caring for children in haiti inside: gifts of hope christmas catalogue Fall 2007 Vol. 49 No. 4 engage
Fall 2007 Vol. 49 No. 4 Caring for Children in Haiti Inside: Gifts of Hope Christmas catalogue Open the eyes of your heart Children in Eastern Europe wait for adoptive families. Holt International is looking for pioneer families for: • Kazakhstan • Kyrgyzstan • Ukraine FINDINGFAMILIES FORCHILDREN Request an adoption information packet: www.holtinternational.org Dear Readers When you enter the Holt Fontana Village in Haiti, you come into the home of a large family. Order and disorder coexist in comfortable balance there. It’s nothing like many institutions where children are confined to stuffy rooms and activity suppressed so that a few caregivers can manage large numbers of children. At Holt Fontana children roam and play freely, but with a ratio of one caregiver to every three children, they can enjoy a relaxed closeness. Nearly everywhere you look caregivers are engaged with children: combing hair (an endless activity at the Village), returning a kicked ball, approving of some art project. But one child sat by herself while the other children laughed and played. A healthy-looking toddler with big, searching eyes, she held herself in cautious reserve. Mansour Masse, Director of Holt Fontana Village, said that Rosie* had come to the Village only a couple of months earlier, and that he wasn’t worried. She was entering in more and more, he said, and soon she would be playing happily like the other children. Children are remarkably resilient, and time is a healer, of course. But with children time is an urgent matter. Every day a child endures without the permanent bonds of belonging in a family—is a day of loss in their lives. For Holt International the need of children to develop and grow means that they should be placed with a permanent family as quickly as possible. We advocate for prompt processing wherever we can. Children cannot wait for cultures to change or bureaucracies to turn over. Every hour of childhood is a precious commodity. Before I left, I noticed Rosie approaching her caregiver and reaching up with her hands—the universal, wordless gesture of children asking to be picked up. -------------As we approach the Christmas season, we hope that your home will be warm with love and God’s peace. We know that around the world children and parents are reaching for each other, but many are not together yet. We pray especially for those children and parents who must wait until the day they are united as a family. * not a real name —John Aeby, Editor contents holt’s work in haiti Children of a Broken Paradise Holt Adoptee Camps Things to Do While You Prepare adoptees today Coming Full Circle 28 Adopting a son from Korea brings a sense of completion to a Korean adoptee. departments Update Directions Around the Globe From the Family Family Tree Waiting Child Neighborhood Calendar 4 5 12 16 18 24 30 In 1955 Harry and Bertha Holt responded to the conviction that God had called them to help children left homeless by the Korean War. Though it took an act of the U.S. Congress, the Holts adopted eight of those children. But they were moved by the desperate plight of other orphaned children in Korea and other countries as well, so they founded Holt International Children’s Services in order to unite homeless children with families who would love them as their own. Today Holt International serves children and families in Cambodia, China, Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (North Korea), Ethiopia, Guatemala, Haiti, India, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Mongolia, Nepal, the Philippines, the Republic of Korea (South Korea), Romania, South Africa, Thailand, Uganda, Ukraine, the United States and Vietnam. President & CEO Gary N. Gamer Vice-President of Programs & Services Carole Stiles Vice-President of Marketing & Development Phillip A. Littleton Vice-President of Public Policy & Advocacy Susan Soon-keum Cox Vice-President of Finance & Administration Kevin Sweeney Board of Directors Chair Kim S. Brown Vice-Chair Will C. Dantzler President Emeritus Dr. David H. Kim Secretary Claire A. Noland Members Andrew R. Bailey, Julia K. Banta, James D. Barfoot, Rebecca C. Brandt, Dean Bruns, Wilma R. Cheney, Clinton C. Cottrell, Cynthia G. Davis, A. Paul Disdier, Rosser B. Edwards, Kim A. Hanson, Joseph P. Matturro, Jeffrey B. Saddington, Richard J. Salko, Shirley M. Stewart, Steven G. Stirling Holt International magazine is published quarterly by Holt International Children’s Services, Inc., a nonprofit Christian child welfare organization. While Holt International is responsible for the content of Holt International magazine, the viewpoints expressed in this publication are not necessarily those of the organization. Editor John Aeby Managing Editor Alice Evans Graphics Brian Campbell, Alice Evans, Chloe Goldbloom Subscription Orders/Inquiries and Address Changes Send all editorial correspondence and changes of address to Holt International magazine, Holt International, P.O. Box 2880, Eugene, OR 97402. We ask for an annual donation of $20 to cover the cost of publication and mailing inside the United States and $40 outside the United States. Holt welcomes the contribution of letters and articles for publication, but assumes no responsibility for return of letters, manuscripts, or photos. California Office 3807 Pasadena Ave., Suite 115, Sacramento, CA 95821 Ph: 916/487.4658 Fax: 916/487.7068 Midwest Office Serving Iowa, Nebraska and South Dakota 10685 Bedford Ave., Suite 300, Omaha, NE 68134 Ph: 402/934.5031 Fax: 402/934.5034 27 Waiting for a child assignment is a challenging time, but it can also be fruitful. Our Mission Holt International is dedicated to carrying out God’s plan for every child to have a permanent, loving family. Arkansas Office 25 Whispering Drive, Edgemont, AR 72044 Ph/Fax: 501/723.4444 10 adopting Holt International Children’s Services P.O. Box 2880 (1195 City View) Eugene, OR 97402 Ph: 541/687.2202 Fax: 541/683.6175 Reprint Information Permission from Holt International is required prior to reprinting any portion of Holt International magazine. Please direct reprint requests to editor John Aeby at 541/687.2202 or [email protected]. 6 Holt provides loving care for children and brings hope into lives of people who have little reason to hope. jumping for joy Fall 2007 vol. 49 no. 4 Cover: Two girls from Holt Fontana Village, dressed in their school uniforms, step proudly on their way to catch the Village truck to school. Story p. 6 Missouri Office/Kansas Office 203 Huntington Rd., Kansas City, MO 64113 Ph: 816/822.2169 Fax: 816/523.8379 122 W. 5th St., Garnett, KS 66032 [email protected] New Jersey Office 340 Scotch Rd. (2nd Floor), Trenton, NJ 08628 Ph: 609/882.4972 Fax: 609/883.2398 Oregon Office Capitol Plaza 9320 SW Barbur Blvd., Suite 220, Portland, OR 97219 Ph: 503/244.2440 Fax: 503/245.2498 Copyright ©2007 By Holt International Children’s Services, Inc. ISSN 1047-7640 ACCREDITED BY COUNCIL ON ACCREDITATION www.holtinternational.org 3 update For ways to celebrate, visit: childwelfare. gov/adoption/nam/activities.cfm Lemonade Sales Thanks to 11-year-old Molly Bicksler for raising $350 for children at the Mother’s Love Orphanage in China. Photos and Stories We’d love to receive your family and child photographs for a variety of Holt publications–including the Family Tree section of this magazine, brochures, booklets, newsletters and the Holt calendar. Upload digital photos at holtinternational.org/submissions. Adopted from Nanning in 1995, Molly says she opened her lemonade stand every Saturday throughout the summer, selling lemonade, cookies and buckeyes. “Would you please see that the babies get this money?” she asked in the card she sent to Holt staff. Yes, Molly—we will! Molly Bao Bicksler at her lemonade stand in Pennsylvania. Holt Artists NewSong and other Christian performing artists continue to bring the message of Holt International Child Sponsorship to their audiences. For upcoming dates for the Thanksgiving and Christmas concert series for NewSong, go to newsongonline.com. For concert dates for other Holt artists, visit these websites: Aaron & Amanda Crabb aaronandamandacrabb.com Crabb Revival crabbrevival.net Crossroad anthonyfacello.com Eddie Middleton (website not yet built) Jason Crabb jasoncrabb.com Jeremiah People continentalsingers.com Jubilee Conferences jubileeconferences.com Julian Drive juliandrive.com Mike & Kelly Bowling mikebowling.net Nate Sallie natesallie.com Russell & Kristi Johnson rkpraise.net X-Treme Conferences xtremeconferences.com Haiti Cookbook Sales of the Kids from Haiti Cookbook (Holt International magazine Spring 2007) raised $22,000 to benefit children of Haiti being cared for at the Holt Fontana Village. The cookbook, developed by Holt adoptive parent Natasha Hixon and others, was originally conceived as a memory book for children living at the Village. The Hixon family brought home their adopted daughter, Katiana, from Haiti in September. Adoption Month National Adoption Awareness Month in November is a great time to spread the word about children throughout the world who need families–and to acknowledge adoption as a great way to build a family. NewSong visited Holt programs in China, 2006. 4 Fall 2007 Holt also needs stories of 250-1,000 words about Holt adoption, adult adoptee experiences and sponsoring a child through Holt Sponsorship for the E-newsletter, Holt International magazine and China Moon newsletter. To all China adoptive families and those in process who are involved in both standard and parallel processing through the Waiting Child program, we are especially looking for your success stories and stories about strategies for dealing with the long wait. E-mail [email protected] for guidelines. 2007 Graduates Lundmark, Alex—Vero Beach, FL (adopted from Russia); Phi Theta Kappa, National Eagle Scout Association, intermural football. BSBA in finance from the University of Central Florida in Orlando. Plans a career in law enforcement. Miller, Hillary—Albert Lea, MN (adopted from Korea); Honor Graduate, NHS, school newspaper, choir, wrestling statistician. Plans to major in pre-pharmacy at Creighton University in Omaha, NE. Ruchti, Katie—Omaha, NE (adopted from Korea); President Tri-M Honor Society, Student Council, NHS, marching band section leader, black belt TaeKwonDo, Promise and Leadership scholarships. Majoring in journalism at the University of South Dakota in Vermillion, SD. ■ directions Holt’s Childcare Programs... embody principles soon to be mandated by The Hague by Gary N. Gamer, President and CEO A As 2007 draws to a close, reviewers are fanning out across the United States to assess accreditation compliance of agencies engaged in intercountry adoption. This is one of the final stages in the long road for the United States to ratify The Hague Convention on Protection of Children and Cooperation in Respect of Intercountry Adoption, an international treaty that sets ethical standards of practice for adoption. Holt International sat at the table in The Hague when the treaty was being formulated in the early 1980s. We have been steady advocates for its formulation into law and application of principles ever since. The Hague, in part, is based on Holt practices through the years. It is part of the legacy of Harry and Bertha Holt and the great work of our staff and partners around the world. The values of Holt International are not empty rhetoric. In practice they are our life breath. We believe in: • Finding families for children. • Working in the best interest of children. • Giving parents confidence that the children they adopt have little chance of being in families in the country of their birth. • Establishing partner agencies around the world with impeccable child welfare skills and ethics. In Ukraine, Holt International’s Families for Children Program is helping to restructure child welfare work, operating under a development grant from USAID. • Helping to realize God’s plan that every child has a family of his/her own. agency on the occasion of our accreditation review. He spoke to our assembled staff and especially singled out the standard that Holt sets with intercountry adoption in a world beset with bad practice and ethical violations. A Reason to Celebrate “You can learn from a great organization what to do,” Klarberg said. “Obviously, Holt is a great organization.” • Demonstrating transparency. In early October Hague reviewers came to Holt’s offices. Our values, policies and procedures were on full display. Although rigorous, the accreditation process was a celebration of sorts. It seemed as though we were coming full circle, over 50 years after the trailblazing acts of faith of the Holt family when they adopted children from Korea. For Holt there have been more than 39,000 miracles to celebrate. But today’s intercountry adoption world is controversial. There is ample evidence of practice that is driven by market forces, rather than services for children that best meet their needs. Some countries, such as Romania, have closed their doors to intercountry adoption because improper financial dealings were perceived of as uncontrollable. Other countries have altered their adoption systems that now greatly limit the placement of children who could benefit from families in other countries. The realities are complex. The Hague Convention is there to build better safeguards in the system for children and families and governments. Richard Klarberg, the President of the Council on Accreditation (the national Hague accrediting body), made a special trip to our Although Hague reviewers cannot announce accreditation results for several months, I am confident Holt will pass with flying colors. This is a tribute to Holt’s staff, our global partners, our Board staying true to our mission and, of course, our founders. After initial phases of accreditation are complete, the U.S. government will deposit its papers in The Netherlands toward the end of this year or early in 2008. Three months later the United States will be officially a Hague-ratified country and will officially come under the framework of this treaty. Hague accreditation will not resolve all the challenges faced by children in protecting their right to be in a family. But clearly it is a major step in the right direction, a foundation that we must build on to ensure intercountry adoption has a lasting future as long as children need foreign families. I thank all of you who support our mission by adopting children, financially contributing to life-giving services to children, volunteering your time and praying for God’s blessings and guidance. You have been a vital part of The Hague process as well. ■ www.holtinternational.org 5 Children of a Paradise Broken Paradise Holt’s work in Haiti provides loving care for children and brings hope into lives of people who have little reason to hope by John Aeby Director of Communications W “Welcome to paradise,” announced the pilot after our plane bumped down hard on the airstrip seemingly in the middle of a vast tropical village. Paradise is an apt description… when you view Haiti from a distance. North of Port-au-Prince it was truly spectacular: an azure sea laps lazily on a white, curving shore; deep green mountains soar in the background; palm trees, bougainvillea and other lush tropical growth overflow nearly everything. Up close though, Haiti presents a harsh reality. Our drive on the coastal highway (a narrow two-lane road) was a gauntlet of washouts, rubble, wicked speed bumps and crater-size potholes. The third poorest country in the world, Haiti is unable to provide adequate opportunities for its people, evident in the shanties jumbled together, sellers struggling to hawk a vegetable or two from a scant basket, people wringing a few pieces of laundry washed in a mocha-colored flood. In rural areas of Haiti, four out of five households live below the poverty line, over 60 percent of children 1 to 4 years old are underweight, only 38 of every 1,000 children who enter kindergarten will complete secondary school. The country’s stability appears to depend upon the UN forces patrolling in jeeps with soldiers car6 Fall 2007 rying guns at the ready. Armored personnel carriers positioned at strategic intersections projected a contradictory message: they’re here making it safe, but they’re here because it’s not safe. Fortunate Children An hour’s drive from the Port-au-Prince airport, we turned off the road, and then down a rough gravel lane where Holt Fontana Village sits anchored in the midst of the tropical growth. The gate slides open revealing a small, self-contained community. Two rows of four neat and sturdy cottages line the driveway. The rest of Haiti has intermittent (at best) power and little access to clean water, but at Holt Fontana Village a water tower at the back supplies clean water, and a solar power generation plant keeps everything running. The Village’s satellite uplink provides Internet access that also doesn’t depend upon Haiti’s infrastructure. Credit for the engineering of the Village’s independence goes to Peter Fontana, a former college physics professor who built the facility and partnered with Holt to run the program. Peter and his wife Shay have been long-time partners with Holt. As impressive as the facility is at Holt Fontana Village, it’s the children who catch your eye. A couple of healthy-looking boys romp Families living in poverty—where Holt has started family assistance/preservation efforts—stand in stark contrast to the glow of healthy confidence revealed by one of the girls (right) who lives at the Holt Fontana Village. after a bright yellow soccer ball. Some girls sit with a caregiver. Two girls wrap their arms over the caregiver’s shoulder, while she methodically parts and combs out a third girl’s hair before braiding it. Their ease tells a lot about their closeness and attachment with each other. Some of the 28 children at Holt Fontana are a little shy at first, but soon you start to pick up many signs of health: they are openly happy, inquisitive, with clear, clean skin and fresh clothes, bright smiles and sparkling eyes. These are fortunate ones. Most of the children go out for school daily, but within the walls of Holt Fontana Village, they are safe and nurtured, while being prepared for the next hopeful chapter in their lives. Mansour Masse, the director of Holt’s efforts in Haiti, introduces us to children at Holt Fontana Village by name. With each one, he exchanges a little friendly jab or joke, or he simply picks up little ones in his big arms, eliciting brilliant smiles. One little girl shies away and clings to her caregiver when Mansour reaches for her. “Jacqueline* will come around,” he says. “She’s only 7 months old, and she’s been here only six weeks.” The little girl still carries some effects of a poor start in life. Six months without adequate nutrition and living in unhygienic conditions have left her weak with infections and skin rashes. The better diet at Fontana has filled her out more like a healthy toddler, but Jacqueline isn’t very strong yet, and her somewhat disconnected eye contact shows that she has some catching up to do. Another girl, Rosie*, has been at the Village a month longer, and while she still has some of the reserve of a recent arrival, she is stronger and more attached to the Holt Fontana caregivers. You can see that children who have been at Fontana Village for several months are comfortable and outgoing. New arrivals are shy only until they understand how secure and loved they are there. “We are like a family here,” says Mansour, whom the children call “Pappie.” A short time later when one of the boys gets a little too rambunctious, Mansour gives him a time out. The boy stands facing a wall for five minutes or so until Mansour walks over, puts his arm over the boy’s shoulder and says a few words, absolving him of his misdeed and encouraging him to be more thoughtful. With a final squeeze, he lets the boy go, but the boy remains, determined to pout a little longer. No matter. Mansour stays nearby but gives the boy no additional attention. A few minutes later, the boy quietly wanders off. Such is life in a family. A little later yet, this same boy is playing happily once again. www.holtinternational.org 7 Clockwise from top left: Director Mansour Masse teases a girl at Holt Fontana Village about the number of beads in her hair. • A mother and daughter who will receive assistance through Holt’s family preservation program entitled Fanmi Ansamn (Family Together). • Two girls in care at Holt Fontana Village. • While sitting in the lap of her housemother, baby Jacqueline* receives a checkup from the Village onsite nurse. • Ample, nutritious meals help make children at Holt Fontana Village some of the fortunate few of impoverished Haiti. Bottom right: The children at Holt Fontana Village affectionately refer to Director Mansour Masse as “Pappie.” Fanmi Ansanm Mansour weaves our car through a dirty market, dodging crowds of people and potholes of muddy water before stopping near a weathered stick frame with a thatched roof that serves as a market stall. A pile of charcoal, a basket with a few greens and a pan with grain seem to be the full extent of the stall’s merchandise. We get out of the car and walk behind the stall, winding through an otherworldly space that is the world of the Haiti poor. The uneven ground, covered with rubble and broken stones, is nearly devoid of plants by the press of many feet. Run-down buildings lie scattered at haphazard angles under the dark shade of trees. A couple of men without any kind of protective gear bend over rickety frames of metal, touching off welding sparks. A woman stirs the contents of a smoke-smudged pot heating over a few smoldering sticks. People stare at us, uneasy questions on their faces. We are of another world. Mansour takes us to a corner of one building and introduces us to a young adult man. Two young girls who should be in school stand nearby. The reddish tinge of their hair indicates some level of malnourishment. I have only a few words of French with which to try to convey a little respect. I wish I could apologize for our invasion. The young man’s home is a single room about six feet by eight feet. He lives in this space with seven siblings and his single mother. The walls stop at about seven feet high with just open space under the rafters. There is no privacy here. No bathroom. No kitchen. No stores of food. Just a small bed. It seems impossible for eight people to live here. While it also seems impossible to make a difference in the face of such overwhelming poverty, Holt is making headway, one family at a time. 8 Fall 2007 In 2006 Holt along with Rotary International and Rotary Clubs in St. Marc, Haiti, and St. Augustine, Florida, launched “Fanmi Ansanm” (Family Together) centered in the village of Mowine, about a half hour north of Fontana Village. A three-year grant from Rotary International is providing the initial funding while Holt sponsors are expanding the program’s outreach and will continue the work into the future. It takes an incredibly small amount of assistance to make a major impact on lives of children here, but in order to bring about lasting change, it takes a commitment to stay involved. That’s a hallmark of Holt’s family preservation efforts. Mansour told us of one single mother helped by Fanmi Ansanm. Initial assistance improved the children’s health and nutrition and got them back into school. Training, a sewing machine, and ongoing encouragement enabled the mother to start a dressmaking business. Now the mother supports herself and her children. Now she has hope. All parents who come to the Fanmi Ansanm office must confront their responsibilities to their children—for their well-being and for their education. Several single mothers have already measured their ability to provide for children and made the difficult decision to relinquish a youngest child or the youngest siblings. These have come to Holt Fontana Village and will one day be adopted. The scope of profound responsibility to these people and their children seems almost unfathomable. Pink Dress Two men and a little girl arrive at Holt Fontana Village one afternoon. The girl, about 4 years old, wears a pink party dress and shabby shoes. After their initial interview, the men stand outside the office and talk with members of the Holt Fontana staff. The little girl occupies herself, walking around and twirling, as if she’s testing out her dress. Was it purchased just for this visit? I try to fathom what the little girl is thinking as the adults talk. She seems oddly oblivious of the serious discussion. The little girl walks between the two men, but neither one takes her hand as they open the gate and depart. The men claim to be cousins of the girl’s mother, and they ask if Holt Fontana can take in the little girl so she can be adopted. Her father recently died, they say, and the mother can’t care for her any more. The staff is helpful, earnest about the girl’s needs, but they are cautious, too. Yes, Holt Fontana staff want to help, but they can’t do anything until they meet with the mother. Also, the mother must bring the father’s death certificate. How often does this sort of thing happen at Holt Fontana, we ask Mansour. Once, maybe twice a week, he says. It immediately becomes apparent how important it is to increase the capacity of Holt Fontana Village to care for more children. Holt is currently undertaking efforts to build four more cottages and a playground. That will expand the Village’s capacity to 60 children. Because the adoption process can take one to two years, that capacity will be fully utilized very quickly. It’s easy to jump to conclusions about a family’s situation. It’s tempting to take in the little girl for her protection, but much is at stake. Even if she does eventually enter Holt Fontana for adoption, how the organization receives her and documents her legal situation can make or break any future opportunity she might have for a family. What if the father is alive? Most importantly, until the staff talk with the mother and counsel her, they have no way of knowing if relinquishment is really what she wants or what’s best for the little girl. What if Holt offered help to the mother, would she still choose adoption? These questions must be asked. Whether it’s adoption or family preservation, Holt Fontana is ready to bring all of the help they can as soon as the mother decides for her daughter. The men say they will return with the mother. After saying their goodbyes, they walk toward the gate. Some time later, we ask how many other adoption agencies like Holt Fontana are helping children in Haiti. Mansour’s answer comes with conviction—and a hint of a smile. “There are NO other agencies like Holt in Haiti.” Mansour speaks with pride and excitement for the work they do. There are orphanages and other adoption agencies, but only Holt Fontana provides a program that helps families stay together and cares for children relinquished for adoption. ■ * not a real name Holt Fontana Village Housing Project In the midst of dire circumstances, Holt Fontana Village stands as a truly remarkable haven of hope for homeless children. With its own solar power generation and water supply systems, the Village can provide a safe, nurturing environment for children despite Haiti’s inadequate infrastructure. Children usually arrive weak, malnourished and carrying infections because of their previous unsanitary conditions. Within weeks, the nurturing care and medical treatment of Holt Fontana staff bring children back to healthy development. The devoted staff have established a loving family-like atmosphere where children can flourish until placed with permanent adoptive families. However, Holt Fontana Village is limited by its capacity. Currently 28 children live there, and it can accommodate more only as children are placed with adoptive families. Every week new children are brought to the Village, but already some children are sharing beds. The Village has an adjacent space ready to build four more children’s cottages and a playground. With these cottages the Village will be able to accommodate 60 children. This increased capacity will enable Holt Fontana Village to make a profound difference in the lives of many more children as they come into care, are nurtured back to health and placed with loving, adoptive families. Holt International is committed to meeting the estimated $100,000 cost of construction for these four new houses at the Village. Additionally, the Village needs a replacement vehicle for transporting children to school, hospital and elsewhere (estimated cost: $30,000). To donate or to find out more about this project, contact: Holt Development Director Kassey Young at kasseyy@ holtinternational.org or (541) 687-2202. www.holtinternational.org 9 holt adoptee camp Jumping for Joy Holt Adoptee Camp is a safe place to make friends and find out more about yourself, the world, and how to get along in it by Alice Evans, Managing Editor W What’s the best thing about Holt Adoptee Camp? “Everyone will tell you—it’s hanging out with friends who understand your story,” said Camp Director Steve Kalb, now in his third year leading Holt’s summer camp program for adoptees. Friendship is a great discovery—and some of the best friendships are made at summer camp. Under Kalb’s leadership, the Holt Adoptee Camp became accredited by the American Camp Association in 2005, a stamp of approval that speaks to the quality and safety of the program. This year, 322 adoptees attended camps in four locations throughout the United States, a 30 percent increase over 2006. Only Game in Town Crafts, games, talent shows, songfests… these are some of the usual features of summer camp. But in addition to these standards, Holt Adoptee Camp has initiated new features in recent years that make it different from other camps for adoptees. “It’s the only resident camp program designed specifically for international and transracial adoptees that focuses on adoption issues rather than around birth cultures,” said Kalb. “Other adoptee camps are more focused on birth culture.” Camp Highlights Quotes from campers and their parents • “It was a life-changing experience for my son.”—Parent • “Our son greatly enjoyed the camp and it seems to have had a very positive impact on his ability and desire to talk to us about racial and adoption issues.”—Parent • “He had such a blast he didn’t 10 Fall 2007 Holt originated birth culture camps for adoptees back in the mid-1960s, when most international adoptees of camp age were Korean born. By celebrating birth culture, the early Holt Heritage Camp offered a significant opportunity for adoptees to come together to learn more about their motherland through cooking Korean food, making Korean crafts, and otherwise learning about the culture. Birth culture remained a significant feature of Holt camps until just a few years ago, when the rising numbers of Holt campers from China, India and other countries— including transracial American adoptees— brought attention to the need for changes. want to come home.”—Parent • “What a great time he had and he is not only planning to go next year, but also said he wants to be a counselor someday!”—Parent • “I liked that there are lots of people just like me that go through the same things as me.”—Camper • “Camp made me feel really good about myself.”—Camper • “I’d go back next year because the staff is cool.”—Camper Mission Statement Holt International Adoptee Camp will provide an environment of physical and emotional safety, self discovery, and fun. Within a community of adoptees, campers will share their common experiences while exploring issues of adoption, race, and identity development. Philosophy of Camp • Cooperation, not competition. • Richness of difference. It simply became too complicated to match birth culture activities to the multiplicity of ethnicities, Kalb explained. And furthermore, many campers were looking for a different kind of experience, one that provided context to the challenges they faced in homogenous communities throughout the United States. “We do touch on birth culture in a sense—for example, we discuss why relinquishment might occur,” Kalb said. Adult Adoptee Panel This year, Kalb reintroduced something for the parents—an Adult Adoptee Panel—two hours of strictly adult programming “to give parents a sense of what we talk about, and a glimpse into what the kids think.” Parents were invited to attend this session on the last day of camp, and it was something very powerful for them, said Kalb. Four of the counselors joined together to comment on two standing questions: • Freedom with responsibility. • The value of respectful conflict. Goals • To create a community of adoptees and build positive relationships between adult adoptees and campers. • To share common concerns about adoption, race, and identity through community and education. • To foster personal growth that allows the campers to succeed during and after camp. • To create opportunities for leadership development. • What could your parents have done better with regard to adoption as you were growing up? For many, it was a chance to find mentorship among older adoptees who served as counselors. • What could your parents have done better with regard to race and racism as you were growing up? By being with other transracial and international adoptees in a safe setting that celebrates the unique issues adoptees face, and through working with a cutting edge curriculum based on adoption, identity, race and racism—adoptees who attend the Holt Adoptee Camp continue to find not only great companionship, but challenging experiences that will help them to grow and to better understand how to navigate their world. ■ “All the panelists love their parents and have great lives,” Kalb commented. “This was an opportunity to talk about some relevant social issues in a safe context.” Parents were curious about whether or not the panelists, who were college students or recent high school graduates, had experienced any animosity among other parents or the community over dating. It proved to be an “eye-opening experience for them,” Kalb said. “A flash forward for their own child.” “Overall, it was a good year, and campers had a great experience for the most part,” Kalb said. 2008 Holt Adoptee Camp For all international and transracial adoptees ages 9–16 years old. • Oregon • California • New Jersey • Nebraska Go to the Holt website at www.holtinternational.org/ camps for more information, or contact Steve Kalb, Camp Director, at: stevek@ holtinternational.org or (541) 687-2202. www.holtinternational.org 11 Globe Nepal Newly enrolled in the Holt Child Sponsorship Program, 25 Nepalese children now need sponsors to support their nurture and care. In June, Holt joined with Nepal Child Conservation Home to improve the health and nutrition of children in this family-based childcare center. Holt brought in a physician and increased the number of caregivers at the center. Holt is also working on developing an intercountry adoption program in Nepal. A child in care—Nepal, 2007. India Holt to Survey Orphanages Children of the World Bombay (CWB) celebrated its 25th anniversary in October. CWB is one of three Holt partner agencies in India. Founded in 1982 at the initiative of Holt, CWB cares for about 50 children in a splendid childcare facility in New Bombay. CWB has a large outreach program that provides educational funds, food supplements and medical care for about 1400 children. CWB also supports several income-generating projects to assist women. Guatemala Holt International started a nine-month project in October to help the children of Guatemala, funded by a grant from the United States Agency for International Development (USAID). Estimates place the number of orphaned children in Guatemala at around 370,000, but no one knows how many childcare institutions exist in Guatemala, what the state of the facilities are like, staff qualifications, or the number, age, gender and health status of the children. The second largest sending country to the United States for international adoptions, Guatemala also has one of the most corrupt, unregulated systems. For many years Holt International and the U.S. State Department have been working together with Guatemalan officials to bring improvements to international adoptions from Guatemala. The current First Lady of Guatemala and a number of highly placed Guatemalan government administrators are committed to bringing Guatemala into international compliance. Child in care at a government shelter—Belgorod, Ukraine, 2007. 12 Fall 2007 Through the USAID grant Holt will develop the conceptual framework and professional resources needed as a first step in reforming Guatemala’s child welfare and adoption system, and in implementing the requirements of The Hague Convention.* Holt will conduct a baseline survey of Guatemalan childcare institutions as well as provide training in best practices for Guatemalan officials, academics and practi- tioners through seminars and study tours. * The Hague Convention on Protection of Children and Cooperation in Respect of Intercountry Adoption is an international treaty that sets ethical standards of practice for adoption. Ukraine USAID recently added a one-year extension to its three-year development grant to Holt International’s Families for Children Program (FCP). FCP is helping to restructure child welfare work in Ukraine by funding relief nurseries, parent training, foster care, rehabilitation work for street children and other innovative programs. Holt is also actively recruiting pioneer adoptive families for children as young as 18 months at time of match. Kyrgyzstan Holt’s new Program Director in Kyrgyzstan is Dmitry Petrov. He works from our Bishkek office and will be assisting families in the Kyrgyz and Kazakhstani programs. For more information about adopting children through our Eastern European and other country programs, visit our website: www.holtinternational.org/adoption/ criteria.shtml Romania Holt Romania Foundation broke ground for a new Parent Resource Center and office in Surgery Project in China Helping Children with TEV Orphanage children with clubfoot now have hope for effective treatment thanks to a new project initiated by Holt International in China. Clockwise from center: Baby Liu goes through an evaluation for surgery for TEV. • Liu rests in the crib with legs and feet in a cast two months after surgery. • Four months later reveals a happy outcome for Liu. Clubfoot, or talipes equinovarus (TEV), affects about one in every 1,000 live births worldwide, making it a fairly common birth defect. Left untreated the feet deform as the person walks essentially on the sides of the feet or ankles. For children in Chinese orphanages, this condition severely diminishes their chances of being adopted or surviving in society. To solve this situation, Holt staff are evaluating and identifying children with TEV in orphanages in China and recommending them for surgery. The project will transport children from all around China to Guangzhou near Hong Kong, where Holt has joined with an orthopedic surgeon and a physical therapist, both of whom have a special expertise in treating TEV. After surgery the children will remain in Guangzhou four to six months while they recover and begin therapy. Therapy is an essential part of developing correct walking patterns. The project provides Constanta in July. The building will provide space for parent training classes and act as a community meeting space for parents and children, a major means of keeping families together and warding off child abandonment. Supported by a $50,000 donation from an anonymous Holt adoptive family, the new center still needs donations totaling $60,000 to meet costs. To donate or to find out more about this project, contact Holt Development Director Rose McBride at [email protected]. Ethiopia Holt is now actively seeking families to begin the adoption process for Ethiopia. Families are needed for both boys and girls of varying ages. Holt has submitted our official registration application as an adoption agency to the Ethiopian government and we anticipate the registration process will be completed by this fall. Holt’s program will be based in Addis Ababa, a caregiver who can continue therapy throughout the day during the child’s stay in Guangzhou and training for caregivers to continue therapy at the orphanages. The project will cost approximately $3,000 per child. “This project will do so much for these children. They will be able to walk and maybe one day, be adopted,” said Jian Chen, Holt’s Program Director for China. Ethiopia’s capital city, with humanitarian aid projects focused on serving the southern region of Ethiopia. Physician Rebecca Brandt, a long-time member of the Holt Board of Directors, will travel to Ethiopia in December to provide childcare training for the staff. South Africa Holt needs sponsors for abandoned children and children at risk of losing their families. Holt began a relationship in 2005 with the South African faith-based nonprofit Cares for Life, which has a mission and working models compatible with Holt’s mission. Holt is expanding its relationship with Cares for Life to address the needs of orphaned, abandoned and vulnerable children in a wider area of South Africa. Haiti Holt needs sponsors for 51 new children recently added to the Child Sponsorship Program in Haiti. Holt’s Portland (Oregon) Benefit Auction Oct. 20 will raise funds for four new houses to be built at the Holt Fontana Village. More living space will allow Holt to care for more children in this poorest country in the Western hemisphere. Building costs are estimated at a total of $100,000. China With current waits for the standard process now stretching toward two years from the time dossiers are sent, Holt’s China Program wants to get the word out to families about the parallel processing option with our Waiting Child Program (see related story p. 21). Call or e-mail Katie Poff for details at (541) 687-2202 or katiep@holtinternational. org. www.holtinternational.org 13 from the family Guided and Empowered by Prayer The long wait was “good for our souls’” says a mother who overcame many obstacles to adopt a girl from Haiti by Amanda Maisonneuve Spring, Texas Amanda and Joe Maisonneuve get ready to board the plane to bring Lainie home, August 2006. Below: Lainie in a recent photograph. W We started our adoption process in the Korea program and spent about six months pulling together all the paperwork. In February 2005 we were finally on a waiting list for a healthy baby girl from Korea. After almost two months of waiting, we were told it could easily take a year for a referral. About that time, I was browsing the waiting child photolisting on Holt’s website and came across a baby picture of a tiny girl. She had the most beautiful doll-like face and black, curly hair. I read her short bio and from then on, I could not stop thinking about her. I knew nothing about Haiti, her birth country—so I did some Internet research. I realized how poor the country is, and how desperate for help. I also found out Haiti is only about five hours away by airplane. Somehow, I felt reassured knowing this little girl wasn’t quite as far away as a child in Korea. We weren’t the only family who found Lainie’s picture on the photolisting. Because more than one family wanted to adopt her, Holt’s Waiting Child Committee had to make the difficult decision about where to place this child. We continued with paperwork that had to be completed for the Haiti program, we answered numerous questions that would be used in the decision-making process, and we prayed. I prayed so much during the time when we knew we were being considered until the actual meeting took place. I wanted Lainie to be in our family, but I also wanted her to be in the right family for her. Finally, the call came in from the committee that they had decided to place Lainie with our family! After that, my 5-year-old son, Max, kept saying, “We are so lucky!” Waiting After Referral Now we knew Lainie would eventually be in our family. We anticipated waiting 9 to 11 more months, and with my optimism, I figured on about six months. The wait of 17 months was extremely long and unexpected. I knew God had a perfect plan for us and this child, but I just did not know why we had to wait so long. 14 Fall 2007 We saw Lainie grow up in photographs. We received updates about her growth, general health and new habits. We saw two very short videos, but what a treasure it was to see that our little girl moved and laughed and clapped her hands! One reason we waited so long, I believe, was because I had never really had to wait for anything of such importance. We wanted to get pregnant with our first child, and bam, 10 months later there he was. The same thing with our second child. Other milestones, too, were achieved on time without a long wait. So with Lainie, we learned that waiting was good for our soul, but hard for our brain to tolerate. I prayed fervently for her day after day after day. I prayed for her caregivers (specifically that she would have one special person she loved and trusted completely, to help make her transition to us smoother). I prayed for us to be positive examples of hope and faith to those around us, especially those who doubted that we would ever bring Lainie home. So after nearly a year and a half (and after lots of hard work and dedication by our special advocate in Haiti—Mansour Masse, a true saint), we were finally able to make travel plans to bring Lainie home. We finally left to get our daughter in August 2006. Going to Haiti Originally, we had hoped to spend a few days in Haiti at the Holt Fontana Village and get acquainted with Lainie and her caregivers in “her turf.” Due to unsafe travel conditions at our time of travel, Holt requested we not leave the airport. After our arrival, we waited in the airport to pick up luggage, literally steps away from our daughter, but we couldn’t see her. We finally walked outside into the bright, hot, humid day and were greeted by Mansour Masse. We were walking with Mansour, looking into a crowd of strangers, and suddenly I saw Lainie being thrust in my direction. She was dressed in a lacy peach dress, her hair fixed in beautiful braids, fancy white lace socks, and white patent leather shoes. She came right to me, over all those people, with a smile on her face! I couldn’t believe it. I started crying a little, and poor Mansour thought something was wrong. I kept saying, “She is perfect. She is just so perfect.” When we walked into the terminal, I finally lost it and burst into tears. I was so sad for what Lainie was leaving behind. I knew she couldn’t understand English and wouldn’t for some time, and I was so afraid she would miss Nurse Lissa. She was little and light and wasn’t the big girl I was expecting. I was so happy she was still like a baby, but a little girl at the same time. Well, Lainie was such a brave soul, she never cried, and she never looked back. She just clung to me. She even smiled for a picture with her daddy while waiting to board the plane. Okay, she did cry once, when the security people tried to take her water bottle! But she stopped just as soon as they gave the empty bottle back to her. At the airport we met Nurse Lissa, the special caregiver we had prayed for. Lissa took care of Lainie like she was her own daughter, even when Lainie almost died in the hospital from an infection due to chicken pox. We will forever be grateful to God for putting Lissa in Lainie’s life just when she needed her. We sat with Mansour in the airport for about five hours. Lainie slept in my arms some of the time; she and Mansour sang a song for us; she played with some of the toys I brought; she took them over and showed them to Mansour. We finally had to say goodbye to him, and to Haiti. Adopting from Haiti In Haiti, the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere, 10,000 children are thought to be living on the streets, mostly in Port-au-Prince. An estimated 200,000 children live in orphanages across the country. In addition, an estimated 250,000 children face abuse as domestic child workers for other Haitian families. Many of these children desperately need assistance. They need safe homes and they need the love that only permanent families can provide. • Holt offers adoption services and program development within a childcare facility developed in partnership with the Foundation Fontana d’Haiti. Holt Fontana Village began accepting Above left: Lainie with her brothers shortly after coming to the United States. Center: Amanda and Lainie in Haiti with Mansour Masse, Director of Holt Fontana Village. Right Lainie says goodbye to Nurse Lissa, the special caregiver Amanda prayed for while Lainie was still in Haiti. Our Perfect Family I wouldn’t want to change this last year with Lainie in our family for anything. Soon after Lainie came home, one of our boys said to us, “Every family deserves to have a baby sister in it!” That sums it up well. Some people still tell us that Lainie is so lucky to have a family like us, but we know the truth. We are the lucky ones! ■ children into care in late 2004. Holt’s U.S. and Haiti staffs provide individual assistance to parents through every step of the adoption process. to pick up their child. • Children available for adoption range in age from 24 months to 7 years at time of placement. Couples may apply who are 30 to 50 years old, with at least one applicant more than 35 years old. Single women 35 to 50 years old are also accepted. Contact Holt’s Haiti program before applying. • Waiting children from Haiti are often physically healthy, older, or part of a sibling group. • Application through placement averages 24 months. www.holtinternational.org/waiting child • Families should be open to delays and unknowns. Children in Haiti are available for sponsorship through the Holt Child Sponsorship program. • Holt takes every precaution to insure the safety of families when they travel www.holtinternational.org/adoption Waiting Child Program • Good child and birth family information is often available. • Children are very well cared for in Holt-sponsored care. Sponsorship www.holtinternational.org/sponsorship www.holtinternational.org 15 from the family A Christmas to Remember This story, by a 15-year-old Holt adoptee, was a contest winner last winter at Radio Staion KSOO in Sioux Falls by Aimee Hoelscher Sioux Falls, S.D. Above right: Aimee with her little brother, Alex, on their way home from the airport that long ago Christmas. Below: Aimee, 15, and Alex, 9, in a recent photograph. W When I was 6 years old, my parents asked me a question that would affect my life drastically. It was a question that took me half a second to answer, and to this day, it was a decision that I have never regretted. Not only did it change my life for the better, but it will always be a memory to remember. I was adopted from Seoul, South Korea. When I was 6 months old, I was flown to Des Moines, Iowa, and was welcomed by my parents. I lived a blessed life filled with amazing friends and family. I had a great home and all the love I could ever ask for. Although I was happy, most of the time I was pretty lonely. Most of my friends had siblings, and because I was an only child, things were different for me at home. I would constantly ask my parents for a brother or sister with every opportunity I had. One day, my parents sat me down and asked me to make a decision. We could take a vacation to California and go to Disneyland, or we could adopt a sibling. Instantly, I chose the sibling. It was the best decision of my life! After months of waiting, we finally received news from the adoption agency about our soon-to-be family member. My dad announced it was a 6-month-old boy. At that moment I felt my heart leap with excitement, and I thought, I am going to be a sister! I am finally going to be a sister! We were all filled with excitement and anticipation. We were all busy as we spent the next few months preparing for the arrival of my new brother. We had decided on Alex for his name. He was due to fly into Des Moines, Iowa, near Thanksgiving. An unexpected case of bron16 Fall 2007 chitis delayed his arrival, but about a week before Christmas, my parents received a call that Alex was due to arrive on Christmas Eve! That Christmas Eve morning is pretty much a blur. Our family piled into our car, and we drove down to Des Moines. All of us were experiencing a roller coaster of emotions! We arrived at the airport and waited and waited. The clock seemed to be moving so slowly; time seemed endless. Finally, around 9 that night, Alex’s plane landed. I was so excited. I was finally getting to meet Alex! The escorts came in following a horde of people, and the lady carefully placed him in my mom’s arms. Filled with overwhelming joy and happiness, I knew in my heart this was far better than going to California! Later that night, we started our journey back home. It was an unforgettable night. I woke up in the morning and it was Christmas! Hurrying upstairs, I saw my grandparents, my parents and Alex by the Christmas tree. We spent the morning opening presents and spending family time together. I was given many great gifts, but my favorite gift of all wasn’t contained in the wrapped boxes. My favorite present was the little boy, smiling from ear to ear, being held in my dad’s arms. Time has passed by like a speeding car. Currently, Alex is 9 years old and one of the best people I know! He is full of energy and life, and he is becoming a wonderful person. Looking back, I know I made the right choice, and I will never regret it. Ever since Alex came into my life, the emptiness feeling has disappeared. Adopting Alex will forevermore be one of the greatest things that ever happened in my life. His homecoming on Christmas Eve makes this memory even more special. It will always be a Christmas to remember! ■ Sharing Grandma with the World Many children knew her as Grandma, but for a Holt summer intern, Bertha Holt truly was Grandma As an actual grandchild of Bertha Holt, I’ve always had quite the diverse family. Growing up, I never really took notice of this even though I sometimes found it difficult to remember the names of all my aunts, uncles and cousins. I spent most of my childhood holidays at Grandma’s house, and many summers were not complete without a Holt International picnic. As a child, I was always so fascinated with getting to run around outside all day at the picnics that I never really stopped to think about what it was that brought so many people together. Once when I was about 7 years old, my family and I were just about to leave the Holt picnic in Eugene. As we walked past another family that was talking to Grandma, I heard a little boy say “Bye-bye Grandma.” In confusion, I looked over to my mother and asked, “Why is that boy calling her Grandma? That’s my Grandma!” My mother was laughing so hard she almost stumbled, but she quickly gathered herself and attempted to explain to me in the best way that she could. As I became older I finally began to comprehend what it was my mother tried to explain to me back at that picnic. When I learned about everything that Grandma had done to adopt my mother, aunts and uncles I slowly began to realize the true character behind this amazing woman. I learned that her efforts and determination would forever leave their mark in history, as she and Harry Holt changed international adoption forever. The world has come to share Grandma even through my lifetime, which in return has allowed me to share Grandma with the world. Now while preparing for my senior year of college, I’m fascinated by how many people I meet who are Holt adoptees and how easily I’m able to connect with them on such a personal level. Though conversations about adoption always come up in different ways, the connection through Holt makes the responses so meaningful they’re hard to forget. No more than a few months ago, I learned a good friend of mine is a Holt adoptee. The bond we share through Holt is one that I wouldn’t change for A year of smiles ... -2008- the world. Working as an intern for Holt this summer has been an opportunity like no other. The joy I receive witnessing how far Holt has come over the last 50 years is unlike anything I ever expected. I find it surreal watching Holt’s mission come to life right in front of me. Knowing that our efforts will provide children with the same opportunities that were given to my mother, I’m sometimes overwhelmed. Above: University of Oregon journalism student Joey Russell with mom, Christine Holt Russell, at the Holt International 50th Anniversary Celebration in 2006. Christine was one of eight children adopted from Korea by Harry and Bertha Holt in 1955. Above left: The young Joey at a Holt Picnic with his grandma, Bertha Holt. I can’t imagine where I would be if Harry and Bertha hadn’t decided to bring back my mother and those seven other Korean children 52 years ago. —by Joey Russell, Holt intern The 2008 Holt International calendar features adopted children from around the world. Every calendar you purchase will benefit children who still need families of their own. The large wall calendar (12 x 18 when hung) will brighten your home or office and heart… every day of the year. $10 (pr ic e i nc l ude s shi ppi ng) O rder your s f rom www.holtinternational.org 17 w w w. h o l t i n t e r n a t i o n a l . o r g /c a l e n d a r family tree Leilou Guerrero, 9 months (China)—Omaha, Neb. Melanie, 14, and Molly Martin, 11 (both from Thailand)—Raleigh, N.C. Madeleine and Quinn Hinde-Schuster, both 2 (China)—Highland Park, Ill. Madeleine and Quinn Hinde-Schuster, both 2 (China)—Highland Park, Ill. Mya Stanberry, 2 (China)—West Des Moines, Iowa Siblings Alisa, 9; Aparna, 11; Madhura, 3; and Kamran Dettling, 7 (all from India)—Bridgton, Maine 18 Fall 2007 Zorigt, 1 (Mongolia) with mom Jessica and grandparents Elaine and Leon Smith—Washington, D.C. Kara, 6; Kaitlyn, 9; and Kristin Renfer, 11 (all from China)—Ferndale, Calif. Macy Sprecher, 4 (Mongolia)—Blue Springs, Mo. Ellie Wieties, 2½ (China) Racine, Wis. Mei, 2½, and Maggie Stewart, 4 (both from China)—Baton Rouge, La. Send your photos to Family Tree! Mail original color prints to: Holt International magazine P.O. Box 2880 Eugene, OR 97402 or upload digital photos at holtinternational.org/submissions Corey Watson Reid, 27 (Korea), and husband, Tony Reid— Jacksonville, Fla. Bhavani Passmore, 8 (India)— Kalispell, Mont. Mary Sinsheimer, 7 (China)—Sayre, Penn. Crystal Crosson Branstetter, 25 (Korea) and husband, Steven Branstetter—Clever, Mo. Elisa and Shawn Schleig with children Alex, 11 (Romania); Dvena, 6 (Haiti); Brandon, 4 (USA); Christine, 3 (Korea)—North Canton, Ohio Mikayla Fleming, 6 (Thailand)—Keizer, Ore. Erin Troutman, 29 (Korea) and husband, Troy Ritchie— Louisville, Ky. Jack, 13; Julie, 5 (Philippines); and Sam Williamson, 10—Little Rock, Ark. www.holtinternational.org 19 from the family A Year with Zoie Her “China Mama” gave this little girl with cleft lip and palate a chance for the medical help she needed—and now her adoptive family cannot remember life without her S September 1, 2006 Adapted from a blog by Leslie Albers Collierville, Tenn. We arrived in Los Angeles last night, and Zoie became an American citizen! Multiple signs in our yard welcomed us home. It was so exciting to walk into Zoie’s room with her. She loves her room! October 2006 Right: Zoie on her first trip to the beach. Below: The whole family— Eric, Leslie, Stephen, Zoie and Greg. Opposite page: Zoie with her two big brothers—Greg and Eric. Brother Eric is her best buddy and is so patient with her. He is great with teaching her baby signs. She knows over 40 signs now. The palate repair and lip revision took place October 10. We spent two nights in the hospital. Zoie turned 2 the day after we got home. The day did not pass without some contemplation on my part of how fortunate we are to have Zoie in our life, and how blessed she is to have a “China Mama” who loved her enough to give her life. I think about what it must have been like for her birth mother, and about the decision she made to risk going to jail or worse in order to give her daughter a chance at the medical care that she needed. We could not be filled with more gratitude to God for this gift or to Zoie’s “China Mama” for her sacrifice. Thanksgiving 2006 Gratitude... thankful appreciation. How can I count our many blessings? On November 27, we will celebrate 100 days with Zoie. She continues to be a source of joy and awe for the entire family. She continues to adjust to all the changes in her life and takes everything in stride. How wonderful to see the world through the eyes of a 2-year-old and remember what a fascinating place it is. The boys love her and are so proud to be her brothers. Everything she does they say, “Did you see that?” She is 20 Fall 2007 completely and totally grafted into this family, and we would all move mountains for her. I am so glad that I was able to take three months off work to spend with her. Zoie’s daycare is fabulous, and she loves it. She qualified medically for six months of speech therapy, and they will be going to her daycare two times per month. We will continue to work with her at home. She is completely healed from surgery and her palate looks great. Her lip also has less bulk and less of a “bump.” We are pleased with the results and glad to have that behind us. We are grateful for our kids, our strong family bond, our health, and this amazing new family member who reminds all of us every day how special we all are and how important having a family is. Christmas 2006 Last Christmas visions of our future daughter danced in our heads, but we did not know who she was or what she looked like. Our hearts ached to love her, but we had no idea how our hearts would overflow with love for her. Last December 4, Zoie had her lip repair done in China. She was in the hospital from December 2 to 23. This makes me so sad. I have no idea if anyone was able to be with her and hold her. I just can’t imagine her being alone, and I pray she wasn’t. This December 4, she was visiting the huge craniofacial team here in Memphis. They all thought she was doing great and her lip and palate repairs were exceptional. We are continuing her speech therapy Adopting from China families through our Waiting Child Program have minor or correctible special needs, just like Zoie. Current strategies All families in the standard process for a China adoption are currently experiencing long wait times—nearly two years at present. The lengthening wait is due to the enormous popularity of China adoptions and the huge number of family dossiers received by the CCAA over the past two years. We encourage any family open to a child from China with a medical condition or history to contact our Waiting Child Program regarding the China parallel processing option. While families are in process with an application to Holt or waiting with a dossier in China, they may consider children two times per month. Although she is still 8–10 months behind, she is becoming more verbal and really trying to work out her sounds. The sign language comes in handy when we can’t understand her words. She will use the word and the sign. On words we understand, she has dropped the sign, which is great progress. She has learned to say the word “no” very well and loves to say it loud and often. She is still so good and well behaved. She wraps everyone around her little finger. Mother’s Day 2007 Last April, we saw Zoie’s picture for the first time. We received our official Referral Packet. Last May marked the two-year point of starting our journey to Zoie. Last May, we found out that Zoie’s lip had been repaired and got a new picture of her! Adoption is truly a miracle, and every time I look at my daughter, I feel that more strongly. We are so blessed to be entrusted with the care of this precious gift from God. We are blessed to be able to be the ones to hear her laugh, see her eyes sparkle, and be the ones to kiss her boo-boos. We are blessed to be able to walk into her room at night, long after she has gone to sleep, and gaze upon the sweetest and prettiest little girl I have ever seen. She looks like an absolute angel when she sleeps. I don’t want to go to sleep myself without feeling her sweet, soft cheek as I released to Holt for home-finding: and, until a family is selected for a particular child through the Waiting Child Process, nothing changes with their dossier in China. Many children matched with kiss her one more time. I don’t want to go to sleep without telling her to have sweet dreams one more time, and I don’t want to go to sleep without thanking God one more time for the most abundant blessing that he has ever bestowed on our family “One more time.” That is what Zoie says when she wants good things to continue. She wants to “wing” “one more time.” She wants Greg to throw her up in the air “one more time.” She wants to slide “one more time.” She wants me to read her book “one more time.” So most of the time we do what she wants “one more time.” Why wouldn’t we? Her joy is our joy. Her laughter fills us with happiness. Her smile melts our hearts. Life is too short to miss the “one more times.” She will only be young once, and we do not want to waste a second of it. Due to lengthening processing times we encourage those families who have already adopted from China through Holt and considering another adoption to apply right away and get started. Consider another factor: since May 1, 2007 the CCAA registered far fewer dossiers, so we anticipate this current long wait will not last forever! —Beth Smith, MS, Director of Services, China Program Although we have always had a strong family bond, we are united more than we ever have been. Recently I was cooking dinner, and Eric was entertaining Zoie on her new play set. Usually, after a few minutes he is telling me that she wants me. After many minutes had passed and dinner was ready, I walked out the back door to find both boys fully engaged with each other to dote on and entertain their sister. She was beaming at them and laughing hysterically. My heart filled to overflowing as I thought, “Wow, those are my kids. My three wonderful gifts from God. How did I get so lucky?” August 2007 “One more time” also makes me thankful that although we thought we were through having children long ago, God said… One more time, and we said, Okay, one more time. I never really liked mornings, but Zoie has sure changed that. Finding Cheerios in my bed is not something that I ever thought I would be doing at this stage in my life, but this stage of my life is the perfect time for Cheerios in my bed. It makes me stop and think about what is really important, it makes me slow down a little, and it makes me laugh. We can’t imagine life without this one more child. We love her more every day. Her brothers love her with a fierce passion I have never seen in them. They are proud of things she does, and they brag like a “proud mama” about new things she learns. At a time when the boys had gotten old enough to always be in a different room or off doing their own thing, this little princess has brought our family together. One year? It has flown by. I am grateful and overjoyed that we did not miss out on the miracle of adoption, and the miracle that is Zoie Li Xinyang. We are better because of Zoie. We want to be better for Zoie. We have all grown in ways we never knew we could. We have come out on the other side of this as more complex and richer individuals because we have experienced a special blessing. ■ www.holtinternational.org 21 from the family How I Became Mr. Honey Bunny An uncle’s special relationship with nieces from China by Glenn Setliff Mebane, N.C. L Last night I stood in the parking lot of a local pizza joint wearing one of those plastic Groucho Marx glasses, nose and mustache masks while being pelted with Silly String by two beautiful Chinese girls laughing at me and calling me “Mr. Honey Bunny.” On a coolness scale, this probably put me just below the slob from the Mystery Date Game. No, I wasn’t a contestant on a cheesy reality show. And no, it wasn’t a college frat house hazing stunt. It was just two little girls stealing their uncle’s heart once again. Mr. Honey Bunny aka Uncle Glenn, with nieces Mollie (Sugar Bear) and Mary Katherine (Sweetie Pie) Mitchell. It all started when my twin sister, Mary, and her husband, Don, invited my wife and me to a Holt International adoption introductory session. Having seen the 20/20 specials on the issues that some families had faced by adopting children from other countries, I was skeptical. I also didn’t want my sister to get her hopes too high. She had spent years and many thousands of dollars on unsuccessful fertility treatments. My mind was changed during the information session and afterwards, as we stood in the parking lot, we all agreed that it just felt right. A little over a year later, I joined a group of over 50 people of all ages at the airport to welcome Mary Katherine into our family. I guess I’m a typical male—I don’t usually connect with kids right away. With Mary Katherine, it happened at my oldest sister’s farm following one of our family’s holiday touch football games. I was sitting on the sofa and Mary Katherine just plopped down beside me. After a dramatic sigh, she suddenly crawled into my lap, squeezed my cheeks together really hard and started giggling. I started laughing, hugged her and said the first thing that came to my mind, “You’re my little Sweetie Pie!” From then on, my sister Mary would always accuse us of having our own secret language, because we could always make each other laugh. Several years later, Mary and Don received word from Holt that within several months, they could return to China to adopt a second child. The scare of the respiratory disease SARS was running rampant in Asia. In what must have been a gut-wrenching discussion, they decided that Don and Mary Katherine would stay home while Mary and I went to China. From the moment we met her, it was clear that 24 Winter 2007 22 Fall 2007 Mollie was going to be in control. Those first few days were tough—Mary and I took turns holding Mollie and feeding her when she cried, but we could tell she just didn’t want to trust us yet. Then on the second night, I was reading an article about Arctic polar bears in National Geographic when she woke up and started crying. It was my turn, and when I picked her up, I could tell there was a difference. She clutched my sleeve with one tiny hand and the buttons on my shirt with the other one and buried her head into my chest. She was hugging me back for the first time. I stood up and walked to the window. With the picture of a baby polar bear still fresh in my mind, I simply said in a low, soft voice, “It’s okay, Sugar Bear,” over and over again. For the next two weeks, we were practically inseparable. Fast forward four years. This past Christmas, I had been visiting my oldest son in Poland, so Mary and I decided to meet the last night at the halfway point between our houses to celebrate with the girls, who were excited about the Christmas gifts they had bought me. On the drive up, I got a phone call. “Uncle Glenn.” “Hey Sugar Bear!” “Mary Katherine and I have a new name for you. You want to hear it?” “Of course! What –” “It’s Mr. Honey Bunny. I’m Sugar Bear, Mary Katherine is Sweetie Pie and you’re Mr. Honey Bunny! We just thought that up!” I could hear Mary Katherine laughing in the background, and we all three giggled. “And you know what? We got you Christmas presents and I’m not going to tell you what they are.” She continued in a whisper. “Mom said we have to wait until after we eat.” “That sounds great! I can’t –” “I love you. Bye.” Click. After supper, I opened my gifts. Mary Katherine gave me a Groucho Marx mask and Mollie gave me some Silly String. And there I stood in the parking lot of a local pizza joint wearing a Groucho Marx mask getting sprayed with Silly String by two beautiful Chinese girls laughing at me and calling me “Mr. Honey Bunny.” Yeah, I probably looked like an idiot. But for an uncle, or, better yet, a “Mr. Honey Bunny,” it just doesn’t get any better than that. ■ To find out more about adopting children with special needs in Korea and other countries, visit the Waiting Child section of our website at: www. holtinternational.org/ waitingchild/photolisting A Special Reunion Above: Jin-kyoo (l) and Yong-woo at Ilsan, South Korea, Summer 2006. • Above right: Yong-woo (l), now named AntonYong, visited his friend Connor (Jin-kyoo) at home in Missouri, Summer 2007. Just a little over a year ago, both AntonYong and Connor lived at the Holt Ilsan Center, a residential treatment facility for children with special needs outside Seoul, South Korea. Connor was the mascot for the Ilsan Choir, and AntonYong was the little boy with yellow “Harry Potter” glasses. Now both boys have permanent families in the United States. This summer, they reunited at Connor’s home in Missouri. Children at Ilsan receive excellent physical and occupational therapy, and some are able to be adopted internationally. A Pair of Shoes: The language of love between mother and daughter I adopted Alexandra in Romania in August 2000. She turned 5 a few weeks later. Alex learned English quickly but did not always know the meaning of what she was saying, or what was being said to her. She had some trouble with reading and math but by age 10 was only two years behind instead of four. Letter of Love from China Written by Bonnie Cuzzolino Illustrated by Jax Bennett 2006, Plum Blossom Books, NJ, www. plumblossombooks.com; $19 + shpg. A portion of proceeds will be donated to Holt International, Foster Care Program. Written from a birth mom’s perspective, Letter of Love from China paints a loving and respectful picture of a child’s relinquishment in China. Through vivid and colorful illustrations, combined with clear, simple language with appeal to all ages, the book has a poignant yet uplifting message. So often parents struggle with positive ways to answer questions about why their child was abandoned in China. This book will help parents answer these questions and communicate the heartfelt and loving choice that a birth mom in China makes, and the cultural context behind this decision. Cuzzolino depicts the relinquishment for what it is, a selfless act of love. Reviewed by Beth Smith, MS Director of Services, China Program She is quick-witted, humorous and intuitive, which has caught me off guard quite a few times. She still needs some encouragement but has a whole lot more confidence in herself than she used to. One day, before she spoke English very well, she took my comb while I was preparing to go to church. I was all ready except for slipping on my shoes and combing my hair. I came out of my room and asked her several times, where is my comb? She looked me up and down with a serious expression, saw that my feet were bare, and ran to get for me what turned out to be a pair of shoes. They didn’t match, but I wore them anyway…and I did not mind that my hair didn’t look too good. Tereza Alexandra Joy-Christeena is the joy of my life. Alexandra Nealy at age 10. —by Judith Nealy/ Jackson, Michigan A Christmas Story Holt adoptive mom Christine Ernst-Shetler’s book, Little Black Squirrel’s Big Wish, sold almost 700 copies in its first three months following publication late last year. The book, about a little squirrel who wishes for a family, includes a retelling of the birth of Jesus. Christine will donate a percentage of proceeds back to Holt for each book sold. She and her husband adopted their daughter, Ankita, from India over four years ago. You can purchase the book directly through the NSR Book Company, 7761 Ft. Laurens Rd, Strasburg, OH 44680 (SASE for order form) or e-mail Christine at chris@ actionnowinc.com A percentage of the price also goes to Holt for books purchased through Amazon.com via the Holt website: www.holtinternational.org/shopping/ www.holtinternational.org 23 waiting child Ryan Waiting Children Waiting Children Special needs, special blessings Van Luke Special needs, special blessings These children and many others you can view on Holt’s website need adoptive families. They may have various challenges such as medical conditions, or they may simply be older or in sibling groups, but they have so much to offer the family who makes them their own son or daughter. Interested in a Waiting Child? Contact Holt’s Waiting Child Program at 541-687-2202. View a photolisting of other waiting children or apply online: holtinternational.org/waitingchild Van Yun-seong Harshil Van loves to be held, smiles when talked to and can roll over. Only 2.7 pounds after a premature birth, he has developmental delays and was diagnosed with cerebral palsy. *$5,000 grant available from Brittany’s Hope Yun-seong actively moves his arms and legs and when lying on his stomach can lift his head for a short time. His initial physical exam showed a heart murmur, a soft mass on his tongue, and polydactyl of one finger on his right hand and both big toes. He has been in care since birth. A calm-natured child who speaks in a polite, respectful manner, Harshil came into care at 5. Fluent in his native tongue, he can also understand simple English. He is cooperative in groups, likes to be neat and well dressed, and takes good care of his belongings. Truong Tracie Truong can sit well without support and hold onto the crib to stand. He speaks simple words and understands what is spoken to him. Born prematurely, he is malnourished, suffers from rickets, has delayed motor and cognitive development and may have cerebral palsy. *5,000 Brittany’s Hope grant available Beautiful, energetic Tracie says several syllables, is able to stand and loves playing with toys. A premature birth with oxygen starvation caused perinatal encephalopathy. She has psychological and physical developmental delays, cannot walk and does not understand speech directed toward her, but her motor skills are improving. Greg Nick A strong boy who likes to crawl, walk and climb, Greg shares his toys with younger children but gets angry if older ones try to take toys away. Diagnosed with spinal meningocele, a form of spina bifida, he underwent surgery in February. Nick has Down syndrome with associated developmental delays but repeats words, uses gestures to indicate his needs or wants, and understands action verbs. He runs, jumps and skips and engages in simple games. Tim Rajesh A quiet, happy child, Tim loves it when his foster mother takes him outside to play. He can stand while holding onto something for support. Genetically male, he has ambiguous genitalia. Rajesh likes to assist elders and be independent in almost all his work. Surgery is advised for a minor hearing loss and ear discharge. *$5,000 grant available from Brittany’s Hope Born in Vietnam, August 15, 2005 Ryan Born in Haiti, April 7, 2003 Ryan enjoys playing outside with other children. He does not speak clearly but can combine two words into a sentence, understands action verbs, and answers simple questions. Anemic due to a vitamin deficiency, Ryan is being treated for dermatophyte, a kind of skin infection. Luke Born in China, May 24, 2004 A well-mannered, active boy, Luke loves to play with his peers and enjoys helping his foster mother. He has congenital deformity of his upper extremities with passive use of his left hand. He can use his right arm more fully. Bharath Born in India, October 15, 2005 Bharath listens selectively, responds to his name and babbles and laughs. He can sit alone and stand with support. Born prematurely with a low birth weight, he has mild, noncommunicating hydrocephalus and mild ventriculomegaly. *$5,000 grant available from Brittany’s Hope 24 Fall 2007 Born in Korea, February 26, 2007 Born in Vietnam, February 2, 2005 Born in China, August 1, 2005 Born in China, February 23, 2006 Born in India, May 27, 2000 Born in E. Europe/C. Asia, March 26, 2006 Born in E. Europe/C. Asia, Jan. 18, 2004 Born in India, August 4, 2002 Holt’s descriptions of waiting children are based on information available to Holt from caregivers and medical personnel in the child’s country of origin. Holt cannot guarantee the accuracy of these descriptions or that the medical and psychological diagnoses published here are correct and complete. Nolan Tracie Greg Country rules prohibit use of actual photo. Bharath Tim Nick Country rules prohibit use of actual photo. Rajesh Yun-seong Miguel, 4; and Nazario, 3 Truong Brothers Miguel and Nazario need to be placed together. Their primary language is Spanish. Full of energy and curiosity, Miguel loves family outings, especially to the park. His smile and laughter are contagious. He is a healthy child but has overall developmental delays. Nazario loves discovering the wonders of life. He likes to pass a ball back and forth with Miguel or with his foster parents. One of his eyes is a prosthetic, and he has been diagnosed with hypotonia (decreased muscle tone). Oregon Waiting Child Harshil Agencies reduce fees for the adoption of a child in state care, and financial assistance may be available. To learn more, call the Special Needs Adoption Coalition at The Boys and Girls Aid Society at (877) 932-2734 x 2392, or DHS at (800) 331-0503. Also visit www.boysandgirlsaid. org and www.nwae.org for information and photos of waiting children. *Brittany’s Hope grants are available for nine months from their granting date, which varies by child. Find out more at www.brittanyshope.org www.holtinternational.org 25 from the family In the Waiting Zone The wait for adoption is not so very different from a pregnancy... the long gestation period allows time for a mother to grow by Kristen Berry Cumming, Georgia The author holds baby Ella, adopted from China by her friend, Laura. E Everyone told us the waiting period would be the hardest part in our process to adopt a baby girl from China. I don’t think so, I’d say to myself as we plodded our way through a daunting stack of paperwork. To say that I don’t like paperwork is an understatement, and so I was looking forward to the waiting period. That was almost two years ago. So much time has gone by to think about and anticipate the moment we will get this baby girl; I now understand why the waiting is the hardest part. Our lives are full as it is with a 13-year-old son, but wherever I go and whatever I do, the baby girl from China is with me in my mind. There are many things to do in preparing the house for our newest family member, but somehow it just doesn’t fill the space in my mind. I have run the gamut of insecurities over When we do get our baby girl, the waiting will be over— and a new chapter will begin. every aspect of becoming a mother of two. Will I do as good a job the second time around? Will I worry too much because she is just a little girl? Will I still have time to write? To all these questions, I answer probably yes. In the meantime, the waiting period has become akin to standing on a dock watching a sailboat drift further and further from my reach as a gusty wind blows through its sails. Can I catch the sailboat? Should I even try? What if I fail? These questions remind me of the same worries I have over our adoption process. I used to think I didn’t need any moral support from families who have adopted from China because our lives are already so busy that it’s hard to fit in one more social event, let alone establish a common bond with other adoptive families. As months have turned into years, I am relieved to have a friend that seems to know me 26 Fall 2007 better than I know myself. She and her husband recently returned from China with their own baby girl. Like us, they also have a 13-year-old son. From the moment they received their referral for the baby, they set up a baby blog online for everyone to follow while they were in China. I found myself checking that blog every day while they were gone. They posted a variety of pictures of their beautiful baby named “Ella” and her acclimation to her new family. Seeing the pictures and reading about their adoption story was like a pacifier to me. China began to seem like a very real place where I, too, would become the mother of a baby girl. When they returned, I attended their baby’s birthday party. This baby was so happy and easy going. Watching the celebration, I again began to feel pangs of doubt that such an amazing event could happen for us. My friend Laura told me with casual but unwavering certainty that we’d have our baby before we knew it. That was four months ago. Recently, I was on my way into the grocery store thinking about baby food, diapers, and grocery carts with broken safety straps and hidden germs on the handle, so close to where babies sit. Was I ready for all of this? I remembered how intense I was as a first time mother, and I didn’t think I could go through all that again, yet I felt that I must, in order to be a great mom for baby number two. I was ready to cry just thinking about it, but I called my friend Laura instead. I could hear baby Ella in the background making her usual happy sounds. Calm as always, Laura told me that I am not going to duplicate my first time mothering experience because I am a different person than I was 13 years ago. “You are so much wiser now,” she said. That tripped a wire for me and for the first time, I stopped worrying about everything. I suddenly realized that I am more mature, wise and probably even stronger than I was at 26 years old. I cried tears of relief right there in the grocery store, and Laura stayed on the phone with me until I was able to actually focus on buying food. I still don’t think my friend knows what her words meant to me that day. That was two months ago. We are still in the waiting zone with about 10 months to go before we get our referral. There is only one thing that I would do differently concerning our adoption process. I would not have told anyone but close friends and family that we are adopting. People tend to think that we have changed our minds because almost two years have gone by since we made our big announcement. I often tell these people to think of the adoption process from China as the “gestational period” of an elephant. That usually brings a good laugh and some great conversation concerning our preparation for the baby. Things to Do While You Prepare Find creative ways to bear the waiting period—and make it count! • Connect with other local adoptive/waiting families. • Spend quality time with your spouse and children before the new child arrives. • Log babysitting hours and childcare experience to refresh your memory. • Read books from Holt‘s suggested reading list. • Visit the library for books on culture, food, history and literature of your child‘s country, and for books on childcare and adoption. • Challenge yourself to learn the alphabet and some words, phrases, songs, nursery rhymes and recipes from your child’s country. • Paint, decorate and otherwise prepare your child‘s room. • Begin your child’s lifebook. • Interview and select a pediatrician. • Attend several adult adoptee panels and lectures. My friend Laura recently sent us some copies of baby Ella’s first portraits. I keep them handy so that I can look at them and smile instead of feeling discouraged over the long wait. We are updating our homestudy and that means more paperwork, only it’s a little different this time. Now that I can compare the paperwork to the waiting game I can honestly say that the paperwork is so much easier than the space between the decision to adopt and the moment we will have our baby. • Write out a daily prayer for your child and record answers to your prayers. It has been important, even necessary for me to have the connection with my friend Laura. She has taught me so much about myself that I never knew. When we do get our baby girl, the waiting will be over—and a new chapter will begin. One thing is sure—there will probably be a thousand things I should have done around the house while we were waiting, but none of them could compare to the thought of being a mother to a baby girl from • Sponsor a child in Holt‘s Sponsorship Program. While Holt will not solicit donations from you while you‘re in the adoption process, you may support a child in care through sponsorship. It’s a wonderful way to connect with a child who is also waiting. Helping to provide care for a child will help you feel in touch with the caring that your child needs. • Create a blogsite. • Make a quilt for your child. • Take your yearly vacation. • Prepare and frame a family tree that includes your new child. • Start an exercise program to build stamina for international travel and the new physical demand of carrying a child. —compiled from staff articles and also from lists sent by Holt families Robin and Randy Bridgeman and Ivy Shaffer Preparing for Your Child Why not change your point of view about waiting? I’m not going to “wait” anymore. I think I would like to do away with the word “wait” in all of its forms—wait, waiting, waited, weight. By definition, “wait: to remain inactive or in a state of repose, as until something expected happens.” We’ve all heard ourselves saying it: “I just can’t take this wait anymore.” That sound you hear is us being sucked into this big, dark abyss called “the wait.” The word implies inaction. It carries its own endlessness. It stretches out before us, infinitely. I don’t think it’s a very good word. Let’s try this on instead. By definition, “prepare: to make ready beforehand for a specific purpose, as for an event or occasion.” Ultimately, we each get to choose how we deal with the time between now and when we are united with our children. The days will pass, there will be speculation all over the place, but, eventually, by what feels like tiny, little ant steps, we will get there. Spending that time preparing for your child, preparing for the huge change it will bring about in your life, your home, your family, your every day existence, will only help make that transition easier. It doesn’t mean you don’t long for your child or that you’re not frustrated by it taking so long. It doesn’t mean you love your child any less. It just means you are making the choice to climb out of that abyss and back into the light. —by Lori Halop Reprinted with the author‘s permission from an online adoption forum. Be sure to visit the Holt online adoption forum at holtinternational.org/forums www.holtinternational.org 27 adoptees today Coming Full Circle Adopting a son from Korea brought a sense of completion to this adult adoptee, who remembers nothing of early life in her motherland by Melanie Edwards Sacramento, Calif. Above left: Melanie at the airport with her mom, Diane Stillson, when she first came home at age 2½. Above right: Melanie and Jim with their son, Jacob, 2007. Opposite page, top: Melanie with Jacob the first time they met. A August 29, 2005: This was my third trip back to Korea, but the anxiousness I felt boarding the plane felt brand new. I had several moments of déjà vu while waiting to board, hearing Hangeul over the loud speaker of flights departing and arriving and listening to those around me. It still felt very foreign to me, but no one would know that looking at my black hair, olive skin and almond-shaped eyes. Holt Family Tour This was actually my fourth time being in Korea. I was born there in 1973. In 1975, I boarded a plane to leave and start my life, never expecting to return. From the first moment I got off the plane and felt the thick humid air, it was hard for me to believe that at one time I was part of this “land of the morning calm.” I didn’t understand the language, the food was different, and everyone and everything around me was Korean—something I wasn’t used to. Nothing was familiar. I don’t know the circumstances that placed me in an orphanage at about a year old and then to a caring foster home, and I probably never will. I have thought about and grieved over this loss many times. My first memory was the first night in my new home in America. I remember nothing of those early years in Korea. Growing up, I thought of returning to Korea only in a fantasy way, like the way one would dream of going to some exotic place, but knowing they really would not ever go. I was more concerned about hanging out with my friends, trying not to feel too different from them. For long periods of time I “forgot” about those first losses, but in the back of my mind they were always there. 28 Fall 2007 My first trip back to Korea I took with my Mom when I was in my early twenties—on the Holt Family Tour. However, I don’t remember much of the trip. Emotionally, it was too much for me to handle. I wanted to share that trip with no one except my mom, and no one will understand the experience as well as she. I was used to being the only Korean in the room, and often times the only Asian in the room. I wanted to shrink so no one would notice me, which was the same way I felt many times back home. But despite the feeling of awkwardness, there was something comforting about being able to blend in. I really noticed this when my blonde mom and I visited a rest stop and an elderly Korean gentleman pointed at my mother and sternly said, “Foreigner!” We both had a good laugh about it later on. Along with realizing I was blending in physically with those around me, I couldn’t help but look at country he came from. I felt a sense of pride realizing not only was he part of this wonderful country, his mother was, too. everyone, especially older women and wonder, “Could I possibly share blood with that person? Is she a birth aunt, birth cousin or even my birth ommah?” A bizarre feeling swept through me—somewhere on these streets I could be passing by the person that gave birth to me. But again I felt that same sadness which at times consumes my heart, thinking about my son’s birthmother and how hard her decision must have been and how brave she was to make a plan of adoption for her child. It also made me think of my own birthmother again and what it must have been like for her to endure the pain of labor and care for her child for a year and then have to let her go. This first trip was also the first time I really felt the loss that people talk about when being adopted, knowing somewhere in the recesses of my mind were experiences I would never remember. There was a birth mother. There was a time she walked these same streets with me cradled in her arms. There was a time she had to make a decision to let her daughter go, so her daughter could live. The mere thought of it still overwhelms me at times. One morning during the trip I woke up sobbing, grieving from a draining previous day of exploring my past. We had visited the orphanage where I was placed and saw the logbook, which contained my name (given to me by the orphanage), where I was found, alone, and about how old I was. Sitting in the small room looking at this piece of my past was an experience that I can only describe as a moment “where time stood still.” That next morning as I grieved my past, my mom came over to my bed and just held me and wiped away my tears. This is what this trip was about for me—really understanding what it means to have a forever family. I wanted to yell through the streets that I was okay and my life has been good, and I was happy, in hopes that somehow those words would get to her. share similar experiences and can relate to you with a look or smile without having to explain themselves. They don’t question why you don’t look like your family members, or why your last name does not fit “ethnic” features of your face. But despite wonderful friendships and the fun I was having, as I looked around the city I still felt like an outsider looking into something I was supposed to be a part of. I secretly looked at others and wondered if they would be able to answer the questions I had about the first years of my life. Motherland Visit Adopting a Child My second trip to Korea was much more lighthearted. The government of one of the provinces in Korea funded a trip for adult adoptees to visit their motherland and gain some cultural experiences they previously had not known or had forgotten. I went with my husband, Jim. We only had to pay half our airfare, and the government funded the rest of the 10 days. I refused to attach any “heavy” emotions to the trip, because I couldn’t handle it emotionally. My third trip was different in so many ways. This time, I was there to meet my first child, my son. Jim and I had talked about adopting in the past, but after we had a child biologically. For many who are adopted, the hopes of having a child biologically helps fill the gap of some unanswered questions of the past. For me, at this time, having a child biologically was another loss I had to grieve before I could get on that plane to bring home my son. This trip actually felt more like a vacation; I saw beautiful things and met some wonderful people I am still friends with to this day. There is something very special about being around other people who This time when I got off the plane everything felt familiar, like I was seeing Korea the way I should have my first trip back. I wanted to take everything in so that someday I could tell my son what a beautiful Along with the sadness came a feeling of elation that was almost indescribable when I held my son for the first time. His smile was contagious and all the sadness that I felt melted when I saw him. I couldn’t believe how beautiful he was. I was in complete awe of him. When we took him home forever, my husband and I could not contain our emotions any further. We held our son—our son!—and each other, and cried. But this time these were not tears from grieving—these were tears of utter joy. This was our forever family. It didn’t matter how we became a family, but the fact that we were a family. I thought of my own mom and dad and what it was like for them, the first time they held me. With my son asleep in my arms while I walked the streets that I proudly call my motherland, I realized I had come full circle—from a Korean adoptee to an adoptive parent. I know that my son will grieve his past in his own way, but knowing we share that bond of adoption is something that I hope will make grieving those losses a bit easier. There were times in my past I wondered why I was adopted, and why God had chosen this path for me. Watching my son while he slept close to my heart, I knew—this was the plan God had in store for me when I boarded that first airplane all those years ago. ■ www.holtinternational.org 29 calendar Texas Nebraska Nov. 9—Holt Benefit Art Auction at Paradise Cove in Grapevine for children in Holt’s care affected by HIV/AIDS. An Evening at the Lake with Holt President and CEO Gary Gamer. Contact: Julia Banta, Event Chair, at juliabanta@mac. com or Monica Wilton, Holt Events Manager, at [email protected] or (800) 451-0732 Feb. 23, 2008—Holt Colors of Hope Dinner Auction in Omaha. 5:30 p.m. Featured speaker is Holt Board member Steve Stirling. Contact: Monica Wilton, Holt Events Manager, at monicaw@ holtinternational.org or (800) 451-0732 July 2008—Holt Adoptee Camp in Ashland for adoptees 9–16 years old. Contact: Steve Kalb at (541) 687-2202 or [email protected] Arkansas December 1—Holt Quarterly Meeting and Christmas Open House at Indian Hills Church, 6801 JFK Blvd. in North Little Rock, 2-5 p.m. For more details go to: www.holtinternational.org/adoption/branches/ arbranch.shtml New Jersey July 14-18, 2008—Camp Friendship Korea at Shrine of St. Joseph in Stirling for campers entering kindergarten to eighth grade the following September. Go to: www.campfriendshipnj.com California Jan. 27, 2008—Holt Silk Bag Luncheon at the Event Center at St. Mary’s Cathedral in San Francisco. Featured speaker is Holt Board member Steve Stirling. Contact: Monica Wilton, Holt Events Manager, at [email protected] or (800) 451-0732 August 2008—Holt Adoptee Camp in Dobbins for adoptees 9–16 years old. Contact: Steve Kalb at (541) 687-2202 or [email protected] Holt Board member Julia Banta with a young artist at the Close to You Foundation in Iasi, Romania, June 2007. Banta chairs the Holt Benefit Art Auction to be held Nov. 9 in Grapevine, Texas. Kansas / Missouri Oct. 6, 2007 –Feb. 10, 2008—Rising Dragon: Ancient Treasures from China at the Nelson Atkins Museum of Art in Kansas City, Mo. For more information www.nelson-atkins.org/art Feb. 23, 2008— Chinese New Year Support Group Lunch for all Holt MO / KS families, 11 a.m.-2 p.m. For details, contact the Branch Office: missouri@ holtinternational.org or (816) 822-2169 a big July 21-25, 2008—Camp Friendship China at Shrine of St. Joseph in Stirling for campers entering kindergarten to eighth grade the following September. Go to: www.campfriendshipnj.com August 2008—Holt Adoptee Camp for adoptees 9–16 years old. Contact: Steve Kalb at (541) 687-2202 or [email protected] Oregon July 2008—Holt Adoptee Camp in Corbett for adoptees 9–16 years old. Contact: Steve Kalb at (541) 687-2202 or [email protected] Thank you to our donors for their generous support of our auctions and fundraising events Portland Dinner & Auction 2006 Silk Bag Luncheon 2007 John & Shirley Beier SELCO Community Credit Union Ross & Gloria Edwards Jeffrey & Carol Saddington Pacific Continental Bank Jim & Leah Barfoot Fieldstone Winery David & Nicole Kaufman Peter & Jane Kay Mark & Nancy Brown MoonRattles BEMA Electronics Texas Tea & Fashion Show 2007 Valley River Inn Larry & Lisa Cahill Ken Choi Cherng Loong Melody of China Texas Oncology & Dr. Randall T. Davis CDI Vaults Michael Curtis Paul Disdier Omaha Dinner & Auction 2007 Verizon Pacific Office Automation Eugene Dinner & Auction 2007 Audio Visual Management Services Tim Larson King Estate Winery Seoul Identity Associated Business Systems KVAL TV Neil Koehler & Cindy Toy Don Courtney Paul Disdier Jerry’s Home Improvement McKenzie River Broadcasting Lincoln Financial - Martin L. Bauer Memorial Fund Richard Gunningham Skip & Kim Hanson Tim Larson Skip & Kim Hanson Jennifer Lalime InTouch Communications Jody Lawson Kenneth A. Spanel, DDS KGW Northwest NewsChannel 8 Steven & Lori Stangl MCH Construction Big Red Printing Jeffrey Saddington Omnium Worldwide Ken Wright Cellars Andy & Susan Bailey Wells Fargo 30 Summer 2007 Matt & Donna Johnson Skip & Kim Hanson Greg & Cynthia Bigelow Phil & Julene Littleton The Best Little Printhouse in Town Claire Helping a Child Today Brown-eyed beauty, For many years, one of my closest friends from college worked for an international child sponsorship and relief organization, helping provide medical care, food, housing, clothing and so on for many of the world’s poorest and least cared for. I asked him once if, after all his efforts and those of the organization, there was any appreciable improvement in the world as a whole. His reply was that whether there was or not, the most important consideration was that each person who was helped needed that help today. You came from so far away, A stranger looking for a home. Your mama helped you find the way. You are a storybook of wonder. Each day you turn over a new page That makes me want to read on, To discover another secret, Another subtle shade of the mystery of who you are, and who you will be. —Paul L. Kegel Editor’s Note: Dr. Kegel helped Claire’s mother through her adoption process. This poem, written on the occasion of Claire’s 8th birthday, marks “the wonder and joy that an adopted child like Claire brings to her family and all those who know her,” says Dr. Kegel. “Claire was an inspiration to two of my children who have subsequently adopted children from China.” Seven years ago, I had the inexpressible joy of seeing a good friend of mine return from China with the beautiful little girl I had helped her to adopt. Nearly 30 years earlier, I experienced this same overwhelming joy when I adopted my own daughter. If you are one of those fortunate individuals who has adopted a child, you, too, know this fantastic thrill and love that accompanies an adoption. If you are in the process of adopting, you feel the excitement that daily grows greater as you draw nearer to that magic moment when you finally are united with your child. So it is with sponsoring a child through Holt International. Holt cannot help every child in need; but, when you sponsor a child, you help that child today, and tomorrow, and the next day—until that precious child (“your child,” in many ways) is in a permanent, loving family. You will have helped make a better, happier, healthier future for that one child. And, when “your child” is in a permanent, loving family, you will feel that same great surge of joy that I and countless others have felt when a little child at last has a family, a home and a future. —Paul L. Kegel, De Pere, Wisconsin Orphaned, abandoned and vulnerable children around the world need food, shelter, clothing and medical treatment... essentials your sponsorship of $30 per month will help provide. Choose a child to sponsor from Holt’s website: holtinternational.org/sponsorship or call 888.355.HOLT Your Sponsorship can... Claire at age 1½ in her bedroom for the first time. Places in the heart connection :: culture :: experience :: engage 20 08 Holt Heritage Tours China Family Tours Contact Steve Hejna, China Program | (541) 687-2202 | steveh @ holtinternational.org Korea Motherland Tour | Korea Family Tour Contact Paul Kim, Korea Program | (541) 687-2202 | paulk@ holtinternational.org Thailand Family Tours Contact Marissa Leuallen, Thailand Program | (541) 687-2202 | marissal @ holtinternational.org h o l t i n t e r n a t i o n a l.o r g /t o u r s Post Of fice Box 2880 Eugene OR 974 02 Change Service Requested Nonprofit Org US Postage Paid Eugene OR Permit No. 291
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