Accelerate to Activate Published: Author:
Accelerate to Activate Published: Eric Bailey Global Author: Eric Bailey CEO of Eric Bailey Global Email: [email protected] Website: www.EricBaileyGlobal.com Copyright Eric Bailey Global © 2013 Eric Bailey Global About the author: Eric Bailey has helped over 2 million people around the world to live their dreams and achieve meaningful success. • The World’s Number One Activational Speaker. • Ranked in the top 10% of speakers in the world (CSP). • Works with: Fortune 500 companies, Not For Profit Organisations, Schools, and individuals who want to reach their true potential. Contents Introduction4 Step 1: Show Up! 8 Step 2: Increase Your Appetite! 12 Step 3: Stop Sleeping with the Enemy! 18 Introduction: Welcome to Accelerate to Activate! Have you ever found yourself wanting more out of life? Or found yourself wondering whether you’ll be stuck in your job or your circumstance forever? This book has been written specifically for you. It is an action guide that will take you from where you are now, to where you want to be. Because if you follow the steps outlined in this book and follow the Daily tasks in the Activate Now workbook section, you can confidently expect your life to turn around. As the World’s Number One Activational Speaker and a performance coach, the worst thing is to hear people telling me their hopes and dreams, then telling me they can’t do them. They list all the reasons why they believe their dreams will always be just that: dreams, alongside rainbow unicorns and other make believe creations. People sabotage their own dreams because maybe they believed someone who told them they couldn’t do it. Maybe they believed that they weren’t worth it. I’m sick of people giving up before they’ve even begun the fight. But you’re different, because you want to change, which is why you’re reading this right now. Am I right? How would you like to tap into your true potential, get passionate and achieve more of your personal goals than you ever thought possible? Well I’m here to tell you that not only can you change, but that you can experience radical breakthroughs in all areas of your life, professionally and personally. How do I know? From working with literally millions of people around the world and seeing it happen daily, weekly and monthly. Here are just a few comments from some of the men, women and young adults that I have worked with: “ You have shown me another way to live my life” “Thanks Eric… After years of no Vision and no plan you got me back on track!” “…you will feel like your life is now totally in your control and you are equipped to handle it all” “I never believed in coaching until you helped me find a job and repair my marriage.” - Harvey - Tom Wesley - Michael Younger - Peter Robinson “My husband and I thank you for what you have shown us. We believe in the ‘happily ever after’ now because we have the skills to deal with conflict and each other. I feel and look 20 years younger.” - Beth Shaw “I just wanted to let you know that you changed my life…” -Beth, Student “Really inspirational - he helped me to be more determined and work towards my dream.” – Gemma Woolley, Caulfield Grammar Student “ You saved my life, I was going to do something really stupid after school today... I was planning to get as high as I could even if it ended up fatal. I didn’t care… but the fact is that you made me live for at least one extra day... Thank you” -Student in pain (name withheld for privacy) “The impact he had on our work group was amazing and it was the topic of discussion for many weeks in the office.” - Julie Willett, Administration Assistant, Toowoomba “I came away feeling recharged, inspired and more importantly, a winning attitude. Thanks Eric.” - Lisa Broadbent, Executive Assistant, Parsons Brinckerhoff “I am a young, black Zimbabwean lady and as a result I experienced a lot of discrimination and racism at the school I was teaching at. During the week before the conference, I had decided to quit the teaching profession, however, I still had to attend the conference as the school had booked and paid for it in previous months. Your talk helped to rekindle the love and passion I had for teaching children which was the very last ingredient I needed after all the other good practical lectures I’d had throughout the weekend, for where there is no love, there is nothing. I have been teaching now with that passion and love for over a year. I love my job and I love my kids :)” - Michelle,Teacher Qld Education “We would have no problem in using Eric in the future and would commend his services to other businesses who wish to enhance the team strengths within their own companies.” - Jacky Symes, Director, Triasx Pty Ltd “Again I am eternally indebted to you for turning my life around and giving me the kick up the bum to move myself into a happy life because you taught me that I deserve it……. So I thank you from the bottom of my heart.” - Tracey Fairley, Corporate Services Manager, PRA Management Unit “I don’t think that I have ever seen an auditorium of 500 delegates so moved and I have attended over 20 years of corporate conferences. The audience was on their feet, some people with tears in their eyes at the conclusion of Eric’s dynamic and moving presentation.” - Suzane Emanuele, Director, Watermark Real Estate Xchange Winning strategies revealed In this book I am going to share with you some of the strategies and methods that I have used to create massive positive changes not only in my life, but in the lives of my friends, colleagues and clients like those you have just read about above. To ensure that you get started I have included a workbook component that will Activate you and help to make this your best year ever! Now as you’re reading this, I don’t know where you’re coming from. Maybe you’re not where you want to be or doing something you don’t want to do, and maybe you feel trapped. Maybe you think that where you are is all you deserve. I want you to start this year knowing that there is another way. You‘ve all read or heard about Henry Ford – he developed the first cars and permanently revolutionized transportation globally. He once said “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.” And this is so true. So it’s time to get your head right. Are you ready? My Aim For You: I want this year to be different for you. I want it to be the year where, as Thoreau said, you can “go confidently in the direction of your dreams”. I want you to improve your mindset and transform your belief levels in what you can accomplish. That’s what this book is about. And I honestly believe it’s possible because I’ve seen it happen so many times. How It Works: This book will tackle some common things that are holding you back from achieving the success that you dream of, and deserve. It is divided into three simple steps that will get you activated. The Activate Now sections at the end of each chapter will help you maximize the benefits of everything you read. It’s a place to capture key concepts and create some concrete steps for moving forward. Socrates once said that an unexamined life is not worth living, so in these sections there will be places for your own reflections on your life, your dreams, where you have gone and where you hope to be. Consider these parts as daily ‘assignments’. If you follow the assigned tasks, you will start to notice positive change in your life, guaranteed. I hope all this will be as helpful to you as it was to me. Thank you for reading and let’s get started! Step 1: Show Up! ow to H Get Yourself in the Game. Do you ever find yourself wanting more out of life? I know I did. And I was able to change my circumstances are turn my life around. In this chapter you will learn a couple of things I’ve found useful and effective in my life and career as a professional athlete, an Activational Speaker and Success Coach. You will learn: How to break through problems How to improve your life quickly How you will overcome your circumstances, no matter how rough. That sounds good, right? These are positive, concrete steps that will help you get in the game and overcome start following your dreams. Don’t you think everyone could use a little more of that once in a while? And this isn’t just fluff either. All the knowledge and information in this book comes from valuable lessons I’ve learned along my own journey. Things I’ve learned through tough experience. A LOSING GAME, TURNED AROUND I can remember when I was playing for the Hobart Devils in the NBL we had the league’s worst record. Something pathetic like 1 win and 16 losses. We had the best team in the competition coming into our world with the league’s best record of 19 wins and 1 loss. The night before the game, some of the players were saying things like: “If we can just manage to not lose by more than 20 points then that would be acceptable.” You see, some people in life expect to lose. They expect to lose because they’ve been watching from the sidelines, always making excuses why they’re getting the same results. And then getting down on themselves for it. Have you ever heard someone say: “If it wasn’t for bad luck I would have no luck at all!” Or, “It’s going to be a bad day, I can feel it”. If this is your mindset, then don’t leave the house! Right before the game, I confronted my teammates. I told them that if they want to call themselves champions or contenders for the title, that no matter who or what the odds are, they must believe in their own ability, believe in the team’s ability. And most importantly, show up and give everything you have in the tank. Because we showed up, we won by 2 points. I hit the winning shot with 3 seconds to go in the game. Because when you at least show up, you put yourself in a position to achieve great things. That first step is an act of faith. Take that first step. Who knows what this year holds for you? But if you’re mentally preparing to sit on the bench and just “see what happens” or do exactly what you did last year, then you have already lost. Don’t think too hard, don’t complicate it or give up before you’ve even begun. Just show up, that’s it. If you’re reading this book, I want to give yourself a little mental round of applause. Because that’s you showing up. You’re in the game and making the effort to make the change. No matter what’s going on in your life, you must show up for battle every day. I grew up in South Central Los Angeles. For those of you who have never visited, saying it could be a little rough at times would be an understatement. As a child in South Central Los Angeles, there was endless negative conversation about my circumstances, my neighborhood, my environment. It was all negative. When you hear something repeated to you over and over, you start to believe it, right? All us kids believed that this was it; South Central was our life. It was all we knew and it would always be all we ever knew. I’ll paint a picture of it for you: in the 1970s, there was a massive loss of jobs in South Central LA. The manufacturing industry collapsed. There was widespread unemployment, and poverty and street crime were rapidly on the rise. You might have heard of the street gangs the Crips and the Bloods – both born out of South Central. It became a very violent, very dangerous place. Poverty was 11% and rising steadily. There was a high incidence of preventable diseases. Schools were violent and not adequately resourced. The rate of gang-related homicides was increasing too. In an area of 30 square miles, there were 70 gang related murders in one year. This was a place where it was easy to feel marginalized from the rest of the country. A lot of young people had no ambition. Everyone figured they would either end up dead or in jail. I know that’s what I thought. When your life is surrounded by poverty and crime, you see other people living outside of that and they seem a whole world away. Like there’s a giant thick glass dome over the neighborhood. Dreaming that you’ll get out of it can seem like the most foolish thing in the world. I wonder how many people talk themselves out of even dreaming of a better future before they’ve even tried? Make no mistake – In South Central Los Angeles, if I ever wanted to have more, do more, and be more, I had to show up everyday. I had to show up to class, I had to show up to basketball practice, I had to show up even when I didn’t feel like it. I put myself out there to be ready and willing to learn and to better myself every single day because I knew that’s what it would take if I ever wanted to make something of myself. Showing up announces to yourself that nothing is impossible to achieve as long as you put yourself in the GAME. As a professional athlete, for me this was always the first step to getting that victory. Getting my mind ready, suiting up and being prepared to play. I focused on my strengths and I planned to use them to the best of my ability to win. I once heard someone say, “If you don’t play, you can’t lose.” We all know that’s true. So many people across the world are crippled by this attitude. People focus on the negative because they’re afraid of failure, because they don’t think they deserve anything different. What this person needed to realize is that “If you don’t play, you can’t win”. Being short sighted and only focusing on the negative will never open your life up for change. For change to happen, you can’t be passive. For change to happen, you need to take a new and different course of action. You all have goals and aspirations and you want to achieve them. But remember this - Every single person who ever achieved anything in life started by showing up. That’s the first step. Put yourself in the game. That means get out of bed. Get off the couch. Put your shoes on. It’s time to go out and chase that dream of yours! Whether that be taking a business class, going for a stroll at the park, joining a writers group, calling the bank for a loan, taking some music lessons, calling the realtor about a property, or registering yourself for a comedy slot at an open mic night. You need to ACTIVATE your potential. As Henry Ford said, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.” So it’s time to make a change, to make a decision to do something different and this is the first step. Show up. Put yourself in the game. ACTIVATE NOW! Complete the following exercise and take action! The first part is a series of questions for you to explore and reflect on where you have been, how far you have come. This is a tool for you to get your bearings, and to assess your own situation. 1. What is your daily level of happiness? State a reason why you think this is. _________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ 2. What did you want to be when you were kid? _________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ 3. Why did you choose to work at your current job? _________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ 4. If you had a million dollars, what changes would you make in your life? _________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ 5. If you only had 6 more months to live, what would you change in your life? _________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ 6. Do you choose to spend time reading and learning every day? _________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ 7. What’s been the one thing that you have wanted to do but haven’t even showed up to do the first things to achieve it? _________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________________________ 8. With the above answer in mind, list two things you could do right now. (I’m talking, before you get up from the computer!) that you could do to in the direction of achieving that goal. Whether that be as simple as looking up a course online, calling up an old friend for some information, emailing someone, registering for something. Whatever it is, take one little action. What are the first two baby steps you could take? 1. ________________________________________________________________________________________ 2.________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________ DAILY CHALLENGE Find one small action step you could do every day that would bring you closer to achieving your goal. Make this small action a priority in your schedule, in attaining your dream. Show up. You’ll be amazed what happens. Guaranteed. Step 2: Increase Your Appetite! ow to H Aim Higher. Have you ever gone into a situation with low expectations? Have you ever got out of bed and started a day with a heavy heart, thinking it’s not going to be that great? Before I was a professional speaker, I needed to address this problem in my own life. I needed to aim high, or I wouldn’t have ended up sharing a stage with world political leaders, billionaire entrepreneurs, world class athletes, media moguls and New York Times bestselling authors including: Sir Richard Branson Former Prime Minister John Howard Eddie Macguire Timothy Ferriss Jamie McIntyre Ben Johnson Serena Williams I had an attitude of high expectations, and I ended up sharing a stage with some of the most influential people in the world. And I’m not claiming to be anything special here: I’m just a regular guy who learned what you can achieve when you change your expectations from low, to high. Here’s the scoop: It’s not safe, to play it safe. Right now I can hear you asking, ‘What? Don’t play it safe? But we’re always told to play it safe!’ I’m telling you, when it comes to you setting goals, don’t play it safe. People who fail – you want to know why they fail? Most people don’t fail because they aim too high and miss. They fail because they aim too low and HIT. When I was ten years of age I was almost 6 foot tall. At school, my teacher said we’re going to do an exercise. She made us draw a picture of what we say ourselves doing in the next ten years. Then afterwards, we were going to stand up at the front of the class and share the vision we had for our future. I must have stared at that paper for twenty minutes and had no idea what to draw. Finally I drew something and the activity ended. We shared afterwards. Other boys shared what they wanted to be. Some drew astronauts. Some drew firemen. Some drew the President. I got to the front of the class and showed my picture. I had drawn myself in a jail cell. Next to that I drew a headstone. A grave. I had no vision because I let the world dictate to me where I would end up. We need to dream bigger than what we see. That’s what vision is. The world told me that I wasn’t going to make it out of South Central Los Angeles. The world told me I would never play professional basketball. Low expectations are your worst enemy. Read that last part again. Low expectations are your worst enemy. There are too many people who achieve too little because too little is expected of them. Have you ever had a teacher at school who had low expectations of you, who thought you probably weren’t going to perform very well? Chances are, you didn’t do your best work. Alternatively, have you ever had a teacher who demanded that you do your best? A teacher who challenged you and wouldn’t let you off the hook until you had delivered results that surprised yourself ? High expectations deliver results. As a pro athlete in the off-season I worked out hard and then began to develop a huge appetite for results. I liked the fact that I was getting faster, stronger, leaner. I was hungry for great results. In the same way, I want you to be hungry for great results. You need to know the benefits of what you’re doing and have a vision for the results because you won’t necessarily get to see the results immediately. Just like training during the offseason, you are getting ready so that when it’s game time, you are ready to roll. Recent research underlines the importance of desire. It may seem obvious, but it indicated that desire was the major ingredient necessary for goal achievement. Desire. Not intelligence. Not wealth. Not natural talent. Not even ability. Desire. More often than not, the people who achieve their goals are no more blessed with superior talents or abilities than you and me. These people succeed through sheer determination, focus and perseverance. They have massive appetites for results. You look around the world and in the media and see a string of faces of great people doing great things. You need to realize they are no different to you or I. These are ordinary people. They just had enough desire, enough hunger to go out and achieve their goals. And make no mistake, this is not about simply hoping. The word hoping doesn’t quite cut it. I’m talking about an intense appetite for results. You must strive to have a hunger and thirst for knowledge. You must want it so much that the waiter will have to tell you that the buffet is closed. One thing I’ve told many of my clients before is to: “Dream 10 times bigger than the expectations of your friends, family, and competitors.” kipping S Lunch We’ve all skipped lunch before. You know the feeling when you’ve missed lunch and your stomach is growling and beginning to ache. You can’t focus, and soon every television commercial for any kind of food looks absolutely delicious! Am I right? You know what I’m talking about! And then after a while you can’t take it anymore – you drop everything and you go and get yourself some lunch. When you’re at that point, you’ll stop at nothing, for no one, until you’ve had your lunch. I want you to be that hungry for results. I want you to feel the growling of your stomach and want great results so badly you can taste it. Aim high. A lot of you will feel butterflies in your stomach when you hear that. We can be timid dreamers sometimes. We don’t want to set our sights too high because we fear we might fail. But too often we fill ourselves with junk food, short term things or activities that satisfy us in the short-term, but in the long run, damage our health and very soon after, we’re in worse shape and feeling hungry again. These are things that promise what we want, but don’t deliver, things like drinking, shallow relationships, partying, escapism… any kind of activity or escape that stops you from being hungry… but also stops you from achieving your goals. Don’t distract yourself and don’t feed yourself garbage, get hungry for real results that will satisfy. T he ‘But Habit One habit we need to get out of is the ‘but’ habit. We consider where we want to be in one, two or ten years and then put a BUT right next to it, cosied up next to our favourite excuses why we cant do what we want to do or why we aren’t where we want to be. Let yourself off the hook for a moment. Dream without making any excuses for anything. It’s almost as if everyone were so afraid of success that they would be willing to do everything in their power to avoid it. Don’t be afraid of success of or having dreams and goals and chasing them down with every effort of your being. Aim high. Aim as high as you like. Aim ten times higher than the expectations of your friends, family and competitors. You’ll be surprised at the results. Mindtraps What’s one thing that you think limits us in our pursuit of our goals? Money? Network? Job? We’re limited by our attitude, not our opportunities. The only thing holding you back is your attitude and the mind traps you allow in your own head. Have you ever thought about the limitations you place on yourself ? Have you ever done something and then thought, there wasn’t anything to it! I could have done this all along! I know a young man who always wanted to go to England. Always, he was planning on going there and he always found a reason why he couldn’t. Like he needed to fix his car, he needed to move house, he needed to change jobs, all these things he set up in his own mind as reasons why he couldn’t go. He would just tell himself, ‘next year, I’ll go.’ Remember the saying “tomorrow never comes”? It finally took a major family event taking place in London for him to go. He finally went, and when he was there, he realized it was no problem. It wasn’t hard. It was easy. He could have gone all along, if he’d chosen to. All he had to do was take action. He was terrified because he’d been believing negative people with negative thoughts about why he couldn’t or shouldn’t go, why it would be too hard. The traps, the things stopping him, only really existed because he believed they existed. Don’t aim low and HIT. AIM HIGHER. Dare to increase your appetite for success! Because… othing N Is Impossible There was a wise French writer who lived centuries ago who said, “Nothing is impossible; there are ways that lead to everything, and if we had sufficient will we should always have sufficient means. It is often merely for an excuse that we say things are impossible.” Nothing is impossible. He said that in the 1600s but it’s as true today as it was then. What were those things that you always wanted to do but talked yourself out of ? That thing you really love, and at some point along your journey, someone told you that you wouldn’t be any good or it wouldn’t work out and you believed them – what was that thing? I want you to think about that and unlock that old dream. I’m not just talking about wishful thinking either. Wishful thinking is just good intentions, a vague desired outcome, but with no strategy for achieving it. There’s a difference between vaguely wanting something to happen and following a systematic approach to making it happen. Increase your appetite for success, and then make sure you have a plan to implement it. But remember, the plan is secondary. What matters now is the vision itself – having the vision and the big dream to chase. Talking to a professional Success Coach is one of the things that can help with that. Or at least having a mentor, someone to give you support and encouragement and direction and ultimately keep you accountable and on track. Often to save time and energy it helps to have role models to accelerate the pace of your success. Find people who are already getting the sorts of results you would like to see in your own life. Find out what that person is doing and how they got to be where they are. Once you’ve found that, try to do the same things and get the same results. If you knew a better life was possible and your dreams were within reach what would it take for you to make that first step? Remember that your dream – is not out of your reach! Leave what’s in the past in the past and let’s move forward! ACTIVATE NOW! Complete the following exercise and take action! 1. I want you to create goals and high expectations in the following areas. Write down a specific goal next to each. Your emotional life_______________________________________________________________________________ Your mental life_________________________________________________________________________________ Your spiritual life________________________________________________________________________________ Your physical life________________________________________________________________________________ Your social life__________________________________________________________________________________ Your financial life_______________________________________________________________________________ You should begin to see a pretty clear vision in your mind of where you want to be. Make these goals personal and chase them down. Be hungry for change and be hungry for results. 2. Think for five minutes then list some areas where you’re aiming low, or suffering from low expectations. ______________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________________ 3. Now list five things you wanted to do but talked yourself out of. Don’t worry if you think they sound ridiculous. Write them down. 1)____________________________________________________________________________________________ 2)____________________________________________________________________________________________ 3)____________________________________________________________________________________________ 4)____________________________________________________________________________________________ 5)____________________________________________________________________________________________ 4. Now think about that dream you wrote down for the Chapter 1 Activate Now section. Write that dream down again. ______________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________________ 5. Now write five new actions you could take in pursuing your dream. 1)____________________________________________________________________________________________ 2)____________________________________________________________________________________________ 3)____________________________________________________________________________________________ 4)____________________________________________________________________________________________ 5)____________________________________________________________________________________________ 6. What would it cost you if you don’t follow through on these actions? What will you miss out on? Write it down. ______________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________________ 7. Now imagine how will it enhance your life if you do take action on these things? How will your life situation be improved? How will it create greater freedom and happiness if you activate these steps? Write your answer below. ______________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________________________ DAILY CHALLENGE Each day, focus on the results you are hungry for. You need to keep your goal at the forefront of your mind daily. Focus also on the benefits of achieving this dream. Focusing on the benefits builds desire. Also consider the expectations you place on yourself. Consider the way this reflects on your behavior. Each day, think about your answer to the question of whether you were suffering from low expectations. Could you aim higher? Could be hungrier for success? Step 3: Stop Sleeping with the Enemy! ow to Avoid H Negativity. You may not realize this, but many of you are doing something every day which is hurting your dreams. Many of you are doing this one thing that is sabotaging your own success and you don’t even know you’re doing it. I bet you’d like to know what that thing is, right? You’re sleeping with the enemy. In this chapter, I’m going to tell you: Who or what that enemy is, How you can stop this harmful practice that is hurting your goals. CREATE YOUR OWN REALITY In my talks, I’ve often told people: “You create your own reality”. I’m not alone in thinking this. The great American writer Ralph Waldo Emerson once said that a man was what he thinks about all day long. And like Emerson before him, Bruce Lee once said: “As you think, so shall you become”. We think negatively, and before we know it, we become negative people, frustrated that our lives haven’t worked out the way we wanted. The thing is, negativity is contagious like a disease. Friends getting together and pulling each other down can be a common thing. Sometimes friends make fun of one another, bully one another, laugh at each other’s expense. And then they tell themselves that’s what friendship is. It’s tragic but common. We’re programmed to accentuate the negative from an early age, and we need to learn steps to counter this, so it doesn’t hold us back from achieving our true potential. on't Hold On To D The Past In 1960, my parents put me up for adoption. Do you know what it feels like when your biological parents decide that because there is something wrong with you, they want to give you away? Should that one decision rule my thoughts and future dreams? Maybe when you were 5 years old the boy down the street called you dumb, stupid, crazy or fat. And today, it still affects you. Maybe your parents said something to you when you were a teenager, like you weren’t smart enough to get good grades, and now you still believe that you’re not smart enough for success? Maybe today you’re still carrying that around with you. Maybe those words are still whispering in the back of your mind. Maybe we learned how to deal with all this by becoming negative ourselves. Maybe we’ve learned to attack someone else’s insecurities before they find and attack ours. People tell us negative things in passing, and we believe them. It’s sad isn’t it? But we all have this. You know that saying: sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me? I think for most of us, it’s the other way around. It’s the bruises from the sticks and stones that heal the fastest. Words cut far deeper. We need healing from these emotional scars. You need to confront the lies that were told to you, the lies you believed about yourself, and recognize them for the lies that they were. And then you know what the toughest thing is? That’s forgiveness. In our hearts, we need to try to forgive the person who said these hurtful words to us. The thing is, we’ve all carried grudges around before, right? You know who a grudge does the most damage to? The person carrying it. A grudge makes us angry and bitter and keeps us focused on someone else and their faults instead of focused on ourselves and living a healthy lifestyle in the direction of our dreams. And it’s easy to just say that, I know. But there must come a point where we just have to let it all go. Carrying around all those hurts and burdens becomes tiring. We need to seek healing for our own sake. We need to not keep a tally of all the people who have wronged us, scarred us, or taken advantage of us. Then we need to learn ways to adapt, to not let it affect us. When I tell my story all over the world, when I tell people that I was given away by my natural parents, I get so many emails and people talking to me about similar things that have happened to them. But you need to know that you have a choice as to how these things affect you. You have a choice how you move forward. These people who emailed me, now realize that they have a choice. The family I was adopted into weren’t financially successful. But they told me every day not to make excuses. Move forward. Embrace your surroundings. Don’t hold on to the past. Our subconscious minds absorb enough negative and bad experiences to last us a lifetime. Have you noticed how much of world, of people’s thoughts and people’s talk, is negative? Think about that next time you’re out for a coffee with a friend or reading the paper or having lunch with colleagues. If you are not careful, you will absorb their negativity, their nastiness and their issues and act the same way. Maybe just to fit in, or be like “everybody else”. Well let me tell you right now, this is one area where you do not want to be like everybody else and here’s why. T he Negativity Bias’Of Your Brain Do you think it’s strange that so many people are so negative? Did you know there’s actually a scientific reason for this? There is a scientific reason why so many people are negative. Before I get into explaining the different areas of where people are sleeping with the enemy in their lives, I want to look at something that explains a lot of human behavior. There’s been a lot of studies over the last decade to explain what’s called the ‘negativity bias’ of the brain. Your brain reacts more strongly to negative events. Studies have shown people displaying a greater amount of electrical activity in their cerebral cortex when exposed to negative images rather than positive ones. This is especially true when people are put under stress. Stress gives people a tendency to focus on unpleasant thoughts and threatening information. Scientists have explained this as a human survival strategy. A way to process potential threats in environment on order to deal with those threats, and survive. Positive and negative experiences are processed in different areas of your brain. Two completely different systems for processing these two different types of information. Positive experiences are processed on the left side of your brain, and the right processes negative experiences. This is because the right side of your brain is responsible for dealing with visual-spatial information. Perfect for tracking threats from the surrounding environment. Our brains are vigilant and wary. And all of this was all about dodging danger and keep us out of harm’s way. This means that our brains are overly sensitive to the negative. And it takes frequent small positive experiences to tip the scales towards happiness. It means that pound for pound, your brain will remember a negative experience more clearly, more passionately and with more emotion than a positive experience of the same intensity. Maybe you drive. Do you remember being cut-off or that driver who did something really outrageous, well what about that nice person who let you in or made space for you. Not as easy, right? So how do we counter all this negativity if our brains are built that way? Because we don’t want to be overwhelmed by all the problems that clutter up our lives. It’s so easy to focus on all the negativity and lose track of the real things of value in life especially since your brain is hard-wired to do this. A way to counter the negative bias of your brain is to consciously reflect. To reflect on the past, think about the times in life when you were supported by somebody. The times when other people had your back. To build up a resource of positive experiences and memories that can help shift your mindset. If you make a conscious choice to balance the scales, you need to reflect, remember and focus on positive experiences and deliberately try to focus less on the negative. We’ll be looking at that in more detail in the Activate Now section for this chapter, so you can be equipped with all the tools you need to deal with negativity and not let it hold you back from achieving your dreams. ho And What W Is Your Enemy? Do you have an idea where you might have been sleeping with the enemy? With all the negative experiences we’ve been through, all the baggage that we haven’t let go yet, with all the healing that needs to be done, why would we be flirting and then sleeping with the enemy? Why would we want to create more problems for ourselves than we already have? I think it’s largely because people haven’t worked out who their enemy is so I just want to take a moment to make it very clear for you. Because to be able to fight effectively, you need to know who the enemy is, don’t you? So who and what is the enemy? It’s complicated because your enemy is multifaceted, has many names, and many faces. Here are 5 major enemies that you will face every single day. Negative people Negative Media Drugs and Alcohol Bad Diet Lack of exercise You see when you examine all of these behaviors and points their is a negative connotation to all of them. We need to see these things for what they are: Potential enemies to your happiness and your success. 1. NEGATIVE PEOPLE Have you ever tried to stay positive when others around you are negative? It’s tough isn’t it? Negative people can be a challenge to be around, right? Have you noticed that they will: Bring you down Drain your energy Bring out the worst in you This becomes a problem when it gets in the way of you being the best that you can be. For one second, just imagine negative people not having an influence on your life any longer. Imagine being free of the negative influence of that friend, that housemate or that family member who always criticizes you. Who always belittles you and makes you feel foolish. Imagine that not affecting you anymore. Not caring what they say, think or even know about you. Feels good, right? Now imagine that’s your reality every day. What’s crazy is that some people might read that and laugh at how impossible that sounds. Believe me, it’s possible. There are things you can do to remain positive in the face of this negativity. Here’s how you do it: The first thing to remember is this: You are special, and you have something unique to give. My tips in dealing with negative people are these: Tip #1: Let the negativity pass. Do not argue. Arguing only adds fuel to the fire. A negative person will feed off any negativity that strengthens their attitude. Tip #2: Show them love. Negative people need love. You know how difficult it is to give love to a negative person? Unfortunately, this is often exactly what they need. Deep inside their mean exterior is someone who is usually afraid that he or she is unlovable. It’s our challenge to rise above this negative attitude and love that injured person inside. How do you show love to a negative person? Listen to what they say and acknowledge their feelings. Tip #3: Ask how you might help that negative person. This shows legitimate interest in his or her happiness. Tip #4: Offer understanding. Even if you get rejected, it’s worth a try. Don’t take a rejection personally. A negative person often has trouble receiving love from others. It can be a good way to diffuse a situation and change the tone. Now, I’m not suggesting you go out and hug every negative person you meet even if you don’t know them. But maybe saying something simple like: “I understand what you’re saying and I’m sorry you feel that way.” Don’t try to match their intensity by being intense yourself. That’ll just make both of you upset. You have to know how great you are, and know that what you’re doing in your life is okay. Your worth and value has absolutely nothing to do with the opinions of others, no matter who they are. Tip #5: Focus on the positive. If you try really hard, there is always something positive to be found in any situation. Pretend you’re on a treasure hunt and the jewels you’re looking for are the positive elements you can emphasize. Even a negative person has a positive quality. Focus on that. Sometimes when you deal with a really difficult person, remember that their behaviour is not who they are. It is who they are being at that point in time. Maybe they have had a bad day, bad week, bad month… it’s not right for them to take it out on you. But learn not to react to people’s poor behaviour, be bigger than that, smarter than that. Let it be their problem, not yours. Tip #6: Ask a negative person to elaborate on their negative, often distorted, generalizations. Force them to evaluate what they’re really trying to say. Tip #7: Detach emotionally from a negative person. Tip #8: Stay away from negative people. If there are negative people that are draining you and affecting your mental health you need to evaluate whether you want them in your life. Ultimately, try to remain positive yourself. Keep your own negative thoughts in check. Try not to let the attitude of the negative person affect yours because a negative attitude is contagious. Remember that how you see other people and how you see life is a reflection of how you will act. 2. NEGATIVE MEDIA All this negativity is not just coming from us. It’s coming from your computer screen, from the newspaper, from the radio, from the television, from the movie screen, from your phone, from your iPad. All these voices shouting together, telling us what is wrong with the world. Telling us how terrible everything is. Giving us a thousand and one reasons to be afraid. Because negativity sells. Have you ever stopped to wonder why this is? Over the last few years there has been an international outcry from journalists, complaining that the media had sacrificed fairness and accuracy for speed and sensationalism. Everything gets spun that way. Just about everything you read is depicted as a crisis and as something that we all need to be worried about. Fear sells. And you know what, that’s the reason for all the sensationalism. Journalists get paid to see an angle in any story. They want to generate sales, which in an online world means generating web traffic – getting as many pageviews and clicks as possible. Traffic is how online news services make money; newspapers do the same through sales. There was a study, which indicated the chief emotion that many journalists and bloggers want to arouse in their readers is anger, because when a reader is angry they are most likely to show the source of their anger to a friend and thus generate further pageviews. It’s a game. A game that you don’t need to buy into any more. Just think, how much of the negativity that you’ve read could have as easily been missed? How much of it was crucial to your life and improved and enhanced your life? My guess is, not much. 3 & 4: EXCESS CONSUMPTION Do you regularly ingest any substance as a short-term solution you’re whatever problems you are facing? When we do that, when we drug ourselves with fatty foods, narcotics, and alcohol we’re being good consumers and we’re doing what our materialist culture has been brainwashing us to do from birth. When consuming a product begins to take the place of self-improvement, of self-knowledge, of self-discipline, we need to see it as an enemy. When consuming a product begins to take the place of hard work, of focus, of a healthy lifestyle, then we need to see that as an enemy. We live in a culture that is acutely aware of all the unhappiness everywhere. Yet it has spent billions of dollars over decades not on helping the problem, but exploiting it. It’s got it down to a science. Instead of help, we get sold a product. A distraction, with the promise that it will fill that hole inside of us that needs filling. People spend more now than ever before and enjoy the things they buy less. It’s people trying to meet non-material needs through material ends. People want to buy things that will somehow meet their needs for love and acceptance. We need to see these things as an enemy. 5. LACK OF EXERCISE / THE SEDENTARY LIFESTYLE What is the thing that makes the biggest impact to your health, the thing that has the highest return on investment? In the area of preventative medicine, there’s one thing that doctors advise people to do, because it helps with so many different health problems. Studies have shown that it: It reduces the progression of diabetes by 58%. It reduces anxiety by 48%. It reduces depression by 47% It reduces the progression of dementia and Alzheimer’s in older patients by 50%. It’s the number one treatment of fatigue and has consistently been clinically proven to increase quality of life. This ‘treatment’ is called exercise. And I’m not talking about a Rocky training montage either. I mean simple, low impact exercise like walking. We live what is now commonly known as a ‘sedentary lifestyle’. Sedentary literally means characterized by sitting. We sit. And we sit and we sit. We sit when we’re driving, when we’re at work at our desks, when we’re at home eating a meal, when we’re on the couch watching television. The only time we’re not sitting is when we’re in bed sleeping! A sedentary lifestyle is one that has no regular physical activity. This lifestyle has been linked to just about all of the preventable causes of death. A lack of physical activity is one of the leading causes of preventable death worldwide. Did you read that? This lifestyle where we spend every day on our rear ends is literally killing us. A researcher called Lennert Veerman found that if you spend a lifetime average of watching six hours of television per day, you are expected to live five years less! We don’t often think of television as being bad for your health. But we need to start seeing this and other elements of our sedentary lifestyle as powerful risk factors for chronic disease. Lack of exercise causes muscle atrophy, where your muscles shrink and get weaker, and increases the likelihood of physical injury. Lack of exercise leads to a weakened immune system. Your body is less capable of fighting the bacteria and viruses it needs to fight to stay healthy. Have you ever noticed in phases of your life when you get the least exercise are the times when you get sick most frequently? This is no coincidence! The best thing you can do for your health is to spend between thirty minutes to an hour of being active every day. One hour of exercise every week cuts rates of heart disease by half. For every increase of ten minutes in your daily walk to work or school, equals a twelve percent reduction in the likelihood of you having high blood pressure. The ancient Greek physician Hippocrates said, “Walking is man’s best medicine.” One really simple solution to our sedentary lifestyle is active travel. That just means, try walking or cycling somewhere instead of driving your car. Or get off the bus early. Get out of the elevator and take the stairs. Limit the amount of time you spend on your rear end! Stop sleeping with the enemy. Notice how many of these things are voluntary actions that you allow yourself to be a part of your life. Or even things that we welcome and incorrectly assume are things that are helping us or bringing value into our lives. Imagine being free of negative people, negative news, imagine a healthy diet and fit and healthy body, and every day bringing you closer to your dream. It feels good writing that, and it feels good imagining that. That can be you just as soon as you choose. It’s time to wake up! Stop sleeping with the enemy! ACTIVATE NOW! Complete the following exercise and take action! To change the negative mindset, we need to focus on five positive things for every negative thing your brain is focusing on. Five to one. This creates the balance where we outweigh the negativity bias and we focus on the things that give life its beauty, its value and its significance. With each positive thing, try to dwell on the thought for twelve seconds. This enables the thought to be more firmly embedded in your long term memory. 1. Reflect on a time when you were supported by others. When other people had your back. Write it down. __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ 2. Reflect on a time when you did something that you were truly proud of, where you felt worthy and valued. __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ 3. Reflect on a time when you really connected with someone and you felt they understood you as a person and you felt you understood them. __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ 4. Reflect on a time when you witnessed something truly remarkable or beautiful. __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ 5. Reflect on a time when you felt completely safe, completely relaxed and completely comfortable. __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ 6. Write down the one negative thing your brain is passively preoccupied with at the moment. Next to it, write those five positive things. Minimum five. __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ 7.What’s been the area where you’ve been sleeping with the enemy? a) Write down five sources of negativity in your life. __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ b) Brainstorm ways in which you take control and stop them from negatively influencing your dreams. __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ 8. Now list five current and active sources of positivity that are present in your life at the moment. __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ 9. What are five ways where you could nurture yourself over the next week? Be kind to yourself with one loving action every day. __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ 10. Does your current fitness program reflect your new goals? If not, brainstorm some enjoyable and simple ways you might increase your fitness levels to create a new program to suit your year of success. __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________________________________ DAILY CHALLENGE As stated earlier in this chapter, I want you to look in the mirror once every day. Regardless of whether you like who you see there, I want you to practice saying one kind and supportive thing to yourself, like you would to a close friend. Say one kind thing to yourself. This shift in attitude could change your life. BONUS DAILY CHALLENGE #1 Can you consistently make a counter attack on each negative thought with five positive thoughts? Try to consider five positives against every negative, but don’t let it just pass through your mind. Again, try to focus on the positive for at least twelve seconds so it can pass into your long term memory. BONUS DAILY CHALLENGE #2 Are you getting your thirty minutes of exercise every day? If not, then that’s a big part of your daily challenge. Go ahead and turn off the computer, close the laptop, switch off the television and go for a walk. Get active for thirty minutes per day. You’ll notice the difference in attitude, guaranteed! In Closing: It’s Possible… Whatever position you’re in, whether you’re single or part of a large family, whether you’re you’re young or old, this can be the start of something new for you. or not, rich or poor, whether We can turn this thing around! It’s possible to rewire your brain to combat negativity and create more positive, thoughts and attitudes. I hope you all follow the workbook and Daily Challenges because if you do, you’ll start to see immediate results in the tiny actions you take every day. Remember, wherever you are in life, whatever place you’re at, I want you to remember these things: Show up. Increase your Appetite. Stop sleeping with the enemy. way you can experience more satisfaction and than ever before. I also want to encourage you all not just leave your progress there. If you’ve come this far, then I’m proud of you and your success already! You deserve another round of applause! I encourage you to take further action. Join the Eric Bailey community online. Drop me a comment or email anytime –I’d love to hear from you! I encourage you to join our coaching programs, like us on facebook, subscribe to our YouTube channel, follow us on Twitter, visit our website, and book us for speaking and training. And please let me know about your results, make a commitment, send me an e-mail or tweet me a message. Take action, be bold. What are you going to do this year? What are you going to change? Tweet me now at: @eric__bailey with the hashtag #activate and tell me. I would love to join you on this journey and we have an active team and community that would love to assist you. I wish you every success. Now go out and get it done! For professional bookings or speaking engagements, please email: [email protected]
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