1. art and entertainment
2. movies and tv
3. television

FANWOOD
On Wednesday, March
3rd piciure frames were
stolen from a business
establishment on Martine
Avenue.
Also on the 3rd a Plainfield resident was observSCOTCH PLAINS
On Monday, March 1st ed leaving the A&P with
medical instruments, elec- several packages of meat.
tronic recording equip- Subsequently William
ment, a short wave radio Ligon, 40, was charged
receiver and calculator with shoplifting.
were stolen from a
On Friday, March 5th
business in the 200 block
Michael
Sitek, 25, of Fanof Haven Avenue. The
wood,
was
charged with
property is valued at
driving
while
intoxicated
$8500.
after a motor vehicle stop
On Wednesday, March on South Avenue.
3rd, a wallet, containing a
checkbook and credit
On Sunday, March 7th
cards, was stolen from the Mark Maxemow, 21, of
1800 block of East Second Clark, was arrested for
Street.
drunk driving on Terrill
On Friday, March Sth a Road.
PBA shield was stolen
On Monday, March 8th
from a car parked in the police and fire depart2300 block of Morse ments responded to an acAvenue.
cidental fire at a home on
Also on the Sth four Rainier Road. While atjuveniles were apprehend- tempting to put the flames
ed for breaking glass in a out, one of the occupants
rear door at Brunner suffered burn wounds to
the hand.
School.
POLICE
NEWS
8
Immaculate Heart of Mary
to host '50s Dance
Immaculate Heart of beer, soda, chips, pretzels,
Mary Church will hosi iis coffee and cookies. Music
Annual '50s Dance on will be provided by "The
Saiurday, March 27, from Pros." For tickets, call
8 pm to 12 Midnighi in the Karen at (908) 322-5480 or
Church Auditorium.
Susan at (908) 889-6367.
Group sales are welcome
The cosi is $15 per per- as tables seat 10-12 peoson or $25 per couple, and ple.
includes sub sandwiches,
Former resident writes book
Former Scotch Plains
resident Barry Duncr says
his parents lei him watch
as much TV as he wanted
when he was a kid.
Now he's putting all
that time spent in from of
the TV to good use, with
the publication of his firsi
book, Everything I Really
Need to Know, I Learned
from Television. The
book, out in stores now
from Applause Books, is
fully-illustrated by cartoonist Rick Parker.
Duiier,
28,
of
West field, and Parker, 46,
who lives in Manhattan,
work for Marvel Comics
in New York. The two collaborate on a weekly strip
for Marvel called "The
Bull's Eye", which appears in over two million
comic books a month.
Parker also does a monthly strip for Marvel called
"The Bossmen". Duiier
works as a writer for
Marvel, where he has
worked on such characters
as Spider-Man, ihe
X-Men, the Punisher, and
the Fantastic Four.
Everything I Really
Need to Know I Learned
From Television is iheir
first book together.
The book is a parody of
i he best-selling book by
Robert . Fulghum, All I
Need to Know, I Learned
in Kindergarten. Noted
Dutter, "I really didn't
learn too much in
kindergarten, aside from
fingerpainting and how to
take naps. Instead, I spem
most of my childhood in
front of the TV, and that's
where I learned all the
really important lessions I
needed to get by in life."
Dutter says that as a
child, he spent three to
five hours a day in from
of the "idiot box", and he
believed everything he
saw. Observed the author,
"They wouldn't put
something on TV if ii
wasn't true!" Dutter is
still an avid TV-watcher,
though he feels he doesn't
need to watch as much as
he used to.
"I watched so much TV
the first eighteen years of
my life, that it taught me
just about everything I
needed to know. Then I
was ready to go out and
face the world."
Dutter feels one of the
major benefits of learning from TV is that you
never have to leave your
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home. "The great thing
about TV is that you can
learn from the experiences
of others. For instance, I
learned that anyone can
land a plane or deliver a
baby. These are two of the
easiest things to do in the
world. In fact, it's possi*
ble to do both at once!
"I also learned that if
you scratch your head, it
could be a sign of dandruff, which could cost
you dares and lucrative
job offers. These are all
important life lessons thai
are better learned secondhand.
"I figure if something is
on TV, it probably happened to someone,
somewhere, once, and
they want to share iheir
experiences with you, so
you won't make the same
mistakes. It can save you a
lot of embarrassment."
Duller noted that "ihe
best thing about TV is thai
it entertains as it educates.
As Bill Cosby used to say
at the beginning of every
episode of Eat -Albert, "If
you're not careful, maybe
you'll learn something
before it's done!"
"The problem I always
had in school, was that it
was never as entertaining
as TV. Give me Mork and
Mindy over geometry any
day of the week!"
Dutter says the earliest
shows he learned from
were "the same ones from
kid born after 1960 learns
from: Sesame Street, The
Electric Company...Mr.
Rogers taught me how to
put on a sweater...Oh,
yes, and from I Love Lucy
reruns I learned (hat if 1
ever own a night club, I
should never let my wife
be in the show, because ii
will probably end up in
disaster."
From those early educational shows, Duner
graduated to what he calls
"the Golden Age of TV".
This was in the midseventies, when ABC aired
"such classic shows as
Happy Days, Welcome
Back, Kotier, Charlie's
Angels, and perhaps the
greatest show of them all,
Three's Company."
These days, Duner
restricts his viewing 10 just
a few shows--"The Simpsons, The Ben Stiller Show
and anything with Emmanuel Lewis."
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Dutter continued, "Of
course, there are always
new things you can learn
from TV. You have u ,
keep up with new
developments. Thai's why
I never miss Entertainment Tonight. It helps me
keep up with what's really
going on in the world. As
far as I'm concerned, if
they didn't cover ii „«
Entertainment Tonight, j,
didn'i happen!"
Among the "lessons"
contained in Duner's
book: Every one of us has
at least one identical iwin,
usually
evil!"
"Somewhere on a tiny
island in the South Pacific
is a midget in a while tuxedo waiting to satisfy all
your fantasies!" And,
"Any problem you have
in life can be solved in 30
minutes, if it is a
humorous problem, or 60
minutes, if ii is a dramatic
problem."
Dutter said that the
book only took a few
months to write, but I had
to do a lot of TV-watching
before I could write h. I
like to tell people it really
took 28 years to write. I
wasn't just lazing in front
of the boob tube all those
years--I was really doing
research!"
Once the text was written, the next step was finding an artist. "RicV
Parker was my first choic<
to illustrate the book,'
Dutter said. "I wai
familiar with his cartoon
for Marvel, and I liked hi
work a lot, so I was thrill
ed when he said he woul<
do it."
"Even though Ric)
doesn't own a TV, an<
hasn't watched ii ii
decades, he still did a grea
job on the book. Surpris
ingly, he even undersuwi
some of the jokes! Rick i
very funny man. His car
toons are very much in in
tradition of The Far Side
Calvin and Hobbes, o
Charles Addams' Addam
Family."
Dutter added that in
late Charles Addams wa
a fellow Westfield res
dent. "I hope Rick and
are as successful with ov
cartoons as Charles Ac
dams was with his. He ws
a big influence on both c
us."
Naturally, a sequel
planned. "I've alread
written the next book in
series, and Rick said r
wants to illustrate itguaranteed that evet
book I write will have a
illustration on every pag
My books are designed i
be read in-between con
mercial breaks of yoi
favorite TV shows!
Other books along d
same lines are planned.
Dutter said he won
rest until he gets to ph
the book on TV. "We*
doing The Joe Frankl
Show, we have a shoi
doing Regis and Katri
Lee, and, if we play o
cards right, a chance
fulfill the Americi
Dream by appearing <
the Home Shopping N<
work! If we can do thi
than I can truly say I'
done it all!"