Document 25759

The Wabi Sabi
Of Love Letters
How It All Began
The Blossoming of Young Love
Defying Geography
With This (Invisible) Ring, I Thee Wed
Wabi Sabi Tips for Love Letter Writing
Treasuring Time
A private collection
Forever in Bloom
That’s the card Brian gave me on June 22, 2008 for our 10th wedding anniversary.
Here’s the one I gave him that same year:
Here we are, toasting to our first 10 years as man and wife!
Three years later, I gave him this one:
Loving every moment together—13 years and counting!
Wabi Sabi
Love Letters
Well beyond anniversary cards, from the
beginning, love letters, be they greeting cards,
emails, longhand letters, or notes, have played an
important part in our romance, our love, and our
forever growing relationship and marriage.
My hope, with this eBook, is to give you
insights into how we’ve used love letters to deepen
and enhance our relationship, but also to give you
the tools to use love letters to make your relationship as wabi sabi as it can be.
Greeting card, courtesy of Persimmon Press,
It All
Began . . .
That love letters have played such an important
role in mine and Brian’s romance makes even more
sense when you hear the story of how we met.
It was a Friday morning, in
hundreds of emails, cards
and letters that we have
fact, and I had just gotten
kept safe and sound for all
off a plane from San Diego,
these years. Most impor-
my home, to Portland, OR,
tantly, perhaps, those two
where Brian then lived. It
months we spent together
was both love at first sight,
(in our hearts and souls)
and love at first knowing.
but apart (in our geogra-
While we had never physi-
phy), instilled in us both an
cally met before, the mo-
ongoing desire to continue
ment we laid eyes on each
expressing our love, grati-
other, we felt a deep and
tude and happiness to each
abiding connection that
other, in writing, through
neither of us could ignore.
love letters.
It would take just two
Exchanging love letters, in
months to close those 1,000
fact, has become a sacred
miles between us. However
practice for us over the
agonizing that distance
years. The letters in this
seemed to us at the time,
book, along with the many
it inspired us to exchange
others not in this book,
“Amma is the real thing. If
have given us a timeless
you ever have a chance to
way to celebrate the mys-
get a hug from her, do it.”
tical, magical, warmly
I signed up for this week-
loving wabi sabi-ness of
end retreat, knowing that
our own relationship, and
during this retreat I would
to reap the rewards of the
receive at least two hugs. I
love that continues to grow
had spent the previous year
and blossom each and
forgiving myself and oth-
every year.
ers for relationships that
hadn’t worked out, I had
So you can get a sense of
made my Soulmate List and
how it all began, I
released it to the Universe,
wanted to share the story
I had unhooked myself
of Brian’s and my first
energetically from past lov-
meeting, as excerpted
ers, and I truly believed in
from my book,
my heart that my soulmate
The Soulmate Secret:
was out there. Now I was
On June 22. 1997· I went
to see Amma, the
hugging saint from India.
I had heard about her
years earlier from Deepak
Chopra, who said to me,
hoping for a little cosmic
power boost to help bring
us together.
excited and a little
ing to me. The lyrics of the
nervous… I had a plan but
song were: “Arielle is the
I didn’t know if it would
woman that comes after
work. I had been told that
Beth.” When I woke up in
when you receive a hug
the morning, I was con-
from Amma, she may whis-
vinced it had been a
per or chant into your ear
sign—my soulmate was out
but you don’t converse with
there, but he was currently
her, because she doesn’t
with someone named Beth.
speak English. Finally it
was my turn, and while she
The next evening I had an
was hugging me, I whis-
opportunity for a second
pered in her ear, “Dear
hug from Amma. This time
Amma, please heal my
I whispered in her ear to
heart of anything that is
please send me my
stopping me from finding
soulmate, and I rattled off
my soulmate.” She laughed
part of my wish list. Again
as I said this and squeezed
she laughed and squeezed
me tighter. I “knew” that
me tight.
she had understood
Three weeks later I went on
my prayer.
an unexpected
On the first evening of the
retreat, I patiently waited
in line for my hug. I was
That night I had a very
business trip to Portland,
vivid dream. In the dream
Oregon. One of the
there were seven women
authors I had been
dressed in purple, sing17
working with, Nick, was
On the flight up to
Once they were ready to
I had never heard voices
about to be interviewed for
Portland, I was unusually
begin taping, I sat in the
before, nor had I ever
an important TV show. The
nervous. At first, I thought
back of the room on a little
been compelled to rub a
taping had been moved
it was because I was in the
bench next to Brian.
stranger’s shoulders. What
from the studio in L.A. to
middle of a detox diet—
I should have been
was going on? When the
Nick’s home in Portland,
I had been subsisting on
concentrating on the
interview was complete,
and the publisher asked
various juice and soup
conversation between Nick
the lights went on and we
me to fly up and supervise
concoctions for about a
and the host of the show,
stood up. Brian turned to
the shoot. The call came
week. However, I would
but I kept getting distract-
me and asked, “When I
late in the afternoon on a
find out soon enough where
ed by an overwhelming
picked you up at the
Thursday, and I needed
my “nerves” were coming
urge to massage Brian’s
airport, did 1 look
to be in Portland the fol-
from. When I landed at the
shoulders. The urge was
familiar to you?” Slightly
lowing morning. I called
gate, I followed Brian’s
so intense that I literally
taken aback, I answered,
Nick’s office and spoke to
directions out of the
had to sit on my hands so
‘’Yes, why do you ask?’’
one of his business associ-
terminal and quickly found
I wouldn’t be tempted! As
And he said, “Because I’ve
ates, Brian, who agreed
him. The moment I saw
I was sitting on that bench
been dreaming about you.”
to pick me up at the air-
him, I had the thought, “I
next to Brian, whom I had
I was so blown away by
port the following day. He
wonder who Beth is?” This
met only an hour earlier, I
what he said that I just
kindly explained to me that
was quickly followed by
very clearly heard a voice
turned and began walk-
because the Portland
the thought, “He’s not your
say to me, “He’s The One.
ing to the door to get some
airport was under
type and you are a little
This is how it happens.
fresh air. As I was walking
construction, he couldn’t
crazy today.”
This is who you are going
away, I heard Nick say to
to spend your life with.”
Brian, “Let’s take Arielle
meet me at the gate, but he
did tell me where I could
When we arrived at Nick’s
find him just outside
house, the TV crew was
By now I was convinced
she has to catch her plane,
the terminal.
setting up for the interview.
that I was losing my mind.
and why don’t you invite
to dinner tonight before
Elizabeth to join us?’’ As I
go because I had to catch
dreaming about me for the
clearest indication of a fated
reached the lakeside patio to
my flight home. Nick ar-
past three weeks, and the night
relationship I have ever
sit down, I thought, “Great.
ranged for my trout dinner
before he picked me up at the
seen. I predict you will
So there is a Beth. Not only
to be put into a to-go box,
airport, we were in the tantric
marry him.”
a Beth, but an Elizabeth. It
and Brian raced down the
yab-yum position. This is
must be his wife.” Then the
freeway to get me to the
when a man is sitting cross-
One week later both Nick
voice came back and said
airport on time. As we were
legged and a woman sits on
and Brian came to San Di-
simply, “Don’t worry.
driving, I was feeding both
top of him and wraps her
ego for Nick’s book tour.
They are just like brother
of us my trout dinner and
legs around his back and
Brian and I sat in the back of
and sister.”
hearing myself say things
they are in full union, all
the room while Nick gave his
I couldn’t believe were
chakras connected).
lecture, writing notes to each
other like seventh graders!
I didn’t know what any of
coming out of my mouth.
this meant. I was excited,
Things like, “You know,
We arrived at the airport.
Things moved very quickly
hungry, and more than a
I don’t want to have any
After a quick hug goodbye,
from there. Brian and I be-
bit confused. Later that day
children.” To which Brian
I ran to catch my plane. As I
came engaged three weeks
Brian and I went to dinner
responded, “That’s why
waited in the terminal, I put in
later. Within two months,
with Nick, his wife, a few
Elizabeth and I have bro-
a call to my Vedic astrologer,
he moved to La Jolla to live
other people—and Elizabeth,
ken up. She wants to get
Marc Boney. I briefly told him
with me. Exactly one year to
who arrived with a friend. It
married and have children,
about Brian and gave him his
the date that I asked Amma
was a hot summer evening,
and I don’t want to.”
birth info (which I had man-
to help me find my soulmate
and the restaurant service
Then I heard myself say,
aged to extract from Brian
(which was the culmination
couldn’t have been slower.
“I’ve been looking for a
before I caught my plane). By
of two years of deliberately
We ordered our dinner, but it
tantra partner.” At that
the time I got home, Marc had
applying the Law of Attrac-
was taking forever to arrive.
point Brian nearly drove
left a voice message for me
tion), she married us in a
Before my meal was even
off the road (I later found
that said: “I looked up both of
Hindu ceremony in front of
served, it was time for me to
out that he had been
your charts. This is the
thousands of people.
The Blossoming
of Young
Love . . .
During those two months between our meeting and
Brian’s move to La Jolla, our love letter writing was fast
and furious. The many emails, cards, and notes we
exchanged gave us a way to express our feelings, and
continue deepening our bond in between our many phone
calls and weekends together.
I’ll admit, rereading these letters and emails today, it’s
easy to giggle at the desperate energy of our young love.
Also, though, it’s interesting to see how many of our feelings toward each other, although much deeper after 13+
years together, are still as real as they were during those
first weeks.
That, for us, is one of the gifts of love letters. They give
you and your love a moment to revel in the wabi sabi of
your relationship, and celebrate the affection, adoration,
respect, trust, and lust that first brought you together.
To inspire you to remember how you felt about your
spouse, partner, or special someone when you first met, I
wanted to share some of the many emails and notes Brian
and I exchanged during our first two months together.
The box of our printed emails and cards from this period
is large, so I’ve chosen a mere handful to give you some
ideas about how to make your “lov-emails” into keepsakes
of your own.
That trip to Yosemite over Labor Day was our first
together. Although it quickly turned into a wonderful
weekend, I’ll admit that my heart sank the moment we
walked into the cabin I’d rented. It was far more rustic
than I’d hoped, the only bathroom being a nearby
outhouse. Each night, afraid of an unwelcome bear
encounter, I woke Brian up in the wee hours to
accompany me out there. He was a wonderful sport about
it, and we spent three fabulous days hiking and biking
amidst the breathtaking scenery.
A Timeless
Thrilled though I was
that would mean the en-
Our engagement, which began just three weeks after we
about our engagement, in
gagement was real. Brian
first met, was as spontaneous as it was surreal.
the weeks after accepting
smiled, and nodded. “Yes,
Brian’s “Invisible Ring,” I
that’s the whole point,” he
It was a hot summer evening, and we were seated on the
made sure to keep our pre-
said. “I want to marry you.
outdoor patio of a romantic Italian café in the gaslamp
cious secret to myself, fear-
I love you with everything
quarter of San Diego. While reveling in the pleasure of
ing that friends and family
I have and everything I am,
each other’s company, Brian suddenly blurted out, “I’d
would think us insane for
and I want the world to
marry you tomorrow if I could. I’d marry you right now,
committing to a life togeth-
know it.”
but I didn’t prepare. I don’t have a ring.” Shocked and elat-
er after three short weeks in
ed, we quickly decided the “Invisible Ring” would mark
a long-distance relationship.
Moments later, I was on
our engagement.
Looking back, I can see
the phone with my mother,
that I needed more time to
who was not only thrilled
Hours later, I was on the phone with my best astrologer
protect our young love, and
at our news, but also eager
friends, who scoured the charts to find the most
nurture it until I was sure it
to kick off the celebration
auspicious day for our wedding.
would last.
by throwing us an
engagement party.
Barely six weeks later,
however, Brian gently
A month later, the official
forced the issue by asking
festivities began with the
me when I was planning
party my mom planned for
on telling my mother about
us in Orlando. Later that
our engagement. I hesi-
fall, we hosted an engage-
tated, and quickly admitted
ment party for our friends
that I was afraid to tell her.
in Los Angeles.
If I told her, I explained,
Those parties would turn out to be the start of a long
series of celebrations that would last into, and beyond,
our first (and second!) wedding.
With This
(Invisible) Ring,
I Thee Wed....
Brian moved to La Jolla weeks later, and with the help of
my astrologer friends, we set our wedding date for
June 22, 1998. I was both determined to find the ideal
astrological date, and to spend some months living
together to get to know each other before officially
committing to our future together.
By the time our wedding arrived, we were more in love
than ever, and confident that our union was indeed meant
to be. Our June 22nd wedding was breathtakingly
beautiful, and was quickly followed by our “legal”
wedding on August 9th, and then a third wedding with
Amma, the beloved “hugging saint” of India who had
blessed my wishes to find Brian, my beloved soulmate.
Finally, we closed our many months of celebration with a
fabulous post-wedding party that marked the official start
of our life together as man and wife.
Wabi Sabi Tips
for Love Letter
The best love letters are unique to you and yours. For
• Celebrate the ties that bind you. Whether it’s pet
some couples, poetry is sacred. For others, it’s music,
names, actual pets, jokes, art, hiking, children, or other,
sports, humor, or certain turns of phrase and special
those little (and big) things in your daily lives that con-
memories that quickly bring you back to each other, and
tinue to bring you together matter. Referring to them
remind you of how special your union truly is.
in your love letters, whether through images or words,
makes your letters authentic to the only people who
Here are some quick tips for writing love letters that help
matter—you and yours.
you create new memories worth holding onto:
• By all means, ush and gush. If ever there was a time
• A loving mindset makes all the difference. If you’re
to let it all spill out and express the true depths of your
annoyed that your partner left her dirty dishes on the
feelings, love letters are it. If you feel awkward ex-
counter, wait until you’re in a loving mood to write
pressing yourself so openly, it’s probably high time you
your letter. The loving words you write will ring a lot
did just that. You, your relationship, and your beloved
truer when you’re actually feeling them.
all deserve that much—and lots more!
• Relax, and enjoy! What better chance to bask in the
• Make it imperfect. Let’s face it—perfection is
glow of love than when you’re writing to your
impersonal. Your poems may not rhyme, your
beloved? Feel the warm embrace of your best
hand-drawn hearts may be lopsided, but what
memories, your most cherished moments, and relive
matters is that your letters and cards are from the
them in your mind as you write. That squabble you
most special person ever. YOU.
had this morning will mean so very little when you let
turn into the vapor it was always meant to be.
• Leave it behind. What’s more fun than being
surprised by a love letter? Here are some suggestions
for “delivering” your letters in surprising ways:
• Inside your love’s towel.
• Attached to his key chain.
• Inside a book she’s currently reading.
• In your mailbox.
• Taped behind a cupboard you’re sure he’ll
• On the ceiling, above your bed.
• In her drawer.
• Behind her car sun visor.
• Inside a favorite CD or DVD case. • On his pillow.
• Inside his favorite coffee cup.
• Inside her shoe.
• Taped to a bottle of favorite wine.
• Taped to his favorite beverage.
• Mailed to her office.
• Underneath a clear glass.
• In his slippers.
• Hanging on a doorknob.
• Inside the pocket of her robe.
• Taped on the backside of the TV remote con-
• On top of, or inside the drawer of, his bed-
• In the microwave. (Visible enough so it doesn’t
get cooked!)
side table.
• On the coffee machine.
• Sandwiched inside her closed laptop.
• In her wallet or purse.
• Taped to his steering wheel.
• Laminated and floating in a bubble bath.
• Nested inside her not-yet-read magazine.
• Very large, taped on an outside window.
• In her suitcase.
Let your imagination run wild—the options
• In his coat pocket.
are endless!
As the years have passed, Brian and I have continued exchanging notes and letters, doing everything we can think
of to celebrate the wabi sabi in our own love, and allow
our gratitude for that first meeting to grow bigger with
each new year. Rather than the abandoned dirty laundry
or forgotten errand, we have focused on the support, fun,
laughter, and warmth we have nurtured between us.
To help get you in the mood to revel in the wonder of your
own wabi sabi love, I’m sharing a handful of the many
cards we’ve exchanged since getting married.
Oh My Sweet, My Beloved Valentine
Charlie, dearly missed since 2005
To You, My Love, On Your Special Day
We celebrated Brian’s 50th during a
cruise through French Polynesia. This is
from our stop at Bora Bora.
One of our most cherished traditions over the
years has been the Sunday morning hike we
enjoy with various friends and family. This photo
is from one of our most recent hikes.
We love to travel to exotic places, and recently fell
in love with the paradise known as Bali.
Forever in
During a recent vacation, Brian and I spent several long
Dear Brian,
romantic walks reminiscing on our 13+ years together,
and discussing what’s changed between us, and for us, and
July 18, 1997 was the day my life changed forever.
what hasn’t. Those conversations inspired a new love letter
exchange, which I’m sharing here.
More than anything, though, those conversations reinforced what he and I have known for our many years
together—in a wabi sabi love relationship, the passage of
time is a gift. When you learn to appreciate, accept, and
occasionally laugh about, each other’s flaws and foibles,
your life together grows bigger, more interesting, and your
love, deeper and more beautifully intricate.
And while you are more than welcome to borrow and
massage the words of our love letters for your own, I hope,
most of all, that our letters help you to revel in the perfect
imperfections of your own relationships, to celebrate the
silliness, bask in the sensuality, and reap the infinite
rewards of wabi sabi love!
I remember waking up that morning with butterflies in my stomach…even though I
was about to take a short business trip to Portland, my body new something was up!
The plan was simple: I was going to see one of my authors, Nick, to supervise a video
shoot. Nick’s business partner, some guy named Brian, (look for a tall man with salt
& pepper hair in a silver car), would pick me up at the airport.
In 24 hours I would be home.
What was there to be nervous about???
I remember walking out of the airport and seeing you standing next to your car.
In that instant I knew you were someone special.
Within hours, I was sure we were meant to be together.
My earliest impressions of you were: he’s very kind, handsome, strong, confident, and
Today, nearly 15 years later, all of those impressions are still true only now I know
with 100% certainty that you are also deeply loving, generous, fascinating, fun, funny,
intuitive, massively athletic, super smart, courageous, compassionate, consistent,
loyal, selfless, spiritual and so much more. Your open heart, love of humanity and
curious mind make you the most interesting person I’ve ever met.
Everyday with you is a fabulous adventure and I feel so grateful to share my life
with you.
You are my soulmate.
My twin-flame.
My best friend, lover, partner, healer and teacher.
You have taught me the meaning of love and loving.
You have shown me what true partnership is.
You have healed my spirit and soul at the deepest level.
And you have taught me, by example, how to be a more loving, kind,
compassionate and generous person.
You are my down comforter, my safe place to land, my biggest supporter and my
greatest ally.
Thank YOU my Beloved Arielle for this precious Love Letter—just one more expression of LOVE from YOU that will be etched in my heart forever!!
And I do, too, remember that first magical encounter at the Airport (as if it was yesterday) when you came through the revolving glass doors—YOU absolutely took my
breath away and my heartbeat immediately began to tap dance on my Soul. This feeling quickly but effortlessly moved to an exquisite Ballet that began to generate a beautiful and nourishing rhythm that seemed to lift my spirit to the Cosmos and beyond,
A primordial pulse, a feeling and inner sound that seemed like it was an Orchestration from the Heavens—and then a soothing and comforting inner voice whispered in
my ear…You are HOME Brian…..this is the beautiful woman you’ve been dreaming
about…your Soulmate!!
My deepest prayer is that I can make you as happy as you have made me.
And now, 15 years later and breathing in this juicy love letter, I have that same instant
blasting open of my heart and that nurturing and deep feeling of gratitude and appreciation for YOU and the remembering that my HOME is the 24/7 love and devotion
for our sacred union. In fact the thought that comes over me at this very moment is I’m
a little off with our 1+ 1= 11 Soulmate Formula…..Our LOVE actually FEELS like its
expanded to 1 + 1= A MILLION GAZILLION + INFINITY!!!!
Love always,
My LOVE for you keeps expanding, growing and getting infinitely richer and more
delicious every day…absolutely GROOVY-LICIOUS indeed Arielle!! And we’ve been
With you I have the daily experience of being loved, being seen, being heard, being
appreciated, and being connected in ways that I never dreamed possible. I am
a better, bigger, ME, because of YOU.
SO blessed with generating all sorts of fun and creative ways to play and work together-- -which seems like it spans lifetimes filled with unlimited joy and unfettered wonder. We’ve truly been fortunate to explore and travel the World side by side, and to
this very day, we continue to experience the beauty and grace of other cultures, distant
and exotic countries and STILL have the constant desire (and Love for each other) to
just sit on a beach holding hands, “smootching” as often as possible and gazing at the
Stars and beyond dreaming up new adventures and interesting and cool ventures that
hopefully make a difference in the World—cheers my love!!…And most definitely for
ME Arielle today I still live each second with THE SAME INTOXICATING FEELING
of excitement and curiosity, that same heart and Soul recognition, that same “Tap
Dance” and “Ballet” and gorgeous and heavenly music that lifted my spirits when I
laid my eyes on YOU and started this divine conspiracy of 2 people finding their way
HOME almost 16 years ago—Double WOW!!
And Arielle, please allow me to lovingly remind YOU that all your prayers have been
met because you’ve made me the happiest guy on the Planet. It is SO easy to “smile in
my sleep” cuddling up to YOU every night. My cup overflows with love, inspiration,
respect, admiration and devotion for YOU and our continued journey that we’ll share
exploring our Soulmate connection, our sacred contract and ALL the incredible and
amazing FUN we’re going to dream up together…Wooo-Hooo!!.
In fact I will end my LOVE LETTER to YOU with 2 promises my love…the vow I made
on our Wedding Day will continue forever and live deeper in my heart today and the
years to come…Each night before we fall asleep I will acknowledge my love for YOU
and each morning when we awake for another beautiful day of honor and privilege
for the gift granted the two of us for the opportunity to share a magical life filled with
And that “soft place” for YOU always to land that I promised will continue to only get
bigger, brighter, warmer, more comfy, more nurturing and nourishing to your soul
and fill your heart with the trust that “this soft place to land” will always be there no
matter what you are experiencing, feeling or going through…most importantly this
“soft place” will be there for YOU to always remember and feel secure that you are
unconditionally loved by the luckiest guy in the World… And that I will always do my
best to express that LOVE in a MILLION GAZILLION ways!!!!!!
Your Best Friend, Twin Flame and Lover who sends you everlasting hugs, love and
kisses for making my life so wildly blissful and joyfully meaningful….
bri bri