THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 13, 2014 FREE NUTRITIONAL SEMINAR, this Friday, Nov 14, from 6PM-7PM, Ava Fitness Spa (in Fig Tree Plaza). Personal Trainer and Nutri%onal Coach Angela Laird will explain how to incorporate be,er ea%ng habits to reach fitness goals through a healthy ea%ng lifestyle. For info, call Ava Fitness Spa at 6653828 TRI-TIP DINNER TAKE OUT FUNDRAISER, this Saturday, Nov 15, from NOON – 2PM, Wilson Cafeteria.. Dinner $10/ person, includes Tri-Tip sandwich, chips & drink. Fundraiser for 8th Grade graduation dance & trip! For info, call Nancy Sitton (559)474-7249 CHOWCHILLA POLICE REPORT for NOVEMBER 2—8, 2014 has been posted to our website. Go to: www.thechatterchowchilla.com 33rd Annual HARVEST FEST- Fundraiser Dinner, Saturday, Nov 15, at the Chowchilla Fairgrounds, Eastman Hall. Join us for a wine & cheese social hour, steak dinner, and dessert. $35/person. Social Hour 6pm, Dinner 7pm. Dessert Auction, Live Auction, and Silent Auction, too. Proceeds benefit community projects, scholarships, youth activities, seniors, eyeglasses for children and many other projects. For tickets, call 706-3693. Sponsored by CHOWCHILLA LIONESS LIONS CLUB. SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 15: FALL BAZAAR, 9AM-1PM, Ava Fitness Spa, 1505 E. Robertson Blvd. Enjoy shopping for holiday gift giving & help support Relay for Life, too! Over 11+ vendors, raffle, & more! MARK YOUR CALENDARS! CHOWCHILLA LIONS CLUB CHRISTMAS TREE LIGHTING CEREMONY, Saturday, December 6, 5:30PM, Veterans Memorial Park. 1982 - The Vietnam VetHow do we know global erans Memorial was warming isn’t just dedicated in WashingPerfidious adj. Decei@ul Mother Nature ton, DC. and untrustworthy. “A having a hot flash? perfidious rela%onship.” A cop is staking out a bar for drunk drivers. At closing %me, he sees a guy stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and fumble for his keys for five minutes. When he finally gets in, it takes him another five minutes to get the key in the igni%on. Meanwhile, everybody else leaves the bar and drives off. When he finally pulls away, the cop is wai%ng for him, pulls him over, and gives him a Breathalyzer test. The test shows he has a blood alcohol level of 0.0. The cop says, "How is this possible?" The guy says, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy." Q: Why did the mother of twins name both of her sons Edward? A: Because two Eds are be,er than one. I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?' It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet apprecia%on. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long %me!' she said. So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?' And that's when the fight started.... Two blondes were going to Disneyland . They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home. Two blondes living in Oklahoma were siRng on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, Can you see Florida ?????' BETCHA DIDN’T KNOW….. DID YOU KNOW? In an average life%me, the average human will produce in excess of 6,250 gallons of saliva (that’s also known as spit). According to Metropolitan Life Insurance, major league baseball players live significantly longer than the average male – especially if you are a third baseman. Tuna fish swim at an average speed of 9 miles per hour. They also never stop moving. GeRng older is like visi%ng an All-YouCan-Eat buffet. What should be hot, is cold…what should be firm, is limp …and the buns are bigger than anything else on the menu! WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL BREAK-IN AND CLEAN THEM? When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hin%ng to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of: first, the truck, the car, playing golf, always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a %ny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short %me and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, 'When you finish cuRng the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.' The doctors say I’ll walk again, but I’ll always have a limp. It's a Hard Life! If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy. ++If you work too much, you're avoiding spending %me with her. If you don't work enough, you're a good-for -nothing lazy bum. ++If she has a boring repe%%ve job with low pay, this is exploita%on. If you have a boring repe%%ve job with low pay, you should get off your bu, and find something be,er. ++If you get a promo%on ahead of her, that is favori%sm. If she gets a promo%on ahead of you, it's equal opportunity. ++If you cry, you're a wimp. If you don't, you're an insensi%ve. ++If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain and self-absorbed. If you don't, you're a slob. ++If you buy her flowers, you're aWer something. If you don't, you're not though@ul. ++If you're proud of your achievements, you're conceited. If you're not, you're not ambi%ous. ++If she has a headache, she's %red. If you have a headache, you're a complainer and don't love her anymore. And that's the whole truth and nothing but the truth. So help my wife. A girl was visi%ng her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that? ‘HELLOOOOO, answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'! HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' ED - She is a BREAST- AMERICAN.' She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes 'VERBALLY REPETITIVE.' NOW, HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN: He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has a 'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.' He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is 'OVERLY CAUCASIAN. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' – He 'INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.' Girlie Wisdom! 1. A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills... she has 14 kids but she doesn't really care. 2. One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs. 3. My mind not only wanders, it some%mes leaves completely. 4. The best way to forget your troubles is to wear %ght shoes. 5. The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you are doing, someone else does. 6. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends. 7. Just when I was geRng used to yesterday, along came today. 8. Some%mes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness. 9. I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and seRng fire to my pan%es. 10. Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while, and it shrinks 2 sizes! 11. Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like...'You know some%mes I forget to eat!' .....Now, I've forgo,en my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys, but I have never forgo,en to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat! Inner Peace If you can start the day without caffeine, If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains, If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles, If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it, If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any %me, If you can take cri%cism and blame without resentment, If you can conquer tension without medical help, If you can relax without alcohol, If you can sleep without the aid of drugs, Then You Are Probably The Family Dog! Interes8ng Ques8ons Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase? Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman's chest, but he ducks when the empty gun is thrown at him? Why do tourists go to the tops of tall buildings and then put money into telescopes so they can see things on the ground close-up? AWer ea%ng, do amphibians have to wait one hour before geRng out of the water? Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the ba,eries are geRng weak? I swung my front door open and placed my Remington 870 right in the doorway. I gave it 6 shells, then leW it alone and went about my business. While I was gone, the mailman delivered my mail, the neighbor boy across the street mowed the yard, a girl walked her dog down the street and a few cars stopped at the stop sign near the front of our house. AWer an hour, I checked on the gun. It was s%ll siRng there, right where I had leW it. It hadn't moved itself outside. It certainly hadn't killed anyone - even with the many opportuni%es it had been presented to do so. In fact, it hadn't even loaded itself. You can imagine my surprise, with all the media hype about how dangerous guns are and how they kill people. Either the media is wrong or I've got the laziest gun around. Well, I'm off to check my spoons. I hear they're making people fat. Doug was describing a 30 pound bass he'd caught recently aWer figh%ng it for three hours. Bill interrupted the story saying, "I saw the picture you took of that fish. You're lucky if it even weighed 10 pounds." Doug replied, "Well . . . a fish can lose an awful lot of weight during three hours of figh%ng." Interested in Learning More About Healthy Eating? Ava Fitness Spa will be hos%ng a FREE nutri%onal seminar on Friday November 14th from 6:00pm – 7:00pm. Personal Trainer and Nutri%onal Coach Angela Laird will explain how to incorporate be,er ea%ng habits so that you can reach your fitness goals through a healthy ea%ng lifestyle. For info, call Ava Fitness Spa at 665-3828 or stop by 1505 E Robertson Blvd in the Fig Tree Plaza. Ava Fitness Spa is next to SaveMart. BINGO fundraiser for CPCD-TRIBE (Chowchilla's most talented ALL STAR CHEER TEAM) to be held Saturday, Dec 13th from 2-5pm at Farnesi's Steakhouse. 20 games for $20! Raffle, door, and grand prizes available too! Help us get them to Las Vegas for Na%onals. Info: Crina Bass 580-247-8281 Kendra Rogan 209-819-2067 or Tiffany Kennedy 559-223-1606 The CHATTER is printed every Thursday, courtesy of Central California Public Service Broadcasters and our adver%sers. Office: 46174 Skyline Ridge Road, Coarsegold, CA 93614 (559)665-9470 E-mail: chowchillacha,[email protected] www.thecha,erchowchilla.com FRIDAY, NOV 14: FREE NUTRITIONAL SEMINAR, 6PM-7PM, Ava Fitness Spa, 1505 E Robertson Blvd (in Fig Tree Plaza). SATURDAY, NOV 15: FALL BAZAAR, 9AM-1PM, Ava Fitness Spa, 1505 E. Robertson Blvd. Shop for holiday gifts & support Relay for Life! HARVEST FEST- Fundraiser Dinner, Chowchilla Fairgrounds, Eastman Hall. $35/person. Social 6pm, Dinner 7pm. For tickets, call 706-3693 Sponsored by CHOWCHILLA LIONESS LIONS CLUB TRI-TIP DINNER TAKE-OUT, Noon – 2PM, Wilson Cafeteria. $10 Dinner, includes sandwich, chips & drink. For info: Nancy Sitton (559)474-7249. Funds for 8th Grade Graduation Dance & Trip. NO SENIOR POTLUCK in November. Next Potluck 1/17/15. TUESDAY, NOV 18: CITY COUNCIL MEETING, 7PM, CIVIC CENTER. WEDNESDAY, NOV 19: PLANNING COMMISSION MEETING, 7PM. FRIDAY, NOV 21: 4th ANNUAL “UNDER THE BARN” WINTER GYMKHANA SERIES, Chowchilla Fairgrounds. Registra%on 6pm; event begins at 6:30pm. Third Friday of each month thru Feb WEDNESDAY, NOV 26 THRU FRIDAY, NOV 28: CITY OFFICES CLOSED. FRIDAY, NOV 28: NO WIDOWS & WIDOWERS LUNCHEON, Next 1/30/15 SATURDAY, NOV 29: GEORGE PORTER ROPING, Chowchilla Fairgrounds. FREE to spectators! SUNDAY, NOV 30: PICKERS AUCTION, Setup 6AM, sales start 9AM, Chow Fairgrounds – New Pavilion. Buster Hewle, (209)761-4218 GEORGE PORTER ROPING, Chowchilla Fairgrounds. FREE to spectators! FRIDAY, DEC 5: OPEN HOUSE – Valley Pistachio Country Store, 9AM-5PM, 20865 Avenue 20 at FWY 99, Info: 559-674-0020. SATURDAY, DEC 6: CHOWCHILLA LIONS CLUB CHRISTMAS TREE LIGHTING CEREMONY, 5:30PM, Veterans Memorial Park. OPEN HOUSE – Valley Pistachio Country Store, 9AM-5PM, 20865 Avenue 20 at FWY 99, Info: 559-674-0020.
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