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The World According to
T-Pain is
currently
hard at
work on his
latest disc,
Stoicville:
The Phoenix
H H H Spotting Fugazi H H H
What They Said, What EbenGregory Thinks They Mean
My name...EbenGregory.
I always tell the truth so I don’t have to
remember anything. PS, I come in peace.
HHH The
I Can See Your Tiddays Awards HHH
Because Scientists Now Believe That The Primary Biological Function Of Breasts Is To Make People Stupid
Dear Ladyfriend,
I can see your tiddays. Excuse my crassness but I wanted
this to be uncomfortable. The reason I can see your tiddays
is because you once made a decision between alternative
courses of action in a situation of certain uncertainty. Reread that. I can see your tiddays because you probably suffer
from decision fatigue. See, decision fatigue explains why
ordinarily sensible people like you knowingly make the
wrong decision. The very act of making decisions depletes
our ability to make them well so how do we navigate a
world of endless choices? Sometimes you don’t... and you
end up taking a tidday pic. But here’s what you forgot. What
you think and do privately will reflect who you are publicly.
You forgot that the mice think they are right, but my cat
eats them anyways, which is the point because reality is
nothing and perception is everything. You forgot that the
one trouble with trouble is that is usually starts out like fun.
Ladyfriend, you forgot if you let other people do it for you,
they will do it to you. You forgot that if you take your life in
your own hands, guess what happens? A terrible thing: No
one to blame. You forgot that you can’t drive into the future
using your rearview mirror. You forgot that if you could
kick the person in the pants who’s responsible for most of
your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month. You forgot that
no snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible. You
forgot that everyone must choose one of two pains: The
pain of discipline or the pain of regret. You forgot that about
the only time losing is more fun than winning is when
you’re fighting temptation. You forgot... you have just as
many hours in a day as Beyoncé. You forgot that it’s what
no one knows about you that allows you to know yourself.
Gabby said, “It has come to our attention that our private
moments, that were shared and deleted solely between my
husband and myself, have been leaked by some vultures.
I can’t help but to be reminded that since the dawn of time
women and children, specifically women of color, have been
victimized, and the power over their own bodies taken from
them.” I say she made a decision to take tidday selfie pics
and now deals with an uncertainty that is now certainly
happening. Meagan said, “I’m definitely in shock. Saddened
for everyone who is experiencing this. But I choose not
to give the persons responsible my power. At the end of
the day, we all know these pictures were for my husband.
And at the end of the day, evidently we all know how I feel
about my t-----s. That’s all I’ve got folks. Oh yeah, and for
everyone who’s re-posting the leaked nudes? You should
be ashamed of yourself. You have a blessed day now.” I say
she probably thinks private lives are more important than
public reputations. In any event, my takeaway from seeing
your tiddays is that making a decision to take tidday selfie
pics is also making a decision to deal with an uncertainty
that is certainly bound to certain. This was a column about
nothing. Luv.
young thug
k.michelle
“It’s the language. It’s
nothing stupid and fruity
going on. It’s the way
we talk, it’s the way we
live. Those are my baes,
those are my lovers, my
hubbies, whatever you
want to call them. Certain
stuff should never cross
your mind. But at the
same time, that’s your
opinion to say what you
want to say.”
“Let me tell you something,
Soulja Boy. ‘Cause I know
you’re gonna hear this. What
you’re not gonna do is lie
on my hot pocket. When I
do something, I say I did it
and that’s what it is. So that
giggling… We don’t wanna
giggle about that transgender
in Atlanta. Giggle, giggle, now
crank that. You don’t play
when it comes to me and my
hot pocket.”
- Young Thug explaining
why he calls his homies
and friends bae, hubby,
lover and things of the
sort.
- K.Michelle going in on
Soulja Boy after he hinted at
flat-backing her in the not
so distant past.
What EbenGregory Thinks
They Mean: Nicknames
are masks that allow us to
unmask ourselves.
What EbenGregory
Thinks They Mean: Where
I’m from...when truth is
replaced by silence, the
silence is a lie. Free jewelry.
chris brown
iggy azalea
“I don’t have a sex tape but
for the record... Anyone who
releases or attempts to profit
off someone else’s intimate
moments against their will
is a sex offender. It honestly
makes me sick to see the
media encourage any other
attitude towards those sorts
of people. We should want to
protect our women.”
- Iggy Azalea in a series of
tweets after a sex tape she
made back in the day surfaced
back into her present.
What EbenGregory Thinks
They Mean: My homie once
made a sex tape, and even
fully erect, he still had to shoot
it four times just to get some
“footage.” But you don’t hear
me doe.
“I think it’s all about the
choices you make. With me,
I deal with a lot of anger
issues from my past – not
knowing how to express
myself verbally and at the
same time not knowing how
to cope with my emotions
and deal with them and
understand what they are.”
- Chris Brown playing
mentor to Ray Rice while
stepping forward to offer
some insight on dealing
with anger.
What EbenGregory
Thinks They Mean:
My advice for a person
who’s just fallen out of a
skyscraper window is, flap
your arms... faster.
H H H Top 10 Column - This Week H H H
Top Ten Things EbenGregory’s
Ladyfriends Should Consider
Before Taking A Tidday Selfie Pic
10. It’s just as difficult to live in a self-made hell of privacy as it is to live in a selfmade hell of publicity.
9. Being natural is such a very difficult pose to keep up.
8. When it comes to privacy and accountability, people always demand the
former for themselves and the latter for everyone else.
7. A tidday pic is an invitation into another person’s privacy. Real talk.
6. People are quick to judge, but slow to correct themselves.
5. If you are in a bad relationship with anyone else, it is because you are in a bad
relationship with yourself.
4. Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
3. When it comes to privacy and accountability, people always demand the
former for themselves and the latter for everyone else.
2. B is for Breasts, of which ladies have two; once prized for the function, now for
the view. Rim shot please.
In the kingdom of glass everything
is transparent, EbenGregory
1.
All human beings have three lives: public, private, and secret.
Signed,
62 HIP HOP WEEKLY
EbenGregory
Want More Jewelry Man? Get some at www.EbenGregory.com
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