HOW IMPORTANT IS SEX?
How important is sex in a marriage? According to researchers, sexless
marriages are a growing trend. A recent article in Newsweek
attempted to quantify the problem: "It is difficult to say exactly how
many of the 113 million married Americans are too exhausted or too
grumpy to get it on, but some psychologists estimate that 15 to 20
percent of couples have sex no more than 10 times a year, which is
how the experts define sexless marriage."
So, what is going on? Contemporary society is drenched in sexual
imagery, from the raunchy rap lyrics and MTV scenes that are now an
accepted part of teenage culture, to the suggestive ads that fill every
glossy magazine, to the booming online porn industry. It would be
easy to erroneously assume that more of us are having more sex more
of the time.
 marriage counseling
 couples therapy
 relationship counseling
In her recent book, The Sex-Starved Marriage, author and therapist
Michele Weiner Davis, underscores the importance sex plays in a
healthy relationship: "When it's good, it offers couples opportunities
to give and receive physical pleasure, to connect emotionally and
spiritually. It builds closeness, intimacy and a sense of partnership. It
defines their marriage as different from all others. In short, sex is a
powerful tie that binds."
In other words, you don’t need sex, but your relationship does! It is
very difficult to have a deep connection, “oneness” with your mate,
without sexual intimacy. Chemistry plays a big role in sexual
expression. Oxytocin, the bonding hormone, and a host of endorphins
make sex more powerful than any drug. They combine to make what
sex therapist Dr. Doug Weiss calls the “sex glue” that strengthens
your bond with your mate.
"Unsatisfying sexual relationships are the all-too-frequent causes of
alienation, infidelity and divorce," says Weiner Davis. She contends
that it isn't a matter of how often a couple has sex, but how satisfied
both partners feel: "A sex-starved marriage is more about the fallout
that occurs when one spouse is deeply unhappy with his/her sexual
relationship and this unhappiness is ignored, minimized, or
dismissed."
So, it is extremely important that you and your mate prioritize and
become intentional about having satisfying sex in all stages of your
relationship.
 In the beginning: While the sex is so “hot” usually in the
beginning, what is often neglected is the development of the
other kinds of intimacy that are so important to sustain a
relationship – emotional, intellectual, spiritual and financial
intimacy.
 After the birth of children: Research shows that marital
satisfaction sharply declines after the birth of a child. Couples
who have healthy sexual chemistry prioritize their relationship.
They create a needed balance in their lives and schedule quality
time that doesn’t involve their new (or not so new) bundle of
joy.
 In the “busy” years: Life can become so busy during the years
of building a career and raising a family that sexual intimacy
gets pushed to the bottom of the list and others things take
priority. This is detrimental to a relationship and it is easy to
become disconnected roommates instead of intimate lovers.
 In the empty nest years: Often as couples begin the transition
to the empty nest, their bodes are also transitioning into the next
stage as well! Menopause and the changing of hormonal levels
in both men and women bring changes in sexual drive and
energy as well as in physiology. It is important that you remain
intentional about your sexual intimacy by consulting with a
physician and doing whatever is necessary to navigate through
these changes. Sexual intimacy can and will grow deeper and
more fulfilling through these changes if you will be intentional
and continue to lovingly communicate with your partner. It is
important to continue to nourish your intimacy, not only
sexually, but in all other ways as well, so that you don’t reach
the empty nest stage with someone who has become a virtual
stranger!
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Keep sex and your relationship a priority and be intentional about
your intimacy. If you do, you both can enjoy satisfying sex
throughout all the years of your relationship. Let LoveRecon
Seminars and Recon Coaching help!