still don’t feel that you can do it yourself, you can contact my
office and we do have other services available with a coach to help
you come up with the best possible way of marketing YOU. We
work with you. We are not a PR firm and we aren’t in the business
of writing advertisements. We are firmly committed to seeing YOU
succeed!
Furthermore we have other services that will teach you the
confidence to believe in yourself enough to go for anything you
want in life. I am a big believer in human potential and believe that
everyone has something special about him or her.
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GET A DATE TODAY! How To Market Yourself For LOVE
Okay, so I had success because I knew how to market myself, but
what about you? Can YOU attract numerous visitors to your online
profile? Obviously, I believe the answer to be yes and that is why I
wrote this eBook. I also teach a tele-seminar and a live seminar to
demonstrate exactly how you can get results the way I did. Some
people prefer this method of learning and if you are one of them,
please feel free to let me know.
You are your own Public Relations Agent.
I want to help you make your own version of a “Press Kit.” You are
obviously not sending it to anyone or including a bibliography or a
list of television appearances. You most certainly are not including
a list of “past performances.” That definitely would not work!
But you do have to provide the pizzazz and polish to get someone
interested in you! I like to refer to an online dating ad as a type of a
press kit because that is essentially what it is! You have to in a
sense generate some publicity about yourself by writing a Dating
Profile and get yourself BOOKED on a date!
But for now…
I want to help you dig deep down inside of yourself. I want you to
uproot some of your past conditioning. I want you to realize your
true qualities and talents. I want you to find all the good things
there are to find out about you. But most of all, I want you to have
success and either find the love of your life, or at least the love of
your night!
Read these lessons, do what I ask of you, follow the program step
by step and you will be on your way to joining the list of people who
are out on a Saturday night having fun with someone other than
their Aunt Jane!
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GET A DATE TODAY! How To Market Yourself For LOVE
Chapter 2
Set Yourself Up For Success
As you read this eBook you will find that most of the chapters
contain exercises for you to do. I call them ACTION STEPS. These
steps involve creative, thinking and doing exercises.
The creative exercises use imagination and writing to explore your
inner thoughts and feelings. The thinking exercises ask you think,
answer questions and set goals. The doing exercises actually
require you to physically do something.
Many of the exercises ask you questions and often begin with some
examples. If you feel the examples also pertain to you, feel free to
use them in your answers. All in all, they are designed to get you
thinking. There is no right or wrong way to do these exercises.
They are to help you get to know you better and help you create a
fantastic profile!
The entire first half of this book contains exercises for you to do.
When you finish them, the second half of the book will show you
how to utilize your answers to successfully market yourself. This
eBook is kind of like a motivational/marketing book!
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GET A DATE TODAY! How To Market Yourself For LOVE
Commitment
When you use this guide it is going to jump start your love life and
get you on the fast track to finding your one and only. In this day
and age people are staying single longer than ever before. But who
says you have to be LONELY?
Let’s face it no one likes being lonely. Yes, there are parties to
attend and shopping to do and new places to see…but why should
you have to do it all by yourself? You don’t have to. In fact, being
single is a decision you have made and you can make the choice to
not be single. It is up to you.
I once knew a 45-year-old woman who was single for over 10 years.
In her youth, she was totally hot, had a great body, a good job, she
traveled and for all practical purposes was a good catch. It would
seem she had it all.
At about the age of 35 she stopped dating. Why? Who knows? I
couldn’t believe it! She hadn’t gone on one single date in over 10
years! I asked her how she could be single for 10 years and she told
me, “ I don’t know. Trust me no one PLANS on being single for 10
years! It just happened.”
Excuse me? Trust me, she did indeed decide to be single for that
long because she could have chosen at any time to actively engage
in pursuing a relationship. She chose not to. In essence, she
planned to be single.
So, yes, you do have a choice in the matter. You can either sit back
and hope and pray that someone comes along or you can step up
and actively engage yourself in attracting a lover.
Some Truth…
Listen, I am going to be honest with you. This is going to take
some commitment. If you think that just by reading this book a
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GET A DATE TODAY! How To Market Yourself For LOVE
date is magically going to appear on your doorstep, you are sadly
mistaken.
Anything worth doing should be done well. There is no easy path in
life and you will find that when you try to take the easy route you
often end up taking longer than you would have had you stuck it
out and taken the long path to begin with.
I am not saying this is hard. It is not. In fact, when you follow these
instructions you are going to wonder why you hadn’t done this
before and like I said, you can apply these principles to all areas of
your life.
So you need to make a commitment to yourself right now. You
don’t want to wake up in 10 years from now wondering what
happened do you? I didn’t think so, so before we begin I want you
to make a commitment to yourself.
I want you to go to look in the mirror and say out loud. “You my
beautiful friend are worth it!”
Then I want you to come back here and sign this.
ACTION STEP
I, (write your name below)
Dated:
commit to doing whatever it takes to attract my ideal date to me!
If you follow all the steps, you will soon be able to choose whether
you want to go out on a Saturday night and whoop it up or you
want to sit home alone and stuff your face with popcorn while you
watch one old movie after another. The decision is yours. What’s it
going to be? Are you ready to do whatever it takes? You’re worth
it!
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GET A DATE TODAY! How To Market Yourself For LOVE
20 QUESTIONS FOR SUCCESS
Please Answer These BEFORE You Read This Book
I want you to answer these questions truthfully and spontaneously.
No one is going to see the answers but you. They will help you
while reading this book and get you thinking about finding the right
love for you.
By answering the questions with the first thing that comes to your
mind you are giving a more authentic answer. Sometimes when you
take time to think you are crafting an answer that your brain
approves of. That isn’t what you want to do. You want immediate
answers that pop to the surface of your mind.
Don’t worry you are going to go over them after you finish this
exercise. All of these questions are also in your workbook, so you
can either write them in here, or write them in your workbook.
Give yourself about 10 seconds for each question, time yourself if
you want.
Ready? Ok, let’s get started.
ACTION STEP
1. Why did you buy this book?
2. What do you hope to get out of it?
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GET A DATE TODAY! How To Market Yourself For LOVE
3. Why do you think you are currently single?
4. Have you ever tried Internet Dating?
5. If yes, what were your results?
6. If no, why haven’t you tried Internet Dating before?
7. Where do you usually go to meet someone?
8.Has going to these places been successful for you?
Yes
No
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GET A DATE TODAY! How To Market Yourself For LOVE
9. Why or Why not?
10. What happens when you go out to bars? Do you meet dates
there?
11. When is the last time you changed your hairstyle?
12. When is the last time you bought new clothes for your
wardrobe?
13. When is the last time you had a manicure/pedicure? (This
includes men)
14. What is your current status?
Single, have had a relationship over 2 years
Single, have never had a relationship last 2 years
15. If you have had a relationship last over 2 years why didn’t it
work out?
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GET A DATE TODAY! How To Market Yourself For LOVE
16. If you have not had a relationship last over 2 years, why not?
17. Is there anything about you you’d like to change?
18. What’s stopping you from changing?
19. What are your best qualities?
20. What are your worst qualities?
GOOD! You’re Finished! See that wasn’t so bad was it? Answering
these questions is going to get you thinking about the relationships
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GET A DATE TODAY! How To Market Yourself For LOVE
you’ve had and the role you’ve played in attaining or not attaining
them. The Q and A’s are solely for YOUR benefit.
Now what I want you to do is go back and read your answers. This
is the time to do some evaluating. Is there anything more that
you’d like to add? Feel free to give yourself a little more time to
each answer now.
I want you to think about your past decisions and decide if you are
really open and willing to play full out to get what you want. Aren’t
you tired of being lonely? In order to get the things you want in life
you must be willing to do the things necessary to get them.
Are you? I hope you just said yes. Ok, let’s continue.
Sometimes we don’t see ourselves the way we really are. We often
have clouded judgment about ourselves both good and bad. What I
want you to do RIGHT NOW is call up a trusted friend, one that
knows you really well. I want you to ask them two questions.
I want you to ask them what they think your Positive and Negative
qualities are. Just say, “Hey, I was doing some personal work on
myself and was wondering if you can help me?” Most people want
to help and usually will if you ask them.
If you don’t feel comfortable asking a friend, then ask a family
member or a teacher or a mentor. Make sure it is someone who
really knows you though, or you won’t get the benefit of this
exercise.
You don’t have to tell them that you bought this book or what you
are doing. Like I said, you can just say you wanted to see yourself
as someone else sees you. Of course, if you want to tell them
about the book, by all means do so. They may open up more and
offer you more help down the road.
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When you have enlisted the help of your friend, ask them, “What do
you think my best qualities are?” After they tell you, ask, “What do
you think my worst qualities are?”
Ask them, “Is that all? Are you sure?” They may be reluctant to
tell you so be patient. Tell them to be honest and that you won’t
be mad about what they say. Remember this is helping you!
ACTION STEP
 Call a trusted friend and ask for help discovering your qualities
Friend’s name
Make the call.
What are my best qualities?
What are my worst qualities?
THANK THEM!
No matter what they told you, you have promised not to be mad or
take offense to what they have said. Don’t argue with them or try
to defend yourself. Just accept their observations.
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Create Your Focus Statement
Before you read any further, I want you to create a focus statement
to guide your thinking throughout this eBook about why you want
to post a profile online. A focus statement is simply a statement
that guides your thoughts about why you want to do something. It
keeps your mind focused on the end goal.
Why do you want to post a profile online?
•
Do you want a long-term relationship?
•
Do you want to fall in love?
•
Do you want lots of sex from random strangers?
For example, “ I want to create an awesome profile that attracts the
attention of the woman/man of my dreams so I can have a long
term relationship with him or her.”
What is your focus statement? Why do you want to post an online
profile?
ACTION STEP
• Write your Focus Statement down now:
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Chapter 3
Determine Why You Want a Relationship
Finding the motivation to make it happen!
You can want and hope and dream that you will share your life with
someone but unless you actually take steps to make it happen,
chances are it won’t! You have already taken the first step by
buying this eBook. The next step is to complete all of the exercises
in it. In order to do that, you may need some motivation.
The dictionary defines “Motivation” as:
1. The act of giving somebody a reason or incentive to do
something
2. A feeling of interest or enthusiasm that makes somebody
want to do something, or something that causes such a
feeling
3. A reason for doing something or behaving in some way
4. The biological, emotional, cognitive, or social forces that
activate and direct behavior
Encarta® World English Dictionary © 1999 Microsoft Corporation.
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There are hundreds of self-proclaimed “Motivational Guru’s.” Some
of the more popular ones are Tony Robbins, Brian Tracy or Earl
Nightingale. The granddaddy of them all was Napoleon Hill, who
followed the life of Dale Carnegie and wrote about the most
successful men in America at the time.
Many of them talk about the power of “why.” They always say that
the “why” is more important than the “how.” Don’t worry about
how you are going to find love, worry about why you will do it. I am
going to show you how to market yourself for love.
Your mind is programmed to act in certain ways. When you ask
yourself, “Why should I take the steps to follow the directions in
this eBook?” Your mind starts looking for reasons. If it doesn’t find
good enough reasons it will not go about vigorously trying to pursue
the task. In fact it will revert back to your old ways.
In other words…
When you give your mind a big enough “WHY” to do the work
required, then your subconscious will go to work achieving the
answer you gave it. It will find a way to make whatever you have
told it to happen!
When you are tired of being lonely every week or you are sad that
you don’t have someone special or simply that you just don’t want
to spend tomorrow by yourself, your subconscious mind will go to
work finding out how to make it happen!
•
The “why” is you don’t want to be lonely anymore!
•
The “why” is you are tired of being sad.
•
The “why” is you don’t have anyone to do things with.
•
The “why” is you don’t have anybody to love.
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For some of you, you are simply irresistible creatures of nature who
want to have a little fun on a Friday night that involves the getting
naked of another person!
•
The “why” is that you want to have sex with someone!
Perhaps that is why you purchased this eBook. You decided to get
the help you needed to make your desires a reality! You decided to
do whatever it took to change your life and not be single anymore.
That is how the brain works! It is very powerful! It will do whatever
it takes to achieve the goal you set for it.
I want to congratulate you right now on taking that step! It was a
big one. Not many people will commit to doing what it takes to get
what they want! You deserve to be happy and find someone to
share your happiness with. You deserve to get out and have some
fun! You deserve to have someone appreciate you.
Why? Because you are worth it!
ACTION STEP
What’s my motivation for doing the exercises in this book? Why
don’t I want to be single any longer?
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Now, examine your feelings about having a relationship. List what it
is that you like about being in a relationship. Most people find that
they like the things that make them feel good.
What do you like about having a relationship?
For example, you might write:
•
I like having a companion to go do things with.
•
I like having someone to sleep with and cuddle up to.
•
I like having someone to talk about my day with.
•
I like having someone to share my dreams with.
Notice that these things are stated in the positive whereas the
previous things you listed stemmed from the negative
consequences of not having a date. The things you are going to
now write will all be the positive aspects of having and being in a
relationship.
ACTION STEP
The things I like about having a relationship are:
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After that pep talk- here’s the downside…
Procrastination!
You purchased this eBook, but you have to take the steps contained
within to actually make your goal a reality and that is going to take
some soul searching. It is going to take some getting honest with
yourself! It requires you taking a good hard look at YOU.
To achieve the goal of finding love it will take a few hours of your
time to actually sit down and THINK of what you really want in a
person and why you want it! It is going to take time to write a
profile and also do the physical steps required to polish you up and
get you ready for your close-up!
Your profile is not going to magically appear at the end of this
eBook! It is going to take YOU, my dear colleague to keep your half
of the bargain. I use the word colleague because we are going to be
working together to make it happen. Isn’t your desire to be with
someone strong enough to warrant you doing the work it might
take?
Procrastination is a big reason people don’t accomplish things.
Many people procrastinate, even me, so I know it might also be one
of your hurdles too. What is procrastination? It is prolonging or
delaying doing something and sometimes not doing it at all!
The answer to procrastination is to cut right through it! Roll up
your sleeves and just get down to work and do it!
Remember sitting home on Valentine’s Day all by your self? Is that
a big enough reason to get off your butt? How about spending the
holidays alone, or watching your friends run off and getting married?
Ok, maybe you don’t want to get “married,” but how about going
solo to the movies because there was no one to go with? Is that
enough reason to keep you focused? I hope so!
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ACTION STEP
Write down 5 reasons why you won’t procrastinate:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
If thinking of 5 reasons you won’t procrastinate doesn’t pack a big
enough punch to get you going, then you may want to try a
different approach.
I want you to write down some of the saddest times for you that
you were alone. Maybe you wanted to go out on New Year’s Eve
but didn’t have anyone to go with. Maybe a close friend or family
member died and you didn’t have anyone to comfort you. Maybe
you had a big achievement but no one to share it with.
ACTION STEP
Take a few moments to write down your saddest alone times.
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How did spending those times alone make you feel?
If thinking of all the sad and lonely times you spent by yourself and
remembering how crappy it made you feel doesn’t compel you to
stick with it, I don’t know what will!
You may be wondering what this has to do with marketing you for
love? It has everything to do with it. In order to market anything
one has to know every detail of the product. It takes time to
discover those details. When you can pinpoint the reasons you
want to have a relationship, you can begin to see some of the
reasons to give this your all. This is a process of personal selfdiscovery. It’s like product development.
Sometimes writing things down isn’t enough to get us to stick with
something so you have to wake your brain up a little. You have to
see in your minds eye what life might be like with your soul mate. I
am going to cover how to “picture the results you want” in the
next chapter.
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Chapter 4
Engaging Your Mind
Picture yourself putting your arm around someone and touching his
or her hand. Picture kissing their lips or making love to them.
Picture going out dancing at a hot club and you are all dressed up
and are the envy of everyone there! Imagine watching your date
get closer to you on the dance floor and smelling the scent of their
perfume or cologne.
Does that motivate you? How about the feeling you will get when
someone is caressing your skin and softly stroking your face?
Imagine how it will FEEL when you have someone to call and they
are actually looking forward to hearing from you!
Imagine hearing someone saying your name in soothing tones as
they gently brush your skin with their fingertips. Imagine talking to
them on the phone on your lunch break to say hello.
Imagine how you will FEEL when you are gazing into your date’s
eyes across the table at a swanky new restaurant that you have
never been to! Yes, that’s it! Imagine the possibilities! Anything is
possible…but first- you have to get the DATE!
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ACTION STEP
How will you feel when you have someone to kiss and cuddle with?
How will you feel when someone calls you in the middle of the day
to tell you they miss you?
What other positive feelings come up for you?
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Visualization
There are many techniques that the scientific world has come up
with to get you motivated. Remember, your subconscious is more
powerful than your conscious mind. Imagination is more powerful
than reality!
Research has shown that when you can see something in your minds
eye, your brain doesn’t differentiate the reality and so assumes it is
real.
Did you ever have a dream at night and wake up in a fit of anxiety?
That is because your brain did not differentiate your dream from
reality. Your mind actually believed whatever scene was playing in
your mind at the time.
In a moment you are going to be doing an exercise that is very
compelling. You are going to use a technique called Neuro
Linguistic Programming (NLP). It has been used for decades to
effect change in individuals.
ACTION STEP
Right now, I want you to find a comfortable place to sit. Pick
somewhere that you will not be disturbed for the next few minutes.
Please turn off your cell phone and any music that may be playing
such as a radio or stereo.
In a moment I will ask you to close your eyes. Take a few deep
breaths right now and get yourself comfortable. Try to take long
deep breaths. The point is to decelerate your heartbeat and relax.
If possible concentrate on your breath for the next two minutes,
just inhale and exhale. On each exhale just let go of any tension or
anxiety you may be having. You can count backwards from 21 while
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imagining yourself going down a ladder. You are going to become
more and more relaxed with each breath you take.
In a moment you will be picturing in your minds eye what a perfect
date for you would be. You are going to visualize what would
happen, where you will be and what he or she might look like.
Imagine yourself in the middle of the scene and see it in full color.
See it bright! See it big! What are you wearing? Where are you?
Are you walking along the beach? Are you at a museum? Are you
roller-skating? What is happening? Hear the sounds around you.
Are you in a coffee shop? Who is around you? Can you smell
anything? What does your environment look like? What are you
saying?
What do you See? What do you Hear? What do you Feel?
Ok, now you’re ready.
Stop reading and do this exercise. Do not read further without
doing this crucial step
ACTION STEP
Set an alarm for 12 minutes and go to a comfortable, quiet spot.
Do the above-suggested activity. For the first two minutes get into
a relaxed state and for the next 10 minutes imagine what your ideal
date is like including the sounds, smells and sights you experience as
well as any feelings that come up for you.
Ready? Begin.
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Ok, now that you have just visualized your ideal date, I want you to
write down what happened in your mind. Write down everything
that you experienced. Write down what you saw, what you heard
and where you were. What did the person you were with look like?
What were you saying to each other? What were you wearing? If
you need more room write on your own paper.
Imagination
Earlier I told you that imagination is more powerful than reality.
Imagine how it will feel when you have a variety of people to pick
from to go on dates with. Imagine how it will feel when you can go
on a different date every night of the week if you choose.
Imprint those ideas into your head because in a few moments you
are going to be writing some of them down. You are going to be
doing exercises that will bring out your full potential as someone
who is in demand!
Sit back and smile my friend because it is possible that within a
short time you will actually be experiencing those things! They can
become a reality! What are some of the things you can think of
right now that will get that motor of yours running?
How will you feel when you are actually dating someone?
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Will you feel:
•
Confident?
•
Happy?
•
Relieved?
ACTION STEP
• Take a few moments right now to write down how you will feel
when you are actually in a relationship.
When I am in a relationship I will feel:
How will you feel when you have a variety of people to pick from to
go on dates with?
How will you feel when you go to sleep knowing that in the morning
you have someone to share your day with?
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How will it feel when you bring your date around your friends and
family?
I want you to get the juices flowing immediately. That way you
have ideas to draw from as you are doing the exercises. I want you
to know WHY you want to do this. I want you to experience the
benefits of actually doing the exercises in this eBook! I will be right
here- step by step- guiding you! I will encourage you and keep
reminding you of why YOU are worth it!
I want to help you get what you want! I want to help market you
for love! I want you to know that you will understand exactly what
you need to do to change this part of your life- and who knows, it
may change other parts of your life as well!
There have been many books written on many of the techniques we
are going to go through. I encourage you to continue searching
different practices and techniques on how to better yourself. After
all, you are certainly a person who deserves to have the best
training you can get.
Are you ready?
Let’s get started! In the next chapter I am going to briefly cover
goal setting and why you need to make some relationship goals
before we dive into the marketing part of the book.
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Chapter 5
Goal Setting
All top- level people set goals. People such as athletes, movie stars,
musicians, and successful business people all set goals. Goals give
you an idea of what it is you want to attain and give you an idea of
what it is you want to work towards.
There are many goals you can set for yourself in your life. For our
purposes you are going to stick to setting Relationship Goals. It is
fine if you want to use these methods in other areas of your life,
but for now, let’s just focus on this one area.
Some teachers of goal setting tell you to create a big picture of
what you want your life to be like in five years. They then tell you
to work backwards towards achieving that goal.
For example: Let’s say that in five years from now you want to be
married. You have to work backwards towards making that a
reality. So in three years you might want to move in with someone.
In two years you might want to be steadily dating someone and
within one year you need to meet someone. Then they say to break
it down in 3-month chunks of time.
That seems very ambitious and you could certainly go about setting
goals like that but for now, let’s just think in present tense. Five
years is a long time from now. For now, you just want to get a
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date! That is your first goal! In order to get a date you need to
focus on finishing this eBook and posting your profile online.
Here’s How Goal Setting Works
When you want something bad enough you will do the things
necessary to attain it. Then you can make a detailed plan of goals
and actions to attract and meet your ideal date.
When you just “send out to the universe” the hope that you will
meet someone, you often will not. You have to have a PLAN and
you need to take action! You need to know why you want
something if you really intend to get it. By now you should have a
pretty good reason why you want a relationship.
You have been doing a lot of writing about why you want a
relationship and why you don’t want to be single anymore and why
you are motivated to continue taking the steps in this eBook. You
have done some visualization techniques and thought about your
sad and lonely times. Having goals will help you in your pursuit.
Goals are only accomplished when you provide the proper structure
for their realization. I am going to give you some tips that will help
you structure your goals.
There are a number of ways to set goals for yourself but I am going
to show you a certain method of actually making your goal of
attracting someone to you online a reality!
Are you ready to set some goals? All right then, let’s go!
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Goal Setting Tips
1. Know what you want.
Yes, we know that you want a date and that you want it soon! But
just stating that you want a date won’t actually get you one. You
have to define what kind of date you want.
For instance, do you want:
• A one-night stand
• A casual dating companion
• A date to see what’s out there
• A person to go to dinner and the movies with
• A long-term relationship
• A sex partner
• To get back on the dating scene and don’t care who you date
• Someone to help you get over your ex (A recovery date)
• A new friend
• A serious candidate for future marriage
ACTION STEP
• Figure out right now the kind of date you want.
Write it down:
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2. Know why you want a relationship.
That is why it was important for you to do the previous exercises
about why you wanted a relationship. Go back right now and pick
the most compelling reason.
Write it down:
3. Know what kind of person you are trying to attract.
We are going to get more in depth with this later but for now to
open your mind, think about the basic characteristics you want.
Do you want someone that is?
•
Young or old
•
Rich or middle class
•
Fat or thin
•
Male or female
4. Keep it positive.
When you actually write your goal of having a relationship down you
want to write the positive aspects of it. I know you might be
thinking, “Well why did you want me to write how lonely I am?” That
was a step to let your subconscious mind know that completing this
eBook is worth pursuing. Who wants to be lonely?
5. Know what it is you want to get out of having an
actual relationship:
•
Someone to love me
•
Someone to take care of my pets when I am gone
•
Someone to have sex with
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•
Someone to share my hopes and dreams with
What is it that you want to get out of having a relationship?
6. Be realistic.
Everyone wants to have a hot, sexy boyfriend or girlfriend, but
sometimes that is not realistic. If you stated that you wanted to
date one of the girls from Sex in the City or an actor on Entourage
that’s probably not going to happen.
I have a friend that insists that Antonio Banderas is her soul mate.
Yeah, her and every other woman with a pulse. So, please, be
realistic about who it is you want to attract. I am not saying that
you won’t be the next big thing, but know your parameters.
7. Be specific.
If you write “I want someone to love me.” That’s too vague. You
need to be a little more precise; in fact you have to state the
gender of the person you desire along with some of your favorite
attributes. For instance: “I want a man who is thoughtful,
generous and kind.”
8. Create a timeline.
In order to go about really making your goals a reality, you need to
have a deadline; otherwise your goal will only remain a dream to
attain at some point in the future.
For instance:
• “Within four months I will be dating a wonderful woman.”
• “Within a year I will be living with a compassionate man.”
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• *“Within one week I will finish reading this eBook and have my
profile online.”
9. Believe it will happen
You must absolutely know in your heart that you will find the person
you are looking for. You must believe that there is someone out
there looking for you. You can’t be all wishy-washy and say, “Well,
nobody wants me and that’s why I’m single to begin with.” You
have to state with conviction that there is someone out there for
you and that you will find him or her online. You have to believe
that you can meet them.
10. Write it down
You can’t just wish these things into fruition. Your mind responds
more actively when you actually write things down. Don’t be overly
wordy. Your brain can only handle a certain thought at a time. It
cannot focus on:
“I want someone who is cute and smart and sexy and good in bed
and good with kids and wants to get married and who gets along
with his family and wants a relationship with my Mother and knows
how to cook and likes to clean and takes my car for washes every
week and buys me presents and reads to me in bed and takes my
dog for a walk and…”
You get the point! That is not specific and too hard to attain. You
might get lucky and meet someone with all of those qualities, they
certainly exist…in a fairytale, but for goal setting that’s too much.
For now, just stick with something like:
“Within two months I will be having a casual dating relationship with
a handsome man in his forties who is confident, secure and
thoughtful who will accompany me to various social outings.”
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Ok, I know that sounds like I just wrote an ad for a male escort, but
you know what you are looking for and you need to believe that
after writing this profile that you will find whomever it is you desire.
Your goals are different from your Focus Statement
ACTION STEP

Write Goals Down
So go ahead and combine all of the elements above and write down
your relationship goals:
Great! Now that you have set some goals for yourself and have an
idea of what you are looking for we are going to get to the heart of
this eBook: Marketing yourself for love!
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Chapter 6
Marketing
Marketing deals with Product, Price, Place and Promotion and
includes advertising, distribution and selling. Marketing is
anticipating customer’s needs and wants. So essentially marketing
is helping someone sell a product or service that people not only
desire, but also are willing to buy. Therefore, marketing must create
value, desire and benefit to the end user.
When most people think of marketing they think of these “4 P’s.”
In this eBook we are going to apply the 4 P’s to you to create value
to the end user: your ideal date.
In breaking down the 4 P’s: You are the “Product;” your value to
others is your “Price”. You will “Promote” you according to your
best attributes, brand you and “Place” you on an online dating site.
Following the steps in this eBook is going to help you market
yourself, determine your target audience, brand you, package you,
sell you and advertise you. For the purposes of this book- your
target audience is the people who you want to attract and who are
willing to “buy” you - they are your “ideal date.”
In marketing you, you will take your best attributes, polish you up
and put you on display for everyone to see. By creating a vigorous
campaign to promote you, the product, your goal is to help you find
love.
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Advertising
Advertising is attempting to persuade a customer to consume a
product, service or brand through promotion. Advertising is what a
consumer sees or hears about a product from the advertising
agency. Advertisements are placed on television, on the radio, in
the newspaper, in magazines, on the Internet, on buses, taxicabs,
trains, walls, billboards, benches, printed flyers, etc. Any place that
advertisers think they can reach people they will place an ad.
An online dating profile is simply an advertisement of you. It is a
“promotion.” Remember, not all advertising is good. Advertising
stems from marketing. Many a product has gone by the wayside
because it wasn’t marketed properly. Marketing and advertising go
hand in hand.
Here’s how marketing works:
The marketer determines a target market. They create an image
usually of what the product will do for the target market. They
create a product brand for the product, then they create packaging
around that brand and then they deliver a message to the people
who want to identify with that type of a message: that is the
advertising. The message is usually that the product is reliable
that it gets results and that it will do something for the person who
bought it.
When an advertising agency thinks about writing an ad they
concentrate on what it will SAY. It is not just about writing a
description of the product, or writing text on paper. It is about
what the ad will mean or denote to the target market.
For instance, if a business were selling toothpaste there are many
different ways to sell it and emphasize its benefits. Perhaps a
benefit would be getting more kisses from someone, or cleaner
feeling teeth or a brighter smile.
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If the ad just listed the ingredients of the toothpaste, not many
people would buy it even though the ingredients are what actually
clean people’s teeth. That is not what the advertiser focuses on,
they focus on marketing “what people will buy.” People don’t buy
ingredients, they buy something that will give them a result: they
buy a brighter smile. You want to focus on the things that people
will “buy” about you.
What Is The Purpose of Advertising?
Advertising lets the target audience know that a product is out
there. For instance, if the ad was in print, the advertiser would
write some copy, create a headline to grab a reader, create interest
and make the reader want to know more.
The whole purpose of advertising is to attract attention, stimulate
interest, create desire and bring about action: AIDA- Attention,
Interest, Desire, Action.
That is what I am going to help you do:
•
Get Attention
•
Get your ideal date’s Interest
•
Create a Desire in them to contact you
•
Get them to take Action
That is what the focus of this eBook is: Marketing YOU
with the principles of advertising through AIDA to your
target market .
The mistake most people make when they decide to start dating
online is that they just pick any old dating website, follow the
instructions posted on the site, upload any old picture and then
hope that they can attract someone.
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What usually happens is that it doesn’t work and the person gets
disgruntled thinking that online dating doesn’t work. That’s just
not true. Millions of people use dating sites and thousands of
people meet everyday online.
Some people know how to market themselves and some of them
simply got lucky. What we are going to do is tip the odds in your
favor by properly creating a profile that is going to get you results.
Now because you don’t have hundreds of thousands of dollars to
hire an advertising agency you did the smart thing by buying this
eBook. I am going to be honest; it is going to take some work. In
order to know how to properly market yourself you are going to
have to get crystal clear on who you are, what you want, and why
you want it.
In the following pages you will be given exercise after exercise to
pinpoint your best traits, selling points and characteristics. You are
going to end up with a great deal of information on you that will
hopefully reflect the wants and desires of your ideal date. I can’t
wait to hear about your results or see your great profile when you
are done.
A Word About Who Else Is Online
I also want you to remember that every other person on the dating
site is not only someone to vie for but they are also your
competitors. In order for you to attract your ideal date, you must
have a competitive advantage. Your competitive advantage is this
eBook. When you follow the steps exactly you are going to slash the
competition! Don’t leave anything to chance. Get busy Samurai!
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To Succeed Against Your Competition:
• Determine Target Market (Your Ideal Date).
• Define what they want.
• Learn the words they use to communicate so you speak in
their language.
• Offer yourself as the “solution to their problem.”
ACTION STEP
• Browse through a few online personal ads.
• See what the people who have posted the ads are looking for.
• If you feel like you have some of the qualities they are looking
for (you are the answer to their problem), you can either
strategically create an ad to target them or post a profile
listing some of the attributes that you think they might want.
• Always be one step ahead of the competition
Packaging
Throughout this eBook you will hear me talk about packaging, which
is what will help sell you. In the retail world, the packaging is usually
the box or wrapper the product came in. One of the objectives of
marketers is to design effective packaging that will draw a
consumer in. Sometimes a product isn’t even that great, but if the
package is, people will usually be drawn to it.
There are also lots of terrific products that never get sold because
they were in bad packaging. For your online ad your package is:
Your Photo, Your Headline, the Image you convey and your Personal
Brand. What you write in your profile is the “ad copy.”
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Can you imagine if Marlboro tried selling cigarettes in a pink box?
That’s not the image they are trying to convey. They are selling
rugged and cool. It doesn’t matter if you smoke or not, Marlboro is
one of the most recognizable brands in the world. Their packaging is
consistent and simple.
In the physical world you display your packaging every time you
step out the door. Your packaging is the clothes your wear, the
hairstyle you have and the shoes you walk out in. You are literally a
living breathing walking package. You can package yourself as rough
and rugged, stylish and trendy, sporty and conservative or any
other variety of packages you choose.
When a company wants to rebrand a product, one of the first things
they do is change the packaging. In order to package you we are
going to display your finest attributes and put them in a shiny new
box…Online!
Now please know that in marketing you I do not believe that you are
only made up of the things that we are going to discover in the
following pages. I am a spiritual person who believes that you are
also awareness and consciousness and energy. In the marketing
world that is hard to package so for the purpose of this book we are
going to deal with the things that make up your essence that we
can package.
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Chapter 7
Get Ready To Rock
The single biggest mistake I see people make is that they don’t
listen to the advice of others. I am not saying you have to write in
to Dear Abbey. What I am saying is that maybe you have been out
of the dating scene for a while. Maybe your style needs a little
updating. Maybe you need a haircut. Maybe you need to polish up
your image.
My advice: Listen to those who know and love you best! If your
best pal is telling you that you need to get out of the 80’s- then
guess what? A Dustup is in order. Having the courage to step
outside of yourself is going to make all the difference.
When you stay with the familiar, you take no risk, and when you
don’t take risks you don’t change. When you don’t change, you
don’t grow. No one is talking about changing your core personality
here, I am merely suggesting that you get out of your comfort zone
and take a shot at improvement.
I can’t tell you how to package yourself, but sometimes the way we
see ourselves and the way others see us are two different views.
You may think you look like Johnny Depp when everyone else thinks
you bare no resemblance to him at all. You may tout your looks in
your profile but the goods better be as described or that is false
advertising my friend!
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Do you remember that old saying that First Impressions Are
Everything? That has stood the test of time and has not changed.
The first thing that people are going to see on your profile is your
picture, which we are going to cover in depth later. They are going
to form an impression of you immediately either positively or
negatively based on that picture.
In that one instant they are going to click on or click off of your
profile. If they click off, you could be the nicest person in the world
but they will never know because they didn’t give you a chance.
In the marketing world this is part of packaging. Will the package
come in a nice display case or does it look like something for sale at
a flea market? How you look on the outside is the first thing that
will sell you in the online world.
The physical outer image that you present to the rest of the world
is going to say a lot about you. What do you want it to say?
Do you want your photo to say:
• I’m outdated
• I’m washed up
• I’m a geek
• I’m sloppy
• I don’t care about my appearance
• I couldn’t find any good pictures of me so I chose the
closest one I had access to
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Or do you want your photo to say:
• I’m confident
• I’m attractive
• I’m approachable
• I’m friendly
• I’m funny
• I’I care enough about my image to post a professional photo
• I’m worth clicking on
ACTION STEP:
What do you want your image to say about you?
Take some time to write down ten things right now that you want
your image to convey to the outside world
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
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Once you know what you want your image to say about you then
you can take action on what you need to do to convey that image.
There’s an old saying that goes something like: “Who do I need to
become in order to be the person I want to be?” If you want to be
someone that others want to date you may need to change a few
things about you.
Vicki’s Advice tip #1
Get a Makeover
That’s right- you heard me! A Makeover. Guys, this applies to you
too! If you still have that tail hanging down your back from the 90’s
or clothes in your closet from the 80’s- guess what? It’s gotta go!
I can hear some of you saying, “But Vicki darling, I’m absolutely
stunning, I already look fabulous!” Maybe you do, and maybe you
just think you do! Either way, there are plenty of people out there
who need to update themselves. I’ve seen them first hand. Not
everyone is a beautiful model from Beverly Hills who just got
collagen injections in her lips and liposuction on her ass and is
wearing $500 jeans.
I can hear some of you men right now too saying, “Well if she
doesn’t like my mullet she can take a hike!” Guess what? She
already has- away from you! Mullets should have gone out of style
in the 80’s. Pick one hair style- Short or Long! Make a decision
damn it! A mullet sounds like some kind of small animal and that’s
what it looks like on your head too! So get rid of it!
Have you ever watched Oprah when they pull some guy off the
street that looks like he has been living in a cave for the last 20
years? Oprah’s staff gets a hold of him and he walks out a few
hours later looking like Mr. GQ Rico Suave.
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What do the camera people show? They show the REACTION shots
of all the females in the audience gasping at how hot this guy
suddenly is. All along there was a beautiful man trapped under all
that unruly hair and his belly length beard. That’s right- one by
one they show woman after woman with her eyes popping out of
her head. Now they all want this guys phone number.
Then they take some haggard old bag of a woman who hasn’t worn
a new outfit in 10 years and has had the same hairstyle since
GREASE the movie came out- in fact she is still trying to duplicate
one of the hairstyles from the movie.
The next thing you know out comes a fashion model- no wait- that
was just the same woman from a few hours ago. And you know
what- she looks incredible! She struts out with an air of confidence.
You can tell she feels fabulous and she looks like it too.
Her family usually is crying because they can’t believe how beautiful
she is. She sits down with Oprah and starts crying too! She never
knew that she was the beautiful swan that she now is.
Both the men and the women get a fantastic reaction from the
audience after their makeovers and they go home feeling elated and
like new people.
I am not saying that you can’t go back to living in a cave after your
dust up, but I bet with the reaction you start getting with your new
look that you never will. Just give it a chance and if you don’t like
the outcome, go back to the old way of doing things.
I can hear some of you though. You won’t do the maintenance
required to keep up the look so why bother. I’ll tell you why. This is
a book about marketing. In marketing you display the best possible
image of the product you can. When you only have a square inch of
space to get someone to click on your profile to find out more
about you, you need to make sure you display the most flattering
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image of you that you can possibly put up. A makeover will help
you get that image.
Things Won’t Change Until You Do
I was in a seminar once in the early 1990’s where the speaker said,
“If you always do what you’ve always done, then you’ll always get
what you’ve always got.”
It’s worth repeating. Read it out loud SLOWLY
“If you always do what you’ve always done, then you’ll always get
what you’ve always got.”
I never forgot it. Ever. What it translates to is this- if you continue
to live your life the same way and you continue to have the same
hairstyle and wear the same clothes you will continue getting what
you have gotten in the past. Either attracting the wrong types of
people, or no people at all. Both are equally bad.
So what do you say my friend? How about taking a detour in the
looks of your life just this once.
But Vicki, I thought this was a book marketing myself for love? It Is!
In order to market you we have to hone you, craft you and perfect
you. We have to display the best product we can.
These are some of the key things I want you to do before you ever
post your profile. This is the packaging part of you! Remember, I
want you to succeed! I want you to find the love of your life. I
want you to get hundreds of hits on your profile.
I want you to be the hot new item that people desire. Before you
ever write one word on your profile I want to give you a new outlook
of you. I want to get you into the mode of, “I’m awesome! People
want ME!”
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If you take my suggestions, you will be writing from a new polished
up perspective and perspective is everything. The person in the
hole and the person looking down at the person in the hole have an
entirely different perspective on life don’t they? I am not saying
that you are either one of these people; I am just using that as an
analogy.
Sometimes in life, we have to give ourselves a different perspective,
and I’m going to help you do it. I am going to help you see yourself
in a whole new light, maybe one you hadn’t thought of before.
Sometimes we need to shake things up and take a look at what isn’t
working anymore. But Vicki, you said I wouldn’t have to change!
You aren’t changing. You are just enhancing your image.
What I am suggesting is a Clean Up- a tune up if you will. I have a
motorcycle and if I let is sit in the garage all winter without getting
a tune up, in the spring it won’t start. So let’s do a little Spring
Cleaning right now.
Thinking From a New Perspective
But why do I have to get a tune-up now, before I post my profile?
Because I want to get you thinking in a new way. I want you to
write from the BEST YOU. It is scientifically proven that when
someone gets dressed up in a suit and has a sharp hairstyle and is
all cleaned up they perform better.
I am not saying that you have to put on a suit; I am just stating a
fact: A polished appearance actually enhances self-esteem.
This is what happens in the military. The military will take the
sloppiest, ugliest, filthiest bum with no aspirations in life and turn
him or her around in a matter of weeks.
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Do you know the first thing that happens once you get to boot
camp? They give you a haircut. If you are a female they are also
either going to give you a haircut or you have to tie your hair back
so that it is not touching your collar. They are polishing and
grooming you.
The second thing they do is take your clothes and give you a
uniform. Then they require that you iron it and take care of it and
keep it looking crisp and sharp.
Do you know why they do this? To change your image of yourself!
They take you from what you were to the possibility of what you
can be. This instills a sense of pride in oneself. That is what we are
going to do. Instill a sense of pride in you. Get you strutting your
stuff. You can leave the feather boa at home this ain’t about the
freakshow.
Now I am not advocating that you run out and join the military or
that you get a uniform. Far from it. What I am advocating is a
change of mindset. Get you out of the “I’m single, nobody wants
me” rut and into the “I’m hot, everybody wants me” mentality.
(FYI: I was in the military and I have seen first hand the
transformations that take place)
When you change your mindset all sorts of great things start
happening! This way, before you ever post a picture of yourself on
the Internet, you are gearing up to present your best self. The last
thing I want you to do is post pictures from three years ago that
look nothing like you, but we’re going to get into that later.
Right now, let’s focus on making you the best YOU that you can be!
Let’s instill an unwavering sense of self-confidence in you! Commit
right now to being the best. There is no time like the present!

Agree to get a makeover
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This is a guide for men and women.
Men, I have created a special section for you and women I have
created a special section for you. Skip to your section.
Ladies, Skip this Section and Go to Page 74
Fellas: Keep reading on the next page
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Men
Vicki’s Advice tip #1
Get a makeover
I know there are a lot of different types of men out there: Big burly
construction type men, business suit men, khaki and shorts wearing
men, Levi men, etc, etc. This section will cover all of you. You can
stick to your style; I don’t want you to change. I do want you to
expand your horizons and go out on a limb and take this advice.
You are trying to meet a woman. Most women like a polished up
guy. Trust me, I have asked them. They may still like a bad boy
underneath, but they want him crisp on the outside. Women like
shiny things and they like to show you off.
Some of you may have been single your whole lives and some of
you have probably been divorced or in at least one or two long-term
relationships. Do you want the same kind of woman? Or do you
want to attract an entirely different kind of woman to you? These
are some of the things you have to think about.
If you want the same old kind of woman you have always been
dating, then you know what that type of woman is probably
attracted to you. If so, keep doing more of the same but just
implement a few changes.
If you want to attract an entirely different kind of woman to you,
then you may need to get drastic. You are who you are on the
inside, and you can’t usually change that. (Unless you are a jerk.)
But, you can take these suggestions and run with them. See what
life can be like. Why not stroll down the street with some hot chick
on your arm? These tips will help you.
At any rate, all of these tips are going to help you package yourself
for your online profile. You are now a product and you need to be
“sellable” and “buyable.”
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Vicki’s Advice tip #2
Get a new haircut.
Go to a completely different barber. Try to go to a salon with a
fancy name. Do NOT go to the same person who has been cutting
your hair for the last 10 years. Don’t do it! Trust me please.
Now, I know some of you boys might already be doing this, but
there are a few of you out there that still go to Slash and Trim and
that’s what your hair ends up looking like. It is not true that all men
are metrosexuals. In fact, most are not.
“But why do I have to go to a salon with a fancy name?”
The difference is the quality of the stylists and the education they
received and the quality of the shears (scissors) they use.
A high line salon isn’t just going to hire anyone off of the street. In
fact, there are some stylists that ONLY cut men’s hair. They
specialize in it. Treat yourself just this once to a professional cut.
It may cost a little more but it’s going to be worth it!
I do NOT want you going to the same stylist who has been cutting
your hair for the last 10 years. He or she has been trained by you to
cut your hair in the same outdated style that you have been getting
for the past 15 years.
Ok, maybe you have updated your style a little since “Dream On”
was on the charts but we are going for a new look here! Don’t just
schedule an appointment with your old stylist. Don’t do it! Trust me
please. Remember we are getting you ready for your close up!
Look on the Internet, some stylists post their portfolios, also, you
can often find discounts and coupons. I know a few stylists who do
this to attract new clients. Ask a friend whose hair you admire who
does theirs.
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Please don’t tell me you already go to a high line salon. I know a lot
of men who go to Blundercuts. Even if you do go to a high-end
salon, go to another one! You can do it!
When you find the right salon ask the barber/stylist to give you a
style that compliments your face. We don’t always know what style
would look best on us and after cutting thousands of heads of hair,
a barber or stylist knows what cut will flatter you the most.
Also, talk with him or her a little about your personality. Ask
him/her to see you as a whole person and not just a head. Tell
him/her your goals: Find a new woman. (Or date, whatever) Tell him
to clean you up and give you some pizzazz!
Do not resist cutting your shoulder length, out of style hair. “But
wait.” I can hear you say. “I want them to like me for me, not for
some polished up pretty boy!” I understand Charlie, and that is
exactly why you are still single!
I know that hair is a reflection of your personality, but unless you
are Fabio, long hair on men is out! And that goes for mullets too!
Hillbillies are the only ones who can get away with mullets.
Remember, it will always grow back, so you are not parting ways
with something you can’t get back.
If you can’t part ways with it then get some highlights, yes stud
boys, highlights. Have the stylist bring out your natural good looks.
You’d be surprised what a few highlights on ANY man will do to his
looks. And you’re going to be happy with the results you are going
to be getting from the ladies too!
If you have a comb-over, it’s time to face facts. Those three wisps
of hair that are a foot long aren’t fooling anybody! This is about
being honest with you. If the hair doesn’t grow there anymoreaccept it as a natural stage of life. You are maturing. Cut it down
close to the head- bald is in! Remember, some women love the
fuzzy feeling of hair that is 1/4 inch long!
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Think of a beautiful woman running her hands all over your head,
stroking you! Imagine the soft touch of her fingers as she plays
with your hair. Maybe she’ll even caress your ears and then…who
knows!
ACTION STEP

Find new salon

Find new hairdresser

Clip some styles out of a magazine that you like
Salon’s Name
Salon’s Address
Hairstylist’s Name
Appointment Date
Appointment Time
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Vicki’s Advice tip #3
Get a clean shave.
See what that face used to look like! It will probably take years off
your age too! Yes boys, trim is in! I can hear you saying, “Vicki, I’m
a MAN. I am supposed to be hairy.” You can still be hairy; no one
said anything about shaving your chest. You can still look all big and
manly with a clean shave and a new haircut.
If you absolutely cannot part with your mustache or beard, then at
least make sure that they are neatly trimmed. I am not trying to
take your identity away. At least be aware that the walrus look
really did go out in the 70’s.
Sometimes a nice closely shaved beard adds character. It gives a
distinguished look. So unless you are a member of ZZ TOP, then it’s
time to get rid of that Venus food trap! (Yes, we all see the
scrambled eggs you had at breakfast)
While you’re at the hair salon, you might want to ask if they do the
old fashioned shave with the straight razor and the lathering brush.
The men I know who have had it LOVE it and when they can treat
themselves, they do.
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Vicki’s Advice tip #4
Update Your Wardrobe
Most men I know hate the idea of shopping. I think it is because
they agonize over old memories of their Mother’s, ex-wives or exgirlfriend’s spending hours on end going from one store to another
aimlessly.
Trust me, I know what you mean. I could never understand how my
Mother and other women had to look at and pick up every little
thing. I am more of a get in…find what you want and get out type
of shopper. I can’t even go shopping with some of the women I
know because it drives me crazy. I promise you I am not going to
make you shop for hours on end.
Here’s a tip: There are a few items that are classic and you
probably already have many of them in your wardrobe.
Get yourself a few pairs of slacks in different colors, a good pair of
jeans, one or two jackets and some interchangeable shirts. Buy
yourself at least two new pairs of shoes. One of the first thing
women look at on a man are his shoes- this is true. Don’t believe
me? Ask a female friend.
You don’t have to spend a lot of money on the shoes. There are
plenty of places that sell good shoes inexpensively. On the other
hand: if you can afford to go all out and get those beautiful hand
stitched Italian leather shoes then do it. You deserve to look your
best. Construction worker type men: polish your boots!
Here’s another tip: Find a female friend to go shopping with you.
Tell her you really want her help and that you are looking to shake
up your dating life. Ask her what she likes in a man- in his style of
clothing. See it from her point of view. She’ll be thrilled you asked
and will relish the opportunity to help you.
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Trust me. Women are caretakers; they want to help you look your
best. They will fawn all over you primping this and that. Most men
have no clue how women see them. They think as long as they have
clothes on that they look good…Even if those clothes are three
sizes too small and have stains on them. Trust me. They’re wrong.
The key here is to allow others to help you. Give up control just this
once. Put down the remote!
By now, you probably already have a certain way of dressing, your
own style. I am not asking you to change that, just to enhance it.
A few new items are not going to hurt. I recently read an article
aimed at men called something like “Dressing for Sex.” Yes…SEX,
not success. Those are two different looks.
Even though if you do dress for sex, you might have some success!
You don’t want to show up on your date looking like you are going
to dominate the boardroom and you also don’t want to look like you
are ready to weed the garden. So, please, follow along.
Get a Personal Shopper
The best recommendation I can give you is to find a personal
shopper. Many high line department stores have them and they
don’t know you so they can give you a fresh outlook. Not only that,
but you won’t be wasting precious hours at a store wondering what
the latest trend is or what will actually look good on you. Plus, they
are FREE.
So pull out the phone book and schedule an appointment now!
What you will need to know:
Your measurements!
You will need a tape measure- and not the kind that measures
floors, wood or walls. You need a flexible tape measure to measure
your body.
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If you don’t have a tape measure, you can just go right to the store
and they will measure you right there on the spot to find the
clothes that are going to fit you best. The last thing you want is to
buy new clothes that are too tight or too big. Getting your
measurements taken will ensure and accurate fit.
ACTION STEP
Here are the areas you are going to want to know:
Height
Weight
Waist
Hips
Chest
Inseam
Neck size
Sleeve length:
Right arm
Left arm
Shoe size
Having this list handy will help you greatly in selecting some new
clothes. This will also be in your workbook as a handy cut out to put
in your wallet.
Depending on your age, you are going to want to select a few
things differently. Younger men are going to want to look a little
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hipper and a little trendier. This is not to say that older men can’t
look with it, but they have a little more leeway with what they can
get away with.
Action Step:
 Call local department store and set appointment with personal
shopper.
Store:
Telephone number:
Personal Shopper’s name:
Appointment date:
Appointment time:
Address of the store:
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Some things to keep in mind:
• When you are wearing new clothes it is going to make you feel
good.
• You don’t have to spend a lot of money
• You can even shop for some things online now that you have
your size chart handy.
• I hope I don’t have to tell you to get some brand new
underwear.
Miscellaneous
•
Pluck your nose hair
•
Trim or shape your eyebrows
•
Trim your ear hair
•
Trim your chest hair
•
Trim your ball hair (*in porn they do it to make their
penises look bigger! All men have reported success to me
with this trick and their partner’s were much happier)
PLEASE!
Remember- this is about a new you attracting a new woman. Good
luck with this and HAVE FUN
Skip the next section on Women and go to page 84
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Women
I know that not all women were created equal. I am aware that
there are vivacious vixens, femme fatales, former midlife
housewives, plain Jane’s, environmental conscious go- greener’s,
farm girls, city girls, and every type in between. I know that each of
you has a different style and different standards. The information
below is relevant and will help all types of women. It’s about getting
a product ready for advertisement.
This is a marketing book so I don’t want you to be offended by
anything I say. It is meant to polish you up and get you in pristine
condition. Think about it like a garage sale. When a woman is
putting on a garage sale the first thing she does is take the stuff
out of the attic, dust it off and polish it up. Why should you think
of yourself differently?
You are definitely worth polishing up. So what if you’ve been
wearing the same hairstyle for years and are comfortable in your
overalls and flip-flops. That is not a marketable look. When you
look through the catalogs do you see anyone that looks like Granny
from the Beverly Hillbillies? No, you see women that looked like
they could be on the set of Sex in the City. Isn’t that what you
want? A little sex in some city somewhere in the world?
Yes it is other wise you wouldn’t be reading this. Just because
you’re outdated, doesn’t mean you are dead. I know that you want
people to like you for you and that you don’t believe there’s
anything wrong with the way you look and maybe there isn’t, but a
makeover never hurt anyone. Plus, it’s fun!
You will find the man you are looking for through your writing. He
will respond to what you say. But ladies, get real. This is the real
world and men are still hunters. They want a mate that still has a
little life in them. They want you to look good and they want to
show you off. So be that person that someone wants to show off!
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Vicki’s Advice tip #1
Get a Makeover
I can hear some of you right now jumping for joy! Yippee! Like you
need to be dragged down the hall to get a makeover! Ok, you may
be wondering what my agenda is. Some of you might not need it
and you probably already keep yourself in pretty pristine condition.
I want you to read this anyway and take the action steps.
The reason? Maybe it’s time for a new hairdo or look. Perhaps it’s
time for some new clothes in your wardrobe or a nice new pair of
shoes. Maybe it’s just time you changed your image. I know some
of you have had the same hairstyle for 12 years now. It’s time to
go out on a limb and try a new style.
I’m not going to try to change your core personality. On the outside
though…Take a look through a fashion magazine over the years,
times do change. I know a lot of women who think they are with it
when actually they are not. Someone needs to tell you.
Vicki’s Advice tip #2
Get a new hairstyle.
Pick a new hair salon. One with a fancy name.
But why do I have to go to a salon with a fancy name?
The difference is the quality of the stylists and the education they
received and the quality of the shears they use.
I do NOT want you going to the same stylist who has been cutting
your hair for the last 10 years. He or she has been trained by you to
cut your hair in the same outdated style that you have been
wearing for the past 15 years.
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Ok, maybe you have updated your style a little since the Farah
Fawcett or the Dorothy Hammil but we are going for a new look
here! So don’t just schedule an appointment with your stylist. Don’t
do it! Trust me please. Remember we are getting you ready for
your close up!
Look on the Internet, some stylists post their portfolios, also, you
can often find discounts and coupons. I know a few stylists who do
this to attract new clients. Ask a friend whose hair you admire who
does theirs.
Please don’t tell me you already go to a high line salon. I know a lot
of women who go to Blundercuts. Even if you do go to a high-end
salon, go to another one! You can do it!
Once you have found the salon:
Ask the new stylist to give you a style that compliments your face.
We don’t always know how we would look best and after cutting
thousands of heads of hair, a professional stylist knows what cut will
flatter you the most. Also, talk with him or her a little about your
personality.
Ask him/her to see you as a whole person and not just a head. Tell
him/her your goals: Find a new man. (Or a date, whatever) Tell
him/her to clean you up and give you some pizzazz! Zowweee! We
want you to look good sistah!
You might want to experiment with some highlights too. Now is not
the time to completely change your color- unless you are going
gray. In this day and age I have to say, there is really no reason to
have gray hair. (Unless you are one of the Golden Girls.)
My grandma, God rest her soul, had red hair until the day she went
up to meet her maker. In fact, not once did I ever see her with gray
hair. My Mother is following in her steps and let me tell you, my
Mother is better looking than most 30 year olds!
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Just this past week we went out and I can’t tell you the number of
men who hit on her! Go Ma! (Of course, she is married and didn’t
take anyone up on his offer but still…) I think people should always
look good, there’s simply no excuse not to.
I want you to look and feel your best! I know you will! Send me
some before and after pictures, I’d love to see them!
ACTION STEP

Find new salon

Find new hairdresser

Clip some styles out of a magazine that you like
Salon’s Name
Salon’s Address
Hairstylist’s Name
Appointment Date
Appointment Time
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Vicki’s Advice tip #3
UPDATE YOUR WARDROBE
I know most women like to shop so I am not going to go on and on
here. What I DO want you to do is mix up your style a bit. Most of
us have been dressing the same way in the same style for a long
time. Today is the day to break that pattern!
I can hear some of you vixens shrieking, “But Vicki, I set the
standard for fashion when I walk in the door!” Ok, maybe you do
and this advice isn’t aimed at you particularly, but unless you are
the next up and coming fashion designer than just get some new
duds please. Challenge yourself. There’s a sale going on
somewhere.
Should I Invite My Friends On a Shopping Spree?
Sometimes we want to bring our friends along, but I don’t always
recommend that. Your friend might really not give you an honest
answer about how you look in something. If you love it, she is
probably not going to try to talk you out of it- unless she is your
daughter.
Also, some friends get jealous. Yes they do…and they don’t always
want you looking your best.
A friend of mine told me she had been trying to get more in style
and bought some new trendy jeans. (She is in her 40’s) She told me
that when she went to an acquaintance’s house, one of the people
there made an unpleasant comment about her new jeans.
The woman’s comment was something to the effect of, “Who are
you trying to be?” My friend dismissed the comment and lo and
behold wouldn’t you know that their mutual friend reported back to
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her that the very next week, the woman who made the rude
comments was wearing almost the exact same jeans!
That is a case of pure jealousy!
Anyway, I know you wouldn’t have any mean spirited friends, but
just in case…
Vicki’s Advice tip #4
GET A FRESH PERSPECIVE
The best recommendation I can give you is to find a Personal
Shopper. Many high line department stores have them and they
don’t know you so they can give you an unbiased opinion. Plus,
they are FREE. The shopper is only going to help you select things
they know will look good on you.
Most personal shoppers have a degree in fashion and are getting
their start in the industry and some have been doing it for years.
Not only that, but you won’t be wasting precious hours at a store
wondering what the latest trend is or what will actually look good on
you.
The key here is to see you as others see you. Give up control just
this once. So pull out the phone book and schedule an appointment
now!
What you will need to know: Your measurements!
You will need a tape measure. Don’t be shy pull one out! You don’t
have to tell anyone other than your personal shopper your
measurements. If you don’t have a tape measure, you can just go
right to the store and they will measure you right there on the spot
to find the clothes that are going to fit you best.
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ACTION STEP

Take your measurements
Here are the areas you are going to want to know:
Height
Weight
Waist
Hips
Chest
Inseam
Neck size
Sleeve length:
Right arm
Left arm
Shoe size
Having this list handy will help you greatly in selecting some new
clothes. This will also be in your workbook and your action checklist
as a handy cut out to put in your purse. The last thing you want is
to buy new clothes that are too tight or too big. Getting your
measurements taken will ensure an accurate fit.
What Kind of Clothes Should I Get?
By now, you probably already have a certain way of dressing, your
own style. I am not asking you to change that, just to enhance it.
A few new items are not going to hurt.
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Depending on your age, you are going to want to select a few
things differently. This is where your personal shopper is going to
help you.
• Get yourself a few pairs of slacks in different colors, one or
two dresses and some interchangeable tops, maybe some that
show off your cleavage.
• Dress in fabrics that feel great against your skin.
• Fabrics like cashmere, satin and suede are really going to feel
fantastic on you and make you feel sexy and alive!
• Get one or two really sharp pieces of clothing- maybe a hot
red leather jacket (my favorite) or a great pair of jeans or
even a really nice overcoat. Just make sure you pick
something that STANDS OUT.
Maybe you’re on the conservative side. Take a little risk. You can
do it! I know you can. I know inside of you is a secret tiger waiting
to get out. It’s in all women. It’s our nature.
I have a friend that LOVES belts. She always insists that the right
belt will pull off ANY outfit. So why not give it a try?
Shoes, Shoes, Oh Yes, Shoes!
Buy yourself at least two new pairs of shoes. Not athletic shoes
either but I don’t have to tell you that. Something sexy yet
functional to complete your outfit and that is interchangeable with
other outfits. One of the first things men look at on women is their
shoes. Don’t believe me? Ask a man.
You don’t have to spend a lot of money on the shoes. There are
plenty of places that sell good shoes inexpensively. On the other
hand: if you can afford to- go all out and get those beautiful
designer heels or sandals then do it. You deserve to look your best.
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Vicki’s Advice tip #5
GET A NEW BRA
My number one piece of advice for ladies- Get Fitted For a BRA!
Yes, please, I know from experience. For years I was wearing the
wrong bras. Then one day I saw me in some videos and was like“Uh, excuse me, why didn’t anyone tell me my boobs were taking a
vacation on the arm of the chair?” Needless to say, I went out the
next day and went to the lingerie department of a highline
department store and got personal assistance from a woman who
specialized in large breasted women like me.
To this day people ask me if I have lost weight. It really does make
a difference, and my breasts feel better at the end of the day too!
Don’t skimp on this! Just do it! While you’re at it get some sexy
lingerie. What man doesn’t like to peel a woman’s clothes off to
find some hot lingerie underneath? There’s nothing like being
prepared. Plus, it will make you feel sexy and attractive.
Remember- this is about a new you attracting a new man. Good
luck with this and HAVE FUN!
Action Step:
Call local department store and set appointment with personal
shopper.
Store:
Telephone number:
Personal Shopper’s name:
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Appointment date:
Appointment time:
Address of the store:
Some things to keep in mind:
• When you are wearing new clothes it is going to make you feel
good.
• You don’t have to spend a lot of money
• You can even shop for some things online now that you have
your size chart handy.
Miscellaneous
• Trim or shape your eyebrows
• Pluck your nose hair
• Wax your mustache
• Trim your bush PLEASE
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Finding the Right Stylist
“But why do I have to go to a salon with a fancy name”?
I have a friend, Rob, who is an excellent stylist. His clients have
included: Bill Weddington formerly of the Chicago Bulls, several
newscasters, and highline local celebrities. He has done the Spring
Fashion show for Yves Saint Laurent, and Marshall Field’s
Glamorama- the hottest fashion in Chicago. (Now put on by Macy’s)
He went to Pivot Point cosmetology school, which is one of the best
in the world, for 10 months at 40 hours a week. Then he had to
apprentice for a year and a half at a high line salon.
He watched the experienced trained hairstylists at the salon cut,
style, perm, relax and color client’s hair as well as watching them
perform Updo’s. (This is when a woman usually gets a French Twist
or something like that which you will usually see the actresses at
the Academy Awards sporting.)
He had classes at the salon with artistic directors from Vidal
Sassoon for 7 hours each day learning the cutting program and then
a coloring program and then had to demonstrate that he could do
them by cutting 4 hair models a day and got graded on them until it
was done right to the salon standards.
When he had mastered each style he would get more hair models
and have to put on a hair show for his final presentation and finally
became a stylist. It took him a year and a half and that was AFTER
he had completed the 10-month hair school.
WHY am I telling you all of this?
Because the basic graduate out community college beauty school
isn’t going to have that kind of expertise. I am not saying there is
anything wrong with them at all. What I AM saying is that a high line
salon isn’t going to hire someone who doesn’t have that kind of
education.
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So just please- go to a fancy salon- get your hair cut and styled ask
them what they recommend based on the shape of your face AND
your personality. Look through their portfolios or the magazines
they have and choose a style- one that is going to make you look
even more attractive than you already are!
Vicki’s Final Advice Tip
CLEAN OUT YOUR CLOSET
Look over your closet- organize it to see what you have in there.
Clothes really do say a lot about the person who wears them. If you
are trying to turn a new leaf in your life, clothes are the easiest way
to shed some baggage.
There are many organizations that need clothes and welcome your
donations. They will even come to your house to pick them up.
Look into it. Not only will you be getting rid of stuff you don’t need
anymore but also you will feel good about yourself and the ability to
help someone else.
I may not have to tell you this but just in case:
• A good rule is- if you haven’t worn it in two years donate it.
• If it has holes in it- get rid of it
• If it doesn’t fit anymore- donate it
• If it is from the last decade- time to part ways with it
• Get rid of worn out socks and underwear
• Get rid of anything with underarm stains
• Get rid of anything that has discolored due to sweat
• If it has shrunk, get rid of it
• If you wore it in high school- time to let it go
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• If it has a moth nest in it- throw it out!
Remember- this is about a new you attracting a new mate. Get rid
of the things in your life that don’t serve you anymore. Good luck
with this and HAVE FUN
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Chapter 8
Take a Look at Your Actions
I have a few questions to ask you. Did you get the makeover? Did
you update your wardrobe? Did you get the haircut?
If you did, that is wonderful! You understand packaging and image!
That’s what this is about after all! This is a marketing guide…a
marketing guide for you to attract people to you! I want you to
look and feel the best you can. How do you feel right now? I bet
you feel great.
If you did take the steps I asked you to take, I am very proud of
you. You are leaving your old outdated packaging behind. You are
embracing a new, updated, shinier version of you! A version we can
market!
You really didn’t have to fix up much, just a few minor things. I
never asked you to change what is at the core of you: your
personality. I don’t want you to change that!
If You Didn’t Get the Makeover…
Now if you didn’t get the makeover or complete the steps in the
last chapter, why didn’t you? Honestly, ask yourself why you didn’t
participate in something as fresh and exciting as a makeover? If
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you can’t participate in making yourself look and feel better, how do
you expect to participate in life? In a relationship? In DATING?
There’s a statement about life that goes: “How you do anything is
how you do everything.”
Listen, I want you to succeed! I want you to find true love. If you
can’t follow the simple instructions here about jazzing up your
image, how can I trust that you will follow the rest of the directions
in this guide?
So, if you didn’t get a makeover, you need to look at that and ask
yourself what was holding you back?
• Was it fear?
• Was it that you were just being lazy?
• Was it that you thought you might look foolish to others?
• Or was it because you didn’t think you needed one?
Please take a look at your reasons for resisting change.
Let me ask you a question. Did you ever see a baby go up to
something shiny and attractive? Did you ever see them touch it
and pick it up? They were drawn to it almost like a magnet. Human
beings LIKE nice looking things! They will usually CRY when they see
something scary. This is the human beings natural expression, like it
or not.
If you think you can’t look better or feel better about yourself
you’re wrong! Of course you can improve your appearance!
Chances are you didn’t want to go through the work of making it
happen.
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This is the exact same thing holding you back from anything that
you want in your life. Your lack of participation is because of a selfimposed judgment! I have a program that deals exactly with that
called the Confidence Factor that helps people overcome what is
stopping them in life.
All you have to do is break through that fear! I wasn’t kidding when I
told you that stuff about the military. It is psychologically effective.
If it weren’t, they wouldn’t do it. Simply seeing yourself with a new
image can truly change your perception of yourself. When you go
out and look great you will feel great. When you feel great people
are attracted to your energy.
Remember: Who do YOU need to become in order to be who
you want to be? You need to become someone that
others want to date!
Please Rethink Your Lack of Action
If you did not take the steps in the previous chapter go back now
and do it. You will really feel much better. It will also give you a
new positive mindset from which you will be writing your profile. If
you can only take one of the steps, I suggest you get the haircut,
and don’t go cheapo on me.
I know someone who is perpetually single. She has put ads online,
she has joined networking groups and is actually quite social. She
often wonders why no one dates her. Now I am not going to say it
is solely because of her bad haircut, but I will say that the types of
people she is attracted to are not attracted to her. She is “out of
her league” so to speak.
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People tend to like representations of themselves either internally or
externally. Well, she is neither. She is neither extremely attractive
nor extremely successful.
I’ve been telling her for years to change her wardrobe, choose a new
style and polish her image but it is like she is stuck in a time warp.
She consistently dresses in clothing that was stylish about ten years
ago.
Furthermore, she came from a state in the Midwest. She now lives
in LA. She refuses to dress like the people in LA dress. She is still
wearing turtlenecks and sweater vests, which are definitely not in
style in LA!
I’m not harping on the Midwest. I am from Chicago. I used to wear
sweaters with fuzzy Santa Clauses on them around the holidays
years ago. That’s what people were wearing back then. But would
you catch me dead in that today? Hell no!
Depending on what region you live in, the style is going to be
different. You definitely don’t want to stick out like a sore thumb. I
want you to be comfortable, but I also want you to be fashionable.
To Continue:
Getting back to my friend: For years, I have suggested for her to
get a new stylist, I have even suggested my own hairstylist. Every
time her answer is the same: “I won’t spend that kind of money on
a hair cut!” You know what, it looks like she doesn’t spend any
money on a haircut! She will drive 40 minutes out of her way to
save a few bucks. I’ve got news for you; less expensive haircuts
look less expensive on your head! Her hair looks like crap! It is
outdated and a bad style to boot.
I have seen a lot of people with crappy haircuts. It’s so simple to
fix! If you think about it, your hair really makes a statement about
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you. It is part of your “image.” It’s also one of the first things
people notice about you. It’s sitting on top of your head!
If you are a woman:
If you got three haircuts a year at $130 each, (including highlights)
that is a haircut once every four and a half months for a total of
$390 a year! (Not including the tip) That is only $1.07 per day that
you are spending on your hair! Give up your morning coffee and put
the money towards your image! In fact, some of you are spending
three times as much on caffeine than on your personal appearance!
Even if you got four haircuts a year, that is only $520 a year and
$1.42 a day! Start breaking it down! When you look at it like that,
it is kind of silly to cheap out on something you are going to be
“wearing” every single day of your life!
Guys, I know you need more frequent haircuts, but they are also a
lot cheaper. Please, stay away from Slash and Chop.
If you are unwilling to take this advice long term, then please, just
this ONCE in your life, go to the professional hair salon. You need a
great cut before you take your picture for your profile. After you
go to the salon, you never have to go back again and you can go
back to your old ways.
Remember at the beginning of the book when you committed to
doing whatever it takes to getting a date? Did you remember
signing that statement? Well, that includes these directions.
So get busy making that hair appointment!
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Chapter 9
Your Online Dating Photo
The photo you put on your profile is the main part of your
packaging. It must be eye-catching, communicate some of your
attributes, promote your image and be appropriate for your ideal
date.
This, in my opinion, is the most important part of your profile. No, I
am not vain. I am realistic. If you think people like you for what you
say in your profile, you are kidding yourself. This is the real world
like everywhere else in the world and people want to see what you
look like. They are either attracted to you or they aren’t.
In fact, many people don’t even do searches for people that don’t
have photos. I don’t. How can you know that the person you are
communicating with online isn’t a man pretending to be a woman or
whatever? Yes, it does happen. In addition to that, let’s be honest.
Most of us have to have some kind of physical chemistry with
another in order to be intimate.
In some instances a man will put up a picture of a woman and start
talking to other women. I am not going to lie to you. That is why
you are going to want to have multiple pictures of yourself on your
profile and you are only going to communicate with people who
have multiple pictures of themselves on their profile. Sometimes
people who are posers can find one picture of the fake woman they
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are claiming to be but they usually can’t find 5 or 6 or the same
woman.
What Does Your Online Photo Say About You?
A lot. Your photo is the first thing people are going to see when
they are browsing the hundreds of pictures on the dating site. This
is the first chance they are going to have to get an image of you.
They will either be interested in you or they won’t.
People are attracted to different types of people. Some like blonds,
some like brunettes, some like tall people, some like short people.
Some like thin people, some like overweight people. Your picture is
going to communicate that instantly.
For instance: I am in my mid- thirties, have blond hair, green eyes
and am overweight. My picture is going to SHOW you that.
You can tell people all you want what you look like but until they see
you, they can never know. What kind of image did you get of me
just now? Did I have long hair or short hair in your image? Was I
extremely obese or slightly overweight? Did I have platinum blond
hair, light blond hair, dirty blond hair or strawberry blond hair? Did I
have highlights? Was my hair curly or straight? Did I have a big
nose or a little nose? Do you get what I am saying here? You could
have come up with hundreds of different images of me in your mind
but none of them would be me.
I have had some people say to me that they can’t put their photo
online. I ask them why and they say that they don’t want anyone to
know who they are- well that’s just it folks, they are going to remain
unknown because hardly anyone is going to find them or their
profile amidst the millions of profiles out there.
I’ll tell you what. They say a picture says a thousand words and they
are right. Your goal is to get people to click on you. So put one up!
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Having a Photo Increases Your Chance of Being
Seen
I know you are nervous about exposing yourself, but it really is the
chance that you must take to find the love you are looking for.
Having a photo on your profile increases your chances of being seen
so you MUST do it. But…it must be the right kind of picture. It can’t
be any old picture that you have in your photo album. You have to
think seriously about how you are going to represent yourself to the
rest of the world.
Some of My Pet Peeves About Online Photos:
Pet Peeve #1
Outdated Photos
I know some of the people online went to their photo collection and
uploaded pictures of themselves from 5 and even 10 years ago! I
can tell by their hairstyle and the clothes they have on. They look
way out of date! They think that they looked their best at that
time in their life and they had to find the best picture of them ever
taken even if it was taken in the 1990’s. This is not the way to go
plus it’s extremely deceptive.
Recently I had a client who had a picture of herself from 3 years ago
on her profile. She had changed dramatically since then. She was
misrepresenting herself and worse than that, when she was meeting
people they were like- “Hey you aren’t the woman I saw in the
photos!”
I also know a guy who put a picture of himself online from a few
years ago. In the photo, he had a full head of hair. Guess what? He
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is almost totally bald now! I know you might miss your hair, but if
your hair is missing, then it’s time for a new photo!
One of my clients put a picture of herself online that didn’t resemble
her at all- she was about 400 pounds in real life and the picture
online was her at about 200 pounds! You CAN’T do that! That’s
false advertising. Keep in mind that there are some people out
there who like 400-pound people, so just be yourself! You want
people to like you for who you are now, not who you were several
years or several pounds ago.
Pet Peeve #2
Wearing Sunglasses in the Photo
I have seen profiles where the main picture some people post is a
picture of them with sunglasses on. Unless you are actually blind do
not put a picture of yourself as your main profile photo with your
sunglasses on! This is the dumbest thing I have ever seen!
How do you know what that person looks like? What if they don’t
have any eyes, or they are missing an eye or they have big ugly
eyes or their eyes are like aliens on the side of their head? How
would you know? You wouldn’t! And no one else will either so
don’t do it. You’re not that cool.
Pet Peeve #3
Having Someone Else in the Picture and They are Cut
Out
You know what I am talking about. There you are with your arm
around someone and then the picture is cut in half.
This looks SOOO bad.
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First of all, People are going to be wondering-who is that other
person cut out of the picture? Is it your ex? Is it your friend? Is it
your Mother or Father? Your Daughter or Son? Maybe it is your
current spouse or beau.
If they are interested in you it will drive them crazy and they will
evaluate it. If and when they meet you, the first thing they are
going to want to know is, “who is that person with you?” So
whatever you do AVOID doing this! It just looks bad and tacky too!
Not only that but you are taking the attention off of yourself. A
good rule in advertising is: Keep the focus on the product.
You don’t see McDonalds with a Burger King wrapper in their ad do
you? You don’t see Coke promoting Pepsi or Target promoting WalMart. The only time you will see an advertiser with a competing
brand in their ad is when they are trashing them!
So, keep the spotlight on YOU. Don’t make people wonder who that
other person is in the photo. You’re the one who should stand out!
Pet Peeve #4
Cluttery Photos
What exactly is all that stuff in the background? Where are you?
Why is your house such a mess? Oh my God, do you live there? I
am never coming over if that is where you live! Your place gives me
the creeps! Look how dirty everything is. How long has it been
since you dusted or cleaned? Boy, you sure are a pig.
Hmmm...All that from a photo.
Yep! Pictures don’t lie. Do you really want someone thinking all
those things about you before they meet you? Whoa! You don’t
think you are going to meet them do you? You sure are optimistic!
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You’re NEVER going to meet them because they are NEVER going to
contact you!
Pet Peeve #5
Bad Lighting
Hello! Are you in that photo somewhere? Why does your face look
orange? Or is it green? I can’t tell because I can barely see you! It
sure is dark, where are you? I can’t tell what color your hair is, what
color your eyes are or if you are even black or white. Click. I just
went on to the next person.
Make sure the picture you take has plenty of light so whoever is
looking at it can actually SEE you.
Pet Peeve #6
NOT SMILING
Why aren’t you smiling? Are you a jerk? Are you a serial killer? Are
you an evil bitch? Or is that your prison mug shot? Maybe you are
mad or depressed all the time. I don’t want to be with someone
who isn’t any fun. I don’t want to be with someone who is going to
get upset about every little thing. What a drag you probably are.
You probably make everyone around you miserable.
But wait- Maybe you are missing some or all of your teeth. Maybe
your teeth are rotten and black and ready to fall out. Yuck! You are
grossing me out. Click. I am on to the next person.
Yes, people are thinking all these things when they are going
through the photos online. They are looking for a future mate, a
possible husband or wife and forming opinions in their mind of what
you might be like. They are getting those impressions all from your
picture!
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Pet Peeve #7
A Tiny Blip On The Landscape
Hello! Are you in the picture somewhere? What the heck do you
look like? Are you a male or a female? You’re so far away I can’t
tell. I have no idea what you look like because I can’t see you. I can
see the Grand Canyon just fine! Did you fall down there and
someone came in and rescued you? Maybe you’re so ugly you don’t
want anyone to see your face. You just want people to think you
are adventurous. Click. On to the next person.
People often post pictures of themselves doing things on vacation
somewhere far far away. They might think it looks cool, but
because the viewer has no idea of who they are looking at, chances
are they are just going to zip right past the profile. Putting up
adventurous pictures in your profile is fine, as long as you don’t use
them as your main profile picture! Remember, you only get a few
seconds before someone is looking at the next person’s photo. You
need to stand out!
Why Do I Have To Take New Pictures?
This eBook is all about selling you to other people. You need to look
your very best. This is a strategic marketing plan. You can’t just
upload a random picture of yourself.
I am sure there are great pictures of you, and that is wonderful!
The problem is, most people have great pictures of themselves from
many different years. You need all of your pictures to look like you
now! The way you look today.
If a great picture of you was taken in the last few months that is
one thing, but most great pictures may have been taken at your
family reunion 3 years ago, or your company picnic last year or your
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high school reunion two years ago. These don’t reflect who you
currently are today.
When people post photos of themselves that are out of date, they
are deceiving people. Also, what you might think is a great picture
might not be. So I have a plan for you. You are going to get
professional photos taken!
I am going to discuss this in the next section: All about
photography!
All About Photography
Photography Session
In this section I am going to discuss:
•
How to find a photographer
•
Determine to go budget or all out
•
What to discuss with the photographer
•
What types of photos you want
•
Definitions of framing
•
How to prepare for your photography session
•
What to do the night before and the day of the shoot
•
Professional Hair and Makeup
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How to Find a Photographer
In major cities like LA, NY and Chicago photographers are
everywhere. In LA, there are hundreds if not thousands of them.
Most photographers have package deals that offer hairstyling and
makeup services. If they offer these services and you can afford it
GET them. They often work with the same people over and over
with great results.
If you are on a budget, you can do the hair and makeup yourself,
and if you do, I recommend going to the photographer immediately
after you are finished with your new hairstyle. So that being said,
you need to book your hair appointment early enough in the day
(morning if possible) to get a photography session in with a
photographer later in the day.
If you go to http://www.getadatetodayonline.com I actually post a
GREAT photography company that does headshots really cheap!
Check it out. This is the best recommendation I can give you. They
are called Look Better Online. You can just click on the link off the
site, type in your city and voila! You will soon be getting great,
affordable headshots.
Photo Session: Budget or All Out
There are a few different ways to do this.
1.
2.
I am on a budget
Money is no object
It doesn’t matter to me which way to go but remember- this is what
is on the front page of your “Ad”. This is your “attention grabber.”
You want to look your best. I don’t want you out on the back porch
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with Uncle Harry taking pictures with the throw away camera you
got on vacation last year. (Unless Uncle Harry is a professional
photographer and he is using his professional camera)
The number one thing that is going to capture the attention of an
online suitor is YOUR HEADSHOT. (Will discuss in a moment what a
headshot is).
Budget Photo Session
First I am going to talk about being on a budget. I understand that
these are tight times and that you need to pinch a few pennies here
and there, but remember, this isn’t something you are going to be
doing everyday. In fact, this may be the only time in your life that
you are getting professional shots taken.
If you just pick up any old camera and take a picture with it, there
are some things to watch out for. Most people have a roll of film in
their camera if they are using 35mm. Chances are, that film is OLD
and OUTDATED. In case you didn’t know: film expires.
Your pictures can come out foggy, faded, washed out and
sometimes not at all. So don’t go and get all dolled up and shoot
some pictures only to take them to the film processing counter at
your local drug store to find out they come out TERRIBLE.
If you are on a budget here’s what I suggest:
Go to http://www.getadatetodayonline.com and click on Look
Better Online
Or
Go to a portrait studio or national chain portrait studio.
Here’s a list of studios in alphabetical order:
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I in no way endorse any of these studios
JC Penney Portrait Studio
•
•
Offers coupons online so check website for offers
Packages START at $7.99
Olan Mills Portrait Studio
Located inside Kmart, Value City and Geoffrey's retail locations as
well as in some department stores including Belk, Macy's and Meijer
Stores. Olan Mills also has freestanding studio locations in select
areas nationwide
• Prices vary depending on the geographic area you live in but
they don’t charge a sitting fee. Just give them a call
• They offer online discounts so check online
Picture me Portrait Studio
Located in Wal-Mart
•
•
Packages start at $7.99
Check their website for offers
Sadie’s Portrait Studio
Located in select stores in Utah, NY, IL, FL, MN, MI, MA, and OH
Sitting fee starts at $9.99
Sears Portrait Studio
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• They give special offers and discounts so be sure to check
their website.
• Last time I checked gives a 20% discount to military
• Packages START at $14.99- $9.99 if you are a member
Target Portrait Studio


Packages start at $7.99
They have coupons online so check their website
I in no way endorse any of these studios
This is not an all-inclusive list, these are just the nationwide or
multiple state portrait studio places I found on the Internet. Just
type in your geographic location and “Portrait Studio” and see what
comes up. A lot of times a local place is a lot cheaper.
You can also type in “headshot photographer” and your geographic
location and see what they charge.
Remember, your best, most reliable bet is to click on the link from
my websitehttp://www.getadatetodayonline.com and click Look
Better Online. The photography service covers 6,000 cities and I
have seen their work and endorse them.
They specialize in Online Dating Photos!
What I Want You To Be Aware Of
These are just STARTING prices. They could go up to the hundreds
of dollars so… Know before you Go! A “sitting fee” is just what
they charge you to sit down.
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Most of the time the average price is around $200. The last thing I
want you thinking is that you can shoot 200-300 pictures for
$7.00. That probably won’t happen.
Photography Session-All Out
Now, you may very well want to have your day in the limelight.
That is entirely up to you. Since your session with the photographer
can be used to take any type of photo, you may want to get several
different looks. This can add up.
If you are up for it, what you need to do is make sure that you get a
hair and makeup package. This will cost extra but it is definitely
worth it. You want to look your best. Who knows, this could be
your big shot at finding true love and you want to reach as many
people as possible.
A photography session can get costly. The last time I updated my
headshots it cost me $650 for the session. That included hair and
makeup and when you consider I got 6 different looks, that wasn’t
bad. Keep in mind I did that for the entertainment industry. It was
a specific thing that my agent requested. I have had my headshots
done for $350 and once from a friend who was a professional
photographer for $150.
I am not advocating you spend $650, but what you should know is
that it can cost that much and that sometimes it goes into the
thousands. I recommend sticking around $300 if you are going to
go all out. If someone wants to charge you over $500 they are
probably gauging you. Go somewhere else.
The site I told you about earlier, which you can just click from my
website, http://www.getadatetodayonline.com is also a good bet
for going all out and I believe they stay under $300. It’s your day
sugar! Live it up!
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What To Discuss With the Photographer
Price
Never go to a photographer without knowing how much he or she
charges. Some are way out of line in their pricing, so do some
shopping around. Ask for referrals from friends who have had
professional headshots taken.
Ask if they have different packages.
By “package” I don’t mean 8x10, 5x7, etc. You do NOT need any
other size photo except the traditional size. By package, I mean:
how many “looks” do you get? A look is just that, a different look.
It is a clothing or hairstyle change.
Do you get to KEEP the digital prints, negatives or the film
stock?
This is important. You might have to pay an additional fee for this
but remember: they make money off of the actual photos printed so
they might not let you keep the originals. You can still send a hard
copy picture to a dating website, but it is much easier to upload a
digital copy.
If you can’t get the original digitals or negatives, then choose the
ones you like the best and order one of them. The dating website
will scan in your photo and digitize it. If you know how to do this,
you can do it yourself.
How far in advance do you need to book your photo session?
Some photographers are booked up weeks in advance. Try to find
one with a flexible schedule. The last thing you want to do is go get
your haircut and then wait months before you get your photos
taken. If that happens, get a trim. It is good to know the
photographers schedule. You want to be online ASAP!
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Do they shoot on location?
They just might come to you and you can have some photos shot in
your own house. It may cost a bit more, but it might be worth it
and not look so “posey.” Plus, you will feel more natural in your
own environment and might not be so nervous.
What time of day do they recommend for your photo
session?
Some photographers like to shoot outdoors as well as indoors. The
natural light brings out a certain je ne sais quoi- a certain something
you can’t capture with incandescent lighting.
The Types of Photos You Want
Headshot
Headshots let the viewer get up close and personal with you. They
convey a sort of intimacy. This is why the headshot is the best kind
of shot to use. The goal of a headshot is to seize a viewer’s
attention and draw them in.
In the acting/comedic world a headshot must instantly convey your
personality and character. For your purposes, you may also want it
to convey a little personality but I don’t want you to go crazy
getting character shots. I want it to convey your uniqueness.
If your photographer doesn’t know what a headshot is that is not a
good sign- but don’t fret- a headshot is just that- a shot of your
HEAD, nothing else. It usually goes a little past your neck or about
the top of your chest. You do not want a body shot for your main
profile picture. Remember, you want people to see your face: Your
eyes, your lips, your cheekbones, and your jaw line. Put it out there
baby!
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You want to get some candid shots with the other clothes you will
be bringing with. They can be serious or fun- that’s up to you and
your photographer.
You do not want any candid shots of you with a backdrop from a
portrait studio- so make sure they have an outdoor setting they can
put you in beforehand. Otherwise you will have to stage it. (Set it
up like a scene) Try to go outdoors for this type of shot. Maybe it
is you on your motorcycle, or you swinging your golf club or
shooting a basketball.
Definitions of Framing
Headshot- Head and neck sometimes called a Close -up
¼ shot-Just under your breast line- Medium Close up
½ shot- shot from your waist up- Mid shot
¾ shot- shot usually by your knees and up
Full body shot- Your full body is in the frame.
Candid shot- shots of you not looking directly at the camera- you
are doing something, walking, sitting, reading, whatever- you are
not “posing” (Even though for our purposes you will be candidly
posed) These are action shots.
How To Prepare for your Photography Session
1.
Choose 5 outfits to wear.
2.
Try them all on
3.
Make sure they are clean and pressed
4.
Pick shoes to go with the outfits
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5.
Buff and clean your shoes
I am not requiring you to go out and buy new outfits that change
your style. It wouldn’t hurt if you chose some of the new clothes
you just bought for your makeover session. Pretend you are having
a fashion shoot! It will be a lot of fun, and your happiness will come
through.
Choose something that compliments you and brings out your
personality. Look through fashion magazines. Men, there are plenty
of hot looking guys wearing T-shirts and jeans. Just look at any
Calvin Klein model.
Go for the James Dean look if you must, but remember-his T-shirts
were ULTRA white and always looked brand new, so if you have to
go out and buy yourself some BRAND NEW T-shirts if that is your
style. I actually like his sweater series if you want to take a look at
http://www.jamesdean.com for inspiration. He looks hot!
Ladies, you are not going to a funeral so wear some COLOR. What
brings out your eyes? What makes you FEEL good? What
compliments your attributes? Do you have nice breasts? Show off
some cleavage!
Stay away from bold stripes, mosaics and loud patterns. They are
distracting. You want people to look at YOU not your clothes.
Solids are always a good choice. Stay away from white.
The Night Before the Shoot:
• Don’t go out partying. Save the martinis for after your
session. Yes, you heard me correctly. This means don’t drink
ANY alcohol.
• Stay away from caffeine.
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• Go get a manicure- Men too! The last thing you want is
scraggily looking dirty nails in your shot.
• Get a good nights rest
• Stay away from people who make you angry or emotional.
Stress affects the way we look and ruins our skin.
• If you smoke, keep it to a minimum. Cigarettes dehydrate
your skin.
• Don’t go out to a tearjerker movie or watch old reruns of
Lassie that are going to make you cry. In fact, if you are
going out, go to a comedy so you will be laughing. Laughter
increases the blood flow to your face and makes you look
better. Crying makes you look like crap, and you won’t look
better the next day.
• Choose your outfits and lay them out
• Clean your shoes
• Choose some of your favorite music to listen to
• Get all the pet hair off of your clothes if you have pets
• Make sure you pick out a nice shirt that is not wrinkled or has
underarm stains
• Ladies- Wear your most supportive bras. In fact tighten them
up. I can’t stress how much floppy breasts show up badly on
camera.
The Morning of the Shoot:
• Eat a good nutritious breakfast. Oatmeal and fruit is good.
You don’t want to get heartburn or an upset stomach at your
shoot. THAT is not going to make your pictures turn out
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pretty because your face will show the discomfort. Save the
sausages and home fries for tomorrow.
• Recheck your clothes for pet hair
• Place everything neatly in your car
• Bring makeup and curling iron or flat iron if you are a woman
• Don’t put your makeup on at home. Put it on right before you
start taking pictures. You always look your best on first
application, not touch ups. So bring your makeup bag. Give
yourself time to put it on too!
• Bring extra deodorant and some fresh mouth strips
• Bring WATER
• Bring a snack in case you go long
• FYI- a typical photo shoot with a photographer in LA is
between 3-6 hours. Some photographers can shoot your
session in less than 2 hours.
On the Way to the Shoot:
• Give yourself plenty of time to get there. The last thing you
need is you showing up all haggard because you got a ticket
on the way in. Don’t stress yourself out!
• Try not to have any phone conversations because you never
know when Aunt Betty will call to tell you some devastating
news that will ruin your day. You want to be upbeat and
cheery when you walk in.
• Keep the windows in your car rolled up and turn on the Air
Conditioning. You want to keep your hair nice and crisp.
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(Unless it is the middle of the winter and you need heat to
survive)
• Turn up the RADIO or your CD player
• Listen to your favorite music
• Sing along with the lyrics
• Feel really good about yourself - you are awesome and you
deserve to have some great looking pictures of you.
• Have your wardrobe laid out in the trunk of your car so it
doesn’t get wrinkled- remember DO NOT wear it to the shoot.
You can change when you get there. You aren’t taking any
chances with your clothes looking all wrinkly.
• Drink some bottled water.
If you made a hair appointment to get it styled, leave earlier.
At the Shoot:
• Bring some of your favorite music and ask if you can play it
during the session.
• Talk with your photographer beforehand and let him or her
know that you need a few different headshots and also some
candid shots. This is where your wardrobe changes come in.
• Concentrate on getting some really flattering headshots.
Remember: If your photographer doesn’t know what a
headshot is it is a shot of your HEAD, nothing else. It usually
goes a little past your neck or about the top of your chest.
You do not want a body shot unless you are shooting the
candid shots.
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•
In a headshot, the eyes are the windows of the soul so make
sure you are looking directly into the lens of the camera. Your
eyes draw a viewer in and make them want to know more
about you. Pretend you are looking into your future lovers
eyes.
• NEVER EVER wear sunglasses in a headshot. Like I said earlier,
your potential date has got to see your eyes. With
sunglasses, you come across as you are hiding somethingmainly your looks. If you don’t want people to think you are
ugly than don’t wear sunglasses. Forget it. Just don’t wear
them PERIOD.
Professional Hair and Makeup
Ladies: If possible, go to a photographer who uses a hair and
makeup artist. Common fees are $50- $200 for the day.
Have the artist do your hair and makeup right before the shoot.
Men, camera lighting is sometimes harsh, having a little color applied
isn’t going to hurt. You can apply some yourself or ask for help
from the photographer. You don’t really think that all those
pictures of men you see in a magazine are raw do you?
All males get makeup applied when doing professional shoots. I’m
not saying to apply lipstick and rouge, but a little makeup concealor
here and there will really hide your blemishes. If you don’t want to
do it, then don’t. It’s up to you. I want you to be comfortable.
About your hair: If the photographer does not have his or her
own artist, ask the stylist who just gave you your new hairstyle how
much they charge for just “styling” your hair. It is relatively
inexpensive and they will make your hair look great! Go to the
stylist hours before your scheduled shoot and get it styled.
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Remember, this is your ad. You are doing this to capture the most
favorable, flattering image of you that you can get. Your headshot
is the main part of your packaging. You are trying to entice the
people browsing the dating site to click on your profile. You want
to draw them in. You only get one shot to capture their attention.
Miscellaneous terms:
Backdrop- A background they place so they are not shooting
against a flat wall.
Gels- Thin sheets of plastic they will either place on the lights or
near the lights to give color to a background.
Prop- An item you can bring with you- i.e.- if you are a musician a
prop would be your guitar, if you like to read a prop would be your
favorite book, etc.
Staging- Setting up the area to look like something else, i.e. you
take the room and set it up to look like a diner or whatever.
One More Thing:
Do NOT go to Glamour Shots or get any other type of glamour
photography. This is not a realistic interpretation of who you are.
After you get a date and you want to surprise him or her with some
sexy pictures, THEN you can go to Glamour Shots. This is about
capturing the essence of you right now, as you are TODAY.
The worst thing you can do is misrepresent yourself. NEVER put a
picture up of yourself that you can’t duplicate in real life. Also,
never put up pictures that are over a year old. Keep it current. If
you do not heed my advice, you are going to make a lot of people
angry or disappointed. Don’t waste people’s time.
You want someone who wants you for you now, not for who you
were 50 pounds ago. Be confident in yourself and don’t worry
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about that weight anyway. ¾ of the United States is overweight so
get over it.
Other Uses For Your Photos
Remember- these photos are yours to keep forever, so you could
also use them in your own Press Kit, send them out to your family
at holidays, use as part of your corporate image, post them on your
website, put them on your business cards or brochures, use them
on your greeting cards...the ideas are endless. I think everyone
once in his or her life should have a professional sitting with a
photographer.
ACTION STEP
Go to http://www.getadatetodayonline.com and click on the link to
the online photographers.

Contact Photographer

Shop Prices

Ask Questions

Set Date
Photographers Name:
Photography Session Date:
Photography Session Time:
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Chapter 10
Get Ready To Write
Many people wonder what to write in their profile, but this is not
going to be a problem for you because I am going to teach you a
few methods to get the juices flowing.
Go grab your notebook or laptop and get out your pen. Most
people don’t think they are interesting or don’t know what to write
or say. When I was writing my comedy we were taught to do a freeflow exercise called Stream of Consciousness Writing. For 15
minutes you just write whatever comes to your mind. Write about
anything.
You can write about yesterday, you can write about your childhood,
you can write about a great day you had- or even a bad day! You
can write about your pet or your Mom or Dad or a day at work. You
can write about the place you live or where you grew up.
What does this have to do with writing your profile? Everything. It
gets the brain thinking outside the box. When you can start writing
about anything, it loosens you up. You don’t feel so afraid that
there is nothing interesting about you.
I know you might still be apprehensive, but let that feeling go, and
just relax. Take a deep breath, pull out the sheet of paper or the
keyboard, and set your watch for 15 minutes and GO!
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Don’t come back to this until 15 minutes have passed.
Ready? Begin!
ACTION STEP

Do 15 Minute Stream of Consciousness Writing
Ok, how did that feel? It was easier than you thought wasn’t it?
Yes, it was, come on! You see, if you can write about a topic for 15
minutes then there is something interesting about you! You are not
putting this into your profile; I just want you to loosen up a bit!
What I want you to do now is write for another 15 minutes, without
editing and without stopping about yourself. Don’t censor yourself.
Write whatever comes to mind. This is NOT going to be your profile.
For now, you are just getting an idea of what comes to mind when
you think about yourself. What you look like, what kind of job you
have, etc.
What is your favorite color? What is your favorite food? Do you
like to ski? Are you funny? Handsome? Are you skilled at
something? Be descriptive. Is one hand larger than the other?
What color are your eyes? Are you dull? Yes, write that as well,
write ANYTHING that comes to mind good or bad.
For now, don’t worry about the types of things that come to your
mind. Just write them down.
I know you might be thinking:
“Will I do it right?”
“What does this have to do with anything?”
“Will anyone be interested in me?”
“What if I am not good enough?”
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“What if I am not likeable?”
Don’t worry about any of that right now! For now, just follow the
directions. Are you ready?
Set your clock for 15 minutes- ready? Begin.
ACTION STEP

Do 15 Minute Stream of Consciousness Writing
Go to your workbook or write on your own paper
Hey! That wasn’t that hard was it? And don’t worry, like I said, this
isn’t going to be in your final profile. This exercise is just designed
to get you THINKING about yourself and get you to see how you
describe yourself. I want you to hold on to what you wrote down
because you might need it later.
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Chapter 11
Discovering Your Interests
In this chapter you are going to discover the different facets of you
personality, your interests and what some of your attributes and
preferences are. It is in depth and covers quite a bit of personal
information. This chapter is going to be mostly Action Steps. I
want you to dig deep because you will be getting to know YOU.
We hardly ever take a look at our likes and dislikes and evaluate
them. Doing these exercises is going to help you figure out how to
market yourself. In addition, when you are actually out on a date,
you will quickly be able to discern if the person you are with will be
compatible with you and your lifestyle.
What Words Do You Use To Describe Yourself?
When you think about yourself there are certain words that you
believe you identify with. I want you to start thinking of some of
the adjectives that could be used to describe you. How do you
think of yourself? Are you sexy, funny, boring?
ACTION STEP
Write down the first things that come to mind.
I am:
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I am going to help you a little. I am going to give you a kind of cheat
sheet. Usually, people describe themselves with common terms. I
came up with a list of 162 possible adjectives that will help you
really define whom you are. The list has positive, negative and
neutral qualities. Please be honest and circle the words that you
identify with.
List of Adjectives
Gutsy
Organized
Creative
Private
Self- Reliant
Influential
Authentic
Careful
Entertaining
Arrogant
Fun-Loving
Humorous
Educated
Gentle
Inspirational
Genuine
Intelligent
Funny
Fiery
Intense
Apprehensive
Gorgeous
Determined
Intriguing
Shy
Imaginative
Detailed
Devilish
Articulate
Charming
Mean
Dreamy
Sincere
Helpful
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Sexy
Logical
Conscientious
Burly
Lively
Submissive
Unusual
Ambiguous
Shrewd
Prolific
Rigid
Giving
Serious
Feisty
Loud
Compassionate
Open-minded
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Self-conscious
Thoughtful
Outgoing
Gorgeous
Happy
Whimsical
Even-tempered
Cuddly
Handsome
Nerdy
Balanced
Masculine
Quiet
Risk-Avoider
Zany
Needy
Meticulous
Eccentric
Sensitive
Bold
Friendly
Out There
Cautious
Obsessive
Bizarre
Childlike
Practical
Honest
Peaceful
Succinct
Opinionated
Fearless
Enthusiastic
Lazy
Anxious
Captivating
Powerful
Fun
Brave
Hostile
Introverted
Subjective
Outrageous
Wise
Competitive
Rebellious
Assertive
Capricious
Wacky
Objective
Rational
Healthy
Aloof
Sociable
Energetic
Assertive
Decisive
Real
Cynical
Enchanting
Geeky
Driven
Sassy
Eloquent
Nice
Savvy
Analytical
Proactive
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Courageous
Adventurous
Indifferent
Passionate
Weird
Inhibited
Conservative
Risk-Seeker
Successful
Kind
Ordinary
Independent
Reliable
Effeminate
Jolly
Alluring
Odd
Knowledgeable
Dapper
Tolerant
Different
Feminine
Stable
Bright
Relaxed
Mysterious
Spiritual
Generous
Vivacious
Artistic
Simple
Gifted
Prissy
Deep
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Positive
Graceful
Dominant
Smart
Old-Fashioned
Stable
Focused
Clever
Warm
Wow! That’s a lot of adjectives isn’t it? Who knew there were so
many descriptive ways to describe you? When you write your
profile you are not going to write lists of adjectives. That is one of
the biggest mistakes I see people make on their profiles; however,
knowing what adjectives describe you will make writing your profile
a lot easier. Later I am going to tell you how to incorporate the
adjectives you identify with into a story about you.
What Do You Like To Do?
You might think this is obvious but when you dig deep you will find
that there are a lot more things that you like than comes to your
mind.
For instance do you like to:

Play Chess

Scuba Dive

Salsa Dance

Run Marathons

Get Massages

Go To Spas

Pamper Yourself

Rollerblade
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ACTION STEP
List Some Things You Like To Do:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
Another way of looking at this is to list your hobbies. For instance a
hobby is what you do in your spare time. It is something you do
regularly and enjoy.
Here are some hobbies:
•
Bird Watching
•
Glassblowing
•
Metal Working
•
Collecting Stamps
•
Kite Flying
•
Jewelry Making
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•
American Civil War enactment
•
Wood Working
•
Building model railroads
•
Flying Airplanes
List some of your hobbies:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
What Do You Read In the Newspaper?
What are your favorite sections? Sports? Comics? Editorial?
Weekend Guide?
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
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What Magazines Do You Read?
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
What Types of Music Do You Listen To?
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
What Radio Stations Do You Listen To?
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
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What TV Channels Do You Watch?
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
What Kinds of Animals Do You Like?
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
What Are Your Favorite Foods?
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
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“Top Ten” Lists
I want you to figure out what your “Top Tens” are. Knowing these
will help you get to know YOU better. This will also help you later on
when you may be asked one of these questions by your date.
After you have written them down, they are going to help you see
some patterns in your personality as well. For instance in the film
category, if you notice that you have listed all comedies as your
favorite movies than perhaps you have overlooked the more
humorous side of your personality. In the same vein, if you have
listed all dramatic films, then perhaps you have overlooked the more
serious or sensitive side of your personality.
You many find that you can’t come up with one single thing for a
category; don’t worry about. Notice it and move on.
ACTION STEP
• If you can’t come up with ten, than at least come up with five
or as many as you can.
What Types Of Entertainment Do you Like?
List Your Top Ten Favorite Movies of All Time
1.
6.
2.
7.
3.
8.
4.
9.
5.
10.
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List Your Top Ten Favorite TV Shows of All Time
1.
6.
2.
7.
3.
8.
4.
9.
5.
10.
List Your Top Ten Favorite Songs of All Time
1.
6.
2.
7.
3.
8.
4.
9.
5.
10.
List Your Top Ten Favorite Music Videos of All Time
1.
6.
2.
7.
3.
8.
4.
9.
5.
10.
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List Your Top Ten Favorite TV Commercials of All Time
1.
6.
2.
7.
3.
8.
4.
9.
5.
10.
List Your Top Ten Favorite Bands of All Time
1.
6.
2.
7.
3.
8.
4.
9.
5.
10.
List Your Top Ten Favorite Concerts of All Time
1.
6.
2.
7.
3.
8.
4.
9.
5.
10.
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List Your Top Ten Favorite Plays of All Time
1.
6.
2.
7.
3.
8.
4.
9.
5.
10.
List Your Top Ten Favorite Books of All Time
1.
6.
2.
7.
3.
8.
4.
9.
5.
10.
Why did you just have to do that? To get you specific about your
interests. Maybe you could only think of one play you liked. This is
going to bring to your attention that maybe you don’t like going to
plays. When you are browsing profiles and someone states that
they love going to plays or musicals, then you will know that they
might not be a match for you.
Maybe TV isn’t as important as you thought and maybe you realized
that you love going to concerts. When you are determining
compatibility with someone, if you couldn’t think of one TV show
that you liked, then you wont’ be a match with someone who listed
12 TV shows in their profile and mentions that they come home
every night and plop down on the couch and grab the remote.
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If you like going to concerts and it is something you do regularly,
you will attract someone else who also enjoys this activity. People
enjoy different activities. You want to make sure that whomever
you attract will also enjoy the same activities as you do. If you love
country music and your date hates it, don’t plan on this being a
match.
You might be thinking, “Oh come on, just because someone likes
different music doesn’t mean we aren’t compatible.” You wanna
bet? What station will you argue about listening to on the radio in
your car or in your house? When you want to go to that country
music concert don’t expect that someone who doesn’t like it will
want to go with you.
Music is a big part of most people’s lives. I know a couple that is
constantly arguing about what station the radio is tuned to in the
car. It is a point of contention for them. This one simple thing
could drive a wedge between you and your future love, so stick to
dating someone who has more commonalities with you.
As long as we are on TOP TEN lists, then you might as well just go
for it and list more Top Tens right now. It’s ok, if you can’t come
up with ten of everything but this will help get you on the right
track. If you can’t think of any, move on.
List Your Top Ten Favorite Vacation Spots of All Time
1.
6.
2.
7.
3.
8.
4.
9.
5.
10.
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List Your Top Ten Favorite Romantic Dates of All Time
1.
6.
2.
7.
3.
8.
4.
9.
5.
10.
List Your Top Ten Favorite Local Restaurants
1.
6.
2.
7.
3.
8.
4.
9.
5.
10.
List Your Top Ten Places to Go/Drive to
1.
6.
2.
7.
3.
8.
4.
9.
5.
10.
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List Your Top Ten Funniest Moments
1.
6.
2.
7.
3.
8.
4.
9.
5.
10.
List Your Top Ten Saddest Moments
1.
6.
2.
7.
3.
8.
4.
9.
5.
10.
List Your Top Ten Achievements
1.
6.
2.
7.
3.
8.
4.
9.
5.
10.
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List The Top Ten Worst Pickup Lines You Ever Heard
1.
6.
2.
7.
3.
8.
4.
9.
5.
10.
List The Top Ten Worst Dates You Ever Had
1.
6.
2.
7.
3.
8.
4.
9.
5.
10.
List The Top Ten Friends You Ever Had
1.
6.
2.
7.
3.
8.
4.
9.
5.
10.
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You may be wondering how this is going to help you but there is a
method to my madness. Are you getting to know yourself better?
Did I bring up some old forgotten memories?
The purpose is to jar your mind into thinking about things you have
already done and what resonates with you. This is going to help
you when you finally get to write the profile and you won’t have to
sit and stare at a computer screen and wonder what to write. It will
determine the angle you will take.
Believe it or not, a lot of these questions are going to come up on
your date. Knowing these things about yourself is going to make
you a better conversationalist, it will make you a more interesting
date, it will keep you with a constant flow of things to talk about
and it will provide you with questions to ask your date.
You may be wondering why I asked about the last 7 things on the
list. This is going to help you discover a lot about the choices you
have made in your life and also challenge you to take a look at your
life and some of your decisions.
If you don’t have enough funny moments and you have a lot of sad
moments, maybe it’s time to take a look at that. You can begin
taking control of your future and the memories you make right now.
Also, when you look at your top ten friends, notice what it is you
like or liked about them. Chances are when you can start
discovering the attributes you like about your friends, you will be
able to determine what kinds of attributes you might want in a
partner. We are friends with people because we LIKE them. You
might see a pattern in the types of people you choose to hang out
with. Notice it.
I wanted you to write down the worst pickup lines so you don’t
think of using any as cheesy as the one’s you’ve already heard and I
wanted you to think of your romantic dates so that you will have
ideas on where to take your date or what to do with them.
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The key to anything in life is being prepared. The more prepared you
are at finding the love of your life; the more likely it will happen. If
you take a casual approach to discovering what kind of person you
are you may never even know yourself. My favorite political line
from Ancient Greece is:
“Know Thyself”
If you are a Political Science buff, you will know that when Socrates
was on trial, he brought up this famous motto that was inscribed on
the Temple of Apollo at Delphi. People think Socrates said it but it
was actually the Oracle of Delphi who said it. Socrates just
repeated it.
Personal Interests
You’ve got your Top Ten Lists taken care of, now is the time for
you to start listing your personal interests. By personal interests, I
am referring to the topics that truly interest you, the ones you like
to talk and inquire about.
• What Inspires you?
• What Fascinates you?
• What Motivates you?
• What do you have a Passion about?
Those are your personal interests. Most people discount them
because when they think of interests they think of things like hiking,
biking or reading, etc.
Your true interests are the things that you lie awake thinking of
before you go to bed. They are the things you wonder about, are
curious about and that you like to talk about. If one of your
interests is Past Lives and the person you go out with thinks that
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there is no such thing as past lives, then that might not be a match
for you. These are things to keep in mind when browsing profiles.
• Are you interested in Souls?
• Are you interested in the Mafia?
• Are you interested in the Stock Market?
You can list as many as you want and you might need extra paper.
You can write anything down here. There are no rules and no one is
grading you.
Here is a sample list of Personal Interest Topics:
•
The “Beyond”
•
Politics
•
Wildlife
•
Forensics
•
The Universe
•
The Fourth Dimension
•
The Government
•
Angels
•
Third World Countries
•
Financial Institutions
•
Past Lives
•
Native American Folklore
•
The FBI
•
The Future of Our Nation
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•
20’s Jazz
•
Rockabilly
•
Hip Hop
•
Celebrities
•
Oceanography
•
Black Holes
•
Conservation
•
Forestry
•
Genealogy
•
The CIA
•
Green Peace
•
You get the idea.
ACTION STEP
• Come Up with at least 25 topics that interest you. This chart
has space for 50 in case you want to list more:
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Good Job So Far!
You are doing a great job so far at doing the exercises and taking
the Action Steps. You should be really proud of yourself. In order
to really understand yourself enough to properly market you it takes
a lot of work! When you start working on yourself it sends a
message to your subconscious mind that you appreciate yourself
enough to discover whom you are and that you are willing to do
what is necessary to attain your goals.
Doing these exercises might help you in other areas of your life as
well. You’ll begin to see on paper the things that catch your
interest. Maybe after completing these exercises, you will be
inspired to live the life of your dreams or get a new job or go back
to school or move to a new location. Who knows?
Whatever it is I wish you the best! I know that if you’ve come this
far in the book that you really respect yourself and that you are the
kind of person who will do what it takes to become the person you
want to be.
By knowing the answers to these questions, you will be giving
yourself a marketing edge. When you create your personal ad your
answers will help you target your ideal date. There is no sense in
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writing an ad that appeals to everyone. You don’t want to appeal to
everyone! You want to appeal to the kind of person who is going to
be interested in the kinds of things you like to do! You are looking
for someone to go have some fun with or a companion to go
through life with.
If you like to fish and watch, “My Name is Earl” and dance the polka,
then you want to appeal to someone who enjoys those things to, or
is at least open to them. The more specific you are about the types
of things you like to do to pass your time, the better your chances
will be at finding true love!
What Are Some of Your Attributes?
In this section you will recognize some of your qualities. What are
you good at? What resonates with you? I am going to list some
qualities here and you can just check off ones that you identify
with.
ACTION STEP
Are You Good At:
Being social
Having compassion
Finishing things
Being organized
Communicating with others
Being romantic
Expressing emotion
Taking risks
Being trustworthy
Trying new things
Helping others
Being a friend
Expressing empathy
Check Off If You Identify
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Having a sense of humor
Listening to others
Being a caretaker
Showing humility
Being responsible
Following through
Having integrity
Being open to change
These are some of the main qualities that are desirable to another
person. They are what make you “valuable” to someone else. What
are your strengths? What do you think someone else will find
appealing?
• Are you quick to solve problems?
• Are you organized?
• Are you swift and efficient?
• Are you knowledgeable?
• Do you get along well with others?
• Are you charismatic?
• Are you fun to be around?
I want you to come up with your own.
ACTION STEP
10 Qualities or Strengths that I have:
1.
2.
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3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
Now go through the ones you’ve checked off and go through your
own list and decide what your top five qualities are.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
If you are finding that you don’t have a lot of qualities to check off
or list then you may need to take a look at that. If you are lacking
in many of the areas that I listed than you are going to have
become the type of person who has these qualities.
If you want a date, you are going to have to become the kind of
person that people want to date.
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What Are Your Preferences?
In order to write your profile you need to know what is important to
you and what your preferences are. Are having a lot of friends
important? Is bowling once a week important? Are having a good
job, a lot of money, a nice car, a nice house, and a great body
important? Is solving world hunger important? Are rescuing
animals important?
ACTION STEP
 Determine what some of your preferences are.
Is it important to you that the people you hang out with don’t drink
or do drugs?
Is it important to you to spend time with your family?
Where do you prefer to live? Are you a country bumpkin or a big
city slicker?
Would you rather spend your time curled up with a good book or
would you rather go out to a casino and gamble?
Would you rather spend your time indoors or outdoors?
Do you prefer to have a plan or are you spontaneous?
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Do you prefer to have a stable job or do you switch jobs often?
Do you like excitement or do your prefer tranquility?
Do you like to hang out with crazy outgoing people or would you
rather go to a book study?
Do you like to stay at the office all night or would you rather get
home and have a social life?
Do you prefer to do a variety of things or do you just like to have a
routine?
These are just a few examples. Come up with some things on your
own that you prefer or that are important to you.
ACTION STEP
 When you are completely done with the above list I want you
to list the five most important things to you.
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1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Knowing the answers to these questions will help you identify the
things in life you prefer. This will be useful when writing your profile
and also when reading other people’s profiles.
For instance, if you are the quiet type who likes to stay in and
cuddle on the couch on a Friday night and you read the profile of
someone who says they like to live it up and party all weekend, that
probably won’t be a good match for you.
Don’t try to fit a square peg into a round hole. We can’t be
everything to everyone and we all don’t like the same kinds of
things. If you are someone who needs to plan your entire week,
you will most likely not jive with someone who is ultra spontaneous
and lives by the seat of their pants.
Don’t try to sound like someone you are not. If you think writing
that you are the life of the party or that you are the social director
of your group when in fact you are neither will jazz up your profile
you are mistaken. All you will be doing is sending the wrong
message to the wrong target market.
By listing some of the things you like, you will be capturing the
attention of other people who also enjoy those things. They are
your target market. They are the ones you will be compatible with.
They are the ones that will be easiest to get along with simply
because you will agree on more things and like to do more things
together.
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Chapter 12
Advertising You: Discovering Your Type
There’s an old saying in Hollywood- and that is – “Know what your
‘type’ is”. To an actor all that means is what roles are they right
for? Is the actors type: “Mother,” “Best Friend,” “Goofy Comic,”
“Cop,” “Nerd,” etc. Sometimes an actor gets “typecast.” They
always play the cop or the bad guy or the scream queen. They
can’t break out of that role.
When an actor is getting his or her headshots done they must come
across the way they are likely to be cast. A 5”2 200 pound girl is
usually not going to get cast as the hot lead with the drop dead
gorgeous boyfriend. She will most likely be the friend, or the sister
or the office worker. She needs to come across like those roles in
her headshot.
If she markets herself for her correct types, she might get cast. If
she gets all glammed up and has beauty shots taken of her, she will
never land a role. That’s just not how she is seen in Hollywood. It’s
not her “type.”
For marketing purposes you are going to determine your “type.” By
“type” I’m not talking about the person you are trying to attract,
I’m talking about YOU. This goes hand and hand with your personal
brand, which we will get to in the next section. I break the types
down between women and men, so skip to your section. Men you
can skip down to page: 148
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Women: What Type Are You?
ACTION STEP
Take a few moments to review some types below and determine
what type you identify with. Place a checkmark next to the one
that you resonate with. This is in no way all-inclusive. There are
literally hundreds of types of women.
Women:
Are you a…
•
Girl Next Door
•
Femme Chick
•
Sporty Chick
•
Drama Queen
•
Urban Girl
•
Golf Princess
•
Confidence Queen
•
Middle Aged Housewife Girl
•
Surfer Girl
•
Hippie Girl
•
Cowgirl/Country Chick
•
Shy Girl
•
Athletic Girl
•
Punk Rocker/Hard Rock or Hip Hop Girl
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•
Goth Girl
•
Leather Queen
•
Science Geek
•
Nature Chick
•
Comedy Girl
•
Earth Mother
•
Vegan Girl
•
Businesswoman
•
Commando/Powerhouse
•
Library Girl
•
Sexual Girl
•
I Can’t Do it Myself, Can You Help Me Girl
•
I Don’t Need Anyone’s Help Girl
•
Sweet Little Old Lady
What is your Primary type?
If I haven’t listed your type write it in here:
What is your Secondary type?
Ladies, you’re finished with this so skip to page:
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Men: What Type Are you?
ACTION STEP
Take a few moments to review some types below and determine
what you identify with. Place a checkmark next to the one that you
resonate with. This is in no way all-inclusive. There are literally
hundreds of types of men.
Men
Are you a…
• Gentleman
• Metrosexual
• Ubersexual
• Backyard BBQ Man
• Sports Jock
• Comedy Man
• Businessman
• Hippie Dude
• Mr. “I’ll Handle It” Man
• Totally In Style Man
• Surfer Dude
• Remote Control Couch Potato Man
• Mr. GQ Rico Suave Man
• Mr. Fix Everything Man
• Nature Man
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• Joe Fisherman
• Macho Kick Your Butt Man
• Lumberjack Man
• Take Control Commando Man
• Construction Man
• Motorcycle Man
• Farm Boy
• Sex Sex and More Sex Man
• Nerd Man
• Military Man
• Abercrombie and Fitch Man
• Vegan Man
What is your Primary type?
If I haven’t listed your type write it in here:
What is your Secondary type?
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Playing Your Type
You have to start seeing yourself as someone who can be
advertised. If you feel you want to incorporate one of these types
into your brand, which we will cover next, than do so. Although I
play golf, I don’t see myself as a Golf Princess because I don’t go to
the Dinah Shore, I don’t have a group of golf buddies that I golf with
three times a week and I certainly don’t wear golf attire.
I also ride a motorcycle. Although I wear leather when I ride, I don’t
classify myself as a Leather Queen. That is an entire subculture
unto itself. I could pick and choose many of these that are small
parts of me, but the primary way I market myself is as a Confidence
Queen. My secondary type is Comedy Girl. It comes through in my
headshots, in the clothes I wear, the shoes I wear, my mannerisms
and the way I apply my makeup.
It would be hard to sell myself if I had my golf clubs and was
standing by my motorcycle and had a dress on.
 Ladies: It is going to be hard to market businesswoman, Earth
Mother, Science Geek
 Guys: It is going to be hard to sell Nerdy, Backyard BBQ,
Sports Jock.
You can do whatever you want in your day-to-day life and often
times you will take on different roles. For the purposes of this book
we are going to concentrate on one of your types and then market
the hell out of it.
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Personality Type
Not only do you have a personal type but you also have a
personality type. When you were in school you might have
remembered taking the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. It actually
scores people on four personality dimensions that result in 16
different personality types.
Basically you are an Introvert or Extrovert, a Sensor or an Intuitive, a
Thinker or a Feeler and a Judger or a Perceiver. When you take the
test you will come up with one of the 16 combinations. It is pretty
interesting.
The first category- Introversion and Extroversion
This is how people direct their energy. Do they direct it inward or
outward?
An Introvert usually likes to be by themselves, they are usually
calm, quiet or reserved and usually don’t call attention to
themselves
An Extrovert is usually “loud and obnoxious” they have a lot of
energy, are people persons and are usually the life of the party.
The second category- Sensing and Intuition
This is how you take in information.
A Sensor usually gathers information about the world through their
five senses: Seeing, hearing, touching, tasting, and smelling. They
are usually down to earth, practical and realistic and deal with what
is here now.
An Intuitive likes to do things that are new and different. They
like to see the big picture, they are dreamers who focus on the
future and usually have pie in the sky thinking.
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The third category- Thinking and Feeling Has to do with how
you make decisions.
A Thinker makes decisions with his or her head in an analytical
manner and detaches oneself by being impersonal and logical.
A Feeler usually makes decisions based on a gut feeling by
weighing options and different points of view and likes to maintain
harmony; they are often seen as caring and warm.
The fourth category- Judgment and Perception
This has to do with how you structure yourself.
A Judger is usually very neat and orderly, they usually have a plan
and they usually seem to have things under control.
A Perceiver is usually carefree, flexible and spontaneous,
disorderly and waits until the last minute to get things done.
Obviously you can see that you fit into some of these types, we all
do. One is not better than the other, just different. Remember you
are trying to get a sense of your personality type. In addition, you
are trying to figure out whom you would be the most compatible
with.
I am Extrovert, a little bit of equal Sensing and Intuitive, leaning
more towards Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiver. I would probably not be
suited to someone with those same characteristics. We would
argue a lot, daydream all day and never get anything done.
In my profile if I were to write that I was shy or quiet or preferred to
be alone, this would not be true to my essence. You have to look at
yourself and see the type of person you are and expand on that.
I used to know someone who wrote on his profile that he was
outgoing, spontaneous and up for new adventures. That was not
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how he was at all. In fact, he despised spontaneity, was very shy
and was averse to trying new things.
He painted an inaccurate picture of his personality type. The kind
of person who is going to be attracted to those qualities in
someone is going to be in for a big surprise when they find out that
that is not how he really is. If you do that, you are setting people
up and in a sense deceiving them.
Your profile is not the place to pretend you are someone you are
not. Be true to yourself. There are people out there who will like
you just the way you are and will be attracted to your personality
type. That is what makes us all unique.
What it comes down to is that you behave differently than others,
have different interests and are motivated by different factors. You
can take the Type Indicator Instrument online. If you are having a
hard time figuring out your personality type, I suggest taking it.
While I don’t believe it is concrete and written in stone as the tell-all
of your being, it is useful and may help you understand yourself
more. Just go to Google and type Myers-Briggs. The foundation
page will come up and you can click on “The MBTI Instrument.”
There are several other personality indicators that you can take.
They are:
• Jungian Psychological Type
• Kolb’s Learning Styles
• 16PF- 16 Personality Factors
• Margerison-McCann Team Performance Wheel
• William Moulton Marston DISC Personal Profile Types
• MMPI- Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory
• Big Five Factors
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• Type A and Type B Personalities
• Belbin Team Roles
The more you know about yourself the better prepared you will be
to market yourself and attract someone you are compatible with.
You only have one life, why waste time with someone that is not
right for you?
ACTION STEP
 What is your personality type?
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Chapter 13
Personal Branding
Branding is one of my favorite subjects but something few people
know how to do. When we were talking earlier about marketing and
advertising, I was introducing you to some concepts. This is the
chapter that you are going to take everything you have learned
about yourself and everything you have learned about marketing
and apply it to you. You are going to come up with your own
personal brand. This is not only going to help you in the Online
Dating world, this is going to help you in all areas of your life.
When people think of a brand they usually think of a product like a
certain brand of toilette paper, a certain brand of cereal, or a certain
brand of soup. They think of a brand name.
In marketing, branding goes much further than the name of the
product. A brand communicates certain information to a consumer
distinguishing it from others. A good brand hopes to associate the
product with an image in the mind of its’ target market.
Some of the Most Well Known Brands in the World
Are:
Coca-Cola, Nike, Toyota and Marlboro.
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Coca-Cola- The Coca-Cola brand represents an exciting life and
Coke the name is synonymous with a cola drink. “The real thing” and
“Coke is it” are slogans. The contour bottle and the red and white
can with the “dynamic swirl’ is the packaging and trademark.
Coca-Cola started out as a medicine and actually contained a
significant amount of cocaine. It wasn’t until later that they
marketed Coca-Cola as a beverage. They wanted to differentiate
Coca-Cola from other soft drinks so they decided to come up with a
new bottle. It was the contour bottle design (which was actually
inspired by a cocoa pod) and the handwritten name that
distinguished it from all other beverage bottles. Coca-Cola is the
most powerful brand in the world. That is the power of branding.
Nike- The Nike brand represents ambition or the feeling of
greatness. “Just Do It” is their slogan.
trademark.
The “swoosh” is their
Nike started out as Blue Ribbon Sports and didn’t start becoming
popular until it adopted the name of the Greek Goddess of Victory
and started sponsoring athletes. In 1988 the ad campaign, “Just
Do It,” came out and the rest is history. Nike is the world’s largest
supplier of athletic shoes. That is the power of branding.
Toyota- The Toyota brand represents well-built cars. “Moving
forward” is a brand message. Toyota sells the feeling of reliability
and the spirit of never standing still. Toyota is the number one
automobile manufacturing company in the world. That is the power
of branding.
Marlboro- The Marlboro brand sells an attitude or the feeling of
the appealing way of the American western lifestyle. “The Marlboro
Man” (the rugged cowboy on the horse) is the image Marlboro
wants to portray.
When Phillip Morris, parent company to Marlboro, released the ad
campaign of “The Marlboro Man,” along with the red and white
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product packaging and the idea of the American Western landscape,
sales of Marlboro went up 5000%. That is the power of branding.
*I do not endorse cigarette smoking
(I use Marlboro as an example because it was one
of the most successful branding campaigns in the
world and is cited in almost all branding/marketing
books)
FYI- Google is quickly climbing the charts in brand domination!
These brands are all selling a vision or an idea.
• If you drink Coke you will be “tasting excitement.”
• If you wear Nike shoes you will be a “superior athlete”
• If you drive a Toyota you will be “moving forward.”
• If you smoke Marlboro cigarettes you will be “engaging in the
American Spirit.”
What Is A Personal Brand?
A personal brand is something everyone has. It is the image that
you portray to the world. It is who you are at your core. By image I
mean the feeling you represent, not a picture image. It is our
perception of someone.
Think about someone right now. Think of your favorite female
schoolteacher. What was the image you just had of her? Was she
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nice and comforting? Helpful and caring? That is her personal
brand to you. That is how you perceive her.
Ok, now think of a schoolteacher you couldn’t stand. What was the
image you got of him or her? Were they a jerk or a bitch? You
probably got a feeling of what you didn’t like about them. That
image of them will remain with you for the rest of your life. That is
their personal brand to you.
When I think of my fourth grade teacher- Mrs. T-bone, (her
nickname) I get a feeling of discontent and I think of the wicked
witch. She was from Kansas and I imagine her riding around on her
broom. That image will never leave me. That was her personal brand.
She was ugly, mean and nasty. That’s the way I perceived her.
When I picture my kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Henderson, I get a
feeling of love. She was caring and helpful and treated us all with
love. That was over 30 years ago and I still remember the impact
her Personal Brand had on me.
When people see you, think of you or hear of you, they recall the
image they have of you. They recall “loud and obnoxious,” “sloppy
and unkempt,” “trusting and hardworking,” or “sexy and
magnanimous.” Those are personal brands. Think about your
current personal brand. What does it say about you?
A good brand is memorable, desirable and provokes feelings. A
brand is not good if it doesn’t give you the feeling of something.
We don’t usually think of people as brands. A personal brand is
basically your personal identity and is usually associated with your
personality.
A personal brand could highlight your:
• Strengths
• Values
• Attributes
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• Credibility
• Personality
• Physique
• Mannerisms
• Status
• Interests
• Religion
• etc.
Your brand is also what is underneath the packaging:
• Coke is still a brown carbonated caffeinated beverage.
• Nike is still a shoe.
• Toyota is still a car.
• Marlboro is still a cigarette.
Your personal brand is NOT your profession
Your brand is NOT “office worker,” “accountant,” “teacher” or
“scientist.” It goes beyond that. Your personal brand incorporates
all the elements of your personality and blends them together.
John McCain the brand is: Staunchly war hero Republican
Barack Obama the brand is: Charismatic young gun Democrat
promoting change
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Common personal brands:
Eddie Murphy- Funny, no limits, family comedian (He used to be
RAW remember? He changed his personal brand)
Michael Jordan – Greatest basketball player ever
Einstein- The absent minded genius
Margaret Cho- Raunchy fag hag
Bill Gates- Nerdy computer king billionaire
Oprah- Everyone’s friend that wants to help the world.
Ellen- Goofy girl next door
Barry Bonds- The Steroid Baseball Guy (Used to be the Home Run
King- the media coverage of the steroid scandal changed his brand)
George Clooney- Dreamy, sexy, movie star
Michael Jackson- Weirdo pedophile (That’s what he is commonly
termed now. Think of what his brand used to be- “The King of
pop,” remember?)
Nelly- Sexy R&B singer
George Lopez- “America’s Mexican”
Snoop Dogg- Long Beach Gangsta rapper
Madonna- Sexual, reinvents herself pop star
ACTION STEP
Write down 5 well-known people and what you think their personal
brands are:
1.
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2.
3.
4.
5.
Why did you have to do that? I want to give you a feel for what
personal branding is. By recognizing others personal brands, it will
help you recognize yours. You have to look at yourself objectively
and come up with the same type of thing for yourself. What do you
stand for? What is your brand? It must be part of your true
personality! Never try to stand for something that is not truly you.
In the romantic world you must be willing to reveal something about
you and let people in. You must be a little bit vulnerable. You also
want to think about how you want others to feel when they think of
your name. Do you want them to think you are an arrogant jerk or a
lovely comrade?
Remember your brand is also what people can expect from you so
don’t write that you are reliable if you aren’t.
What makes you unique?
In business this is your USP- your Unique Selling Proposition. This
goes hand and hand with your personal brand. Basically, how are
you going to sell the goods called you? How are you going to
differentiate yourself from your competitors- the other people
online? You have to stand out and be different than everyone else.
I am going to help you out here by giving you a list of adjectives.
Do you remember the list I gave you earlier? I am going to have you
use this same list because it is pretty extensive.
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ACTION STEP
• Think of who you are as a brand. Then circle the words that
portray those characteristics.
List of Adjectives
Gutsy
Funny
Sexy
Organized
Fiery
Logical
Creative
Intense
Conscientious
Private
Apprehensive
Burly
Self- Reliant
Gorgeous
Lively
Influential
Determined
Submissive
Authentic
Intriguing
Unusual
Careful
Shy
Ambiguous
Entertaining
Imaginative
Shrewd
Arrogant
Detailed
Prolific
Fun-Loving
Devilish
Rigid
Humorous
Articulate
Giving
Educated
Charming
Serious
Gentle
Mean
Feisty
Inspirational
Dreamy
Loud
Genuine
Sincere
Compassionate
Intelligent
Helpful
Open-minded
Self-conscious
Anxious
Courageous
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Thoughtful
Captivating
Adventurous
Outgoing
Powerful
Indifferent
Gorgeous
Fun
Passionate
Happy
Brave
Weird
Whimsical
Hostile
Inhibited
Even-tempered
Introverted
Conservative
Cuddly
Subjective
Risk-Seeker
Handsome
Outrageous
Successful
Nerdy
Wise
Kind
Balanced
Competitive
Ordinary
Masculine
Rebellious
Independent
Quiet
Assertive
Reliable
Risk-Avoider
Capricious
Effeminate
Zany
Wacky
Jolly
Needy
Objective
Alluring
Meticulous
Rational
Odd
Eccentric
Healthy
Knowledgeable
Sensitive
Aloof
Dapper
Bold
Sociable
Tolerant
Friendly
Energetic
Different
Out There
Assertive
Feminine
Cautious
Decisive
Stable
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Obsessive
Real
Bright
Bizarre
Cynical
Relaxed
Childlike
Enchanting
Mysterious
Practical
Geeky
Spiritual
Honest
Driven
Generous
Peaceful
Sassy
Vivacious
Succinct
Eloquent
Artistic
Opinionated
Nice
Simple
Fearless
Savvy
Gifted
Enthusiastic
Analytical
Prissy
Proactive
Deep
Positive
Smart
Focused
Graceful
Old-Fashioned
Clever
Dominant
Stable
Warm
Lazy
You can either choose from the list above or come up with some of
your own. Get out your dictionary if you have to. One thing I like
to do is look up a word in a thesaurus and then use a more creative
word.
Fun could be: amusing, enjoyable, entertaining- get it?
ACTION STEP
• Pick three adjectives that describe your personal brand:
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There Is Another Side To You
Let’s be honest, it’s not all good. Not all the things about you are
positive, so just to give you a realistic picture of who you really are
write down some honest things about yourself and some of your
downfalls.
• Are you sloppy?
• Are you a neat freak?
• Are you a perfectionist?
• Dirty?
• Messy?
• Do you eat like a pig?
• Do you leave your clothes lying all around the house?
• Do your feet smell?
• Do you have dirty fingernails?
• Is there animal hair covering your clothing or car?
• Do you have body odor?
I want you to be aware of your less desirable qualities. I don’t want
you on cloud nine thinking you are this gregarious, handsome,
talented heartthrob. I want to bring you down to reality.
People like to see the human side in us. If you are a dork, say so.
ACTION STEP
• Write down all the less than desirable things about you:
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Once you have written down all the less than fantastic things about
yourself contrast the two lists. How do you want to represent
yourself? How do you want others to see you?
If you came up with a personal brand that is rugged, tough and
handsome then you might as well go audition to BE the Marlboro
Man. You are not going to win many dates that way.
But if you take Rugged Sensitive and Charming- well hey- I bet that
is going to peek some curiosity. You might say, “Well how can you
be rugged and sensitive at the same time?” Trust me you can.
I want you to come up with about 3-4 attributes that you think
completely describe you and I want these to be your personal
romantic brand. In normal branding some people say to use only
one word to describe the “product,” that’s not so with the way you
are going to brand you.
We are not selling you to a business or a customer, but we are
selling you to an audience- an audience of potentially interested
people and not everyone shops at the same store. One person will
only buy name brands while another will only shop in thrift storesso you are not trying to be everything to everyone.
Pretty, blue eyed blond is WAY to generic and will get passed over
or only looked at by people who have sex on their minds. In fact,
that is not even a brand- that is a physical description. A much
better way of portraying yourself would be:
Appealing, Educated and Witty.
Stick to a theme for yourself and tailor everything to fit that theme.
A person who writes Appealing, Educated and Witty, isn’t going to
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write how she likes bubblegum and handholding and isn’t going to
have a picture of herself in a baby doll outfit. We will get more into
that later.
ACTION STEP
What is your brand? Come up with one line.
My personal brand is:
Other Characteristics You Have
Once you have an idea of how you want to portray yourself I want
you to write down some other characteristics that comprise you.
ACTION STEP
For instance- are you Jewish, Catholic, Buddhist or another religion?
What is your job?
Where are you from?
What is your ethnicity?
What are your parents like?
Do you have brothers or sisters?
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What kind of family do you come from?
Are you wealthy, middle class or poor?
Do you have children?
Do you have pets?
You can tweak your brand even further now. For instance, you
might be a: “Flashy, Outgoing Buddhist.” Or a “Riveting, Sensual
Mom.” Keep in mind that your personal brand is going to determine
how you will write your profile. It is going to set a tone and
precedence that need to be carried throughout your writing.
Did your personal brand change? If so, write it here:
We have just a few more things to cover before you begin to
actually write your profile. The next and final thing before you sit
down at the keyboard is determining whom it is that you want to
date!
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Chapter 14
Who Do You Want?
Most people honestly have no clue about what they really want in a
partner. They go through life randomly meeting people here and
there and then wonder why it doesn’t work out. In order for you to
meet the love of your life or the person of your dreams you are
going to have to get really specific on whom it is you want and why
it is you want someone like that.
If you go through life haphazardly dating any man or woman that
comes along, chances are you haven’t been successful in the love
department. It’s only when you get proactive and take
responsibility for your needs and wants that you will become
successful in the dating world.
Some people go one step further and they write the qualities they
want in someone but they have no idea of why they want someone
with those qualities. It is almost as bad as not writing a list down in
the first place!
Most people write out a list of what they THINK they want in a
mate. They write things like:
•
Fun
•
Adventurous
•
Stable
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•
Good looking
•
Compassionate
Of course we all want someone with these qualities! They sound
good! The problem is most people don’t even know the REAL
reason why they want them!
Everyone wants to be with someone who is fun, but what is your
definition of fun? Fun to you and fun to someone else could be two
different things. You have to really go inside yourself and figure out
exactly what kind of fun you are talking about.
What is “Fun?”
• Do you think going to sporting events is fun?
• Do you think going to a bible study group is fun?
• Do you think stripping down naked and running down the
street is fun?
• Do you think random sex on a Saturday night is fun?
Those are all very different kinds of expectations about what “fun”
is.
What is “Adventurous.”
What does “adventurous” mean to you?
• Is going to the local museum your idea of adventurous?
• Is going river rafting or skydiving your idea of adventurous?
• Does adventurous mean that you like to do kinky things in
bed?
Those are all very different ways of looking at what the term
“adventurous” means.
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Now let’s take the word “Stable.”
• Does that mean that the person is not crazy?
• Does that mean that the person has his or her own house?
• Does that mean that the person has a lot of money?
What does “stable” mean to you? For some, it might mean that the
person doesn’t do drugs or drink alcohol.
Now let’s take the concept “Good looking.”
• Does that mean that the person has a rippled body and taught
muscles?
• Does that mean that the person will pass in a social situation?
• Does that mean that the person has all of their teeth?
The concept of good-looking varies from person to person, what
you think is good looking and what I think is good looking can be
two different things.
Let’s take a look at the word “Compassionate.”
• Does that mean that someone cares about your feelings?
• Does that mean that someone is considerate around your
relatives?
• Does that mean that they won’t laugh when everyone else is
making fun of you?
What does compassionate mean to you?
ACTION STEP
I want to get you in the mode of writing down some qualities that
you want in someone. Write down your own definitions of these
qualities.
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My idea of Fun is:
My idea of Adventurous is:
My idea of Stable is:
My idea of Good Looking is:
My ideas of Compassionate is:
Be Realistic
In the Online Dating world people don’t get responses to their “ads”
because they don’t define what it is they want or what they are
looking for in a mate.
Have you ever thought, “Oh I want to date Brad Pitt or Angelina
Jolie?” Well unless you actually are Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie that
is not going to happen!
You have to be realistic if you want to find that special someone.
If you are a guy and you say you want a 5’8” blonde with green
eyes, a 27-inch waist and a size 36 D chest, chances are you are
going to be waiting a long time. Don’t limit your options!
Ladies: The same thing applies to you. If you want someone who is
6 feet tall, 180 pounds, rock solid, and has brown eyes and sandy
blond hair. You are really limiting your options.
Do you want to fantasize or do you want to be going on dates?
What qualities do you really want in someone? Do you want
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someone who is trustworthy, caring, and spontaneous? Do you
want them to have a job? I mean come on; they need to have a job!
Do you want someone who is quiet or loud? Do you want someone
who is funny or serious?
Getting Specific About What You Want
You need to be extremely specific about what the traits you want in
a person are and WHY you want those traits.
• Did someone cheat on you in the past? Perhaps you want
someone who is trustworthy.
• Did someone leave you with all the bills? Perhaps you want
someone who is financially stable, or in other words has a job
and can carry his or her own weight.
• Is it important for you to be seen with a certain type of
person? Be honest. Only you know why you need this.
• Do you want kids? Then it is going to be important to find
someone who wants kids someday.
I have two friends who have been together for five years now. One
of them desperately wants kids and the other absolutely does not.
It is beginning to show itself in disagreements between the two of
them. The woman feels her clock is ticking away and the man does
not want to be a parent.
I see this as a no win situation. It will continue to be an issue in this
relationship. In fact, if they break up, say five years from now, then
it may in fact be too late for the woman to experience natural
childbirth. Of course, there is always adoption, but sometimes that
takes a long time and is a costly process.
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In my opinion, the woman is going to be heartbroken because she
settled for what someone else wanted. This is very important to
know ahead of time.
Let’s take another case:
I know of another couple that has been together for 14 years and
they are experiencing this exact same issue right now! In fact, the
one who wants kids is the man and is looking to leave the
relationship because he is now 47 and feels that if he doesn’t have
his own children now, he will be too old to be a good parent. The
woman, who is ten years older than him has kids from a prior
marriage and does not want any more. The man wants someone to
carry on his name. They tell me it is a constant issue in their
relationship.
A lot of people don’t want kids. Let me tell you something: If
someone tells you up front that they don’t want kids, your chances
of convincing them down the road are slim to none. Take people at
their word.
Think of what you want. Won’t it be better if you find someone
right off the bat that has the same long-term interests?
ACTION STEP
Remember that list of adjectives? I’m going to list them once again.
I want you to circle the qualities you want in someone and then I
absolutely want you to write down WHY you want someone with
those qualities!
List of Adjectives
Gutsy
Organized
Creative
Private
Self- Reliant
Funny
Fiery
Intense
Apprehensive
Gorgeous
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Sexy
Logical
Conscientious
Burly
Lively
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Influential
Authentic
Careful
Entertaining
Arrogant
Fun-Loving
Humorous
Educated
Gentle
Inspirational
Genuine
Intelligent
Self-conscious
Thoughtful
Outgoing
Gorgeous
Happy
Whimsical
Even-tempered
Cuddly
Handsome
Nerdy
Balanced
Masculine
Quiet
Risk-Avoider
Zany
Needy
Meticulous
Eccentric
Sensitive
Bold
Friendly
Out There
Determined
Intriguing
Shy
Imaginative
Detailed
Devilish
Articulate
Charming
Mean
Dreamy
Sincere
Helpful
Anxious
Captivating
Powerful
Fun
Brave
Hostile
Introverted
Subjective
Outrageous
Wise
Competitive
Rebellious
Assertive
Capricious
Wacky
Objective
Rational
Healthy
Aloof
Sociable
Energetic
Assertive
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Submissive
Unusual
Ambiguous
Shrewd
Prolific
Rigid
Giving
Serious
Feisty
Loud
Compassionate
Open-minded
Courageous
Adventurous
Indifferent
Passionate
Weird
Inhibited
Conservative
Risk-Seeker
Successful
Kind
Ordinary
Independent
Reliable
Effeminate
Jolly
Alluring
Odd
Knowledgeable
Dapper
Tolerant
Different
Feminine
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Cautious
Obsessive
Bizarre
Childlike
Practical
Honest
Peaceful
Succinct
Opinionated
Fearless
Enthusiastic
Lazy
Positive
Graceful
Dominant
Decisive
Real
Cynical
Enchanting
Geeky
Driven
Sassy
Eloquent
Nice
Savvy
Analytical
Proactive
Smart
Old-Fashioned
Stable
Stable
Bright
Relaxed
Mysterious
Spiritual
Generous
Vivacious
Artistic
Simple
Gifted
Prissy
Deep
Focused
Clever
Warm
Did you circle the qualities you want in someone? Good. Now I
want you to write that quality in a sentence. Sometimes you really
have to look within your heart for the answer.
For example: “I want someone who is decisive because I can’t stand
when someone is wishy-washy and goes back and forth on what
they want.” Use extra paper if you need to. It’s your turn!
ACTION STEP
 Write down a quality you want in someone and why you want
it.
I want someone who is
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because:
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I want someone who is
because:
I want someone who is
because:
I also want you to write about the things you want in someone that
are not on the list of adjectives. For instance you may say:
•
I want someone who lives on their own.
•
I want someone who likes dogs
•
I want someone who likes to travel
Write down a few things that are critical to you. These are the
qualities the person absolutely must have.
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What Don’t You Want?
Sometimes we aren’t sure of what we want, but we do know what
we do NOT want. That is a good starting point.
Make a list of all the things you know you do NOT want in a person,
and then, all you have to do is write the opposite!
Start out with writing simple things that are important to you such
as personal hygiene or whether or not they have pets and then work
your way up to the things you absolutely do not want in a partner.
For instance, here is a list of 10 things I know I do NOT want in
someone and its opposite factor:
What I Don’t Want
The Opposite of What I
Don’t Want
Someone with Bad Breath
Someone with Fresh Breath
Someone with Body Odor
Someone who is Clean Smelling
Someone with no job
Someone with a job
Someone who is dishonest
Someone who is honest
Someone who has never been
out of their hometown
Someone who has traveled out
of his or her hometown.
Someone who is stingy
Someone who is generous
Someone who is petty
Someone who doesn’t sweat the
small stuff
Someone who is not close to
their family
Someone who is family oriented
and gets along with their family
members
Someone who smokes
Someone who does not smoke
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Someone who is boring
Someone who is adventurous
Someone who does drugs
Someone who is drug free
This is just a partial list and I recommend that you come up with at
least 30 things you know you DON’T want and that will give you a
good idea of what you do want.
Don’t worry if you can’t come up with thirty right away. They will
come to you over the next few days. Trust me. When you give your
subconscious a task, it goes to work for you coming up with all
kinds of things it knows you do not want! For now, try to come up
with as many as you can and feel free to use some of the things
from my list.
ACTION STEP
 Use the table below to create your own list of what you don’t
want in a potential mate.
What I Don’t Want
The Opposite of What I
Don’t Want
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Here is the most important part of this exercise: Writing down the
reason WHY you don’t want those things. For instance: I don’t want
someone who is afraid to try new things. Since I am very
adventurous, I could not date someone who didn’t like to try
anything new. I feel like I would be restricted in the activities I could
pursue and they would hold me back. The relationship wouldn’t be
any fun for me because I would always be trying to convince them
to come with me or to go out on a limb or whatever.
ACTION STEP
Go back through the things you wrote and write the reason WHY
you don’t want those things. Obviously you don’t have to write
about the easy stuff like bad breath and body odor. The clearer you
are, the more likely it is that you will attract someone who is closely
aligned to you and your values.
The reason why I don’t want
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is:
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The reason why I don’t want
is:
The reason why I don’t want
is:
Wow! I bet you are a lot clearer on what you want now. This is
going to take you one step closer to finding your soul mate. You
are doing such a great job of discovering who you are and what you
want! I am proud of you!
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Chapter 15
Writing Your Profile
I wish I could play some music right now. Something congratulatory
and upbeat! This is the chapter where you start evaluating some of
the previous answers you gave in the exercises. You are going to
begin incorporating the things you wrote into your Personal Brand,
your Headline and your Profile. This is where all of your creative
writing exercises, top ten lists and all your hard work come into
play.
All to often people just make lists of who they think they are. They
write boring profiles like: “I’m funny, I like to walk on the beach,
share a bottle of wine, hold hands and snuggle.” Yeah, so does
everybody else. That type of profile writing is bland and
unimaginative. It does not jump off the page.
For the past several days, maybe even weeks, you have been
getting to know yourself. You have become a master of YOU. This
is going to enable you to write a concise profile that blends who you
are, what you are looking for and what you like. It is going to be
informative, easy to read and interesting. More than that it is going
to compel someone to CONTACT you!
There is a certain type of person you are looking for and guess
what? There is a certain type of a person that is looking for you! If
you try to be everything to everyone you are setting yourself up for
failure.
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If you don’t understand let me put it this way: Are you 20-year-old
girl looking for an 80-year-old man? I didn’t think so! And if you
are…Whatever floats your boat.
Check Out What Other People Have Written
I want you to get an idea of some of the crappy profiles out there.
Look at them and ask yourself: Does this profile really capture my
interest? Does it stand out? Is it compelling? Does it tell me
something personal? You will begin to see examples of what you
don’t want to do.
Also, I want you to get an idea of who might be looking for you.
Everyone you see is a possible date. Read other people’s profiles.
Get an idea of the types of qualities they are looking for. Do you
think they’d be interested in you? Do you have those qualities?
After assessing all the work you have done, would they be right for
you?
Something To Keep In Mind
There are a lot of people who go “stealth” and they don’t even post
a profile. They just search over the profiles of the members. They
may or may not be a member. If they are a paying member, they
can contact you. You will not be able to see anything about them
so I caution you to give out any personal information to them.
I did know someone who went about browsing online dating sites
like this. She was a corporate attorney and didn’t want her face or
profile floating around the Internet. She did succeed in dating
several people this way and it turned out ok for her and the people
she dated. Apparently she wrote a lengthy letter introducing
herself to her “prospects.” She was a legitimate person with a lot
to offer and she explained in her intro letter why she did not have a
profile.
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The lesson: Don’t rule out that you won’t date ANYONE who
doesn’t have a profile, as there are exceptions to this rule. What it
comes down to: Be open.
The way most people browse dating sites:
Most people type in Men seeking Women or Women Seeking Men.
They type in their zip code and a circumference around it, i.e. within
50 miles. Then they enter an age range and they click, “search
profiles with photos only.”
Voila! A list of hundreds of possible dates pop up! No more
guessing who’s available, no more guessing who’s single! They are
right there in front of you!
There are literally thousands of people online. YOU better stand
out! You only have seconds to gain someone’s attention via your
headshot, your headline, your screen name and that’s about it. You
need to grab them immediately!
Let’s Get Started
Your Screen Name
The first thing that you will need to come up with is a Screen Name.
A screen name is your “Online Identity.”
Because there are now millions of people online, it might be hard to
come up with something original that isn’t already taken. Don’t let
this dissuade you! You can still create a good screen name.
Don’t just come up with some code that won’t mean anything to
anyone else. For instance, would fry1213 mean anything to you?
Who cares if it is your initials and birthday- it doesn’t catch
anyone’s attention. My first screen name was FunnyOneForever.
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I was a Stand Up Comic. It described me and furthermore it told the
viewer something about me: I thought I was funny and I would
continue to be funny even if it was only in my own mind.
I want to give you some examples of some bad screen names I
actually found online.

“EATMESLOW” - Come on- that’s just gross.

“GBJKLM”- what the heck?

“TZ9682”- what the heck?

“BLBLBL”- what the heck?

“IHAUNTYOU”- would you click on this profile? Not me, I
don’t want any stalkers!
Do you see how none of these stand out? Well, except for the first
one, which was a turn off and the last one, which was scary. Screen
names that stand out tell you something about the person. For
instance, good screen names that I saw were:
•
“Veggielover”
•
“Musicdude,”
•
“man4awoman”
•
“gent4u”
•
“Marathonman”
•
“hardworker4u”
•
“searchin4da1”
•
“enjoyinlife2day”
•
“loves2run”
•
“luv2rock”
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Aren’t these a little more original and don’t they tell you something
about the person who wrote them?
*These came from all over the country. I did not look in one specific
area to find these names or on one specific site.
ACTION STEP
Get signed up on the site of your choice and pick a great screen
name that describes you! Be original. Keep experimenting until you
get the one you want. Look at your personal brand statement. Can
you play on those words? Be consistent in how you want to
represent yourself. Take the adjectives that you circled and use
them. Whatever you do, make sure it sends a message about your
personality and is memorable.
Your Headline
Your headline is the first thing people will see besides your headshot
and screen name. Your headline is just that: A headline.
Did you ever read a newspaper? Did you ever browse the headlines
and not read an article because the headline didn’t sound
interesting? That is exactly what people are doing to your profile.
They are skipping it because your headline didn’t grab their
attention.
Someone out there could be your perfect partner but they will never
know because they have just passed you up. What you are going to
do now is work on creating the perfect headline for you.
Don’t write stuff like, “Quiet man seeks same.” That’s just boring.
I was giving a seminar about 2 years ago on this topic and a straight
man actually came up with this headline. Knowing he was straight I
said, “So you are a quiet man seeking another quiet man.” He got
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flustered and said “No! I’m straight.” I said, “Well, that’s not what
your headline says.” He got the point.
Here’s some advice to keep in mind when coming up with your
headline:
 Don’t be general- “Girl looking for love.” We are ALL looking
for love- that is why we are on the site!
 Don’t be crude- “Gives good head.” That sounds like an ad for
a prostitute.
 Don’t be egoistic- “Best-looking guy around.” You will turn
people off, plus if you aren’t as good looking as you claim you
will just get dismissed.
Here’s something I suggest- go online and start reading other
people’s headlines but don’t do it in your city. In fact pick a
different state. Start paying attention to the headlines you like.
What catches your interest or makes you smile? What did the
headline say that made you click on the profile?
Come up with something that describes your personality. If you like
to cook but are on the eclectic side write something like, “Not Your
Momma’s Betty Crocker.”
If you are a plumber or a construction worker write something like,
“Handy with tools, know about jewels.”
Examples of Bad Headlines
These are actual headlines I found on dating sites. They are pretty
bad:
• “Duh” (Why any idiot would write this I have no idea.)
• “I’d like to meet someone.” (Yeah, so would everyone else!)
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• “Looking for a best friend.” (No, you’re not, you are looking
for a lover, date or relationship. You don’t sleep with your
friends!)
• “Hope to hear from you.” (Keep hoping because this sounds
desperate.)
• “Help me to get loved.” (What?)
• “Let’s do some fun stuff.” (Oh boy, you sound exciting.)
• “I need an awesome man.” (If you NEED anyone, you’re
probably nothing but drama.)
• “I’ve been looking for you.” (No you haven’t.)
• “Must love dogs.” (This is so OLD! Do not use it!)
In one city I actually found four people with the same headline! It
read: “Where are you?” Do you see what I mean about being
original? It probably did not take much thought to come up with
that line!
Pick Up a Newspaper
Words in print are hard to sell. They have to scream at you from a
page and grab your attention. I suggest you pick up the paper and
ignore the articles. Concentrate on the headlines. Which ones do
you notice? Which one’s didn’t you notice? Did you skim over them
without a second glance? Did they pique your interest? Why not?
Were they were flat, uninteresting or bland?
Look at the ones that did get your attention. The ones that made
you want to read more. Notice the editor’s play on words. What
made them stand out? What made them unique or interesting?
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ACTION STEP

Skim profiles and read headlines.

Read headlines in a newspaper.

Write a good headline for yourself.
Write your headline here:
*Are you still having a hard time coming up with something catchy
and fun? Do you remember when I had you pick a personal brand?
This is where your knowledge of your personal brand is going to
come in handy. In fact, I want you to take the three-word Personal
Brand you created on Page 167 or 168 and actually use it as your
headline! That’s right! See I told you all that work would pay off.
ACTION STEP
Write your three word personal brand as your headline:
Let’s Get To Work On Writing “About You.”
When writing your profile: I am a believer that more is better.
Some people will disagree with me about this. But the one thing
that I consistently hear is that people like to know a little more
about someone. It’s really not all about, “Look at me I have a nice
picture, wouldn’t you like to have sex with me?”
Some people say they like it short and sweet, that if people want to
know more they can find out later. Why not get them interested
now? Get them to contact you today!
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Some men tell me that all men have short attention spans. This is
not true. Did you ever read The Lord of the Rings? It has over
1200 pages and over 150 million copies have been sold so I don’t
want to hear how men have short attention spans when it comes to
reading. I can’t believe that only women read The Lord of the Rings.
If people are interested in something they will read it and the same
goes for your profile!
Grab Attention
You really only have one chance to grab someone. Do you think
they are going to send you an email if all you write is: “I’m a
brunette, I like dogs, and I’ve been to Yosemite and Key West. I’m a
good cook and I like to shop.” Oh Boy! That was compelling! But
people do it. Don’t believe me? Go online and check it out for
yourself.
When you are reading profiles over and over and over a dull
description is not going to pop. Most people know how to cook
even if it is just hot dogs. Most women like to shop. 3/4 of the
people on the planet have brunette hair or some form of brown and
a good percentage have been to some national park somewhere and
have vacationed in another state. This profile is not extraordinary!
This profile is blah, boring, and tiresome! Next!
Unique Experiences
Everyone has some things that they have experienced in their
lifetime that really changed the course of their lives. These are the
things that make you human. No one has gotten out of this world
without some tragedy.
Do you know why everyone loves Oprah? Because she is honest
and she has shared her trials and tribulations with the world. Even if
you don’t like Oprah, you have to give her credit for being REAL.
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That is what people want: Someone real, someone they can identify
with, someone who might understand them. People want to see
that you have faced some trials and tribulations. People will
respond more to the tragic things that have happened to you more
than they will respond to the “fluff” about you.
Tragedy is what sells newspapers, makes headlines and what the
news is made up of. Turn on your TV. What are the channels
leading with? They lead with murder, fire, killings, abuse, rape, etc.
I am not suggesting that you write like that, but if all you write is:
“This is good about me, and this is great about me, and another fun
thing about me is…bla bla bla.” Wow, well, you sound like every
other person out there that thinks they are just swell.
What have you experienced in your life that has really made an
impact on you?
•
Did your house burn down when you were 30?
•
Did your brother die when you were 17?
•
Were you almost killed in a reality show?
What hardships have you faced?
You need to reach deep inside of yourself and find something that
others will connect with or will identify with. A predominant reason
that one of my dates contacted me is that my profile stated that I
had felt the loss of a loved one. My dates’ Dad just died 2 weeks
before that and my comment stood out.
What’s REAL about you?
ACTION STEP
List some of the tragedies that you have faced in life:
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Get Your Adventures On The Page
By listing some of the adventures you have had in your life, you
make your profile come alive. Do you know why Indiana Jones was a
blockbuster? People like to be thrilled. By listing some adventurous
things you have done it is going to make you more appealing and
not seem like some bump on the log.
Listing the location of the adventure will bring it to life. If you just
write, “I’ve been skiing.” People’s brains will skim right over that
without giving it a second thought. By stating the location you
actually trigger the part of the brain that pictures things. People
can imagine someone skiing in Breckinridge. By being specific you
engage them. While they may have never been to Colorado, they
will imagine a giant snow covered mountain and you skiing down it.
•
Have you gone white water rafting in Chile?
•
Did you go spelunking in Slovenia?
•
Did you ski in Breckinridge?
•
Have you climbed Mt. Everest?
•
Did you scuba dive in Cozumel?
•
Have you swum with the dolphins in the Bahamas?
•
Have you been to Chichen Itza and scaled the pyramids?
•
Did you go to the opera house in Sydney?
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ACTION STEP
 Write down at least five things that you have done that are
specific and adventurous. If you have more write more.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
“But I have never done anything exciting like that!” You probably
just don’t know that some of the things you have done were
interesting. Even something as simple as, “I drove through the
Badlands” will trigger brain activity. In your lifetime you have done
MANY things that will make you come alive. You just didn’t know
they were exciting. You can think of a few. Just make sure you
name a location and make them specific.
50 Things You Have Done In Your Lifetime
I want you to write down 50 things that you have done in your life.
Yes 50. You’d be surprised at all the things you have accomplished
in your life. It can be anything from:
•
Rode a motorcycle
•
Went fishing
•
Went hiking
•
Went dancing
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•
Ran a marathon
•
Owned a business
•
Went to Egypt
•
Was in the Peace Corps
•
Drove a racecar
•
Flew an airplane
You get the idea now come up with your own list. Go to your
workbook and do it now.
Don’t continue reading until you have done this.
ACTION STEP

50 Things I Have Done:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
Continue in workbook or write on your own paper!
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Ok, did you write 50 things? Now come up with 50 more! “What?
50 more?” YES
“Why?” Because you probably overlooked some things you forgot
about. I am challenging you to think about the things you have
done in your life!
No, this is not a writing class. You want to give yourself every
opportunity to stand out. I bet you are going to be a lot happier
once you can look back over your list of 100 things you have
accomplished in your lifetime. Most people say they have never
done anything significant- well that’s because they don’t have a
record of all the things they have already done!
What’s the point of this? To see what can possibly distinguish you
from everyone else and also, once you have your list of 100, you
have a variety of things to talk about on a date instead of, “I was
born in Chicago, I have a brother and a sister, my dad worked on the
railroad, bla bla bla.” Boring!
Don’t come back here until you write 50 more things you have
done. If you feel you can’t get to 100, which I know you can, write
things like:

Rode a bicycle

Jumped rope

Played Hopscotch

Played ice hockey

Threw a baseball

Played football

Went to college
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
Worked in a retail store

Made a quilt

Sold hotdogs at a hotdog stand
These examples are things a lot of people have done. The purpose
here is to get your juices flowing. I just gave you 10 more examples
and chances are you might have done at least one of those things!
ACTION STEP
 Write down 50 more things you have done in your lifetime.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
Continue in Workbook.
Place a Star Next To Your Fondest Memories
Now I want you to look through your list and but a star next to the
things that gave you your greatest memories.
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 Did that cross-country trip with your sister and your cousin
bring back memories? Put a star next to it!
 Did crossing the finish line of your first marathon give you a
feeling of pride? Good, put a star next to it.
 Did that fishing trip with your Dad bring a tear to your eye?
Good, put a star next to it!
ACTION STEP

Put a star next to the things that gave you great
memories
Create An Outline
Now write down your top 5 fondest memories and write the
subtopics that made it memorable.
For example: Write down the event:
Traveling cross-country with sister and cousin.
Write down the subtopics that you remember about the event:
a. Pretending we were the three stooges
b. Going to Yellowstone together
c. Lighting off fireworks and starting a field on fire
d. Getting lost in Wyoming among the cowboys and seeing a
stampede of cows
e. “The Pony Hotel”
f. “The Exorcist”
g. Talking about our childhood and growing up
Ok, now there are some things on that list that only you are going
to know that no one else is going to understand. That’s fine, you
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won’t use every item and I’m glad I was able to bring back fond
memories.
Go ahead and write your list of memories. Do not come back until
you are finished. You may need extra paper for this.
ACTION STEP


Write down your top 5 fondest memories.
Write down the subtopics you remember for each one.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
GO TO WORKBOOK
Why is this going to help you?
Let’s take a look at what an average person would write on their
profile: “I’ve been to Yellowstone, I like fireworks and I’m close with
my family.”
Now that you’ve done the exercises in this eBook you have a lot
more to work with than that. It is going to sound a LOT more
interesting when you write:
“One of my fondest memories was going on a cross-country trip
with my sister and my cousin. We drove through Wyoming and
almost got trampled by a stampede of cattle. When we got to
Yellowstone we almost got taken out by a geyser. We had a lot of
fun pretending we were the three stooges and I’m sure glad we
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didn’t burn down the field in Washington when we were lighting off
those fireworks.”
Or you could just write that boring sentence you saw above. It’s up
to you. Which one would keep your interest?
Let’s break this down even further. What has this paragraph just
told someone?
 You have traveled SOMEWHERE.
 You are adventurous.
 You value Mother Nature and natural beauty.
 You are close with your family and have fond memories of
them.
 You are exciting-You like fireworks.
 You are a thrill seeker.
 You have seen something that most have not- a herd of
stampeding cattle
 You have a sense of humor- you like the Three stooges
 You are goofy
 You are a risk taker-You almost burned down a field
You have said a lot about your personality without saying it. Writing
in this manner will make your profile a lot more personable. In doing
so, you are letting people in on a piece of your life.
The average boring profile will say: “I’m adventurous, I’m funny, I
take risks and I am a thrill seeker.”
Yeah, so is everyone else. This is…Boring. Boring. Boring.
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You didn’t have to tell anyone though. The readers mind formed
these opinions of you being exciting, funny and adventurous all on
their own.
In Hollywood, they don’t tell you an alien is going to come from
another planet and someone is going to battle it to save the world.
They SHOW you the ugly creature, they take you on a journey, they
let you experience the hero battling for his life and then let you
form your own opinion of the film.
People like to get engaged in a movie. They want to be in on the
action. Why not let the person reading your profile experience a
little piece of the movie of your life? Let them form their own
opinions of you. If you have to tell someone you are funny and
adventurous chances are you are not.
ACTION STEP
It’s time to take the pieces of your top 5 fondest memories and
turn them into action movies! Ok, Ok, This is not Men in Black but
why not create a little mini drama for each of your top five.
You don’t have to write: “My fondest memory” at the beginning of
each one. For instance, let’s say one of the items you have starred
is: Rode a motorcycle.
You can write: “I love the way the wind hits my face and the feeling
of my hair whipping through the air as I ride my Harley through the
picturesque canyons at dusk”.
Wow! You just got a sense of being along for the ride didn’t you?
Sounds better than: “I like to ride motorcycles.” Remember:
Always paint a picture for them. Let them in on the action. Also,
know your audience. Write for them. If you want to attract a
rugged burly guy, you may want to write:
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“I love the feeling of the leather wrapped around my legs and the
feeling of sweat dripping between my cleavage as I ride my Harley
down the open desert highway.”
That sentence will attract a different type of man than the one
above. It is also semi-erotic. Work with his senses and manhood.
Why not? It got your attention didn’t it?
Begin to experience the action of your memory. Not- “I like river
rafting,” but:
“I got soaked as the cold waves of water crashed over me when our
raft plunged through Tunnel Chute last summer on the American
River.”
ACTION STEP

Take your top 5 fondest memories and turn them into
action movies!
I’m Not A Writer, Why Do I have To Write Like That?
Why are you writing this way? Perhaps someone reading your
profile also went river rafting or motorcycle riding at some point in
his or her life. You will be bringing their memories up for them and
triggering their own awesome experiences. This will get them
engaged in what you are writing. You are saying, “Hey, I like
adventure! I like to try new things, I am open and free” without
SAYING it. They will be thinking: “Hey, Me too!”
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I’m not saying you need to run out and buy a motorcycle or go
whitewater rafting or get run over by a herd of cattle, but having a
few unique experiences peppering your profile will keep them
reading.
Know What You are After
Different types of people often value different parts of an
experience. Not everyone will write: “I relish the pungent aroma of
the tantalizing sauce as it wafts to my nose.” If you are a chef or
are looking to attract a chef that’s one thing. Don’t get carried
away. Keep it simple. Describe a scene- don’t try to become a poet
or write a novel.
Keep it clean. This is not amateur erotica for dummies. They hire
people to write Penthouse Letters. If you’re not one of them, don’t
be too imaginative.
You’re not going to write your whole life story, but pick a few things
from your list and bring them to life! If you need help you can
always contact my office. We are more than willing to help you
write your profile through our coaching program!
Write About Your Likes/Hobbies
Remember when you wrote about your hobbies on pages 122-123?
I want you to take your three favorite hobbies or things to do and
use them in a descriptive sentence.
For example, if you chose hiking as one of your favorite things to
do, instead of writing. “I like to hike.” You might say, “I once went
hiking on Camelback Mountain and almost got bit by a rattlesnake.”
Instead of writing “I like to fly airplanes.” You might write, “ My
grandpa took me flying when I was a little girl and I loved the feeling
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of floating in the air overlooking the beautiful landscape below. I
now fly once a week and take the memories of my grandpa with
me.”
Instead of writing, “I like to cook.” You might write, “My homemade
BBQ sauce is so delicious that I entered it into the Chicago Rib Cookoff and won!”
Do you see the difference? The first line is flat and the second
describes your hobby and brings it to life! You don’t have to make
this into a mini-movie like your memories. When you relate a
memory you are telling a story. When you talk about the things you
like to do, just brighten them up a little.
ACTION STEP
•
Write down your three favorite likes or hobbies and bring
them to life.
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Incorporate Your Adjectives
Remember when you circled all those adjectives that you said
described you? Well, here’s how you are going to use them. One of
the worst things people do when writing a profile is write a list of
adjectives. They say: “I’m smart and funny and interesting and loyal
and kind and bla bla bla.” I am going to shoot myself now!
The writing style you are beginning to learn is going to say all of
those adjectives without naming them. You have already begun to
see a difference. You have so many wonderful things to put into
your profile now in such an interesting way that people will keep
reading.
If you feel that there are any adjectives that describe you or your
personal brand, now is the time to bring them to life! Just go
through your list of 100 things and choose one of them that
incorporates an adjective you want to use. Always bring yourself to
life.
Become Marketable!
You have to write the interesting anecdotes, you have to post the
engaging headshot, and you have to come up with the catchy
headline and original screen name! You have market yourself so you
will stand out and shine!
Imagine you are an item in a grocery store competing for shelf
space. Do you want to get pushed to the bottom because your
brand isn’t marketable?
Do you want a shopper to pick up a competing product because it
had better advertising? You’re just as good a product aren’t you?
It doesn’t matter. You just got passed over. That is why
companies spend millions and millions and millions on advertising,
brand reinforcement and packaging…so someone will reach for their
product! You need to do the same with your profile.
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Structuring Your Profile
Always write the most important thing you want to convey about
yourself in the first sentence. Write it as if you were talking to
someone. What do you want them to know about you? Some
people only read the first paragraph of a profile and then move on if
it does not capture their attention. You have to entice them to
read more!
Write something about your family or where you are from in the
next paragraph. This makes you REAL. Everyone has a family and
comes from somewhere. Interject a quick story. One to two
sentences max! Make it relevant. Don’t just say, “I have a Mom and
Dad and a sister.” Yeah, so what? Tell the reader something about
how you interact with your family. “I am very close with my
wonderful family…I love my four year old son…My sister is my best
friend,” etc.
The next paragraph should highlight a few of your adventures. “I
got soaked as the waves of water crashed over me…I went kayaking
in the Bahamas…I loved the Temple of Apollo in Greece,” etc.
Incorporate some of your likes, hobbies and personal interests into
the next paragraph. “I am not afraid to spend money on something
I want like great seats to a concert or an upgrade at a hotel or a day
at the spa.”
The next paragraph should contain your Unique Experience story.
The “I almost got run over by a herd of cattle…”story.
In the next paragraph tell the reader something you are passionate
about. “I ran two marathons and raised thousands of dollars for
AIDS. It was REALLY hard too! My Uncle Mickey died from AIDS in
the early 80's and I ran in his memory.”
At the end, have a CALL TO ACTION! This tells the reader to do
something! Ask them to contact you. “Would you like to join me
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on my next adventure? Send me a line.” “ If you've read this far
you might as well say hi!” “Say hello, I like meeting new people!” “I
look forward to your email.” Whatever. Make it your own, but make
sure you include it.
Remember: AIDA: Attention, Interest, Desire, Action.
• Get their attention.
• Create interest so they keep reading.
• Create a desire for them to contact you.
• Ask them to actually take action.
Write as much as you feel is pertinent, but you must include the
elements we went over in the eBook. Try to write like you talk so
that you sound conversational. Throw out that English book from
the third grade that taught you flat, static writing and speak to
someone’s heart or funny bone or whatever.
Tips You Need To Know
• Make your profile personal. Write it as if you were writing to a
friend.
• Would you let your Mother read it? If not, don’t write it.
• Check for spelling and punctuation. Use a word processing
program like Microsoft Word or Apple Pages or whatever.
Don’t just post your profile without spellchecking and looking
at your grammar.
• Make sure you break up your paragraphs. Don’t just write on
and on and on. It is easier to read and helps someone scan
down to find the things of interest.
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• Everything in your profile must be true. Don’t make things up!
• Do not capitalize every word.
• Do not use abbreviations for words. Spell them out.
• Don’t use “text speak.” I.e.- How R U? I am the 1 4 U. U R
Gr8.
Don’t Be Negative
One More thing: The most important rule is: NO Negativity! None!
• Not how your last girlfriend cheated on you.
• Not how your last boyfriend took all the money in the breakup.
• Not how you wish you were taller.
• Not how you have debts to pay off.
• Not how your car just broke down, you have a few pounds to
lose; your ex is in prison for murder…NOTHING
This is not the place to air your grievances! Get a counselor or a go
to a shrink. If you truly want to meet someone and get a date
today then you have to be the person that people want to date! No
one likes listening to people complain and your profile is no
exception!
The Finishing Touches
• Make your writing style your own. If you don’t like mine, no
big deal, but take the concepts and use them.
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• Be authentic. Always write from truth. If you are trying to
make something up or be someone you are not, people will
know.
• Know what makes you special and unique and highlight those
things.
• Find “your voice.” You are the only one who views the world
in the manner you do. What’s your take on something?
• Always write for your audience, your “ideal date.” What do
you really want them to know about you?
• Have a point of view. With a little practice, you will have a
dynamic, compelling profile.
Below is an excerpt from a profile I read. I changed a few things to
conceal the identity of the guy posting the profile:
“Hi, I’m Bill. I like sexy women. I’m really handsome. Some of the
things I like to do: BBQ, hang out, go dancing, go to parties, and
HAVE FUN! I like a chick who is hot. She should be able to go to
parties and look good in a bikini. The sexier the better. We’ll have
some fun together.”
There are lots of profiles out there like this! Do NOT let yours be
one of them. This is way to short, does not give enough
information about the guy and also makes him sound like a complete
idiot whose usual companion is his right hand. With all the
information you now have, I’d have to shoot myself if I saw you
writing your profile like this.
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Chapter 16
Getting Online
You have done all the work required of you in this eBook. I am
proud of you. Now is the time to get online and post your profile.
Let’s go over some of the benefits of looking for love online.
1.
There are over 43 million people who use online dating
services.
2.
Online dating is a better and quicker way of connecting with
other people and getting to know them.
3.
You can see hundreds of profiles of the available people on
a dating site.
4.
You can read about someone you are interested in with just
a click of the mouse.
5.
You have unlimited possibilities to meet people. In the
traditional dating scene, you either have to go out to a bar,
attend a social function, meet someone at work or get
hooked up by one of your friends with someone they know.
Traditional dating is pretty limiting.
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Online dating is also:
• Anonymous- meaning someone doesn’t ever have to know
your real name; address or phone number and you can
continue to email him or her without them knowing your
private information.
• Convenient- you can do it from your own home. You can be
sitting in your underwear or pajamas and big fuzzy slippers
without putting on a lick of makeup.
• Inexpensive- most sites only cost around $25 a month- no
more bar bills or trips to a club and leaving empty handed.
You have more opportunities than ever before to find and meet the
love of your life. I think online dating is one of the best things to
have hit the 21st century. It is the way of the future and with each
passing day more and more people are jumping online to find love.
I recommend joining 2 or 3 sites. Why? You want as many people
as possible to view your ad. It’s called exposure. If all you do is
pick one site with 100 members, you might get lucky but the odds
are against you. Why limit yourself? You can post the same profile
and headshot on every site to increase your chances of meeting the
person you are the most compatible with. If you find it to be
overwhelming you can cut back on the number of sites you are on
later.
Choosing a Dating Site
There are literally hundreds of dating sites out there. Some of them
are just for straight people, some of them are just for gay people
and some of them are for both gay and straight people.
There are a number of factors to consider when selecting which
service to subscribe to. They all charge a monthly fee and usually
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will let you browse their membership for free. I would recommend
checking out at least five different sites and see who is actually
using the service.
Here are some things to consider:
The Type of Site.
Sometimes online dating sites attract people just looking for a
hookup. That is fine if that is what you want. Some of them are
more like prostitution ads. Some of the members don’t even show
their faces on the profile. You can get a pretty good idea of what
someone wants if they only post a picture of their boobs or their
ass.
If you are genuinely looking to find a life partner or someone who
actually wants to be in a relationship, then you need to browse a
few of the more serious sites. You will know right away what type
of site it is when you start looking at and reading members profiles.
It can be quite amusing actually.
The Number of Subscribers.
This is more important than cost and just slightly less important
than the type of site. When you find a legitimate relationship site,
you want to know the number of active subscribers. It is not going
to do you any good to join a site where 70% of the members are
inactive.
You must be careful because there are a lot of sites that allow you
to join for free and post a profile but when you want to start
corresponding with members, you must then pay the monthly fee. A
lot of people who have “posted profiles” drop out at this point
because they don’t want to pay the fee, but their profiles remain on
the site. Thus: They are inactive.
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A good way to determine this is to see how active someone has
been. Basically, when is the last time they logged on? The site
should tell you. For instance, it may say: FunnyOneForever: Active
in over 3 weeks. That is a pretty good indication that the member
is inactive.
Also, there are a lot of sites where the members have only posted a
short profile- maybe a paragraph or so and most of the members
don’t have photos! Skip these sites. Most of the people on there
are “looky-loos” and aren’t paying members. If you are serious
about meeting someone than you have to go where other people
are serious about meeting someone. You have to find the sites that
have the most pictures posted and the most in depth profiles.
Cost.
Stay away from “free” sites. You will find that the people on the
free sites usually have only stopped by once and made a quick
profile or that the people online are pretty…desperate, shall we say.
To find serious candidates you need to pay a monthly or quarterly
fee. They usually range from $9.00 per month -$40.00 a month
and some are more expensive than that. Some offer a reduced fee
the more months you subscribe so it might make sense for you to
join for three months at a time. If you just want to test out the site
than by all means, pay the monthly fee and see what types of
members are on the site.
What Types Of Questions Do Most Sites Ask?
What should you expect when you get online? On many dating
websites they are going to ask you a variety of things that will
usually include:
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•
Age Range
•
Geographic Location
•
Ethnicity
•
Body type
•
Personality
•
Income
•
Education
•
Religion
•
Marital Status
•
Interests
•
Turn on’s
•
Turn off’s
You don’t have to answer every question that is asked. When you
are browsing other people’s profiles, be open. The pickier you are
the harder it is going to be to meet someone.
Some comments about a few of the parameters:
Age range. While you may not want to meet a 90-year-old, you
don’t want to limit yourself to a narrow parameter either. For
instance, you don’t want to input the age range of 26-28, which I
have seen some people do.
How do you know Mr. or Ms. Right is not one year out of your age
range? How do you know who really is out of your range? My Mom
married a guy 10 years younger than her. He was 28. She was 38.
That was 20 years ago. So, don’t think age difference doesn’t work
both ways for everyone. Meow Cougars!
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Be a little more flexible and try to give yourself at least a 10-year
cushion both ways. For instance if you are 37, you may want to
input the parameter of 27-47. That allows you to search people ten
years younger than you and ten years older than you and it will also
tell someone searching that you don’t want anyone younger than
27 or older than 47. You may set any parameter you want, but the
wider the better.
Geographic location. “Searching for someone within X amount
of miles.” Depending on where you live, this is going to be a
different variable. If you live in Elgin, IL you can travel 40 miles and
you have a reasonable expectation that you might make it to your
location in an hour. If you live in Los Angeles, CA going anywhere
40 miles away will probably take you 1.5 hours and if it is rush hour
it will take you two or more hours!
You need to be realistic about how far you are willing to travel to
get a date! I also do not advocate a parameter of 100 miles. That
is just silly. Do you want a relationship or do you want a chat
buddy? I’d say to limit your circumference to 50 miles. Be realistic
about how far you are willing to go for dinners and movies during
the middle of the week once you actually DO start dating!
Body Type. Be honest. You don’t want to write that you are a
fat blob, but you also don’t want to write that you are skinny if you
are not. Be honest about this because you will only disappoint
someone if you are not.
When you are describing the body type of your ideal mate you want
to give yourself a little more leeway and cast a wider net. Let me
tell you what is a turn off: I have read so many ads that are just
looking for people who are athletic and toned.
If everyone were athletic and toned there wouldn’t be a Hollywood
or a fashion model industry. The reason most celebrities stand out
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is because they are the exception, not the rule. The average
American does not look like Ashton Kutcher or Demi Moore! That is
why most of us ogle them and dream about them!
I am not going to respond to someone who has limited their
parameters to “Athletic and toned” because I don’t fit those
parameters. I am not saying to give up your standards of the type
of body you desire in a mate but for all you know the person of your
dreams is 15 pounds overweight and now you just scared them off
by being so picky!
Income. Don’t disclose your income. That is no one’s business
but yours. You don’t want people liking you for your money do
you? Well, maybe you do. At any rate, if you are looking at
someone’s profile, how do you know that they are not the love of
your life even though they don’t make $150,000? Be open.
Education. Is it important to you that someone has a college
degree? Maybe it is but keep in mind that some of the most
successful people in the world didn’t have a college degree. Look at
Bill Gates, Michael Dell, Mrs. Fields, Mary Kay Ash, Richard Branson
and Steve Jobs! Just because someone went to college doesn’t
mean they are smart and just because they didn’t doesn’t mean
they are dumb. I saw one lady who limited herself to only wanting
people to contact her who had graduate degrees! She is really
being picky and probably not getting a lot of people contacting her!
When looking for someone:
Be realistic.
We often think we want someone just like us. We like who we are
so we assume we would like someone who is similar. That’s not
always so. For instance: I am outgoing and gregarious with a big
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personality. When I dated someone who was just like that all we did
was argue. It was like a battle for the spotlight.
Not only that but it seemed like we were constantly attending one
event after another since we both had huge social networks. It got
tiring being out all the time. The relationship was literally
exhausting.
When looking for a relationship: Look for someone who will
compliment you. If you have a busy schedule, you probably need
someone whose schedule isn’t so busy. If you have a huge
personality, you probably need someone a little more reserved. If
you are needy, you need to find someone who is giving and vice
versa.
By now, you should know what kind of personality matches yours
and what doesn’t. Don’t be the kind of person who makes the same
mistakes over and over and over.
Online dating is a great way to meet new people, have some fun and
meet someone you are compatible with. This is your opportunity to
go out with different types of people. Experiment. Choose
someone you might not have ever considered dating…you never
know where it may lead. No one said you have to have sex with
them or marry them. You are giving yourself a chance to expand
your horizons.
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Chapter 17
Excuses
You have all the tools you need to get online and find love. You
know how to market yourself, you know how to brand yourself, and
you have gotten new clothes and a new hairstyle and new photos
taken. But there is something holding you back: You. You may be
thinking, “What if no one will like me?” or “I’m not good enough.” Or
“I’m overweight and people won’t be attracted to me.”
You will always have excuses for not doing something. Let’s take a
look at one of those excuses: Your weight, for instance.
“I’ll wait until I lose weight.”
I’ll be honest. I weighed 223 pounds when I went on Match.com.
That’s right. 223 you read it right. Now you might be imagining a
huge overweight elephant but let me tell you, I do carry it well.
Perhaps it was riding my bike for hours on end when I was a kid or
all that military training that told me to hold my head up high- who
knows.
One thing I do know for sure is that my weight NEVER affected my
ability to meet someone, and yours doesn’t have to affect you
either. It is your attitude about yourself that will determine, more
than anything else, who you will meet and if you meet anyone at all.
You can be great looking but if you have a poor attitude or low self
esteem you won’t get anywhere.
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I had an acquaintance who once told me, “No offense but...” The
minute someone says, “no offense,” they are about to offend you.
To continue she said, “No offense but I don’t know how all these
people always like you, you know, being so overweight and all.”
Yes, she just came right out and said it! I just looked at her and
responded to her crude remark and said, “Hello, in case you haven’t
noticed I have a GREAT personality, and if you think people being
attractive to others is all about looks you have another thing
coming...besides, have you seen my face?” I stared right into her
eyes and shot her a “Fuck you” look.
I continued to have date after date after date while she remained
single for years on end. Is it any surprise? So don’t give me, the
“Well, I am going to wait until I have lost 10 pounds” excuse. Look
yourself in the mirror and say, “In all lifetimes there has never been
anyone like you! You are original, unique, beautiful and someone out
there can’t wait to meet you!”
When you believe you are a catch, you will be.
Instead of putting yourself down and repeating your negative
qualities over and over, just keep repeating your positive qualities
over and over and over. You are probably an awesome individual
with a lot to offer and there is no one else like you!
Be yourself. Be original. Be unique. Stop trying to fit into other
people’s molds or definition of what you should be. You shouldn’t
be anyone other than you. And if that means that you are 100
pounds overweight like I was, well, then you need to accept that
and love yourself anyway!
Get busy with these steps and then enroll in a fitness plan if that will
make you feel better. Being overweight hasn’t stopped me from
dating anyone and it shouldn’t stop you either!
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Remember when I wrote that I got over 2000 hits on my profile? I
was at the heaviest point in my life in those pictures but my
attitude came through.
It is attitude that people are attracted to first! And if they don’t
like you so what? There are 6 BILLION people in this world. Move
on! There is someone out there who will like you just the way you
are!
Self-Limiting Beliefs
One of the things that may be stopping you from finding your true
love is your own self-limiting beliefs about what you feel you
deserve.
A self limiting belief is a belief that you impose on yourself that you
can’t achieve something or you aren’t good enough or smart
enough or good looking enough to attain the things in your life that
you desire.
Remember that “friend” of mine who thought that I was too
overweight to be attracting the kind of people I was attracting into
my life? She had self-limiting beliefs about herself that prevented
her from believing that she could attract good-looking people and
she imposed those beliefs about herself onto me. Her belief was
that people aren’t attracted to overweight women.
She couldn’t believe it was possible for people to be attracted to
me. She saw me as overweight and unattractive because that is
how she saw herself. People impose their beliefs onto others all the
time and you need to be aware of it. Don’t fall into the trap of
letting others determine what might be for you.
On a side note: Around that same time I was preparing to run a
marathon to raise money for AIDS. I had yet another woman who
would not donate to the cause because she didn’t think I would
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make it. She quite bluntly told me she thought that I was too out
of shape and overweight to run a marathon. Well guess what? Not
only did I run one marathon, I ran two and I raised over $8000 in the
process to fight AIDS. So that just goes to show what you are
capable of when you believe in yourself. I believed I could finish the
26.2-mile marathon and no amount of weight on my body would
stop me and it didn’t.
In order to find the love you are seeking you must believe that you
deserve it and that you are attractive and desirable. If you have to
say it over and over and over to believe it than that is what you
have to do.
You have to believe no matter what that someone out there will
want to be with you. You need to set a goal and you need to be
willing to do certain things that you might not normally do. In other
words you have to step out of your comfort zone. I firmly believe
that when you get out of your own way, great things will happen for
you.
Your self-concept determines everything that will happen for you in
your life. It is the master program of your mind. Your self-concept
is made up of all of your beliefs, attitudes and opinions about
yourself, whether positive or negative. When you change your selfconcept you will change your world.
ACTION STEP
What are some self-limiting beliefs that may have held you back in
the past from finding true love?
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What are you going to do to change your self-concept?
• Go to the mirror right now, smile at yourself and notice how
attractive you are. Maybe it is your eyes, or your lips or the
shape of your eyebrows. Maybe it is your hair or the color of
your skin. See yourself as beautiful and desirable. Say, “I love
you,” out loud.
Another exercise I suggest is that you close your eyes and imagine
yourself with your ideal date. Imagine that you are having fun
together and laughing together, in fact you should smile while you
imagine it and laugh out loud. It may feel awkward at first but when
you do it in the privacy of your own home over and over it will
become natural.
Imagine walking down the street holding hands and windowshopping together. Imagine it is a bright beautiful day and the birds
are chirping. The smells coming from a nearby restaurant waft to
your nose. “Let’s get a bite to eat.” You might say. You enter the
restaurant and sit down. As you are seated across from him or her
you gaze into their eyes and say, “I am so happy you are in my life.”
Feel the sense of contentment you have. Repeat this scene over
and over or come up with your own. Do it every day until you meet
that special someone.
When your mind believes that it is possible it will be.
You have learned EVERY tool to market yourself online…there is
someone waiting to read your ad…you are perfect for them- believe
it!
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Chapter 18
Online Dating Do’s and Don’ts
DO’S
Do keep your target audience in mind.
Think of yourself as the hot product that people can’t wait to get.
You are not marketing to everyone so keep it targeted to those you
want to meet. For instance, even though Elmo was the hot toy at
one point didn’t mean we were all going to go out and buy it. It was
targeted towards kids. On the same note, you aren’t going to go
out and buy a three year old a Mercedes. Remember: You have a
target audience and you should write your profile for them.
Do look at this as an opportunity to get in front of as
many people as possible.
Put your best foot forward, hold your head up and believe that you
are going to meet someone special. Maybe you’ll even meet a few
friends along the way. There are many people online who want to
connect, go on a few dates and meet other people. Don’t limit
yourself to a love connection. If you see someone online that you
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think might make a good friend, send him or her a message and let
them know!
Do have a sense of humor.
One of the number one requirements of people searching for a
partner is that they have a sense of humor. Why? Because no one
wants to be around a stick in the mud. People take themselves too
seriously. They don’t laugh enough or enjoy silly things. They have
become too “adult.”
We never really stopped being a kid, we just forgot about it.
Remember those carefree days of laughing with your friends, playing
hopscotch or jumping rope? My brothers and his friends used to
catch frogs, climb trees and light their farts on fire.
I believe people have become so “mature” that they forgot the joy
in being alive. I am not advocating that you bring a frog on your
first date or go to a jump rope class, but what I am suggesting is
that you lighten up. Don’t be so rigid and institutional.
On the other side of the coin: Don’t try to make someone laugh if
you are not really funny. There is nothing worse than a bad or illtimed joke or someone who forces their personality. There aren’t
too many people who are truly funny. I didn’t say to be a stiff, but
what I am saying is that you know the limits of your personality.
A sense of humor really means: Don’t take everything so seriously.
After all, you only have one life, so what’s the point? We’re all
going to die some day you might as well see the humor in things.
That is what people want when they write those words, “Must have
a sense of humor.” They aren’t expecting you to give them a Stand
Up routine. People want to know that you aren’t going to be a
curmudgeon, or more importantly, constantly complaining.
So, get over yourself, lighten up and start having some fun in your
life!
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Do give people a chance.
Sometimes people are nervous when posting an online ad and they
don’t best represent themselves. If someone contacts you because
you have a phenomenal profile and you click on his or hers and it’s
not so great, don’t automatically rule him or her out. Maybe they
didn’t read this eBook and don’t know how to market themselves
for love. There may be a nice person under that screen.
Think of being online as an opportunity to meet friends. If you are
not attracted to them, you can write, “While we may not be a
romantic match, I am looking to expand my social circle. Perhaps
we might meet for an afternoon at the museum.” You never know
whom you are going to meet or whom they know. Also, you may
find that in person, they are a lot more attractive or charming than
what you saw on their profile.
Do write back to people who write to you.
They went out of their way to contact you and went out on a limb.
It took them time to write you a message and they were only
writing because you caught their eye or you wrote something in
your profile that resonated with them. If you are not interested,
simply say: “Thank you for writing me. I don’t think we are a
romantic match, but I am looking to expand my social circle.
Perhaps we might meet for an afternoon at the museum.” If this
person absolutely repulses you, then write a simple note: “Thank
you for contacting me but I don’t think we are a romantic match.
Best of luck to you.”
This let’s them know you are not interested and that you are not
interested in further correspondence. It also indicates that you are
not rude. You are simply being honest.
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DON’TS
Don’t give out your personal information in your
profile.
Although most dating sites are screened for this, you can never be
too sure who is reading your profile. There are a lot of “looky-loos”
who just sign up and scan profiles without ever joining the dating
site.
Don’t give out your personal information too soon
once you begin corresponding with someone.
Hold off on giving out your phone number and never give out your
address. Keep emailing through the dating website and not your
personal email address. Wait until you believe you will meet the
person to give your phone number and even then do NOT give out
your address.
Don’t post old photos of yourself from 50 pounds ago.
(Or 40 or 75 or 100 etc)
You might need to lose a few pounds but don’t post photos of
yourself from a thinner time period. You need to have current
photos up of yourself. The last thing you want is to disappoint
someone when they meet you and you look nothing like your photo.
That is false advertising. If you really want to find love, you need to
be upfront about your weight. I didn’t say WRITE your weight down,
but do put up photo’s that allow someone to see the real you.
Don’t be negative.
Don’t put yourself down. Do not write something like “Well I
couldn’t meet anyone else and that’s why I’m here.” That is going
to make people click off right away. It sounds like you are not a
person worth knowing. If they think no one wanted you in the
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traditional dating world they are not going to want you in the
cyberspace world either.
Don’t write things about your sexual organs. “I have a
huge penis and am hung like a horse.” Unless you are on a porn
chat site, this is just tacky. The same goes for women: “My tits are
really nice.” Again, save that for the porn chat site.
Don’t write a list of things you don’t want in a
person. You already did that in the exercises in the workbook and
you know what you are looking for. Plus, it makes you sound picky.
If you write: “I don’t want someone who smokes or drinks, is fat or
has kids.” That is going to make you sound like a jerk and they are
also going to be wondering what else you don’t want. Stick to
writing about the things you do want.
Don’t divulge information that makes you sound
shoddy. “I’m $75,000 in debt and am currently in bankruptcy.”
That is nobody’s business but yours. You are going to scare away
any hope of a date because people will think you will be asking them
for a bailout.
On a physical note don’t write something like: “I’m about 40 pounds
overweight and the flab is rolling over my jeans.” Some people like
people with a little meat on them. People can see from your picture
what the physical state of your body is. Let THEM decide if they
can accept your weight or not.
Don’t write things about your sexual inadequacy: “My
penis is really small and I can’t get it up unless I take Viagra.”
Umm…ok, this is a real turnoff. You need to keep that information
to yourself. “My vagina is really dry and I don’t like sex a lot.”
Again: Too much information.
Don’t pick a provocative Screen Name: If you think a
name like “HotandHorny” or “Bigballsandabigwallet” are fun and
catchy screen names, you are going to attract the type of people
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who just want a good time or are gold diggers. Now if that is what
you are looking for, fine but if you are looking for a serious
relationship don’t use Screen Names like those.
Don’t write negative Headlines: I have read many profiles
that say things like: “My friends made me write this profile,” or “I
don’t usually do things like this,” or “I have no idea why I’m on this
site.”
First of all, if you say your friends made you get on the site, that
just makes you sound desperate and that your friends don’t think
there’s anymore hope for you and this is your last resort.
Second of all, what is “things like this?” If you write that it is going
to make you sound like you never try new things or that you think
online dating is beneath you.
Third of all if you write, “I have no idea of why I am on this site”
then no one is going to take you seriously. Yes you do know why
you are on the site. You are on it to MEET someone so don’t write
stupid things like that that make you sound negative and haughty.
Don’t write about your sexual preferences: “I like sex in
the morning and I like to keep my shoes on.” As I mentioned before,
this is not the place to be talking about sex. Stick with just trying
to meet a nice person first, and you can talk sex later…much later.
Don’t write how good-looking you think you are.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You never know what
someone else is attracted to. Let them be the judge. They will
know from your photo whether or not you are good looking.
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Some General Good Rules
• Don’t agree to meet at someone’s house.
• Don’t give out your address or have them meet at your house.
• Always meet in a public place.
Always tell a friend or family member where you are going and the
name and Screen name of the person you will be meeting as well as
the dating site you met them on. A dating service is a service you
have to pay for. The dating service will have a record of the
person’s real name and personal information because they had to
input their credit card to sign up. If anything goes wrong, you can
always contact the dating site to report a weirdo. If possible, give
someone your date’s phone number as well.
Most people on dating sites are legitimately looking to meet
someone for a relationship. This is not a perfect world however and
you should maintain a reasonable sense of cautiousness. Overall
have fun with this and get ready to meet many new people!
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Chapter 19
On The Date
On a first date, it is all about impression. I know I don’t need to
remind you to look your best, but just in case here are some tips:
About Your Clothes:
PLEASE wear something clean. Make sure it is ironed if it is all
wrinkly. Many people judge you on your outer appearance within 5
seconds of looking at you. You can be the nicest person in the
world but if the other person has already made up their mind, then
you just blew your chance. Now, you might hear the little voice in
the back of your head saying, “Well if that is how they are; I don’t
want them anyway.” Ok, just stop. You need to get over it and
yourself. It is not going to kill you to straighten up your clothes for
once.
If you think you are too cool for that, then you need to just go to a
bar with your friends and gaze all night at the people you wish you
could meet. I had a client tell me once that, “All the girls in Los
Angeles are bitches who don’t give you the time of the day.” First
of all, that was a very personal statement about his opinion and it
was coming from a place of hurt pride. When I looked at his
appearance I gave him my assessment. I am not paid to be nice, I
am paid to be honest and help win you dates.
The guy had crumbled, smelly clothing that looked as if they had
not been washed in a few days. His hair was unkempt and needed
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to be cut. He had dirt under his fingernails and scuffed up shoes. I
told him, had I not known him I might have thought he was a
homeless guy.
What should you wear?
Go for a classic look. If you can’t keep up with the latest trends
don’t worry about it. Black never goes out of style. I have a friend
who earns over $300,000 a year and still shops at TJ Maxx and
Marshalls. (Discount clothing stores) I asked her why and she said
that the clothes are often overstock and not really out of date and
they look good and are interchangeable.
If you are WAY out of date though, and you still have that orange
tie die with fringe from the 70’s, you do have to step out and get
some new duds. Reread the section on WARDROBE right now and
don’t forget the personal shopper. Primp and look good. First
impressions are everything.
You don’t need to wear a suit and tie or a dress, but you do want to
look appealing. Ladies, by that I don’t mean for you to pull out your
hooker boots. Men: leave the tux at home. Above all: wear
something YOU are comfortable in. (Leave the overalls at home!)
Make An Impression
One of my most memorable dates was with a Chicago Police Officer.
It was in the days before mass use of the Internet- if you can
believe that. There was an Internet but I certainly wasn’t on it
because my computer only had a 28 KB connection. Translation:
SLOW.
We didn’t have Internet dating back then and if you can imagine,
people actually posted ads in the newspaper or other alternative
magazines. These were not cheap either. They cost per line and
they charged per week. Nothing like what you can do now. You had
to get your point across quick and be catchy. There were no
pictures either, so you had to go by instinct.
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Anyway, on the very first date we had, my date brought me a bottle
of Moet and Chandon Champagne and a box of dark-chocolate
covered strawberries. Suffice it to say, we imbibed later on the
delights. That was about 12 years ago and I have never forgotten
it. It made an impression and set the tone for the evening. It
showed me the kind of person I was dealing with and also showed
me a couple of the qualities that I like in people: Thoughtfulness and
generosity.
It didn’t cost a lot of money and it went a long way in impressing
me. You can do the same. You don’t need to bring alcohol but if
you do: Don’t go cheap. I will not mention the label but there are
certain stores where you can buy a bottle of wine for $2-$3 dollars.
We refer to some of the wines as Two Buck Chuck and if you know
what I am talking about then I hope it wasn’t you who brought it to
the party. Nothing says cheap like a $2 bottle of wine. You might
as well just bring nothing. If you are cheap, don’t draw attention to
it on the first date.
If you’ve exchanged a few emails and think you like the person, you
can show up with some flowers, a tasteful food item like chocolate
covered strawberries, or even a gift. What? A GIFT? Yes, a gift. It
shows some class. I didn’t say you had to go out of your way to
buy a ring or a bracelet, yet if you have that kind of money, it
doesn’t hurt.
You can stock up on gifts at any time that don’t cost a lot. For
instance: You can buy things when there is a store clearance or
when some things are on sale. I don’t know about you, but I love to
take pictures. These days most people have a digital camera. I
know a guy who keeps one in his back pocket at all times. He tells
me you never know when you are going to see that priceless
moment. He’s right. I’ve got some great pictures of the weirdest
things you ever saw because I carry my camera everywhere.
You can buy a photo album and say, “Who knows, we might make
some memories together.” If that sounds too corny for you say,“ I
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love to document my life, and thought maybe you might too- here’s
something for the memory we make tonight.”
Be clever and creative. Come up with something good. Chances are
if you have been chatting for more than a few emails you might
know a little about the person. Show some incentive that you are
paying attention. If they mention they like cowboys get them a
little Sheriff star. If they have a dog, bring them a bone. Most
people who have pets really LOVE them, so if you show that you are
interested in their animal, that’s one point in your favor. If they
love sweets, bring them some candy.
Don’t go overboard and don’t come across desperate. Remember:
This is your chance to shine and make a first impression. You want
to come across different than all the other dates this person has
gone on. You want to stand out. At the same time, you don’t
want to come across as a weirdo or as someone who may be a
stalker. So, keep it appropriate. FYI: Lingerie as a gift on a first
date is NEVER appropriate. (Unless you are on a sex hook up site
and that’s the point of the date)
I hope that gave you a few ideas of how to stand out from all of
your competition. Chances are your date has gone on several dates
with other people that they have already met on the site. Don’t you
want to leave a good impression in their minds? Now, if you have
only emailed once and decided to get together you don’t have to
bring anything, or maybe you will. It’s up to you.
General Tips:
• They must feel safe. Do not pressure anyone into meeting
you at your house. They will probably not show up!
• When you meet at a safe location, put your date at ease. Act
politely and give them room to breathe. Keep making them
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feel safe. They will be apprehensive anyway, let them warm
up to you.
• Keep it light, fun and romantic.
• Make plans at least three days in advance. A week is good.
• Don’t cause any anxiety. Let them know exactly what you will
be doing on the date.
• Don’t be late.
• Set the tone- be friendly and smiling.
• Have fun! This is your time too. If you don’t find them
attractive, consider them as a possible friend and treat them
with respect.
• At the end of the date, if you’re still not interested, never say,
“I’ll call you.” Say, “I had a great time with you and maybe we
can be friends.” Don’t lead them on or be mean to them,
there’s no reason for that.
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Chapter 20
Final Notes From the Author:
I know you are going to be just fine if you take the advice in this
eBook. You have covered a lot of ground and now you know how to
market yourself, how to package yourself and you know what your
personal brand is. I have every confidence that you will begin
attracting love into your life the minute you begin to implement the
principles in this book. If you have any questions please feel free to
email my office. We are here for you and want you to succeed!
Best of luck to you in finding your true love!
A few words about your mind:
I have read some great books over the years about Marketing,
Advertising, Promotion, Publicity and Business. I have also read
many books on Finding your way in life, Discovering who you are,
Discovering your essence and Understanding the world around you.
I have read hundreds of motivational books and have spent
thousand upon thousands of dollars listening to motivational
programs, hearing speakers and attending seminars.
I believe that life is a great journey and that you are meant to be
exactly who you are. Never stop learning. Never stop listening.
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Never stop dreaming. Above all: Believe in yourself and the
potential of your dreams.
Dr. Wayne Dyer wrote a great book in 1989 called. “You’ll See It
When You Believe It.” Dr. Dyer’s main message was that you have
to believe that things are possible for you and when you do, the
things you believe will start showing up for you. He also
emphasized that you have to be willing to do whatever it takes to
make it happen. The book also deals with Quantum Physics and
since I grew up near Fermi Lab, which is in Batavia, IL, his teachings
were and still are of much interest to me.
*Fermi Lab is a National Laboratory where scientists carry out
research in Particle Physics and Astrophysics
If you believe that the person of your dreams will show up, they will.
If you go about getting busy doing whatever it takes to find and
attract them and make the appropriate changes in your life, sooner
rather than later, they will show up. You must believe it!
Your beliefs are always manifested in your words and actions. Make
sure that everything you think about say and do from now on
reinforces your belief that you will find your true love and that it is
possible for you to have a rewarding relationship. Your intense
beliefs become your reality, so if you are sitting around thinking that
there is no one out there for you, you will never meet anyone. Dr.
William James of Harvard said in 1905 that, “Belief creates the
actual fact.”
Another great book that was written in 1983 called, “The Magic of
Getting What You Want” by David J. Schwartz. In the book Mr.
Schwartz mentions a few techniques that are valuable to anyone.
He recommends writing your Obituary. It may sound odd but when
you project forward in your life and then look backward you realize
the things that you must do to make the things you want happen.
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For instance, if you want success, money or a loving partner in your
life, then write that in your Obituary. Put it down on paper as if it
has already happened. You’d be surprised how much of your life
you can change when you look at it from the perspective of it being
over. It kind of makes you realize that unless you make changes in
your life, you will probably not get the things you want the most.
Another technique he describes in the book is: “Prepare your own
60 second commercial.” He says to write down about 125 words
on why you are destined for greatness. You can easily apply this to
finding a partner in your life. You can write down all the wonderful
things about your relationship as if you already had one.
I encourage you to do so and then read it every night before you go
to sleep. This is called an Affirmation. You can get yourself a little
“Dream Box.” A Dream Box is a container for your dreams. You can
write down your goals and dreams on paper and fold them up into a
little square and then put it in the box every night after you read it.
That way you implant it on your subconscious mind before drifting
off to sleep. You can make your own Dream Box out of anything, as
long as you put it next to your bed. I got one in Sedona, AZ and it
has a woman riding a horse on the cap. To me it symbolizes her
carrying my dreams to reality.
My Mother actually taught me about affirmations about 18 years
ago. She told me to write my dreams down and say them aloud
every day and night. The more you say them the more you will
attract them to you.
I have used affirmations time after time in my life and you can too.
You can write down your fondest goals for the relationship you
desire on various slips of paper and then put one in your “Dream
Box,” put one on your mirror, and put one in your wallet. Read your
goals as often as possible. You can make it happen! You just have
to believe it. Napoleon Hill said, “What the mind can conceive and
believe it will achieve.”
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I could list all kinds of other tips and tricks I have learned over the
years…but then that would be an entirely different book.
I have a BA in Political Science and am a big fan of Political Theory.
You can go back thousands of years to the teachings of Socrates,
Aristotle, Plato and Confucius for many motivational inspirations. In
fact, most of the popularized “Secrets” of success were based on
their teachings from thousands of years ago.
Anyway, I won’t go on about that. Just know that you have within
you the ability to do whatever you want and you also have the
ability to have the love of your dreams!
I know if you’ve read this much that you are the kind of person who
believes your dreams are possible and that you are willing to do
whatever it takes to make them happen.
I wish you the most success in everything in life! I also hope you
find the person of your dreams.
Sincerely,
Vicki Wagner
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Bonus
Material
Bonus #1
Keep Track of Your Dates
As you start getting more and more people interested in dating you
I suggest a few things.
Make a folder on your Inbox of your email program and name it
“Internet Dates.” Start saving all of your correspondence with your
dates. Sometimes the dating company will hold your emails but only
for a certain time.
It might get hard to keep track of everyone you are emailing so just
create a folder with each individuals name on it and place it inside
the Internet Dates folder.
I recommend dating several people for at least a month or more
before you commit to one person. You don’t know what will happen
and you want to get to know as many people as possible. You will
know who you click with and who you don’t.
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Create a file in your Inbox labeled Pass Dates. These are the people
who you aren’t going to go out with again. Don’t just throw out
your emails with them because at some point in the future you may
know someone who might like them or they may email you again
and you want to remember who they are and what your
correspondence with them was.
When you start going out on the dates you will need to keep track
of a few things:
• Name of Date:
• Age:
• What they were really like in person:
• Where you went on the date:
• Who paid:
• Occupation:
• Ethnic Background:
• Religious Affiliation:
• Hobbies:
• Type of car they drove:
• What they wore:
• Children’s name if they have any:
• What was your overall impression of the date?
Why should you do this? You need to keep track so that you don’t
get people mixed up with each other. The last thing you want to do
is say to Date X the next time you talk is, “Oh hey, how is your
son?” When they have no kids. They are going to think you are an
idiot and they are also going to know that you didn’t pay much
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attention to them when you were on the date. If you DO like this
person, you are going to lose points with them.
Also, at some point you are going to decide if this is a serious
candidate or just someone to hang out with. Think about your
future. If the person showed up driving a 1973 clunker and wore
scuffed up shoes they may not be a serious candidate for your
future. Sure they had a great personality and you had fun but is
this going to work for you long term?
Be honest. This is your life and your future. You invested time and
money to meet this person. There’s an old analogy. Take a look at
your life 5 years ago. Is it the same still the same today? Then in
five years from now your life will pretty much look the way it does
now.
That holds true for everyone. If someone is driving an old clunker
now, then don’t count on them driving a luxury vehicle in five years
from now. That is not materialistic, that is assessing your future
and what is good for you.
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Bonus #2
Increase Your Chances Of Finding Love
The tools in this eBook will work Online and the confidence you will
gain from clarifying and knowing what you want will work in the
traditional dating world as well.
If you are really serious about meeting someone, you have to go
where they are, not where you want to be.
Ladies:
•
Try a softball game
•
Men’s football/rugby league
•
Political organizations
•
A mechanics class
•
Golf
•
City council
•
Chamber of commerce
•
Charities
•
Racetracks
•
Casino’s
•
Volunteer
•
Starbucks, Coffee Bean, Peet’s Coffee or a local shop
•
Take your laptop and get out there in the world.
We know that women usually travel in herds. Go out alone!
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Men
#1 traditional choice for hunting: Bars
That’s if you want to get laid but for a relationship? Not likely. I
told my best friend once, “Who is going to seriously consider you?
You’ve had sex with everyone in the bar! Yes, you might get a quick
blowjob but husband material? No way!” I told him he would have
to start whacking off a lot more and stop being the regular face at
the Watering hole. Soon every woman would know him and either
begin fights with other women, or warn women to stay away from
him.
I am not insinuating that that is going to happen to you or that that
is the path of all men, but I am going to be frank with you:
If you always do what you’ve always done then you’ll always get
what you’ve always got.
Do you want to build a life with someone or do you still want to be
the guy with the basement apartment in chick town? You decide.
Men:
•
Get involved with an Animal Shelter
•
Take a single’s dance class
•
Take your dog to the dog park
•
Join mentoring programs
•
Join Social Networking groups
•
A Book discussion club
•
Get involved with charities
•
Attend Film Festivals
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•
Volunteer
•
Starbucks, Coffee Bean, Peet’s or a local shop.
•
Take your laptop and get out there
•
Go to the library
•
Attend dinner parties
Think outside the box. (To get to the box.) I knew one guy who
signed up a sewing class at the local community college! He was
the only guy there! Needless to say, he learned to sew more than
just clothes.
Tell your friends that you are looking to meet someone and stop
dicking around! Literally. And by the way: Leave your wingman
behind! You shouldn’t be sending anyone up to talk to any woman.
If you don’t have the balls to do it, you should just stay home.
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Good Luck!
You can do it! Go out there and find the love of your
life…all from the safety of your home!
If you have questions please feel free to contact me at:
[email protected]
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