1. religion and spirituality
2. judaism

1
“Interviewing: What, When and If to Disclose”
Intro: Geneivas Da’as – being misleading, deceptive, creating a false
impression [literally, “stealing someone’s knowledge/mind”]
Is there a duty to disclose to a potential employer that certain conflicts may arise
between one’s religion and its related lifestyle, on the one hand, and the
demands of working at a given job, on the other hand.
The largest potential conflicts are typically:
1. Not being able to work on Shabbos and Yom Tov
2. Lifestyle (maintaining time to learn/daven and spend time with family)
3. Kashrus (typically less of a concern, but it depends on the job requirements).
There may be other conflicts depending on the job and the requirements of a
given position, for example, being required to shave during the three weeks and
Sefirah, but we’ll focus on the main areas of conflict.
Obviously, one cannot actively misrepresent oneself. The question here is if one
must actively disclose information about one’s religious commitments, or is
omitting to mention them permissible. In other words, is omitting to disclose also
problematic, similar to active misrepresentation, or is failing to disclose
permissible.
‫ ואפילו דעת גוי‬,‫אסור לגנוב דעת הבריות‬
[Actively misrepresenting oneself, on a resume, during an interview, or otherwise, is
absolutely and obviously forbidden. Accordingly, the focus of this topic is “geneivas
daas”, which is a more common question when it comes to interviewing - in particular,
need we actively disclose information regarding one’s observance, work history, etc.]
‫ א‬,‫חולין צד‬
.'‫ וכו‬,‫ ואפילו דעתו של עובד כוכבים‬,‫ אסור לגנוב דעת הבריות‬:‫ אמר שמואל‬.1
(‫רמב"ם הלכות מכירה )פרק יח הלכה א‬
‫ ואחד עובד כוכבים ואחד ישראל שוים‬,‫ אסור לרמות את בני אדם במקח וממכר או לגנוב את דעתם‬.2
.‫ ואפילו לגנוב דעת הבריות בדברים אסור‬,‫ היה יודע שיש בממכרו מום יודיעו ללוקח‬.‫בדבר זה‬
‫‪2‬‬
‫שולחן ערוך )חושן משפט סימן רכח סעיף ו(‬
‫‪ .3‬אסור לרמות בני אדם במקח וממכר או לגנוב דעתם‪ ,‬כגון אם יש מום במקחו צריך להודיעו ללוקח‪.‬‬
‫אף אם הוא עובד כוכבים‪ ,‬לא ימכור לו בשר נבילה בחזקת שחוטה‪ .‬ואף לגנוב דעת הבריות בדברים‪,‬‬
‫שמראה שעושה בשבילו‪ ,‬ואינו עושה‪ ,‬אסור‪ .‬כיצד‪ ,‬וכו'‪.‬‬
‫תוקף איסור גניבת דעת‬
‫ספר יראים )סימן קכד(‬
‫‪ .4‬גונב דעת הבריות במידי דממון הוי בכלל ממון ועובר על "לא תגנובו" )ויקרא יט(‪ .‬כדתניא‬
‫בתוספתא ומייתי לה בחולין )צד‪ ,‬א( ג' גנבים הן‪ ,‬הראשון שבכולם גונב דעת הבריות‪ ,‬וכו'‪ .‬ואין לומר‬
‫שאיסור גניבת דעת במידי דממון דרבנן שהרי מצינו שנענש אבשלום עליו בסוטה )ט‪ ,‬ב( תנן לפי שגנב‬
‫ג' גניבות‪ ,‬לב אביו ולב ב"ד ולב כל ישראל נתקעו בו ג' שבטים‪ ,‬עיין שם‪.‬‬
‫חידושי הריטב"א )שם(‬
‫‪ .5‬איסור גניבת דעתו של נכרי כתבו קצת רבותינו בשם בעלי התוספות ז"ל שהוא איסור תורה דנפקא‬
‫לן מדכתיב "לא תגנבו ולא תכחשו" וכו'‪ .‬ובתוספתא דבבא קמא )פ"ז ה"ג עיי"ש( איתא שלשה גנבים‬
‫הם‪ ,‬גדול שבכולם גונב דעת הבריות‪.‬‬
‫]אך‪ ,‬יש שכתבו שאיסור גניבת דעת אינו אלא מדרבנן‪[:‬‬
‫ספר מצוות קטן )מצוה רסב(‬
‫‪ .6‬שלא לגנוב ממון דכתיב )ויקרא י"ט( לא תגנובו‪ ,‬וכו'‪ ,‬ויש גניבה אחרת שאסרו חכמים כגון גניבת‬
‫הדעת אסור ואפילו דעתו של עכו"ם אסור‪.‬‬
‫וכן כתב הב"ח )חושן משפט סימן רכח( דהגורם דמחזיק לו טובה בחנם אסור מדרבנן‪.‬‬
‫אפילו מלה אחת של גניבת דעת אסורה‬
‫רמב"ם הלכות דעות פרק ב הלכה ו‬
‫‪ .7‬אסור לגנוב דעת הבריות ואפילו דעת הנכרי‪ ,‬כיצד‪ ,‬וכו'‪ ,‬ואפילו מלה אחת של פיתוי ושל גניבת דעת‬
‫אסור‪ ,‬אלא שפת אמת ורוח נכון ולב טהור מכל עמל והוות‪.‬‬
‫ספר שערי תשובה לרבינו יונה )שער ג סימן קפד(‬
‫‪ .8‬אמרו רבותינו זכרונם לברכה )חולין צד‪ ,‬א(‪ :‬אסור לגנוב דעת הבריות ואפילו דעת נכרי‪ .‬והנה‬
‫החטא הזה חמור אצל חכמי ישראל יותר מגזל הנכרי‪ ,‬יען וביען כי שפת שקר אשמה רבה‪ ,‬ונתחייבנו‬
‫על גדרי האמת‪ ,‬כי הוא מיסודי הנפש‪.‬‬
‫באיסור גניבת תשובות לשאלות מבחני הסיום שעושה המדינה‬
‫שו"ת אגרות משה )חושן משפט חלק ב סימן ל(‬
‫‪ .9‬הנה בדבר שאלתו על מה ששמע שבישיבות מתירין להתלמידים לגנוב את התשובות להשאלות‬
‫במבחני הסיום שעושה המדינה )רידזענס( כדי להונות ולקבל את התעודות שגמרו בטוב‬
‫‪3‬‬
‫]‪[Rav Moshe responded that three serious prohibitions are being transgressed‬‬
‫]‪ [1#‬הנה דבר זה אסור לא רק מדינא דמלכותא אלא מדין התורה‪ [2#] ,‬ואין זה רק גניבת דעת שג"כ‬
‫אסור כדאמר שמואל בחולין צד‪ ,‬א שאסור לגנוב דעת הבריות ואפילו דעתו של עכו"ם וכ"ש הכא‬
‫שהוא גניבת דעת לכולי עלמא אף לישראל‪ [3#] ,‬אלא דהוא גם גניבת דבר ממש דהא כשירצה לפרנסתו‬
‫במשך הזמן להשכיר עצמו אצל אחד לעבוד בעסקיו ורוצים ברוב הפעמים במי שגמר היטב למודיו‬
‫דחול והוא יראה לו התעודה איך שגמר בטוב ועל סמך זה קבלוהו שזהו גניבת ממון ממש‪.‬‬
‫‪ .10‬ואין לו לטעון ולומר שאף אם קבלוהו לעבוד אצלו אדעתא דהכי הוא כמקפיד על דבר שאינו צריך‬
‫שרשאי לשקר‪:‬‬
‫]‪ [1#‬חדא דאף אם הוא אמת שאין להקפיד הוא ודאי קפידא ובטלה קבלתו‪.‬‬
‫]‪ [2#‬וגם שאסור לשקר בכל אופן אף שאינו נוגע לשום דבר דאינו מהתלת מילי דרשאי לשנות )בב"מ‬
‫כג‪ ,‬ב(‪.‬‬
‫]‪ [3#‬וגם אם ידע שהוא משקר לא היה סומך עליו בכלום ויגרום שיחשוד לאחר כשיחסר איזה דבר‬
‫דאותו לא יחשוד מחמת שלמד בישיבה ומחזיק לת"ח ואיש נאמן ויסלק להאחר ממשרתו אף שהאמת‬
‫שהאחר לא לקח‪ ,‬ואם היה יודע שזה שלמד בישיבה שיקר לו לא היה בטוח לסלק את האחר‪.‬‬
‫]‪ [4#‬ועוד דכאן שמקפידין אינשי ודאי שייך להקפיד דיש ודאי דברים דמי שהוא בקי בלמודי חול הוא‬
‫יותר יודע בעניני עסקי פרנסה ממשא ומתן וממילא ודאי אסור אף למחשבתו שירויח עי"ז בלמוד‬
‫התורה‪ ,‬שגם בשביל למוד התורה אסור לגנוב‪ .‬ואם חשקה נפשו בתורה אין לו לדאוג שמא לא ידע כל‬
‫כך ולא יהיה לו סימן טוב עלייהו‪ .‬אבל האמת שאין בזה ענין בטול תורה דמאחר שהולך ללמוד למודי‬
‫חול הוא רק עצלות בעלמא כשלומד באופן שלא לידע‪ ,‬כי הזמן הוא עכ"פ מבטל‪ ,‬ואדרבה מתרגל שלא‬
‫לידע מה שלומד ומתרגל לעצלות‪.‬‬
‫‪ .11‬אבל ברור שעצם הדבר ששמע מע"כ הוא שקר משונאי הישיבות ומאלו שרוצים להחריב הישיבות‬
‫ולהעליל עלילות ברשע‪ ,‬כי אדרבה ידוע שבני הישיבה הם מאלו שאף בלמודי חול עדיפי מתלמידים‬
‫שלומדים בבתי ספר שלהם‪ ,‬ואל יחוש להשמועות של שקר אף שהיה נכתב זה בעתון מפורסם לשונא‬
‫תורה ויראי ה' ויכול מע"כ לומר בפה מלא שהוא שקר וכזב משונאי תורה ודת ישראל‪.‬‬
‫‪WHAT’S A GOOD STANDARD FOR WHAT TO DISCLOSE‬‬
‫ספר חסידים )סימן תקז(‬
‫‪ [1#] .12‬לא יכסה אדם מום בני ביתו‪ ,‬אם צריכים בניו או קרוביו להזדווג אם יש להם חולי שאילו היו‬
‫יודעים אותם המזדווגים עמהם אותו חולי לא היו מזדווגים יגלה להם פן יאמרו קדושי טעות היו‬
‫אלא יפרידם ולא יהיו ברע יחדיו‪ [2#] ,‬או אם יש מעשים רעים להם שאילו היו יודעים לא היו‬
‫מתחתנים בהם לכך יפרסם‪ [3#] .‬וכן לענין צדקה שאם היו יודעים לא היו נותנים להם הרבה יגיד‬
‫לנותנים‪.‬‬
‫‪WHAT IF HE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN‬‬
‫שולחן ערוך )חושן משפט הלכות אונאה ומקח טעות סימן רכח סעיף ו(‬
‫‪ .13‬אסור לרמות בני אדם במקח וממכר או לגנוב דעתם‪ ,‬כגון אם יש מום במקחו צריך להודיעו‬
‫ללוקח‪ .‬אף אם הוא עובד כוכבים‪ ,‬לא ימכור לו בשר נבילה בחזקת שחוטה‪ .‬ואף לגנוב דעת הבריות‬
‫בדברים‪ ,‬שמראה שעושה בשבילו‪ ,‬ואינו עושה‪ ,‬אסור‪ .‬כיצד‪ ,‬לא יסרהב )בחבירו( שיסעוד עמו‪ ,‬והוא‬
‫יודע שאינו סועד‪ ,‬ולא ירבה לו בתקרובת והוא יודע שאינו מקבל‪ ,‬ולא יפתח חביות הפתוחות לחנוני‪,‬‬
‫וזה סובר שפתחם בשבילו‪ ,‬אלא צריך להודיעו שלא פתחם בשבילו‪ .‬ואם הוא דבר דאי בעי ליה‬
‫לאסוקי אדעתיה שאינו עושה בשבילו‪ ,‬ומטעה עצמו שסובר שעושה בשבילו לכבודו‪ ,‬כגון שפגע בחבירו‬
‫בדרך וסבור זה שיצא לקראתו לכבדו‪ ,‬אין צריך להודיעו‪.‬‬
‫‪4‬‬
‫שו"ת אגרות משה )יורה דעה חלק א סימן ל(‬
‫‪ .14‬בדבר כבדים ששקעו הקצבים בדם כדי שיתראו יפים‪.‬‬
‫בדבר הכבדים שהקצבים משקעין אותם בדם איזה שעות כדי שיתראו יפים נלע"ד פשוט שאין בזה‬
‫שום חשש דהא דרכו בהדחה קודם הצליה משום דם בעין שעליו שכן נהגו כדאיתא ברמ"א )יו"ד סי'‬
‫ע"ו סעי' ב'( כשיטת הראשונים שהביא הר"ן בחולין דף ח'‪ .‬ואף שבדיעבד מותר גם בלא הדחה‪ ,‬מ"מ‬
‫ודאי דרכו בהדחה דכל אדם דרכו לעשות כדין הצריך לכתחלה‪ .‬והא אף בדרכו להדיח לטעם בעלמא‬
‫שלא משום חשש איסור נמי נחשב דרכו להדיח כמפורש באו"ח סי' תמ"ז סעי' ה' עיין שם בט"ז סק"ט‬
‫ובח"י ס"ק כ"ב‪ .‬וכיון שדרכו להדיח אין שום חשש בזה שמשקעין אותו בדם שגם על דם אחר שעליו‬
‫א"צ יותר מהדחה שצריך לעשות לסתם כבד מעצם הדם בעין שעליו‪ ,‬דרק בשמנונית ודוחקא דסכינא‬
‫צריך שפשוף כדאיתא בחו"ד סי' צ"א סק"א בשם הרשב"א‪] .‬עיין שם המשך דבריו[‪.‬‬
‫ולכן אין בזה שום חשש איסור ואף לכתחלה מצד דיני איסור והיתר‪ ,‬אלא אסור להשקיע בדם מצד‬
‫איסור אונאה אם אין יודע הלוקח מזה ולא ידוע שעושין כן המוכרין‪.‬‬
‫שו"ת אגרות משה יורה דעה חלק א סימן לא‬
‫להנ"ל עוד בענין הנ"ל‪.‬‬
‫‪.... .15‬וא"כ אדרבה זה שדם מאוס ושקוץ לכל אדם עושה שלא יהיה שום חשש דודאי אף העוברות על‬
‫דת מדיחות הבשר והכבד שלא ישאר עליהם שום דם בעין מצד מאיסותא וכדבארתי והוכחתי לעיל‪,‬‬
‫וא"כ אין מכשילין בזה שמשקיעין בדם אף לא לבעלי עבירה‪ .‬וממילא מובן שלא שייך לכאן הא דאסור‬
‫למכור דמאי לע"ה דודאי אסור להכשיל באיסורין בידים אף לרשעים ואף לעכו"ם במה שמצוין וכל‬
‫הפלפולים הם למותר בזה אך הכא אין כאן שום מכשול כיון שדרכו בהדחה‪.‬‬
‫ומה שכתב הגר"י קאנאוויץ שיש כאן איסור גזל מחמת שהדם מכביד כמו בשובר מפרקתה‪ ,‬לא מובן‬
‫כלל הא התם הדם נבלע באברים ואינו נראה להקונים אבל הכא שהדם הוא על הבשר שצונן בצונן לא‬
‫נבלע כלום א"כ הוא דבר הנראה להקונה שמותר כמפורש בסוף הזהב שר' אחא מתיר בדבר הנטעם‬
‫ובדבר הנראה ואיפסק כדבריו בכל הפוסקים‪ .‬ובאמת אף אבא שאול לא פליג אלא התם שאינו כ"כ‬
‫דבר הנראה שיש שאין יכולין לשער מראייתן וגם בנטעם שיש שפליגי הוא משום שיש שאין מבינים‬
‫כ"כ אבל בדבר הנראה ממש כגון באם יש שם דם בעין גם אבא שאול מודה‪ ,‬וא"כ מצד משקל הדם‬
‫שע"ג הכבד אין כאן חשש גזל ומותר לכו"ע‪ .‬ומהתימה איך כתב שאין נפקותא אם הדם מכביד בתוך‬
‫הבשר או על הבשר שודאי על הבשר שאני ומותר כמפורש בגמ' ובכל הפוסקים‪.‬‬
‫‪... .16‬וא"כ גם הכבדים שנשתקעו בדם לא נשתנה מראיתם למראה המוכיח בדוקא שמקרוב נשחטו‬
‫אלא שנסתלקו רק ממראה המוכיח בדוקא שמכבר נשחטו לסתם מראה שאין מראיתו מוכיח כלום‬
‫ועדין יש לו להקונה להסתפק שמא מכבר נשחטו ולשאול אותו ולעשות חקירה ודרישה וכשלא שאל‬
‫מחמת שטעה לחשוב שמקרוב נשחט איהו הוא דקא מטעי נפשיה ומותר‪ ,‬ואף שהוא גרם לזה שיטעה‬
‫בעצמו‪ ,‬כמו בהא דחולין וכמו בסחיפת כפלי שמותר מצד איסור אונאה וגניבת דעת‪.‬‬
‫ולכן אין יכולין למחות ביד המוכרי כבדים אף לא מצד איסורי ממון כיון שיותר נוטה שאין בכאן‬
‫איסור אונאה והרבנים המשגיחים שחותמין על הכבדים עושין כדין וכדת שאין בהכשרם אף פקפוק‬
‫כל דהו‪.‬‬
‫?‪May I keep the skeletons in the closet‬‬
‫‪Rabbi Yirmiyohu Kaganoff‬‬
‫?‪WHAT MAY ONE HIDE‬‬
‫?]‪17. What type of information may one withhold [in the context of Shiduchim‬‬
5
KNOWN INFORMATION
18. It is halachically deceitful for a seller to withhold important information that the buyer
cannot find out on his own. The seller is not required, however, to disclose a problem
that the buyer could discover. Furthermore, as long as the buyer could have noticed
something that may arouse attention, there is no geneivas daas and no onaah in making
the sale (Shu"t Igros Moshe, Yoreh Deah 1:31).
For example, if someone is selling a house with a drop ceiling, he is not required to
notify the buyer that there was damage above the ceiling, since a drop ceiling in a
residence should arouse attention. Similarly, if the entire neighborhood is susceptible to
flooding basements, the seller does not need to mention that his basement has a severe
water problem. If the buyer asks directly, the seller must answer honestly (Shu"t Igros
Moshe, Yoreh Deah 1:31).
A similar concept is true concerning shidduchim. For example, if the scandalous
activities of a family member are well known in one’s hometown, one need not tell the
other party since this information could be discovered by asking around (Shu"t Panim
Meiros 1:35). Halachically, when the other party asks neighbors for information about
this potential shidduch, the neighbors should share the requested details. This is a topic
I hope to discuss more fully in a future article.
INSIGNIFICANT INFORMATION
19. A second category of information that need not be revealed includes factors that are
insignificant to the buyer. One is not required to provide an in-depth list of every
shortcoming the merchandise has. Similarly, shidduchim do not require revealing every
possible medical or yichus issue. The Chofetz Chaim distinguishes between a medical
issue one must reveal and a "weakness," which one need not. Thus, someone need not
reveal minor ailments that would not disturb the average person.
Although I know rabbonim who disagree with this position, I feel that juvenile diabetes is
a malady that must be mentioned, whereas hay fever and similar allergies may be
ignored. If one is uncertain whether a specific medical issue is significant enough to
mention, one should ask a shaylah. My usual litmus test is: If the issue is significant
enough that one might want to hide it, it is usually something that one should tell.
6
Frum in the Workplace
Topic: what (and when) to disclose while interviewing
1. Question:
I started giving a shiur on the issues involved with being Frum in the workplace, and was asked
by a few of the attendees how much (if anything) should be disclosed at an interview or before
taking a job about one’s being observant. In particular (by way of example), if the job is
demanding hours-wise, should one be up-front about not being able to work on Shabbos and
Yom Tov? About Kashrut? Etc.
The question is how much to disclose (if anything) and when.
I would love your input on this.
Thank you!
Responses:
2. Three categories
Anonymous
Like most things it's a matter of common sense. But I'd think of 3 categories:
1-[a.] place which has [frum] people already (eg, large law firm): don't see any point in
raising anything. Similarly, [b.] any place where u interview w/ a yarmulke or [c.] your
resume is reasonably obvious to the interviewer, I'd say no need.
2-place which might not be familiar w/ the concept but is large enough to accommodate
(ie, the basic legal requirement: "can be reasonably accommodated")--here i think u
mention after offer. (Shabbos that is/kashrus should be irrelevant unless job is a food
critic or chef....).
3-place where it can't work (eg tiny staff/7 day a week)—don’t interview
[explanation – category 1 – if there are frum people working there already, the
company/firm is able to accommodate and there’s no reason to disclose. If one wears a
kippa or it’s clear from the resume that the person is frum, either of those fulfill your
disclosure requirement of your being frum and there’s no geneivas daas.]
[(‫]וכן מבואר משולחן ערוך )חושן משפט הלכות אונאה ומקח טעות סימן רכח סעיף ו‬
Rabbi Yitzchok Aderstein
3. I don't think there are any requirements to disclose, other than avoiding both sheker and
geneivas da'as. OTOH, it remains an open question as to what is the best policy. Getting the job
and then having to deal with hostility later is not a great place to be. Most candidates I have
known - at least in law firms - have wanted to be up front for that reason.
At a different type of job, where you are not going to have to deal with the interviewer later,
7
and they really are going to have to make the reasonable accommodation required by law, you
can afford to just answer the direct questions directly and not offer more than asked for.
Being sensitive to the relationship being created
Avi Steinlauf
4. Good to hear from you. All is well out here and I trust the same is true with you. Re your
question I’m usually a proponent of being upfront on issues like this so as not to create any ill
will down the road (ie. a feeling that info was deliberately withheld). Obviously a cogent
argument could be made either way and the answer depends heavily on the situation. In my
experience, 9 times out of 10 times, if information is withheld that the interviewer would
have wanted to know, then the work relationship tends to start off on the wrong foot, the
requisite trust is lacking, and it leads to separation.
[(‫]וכן מבואר מספר חסידים )סימן תקז‬
Timing of the disclosure
5. May I keep the skeletons in the closet?
Rabbi Yirmiyohu Kaganoff
WHEN TO TELL [in the context of Shiduchium]?
In most instances, there is no requirement to notify the other party or a shadchan of any
of these blemishes at the time a shidduch is suggested. The Sefer Chassidim, quoted
above, does not mention at what point one must notify the other party of the
shortcoming. Many contemporary poskim contend that one should reveal this
information after the couple has met a few times; about the time the relationship is
beginning to get serious. There is no requirement for the parties to tell a shadchan.
However, if one knows that the other party will reject the shidduch because of this
blemish, I would recommend forgoing this shidduch from the outset. For example, if one
knows that a particular family prides itself on a pure pedigree, don’t pursue a shidduch
with them if you know they will ultimately reject it when they discover that your greatuncle was not observant.
Jeff Kupietzky
6. My advice is not to bring up kashrut or shabbas during the interviews but
once you have the job offer it's recommended before accepting to explain
constraints. The only exception are roles that need shabbat or holiday
commits (say a trader or er doctor). Generally, people will tolerate any
request if it's reasonable, consistent and the person makes up for it in
dedication elsewhere (I.e., I would not suggest someone asking for holidays
off and then say they can't cover sunday or work late). Let me know if I can
help further. Jeff
8
Simon Wolf
7. Here are my quick thoughts. If you would like, we can speak personally in order to
flesh out these ideas.
I think disclosure in an interview has to be viewed on two planes. One is the person's
rights under the law and the other is the relationship being established with the future
employer. Under American law, it is illegal for an employer to consider a person's
gender, religion, age and etc. as part of their determination of the applicant's
qualifications for a job. From this standpoint, there is no obligation by the interviewee to
disclose their religion or religious beliefs and it would be illegal for the interviewer to ask
the applicant about these issues. I think this initial stage is very important since it allows
the candidate to be judged solely on their qualifications without regard to their religion
and religious practices. It prevents preconceived notions of the future employer from
biasing their assessment and opens opportunities to the candidate that might have
otherwise been closed to them.
8. The timing of the next step is sensitive and subjective and needs to be assessed on
an individual and situation basis. Once the interviewee has been selected as the
potential candidate or they have reached a point in the negotiations where it is clear that
they are the preferred candidate (or maybe even right before they sign), I think it is
important to have a frank discussion with the future employer about one's religious
practices and how they will impact on the employee's ability to carry out their job. I think
this step is important for a number of reasons.
[#1] In the end all employment situations involve a relationship (hopefully long term) and
therefore the building of trust is essential to the start and long-term success of such a
relationship. A disclosure of one's religious practices (that will inevitably affect their job)
is significant in establishing a rapport and understanding between the employer and
employee. To omit such information, can unnecessarily sour the relationship or lead to
misunderstandings of expectations or availability.
While this first reason is somewhat more intangible, the next reason is much more
practical and tangible.
[#2] It is important for both the employee and employer to understand the scope of the
job and the ability of the applicant to complete such a job. The potential employee might
realize through such a frank discussion that it won't be in their best interests to take such
a job. It is possible that the candidate didn't consider or properly assess the difficulties
or lifestyle effects that such a job entails. (When asked, I always tell people that being a
shomer Shabbat Jew in the workplace is very doable. The proper question a religious
Jew must ask of themselves is whether they can pray (with a minyan) three times a day,
learn Torah daily, bring up a family and be shomer Shabbat while holding down a
particular job.) On the other hand, it is also important that the employer understands
how the potential employee will be able to accomplish their tasks despite their religious
observance. The candidate needs to assuage the future employer's fears of hiring such
a religious individual or somehow address their preconceived notions about such an
individual. The candidate should if necessary present a case of why despite these
limitations that they are a more qualified candidate (the employee will work additional
time to compensate for the missed time because of religious needs, the employee can
9
work on other's holidays or the candidate's past experience or skill set allow them to
perform at or better than competing candidates despite the religious "handicap").
[#3] The last reason for such a disclosure is that a religious Jew should be operating in
the world under the Torah's guideline of ‫ועשית הישר והטוב‬. This means that their
behavior should wherever possible be above reproach and their actions should be a
‫ 'קידוש ה‬which includes sometimes going beyond the letter of the law to be ‫נמצא חן בעיני‬
‫אלקים ואדם‬.
I hope that helps you
Kol Tuv
How to Break the News….
Aviad Goldvicht
9. This is a very common question we had (in YU business school) when we started working. The
answer is not the same for all and is dependant on different types of jobs. However, the main
line of thinking (in my opinion) is the following:
Firstly, corporations and institutions really respect religious people in general because they are
usually more ethical and committed in their personal life and they believe that they will behave
the same in the work place and that they have priorities in life.
In regards to interviews if we are talking about NYC everyone know what Jews are... and in
general there is no work over the weekends even for gentiles (except investment bankers,
lawyers and the alike) therefore it won't be an issue but in places which aren't that aware of
Jewish customs I think a person should bring it up in a indirect way that they are Jewish (i.e I
went to this school... or yeshiva...or I volunteer here..) that way he can at least let them know
indirectly.
10. In regards to working hours a person should inquire whether they can work over time during
the week to make up for weekend work hours if the job requires. Most places don't mind as
long as the job is done. however, a person (yeshiva boy) has to realize that his day to day life is
going to be very hectic in order to obtain such a job and that's a personal choice. I believe that if
a person comes to an interview and starts rattling off that I can't work on this day and on that
day and the weekends are out his chances of getting the job are close to zero especially when
there are other candidates that don't have this issue. Rather one should explain in short that
he/she is very dedicated and will do what it takes to get the job done but they are religious and
that is their priority in life and therefore won't be able to work 12 hours in a week (assuming the
guy works 12 hour days) but will make it up.
Kashtrut has never been an issue for me personally, i worked in firms with only gentiles i was
the only Jewish guy and they had parties and birthdays etc... and you always can respectfully say
that either you ate already or on a diet or simply explain to them that I only eat Kosher - funny
enough people thought that it was very cool and usually like to hear more about it. In my case
the next event they had they ordered kosher.
10
in regards for working for a non Jewish Boss that asks you to go to McDonald's and pick up lunch
for him reb Moshe has a whole Psak on it that explains how one should handle such a case.
Hope this helps, all the best.
Rabbi Gershon Bess
11. Hi! In the USA it is illegal to fire or not hire because of religious reasons unless it doesn’t
work for such a job. So if it won’t work, of course you have to tell. If it can work, if there is no
contract, then according to halacha he can fire you at any time so it will be their decision
whether to fire. If the person will get stuck [because of the law] it would seem to not be
permitted because you are duping him if the understanding was that the person would be
available.
B’kitzur, this is very hard shailoh. The next time that you are by Rav elyahsiv, ask him. Or ask a
rav Nussbaum from Rav Yaakov Hillel’s kollel
11
19 cheshvan 5769
May I keep the skeletons in the closet?
Rabbi Yirmiyohu Kaganoff
Dedicated to the memory of Rachel bat Yakot
Question:
Mrs. Weiss (not her real name) called me to discuss the following sensitive
matter:
"I was once treated successfully for a serious disease. My grandmother had the
same illness, yet lived in good health to a ripe old age. The doctors feel that my
daughter should be checked regularly from a fairly young age for this same
disease. She is now entering the shidduchim parsha. Must I reveal this family
information to shadchanim and/or to the families of potential chassanim, and, if
so, at what point must I disclose this information? I am truly concerned that this
could seriously complicate her shidduch possibilities."
We all have medical, personal, and/or genealogical issues we want to keep
private. What information must we reveal about ourselves while arranging
shidduchim for our children (or for ourselves)? And at what point must we
disclose it?
Obviously, each individual must ask his or her own halachic authority how to
proceed, as one should do with all shaylos. This article is to explain the halachic
issues, so that we can present our shaylos in a clearer way.
What halachic issues are involved?
Before we analyze these cases, we need to elucidate several halachic areas. We
can divide the questions into three subtopics:
I. Emes – Honesty
II. Geneivas daas – Misleading someone
III. Onaah – Fraud
I. EMES – HONESTY
A person must maintain total integrity in all his dealings – after all, the Torah
commands us to emulate Hashem in all our deeds – and His seal is truth
(Shabbos 55a). Someone who is meticulously honest will merit receiving the
presence of the Shechinah (see Sotah 42a).
One certainly may not be untruthful without any reason and may certainly not do
so when it deceives or causes someone personal or financial harm. For example,
12
one may not deny having damaged someone else’s property. Similarly, a person
may not blame fictitious excess traffic for a tardy arrival at work when he just left
home too late. For the same reason, one may not deceive someone about a
shidduch by misinforming the other party. I will explain the details of this halacha
shortly.
HONESTY IS NOT ALWAYS THE BEST POLICY
Notwithstanding the responsibility to be straightforward, there are specific
situations where the Torah advises one to be imprecise. For example, it is more
important to avoid (1) creating machlokes, (2) embarrassing someone, or (3)
hurting a person’s feelings or reputation than it is to disclose the entire truth
(Bava Metzia 23b, with Rif and Tosafos). In situations where a full exposé may
lead to one of these negative results, one should omit the detrimental
information, although it is preferable to avoid fabricating a story (see Chofetz
Chaim, Hilchos Rechilus 1:8).
If there is no choice, it is even preferable to fabricate a story rather than
embarrass someone or hurt his feelings or reputation. If machlokes may result if
one answers candidly, one must modify the truth, rather than create ill feeling
(Yevamos 65b).
Similarly, if I am asked about someone’s personal habits, I may modify my
answer if the truth might reveal private information the person might not want
divulged (Maharal, Bava Metzia 23b).
II. GENEIVAS DAAS – MISLEADING SOMEONE
Geneivas daas, literally, "stealing a mind," means creating a false impression –
that is, deluding another person’s perception of reality. The Gemara rules "Asur
lignov daas habriyos, It is prohibited to steal someone’s mind" (Chullin 94a). One
example of this is someone who acts as a big tzaddik in front of people but is
less halachically meticulous in private (Tosafos, Bechoros 31a, s.v. ika). This
unwarranted display of righteousness is a form of deception. Another example is
a gentile who asked his Jewish landlord to place a mezuzah on his door; Rav
Moshe Feinstein prohibited placing an invalid mezuzah on the door because of
geneivas daas (Shu"t Igros Moshe, Yoreh Deah 1:184).
A different type of geneivas daas is misleading someone to feel indebted when it
is unwarranted. An example of this is begging someone to join you for a meal
when you know he will not accept (Chullin 94a, as explained by Orach Meisharim
24:5) -- the invited party feels obligated to reciprocate.
Geneivas daas can happen in shidduch situations as well, such as by implying
that one intends to provide financial support when he/she has no intention or
13
ability to do so, or by presenting a bochur as a big masmid or talmid chacham
when he is not (see Shu"t Chasam Sofer, Even HaEzer 82).
III. ONAAH -- FRAUD
Misrepresenting a product or service in order to make a sale is a form of
cheating, such as painting an item to hide a defect. A modern instance of onaah
is insider trading, purchasing or selling a stock or commodity based on
information that is unavailable to the public. This is forbidden unless one notifies
the other party of this information.
In shidduchim the same rule is true: Subject to some exceptions, which I will
explain shortly, one must notify the other party of information that might be of
concern. I will refer to this information as "blemishes," although they are not
blemishes in the usual sense.
MEKACH TA’US – INVALIDATING THE MARRIAGE
The most serious ramification of withholding required information about
shidduchim, or worse, of being deceptive, is that this can even result (in certain
extreme cases) in a halachically invalid marriage. (This indeed applies to any
contracted arrangement – an unrevealed serious blemish brings about a mekach
ta’us, because the two parties never agreed to the arrangement as it indeed
exists.)
Here are a few interesting examples:
If someone specifies that his new wife should have no vows (nedarim) and finds
that she is bound by neder to abstain from meat, wine, or nice clothes, the
kiddushin is annulled (Kesubos 72b)! A husband wants his wife to enjoy life, and
refraining from these activities may disturb the happiness of their marriage.
OTHER SERIOUS BLEMISHES
To quote the words of the Sefer Chassidim, "When arranging matches for your
children or other family members, do not hide medical issues from the other party
to which they would object enough to decline the shidduch, lest they afterward
choose to annul the marriage. You should also tell them about deficiencies in
halachic observances that are significant enough that the other party would have
rejected the marriage (#507)."
CAN’T SMELL
Another example of unrevealed information that invalidates a marriage is a
woman’s failure to notify her future husband that she has no sense of smell,
since this flaw hampers her ability to prepare tasty meals. Similarly, a profession
14
that causes a man’s body to have a foul odor is sufficient reason to invalidate the
marriage (Kesubos 76a).
Withholding information concerning an inability to have children is certainly a
mekach ta’us. In this last situation, a physician who is aware that his patient
cannot have children is required to reveal this information to the other side, even
though this violates patient confidentiality (Shu"t Tzitz Eliezer 16:4).
WHEN TO TELL?
In most instances, there is no requirement to notify the other party or a shadchan
of any of these blemishes at the time a shidduch is suggested. The Sefer
Chassidim, quoted above, does not mention at what point one must notify the
other party of the shortcoming. Many contemporary poskim contend that one
should reveal this information after the couple has met a few times; about the
time the relationship is beginning to get serious. There is no requirement for the
parties to tell a shadchan.
However, if one knows that the other party will reject the shidduch because of
this blemish, I would recommend forgoing this shidduch from the outset. For
example, if one knows that a particular family prides itself on a pure pedigree,
don’t pursue a shidduch with them if you know they will ultimately reject it when
they discover that your great-uncle was not observant.
WHAT MAY ONE HIDE?
What type of information may one withhold?
KNOWN INFORMATION
It is halachically deceitful for a seller to withhold important information that the
buyer cannot find out on his own. The seller is not required, however, to disclose
a problem that the buyer could discover. Furthermore, as long as the buyer could
have noticed something that may arouse attention, there is no geneivas daas
and no onaah in making the sale (Shu"t Igros Moshe, Yoreh Deah 1:31).
For example, if someone is selling a house with a drop ceiling, he is not required
to notify the buyer that there was damage above the ceiling, since a drop ceiling
in a residence should arouse attention. Similarly, if the entire neighborhood is
susceptible to flooding basements, the seller does not need to mention that his
basement has a severe water problem. If the buyer asks directly, the seller must
answer honestly (Shu"t Igros Moshe, Yoreh Deah 1:31).
A similar concept is true concerning shidduchim. For example, if the scandalous
activities of a family member are well known in one’s hometown, one need not
tell the other party since this information could be discovered by asking around
15
(Shu"t Panim Meiros 1:35). Halachically, when the other party asks neighbors for
information about this potential shidduch, the neighbors should share the
requested details. This is a topic I hope to discuss more fully in a future article.
INSIGNIFICANT INFORMATION
A second category of information that need not be revealed includes factors that
are insignificant to the buyer. One is not required to provide an in-depth list of
every shortcoming the merchandise has. Similarly, shidduchim do not require
revealing every possible medical or yichus issue. The Chofetz Chaim
distinguishes between a medical issue one must reveal and a "weakness," which
one need not. Thus, someone need not reveal minor ailments that would not
disturb the average person.
Although I know rabbonim who disagree with this position, I feel that juvenile
diabetes is a malady that must be mentioned, whereas hay fever and similar
allergies may be ignored. If one is uncertain whether a specific medical issue is
significant enough to mention, one should ask a shaylah. My usual litmus test is:
If the issue is significant enough that one might want to hide it, it is usually
something that one should tell.
At this point, we can discuss Mrs. Weiss’ shaylah asked above:
"I was once treated successfully for a serious disease. My grandmother had the
same illness, yet lived in good health to a ripe old age. The doctors feel that my
daughter should be checked regularly from a fairly young age for this same
disease. She is now entering the shidduchim parsha. Must I reveal this family
information to shadchanim and/or to the families of potential chassanim, and, if
so, at what point must I disclose this information? I am truly concerned that this
could seriously complicate her shidduch possibilities."
If you have the same or a similar question, I refer you to your own rov. Most
poskim with whom I discussed the shaylah contended that one should reveal this
information to the other side after the couple has gotten to know one another and
is interested in pursuing the relationship. One rov disagreed. He contended that
since the problem can be caught early and treated successfully, one need not
divulge this information at all. All opinions agree that one has absolutely no
obligation to mention this information to a shadchan.
Almost all of us have shaylos regarding what we are required or not required to
disclose about shidduchim. May we all have only nachas from our children and
their families!