Summer 2007 Vol. 49 No. 3 Abandoned, Vulnerable Children in Eastern Europe Annual Graduate Edition Open the eyes of your heart Children in Eastern Europe wait for adoptive families. Holt International is looking for pioneer families for: • Kazakhstan • Kyrgyzstan • Ukraine FINDINGFAMILIES FORCHILDREN Request an adoption information packet: www.holtinternational.org Dear Readers For nearly a year families and adoptees have been sending in photos and short bios for the “Graduate Edition” of Holt International magazine. Through the years, this annual issue has been especially popular with our readers. It is a proud time for all of us—parents, the network of Holt staff and our colleagues overseas—to look over these photos of those who have graduated from high school, college or vocational school. They powerfully represent the success of Holt’s mission. We take credit for only a portion of this success. After all, it was the adoptees’ efforts and their families’ everyday devotion and commitment that ultimately brought them to this place of achievement. It’s remarkable to see the contrast between children who appear in the stories about Holt’s current programs overseas compared to the mature, confident and accomplished young men and women listed in this issue. It’s amazing to project into the future and visualize these yet-to-be-placed children as the new graduates just a few years from now. Still, there are many Holt adoptees of this same age who don’t appear on these pages. Over the years, we at Holt lose contact with many families. Their families may have moved or simply chose not to stay in touch. On a side note, it’s really great that many of these families reconnect with Holt when their children graduate. I realize, too, that some adoptees may feel a bit shy about sending their information. They may feel intimidated by the achievements for many included in this magazine. They may have struggled in school, or their accomplishments may seem meager by comparison. Adoptees are regular people, after all, representing the full range of humanity. We offer our prayers and praise for all adoptees who are graduating into new phases of their lives. You are precious to your families, to us and to our Lord. As David Kim once said: “All children are precious in the sight of God.” And we firmly believe it. —John Aeby, Editor contents Facing THE Future Holt’s Work in Eastern Europe Saluting the 2007 Graduates 6 20 Advice to Graduating Adoptees 26 adopting Ways to stay connected to the Holt community after you graduate. adoptees today Finding My Birth Family 28 departments Update Directions Around the Globe Waiting Child From the Family Neighborhood Calendar Family Tree 4 5 12 14 16 30 31 Our Mission Holt International is dedicated to carrying out God’s plan for every child to have a permanent, loving family. In 1955 Harry and Bertha Holt responded to the conviction that God had called them to help children left homeless by the Korean War. Though it took an act of the U.S. Congress, the Holts adopted eight of those children. But they were moved by the desperate plight of other orphaned children in Korea and other countries as well, so they founded Holt International Children’s Services in order to unite homeless children with families who would love them as their own. Today Holt International serves children and families in Cambodia, China, Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (North Korea), Guatemala, Haiti, India, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Mongolia, Nepal, the Philippines, the Republic of Korea (South Korea), Romania, Thailand, Uganda, Ukraine, the United States and Vietnam. President & CEO Gary N. Gamer Vice-President of Programs & Services Carole Stiles Vice-President of Marketing & Development Phillip A. Littleton Vice-President of Public Policy & Advocacy Susan Soon-keum Cox Vice-President of Finance & Administration Kevin Sweeney Board of Directors Chair Kim S. Brown Vice-Chair Will C. Dantzler President Emeritus Dr. David H. Kim Secretary Claire A. Noland Members Andrew R. Bailey, Julia K. Banta, James D. Barfoot, Rebecca C. Brandt, Dean Bruns, Wilma R. Cheney, Clinton C. Cottrell, Cynthia G. Davis, A. Paul Disdier, Rosser B. Edwards, Kim A. Hanson, Joseph P. Matturro, Jeffrey B. Saddington, Richard J. Salko, Shirley M. Stewart, Steven G. Stirling Holt International magazine is published bimonthly by Holt International Children’s Services, Inc., a nonprofit Christian child welfare organization. While Holt International is responsible for the content of Holt International magazine, the viewpoints expressed in this publication are not necessarily those of the organization. Editor John Aeby Managing Editor Alice Evans Graphics Brian Campbell, Alice Evans Intern Joey Russell Reprint Information Permission from Holt International is required prior to reprinting any portion of Holt International magazine. Please direct reprint requests to editor John Aeby at 541/687.2202 or [email protected]. Arkansas Office 25 Whispering Drive, Edgemont, AR 72044 Ph/Fax: 501/723.4444 California Office 3807 Pasadena Ave., Suite 115, Sacramento, CA 95821 Ph: 916/487.4658 Fax: 916/487.7068 Midwest Office Serving Iowa, Nebraska and South Dakota 10685 Bedford Ave., Suite 300, Omaha, NE 68134 Ph: 402/934.5031 Fax: 402/934.5034 Cover: Two girls at an orphanage in Ukraine. Story p. 6 A reunion in Korea brings answers to many questions. Holt International Children’s Services P.O. Box 2880 (1195 City View) Eugene, OR 97402 Ph: 541/687.2202 Fax: 541/683.6175 Subscription Orders/Inquiries and Address Changes Send all editorial correspondence and changes of address to Holt International magazine, Holt International, P.O. Box 2880, Eugene, OR 97402. We ask for an annual donation of $20 to cover the cost of publication and mailing inside the United States and $40 outside the United States. Holt welcomes the contribution of letters and articles for publication, but assumes no responsibility for return of letters, manuscripts, or photos. Finding families for children through family preservation work. 2007 holt graduates Summer 2007 vol. 49 no. 3 Missouri Office/Kansas Office 203 Huntington Rd., Kansas City, MO 64113 Ph: 816/822.2169 Fax: 816/523.8379 122 W. 5th St., Garnett, KS 66032 [email protected] New Jersey Office 340 Scotch Rd. (2nd Floor), Trenton, NJ 08628 Ph: 609/882.4972 Fax: 609/883.2398 Oregon Office Capitol Plaza 9320 SW Barbur Blvd., Suite 220, Portland, OR 97219 Ph: 503/244.2440 Fax: 503/245.2498 Copyright ©2007 By Holt International Children’s Services, Inc. ISSN 1047-7640 ACCREDITED BY COUNCIL ON ACCREDITATION www.holtinternational.org 3 update Notable Awards Alternative Gifts Woman of the Year: The daughter of the founders of Holt International recently received the 2007 Woman of the Year Award from Pearl S. Buck International for improving the quality of life and expanding opportunities for children in Korea. Molly Holt, chair of the Board of Directors of Holt Children’s Services of Korea, has served the children in Korea for 50 years. Nearly $21,000 was raised for Holt International’s HIV/AIDS work in Shanxi, China, through the FY 2007 Alternative Gift Catalog. That brings to $293,000 the amount raised through AGI since 1998 to benefit Holt projects. AGI is a nonprofit, interfaith agency. Stephen Morrison Korean Adoption Award: Holt adoptee and adoptive parent Stephen Morrison, an aerospace engineer and the founder of the Mission to Promote Adoption in Korea (MPAK), received an award from the Korean government for his contribution in the area of the domestic adoption campaign at the National Adoption Day celebration held in May in Seoul, Korea. Nancy’s Notions Kows for Kids. This could be a first. Stuffed cows, made by loving hands, auctioned off in benefit for Holt International. The event was Nancy’s Notions Sewing Weekend Expo, held last May in Beaver Dam, Wisconsin. Nancy Zieman, host of the weekly PBS program, “Nancy‘s Notions,” chose Holt as the charity to benefit, donating almost $4,000. Holt Fundraisers Eugene Auction: Holt’s Colors of Hope dinner auction held in Eugene, Oregon, in early 4 Summer 2007 In Memory Lee Bronson: Dec. 9, 1975–April 17, 2007 Molly Holt at Grandma Bertha Holt‘s 6th Annual Memorial Service, July 2006. May brought in $112,000 to help children and families in Holt-supported programs in Vietnam. Of that, $18,000 goes to benefit a new program in Hue Province. Portland Auction: In benefit to the children of Haiti, the Portland version of Holt’s Colors of Hope dinner auction will take place Oct. 20 in Portland, Oregon. Contact: Char Woodworth, Event Chair, at (503) 638-2518 or [email protected]; or Caroline Toy, Holt Events Manager at (800) 451-0732 or [email protected] Philippines Gift Team Travel Nov. 30−Dec. 9 to bring holiday cheer to children in Holt’s program in the Philippines, where Holt has worked in partnership with the Kaisahang Buhay Foundation (KBF) since 1975. Through KBF, Holt supports a variety of services for children and at-risk families. Volunteers will provide meals and host parties for children in Manila and Cebu. For more information, contact Debbie Francis at [email protected] or call (541) 687-2202. From the Field We invite you to check out the new Holt International blog, From the Field, with recent entries from U.S. staff traveling overseas in Nepal, India, Ukraine and Romania. Online at holtinternational.org/ blog, this site will be updated regularly with stories written by staff visiting Holt programs around the world. Sgt. Lee Whittle Bronson, adopted from Korea by Bart and Becky Bronson of Roy, Utah, in 1981, was baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Lee became an Eagle Scout, played high school football and loved to fish. He joined the U.S. Army in 1995 and served six years as a Medical Equipment Specialist. Lee is survived by three children, his parents, two sisters, his former wife and many other relatives. Lee resided in Beaver Lee Bronson Dam, Wisconsin. in high school. Chloe Coleman: Jan. 11, 1993–June 5, 2007 Chloe Kathryn Coleman, of Chapel Hill, North Carolina, was adopted by Jon and Linda Coleman at age 6 months from Guatemala. A vivacious personality, she pursued her many passions with great intensity. Singer, gymnast, and a varsity player for basketball, volleyball and lacrosse teams, she was offensive MVP of her lacrosse team for the season. Last summer, she volunteered at an orphanage in Guatemala. Chloe is survived by her parents, her sister Elizabeth, her brother Peter, and many Chloe Coleman aunts, uncles, cousins and friends. ■ directions Lives in the Balance W by Gary N. Gamer, President and CEO What initially catches my attention as we drive through the gates is her striking orange sari, illuminated by sunshine breaking through the monsoon rains. As I approach her, I see a look of concern on her face. She is holding a tiny baby close to her chest. The baby’s eyes are glued shut. She couldn’t be more than a day or two old. This childcare worker at Bharatiya Samaj Seva Kendra (BSSK), Holt’s partner in Pune, India, is totally focused on the baby, on a mission to ensure this child is safe and secure and gets the necessary care to survive. What an awesome responsibility our global offices and partners like BSSK have. They take in children outside of family care whose lives often hang in the balance. In India, most end up in the loving arms of Indian families—parents who come from all across India to adopt from BSSK. They know that BSSK’s services are strongly focused on the well being of children—and that their adoption will be handled with the highest ethics. The quality and transparency of this practice is vital for the privilege of assisting children through intercountry adoption—a partnership Holt has enjoyed with BSSK for nearly 28 years. Celebrating Love and Compassion Farther south in Bangalore, I visited Vathsalya Charitable Trust (VCT), Holt International’s partner for the last 18 years. In June, VCT began another chapter in its history with the inauguration of a new center from which to serve children who need families. Holt International and its partners like VCT are actually dedicated to reversing the role of child caring facilities as a substitute for families… and transferring the care of children who are abandoned and outside of family care to families in communities. VCT has been in the forefront in India to do this through its model foster care program. The vast majority of its children are in temporary foster care. Above: Holt President and CEO Gary Gamer visits a child at BSSK, Holt’s partner agency in Pune, India. Left: Children at VCT, Holt’s partner agency in Bangalore, India, celebrate during groundbreaking ceremonies in April 2006. love a mother can give.” I can think of few things in the world that are more transforming than the work and impact that will spin out from the Vathsalya center. Children’s lives will be saved. Incredible healing will occur. Hearts that ache will be comforted. Hope will be restored. And the miracle of families will be created… both families here in India, and families from around the world who will forever be tied to the great country of India through adoption. Below: At BSSK, a childcare worker holds a baby just taken into care at their center. BSSK Executive Director Roxana Kalyanvala stands behind her. Children receiving Vathsalya’s services—and the services of BSSK and other Holt-supported childcare centers around the globe—will become scientists, ambassadors, artists, humanitarians, husbands, wives, parents, adoptive parents, grandparents, entrepreneurs, champions… the list goes on. The new center will serve as an outreach center to support foster care through well baby clinics and as a staging area for social workers to go out into the community to support foster families. The center will enable children who have disabilities and special needs to live in dignity and in an environment of support and love… and to receive therapies that give them a fighting chance. What we celebrate in the opening of Vathsalya’s center is not this structure per se, as important as it is to have a home. It is the powerful force of love and compassion that will spread out from it, to give us hope in this troubled world, indeed to change the world one precious child at a time. And it will provide a safe haven for mothers who are in crisis, to assist them in their decision-making relating to their child, and to support them getting their feet back on the ground and move ahead in their lives. Indeed, the word Vathsalya translates to “the Congratulations to VCT and heartfelt thanks to so many in the United States and India who helped make the Vathsalya center a reality. And thank you to all those in the Holt circle who are working together to make the world a better place for children. ■ www.holtinternational.org 5 story and photos by Alice Evans Managing Editor Above: Neighborhood children watch through the fence in a Roma neighborhood in Medgidia, Romania. Below: Mother and child, Medgidia. I In a grassless courtyard of hard-packed dirt, a mother stands holding her baby, her oldest girl gripping her skirt. Her weathered, tobacco-voiced mother-in-law sits nearby on the edge of a porch halffilled with dirt and rocks, its uneven landing leading up to an open doorway covered with a cloth patterned in blue diamonds and flowers. Bedecked with gold earrings, the baby is 6½ months old. Her face, already serious and wise, opens to her mother’s voice like a sunflower to the sun. Rays of light emerge, a 360-degree radiance, more beautiful than sunrise. The baby’s sister, 3, wears multiple dark pigtails and a worried expression. This worn, young mother, who already looks middleaged, reminds me of photographs from James Agee’s Depression-era classic, Let Us Now Praise Famous Men. Let me take a moment to praise this mother. Poor beyond measure, she clearly loves her daughters. Takes 6 Summer 2007 good care of them. Feeds them as best she can. They are healthy, with all their vaccinations. But they need help. The mother’s husband works odd jobs and does not make enough to cover their basic needs. They live in one room and hallway in a house that is crumbling, dilapidated and small, built of adobe bricks, unmortared behind broken stucco walls. They share the house with the husband’s parents. Gathered outside their yard, leaning against mishmash fencing topped with several strands of skewed barbwire, clusters of neighborhood children watch with bright eyes, their huge grins and spirited gestures adding a sense of Greek chorus to the main scene. Holt Romania Foundation (HRF) I am with Livia Trif, country director for the Holt Romania Foundation, one of two Holt International partner agencies in Romania. Two HRF social workers have accompanied us to this Roma, or Gypsy, neighborhood in Medgidia, Romania, not far from the Black Sea, bearing diapers, food and supplements. Both girls are enrolled in the Holt International Child Sponsorship Program. Sponsorship is not the only help HRF is offering Facing the u Fut re from Romania to Ukraine and points East, Holt is helping families in crisis keep their children, and helping abandoned children find families these girls and their family. A key part of HRF’s mission statement is “keep children with their birth families whenever this is possible and safe to avoid child neglect, abuse, unnecessary institutionalization or abandonment.” Family preservation is a key part, too, of Holt International’s role in finding families for children. Parent training classes are an important tool for achieving permanent change in the struggle to protect the rights of children, Trif tells me. Moral support for isolated mothers and fathers, the modeling of good parenting, and places to meet with other parents in order to pool resources, share experiences and build community— these are some of the factors that in the short run and the long run will best help the children of Romania. As a leading proponent of child welfare in Romania since 1992, HRF keeps going deeper into the root causes of child abandonment, relinquishment, homelessness and institutionalization. Alerted by government social workers, teachers, priests and others who work with children and families, HRF intervenes to stabilize families caught in crisis situations to keep them from neglecting, abandoning or harming their children. HRF also helps families secure official identification papers for their children to make them eligible for public support. Many children and families in Romania are without such official papers. Holt Romania positions social workers in maternity hospitals to counsel young mothers, sets up parent resource centers in strategic locations near those same hospitals or elsewhere within the communities they serve, and and offers training to encourage the strengths and capabilities of parents. An Untold Success Story Holt International helped lead the charge to improve child welfare in Romania after the fall of the Ceausescu regime in December 1989. The first order of business was deinstitutionalization, moving children out of institutions and into family-based care. Through a series of USAID grants in the 1990s, Holt developed a wide range of services in Romania, including family preservation, foster care and programs for children who tested HIV-positive. They also facilitated domestic and intercountry adoptions. By training staff to investigate the background of institutionalized children, Holt was able to help return many children to their birth families or find Romanian families to adopt them. Holt sought well-regulated adoption processes to protect children’s rights and those of birth families and adoptive parents. But in a country struggling through political and economic flux, unethical adoption practitioners found ways to profit from children. Consequently, Romania halted all international adoptions in 1999, and many agencies left the country. Holt International continued to work with Holt Romania Foundation to improve the lives of children and families in need. More than a hundred thousand children were in institutions www.holtinternational.org 7 in Romania in 1990 when Holt first started working there. Now, there are fewer than 30,000, most of whom have severe special needs. Where once the government forced pregnancies and encouraged impoverished parents to send their children to be raised in state institutions, now a 2005 law forbids the institutionalization of children under 2 years of age. Romania, which recently became a member of the European Union, continues to improve social services and protect the rights of its most vulnerable citizens. But abandonment rates are still high. Holt has had a huge impact helping children get out of orphanages, says Dan Lauer, Holt International’s senior executive for Latin America, Europe, Africa & Haiti. “Between 15,000 and 16,000 children are now in foster care in Romania, many directly or indirectly through the efforts of Holt. This is so much better for them than being in orphanages,” he says. The 2005 legislation eliminated the private sector from providing direct services such as foster care and domestic adoption. Every time HRF goes through a shift such as that, they have to retrain their staff, Lauer says. An independent Romanian NGO since 2003, Holt Romania Foundation continues to reinvent itself. Parent Resource Centers Below: Holt Romania and Holt International join together to help this family living in a village outside Iasi, Romania. The boy is newly enrolled in Holt International’s Child Sponsorship Program. His mother attends parenting classes taught by a social worker from the Holt Romania Foundation. At a meeting hall used for parenting classes in a small village outside Iasi (pronounced Yosh), Holt Romania Foundation social worker Claudia Guzu was facilitating the second of 10 training sessions with a group of mothers when we arrived. Claudia poured liquid back and forth between two plastic cups while more than a dozen women watched. Every day you have to refill your cup, Claudia told them. Taking care of your children and your husband takes energy, and you must also care for yourself in order to be a good mother. Stefan Cojocaru, the director of HRF’s Iasi office, emphasized how essential to its family preservation efforts these classes are. Holding them in outlying villages rather than at a central location in Iasi itself means that these mothers do not have far to travel to get the help they need to be better parents, and to have a friendly, reinforcing environment in which to interact and learn. The classes are usually the first time someone has taught these low-income mothers ways to reduce their stress, or reinforced a sense of self-nurture. They are the first time someone has told them that they matter, too. After the class, we visit one of the mothers, her husband and son at a nearby cottage. Among the hundreds of Holt-sponsored children now in Romania, 5-year-old “Nick” is one of the newest. He has been a sponsored child for just over a month, and receives a stipend that helps him get care his parents may not otherwise be able to provide with the intermittent wages his father makes as a day laborer. His tiny parents welcome us into their Hobbit-sized cottage—clean, neat and colorful despite no electricity or running water. There is a well in the grassless courtyard, and the husband’s mother, who lives next door in the main section of the house, has electricity. But three months ago she cut off the electricity in the cottage because of an ongoing feud. Inside the living room, an enormous photo of Nick’s father decorates one wall. Claudia tells us he used to be into himself more, but now he is drinking less and not behaving so abusively. Nick’s mother has a worried expression on her face. But today, she attended her second parenting class, and she is already taking better care of herself. Claudia hands her several bags of food and supplies for Nick. Tomorrow, the family’s electricity will be turned back on. HRF had been teaching similar parenting classes at a parent resource center in Medgidia near where I visited the mother and her two sponsored daughters with HRF social workers (described in the opening). At the moment of our visit, however, a big hole existed in HRF’s program in Medgidia. It is the same problem Holt Romania faces in all four of its working districts as they struggle to protect children by preserving families. Rising rent and a demand for office space in a country that is struggling economically— these are some of the problems HRF faces as they try to keep their parent resource centers open in poor communities and big cities. Parent Resource Center, Constanta Holt International is committed to meeting the costs of the new Parent Resource Center being built in Constanta by the Holt Romania Foundation. Based on a $50,000 donation from an anonymous Holt adoptive family, the new center still needs donations totaling $60,000 to meet costs. Groundbreaking took place in July on land donated by the mayor and council of Constanta. The building will provide space for parent training classes and act as a community meeting space for parents and children, a major means of keeping families together and warding off child abandonment. To donate or to find out more about this project, contact Holt Development Director Rose McBride at [email protected] 8 Summer 2007 Close to You Providing Hope in the Face of Tragedy Mother Teresa once said that when she looked into the faces of beggars on the streets of India, she always saw the face of Jesus. Her words came to mind when I stood in a room full of art made by Romanian youth suffering from the effects of HIV infection. I saw these teenagers in a special light, as if God were holding each one of them close to the eyes of my heart. Most of them are not young children anymore, but young men and women moving into adulthood. They are among the nearly 7,000 boys and girls infected with HIV during the latter years of the Ceausescu regime, victims of misguided blood transfusions and other bad medical practices, carried out amid a drive to increase population by forcing pregnancies (and ultimately placing children of overburdened parents into state institutions). Holt International’s other partner agency in Romania, Alaturi de Voi or the Close to You Foundation, split off from Holt Romania Foundation in 2002 to focus specifically on helping these children. CTY took over the staff and HIV programs developed since 1992 by HRF. Via national campaigns to raise awareness and win rights for people affected by HIV/AIDS, Close to You continues to fight energetically to minimize the spread of the disease and to build a future for these youth, many of whom survive through ARV therapy. A teenager in the art room at Close to You. Ongoing youth groups provide camaraderie and a forum for working through challenges. CTY also provides support and counseling for foster parents and their HIV-affected youth. Keyboarding, design, arts and crafts are some of the classes that help build confidence and provide training for future employment as children reach the age of independence. On our last full day in Romania, we visited HRF’s national offices in Constanta. Country Director Livia Trif showed us the plans for a new parent resource center, made possible by one of Holt International’s adoptive families. Trif took us to a piece of land in the middle of the city, surrounded by a daycare center, a hospital, a cathedral…a beautiful spot given to HRF by the mayor and local council for this project. Not only will Holt Romania Foundation finally have permanent offices for its national headquarters, but also a permanent facility for parent training classes for the Constanta region. HRF will be in a position to hold conferences and offer meeting spaces for other organizations, making it possible for the facility to be selfsustaining. Holt’s Work in Ukraine When “Peter” and “Nadia” arrive at the Uman Relief Nursery every Monday and Wednesday morning, the first thing staff members do is bathe the little brother and sister. Warm water. Soap. Something we take for granted but a special experience for Peter and Nadia—and which has now become routine in their lives. Something their young mother never does for them because she does not know how. And how could she? She grew up in an orphanage herself after both parents died and her uncle left her in the hands of the state. With a family history of multigenerational abuse, she never learned how to be a mother herself, and because of her neglect the local government was about to terminate her parental rights. Peter and Nadia would also be taken to an orphanage. Instead, this young sibling pair and their mother found the help they needed through the Relief Nursery, a new facility modeled after a program developed in Eugene, Oregon, and funded through Holt International’s Families for Children Program (FCP), operating under a grant from USAID. They are some of the many children whose lives are being changed for the better through Holt International’s work in Ukraine. Alyona Gerasimova, the country director for Holt’s Families for Children Program, tells me that previously Ukraine did not have any framework for prevention of abandonment of infants and young children. The only “child protective services” available for vulnerable children has been removal from the home. As in Romania, Holt International focuses its mission on finding families for children, which in many cases means working toward family preservation—giving parents the tools they need to prevent abuse, neglect and abandonment, and when possible and desirable, helping restore a child to his or her birth family. In the third year of a USAID grant that is being extended for another year, FCP leads a well-organized charge to protect the rights of children by training parents to be better parents, setting up model programs to offer respite, and supporting innovative programs that break away from the institutional mentality and punitive outlook that have long held sway in Ukraine. FCP believes in the capability of families, knows that in many cases, if you play to the strength of parents instead of taking a punitive approach, they can be helped—trained through time-tested materials to build a home where children are treasured, and cared for properly, says Gerasimova. Using materials developed in Eugene, Oregon, by the Birth to Three Foundation, FCP trains trainers, setting up model programs in different parts of Ukraine to meet the vast need for family rehabilitation. www.holtinternational.org 9 Clockwise from left: A childcare worker cuddles a baby at the Relief Nursery in Uman, Ukraine. • Livia Trif, country director for Holt Romania Foundation, unpacks the contents of a “welcome baby bag,” a tool long used by HRF as a means of welcoming new babies into the world. • Alyona Gerasimova, country director of Holt International’s Families for Children Program, provides leadership and energetic attention to children’s needs in Ukraine. • One of Ukraine’s many street children, this preadolescent girl is attending a summer camp supported in part by a grant awarded through Holt’s Families for Children Program, funded by USAID. • Twins sleep at a maternity hospital outside Iasi, Romania, while their young mother expresses milk in a bed next to their crib. An HRF social worker counsels young mothers such as this to head off child abandonment. Applying Lessons Learned Elsewhere Perhaps 10 years behind Romania in terms of child welfare efforts, Ukraine is an energetic nation in the midst of vast building and rebuilding. As in Romania, wealthy homes nestle in among crumbling cottages. The modern butts up against the ancient. In Kiev, Orthodox believers kiss the glass-encased bodies of saints in underground tunnels beneath busy avenues where fashion conscious women walk beside coarsely dressed babushkas. Not yet a grandmother, or babushka, myself, I am old enough to be one, and so therefore not too taken aback when one of Ukraine’s many street children asks if my white hair is real, and how old the babushka is. I am on the Island of Treasures, in the midst of the Dnipro River across from Kiev. I crossed the river by boat with the assistant director of Father’s House, one of the many NGOs supported by funds from Holt’s Families for Children Program, through the USAID grant. Father’s House, a faith-based charity that rehabilitates street children, runs this island camp for almost three months of summer. Ukraine has more than a hundred thousand street children, although no one really knows the exact number. Some are orphans, and many are runaways—from orphanages and government-run shelters, or from families where they were beaten, neglected or abused, or where they could not get enough to eat. In Ukraine, when a family draws the attention of 10 Summer 2007 government child welfare workers, the response is punitive, not reconstructive. Parents who neglect their children lose their children—first to temporary shelters, then to orphanages. But that is beginning to change. Just as it takes a village to raise a child, so does it take the world community to overthrow entrenched attitudes and bring rights to children and families who have no voice of their own. In many ways, Romania stands as a model for Ukraine. The work carried out over 17 years in Romania stretches forward in time and across borders to serve the children of Ukraine. On the Island of Treasures, the pre-adolescent girl who asked how old I was continues to follow me around, seek my attention. She gives me the painting she just made—yellow stars in a dark-blue sky above aquamarine waters. I do not want this tough but fragile beauty to end up back on the streets. If she can last out the week on this island camp, she will be given the option to stay the rest of the summer. If she stays out the summer, then she can go live in Father’s House, where she will have a real chance of making it, integrated into a foster family, perhaps adopted domestically, or internationally, or maybe even returned to her own family if they can be found, and if they are judged capable of caring for this girl. So, too, a pair of 5-year-old twin boys. When first brought in from the streets of Kiev, they were so wild and unparented they did not notice anyone else speaking to them. They heard only each other. Adopting from Eastern Europe But here on the island, they are beginning to interact with other people. Father’s House is one of the most effective programs in Ukraine for transitioning children from the streets to families, says Lauer. Holt International plans to add 30 children from Father’s House to our Child Sponsorship Program, as well as another 70 children countrywide from two new Relief Nurseries and the institutions. Uman Rehab Center Light shining through sheer lace curtains helped ease the institutional setting at the Uman Rehabilitation Center for Children with Disabilities. A small group of children with a variety of special needs played happily in a central meeting room. Smells wafted from the kitchen, and when we went in to take a look, a smiling cook greeted us. We watched as she rolled out dough made from wheat, eggs and cottage cheese. A bowl of seasoned beef with onions waited nearby. The kitchen, newly furbished with funds provided through Holt’s Families for Children Program with a grant from USAID, is a stellar, happy place. And it makes a huge difference for the 356 children ages 6 to 17 who are served at this center. Previously, children could come for no more than a few hours at a time. Now they can stay all day. This frees their parents to work—or simply have a respite from their duties. Twin 11-year-old boys whose mother began bringing them to the center about a year ago from a village an hour away were so thrilled to be among other children that they begged her to bring them every day. Because of cerebral palsy, they are wheelchair bound. They live in a part of Ukraine where broken pavement and cobblestones make wheelchair mobility almost impossible. At the rehab center, they receive physical therapy, educational training, and other services they cannot get in their village. Now when their mother brings them to the center, they can spend the entire day because of the food served in this new kitchen. Once isolated at home, today they are happy boys with many friends among the children at the center. Staff at the center participate in FCP’s community family care workshops. Gerasimova tells us that the worst institutions throughout the country are where relinquished children with special needs are usually sent. Children at those institutions are basically dying because of malnutrition, she says. This rehab center is very different. Families here are getting support and encouragement to keep their children with them. Helping support children with special needs, and the families of these children, is a life-saving endeavor. It is a huge step forward for Ukraine to have this center in Uman, where children with special needs get loving attention and nutritious meals. Uman Boarding School The children for the moment are excited and happy, about to leave for the seashore. Bags packed, one little dark-haired girl sits waiting at the edge of the sidewalk with her luggage. Or maybe it’s group luggage. I find it hard to imagine these children having more than one ragtag bag apiece. Called boarding schools in Ukraine, places like this are, simply put, orphanages. Warehouses for children. A kind of prison. Holt is looking for pioneer families in Ukraine and other countries. Holt is currently looking for pioneer families interested in adopting a child from our newly developed Ukrainian program. Children as young as 18 months at time of match, both boys and girls, as well as sibling groups are available for adoption. Children stay in government-run orphanages and their health and development varies. Additionally, a new pilot program is under consideration, made possible by the Ukraine Ministry of Family, Youth and Sports, to place 10 children with special needs through Holt International’s Waiting Child Program. Kazakhstan and Kyrgyzstan Holt recently set up adoption programs in other nations of the former Soviet bloc. To learn more about adopting children from Eastern Europe through Holt International, click on the appropriate box on the opening page of our website: holtinternational.org Gerasimova tells me that 70 percent of all street children are runaways from such institutions as this. The children who live here are the ones whose parents have left them for good, in one way or another. Death, abandonment, neglect…various forms of alcohol and drug abuse. Ages 6 to 17, they are caught in a situation they cannot control. The government bureaucracy, just beginning to move out of its old set-in-my-ways mentality of institutionalization as the solution for all child welfare cases, may be made up of people who mean well and want to help these children, but there’s not much breathing room. The fresh air comes from Families for Children. A new way of thinking: get the children out of the institutions. Train their parents to be better parents. Give them the support they need through relief nurseries, rehabilitation centers, HIV/AIDS support and all the multiple means available for preserving family life—as in the work Holt International has carried out for so many years in Romania. When family preservation doesn’t work, then Holt seeks other ways of helping children, such as placing them with a trained foster family, or finding them a permanent home through adoption. Facing Future Let me take a moment to praise the children, parents, Holt staff and the many government and private childcare workers I met in Romania and Ukraine. Caught in the wheels of history, they continue to face the future with hope, love, energy and a willingness to change, by moving forward to protect the rights of children, and to offer them better lives amid loving, attentive adults. ■ www.holtinternational.org 11 Globe Ethiopia Holt is registering in the African nation of Ethiopia and when approved will need pioneer adoptive families. Ethiopia has about 4.9 million orphans, with nearly a million in the southern state where Holt plans to serve. Holt will work in and around Shinshicho town, about 160 miles south of Addis Ababa. Holt will provide maternal and child healthcare and other medical services in Ethiopia in addition to our intercountry adoption and family preservation work. Holt welcomes Dr. Fikru Heramo, MD, as Holt’s Ethiopian Country Representative. Dr. Heramo has an extensive background in community foster care, daycare, and homebased healthcare, particularly for people living with HIV/AIDS. Guatemala The Congress of Guatemala recently passed legislation that confirms Guatemala’s membership in The Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoption. This action puts Guatemala on a track to set standards of protection for children in the adoption process. Thailand Holt needs Sponsors for 100 new children recently added to the Child Sponsorship Program from the southern region of Thailand. June, he met with Nepali government and child welfare associates to to help move the adoption process forward. Over 400 children who have already been matched with foreign families are stuck in the system Children in Ethiopia will soon be served by Holt International. as the Nepali government deliberates he said. “I am very excited about Holt on a new set of adoption regulations. International building on this potential for Said Gamer: “Only experienced child wel- the benefit of many Nepali children who fare entities should be licensed to work in are in need of families.” Nepal. The adoption system must be ethical and transparent, especially in ensuring Children abandoned in the childcare cenno improper financial payments. And for- ters of Nepal have lost parents and are not eign agencies working in Nepal must invest getting any younger, Gamer said. “They in training and building the child welfare just want to be held, protected, cared for infrastructure in Nepal, including services and loved.” for homeless and vulnerable children who cannot be adopted.” Gamer said he talked with many Nepali people who are striving to meet the needs of these suffering children. ”There is ample good will and examples of good practices,” India Vathsalya Charitable Trust dedicated its new building at opening ceremonies in Bangalore June 23. Along with several Holt staff and board members, Holt International President and CEO Gary Gamer was on hand to celebrate the opening of the new office and childcare center for this Holt partner agency. “The tenuous nature of not having a permanent center for VCT to work out of has come to an end with the support of some 140 donors n the United States,” Gamer said. “These supporters join many people in Bangalore and across India that have made the new center possible.” Nepal Holt International has begun helping children in this Himalayan kingdom. Our new country director in Nepal, Namita Lamsal, recently visited Holt headquarters in Eugene for training. When Holt President and CEO Gary Gamer visited the end of 12 Summer 2007 The building will serve many functions: Director Mary Paul and other members of the staff celebrate the dedication of Vathsalya Charitable Trust‘s new office and childcare center in Bangalore, India. • an outreach center to support foster care through well baby clinics and as a staging area for social workers to go out into the community to support foster families crisis, to assist them in their decision-making relating to their child, and to support them getting their feet back on the ground and to move ahead in their lives. Kazakhstan Children at an orphanage in Almaty recently received a shipment of sweaters made possible through Holt support. Ukraine • a sanctuary for children who are abandoned and whose lives hang in the balance • a place for children who have disabilities and special needs to live in dignity and in an environment of support and love... and receive therapies to give them a fighting chance • a safe haven for mothers who are in Still Together as a Family Volunteers Visit Holt’s Family Preservation and Reunification Project in SE Asia Holt International’s first priority in finding families for children is to reunite them and keep them within their birth family. Family preservation efforts are an integral part of all Holt’s overseas efforts. Poverty is one of the major causes of child abandonment and relinquishment throughout developing countries. “What we think is the simplest thing can change the life of an entire family,” said In late June, Holt International delivered the first completed dossier to overseas staff for submission to the appropriate government ministry. With their application now in the queue, this pioneer family should be the first Holt family to bring home an eligible child from Ukraine. Children available for adoption include boys and girls as young as 18 months at time of match, and also sibling groups. Holt Board member Kim Hanson after visiting Holt-supported childcare centers in Vietnam and Cambodia last April. She and several Holt donors and Board members helped local contractors build a new addition to the childcare center in Da Nang, Vietnam, while learning more about Holt’s overseas work. Amy Weinkauf kept an online blog during the trip: “Our second stop was to visit a family in the Holt Family Preservation and Reunification Project. This father is a soldier who lost his leg from a land mine. He and his wife have six children. The oldest is working with him. Holt helped out with some of the tools needed At an orphanage in Uman, Ukraine, a girl waits to leave on a group excursion to the Black Sea. for him to do blacksmithing work and also for a tire pump to fix tires. These things will help him generate an income of about $4 a week. He is so proud of his ability to support his family. The mom was very happy that they were still together as a family.” If you want to help preserve a family in SE Asia, see our latest Gifts of Hope catalog online at www.holtinternational. org. A $100 donation, or any part of that, can go toward the purchase of a cow, pig or chickens to provide a struggling family with protein and income. Left: Father works with blacksmithing tools provided by Holt. • Above: The youngest boy of a Cambodian family in the Holt Family Preservation and Reunification Program in Cambodia. • Right: The mother and their four youngest children. www.holtinternational.org 13 waiting child Hai Waiting Children Special needs, special blessings Tae-yun Waiting Children Special needs, special blessings These children and many others you can view on Holt’s website need adoptive families. They may have various challenges such as medical conditions, or they may simply be older or in sibling groups, but they have so much to offer the family who makes them their own son or daughter. Ashwarth Interested in a Waiting Child? Contact Holt’s Waiting Child Program at 541-687-2202. View a photolisting of other waiting children or apply online: holtinternational.org/waitingchild Ashwarth Siddharth Kent Ashwarth gets along well with children his age, is in good health, and his development is appropriate for his age. He may have suffered some physical abuse in his birth family. He loves playing games, his schoolwork is good, and he is happy to complete assigned tasks. Happy, active Siddharth needs corrective lenses for a visual impairment. An EEG revealed status epilepticus secondary to encephalitis, and he is now on anti-epileptic medication. He may also have a heart condition. Siddharth has a $5,000 grant available from Brittany’s Hope.* Kent loves to dance, play on the slide, and please others. He is missing his right radius and thumb and has dysfunction of the right hand. He also has polydactyly of the left thumb and syndactyly of the left index and middle finger. Hai Chris Hai was born prematurely without hands or feet and has abnormal genitals. Despite challenges, he has made great strides in motor development. He moves around easily in his walker and has great control over where he intends to go. Chris enjoys dancing and listening to music, loves to smile and is active and playful. A charming boy, he has short stature and shortening of the limbs. His X-rays showed delayed bone age and some mild flaring of the metaphyses of his long bones. Born in India, May 12, 2001 Born in Vietnam, May 14, 2004 Tae-yun Born in India, July 18, 2005 Born in the Philippines, July 12, 2005 Born in China, August 15, 2003 Barry Born in China, October 29, 2005 A happy, calm child, Barry can roll from front to back and sit alone steadily. He loves to be held by his caregivers and giggles when they play with him. He also loves listening to music and can say “Baba.” Completely blind, he has a $5,000 grant available from Brittany’s Hope.* Siddhi Born in Korea, April 23, 2006 Anh Tae-yun has hypotonic muscle tone and global developmental delays but is alert, can pull himself to a standing position, smile spontaneously and say “Dada” and “Mama.” A small atrial septal defect (ASD) appears resolved. He has a slightly high palate and a protruded tongue. Born in Vietnam, September 13, 2002 Anh often helps his foster mother put away laundry. He enjoys motorbike rides and playing outdoor games with his friends. His pronunciation is not always clear, and he is on medication for epilepsy and kidney problems. Siddhi can stand and walk with support and say vowel/consonant combinations like “dada.” She has mucopolysaccharidosis. An abdominal ultrasound in May showed a slight enlargement of her spleen. She has a $5,000 grant available from Brittany’s Hope.* Sanders J.J. Kapil Sanders enjoys playing peekaboo with his caregivers. Assessed with cerebral palsy spastic quadriplegic type and microcephaly, Sanders attends physical therapy twice a week and shows improved eye contact and muscle tone. Burned over 28 percent of his body in a house fire, J.J. is active, cheerful and inquisitive. He expresses himself in a mature way. J.J. had foot surgery in October 2006. Kapil is learning English and is described as on target for his age. He tested positive for hepatitis B several times. In June 2006 he had a normal liver and kidney ultrasound. He has a $5,000 grant available from Brittany’s Hope.* Born in the Philippines, January 3, 2006 14 Summer 2007 Born in the Philippines, December 17, 1998 Born in India, September 22, 2005 Born in India, April 11, 2002 Holt’s descriptions of waiting children are based on information available to Holt from caregivers and medical personnel in the child’s country of origin. Holt cannot guarantee the accuracy of these descriptions or that the medical and psychological diagnoses published here are correct and complete. Barry Sanders Kapil Anh Siddharth J.J. Siddhi Benjamin, 10; Marissa, 7; and Luis, 5 These siblings speak both English and Spanish and are warm and affectionate despite the hardships they have endured. Ben is caring and protective, adores most sports, and has come a long way academically. Marissa is bright, with great potential to achieve if given the proper emotional support. Luis keeps busy running, jumping and investigating. They need an active, bilingual family with room in their hearts and home for all three of them. Chris Oregon Waiting Child Kent Agencies reduce fees for the adoption of a child in state care, and financial assistance may be available. To learn more, call the Special Needs Adoption Coalition at The Boys and Girls Aid Society at (877) 932-2734 x 2392, or DHS at (800) 331-0503. Also visit www.boysandgirlsaid. org and www.nwae.org for information and photos of waiting children. *Brittany’s Hope grants are available for nine months from their granting date, which varies by child. Find out more at www.brittanyshope.org www.holtinternational.org 15 from the family We Will Always Be in Your Debt An expression of gratitude to the Sponsors who helped make foster parents possible for a little girl in China. by Eileen Beck Poulsbo, Wash. Top left: Maya at the orphanage. • Maya on a tricycle at her foster family‘s home. • Maya with her family in Washington— Front row from left: Madeleine, 10; Abby, 5; Maya 13 months; Adam, 12, and parents Eileen and Lyle in the back. O On July 27, 2006 I stood in a sweltering reception room in an orphanage in southern China. I had in my hand a little green box containing a gold necklace with a heart-shaped charm. Most of the people from our adoption group had already left the room to go to lunch, and our translator was poised with her pen over a tiny piece of paper, waiting for me to tell her what to write. She was most likely a preemie, weighing just a little over 4½ pounds. She was found in the morning and according to her file, was not taken to a doctor’s office or hospital as one would expect, but to the police station. By noon she was checked into the orphanage, one of 13 abandoned babies to be brought in during the month of September. Twenty-two arrived the month before. We had met our daughter only three days earlier, a healthy, charming and utterly perfect little 11-monthold. We hadn’t known until the day before we met her that for the past two months she had lived with a foster family. The province forbade any contact between adoptive families and foster families and so my little gift and note were the only thanks I’d be able to give. How could I possibly express my gratitude to this nameless, faceless family who took our daughter out of the orphanage and showed her love and care that she’d never have gotten in an institution? The orphanage director called her Qiu Ju, meaning Autumn Chrysanthemum. We named her Maya. She proved to be a survivor with a strong will and voracious appetite. The orphanage workers laughed and rolled their eyes as they told us they couldn’t feed her fast enough. She always wanted more. The nannies were kind and the room Maya lived in was clean. The exterior of the orphanage had the look of a castle and was painted a cheery peach color. Still, it was a poor substitute for a home. In her paperwork it said that at five months Autumn was, “a very obedient baby, who doesn’t cry to affect adults’ work.” Perhaps she had learned that crying was a waste of energy and that her cries rarely got a response. The piece of paper allotted me for my thank you note was about the size of a credit card. The translator and I were the only ones left now, and I felt hurried. I said the only words I could think of, and our translator quickly wrote the Mandarin characters and stuck the paper in the box with the necklace. I had been able to fit only three short sentences on the tiny piece of paper: “Thank you so much. We will always be in your debt. We love her.” The note and my gift felt so completely inadequate. Our daughter had been found on September 3, 2005, at the front gate of the Guiping city orphanage in the tropical southern province of Guangxi. 16 Summer 2007 We have pictures of our daughter from the orphanage, about one for every month she spent there. They show her lying in a crib, propped in a walker, or sitting on the tile floor. In all the pictures her eyes were intelligent but sadly vacant, and in not one picture was she smiling. Foster Family And then, at about 8 months of age, Maya’s life changed dramatically. She was carried out through the front gate of the orphanage, most likely for the first time since she’d been left there, and went to live with her foster mother, father and brother. The foster family took 25 pictures of our daughter in their home and the difference in her demeanor and in her new environment was remarkable. The backdrop of white walls and bare tile floor was replaced with a garden and toy-strewn family room. In one photo she was sitting on the back of a tricycle, excitedly waiting for a ride. She was smiling and had a newfound light in her eyes. When we met little Maya we were amazed at her health and development. She pulled up to standing and cruised around the furniture in our hotel room. She smiled and babbled and ate everything on her plate as well as ours. These maybe aren’t remarkable things for an 11-month-old to be doing, but their normality makes them remarkable for an abandoned infant. We had planned for issues and delays that just weren’t there, for which we are thankful. Adoption Medical Specialist When we returned home to the Seattle area, we took our daughter to a pediatrician who specializes in treating internationally adopted kids. She said that according to research, even one day out of an orphanage positively impacts a child. She felt sure that the two months that our daughter spent with a family did wonders for her. Under the heading labeled Development, the doctor wrote in all capitals, with an exclamation point, “NORMAL!” Our daughter has been home 6 months now and is a vivacious, active, and curious toddler who loves basketball, climbs fearlessly all over our 100-pound Bernese Mountain dog, wears Tupperware on her head, chases her older brother and sisters, and recently discovered the wonder of pockets. She is a blessing in every way and has won our hearts completely. Sponsorship Just recently I got an e-mail from a mom who was heading to Guiping later in the month to adopt her daughter. She mentioned that Holt sponsored some of the girls from Guiping, her daughter included. She wondered if maybe our daughter’s foster care had also been sponsored by Holt. I contacted Holt and found that yes, their sponsors had funded our daughter’s foster care. It was a thought that had never once occurred to me—that because people in the United States wrote a check, our daughter got the incredible gift of leaving the orphanage and entering a home for the first time. So, now I’m stuck with another difficult thank you, and this time I don’t even have a heart necklace to go with it. To the Sponsors, all I can say is, “Thank you so much. We will always be in your debt. We love her.” ■ Orphaned, abandoned and vulnerable children around the world need food, shelter, clothing and medical treatment... essentials your sponsorship of $30 per month will help provide. Choose a child to sponsor from Holt’s website: holtinternational.org/sponsorship or call 888.355.HOLT Left: Mother and daughter—Eileen says a foster family made a world of difference, because Maya came to her family with motor skills and social skills that the babies who lived solely in the orphanage just did not have. Eileen notes that she and Maya had met less than an hour before this photo was taken, a “testament to how ready this girl was for a forever family.” from the family Unexpected Directions A new mom loves the learning curve—and discovers that her daughter makes a great teacher. I by Kay Shaver Eugene, Oregon I’m a type A personality. I plan. I research. I make lists. For me, things go better that way because I always know what to expect. At least that’s the way it used to be… This page: Emily visits the ocean beach. • Right: Kay Shaver cuddles with Emily. • Below: Emily, 1, visits with the family dog, a whippet. • Opposite page: Emily rides piggyback atop her father, Mike Shaver. My husband and I decided our daughter was in China and set out to find her. Our road to meeting her was long and sometimes difficult. The time to match doubled during our wait, and I thought my extensive reading and incessant questions to other adoptive parents during this time would undoubtedly prepare me for being a mother. Not so. I’m a new mom, and one without much experience with little kids. So despite my pre-China efforts to create foolproof and easily executable plans and outlines for every scenario, much of my experience is not what I expected. It’s a good thing I have a sense of humor! Once we arrived in China we toured Beijing, and then flew to Nanchang to meet our daughter, Lin Yi Cha (aka Emily). We arrived at the Gloria Plaza Hotel and had two hours to be ready and waiting outside the hotel conference room. Time seemed not to pass at all. But lucky for us I had a plan handy. Meeting Emily and beginning to get to know her was extraordinary. The stacking cups were indispensable from the first day and elicited her first smile. 18 Summer 2007 Reserved and observant, she was sweeter than we had ever imagined. We were struck by the strange feeling of being instant parents, and as we watched her one of the repeating thoughts in our minds was “How could we possibly be so lucky!” Much of the rest of our trip went according to the preplanned itinerary and detailed outlines I had in my mind and on paper. But there were many wonderful things that I didn’t plan on. I didn’t expect how close we would feel to many families in our travel group. I didn’t expect we would increase our esteem and adoration for the culture and people of China to such a great degree. In many ways we were sad to leave, and we still miss much about our experience. Most importantly, I didn’t expect we would truly start falling in love within seconds of seeing those two beautiful, thoughtful and penetrating black eyes. The Attachment Dance Resources for Parents Attachment is a reciprocal relationship that forms between parent and child. Relationships are full of surprises and are sometimes unpredictable. There is no magical instant when a parent and child become fully or completely attached to one another—it is, rather, a dynamic, continuous process that develops between parent and child. Parent and child follow each other’s lead—sometimes the partners dip and turn, bump into each other, twirl, fall. Sometimes the roles of leader and follower seem reversed. As the dance progresses, however, the dance partners get used to each other, and the relationship becomes more smooth and relaxed. The following are some selected resources with helpful tips on positive ways to build attachment: Toddler Adoption: The Weaver’s Craft Mary Hopkins-Best Attaching in Adoption Deborah Gray Real Parents, Real Children Holly van Gulden and Lisa Bartels-Rabb ABC’s of Attachment: A Handbook for New Parents Laura Gjestson ([email protected]) —by Beth Smith, MS, Director of Services, China Program After coming home, I didn’t expect to require a minimum of two to four weeks to feel relatively normal again (um, that would be the new “normal,” not the old sleep-until-you’re-rested normal). I didn’t expect to take such objection to strangers’ intrusive comments and questions about my daughter. It is taking practice to formulate responses that calmly respect my daughter and reinforce that she belongs with me. I also didn’t expect the extent of how helpful, kind, and supportive our close friends and neighbors would be in those first weeks, or for how it has continued to grow. I didn’t expect happily emphatic variations of the word dog (“dog!” “doggie!” “the dog!” “good dog!” and so on) to come long before mommy or daddy. I guess she likes the dog. And I didn’t expect her to be the better teacher of the two of us. Before we left for China, I thought I would be the one navigating our journey, but I am now more than happy to let her lead the way. Mostly, I realized, falling in love takes time. I expected to follow my well-researched, fast-track plan for how my child’s and my attachment to each other should go. The truth is I started falling in love with her long before she started falling in love with me. I didn’t expect to have to work at it very hard, or at least for very long. Yet I also understand her hesitation to trust, and that it is my job to validate her and show her that I will always be there for her. She has lived without me longer than with me, and so I am patient. We have come so far in our short time together, and I am now confident that we will build the connection and the relationship we both want and need. As a new mom I am definitely unpolished, unseasoned, unskilled. But I also have this intense adoration for the little wonder of a child who is now mine. I am still learning about who this little person is, her disposition, her charm, her preferences, and what makes her laugh and smile. I am completely enamored with my daughter. I love her with intensity beyond what I can put into words. I ache for her, even when she is near me. I have the joy of connecting to this person who radiates sweetness, has a great sense of humor and is deeply feeling. Every day brings something new and unexpected. Today I spend much less time living in lists and much more time living in maybes, possiblys, and okays. Every day she takes me in unexpected directions. Every day she teaches me things I didn’t expect to learn about myself. What I do expect now is that every day she will amaze me, inspire me and take my breath away. Like all parents, I think my child is the sweetest, smartest, and most beautiful child in the world. But then again, to me, she is. ■ www.holtinternational.org 19 CONGRATULATIONS! Holt’s 2007 Graduates Almos, Riley Baglin, Leigh Banta, Amy Banta, Michael Bardele, Kyle Bercellie, Aaron Blanton, Lindsay Boyle, Jenne Brunner, Jayme Caldwell (Parsons), Amy Clayton, Emily Cook, David Craig, Elise Denlinger, Kira ing band. Plans to study international business at Northeastern University in Boston, MA. (Korea) Dispoto, Alyssa Edwards, Megan Almos, Riley—Brookings, SD; Soccer intramurals, 1st Team All-State Soccer, Monogram Club, Honor Roll, Academic All-State Selection. Plans to major in computer science at South Dakota State University in Brookings, SD. (Korea) Baglin, Leigh—Green Brook, NJ; B.A. in psychology from Rutgers University in New Brunswick, NJ. Plans to volunteer as a counselor for Holt Adoptee Camp. Aspires to earn her Psy.D and open her own practice in child psychology. (USA) Banta, Amy—Colleyville, TX; Plans to train as an event coordinator at a college in Dallas, TX. (Hong Kong) and jazz bands, Louis Armstrong Award, John Phillips Sousa Award. Plans to major in music performance Blanton, Lindsay—Flemington, NJ; Student Coun- and music education at Central Michigan University cil Executive Board member, chair of Historian Af- in Mt. Pleasant, MI. (Korea) fairs, choir, NHS, peer mediator. Plans to major in Craig, Elise—Cedar Rapids, IA; Cross country, track art education at Kutztown University in Kutztown, & field, diving, show choir, concert choir. Plans to study culinary arts at Kirkwood Community College PA. (Korea) Boyle, Jenne—Brick, NJ; B.A. in special education in Cedar Rapids, IA. (Korea) from East Stroudsburg University in East Strouds- Denlinger, Kira—Asbury, NJ; Soccer, Coaches’ burg, PA. Plans to work as a special education teach- Award 2006; Multicultural Leadership Award; Direcer. (Korea) tor’s Award. Plans to major in secondary education at Manchester College in Indiana. (India) Brunner, Jayme—Belle Fourche, SD; NHS, Girls State National Delegate, cheerleading captain, Miss Teen Dispoto, Alyssa—Hopatcong, NJ; MVP varsity comSouth Dakota and Miss South Dakota National Teen- petition cheerleading, NHS, Student Council viceager 1st runner-up. Plans to major in international president, Year Book Committee, Gifted & Talented, social work and peace studies at South Dakota State Friendly Faces, Kids 4 Kids, Bring It, Rebel. Plans to University in Brookings, SD. (Korea) major in education at Penn State. (Philippines) Caldwell (Parsons), Amy—Mt. Vernon, KY; Home- Edwards, Megan—Williamstown, NJ; Williamstown schooled, Christian Liberty Academy School System; High School Honor Roll every year. Plans to work. 1st Place Women’s Art Club Award; 1st Place Rich- (Vietnam) mond Art Expo Award; 1st Place Eastern Kentucky Froese, Tanner—Athena, OR; 4.0 GPA (homeUniversity Art Award. Was recently married. (Korea) schooled), varsity basketball at local high school, Clayton, Emily—Columbus, OH; NHS, Magna Cum football All-Stars Award, community church youth Banta, Michael—Colleyville, TX; Plans to attend col- Laude, Senior Class president, Student of the Year, leader, Merit Scholar. Plans to major in journalism at lege in Texas. (Thailand) Outstanding Senior, Student Council, Student Advi- Corban College in Salem, OR. (Korea) Bardele, Kyle—Germantown, WI; Varsity wrestler. sory Council, Big Brothers/Big Sisters. Plans to major Froese, Tiffanie—Athena, OR; Youth ministry Plans to major in criminal justice at Lakeland College in Sheboygan, WI. (Philippines) in biology/pre med at Ohio Dominican University in Columbus, OH. (India) Bercellie, Aaron—Highlands Ranch, CO; Interna- Cook, David—Troy, MI; Phi Beta Kappa, President’s tional Baccalaureate Program, FBLA, NHS, march- Award for Educational Excellence, NHS, symphony 20 Summer 2007 four years, chapel worship leader, yearbook, choir. B.A. in education counseling from Puget Sound Christian College in Everett, WA. Plans to work as a teacher and counselor for children. (Korea) Froese, Tanner Froese, Tiffanie Fucile, Andy Groboski, Olga Hall, Sylvia Hansen, Ethan Hansen, Zachary Hearst, Reshma Hodge, Brandon Hom, Alexandra Howard, Kevin Hyatt, Megan Outlet Store. Plans to major in architecture at the University of Oregon in Eugene. (Korea) Kaiser, Jonathan—Palmer, IA; MCYL, Honor Roll, band, choir, dinner theater, spring play, football, wrestling, track, soccer 1st Team All-Conference, wrestling, Homecoming King. Plans to major in computer science at Iowa State University in Ames, IA. (Korea) Ignacio, Rachelle Ingalls, Joshua Kluck, Megan—Cedar Falls, IA; Carver Academy Hearst, Reshma—Sioux Falls, SD; Marching, con- Scholarship; studied abroad at Yonsei University. Kaiser, Jonathan Kluck, Megan B.S. in psychology with a minor in sociology from cert, jazz and pep bands; numerous music awards; Iowa State University in Ames, IA. Plans to attend two-time employee of the month. Plans to major in computer science at South Dakota State University. graduate school. (Korea) Kosman, Meghann—Creston, IA; Marching band (India) Hodge, Brandon—Williamsburg, KY; FBLA, Who’s squad leader, SW Iowa Honor Band, clarinet solo state 1 rating, All-State band, SW Iowa Poetry Who. Plans to major in medical imaging at a college Awards, Honor Roll. Plans to major in elementary in Kentucky. (Korea) education at Northwest Missouri State University in Hom, Alexandra—Clayton, CA; Student Coun- Maryville, MO. (Korea) Kosman, Meghann Kutik, Seth cil, California Scholarship Federation, NHS, track & Kutik, Seth—Long Beach, CA; Dean’s List, DistincFucile, Andy—Spokane, WA; Varsity soccer, Ad- field. Plans to major in biological sciences at the tion in Philosophy. B.A. in philosophy and chemistry Dominican University of California in San Rafael, CA. vanced Leadership Team, Scream Team co-chair, from Whittier College in Whittier, CA. Plans to at(Korea) Campus Clean-Up Campaign coordinator. Plans tend medical school. (Korea) to major in business at Weber State University in Howard, Kevin—Rawlins, WY; President’s Honor Roll, Lamp, Kali—Brookings, SD; Presidential Scholar, FCNational Scholars Honors Society, Phi Theta Kappa, Ogden, UT. (Korea) CLA, German Club, wrestling manager, band. Plans Kiwanis Award of Merit. Bachelor’s in mathematGroboski, Olga (2006 graduate)—Fruitland, MD; to major in elementary education at Dakota State ics and secondary education from the University of MSW in social sciences from Salisbury University in University in Madison, SD. (Korea) Wyoming. Plans to teach math and coach. (Korea) Salisbury, MD. (Korea) Lawrence, Catherine—Wixom, MI; MBA from the Hall, Sylvia—Bellevue, NE; Valedictorian, ROTC Wing Hyatt, Megan—Mauldin, SC; NHS, Girl Scouts, ten- University of Phoenix in Livonia, MI. (Korea) nis, Youth in Government, powder puff football, Commander, Drill Team, JV Soccer captain, marching dance, piano, graduated with High Honors. Plans Lawrence, Elizabeth—St. Clair Shores, MI; Assoband, NHS, Omaha World Herald Outstanding Stuto major in interior design at Winthrop University in ciate of Applied Science in culinary arts from the dent. Plans to study at the University of Nebraska in Macomb Community College Culinary Institute in Rock Hill, SC. (China) Lincoln, NE. (Korea) Ignacio, Rachelle —Fremont, CA; Varsity badminton, Clinton Township, MI. (Korea) Hansen, Ethan—Urbandale, IA; Youth group leader, JV tennis. Plans to major in civil engineering at UC Lizer, Reka—Reinbeck, IA; Band, SADD, teacher cavolunteer. Plans to major in culinary arts at DMACC det, 4-H, County Council 4-H, large group speech. Irvine in Irvine, CA. (Philippines) in Ankeny, IA. (India) Working toward completing a Web-based curricuHansen, Zachary—Urbandale, IA; Best Buddies. Ingalls, Joshua—Wilsonville, OR; Dean’s Scholar- lum for para-educator certification. Plans to work ship, varsity soccer, freshman basketball, volleyball, Plans to work and to establish independent living. Springfest Court, church child sitter, works at Nike as a para-educator in an area school. (India) (India—SOFOSH) www.holtinternational.org 21 graduates Lamp, Kali Lawrence, Catherine Lawrence, Elizabeth Lizer, Reka Long, Bethany Louie, Lianna Lyall, Brendan Martino, Kelli Matthews, Christopher Mattix, Jena McMahon, Ryan McPeak, Keenan Neel, Alyson Newland, Molly Osler, Brenda Parsley, Caitlin Patterson, Jeanna Perwas, Lauren Long, Bethany—Salyersville, KY; HOBY Leadership Conference, Kentucky Governor’s Scholar, tennis, cross country, Kentucky State Fair Grand Champion, 3rd place National Horticulture competition, Who’s Who. Plans to major in architecture at the University of Kentucky in Lexington, KY. (Korea) Lorens, Gavin (no photo available)—Fairbanks, AK; Mattix, Jena—Shawnee, KS; Zeta Tau Alpha presi- Parsley, Caitlin—Madison, SD; Regents Scholar, Cum dent, Society of History Scholars, Rho Lambda. B.A. in history and international studies from the University of Evansville in Evansville, IN. Plans a year in AmeriCorps before attending graduate school. (Korea) Patterson, Jeanna—Madison, WI; Cross-country 4 years, track. Plans to major in communications McMahon, Ryan—Des Moines, IA; Football, All- at the University of Wisconsin in Milwaukee, WI. State kicker. Plans to major in communications at (Korea) Northern Iowa Area Community College in Mason Perwas, Lauren—Mahwah, NJ; National Merit ComCity, IA. (USA) mended Student, Distinguished Scholar, NHS, Nation- Principal’s Award 2007 Outstanding Senior, Senior History Award, graduation speaker, varsity football and wrestling, student government. Plans to major in political science/pre-law at Oregon State Univer- McPeak, Keenan—Corbin City, NJ; Soccer, basesity in Corvallis, OR. (Korea) ball, Upper Township Recreation Soccer Team DiviLouie, Lianna—Berkeley, CA; Community Philan- sion Champions. Plans to major in education at Atlanthropy Board. Plans to attend Stanford University in tic Cape Community College in Mays Landing, NJ. Stanford, CA. (Vietnam) (Thailand) Lyall, Brendan—Menlo Park, CA; Alpha Kappa Psi Neel, Alyson—Evansville, IN; NHS, Student Athletic Business Fraternity, Hogan Entrepreneurial Leadership New Venture Lab. BBA in marketing and finance from Gonzaga University in Spokane, WA. Plans a career in marketing. (Korea) Martino, Kelli—Eldora, NJ; NHS, Math Team, Science Laude, exchange student to Germany. Plans to major in political science at the University of Nebraska in Lincoln, NB. (Korea) Council, senior mentor, Pep Club president, BPA & DECA treasurer, golf team, dance team, Kiwanis Mental Attitude Award. Plans to major in marketing at the University of Southern Indiana in Evansville, IN. (India) al Latin Honor Society, Color Guard captain, church youth group. Plans to major in chemistry at the University of Pittsburgh in Pittsburgh, PA.(Korea) Petrey, Cody—Corbin, KY; 1st Priority, Most School Spirit. Plans to study at Eastern Kentucky University in Corbin, KY. (Korea) Phillips, Megan—Lebanon, OR; Honor Society, cheerleading, Dance Team most valuable dancer, Service and Leadership Award, National Youth Leadership Forum in Medicine. Plans to major in prepharmacy at Oregon State University in Corvallis, OR. (Korea) League, Key Club, Bible Club, varsity softball, varsity Newland, Molly—Louisville, KY; Graduated from swimming—plans to major in mechanical engineer- Butler Traditional High School. Plans to major in Porter, Lillian—Danville, KY; Soccer captain and hospitality studies and culinary arts at Sullivan Uni- 4-year starter with two final-8 finishes in state, ing at Rowan University in Glassboro, NJ. (Korea) versity in Louisville, KY. (Korea) Matthews, Christopher—Lees Summit, MO; Honor two People-to-People trips to Europe, Presbyterian Roll, newspaper staff, ice hockey letter 3 years, foot- Osler, Brenda—Rochester, MN; Soccer, track, NHS, Youth Group, Pep Club president. Plans to major in ball letter 2 years. Plans to major in business and Spanish Club, MIRA. Plans to study nursing or psy- education at Muskingum College in New Concord, sports management at the University of Missouri in chology at St. Cloud State University in St. Cloud, OH. (Korea) MN. (Guatemala) Columbia, MO. (Korea) 24 Winter 22 Summer2007 2007 A Big, Crazy Family Like Mine One Graduate’s Story Petrey, Cody Porter, Lillian Found abandoned on the street in Hong Kong and taken to a hospital, then later to an orphanage, I contracted polio when I was a baby and have been disabled for as long as I can remember. I was placed at Mother’s Choice, an orphanage for 4-year-olds and younger, where I was discovered and my photo published in Holt International’s magazine. Phillips, Megan Press-Dawson, David Back in Texas, my mom and dad saw my photo in the magazine and decided to adopt me. I was 4 years old and my parents’ second international adoptee when I was brought home 13 years ago. I’m paralyzed from the waist down, except for a tiny bit of movement in my right foot. My mom was determined to make me as independent as possible. After a few years of stubbornness on both our parts (me, being the tantrum-prone child and my mom dead set on not doing everything for me as I got older), I became almost as independent as any other child. My mom gave me invaluable skills to make my way through life. Prior, Leigh Rasmussen, Susannah Press-Dawson, David—Gold River, CA; President’s Academic Award, Outstanding English Student Award, professional DJ, volunteer instructor after school program. Plans to major in psychology at California State University in Sacramento, CA. (Korea) Prior, Leigh—Germantown, MD; Church mission trips, school mentor, school tour guide, softball, track, Billiards Club, yearbook staff, pianist. Plans to attend Montgomery College in Rockville, MD. (Korea) Rasmussen, Susannah—West Linn, OR; Varsity cheerleader, Silver Key in scholastic art, National Art Honor Society, writing awards. Plans to major in graphic design at Utah State University in Logan, UT. (Korea) Riley, Christopher—Missouri Valley, IA; International Thespian Society president, BSA Eagle Scout, 3rd degree black belt tae kwon do, school newspaper and magazine editor-in-chief, Presidential Silver Service Award. Plans to major in performing arts and journalism at the University of Iowa. (Korea) Robertson, Mark—Cheyenne, WY; Hathaway Scholarship, four years percussion, AP art. Plans to major in graphic arts at the University of Wyoming in Laramie, WY. (Korea) Rollema, Melinda—Pomona, CA; 3.9 GPA with Virginia teaching license. M.Ed. in secondary English education at Liberty University in Virginia. Plans to teach at Faith Baptist School in Canoga Park, CA. (Korea) I could move easily along the floor, although I became a safety hazard if people did not watch where they were stepping. I learned how to go up the stairs on my own after falling down the stairs a few times. I learned how to get up on a stool to brush my teeth, how to get into my bed and even how to put on clean sheets. I learned how to swim. At school, I progressed along with my peers, achieved a good grade point average and sang in choir. I use a manual wheelchair, but I recently got an electric one to use on a college campus. Before they adopted me, my parents adopted my brother from Brazil. Over time, they also adopted two kids from Thailand. One has a hearing impairment and the other has spina bifida. They also had three birth children. With a big, crazy family like mine, it’s hard to remember that some of us come from different countries—and I usually don’t until someone asks why my brother and I look nothing alike. My parents made a giant leap and sacrifice adopting four kids with unknown pasts and giving them a family. Because of them, I have a great future ahead of me. —by Amy Banta, Colleyville, Texas The Banta family—(Back row, from left): Amy, Kari, Lauren, Julie and Justin. (Front row, from left): Alex, Adam, Michael and Steve. www.holtinternational.org 23 graduates Riley, Christopher Robertson, Mark Rollema, Melinda Rule, Cydney Shaver, Elizabeth Shepard, Myles Sheronick, Kate Sheronick, Nicholas Shives, Drew Slater, Zack Smith, Rodel Smith, Whitney Trainor, Alex Ward, Steven Watson, Jenna West, Morgan Wright, Matthew Wright, Melanie Sheronick, Nicholas—Van Horne, IA; (2006 gradu- the University of Kentucky in Lexington, KY. (Korea) ate) B.A. in business, administrative management, Watson, Jenna—Mocksville, NC; World Changers, Young, Claire Zlomke, Alyssa Rule, Cydney—Ralston, NB; Dance Team captain, from Mount Mercy College in 0Cedar Rapids, IA. Youth Choir. Plans to major in religion and youth (Korea) ministry at Montreat College in Montreat, NC. Shives, Drew—Manahawkin, NJ; NHS, Tri M Music (Korea) Honor Society, AMEROPA Chamber Music Festival West, Morgan—Spring Lake, NJ; Student govern(Prague), Chess Club, Model Congress, Academic De- ment, Dean’s List, freshman year facilitator. B.S. in cathlon. Plans to major in international business at business management from Fairfield University in Gettysburg College or Villanova. (Korea) Fairfield, CT. (Korea) Slater, Zack—Toms River, NJ; Audio recording hon- Wright, Matthew—Geyserville, CA; Key Club treaors; BandFests; Praise Band guitar, bass, drums. surer, cross country, track, Who’s Who. Plans to maPlans to major in business at Ocean County College jor in graphic design at Santa Rosa Junior College in in Toms River, NJ. (Korea) Santa Rosa, CA. (Korea) DECA honors, Student Volunteer of the Year, yearbook, 1st place Layout & Design UN at Omaha Journalism Competition. Plans to major in marketing, graphic design and business administration at the Smith, Rodel—Fortuna, CA; Plans to attend the Col- Wright, Melanie—Eugene, OR; NHS, peer mentor, University of Nebraska at Lincoln in Lincoln, NB. lege of the Redwoods in Eureka, CA. (Philippines) Art Club, Outstanding Visual Arts Student of the (Korea) Smith, Whitney—Muscatine, IA; Choir, Chorale, Year. Plans to major in computer graphic design at Shaver, Elizabeth—Tomball, TX; Doctor of Optome- Holiday Singers, Freshman Show Choir. Plans to ma- Oregon State University in Corvallis, OR. (Korea) try, Houston College of Optometry. Plans to practice jor in business communication at Scott Community Young, Claire—Havertown, PA; Orchestra, string in Pittsburgh, PA, following a May wedding. (Korea) College in Bettendorf, IA. (Korea) trio, Science Olympiad, Tri-M Music Honors, NHS. Shepard, Myles —Elk Grove, CA; Jazz Band, Faith Storer, Carmen (no photo available)—Des Moines, Plans to major in neuroscience at Dickinson College Episcopal Church Youth Band, SEARCH, youth group. WA; Cross country, track, NWC Ambassador. B.A. in in Carlisle, PA. (Thailand) Plans to major in business and music at Sonoma sociology from Northwestern College in Orange City, Zlomke, Alyssa—Fort Lupton, CO; Honor Roll, chilState University in Rohnert Park, CA. (Korea) IA. (India) dren’s ministry worker, basketball, volleyball, theater, Sheronick, Kate—Van Horne, IA; Hosa Club, vol- Trainor, Alex—Louisville, KY; Governor’s Scholar for band, choir, birth coach, nanny. Plans to major in leyball, track, basketball, softball, Lincoln College the Arts, Art Club, Science Olympiad, lacrosse, Break psychology with a minor in youth ministries at BethScholarship, Mount Mercy Scholarship. Plans to ma- Dance Club. Plans to major in fine arts at the Uni- any University in Scotts Valley, CA. (Korea). jor in journalism and mass communications at the versity of Louisville in Louisville, KY. (Korea) University of Iowa in Iowa City, IA. (Korea) Ward, Steven—Goshen, KY; Commonwealth Diploma, swimming. Plans to major in business at 24 Summer 2007 Nolan Reflections on Being Different from high school and plan to attend state university this fall. When I was younger, I couldn‘t accept being different. But as I dealt with my body changes while growing up, my state of mind changed as well. I learned to embrace my Asian-American culture and who I am. My mother and I really connected while I was growing up, especially as I learned she also had this feeling of being different. A native of Boston, she sometimes felt like an outsider in our small town, even though she spent a majority of her life in Iowa. Through the years I confided in my mother for support and understanding, consequently coming to understand myself. I believe that being different and not like everyone else is okay. I feel that “normal” is only a word, which can be found in a dictionary and nowhere else. I always felt different, an outsider, growing up in a small rural town in the Midwest, where I alone made up the diversity at my school. Adopted from South Korea at 5 months old, I recently graduated If I Adopt a Child What kind of child will I get? My husband and I adopted through Holt International from Korea in 1989. We have two boys. One is 27 years old and into drugs and has been since age 13 or younger. He cannot or will not hold down a job. He has been in trouble at home, school and with the law numerous times and has more traffic citations than I care to count. He is married and has a great wife and lovely young daughter that he is not taking proper care of or supporting in any kind of reasonable manner. He does not hold down a job and gets violent and paranoid when using drugs. He is on his last chance with his wife to straighten up or he will lose both of them. At this point he is trying to straighten his life out, but he is such a professional liar I can’t say I truly believe him. Only time will tell. He has made my life and my husband’s life a living hell and broken our hearts almost beyond repair many times in the past 13 years. He has As an adoptee, I am not angry or ashamed that I look nothing like my parents. My situation is different, and therefore I am different. As far as the fact of not knowing where some of my physical or personality traits come from—I have learned to accept that fact. I know I am not alone in this situation, but I also know there are some holes in the heart that may never be filled. However, I believe all of this will great potential that we can all see, but he just does not tap into it. I know that he can change if he chooses to, and by the grace of God. Our second son is 23 years old. He is in his fifth year of college and graduated in May with a bachelor’s degree. He maintained a cumulative GPA of 3.5 and plans to go on with his education after working for a few years. He is going to be a math teacher, and people are coming to him and offering him jobs for the fall without him having to seek them out. He has been a great kid, and I can count on one hand the number of times he has been in any trouble. He rarely drinks and does not smoke or do drugs. He has worked since the ninth grade and saved almost every dime he has made. He put himself through college with just a little help from us and scholarships. He is debt free and still has most of his savings left. If anyone should be troubled, he should, because we have, in ways, put him on the back burner while we furiously and fruitlessly tried to fix our older son. In the make me a better and stronger person. Everyone is different. Differences are what make each of us unique and interesting. This early experience of self-doubt and examination, in my adolescence, now seems like a necessary part of my personal development. Back then, however, I often needed consolation because I was not like my friends—skinny, blue-eyed, and blonde. But I had to accept that wasn’t me. Of course, my family’s support helped me overcome my negative self-image, but travel showed me a world outside of my insulated hometown. When I was traveling, for once I wasn’t different. Many people looked like me or very different from my friends. These other people came from different backgrounds, countries and cultures. A part of me actually missed being different, like I was at home. Eventually, I came to realize that I am indeed not like everyone else, but more importantly, that no one is the same. And that is definitely something I can understand and accept. —by Kate Sheronick, Van Horne, Iowa past few years, we have desperately tried to make things up to our second son for our lack of attention to him. In spite of everything he has turned out great, and we could not be prouder of him. Now to the reason I am writing this story. If some of you out there do not adopt or are hesitant to do so because you are worried about what kind of child you will get, I am here to tell you there is no way to know what kind of child you will get whether by birth or adoption. You see, I have one of each. My natural born son is the heartache of my life, and my adopted son is the light of my life. Age also sometimes comes into factor. Do not be afraid to adopt an older child, as our son was 5 years old when we got him. Go ahead, set your doubts aside and give a child a home. Your adoptive child may just be the best gift you ever receive. Mine was. —by Anonymous www.holtinternational.org 25 adopting Advice to Graduating Adoptees The transitions from high school to college or from college to careers can be daunting, and international adoptees have some particular challenges. Here are thoughts from adoptees who have “been there.” by John Aeby Director of Communications I “I remember being pretty scared when I graduated from both high school and college,” says Sally Dunbar, a Holt adoptee and now Holt’s Family Recruitment Specialist. “Just when I really started to feel ‘at home’ in my school, it was time to move on to yet another unknown.” If you’re like most international adoptees in high school, a wide circle of people are familiar with your adoption story. Even casual acquaintances know that you’ve grown up in America, have seen you with your parents, have met your family, etc. If you’ve stayed in the same community for most of your life, you’ve probably developed a fairly comfortable existence where you’re seldom asked to explain yourself. And, a significant portion of your identity is tied to your parents and family, as it should be. But, now that you’re moving into new environments, you may find that you have to establish you are known all over again. Some people will be genuinely interested in your background. And times are changing such that international adoption is more commonly understood. Still, you may meet people who ask questions that cross the line into rude. “One time a man came up and began talking loudly and slowly in my face so I could ‘understand’ him,” wrote Renée Francis. “I politely told him that I speak English. He laughed uncomfortably and said that I speak English really well. I simply explained that I was American and grew up in Oregon. While that incident could have been offensive, I tried to see this person as simply unknowledgeable. It was an opportunity to inform him that just because I was not Caucasian, it did not mean that I wasn’t American.” Because this issue of Holt International magazine is our annual graduate edition, we wanted to offer some advice from adoptees for adoptees making transitions to new circumstances. I recently asked several adoptees, including the Holt Adoptee Camp counselors for what worked best in their lives. Here is a sampling of their thoughts: 26 Summer 2007 Resolve whatever holds you back from having maximum peace. For me, it was reconciling “where I came from.” It will be other things for other people. Seek peace through personal reflection, experiencing relationship with others and choose to live today based on who you want to be tomorrow. —Sally Dunbar, Holt Family Recruitment Specialist Embrace the fact that you’re adopted. Look at adoption as a blessing. Because you were adopted, you have been given the chance to have a life of opportunity. Stand confident in the fact that you have been given this chance. Graduating high school and moving on to college and/or a job is a wonderful opportunity to start from scratch. It’s a fresh new beginning. Even though I am an adoptee who has not struggled with the fact that I am adopted, I have struggled with the pressures of life. The pressures teens deal with in high school are tremendous. My advice to graduates is to head into college or a new job with confidence and an open mind, to meeting new people and learning new things. It’s a whole new world where you can become and do whatever you want. You no longer need to be hindered by others (or circumstances) to achieve your goals. Entering college was a great time to establish myself as an adult. I met wonderful new friends there. —Renée Aeby Francis, Holt adoptee It’s okay not knowing who you are right now. After high school and college, I felt such pressure to know exactly who and what I wanted to be for the rest of my life. I made many decisions based on that feeling. Years later I wished I had slowed down to find my “true” self and not settle for outside expectations. Graduation is only the beginning of your life. Slow down because there is time. It’s never too late to make a change, explore new paths, or find yourself. —Tawnya Shaumway, Holt Adoptee Outreach Coordinator. Don’t let your new surroundings overwhelm you. Don’t change for other people. Stick to what you 1 3 5 2 1. Adult zipped hooded sweat shirts. 2. Youth hooded pull-over sweat shirts. Available in brown. (Lt. Blue and Pink available in extra small only) 3. Adult 100% cotton ringer styled shirt. 4. Youth double sleeved t-shirts. 5. Youth and adult 100% cotton t-shirts. 6. Ladies fitted 100% cotton t-shirts. 4 6 *New designs are available online at: holtinternational.org/store various sizes & styles for the entire family! are comfortable being. Maintain your morals and defining characteristics. Most people will accept you for who you are, and those who don’t are not worth your time…. There will always be someone willing to listen to your story…. —Leigh Ann Baglin, Holt Adoptee Camp Counselor Be prepared to deal with ignorance. Situations dealing with your ethnicity, no matter how large or small, will almost certainly occur. —Mark Wilson, Holt Adoptee Camp Counselor Transitions are an exciting process that helps you become a bigger, stronger person. It’s all about going in with confidence in who you are. Be comfortable with yourself and go in proud of yourself as an adoptee. —Kaitlin Doty, Holt Adoptee Camp Counselor Though I’m not an adoptee (I’m an adoptive dad), I’d like to offer one additional suggestion: stay in touch with Holt. As you transition out of your parent’s home, we tend to lose track of adoptees. But Holt is committed to being there for adoptees over your lifetime. Holt has many programs and services that can benefit adoptees especially if you desire to investigate your personal history. A simple way to stay in touch with Holt is to subscribe to our e-newsletter or the Holt International magazine. You can also get connected to Holt’s newly developing Adoptee Outreach program. For information contact Tawnya Shumway at [email protected]. www.holtinternational.org 27 adoptees today Finding My Birth Family A reunion in Korea brings answers to many questions A by Mindy Rodgers (Lee, Kye-hwa) Seattle, Washington As the tires left the tarmac at Seattle/ Tacoma International Airport, I knew there was no turning back. I was going to Korea for the first time in 27 years—to reunite with my biological family. Sitting on the plane next to my adoptive father, I felt apprehensive, scared, excited, nervous, optimistic and happy all at once. I wondered if I could live up to the expectations—and if they would accept me. My father’s presence was comforting. During the flight we talked, watched movies, read and watched the global positioning map inch our plane closer and closer to Korea. After what seemed like an eternity, our plane landed at Incheon. We passed through Korean customs and retrieved our bags from the claim area. Across the room were sliding glass doors that led to the passenger pickup area. As I walked toward them, my heart beat faster with each step. On the other side of the doors, my biological brother awaited. The moment Woo-ho and I spotted each other we both smiled. I saw the eagerness and anticipation on my brother’s face. We exchanged handshakes and bows. I was only 16 months old when I was relinquished for adoption, and I had no memory of my brother or my life in Korea. It was a wonderful and amazing feeling to be standing near someone who shared some of my DNA. We scanned each other for similarities. I felt an instant closeness with him and noticed that he had the same skin coloring as I do. My brother drove us to the Holt International Guest House in Seoul. He told me through my translator that this was the last place I lived in Korea. He thought it would be only fitting for me to start my return journey here again. Humble Beginnings My brother, translator, father and I talked for hours about my life. We discussed why 28 Summer 2007 The author with her biological brother, Woo-ho. I was given up for adoption and how my family wanted to keep me but could not due to financial issues. I learned that our family was extremely poor. My brother told me that food was so scarce I used to hug my rice bowl. To lighten the mood and break the tension, I lightheartedly told him, “I still do!” When I first came from Korea, my American family often found me eating out of the garbage. They also told me that I panicked and screamed if a bowl of rice was not left out for me to see. They suspected that I had been starving. Woo-ho said I lived with him and our grandmother in the town of Kongwondoo in a small thatch-roofed house with a dirt floor. He told me that the three of us formed a close bond and that he never forgot the day I was sent away. One day Woo-ho came home from school and discovered that our father and grandmother had taken me to place me for adoption. This memory was so painful that he can still recall what he wore that day. Throughout his life he had longed to find me. It wasn’t until our grandmother was on her deathbed that he learned she and my father had taken me to Holt. The name of the adoption agency and the time frame were all the information my brother had. He searched relentlessly for 10 years to find me. I thank God for my brother’s love and persistence, because without him, I would never have had the opportunity to know about my past. My Search Like so many other adoptees, I had fantasized about meeting my biological family since I was a child. Did they ever think of me, I wondered. Why was I given up for adoption? Who did I look like? I grew up with many unanswered questions. Despite the fact that I wanted to find my biological family, I never thought I would meet them because I knew so little about my adoption. The only information I had was my Korean name, birthdate and limited health records documented by my foster families. Several factors caused me to be apprehensive about searching for my birth family. The first was my Korean name—Lee, Kye-hwa. Because Lee is a common last name in Korea, I assumed it would be impossible to find them. Secondly, I had known only a few adoptees, and none had been successful in finding their biological family. Finally, I feared rejection. I wondered, Would my family want to see me if I came knocking on their door? Adopted into a loving and supportive family, I grew up in Brush Prairie, Washington, with two older brothers who are my parents’ biological sons. I felt just as much a part of the family as anyone else. At home, my family did not point out my physical differences. I lived in a predominantly Caucasian community and was often the only minority student in my class. During grade school, my classmates reminded me from time to time that I was different, but overall my school years were fun. I never wanted for anything and was a normal American teenager whose life revolved around school, family, friends and basketball. The latter was my childhood passion. I attended the University of Colorado at Boulder where I received my B.A. in anthropology. Several years after college I finally began searching for my birth family. I started with the adoption records my parents had kept. I did not find any new information. My next step was to contact Holt International in Eugene, The author with her two fathers. Oregon, for information. To my disI spent nine days with my brother and may, Holt sent me all the same records that we traveled throughout the Korean counmy parents already had. tryside, visiting national treasures, small I contacted the office again and asked if towns and Buddhist temples. My brother I could do anything else to find my family. was excited to teach me about the Korean A social worker told me that I could write culture and food. to Holt Children’s Services of Korea (HCS) In Pusan, my sister was so excited to in Seoul, but was told it would be unlikely see me that she cried happy tears. Inside that I would receive any new information. her home we sat around a table piled high I was told that often their records are the same as what is on record in Eugene. I with Korean food. Before we ate, my sent a letter explaining that I was looking brother, sister and brother-in-law bowed for my birth family and would welcome any deeply three times to show their respect new information. About three weeks later I and appreciation to my adoptive father and to thank him for raising me. My father and received a call from Holt International. I were overwhelmed by their kindness and I learned that my birth family was look- caring. They called him abo-nim which ing for me! Ecstatic, I told everyone I means respected father in Korean. knew. For three years my brother periodically had stopped by HCS to see if I had My Biological Father tried to make contact. Holt International My journey so far had been amazing. said that when he learned I had contacted My siblings, niece and nephews seemed HCS, he drove three hours the next day to overjoyed to meet me. But my biological release his contact information. father acted nonchalant and emotionless. I About a week later I received an e-mail had expected big hugs or a warm embrace, from a social worker at Holt in regard to but there was none of that. I felt disapmy biological family. This e-mail was life pointed and hurt. When we talked more changing. I learned that I had an older and took pictures, my father maintained his sister and two older brothers as well as a distance. My brother had warned me that father and stepmother, and that my biologi- my biological father was stoic, but I was cal mother passed away from complications taken aback by his response to me. Sitting from my birth. I was happy and shocked on the couch in the house I lived in as a all at once. I retreated to a quiet place baby, I wondered if I had caused him to where I began to cry for the mother I never relive pain or shame for giving me up for knew. In just one sentence that read, “… adoption. I wondered if he wished that I the adoptee’s mother had gone back to her had never come at all. family’s house and died,” my dreams to As my mind started to fill with regrets, meet my mother were gone. my biological father reached into his walAbout two weeks later I received a pack- let and pulled out a photograph of me et with photos and a letter from my brother taken the day he and my grandmother and my biological father. For weeks after- relinquished me for adoption. He had ward, I studied the photographs to see if I carried my photograph in his wallet for 27 resembled any of my family members. My years. At that point I knew he had cared brother and I corresponded for about two about me. years before I mustered up courage enough I saw my birth father twice more after to travel to Korea to meet my family. our initial meeting. Each time, he seemed to warm up a little more. He followed us back to our hotel room and looked at some of the childhood pictures I had brought. He seemed most intrigued by the one my American family took of us together when I first arrived in America. He stared at the picture for about five minutes before putting it down. I am sure that’s how he last remembered me. Before our last visit with my birth father, I requested that I talk alone with him through my translator. I told him I was thankful he gave me up and that I’ve had a good life. I told him that I wasn’t angry at him and that I’ve had many successes. I told him I loved him, despite the fact he was a stranger to me. He seemed pleased. He told me that he can now sleep with his feet up, which in Korea means that he can finally live in peace. Reflections As we left Korea en route to Seattle, I began to miss my Korean family. I don’t know how to explain it, but upon meeting them, I instantly fell in love with them. Maybe like a mother who falls in love with her infant child upon first holding or seeing them. All the hard feelings and resentment I had toward my family for giving me up for adoption had all been relinquished once I met them in person. I learned that their life had been a thousand times harder than mine, and I felt remorseful for any harsh thoughts I had ever had about them. I believe through understanding my family, I gained forgiveness and acceptance. I am so thankful for the opportunity to have met them. I know without my brother’s persistence in finding me, I would never have had the chance to meet my birth family. For that I am forever grateful. As an adoptee I have felt at times like I’ve been caught between two cultures and two worlds. After this experience, however, I see myself as a Korean adoptee who has been enriched by both. I have two families across the globe who love and care about me. Through my journey to find my birth family in Korea, I believe I have finally found my place in the world. ■ lti ww.ho ne: w Go onli r the ister fo g e r to p. p e Cam g/cam r te o p l. o a d n A o 2007 nternati www.holtinternational.org 29 calendar Arkansas neighborhood calendar October 13—Fall Picnic & Information Meeting at Maumelle Park in Little Rock. RSVP: (501) 723-4444 for details, times and directions. California September 29—Holt Family Picnic at Plaza Park in Visalia. Contact: Sally Dunbar at [email protected] or 1-888-355-HOLT x137 Georgia October 13—Holt Family Picnic at Lutheran Church of the Resurrection, 4814 Paper Mill Rd. SE in Marietta. 3 p.m. Contact: Sally Dunbar at sallyd@ holtinternational.org or 1-888-355-HOLT x137 Illinois August 25—Holt Family Picnic at Ty Warner Park in Westmont. 11 a.m.–3 p.m. Contact: Sally Dunbar at [email protected] or 1-888-355-HOLT x137 Iowa Sept. 15—Holt Family Picnic at LeGrand Community Park, LeGrand. 11 a.m.–3 p.m. Contact: Sally Dunbar at [email protected] or 1-888-355-HOLT x137 Kansas / Missouri October 6—Holt Family Picnic at Harmon Park in Prairie Village, Kansas. 11 a.m.–2 p.m. Contact: Sally Dunbar at [email protected] or 1-888355-HOLT x137 New Jersey Sept. 8—Holt Family Picnic at Pine Park in Lakewood. Contact: Sally Dunbar at [email protected] or 1-888-355-HOLT x137 Oregon August 12—Holt Family Picnic at Cook Park in Tigard. 1 p.m.– 4 p.m. Contact: Sally Dunbar at sallyd@ holtinternational.org or 1-888-355-HOLT x137 Oct. 20—Colors of Hope Dinner Auction in Portland to benefit the children of Haiti. Contact: Char Woodworth, Event Chair, at (503) 638-2518 or [email protected]; or Caroline Toy, Holt Events Manager at (800) 451-0732 Texas Nov. 9—Benefit Art Auction at Paradise Cove in Grapevine to benefit children in Holt’s care who are affected by HIV/AIDS. An Evening at the Lake with Holt President and CEO Gary Gamer. Contact: Caroline Toy, Holt Events Manager at (800) 451-0732 Summer, 3, and Maurianna Kowalski, 5, with friend Eric Margadonna, 6. Strawberry Fields “I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I wanted to be a mother.” On September 11, 2001, I was working from home when I heard about the destruction of the Twin Towers. Living less than an hour’s drive from New York City, I know lots of folks who commute to work in the city, including my brother and his wife. My next-door neighbor (and good friend) called to ask if I’d like to come over, just so I wouldn’t be alone during such an awful and confusing time. My neighbor had recently given birth to a son. He was less than a month old, and I held him in my arms as his parents and I watched TV. The whole time I held him, I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I wanted to be a mother and to hold a child of my own. I will never forget how I felt on that day. The horror, the dread, the fear. And, as impossible as it may seem, I also felt hope and a love of life as I looked at this baby’s sweet face. That baby was Eric, the little boy in the picture. Just a little over two years after 911, my husband and I flew to China to receive our oldest daughter, Maurianna. Eric and Maurianna have been strawberry picking together now for three years. And joining them for the past two years is our youngest daughter, Summer. They are all best buds. —by Sue Kowalski/ Cream Ridge, N.J. 30 Summer 2007 family tree sponsorship Henry, 6, and Tess Ryder, 2, both from Korea—Brick, N.J. Allyson Peake, 3, China—Virginia Beach, Va. Emerson Gray, 16 months, China—Baltimore, Md. Send your photos to Family Tree! Mail original color prints to: Holt International magazine P.O. Box 2880 Eugene, OR 97402 or upload digital photos at holtinternational.org/submissions Caleb Hillin, 2½, Korea—Grand Island, Neb. Matthew and Beth (McIntyre) Fannon, 21, Korea—Johnson, City, Tenn. Max Foley, 5, Vietnam—Alexandria, Va. Newlyweds Natalie (Lawrence) , 21, Korea, and Joshua Anderson— Fayetteville, Ark. Mimi Stark, 1½, China—Eugene, Ore. Mother Ok-joo Lee and Jacqueline Goslay, 1, Korea— Albuquerque, N.M. David, (Vietnam), and Rose Riethmiller with sons Maxwell, 3, and Samuel, 1—Sylvania, Ohio www.holtinternational.org 31 Far left: Adopted from Romania when she was almost 7, Isadora Klein is now 15. • Center: Isadora and her brother Andrew express joy in being part of a family. • Left: Izidora as she appeared at age 4 as a waiting child in Holt’s Hi Families magazine. Romanian Rhapsody: Our Journey of Faith When the Lord placed the desire in our hearts to adopt a 4-year-old girl, thus began a journey of faith to find her. We already had five biological children—three sons and two daughters aged 6 to 18 years. Our quiver was full, and it was almost embarrassing that we were pursuing adoption. We discovered it wasn’t about us, but rather God’s grace to a little girl named Izidora. After what seemed the longest two years and three months of our lives, her daddy and oldest sister traveled to Romania to pick her up. At this time she was just three months shy of 7 years old. She was the size of an American 4-year-old and wore a 4T dress. The miraculous thing is she fit into our family like a glove. Once she arrived, the memory of all the waiting just faded away. We had some fear about adopting. Sometimes with our large family we felt that we were barely keeping our heads above water with all the different wants and needs. Could we really add another child? We found her in the “Waiting Child” section of Holt’s November 1996 magazine. We knew immediately she was the one. Has it been work? Absolutely, without a doubt. Perhaps this is why it has taken me so long to write this. Raising any child, biological or adopted, is a labor of love. When we read about Izidora our fears faded away, and we were filled with faith! Speech delayed? We had already done that! Heart murmur? We had done that, too! Introverted with developmental delay, needing social interaction and stimulation? In our home there was always something going on with home schooling, 4-H, church and so on. Our silly nickname we called ourselves was “The Quiet Kleins,” because there never seemed to be a quiet moment. Izidora would not lack for social interaction and stimulation. Post Of fice Box 2880 Eugene OR 974 02 Change Service Requested Has it been worth it? Absolutely, without a doubt. Ruth Isadora has been an incredible blessing. We are a changed family, and changed for the better. We have a richer understanding of the unconditional love that Jesus has for us, as he “adopts” us into His family by grace through faith. A recent photo, taken on Easter Sunday with her brother Andrew, expresses the joy of being a part of a loving family. We are thankful that Holt International Children’s Services is dedicated to carrying out God’s plan for every child to have a permanent, loving family. Dora is a gift from God to us. —Bonnie Klein, Colfax, California Nonprofit Org US Postage Paid Eugene OR Permit No. 291
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