1. art and entertainment
2. humor

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 5, 2015
CURLY HUBBARD IS 103!
Please come by to honor Curly this
Friday, February 6, from 1pm - 3 pm
at the Home of: Waneta Dower— 340
S. 8th (corner of 8th & Humboldt)
Chowchilla. Any questions, call Jack
Simon @ 665-2723
COMMUNITY FLAGPOLE FUNDRAISER Sunday, February 8.
Come join us for breakfast
and help raise funds for a
new flagpole in Veterans Park.
American Legion Own Saling Post
148 is hosting the flag fundraiser ALLYOU-CAN-EAT PANCAKE BREAKFAST
WITH SAUSAGE OR BISCUITS &
GRAVY, this Sunday, Feb 8 from 7AM11AM, Masonic Hall, 224 Ventura Ave.
Includes juice or coffee. $5 per person.
Combo Pancakes & Biscuits & Gravy $8
per person. $20 per family maximum.
Tickets at door or from American Legion
Members. All proceeds to the community flag pole fund. Info/tickets: John Kirwin (732)221-4611 or 665-3875.
CITY COUNCIL MEETING, Tuesday,
Feb 10, at 7PM, Civic Center
Chowchilla Police Report for 1/25/15 thru 1/31/15 is on
our website: www.thechatterchowchilla.com
VALENTINE’S DAY SENIOR DINNER, Saturday, Feb 14, at 6PM,
Chowchilla Senior Center, 820 Robertson Blvd. Pizza & Salad $5. Drinks
$1. Pay in advance – Sign-up sheet at Chowchilla Senior Center.
SOROPTIMIST SALAD BAR Wednesday, February 18, from 11AM-1PM
O’Laughlin Hall $9 – dine in or take out. For tickets or info, call or text Nancy
THURSDAY, FEB 26: DEDICATION
CEREMONY FOR THE EDWARD RAY
PARK (formerly Sports & Leisure Park)
4PM, 15th Street & Sonoma. City officials and the Edward Ray Family will
be there for the unveiling of new sign
for the park. Public is invited. “Ed” Ray
will be long remembered as a local hero and the Chowchilla school bus driver, who along with 26 children, were
kidnapped on July 15, 1976. After being driven around for 11 hours in two
vans, Ed and the children were entombed in a buried van trailer at a Livermore quarry. Thanks to Ed Ray and
a few boys, after being buried alive for
16 hours, they all escaped through a
van roof, that had been weighted
down. Please come celebrate with Ed’s
Family at this dedication ceremony of
the Edward Ray Park.
Politically Correct Verbage
Ever want to call someone stupid, but
want to do it in a way that is politically
correct? Here’s some suggestions:
A few clowns short of a circus
A few fries short of a Happy Meal
A few beers short of a six-pack
Doesn’t have all his cornflakes in one
box.
The wheel’s spinning but the hamster’s
dead.
One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
All foam, no beer
Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber
than they appear
The elevator doesn’t go all the way to
the top floor
Missing a few buttons on his remote
control.
No grain in the silo
As smart as bait
The cheese slid off his cracker
Important Notice: Due to recent
budget cuts, the stock market crash,
and rising cost of electricity, gas, and
oil, the light at the end of the tunnerl
has been turned off.
We apologize for the inconvenience.
The Government
Quote of the Week
Some days I just wished I had the
wisdom of a 90 year old,
the body of a 20 year old
and the energy of a 3 year old.
I wish there was a way to donate fat
like you can donate blood.
I was told I don’t have alzheimers. I
have “some-timers”...sometimes I remember, sometimes I don’t.
A cop pulled a blonde over for speeding and said, “Papers….”
The blonde said, “Scissors, I win!”
and then drove off…
Life is too short to be serious all the
time. So if you can’t laugh at yourself,
just call us and we’ll laugh at you.
SOME SENIOR BUMPER STICKERS:
I’m retired. I was tired yesterday. I’m
tired again today.
At my age...happy hour is a nap!
I’m speeding because I have to get
there before I forget where I’m going!
CAN YOU READ THIS?
7H15 M3554G3 53RV35 7O PR0V3 H0W
0UR M1ND5 C4N D0 4M4Z1NG
7H1NG5! 1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5! 1N
7H3 B3G1NN1NG 17 WA5 H4RD BU7
N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3 Y0UR M1ND 1S
R34D1NG 17 4U70M471C4LLY W17H
0U7 3V3N 7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17, B3
PROUD! 0NLY C3R741N P30PL3 C4N
R3AD 7H15.
Two things define you. Your patience
when you have nothing, and your attitude when you have everything.
CAN YOU READ THIS???
I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan
mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at
Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word
are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that
the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit
pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses
and you can still raed it whotuit a
pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn
mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by
istlef, but the word as a
wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I
awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
One Day the Devil challenged the
Lord to a baseball game. Smiling
the Lord proclaimed, "You don't
have a chance, I've got Babe Ruth,
Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest
players up here." "Yes", laughed
the devil, "but I have all the umpires!"
Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?"
The Princess said, "No!!!" And the Prince lived happily ever after and
rode motorcycles and dated skinny long-legged women and hunted and fished
and raced cars and went to bars and dated ladies half his age and drank whiskey, beer and imported Scotch and never heard complaining and never paid
child support or alimony and kept his house and guns and ate spam and potato
chips and beans and all his friends and family thought he was cool and he had
tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up. The end. Please remember, it’s just a fairy tale!
The secret of staying young is to live
honestly...eat slowly...and lie about
your age.
GREAT TRUTHS ADULTS HAVE LEARNED
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to
a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet,
with a few nuts
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's
nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like
jogging on the inside.
6) Old age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
SOME PUNS
When you get a bladder infection, urine
trouble.
What does a clock do when it's hungry? It
goes back four seconds.
I wondered why the baseball was getting
bigger. Then it hit me!
The CHATTER is printed every Thursday,
courtesy of Central California Public Service
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THURSDAY, FEB 5: OPEN HOUSE & RIBBON CUTTING: CENCAL CREATIONS, 515 W. Robertson Blvd, ste 3. 11AM.
FRIDAY, FEB 6: CURLY HUBBARD’S 103RD BIRTHDAY PARTY, 1pm-3pm, at
the home of Waneta Dower, 340 S. 8th St (corner of 8th & Humboldt) Any questions, call Jack Simon 6652723.
SATURDAY, FEB 7: CALIFORNIA FLAT TRACK ASSOC. “AFTERBURNER
‘FEEL LIKE A PRO’ RACE SCHOOL & PRACTICE, A0erburner
Cushin Track, Chowchilla Fairgrounds. 8AM-2PM, Youth Race
Seminar 10AM-1PM; New Racers School 10AM-4PM,
SUNDAY, FEB 8: CALIFORNIA FLAT TRACK ASSOC. “AFTERBURNER RACE,
A0erBurner Cushin Track, Chowchilla Fairgrounds. Gates open
8AM. Signups 8AM-10AM, Prac:ce 10AM-Noon, Race at NOON
ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT PANCAKE BREAKFAST W/SAUSAGE OR BISCUITS & GRAVY, 7AM-11AM, Masonic Hall, 224 Ventura Ave.
Includes juice or coffee. $5 per person. Combo Pancakes & Biscuits & Gravy $8 per person. $20 per family maximum.
TUESDAY, FEB 10: CITY COUNCIL MEETING, 7PM, Civic Center.
SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 14: HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!
VALENTINE’S 50’S DINNER & DANCE, 6pm. SFA Portuguese
Hall, 800 S. 3rd St. Tri-:p dinner, dessert bar, no-host bar, raffle,
silent auc:on. $25 per person. Event sponsored by Greenhills
Lions Club. For :ckets & info: Dwight Stephens (559)274-5364
[email protected] or Kathy Whatley (559)665-9591
[email protected] Proceeds benefit Chowchilla
Youth Ac:vi:es.
VALENTINE’S DAY DINNER, 6PM, Chowchilla Senior Center, 820
Robertson Blvd. Pizza & Salad $5. Drinks $1. Please pay in advance – Sign-up sheet at Senior Center.
MONDAY, FEBRUARY 16: PRESIDENT’S DAY, CITY OFFICES CLOSED.
WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 18: ASH WEDNESDAY, BEGINNING OF LENT.
SOROPTIMIST SALAD BAR, 11AM-1PM, O’Laughlin Hall. $9 –
dine in or take out. For :ckets /info, call Nancy (559)474-7249.