How to Get Important People to Notice You (And Take You Under Their Wing): The 4-Step Guide By Selena Soo What’s the secret to getting everything you want in life? Like landing that dream job, starting a successful business, or travelling around the world? First, it comes down to knowing that everything you want in life comes through other people. Behind every life-changing opportunity is a person who can you give that opportunity. If you have mentors or VIPs watching out for you, guiding you on how to achieve your goals, or telling other people about you, it becomes much more possible for you to get the opportunities of a lifetime. So, what’s the best way to build these relationships? The secret is that it all comes down to helping other people. Zig Ziglar said: “You can have everything you want in life if you will just help other people get what they want.” And it’s absolutely true! When you actively help others achieve their goals, you become someone that people enjoy being around, and they will naturally want to reciprocate. In this guide, I’m going to share with you the 4 steps to getting the important people in your world to notice you and take you under their wing. Step #1: Identify the Important People in Your World In order to figure out who the important people in your world are, you first need to do a little introspective work. Take some time to answer these questions. Don’t filter your answers. Just write down whatever comes to mind. 1. What are you passionate about? What do you most care about in life? 2. What are your goals? What do you hope to achieve in the next year, 5 years, 10 years? 3. What do you daydream about? What does your ideal life look like? Now that you’ve done some brainstorming, take some time to refine your answers. Action Step: Write Your Top 3 Goals Goal #1 ______________________________________________________________ Goal #2 ______________________________________________________________ Goal #3 ______________________________________________________________ Here’s an example of what your 3 biggest goals could look like: 1) Have more energy and create a better work/life balance 2) Travel to two new countries this year 3) Land a six-figure book deal and hit the bestsellers’ list To identify the important people for you to connect with, ask yourself: Who has already achieved these goals? Who inspires you? Who do you aspire to be like? This step is not about being super strategic—it’s about being led by your passions. It’s only natural that the people who inspire you are also the people who can help you. These people may be only a few years ahead of you. Definitely put some super aspirational VIPs on your list, but also make sure to consider those who might just be a few steps ahead of you. They can pull you up to their level, and they can also be more accessible. When Tim Ferriss was doing research on top performers for one of his books, he reached out to many of the world’s second greatest athletes. He knew that these athletes would be much more open to speaking with him, because they are often not given full credit for their talent. However, they are some of the most talented people in the world at what they do and have spent a lot of time studying the champions above them. This is a great idea for you to consider as you pinpoint the people who can help you. So, using the goals in the example above, you would ask yourself: • Who are the people in my company who are super successful and also have that great work/life balance? They show up to work energized and happy. • Who do I know who is a frequent traveler and always on a great adventure? • Who are the authors I admire who have made it on the New York Times bestsellers’ list? Action Step: For each goal, write down 5 people you admire who are already achieving that goal. (There may be some crossover with people who are achieving all 3 of your goals. Those are DEFINITELY the people you need to be building relationships with.) The Important People in Your World: GOAL #1: ________________________________ Person 1: ________________________________ Person 2: ________________________________ Person 3: ________________________________ Person 4: ________________________________ Person 5: ________________________________ GOAL #2: ________________________________ Person 1: ________________________________ Person 2: ________________________________ Person 3: ________________________________ Person 4: ________________________________ Person 5: ________________________________ GOAL #3: ________________________________ Person 1: ________________________________ Person 2: ________________________________ Person 3: ________________________________ Person 4: ________________________________ Person 5: ________________________________ Now, choose the top 3 people from your lists above that you want to start building a relationship with: Person #1: ________________________________ Person #2: ________________________________ Person #3: ________________________________ Step #2: Research Their Needs and Add Value Discover Their Needs Look at the people on your list. Research what their needs are so you can align your skills with their needs to create value for them. For example, if someone has an online presence, a newsletter list, or posts regularly to Facebook, they’ll often share how they need help. Maybe they’re hiring an assistant and looking for a great referral. Or maybe they are promoting an event and would love for you to share it on your social media platforms. If you follow Marketing Expert Marie Forleo on Facebook or if you’re on her newsletter list, you’ve probably seen her announce that she is bi-coastal and spends winters in Los Angeles. So if you know the best sushi restaurant in town or a specific place you know she’d love, you could send her a quick tweet. People have a tendency to overlook the power of Twitter. Remember, VIPs get inundated with email, and can check out and respond on Twitter in a matter of a couple seconds. I have connected with several influencers in this way. When I say “adding value,” it doesn’t have to be life-changing results. Little things that show you are paying attention and care make a big impact, especially if you are consistent! If they don’t share what their needs are publicly, many times, you can simply ask them! Generally, if you do not have a relationship with the person, this is NOT something to do over email. We are all so overwhelmed by emails, and VIPs don’t have time to think of something you can do for them. But this is something you could do in person or on the phone with someone you admire. You could ask them: “What is your biggest need right now? I’m so passionate about what you are doing and would love to help you.” Maybe this person is looking for help upgrading their website, and you know an amazing graphic designer. There’s your chance to connect them! Lead by Giving All of us are busy—whether you’re a stay-at-home mom, a college student, someone climbing the corporate ladder, or an entrepreneur. We’re all working around the clock. We have limited time to give to ourselves and others. If we are going to let more people into our lives, it’s because they are going to add value to us in some way. And whether you realize it or not, right now, you are only hanging out with people who add value. There are lots of people you could be friends with, but there are certain people who become a consistent part of your life. Why is that? Because they add value to your life in some way. They are great listeners, or they make you laugh, or they are there for you. What I want you to realize is that you are already adding value to people in your life. And so is everyone else around you. The way to start your relationship with VIPs is to lead by giving. When you add value and stand out as a giver, people are naturally going to want to be around you. NOTE: It’s important to understand that the people you reach out to may not be able to reciprocate right away. Also, we are not giving solely for the purpose of getting. This is not about tit for tat. If you’re helping someone you care about and believe in, the act of giving in itself is the reward. It is exciting and fulfilling to help someone you admire. And, when generosity becomes a part of your everyday way of being, you create great karma for yourself. I can guarantee that there will be people who show up to help you, even if it’s not the exact same people that you helped. It’s important to always give from a generous place, without asking for or expecting anything in return. Make it about giving because they inspire you. How I Built a Relationship with Ramit Through Adding Value I actually met Ramit through a stroke of luck, running into him on the streets of New York City. I was so excited! I love his work, and it has made a big impact on me. I walked up to him and introduced myself, and as we talked, I referenced his book and his Earn 1K program that I had taken. In our conversation, he spoke about his family (he had just returned from a vacation with them), and I mentioned how I remembered he had two sisters, which he had mentioned in his book. In his chapter on savings, he talked about how his sisters each had two Indian weddings (one on the East Coast and one on the West Coast) and why it’s important to save up for a wedding. It floored him that I had remembered such a specific, personal detail. This helped me to stand out from the start. After that meeting, I followed up and stayed in touch with him. One day, he sent me an email and asked if I had 5 minutes to offer some quick feedback on his new website homepage. He had two different versions for me to assess. What would most people do? Most people would look at it for a few minutes and write back saying, “I like A or B better” and may share a sentence why. What did I do? I didn’t spend just 5 minutes on this...I spent 5 hours. I was a graduate student at NYU at the time. After I got his email, I went to the library, gathered my classmates, and organized a mini focus group, where we dissected the copy, the positioning, and the design. Afterwards, I sent him a detailed report with our feedback. As you can probably imagine, this made me stand out in a big way. When you go above and beyond to add value, you WILL stand out. Examples of How You Can Add Value 1. Express Gratitude When someone helps you, always express your gratitude. You can do this by sending them a sincere email expressing your thanks, mailing a handwritten note, or sending a small thank you gift. The important thing is to make sure you do it! Be specific about how this person has helped you. People will often say, “Oh, I love your work.” But it’s way more powerful to say: “Your XYZ strategy helped me get a $10,000 raise.” If you were Ramit, for example, which of the above statements would make a bigger impression? I think we can all agree that the second statement will make a much stronger impression. You’ll stand out if you have taken action on their content and tell them specifically what you implemented and the results you got. They’ll think, “Wow, this person is serious.” and happy to know that their work is making a difference. Remember, when a VIP invests time and energy into your career and you implement their advice (and get great results), they get to see the return on their investment. This is not only gratifying to them, but they become motivated to help you more, because they know you are an action-taker. 2. Promote Their Content, Causes, and Products It’s easy to forget that the people we look up to are hustling too. Many are working hard to create content and products, and they always appreciate additional promotions. You can easily do this on social media or email, and it shows them that you like their work. 3. Connect Them to Resources Many people starting out think they don’t have anything to share, but we all have different experiences. Maybe you know a new app or tool, or can connect them to an organization they may not have heard of but you think they would enjoy. You can even suggest a place to find interns or hire people. This can save time for people and shows you are listening to their needs. 4. Connect Them to Others Similar to resources, people in your network are always looking to meet other great people. If you know a like-minded colleague, a strategic partner, or an influencer they may want to meet, check with both people to see if they’d like an introduction. In some cases, this can add tremendous value to their business and/or life. 5. Offer Advice Often, people who are successful may have it totally together in one area of their life, but not as much in another. If you happen to be an expert in an area such as business, health, or relationships, you can offer some advice to help out someone who needs to grow in that area. Of course, always offer it respectfully and from a place of kindness and support. 6. Send Clients Their Way For most people who are looking to grow their business, and even people with hugely successful businesses, clients are extremely valuable. If you know someone who may benefit from their products or services, refer them! NOTE: First, ask the VIP if he/she is interested in taking on more clients at this time. Action Step: How can you add value? Look back at the list of the 3 important people you listed in Step #2. Write down 3 ways you can add value to each of these individuals. Important Person #1: ________________________________ 1. _________________________________________________ 2. _________________________________________________ 3. _________________________________________________ Important Person #2: ________________________________ 1. _________________________________________________ 2. _________________________________________________ 3. _________________________________________________ Important Person #3: ________________________________ 1. _________________________________________________ 2. _________________________________________________ 3. _________________________________________________ Step #3: Follow Up Once you start reaching out and building a relationship, you’ll stand out even more if you follow up consistently. Most people miss this very important step! There are a few ways to do this. Ramit’s “Closing the Loop” Technique When it comes to following up, no one explains it better than Ramit with his “Closing the Loop” Technique. Here’s how it works: 1. Immediately following the conversation, send a short email of thanks. Share a specific thing you learned from your conversation and how you intend to implement it. Important: Don’t ask for anything in this email. Bonus: Add more value or offer a specific way that you could help them. 2. One to two weeks later, send another short email where you are adding value. Send them something you know they will appreciate. Let them know “no response needed.” 3. Two to three weeks later, close the loop. Now, tell them how you took the action with what they suggested. Share the other actions you plan to take next and that you’ll let them know what happens. For example, let’s say you want to write a book. You’ve set a meeting with a New York Times Bestselling author. Let’s call her Belinda Brown. Using Ramit’s technique, you can turn this one-time meeting into a long-term mentorship. Step 1 (the same day): During your meeting, Belinda suggests you should start a blog in order to start building an audience for your work. She also mentions that this will give you an advantage when you start talking to publishers. So after your meeting, you email her, thanking her for these specific suggestions. You let her know that you will be starting a blog and sending a weekly email to your subscribers. In fact, you just bought your domain name. Step 2 (1 week later): You email her an article you read in the New York Times that you think she would enjoy about how to use Pinterest to market your book. Step 3 (2 weeks later): You tell her your blog is up and send her a link to it. Thank her again for inspiring you to start a blog. You mention you are looking to build relationships with other bloggers and authors, so if she knows anyone, you would welcome any introductions. When you take the actions they suggested and follow up with sharing how you are implementing their advice, you stand out from the rest of the crowd and show that you are serious. A Handwritten Note Another way to follow up is mailing someone a card or handwritten note. Nowadays, people are more likely to get junk mail on a daily basis than a card or handwritten letter. (An average of 41 pounds of junk mail is sent to your mailbox yearly!)1 When you send someone a handwritten note, you leave a lasting impression. Social Media This is the simplest way to connect with someone. After I meet someone, I keep the relationship going by immediately connecting with them on social media. Social media also allows us to move from a business connection to the personal space quickly. The biggest benefit? Without much work on anyone’s part, these VIPs and you can stay looped in on the exciting things you both have to share. They stay engaged in your life without you having to do active follow up. In as little as a couple minutes, you can stay up to date on and keep interactions going. Create Regular Opportunities for Connecting and Staying in Touch It’s hard to stay in touch with the dozens, or possibly hundreds, of people you meet and want to stay in contact with. You could organize a happy hour each month or a brunch date with people you want to create close relationships with. For example, I organize a monthly “champagne brunch,” where I invite magazine editors and other influencers. Put a Note in Your Calendar Put a note in your calendar to do a personal check in. Take a moment to reach out to the people who have made a big difference for you. If they aren’t expecting it, you’ll stand out even more! Action Step: Using the above strategies, what are 3 actions you will take to follow up with influencers? 1. _________________________________________________ 2. _________________________________________________ 3. _________________________________________________ Step #4: Ask for Help Now that you have gone above and beyond and built a relationship with the person you admire, you can start asking for their help or support. So, how do you ask for help the right way? When is the right time to do it? How can you make sure that you don’t damage the relationship? Here’s the most important thing you need to know about reaching out to VIPs: Busy people do often want to help you, but you have to make it easy for them. In order to get a great mentor, you have to be a great mentee. Here are a few ways for you to be a great mentee: 1. Make Sure There Has Been a Two-Way Dialogue Going On Before asking for help, you want to make sure there has been a two-way dialogue going on. If you used the closing the loop technique, how did they respond? Did they actively answer your emails and show an interest in getting to know you? Use your judgment. You generally can tell if someone is or isn’t interested in developing more of a relationship. Once you have a solid relationship and a two-way dialogue, you can start opening up to them about your needs. 2. Make Your Requests Simple and Specific Off the bat, you shouldn’t ask for a lot of help, like, “Could you read my 20-page book proposal” or “Can you set aside 3 hours to help me figure out what I should do with my life?” Instead, a better approach would be something like this: “I’m thinking of starting my own marketing consulting business on the side until I can build it up enough to leave my 9 to 5, but I am struggling with these 2 specific issues. I would love to run them by you, as I admire how you’ve built your consulting business. Can I take you out to lunch at your favorite restaurant? I know your time is valuable, so if prefer me to send you questions via email, I am happy to do that.” If they say no to your request, don’t be discouraged. Maybe the timing is wrong (e.g. maybe things are particularly busy at work, or they are dealing with a family issue) or they are not right fit for your request at this time. But it doesn’t mean they will never be willing to help you. Keep the relationship going. If you’ve been adding value to influencers, they will want to help you. It just has to be the right request. 3. Don’t Be Afraid to Show Vulnerability If you present yourself as if “everything is perfect,” then there is no way for this person to contribute to you. We all need help, and that’s okay. Once you have built a solid relationship, you can share your successes AND struggles. 4. Write Short Emails with a Clear Call to Action Be aware that busy people don’t write long emails. If they receive a long one from you, it’s human nature to feel a need to reciprocate in kind, and they don’t have the time for that, and it can leave them feeling guilty. And that’s definitely not adding value! If you want them to respond, make your emails short and have a clear call to action. This way, you have a dialogue where they are responding to your emails and there is reciprocation. More guidelines for how to ask them for help: • • • • • Be thoughtful and considerate of their time when asking questions Show that you’ve done the work and already implemented what they’ve told you Don’t ask them questions that you can easily google Do the research beforehand about your question Make your email easy for them to answer Rather than asking someone to do something for you, it’s better to ask for their recommendation or input. It’s about asking, “Do you have any suggestions for me?” vs. “Can you do all these things for me?” When you share your goals with them, you can also say, “Are there other people you think I should meet or talk with?” So, instead of saying something like, “Hi, can you give me your Huffington Post contact?” You could say... “I would absolutely love to do some guest posting, and I really admire how you’ve been putting yourself out there. Your writing is amazing, and I love the recent piece you wrote for the Huffington Post. Do you have any suggestions on how I could reach out or get the attention of the editors at a place like the Huffington Post? Any ideas you have would be so appreciated.” So, now you know the 4 steps to getting important people to notice you and take you under their wing! Now is your chance to put this into action! Once you have implemented these steps with the important people in your world, I would love for you to share your success stories with me! Email me at [email protected]. I may even feature you as a case study! Selena Soo (founder of S2 Groupe) is a business strategist + publicity coach for entrepreneurs, experts, and authors. She also writes for Huffington Post, Forbes, and Positively Positive. Join Selena’s newsletter for weekly inspiration and tips to improve your business and life. 1 http://www.41pounds.org/faq/