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Outline #1: An Educational Moment
INTRO
THESIS: Adapting to a new school system in the US was difficult because of the new
language, but I overcame it by studying English hard. This experience showed me the
importance of not giving up.
TOPIC SENTENCE #1: My English knowledge diminished my 10th grade success
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EXAMPLE: I did not know how to write very well in English class.
o DETAILS: The first homework assignment I turned in took me three hours to do
and I got an F on it.
o ANALYSIS: I was very discouraged. This made it very hard to complete papers
and worksheets in all my classes, so I often failed.
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EXAMPLE #2: The first time I worked with my classmates in groups, I did not speak
very clearly and they made fun of me.
o DETAILS: In English we had to read the parts of a play in groups. I struggled to
pronounce some easy words and my group laughed at me.
o DETAILS: In science, we had to label parts of a cell diagram. When I tried to tell
my group the answers they couldn’t figure out what I said.
o ANALYSIS: I would fake sick to stay home because they were so mean. This
meant I missed even more class and got even further behind.
LINK: By the end of the first semester, I was failing three classes.
TOPIC SENTENCE #2: My classmates’ mean comment during presentations in English class
made me want to overcome this problem.
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EXAMPLE: I went up to present and I heard a student in the front row, but my teacher
didn’t hear.
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o DETAILS: My face got hot and I couldn’t look at them. I looked down at my
cards and tried not to cry. When it was over, I felt like I was going to be sick.
o ANALYSIS: At first I was so embarrassed, but then I got really angry that people
would be so rude.
LINK: I decided I would show them by getting better grades then they could.
TOPIC SENTENCE #3: I began practicing English more at school and at home and my
speaking improved.
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EXAMPLE: I tried to practice by speaking to my classmates although they ignored me.
So I ended up joining AP Spanish Club.
o DETAILS: First day I went to meeting and how friendly they were.
o DETAILS: Having fun speaking Spanish and being proud of my culture.
o ANALYSIS: I was able to help them with their Spanish and they helped me with
their English.
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EXAMPLE: I watched TV and movies with English subtitles
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EXAMPLE: I tried to think in English and read English articles online.
LINK: By the end of the next semester, all my grades had gotten up to passing.
CONCLUSION:
Although starting HS in the US was difficult at first, I learned that with my new friends
and determination I could achieve my goals. As a result, I continued to improve throughout
high school and I got all As and Bs my senior year.
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Outline 1
1. Thesis- Leaving my hometown to go to college was one of the hardest moments in my life, but it
taught me that my family will support all my decisions.
2.
Topic Sentence- When I got accepted to college away from home, I wasn’t sure if I should go.
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Excited when I got the letter, but realized I’d have to leave all the people I grew up with
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I had never lived on my own before, and I was going to be living with strangers.
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I was worried I would be lonely and /or struggle to make friends.
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I was going to miss so many things! (B days, my cousin’s baby, Sunday dinners)
3. Topic Sentence- Some of my cousins were really mad when I told them I was going so far.
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When I showed them the letter on the way home (Their reaction and how I tried to explain)
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I was afraid they would never talk to me again.
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They came around, but it wasn’t the same that summer. We didn’t hang out as much.
Packing my things to drive out with my parents.
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Didn’t think my cousins would come to see me off.
4. Saying good-bye at the family BBQ was the hardest moment of my life.
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So much food!!, all my family showed up, but my cousins weren’t there.
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Finally had to say good-bye & family told me how proud they were.
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I realized how much they believed in me
Cousins showed up at the last minute. Bought plane tickets to come out and visit me in a
month. Told me “better get a comfy couch for us”
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I was so happy. I learned that family sticks together no matter what.
5. Conclusion: Starting over in a new place was hard, but I was determined not to give up because I
wanted to make them proud. Also, I had my cousins’ visit to look forward to. They called me
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every day and visited twice that semester. I wouldn’t have made it through my first year without
them.
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The Empowerment of Perseverance
1. Introduction: Background information
a. Tell the readers about yourself
b. Struggled through middle school and high school because my peers would
tease me for being more intellectual
c. Hanging out with the wrong crowd trying to fit while simultaneously losing
interest in education
d. Slowly, but surely through music and college till the desire to learn began
to rekindle and reached it epitome when I came to an epiphany
2. Thesis / Hook. How can it benefit others?: Through my Learning Communities class
I discovered that even though many people are born with talents and abilities,
through tenacity, and perseverance any individual is capable of accomplishing any
task
a. Ability to reach untapped potential by removing personal obstacles in life
3. Body Paragraph number 1: Preceding before I got to class
a. What happened on the way to school?
b. Why I was late as usual at the beginning of the semester.
4. Body Paragraph number 2: The video presentation
a. Describe what images you saw in the video
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b. Describe what you heard
5. Body paragraph number 3: Why did those words impact you the way they did
and how did it affect your life?
a. Inward aspirations of being well educated and successful
b. Began to excel academically
c. Began to excel musically
d. Eventually this philosophy began to take over everything I did in life.
6. Conclusion paragraph: How it can benefit others?
a. Consequently, this epiphany has also led me to believe that with enough
willpower I too am capable of accomplishing just as great feats as some of
the greatest individuals in recorded history. Therefore demonstrating why
this empowering idea of perseverance is significant in my life.