1. sports
2. running and jogging

THE
WARREN
COMMISION
IB
ENDPOINT
EDITION
DIVISION ONE
Leo McLaren
written by Sean Ding
Leo McLaren. Apart from being the most gorgeous human male to come
through Fenner…no wait. Still stuck on the part about him being gorgeous.
Seriously you guys, have you seen him? He is literally the perfect male
specimen like oh my god. I mean damn son, you just left nothing for the rest
of us. Scientists actually need to take his seed and preserve it in the
doomsday vault, just in case humanity reaches the brink of extinction and we
need to repopulate. Come to think of it, aliens would probably visit us if we all
looked like Leo. That’s probably it.
The fact I am a heterosexual male in a loving relationship with a human
woman (who is real) does not preclude me from being able to expound upon
his actually crippling handsomeness. Touch Rugby 2014, I dropped
countless passes because I was gazing longingly at him from other wing. I
had to chalk it up to ‘not being skilled enough’ but really I just wasn’t paying
attention.
Leo good luck for IB this year and I hope you make it to end point safely. But
more importantly, protect your face. That thing is the moneymaker.
THE KONG REPORT
Richard Kong ran off somewhere, so Sean Ding writes this week’s Kong Report
The concept of IB just sounds intuitively wrong. You are blindfolded in a
blacked out vehicle, dumped anywhere between 50 or 100 kilometers in the
middle of nowhere in the dead of the night with three other idiots. You get a
map, a compass and a torch and get told to run back home.
I am literally the dumbest person. But even at my dumbest, I know IB is a
terrible, terrible idea, which is why I am baffled as to why somebody as
intelligent, charming and accomplished as Richard Kong would voluntarily
subject himself to this unusual form of torture.
Ethiopian Yirgacheffe coffee beans? Yeah fine, whatever, do you. Balsamic
vinegar tossed heirloom mushrooms with a durian bavarois? Okay I can
tolerate that, just get it away from me. Richard I can understand to some
extent, all the shit you love except IB. I just don’t get it. But regardless, have
fun, enjoy what you love doing and I’ll see you again when you finish. There is
literally nobody else in Fenner I can hipster-bash this hard so please make it
back in one piece.
Oleg Koudashev
written by Richard Kong
When I first started to write this biography, my mind ran astray trying to
fathom the legendary beginnings for such a mysterious figure as Oleg. Was
he raised by a family of bears in his homeland Russia, imbuing their resilience
and mighty thighs of thunderous steel? Was he trained by African swallows,
learning how to sense the Earth’s magnetic field to navigate whilst bearing a
load of many coconuts? Is he really a ghost who can walk through trees on a
bush bash?
The answer to all of these questions is probably not because they’re all quite
silly. While his origins might not be as fantastical as the above, this certainly
hasn’t dampened his achievements in Inward Bound as one of the most
resilient, most proficient and most Russian the competition has seen. For as
long as institutional memory can remember, he has led division 1 to a strong
finish with no exceptions in the foreseeable horizon. It’s been an amazing
experience running with you and your force of will.
Ben Li
written by Yitao Lei
Ben was first intrigued about Inward Bound when a couple of his friends did it
two years ago. After hearing all about it, he decided to not miss the next fun
opportunity of running in a low division. Plus he thought if his incompetent
friend was able to finish div 7, then he should be able to run it quite easily. So
over the summer break, he trained intensely, to ensure selection. The 2014
coaches conflated enthusiasm with running ability, and surprised Ben with a
'happy' promotion to div 3.
You would think that Ben would stop after living through IB, right? No way! He
had gone crazy about running. A notable recreational run was along the very
hilly Bullen Range, when his mate insisted "the route looked flat on the map."
All this exercise has improved Ben's life; he has transformed from a
borderline obese kid to the poster boy of IB for Fenner.
This year, he finally fulfils his ambition of running in div 1, a natural goal
everyone secretly has. As his former Facebook 'life partner' of only three
days, I am obliged to wish him good luck in trying to keep up with Oleg for
80km.
DIVISION TWO
Maximum Stenstrom
written by Qaleem
One quarter Golden Retriever puppy, one quarter camel, one quarter Nav’i
(Avatar), an eighth German and an eighth Swedish, Max Eric Stenstrom hails
from Turramurra on Sydney’s Upper North Shore. Wise beyond his 21 years
having lived on post-grad/mature-age floors for two years (this year as N9
SR), Max has somehow made it to Division 2 despite a training regime more
suited to a Division 6 runner, ie beers for carbs.
When not working in his own office in the German Embassy, Max can be
found shoeless playing Ultimate (Frisbee). It is likely he will be running IB
barefoot and according to his fellow Div 2 runners, the best to way to get him
to run is to play fetch with a frisbee with him.
For all those going to any IB after-party, Max is the guy you want to be taking
shots with. Armed with his credit card, anything is possible when Max is
buying. All jokes aside, Max is a force to be reckoned with and he will most
definitely be giving his all and going out on a limb… Just as long as the sweet
smell and taste of peanut butter is there to greet him at endpoint.
Tom Berry
written by Russ Webber
Thomas Berry, or TB as he is affectionately called by his friends, faced
extraordinary adversary like any other white, middle class male growing up in
the plush suburbs of Melbourne. He graduated Luther College, Croydon,
Melbourne in 2009 despite constant setbacks including his mother packing
his lunch with sandwiches he disliked and Banana flavoured Yogo he refused
to eat due to a tragic childhood incident. The shy, quiet natured young man in
pursuit of his dream of being an “International Relater” commenced his
undergrad studies at Deakin University in Melbourne with a Bachelor of
International Studies (International Relations/Middle East Studies/Chinese)
and later at a little known university, The Australian National University, in the
backwater city of Canberra, with a Masters of Asia-Pacific Studies. An avid
traveller, having spent time in Turkey for his undergrad, travelled around
Europe, and often visiting his family in the UK, has a strong desire to visit
China where he can impress the local girls with his Mandarin skills.
Unfortunately it was in Turkey where Tom picked up his debilitating addiction
to Pepsi which to this day he still battles. His greatest accomplishment is
having his Dobinson Big Breakfast Instagram shared by the Dobinson Bakery
itself. Tom’s participation in and dedication to IB shocked his family and close
circle of friends but once again proved he is capable of doing anything
provided it gives him an excuse to not study his course work.
Faisal
written by Dylan Karunaratne
He sat slouched over his smart phone, finger quiverying as it dragged down
the screen to reveal the final line of text. 'Predicted finish: 6th place.'
"Ah, phuck man."
"What is it, Faisal?"
"Ah, phuck, we'll show those bastards."
And so he will. Syed Faisal is an Inward Bound veteran. He is an imposing
hulk of Malaysian muscle and determination, and he has shattered my preexisting beliefs regarding the limitations of human physiology more than
once.
He promised me he would race in Division One. Then he lied and said he was
injured and wouldn't be able to compete. Faisal likes to play with my
emotions. Now he's in Division Two.
This year i've promised him the one thing he has always wanted. A roast duck
dinner. One condition: win Division Two. Apparently now I'm buying dinner for
his entire team, whatever. Anyway, no one has dared promise Faisal anything
like this before. No one has given him the opportunity to push himself to his
limits. This year, he has one hell of a carrot on a stick - except that the carrot
is a roast duck. He will push himself, and his team, to their emotional and
physical limits. He will talk shit for the entire duration of inward bound. One
thing remains uncertain. Will Division Two... win?
I really don't want to have to buy you a roast duck Faisal. But I will. See you at
endpoint, and good luck Division Two!
Dylan Smedley
written by Dylan Karunaratne
Leading a stacked Division 2 team that promises as much in athleticism as it
does in banter, Dylan Smedley brings an effervescent optimism and a cando attitude to a team already stacked with talent.
Aside from an endlessly sunny disposition, Dylan also packs a secret
weapon - divine protection. If Dylan's form in the game of 500 is any
indication, Jesus has clearly got Dylan's back. Like seriously how are you
going to get three consecutive hands of 8 hearts, get f**ked. His training in
pastoral care will also be an invaluable asset on this team when Faisal
inevitably drives Tom and Max to the brink with his incessant smack talk.
Expect Dylan to be buoyed by the success of his home country, New
Zealand, in the Cricket World Cup. Dylan will seek to emulate the success of
New Zealand by leading his team to a confident second-place finish, narrowly
missing out on the roast duck dinner promised to him by the FRC president if
his team finished first. What a shame.
DIVISION THREE
Jonathan Harvey
written by Tom Berry
Jonathan Harvey is a young Brit hailing from the village of Holmes Chapel,
Cheshire. He is well known around Fenner for his tenacity on and off the
sporting field as well as his very…vocal support. He is also well known for his
10,000+ twitter and instragram followers and his lifelong friendship with
celebrity heart throb Harry Styles from One Direction (rumour has it Harry will
be at end point so get down to support Fenner). This week Jon will only have
one direction on his mind; the direction to end point. Having trained
ferociously and maintaining a balanced diet thanks to the culinary mastery of
Tas, Jon is looking in flying form to help bring home Div 3 for Fenner. We
know Jon always gives 110% in competition and 150% in celebrating
afterwards having broken his wrist whilst running with a teammate (who will
remain nameless for the author’s sake) from police for urinating in public after
being thrown out of Mooseheads following the Interhall Soccer Grand Final.
Jon will no doubt run IB as though he has the police hot on his tail and his
pants around his ankles showing young Robert and Jeevan how the veterans
do it.
The Semi-Sub-Continental Wonderchild
written by Michael Turvey
The year is 1996. World War Two ended half a century ago. Sri Lanka wins
the Cricket World Cup. The Cold War is cooling down. Multiculturalism and
neoliberalism are gaining ground. Bill Clinton is President of the US, Paul
Keating is the PM of Australia. Amongst a backdrop of Soviet dissolution, the
dot-com bubble, and Western political skepticism, Jeevan Haikerwal was
born.
Watch Jeevan as he lopes along the trail to Div 3 victory. Observe his strong,
lean body, hear the thump of his carefully placed footsteps. Keep watching.
Keep listening. See his teeth, glittering as they flash a perfect smile. His eyes,
gleaming with strong confidence. His mind, both a fortress and a steel trap.
His tongue, a slender whip, wrapped around words of passionate tonality.
God could not design so perfect a man.
But could science?
Think again, dear reader, to 1996. Was Jeevan the only celebrated birth of
that year? No, there was one other: Dolly, the first ever product of genetic
cloning.
Or was she?
Jeevan Haikerwal, the mysteriously perfect human, was born at the height of
genetic science. And what’s more, both his ‘parents’ are really medical
professionals. Jeevan Haikerwal was never born. He was synthesized.
Some might respond to this revelation by saying a genetically engineered
superman has no place running IB, that he is somehow disqualified. But that,
dear reader, is simply not the Fenner way. I for one will be cheering Haikerwal
as his perfect, faultless calves and ankles propel him seamlessly across the
IB finish line. And so, dear reader, should you.
Rob Kenna
written by Sean Anderson
Rob Kenna: The man, the myth, the legend. The guy that nearly tripped down
a flight of stairs the day before the race… As a functioning alcoholic that
plans to run approximately 65km, Rob is truly an inspiration to us all.
However, Rob’s natural ability to run for extended periods of time is small
potatoes compared to his outstanding artistic skill. From his roots in “that
small country town you’ve probably never heard of”, Rob grew up frying in the
hot sun in the fields of his parent’s potato farm as he helped his father work
the land. When he’s not getting mashed at the Warren or watching his friends
get baked, Rob likes making sacks of unapeeling jokes amongst his peers.
Despite setbacks such as when sickness caused his IB training to spudder to
a halt, leaving him a couch potato for a week, Rob has never been one to
have a chip on his shoulder. Whilst Rob's taters will be boiling mad to see his
confidence in winning the race, it's all gravy as far as he's concerned. Such
starch contrast between his and his opponents’ athletic abilities means I yam
certain he will win this race for Fenner!
Tim Bovaird
written by Dylan Karunaratne
Tim Bovaird, better known by his street name, Timbo Slice (do check out his
fight videos on youtube under the pseudonym Kimbo Slice) is a straight up
beast. Now I know I throw that word around quite a lot, and that fact may
undermine the significance of what I'm trying to convey here so let me be
clear:Timbo Slice is a straight up animal.
Did you know he discovered Earth-like planets? Do you realise that when he's
not running ultra-marathons, he's either completing a PhD in Astrophysics or
carefully trimming his eyebrows for that authentic Bert-from-Sesame-Street
aesthetic. What a man. Tim will be running in a Div Three team, like the Div
Two team ahead of it, that is blessed with a more than generous endowment
of talent and banter. And let me be clear, banter will surely provide the XFactor that brings this team way beyond the 6th place predicted by those
chums at ISO and into a glorious first place finish. In fact, this will probably be
the case for every Fenner team - expect for poor Div Two,who will come a
close second and thus not oblige me to buy them roast duck. So, anyway, I
study arts and I'm 100% on how astrophysics works, but i'm pretty sure that
Tim's familiarity with the stars will allow them to navigate as much by celestial
bodies as by the maps in their hands. Yet another X-Factor for Fenner Hall.
Tim, you're an absolute monster. Good luck Division Three
DIVISION FOUR
Chris Wang
written by Patrick Yates
I would like to say a few short words about Chris. You may wonder how
someone of such stature has come to cast so tall a shadow over Fenner’s IB
journey, but it would be more than foolish to short change him at this point.
His weaknesses are slight and his shortcomings few, his determination and
tenacity will see his team won’t fall short. Not to sell him short, the inner
tactician will undoubtedly devise cunning strategies to short-circuit the other
teams and ensure there will be no shortfall of points for Fenner. Chris has
always led from the front and I didn’t doubt, even for the shortest time, that he
will lead his team to the front of the competition and stand up on that pedestal
eye to eye with his vanquished foes.
In short, if you haven’t understood what I’ve been talking about I’m sure you
will … shortly.
Sometimes shortness is a virtue though, and I’m certain he’ll be leading
Fenner along the shortcut to victory this Saturday.
Ben Ingelbrecht
written by Sean Ding
Ben I’m breaking up with you.
I can’t spend my life clinging to these memories anymore. I thought we had
something good, but it looks like I was thinking with my heart and not my
brain. ‘Oh I’m busy with arts committee stuff’ or ‘I’m super busy learning
Chinese and taking over the world’, and now with IB, it’s like you’re literally
running away from me. I can’t keep up. The signs were all there but I let my
love for you blind me to what was so obvious. A man such as yourself has his
eyes set on a future; brighter and more fruitful than anything I could ever
provide you.
Ben I’m only holding you back. In everything you do I live in your shadow and
I can feel myself becoming a burden, preventing you from reaching your
fullest potential. It’s no wonder you’re out there running around the bush in the
dark with a bunch of strangers. I’m sure the freedom of exploring the
unknown with likeminded kin is more exciting and rewarding than anything
you’ll ever experience with myself. Maybe you will be happier with the likes of
Tristan Dimmock, or Chris Wang, or Janet Davey.
I can’t selfishly hang onto you knowing that you would be happier in the
company of others. I’ve kept you in a cage for too long. Run your IB, live your
life and be happy, even if it means leaving me behind. You will always be in
my heart even if I don’t have a place in yours.
Don’t worry about me anymore. I’ll be fine. I can find somebody else to play
Yugioh with.
Tristan Dimmock
written by Tim Bovaird
Ascending from the North Tower basement, Tristan “Jaime Lannister”
Dimmock nominates as tribute once more for the latest iteration of Inward
Bound. An IB regular ever since he became aware that running IB meant that
he would receive a 1 litre chocolate milk at endpoint. Tristan is no stranger to
the physical and mental challenges involved in running IB, having completed
Division 1 on multiple occasions. He will be hoping this year that his golden
hair will help him achieve the gold with a strong division 4 team. Over the last
5 years Tristan has been silently scouting potential IB endpoints far and wide
under the guise of being a cycling enthusiast. Rumour has it that he has
known the location of the 2015 endpoint since March 2012, and hence will be
taking a single map. It is this confidence and bravery that makes Tristan an
invaluable asset to the Fenner team. Make sure you arrive early if you wish to
glimpse his golden hair appearing over the horizon.
Janet Davey
written by Ee-Faye Chong
Seemingly harmless, the Orange-Maned Janet can be spotted in her natural
roosting place of Fenner Hall. However, this particular species of Janet
displays some unusual characteristics that make her a scientific obscurity
and the subject of much research.
It is well known that the Janet is carnivorous, and maintains a regular diet of
hockey players from the opposing team. Often outnumbered, she will
produce a menacing set of armour that is a result of rapid genetic evolution to
fend off her foes. The eponymous gravity-defying hair is a warning sign to all
potential predators and IB minions that the she is at the top of the food chain.
It is for these reasons that the Janet is colloquially known as “The Beast”.
Being evolutionarily advanced, the Janet has also adapted the
communication techniques of nearby species, most notably the languages of
Mandarin and Physics.
The principal threat to the Janet’s continued survival is the frequent
occurrence of 9am maths lectures.
DIVISION FIVE
Harriet Scandol
written by Linda Ma
A Development Studies/Economics student from Sydney, Harriet studies
Chinese and is quite a well travelled woman. Some might say that since she’s
been everywhere on her gap yah. So she’s probably quite well-qualified to
traipse across the countryside for long stretches at a time. Last year she took
a gap year and worked on an organic farm through the WWOOF program,
picking vegetables and living off the land. One would imagine she’s handy
with a map and compass too.
Ms Scandol has been committed to Inward Bound from day dot and in her
first year of involvement, has been very impressive, running long mock drops
and proving her capacity for long-distance endurance. Thankfully avoiding
major injury during the training period, she’s poised to do Fenner proud in
Division 5. Let’s hope she makes it back quickly, gets a good rest on
Saturday night in time to ace her Microeconomics 1 exam on Sunday in order
to woo her true love Paul Chen. (Good luck Harriet!!)
Daniel Roszbach
written by Dylan Karunaratne
Part-time Philosopher and full-time German, Daniel Roszbach seems poised
to provide strong Germanic leadership and a fresh perspective on the
existential significance of ultra-marathons to an already well-balanced
Division Five team.
The tremendous utility of philosophy in regards to Inward Bound may not be
immediately obvious, but believe me - its there. If my personal experience
with running is anything to go by (but, to be honest, it isn't), there is
something about running that forces us to confront the decisions we've
made: Am I going to die here? What gave me the compulsion to run in the
first place? Is Fenner really worth all this? These are the questions I can
imagine asking myself if I ran IB and I can imagine having a nuanced
philosophical perspective on these questions would be invaluable.
Thankfully, his teammates are far more capable than me; and far less likely to
have an emotional meltdown when faced with the prospect of running that far
- or running at all.
Nonetheless, Daniel's grasp of ancient wisdom provides yet another X-Factor
to a team whose cultural diversity reflects the diverse community we
celebrate here at Fenner Hall.
Good luck Division Five!
Austen Smith
written by Ben Harris
Austen is on exchange from the Netherlands, plays rugby, loses at cards,
and studies law. On top of that, he has the worst luck in picking teams, in
Melbourne Football Club (perennial bottom dweller since 2009), Western
Sydney Wanderers (only really been bad this this year, but he only picked
them late last year, so still counts) and the English Cricket Team, which
couldn’t even make it to quarter-finals of the world cup, in a world cup which
is designed to ensure that that won’t happen. Having been travelled to
Australia several times, as well as to New Zealand, and several other
countries besides during his extended exchange, Austen appears to have
decided that this wasn’t enough, and thus signed up for IB, to both run an
ungodly distance in one night, and to see the ‘magic’ of the Australian bush.
That being said, he probably won’t be able to see much, as it will be pretty
dark for most of the run. Good luck to you Austen, and may it be better than
your luck in other endeavours (I have seriously never seen anyone as unlucky
in cards than you)!
Wouter Kuin
written by Sam Phillis
“For those who’ve come across the seas, we’ve boundless plains to share”,
plains you have to run across, and push yourself through. Plains of willpower
and mental fortitude. Plains that Wouter Kuin is ripping apart, thrashing
through at speeds fast enough to spin the windmills of his homeland
14,784km away.
This lean machine is pure muscle and might; a mountain of power and
persistence unstoppable by time, distance or the harsh Australian landscape.
Training in the Netherlands Wouter would slip on clogs made of concrete,
strap them on with chains and run laps around his homeland. Some say he
only flies first class. Others that he simply raised his hands to the sky and rematerialized in Canberra. The truth is far more impressive. Knowing that he
would be running IB, Wouter poised himself on the coast of the Netherlands,
looked towards the horizon and ran, ran, ran across the seas to Australia,
scaling mountains of water, his laminated map steering him on through the
featureless abyss to the shores of our red land.
And now he stands ready, gazing upon the far horizon, eyes burning with an
intensity akin to the nuclear hatefire of ten thousand burning suns, all of which
is directed upon the land he shall dominate, in his death-defying sprint
through the bush, and all of which shall be unleashed upon his unfortunate
rivals. Soon he shall be invincible.
DIVISION SIX
Vincent Nguyen
written by Wouter Kuin
Vincent Nguyen (also known as Vince the Prince) is one of the latest additions
to Fenners Div 6 IB squad. This Canadian exchange student with Vietnamese
origins might not be the tallest but his small legs definitely do not prevent him
from running fast. Next to running one of the Prince’s many talents is
speaking French. If you see him in the kitchens struggling on one of his many
accounting essays you should ask him to speak a bit of this funny language,
as he likes to demonstrate his talent.
He crowned himself as the Prince when he was younger, but his Snapchat
name reveals that he has not abdicated yet. He is only here for a semester
but the Prince has already established himself as a culinary expert when it
comes to vegetarian food, making him part of the vegetarian IB inner circle.
Furthermore, his inappropriate jokes are hilarious, as he is capable of
applying the necessary self-humour. All in all the Prince will provide his fellow
Div 6 with great cooking and accounting knowledge during the run, while also
hopefully not making everyone shit their pants from laughing.
Emma Florey
written by Mickey Johnson
Emma Florey, the perfect human.
This beauty has graced South 8 with her warm presence and beautiful british
accent from new residents weekend 2015. She has pushed through pain and
several rolls of strapping tape to make it onto the the stand out division 6
team! In ages long past her matchless skill and peerless beauty would have
seen a thousand ships launched in her name. Alas, in this cold and callous
age of digitalised apathy, such things are not possible - and all the better, for
who are those uncultured plebs, to believe themselves capable of
representing Emma Florey?
Instead, Emma must brave the wild Australian bush herself; this will,
undoubtedly, be, at least, possibly, probably, one of the most amazing things
she has accomplished…yet.
We wish you all the best Emma and cannot wait to cheer you home to a
celebration of smoked almonds, dark chocolate and a Colin Firth movie
marathon.
Ed Müller
written by Mickey Johnson
Hailing originally from Russia, then Germany and now the Netherlands,
please give a very loud welcome to Ed! This mean machine, consisting of
stern teutonic leadership and law student prowess is a recent addition to the
Fenner community.
We will be farewelling him at the end of this semester as this beast of a
human being enters preliminary training with the German Army. His future
may consist of week long survival exercises, desperate fights to the death
with bears and bottles of flaming vodka, likely in the opposite order, but this
will all pale in comparison to his vicious fight with the 40km of dastardly bush
land, ferocious drop bears and intestine devouring
kangaroos. The scars he will bear at the end of it, tokens of his strength and
conquest, will scare away all those who stand before him.
Fuel up on vodka, rev those engines and fly, fly you magnificent beast!
Gleb Kotousov
written by Richard Kong
The Russian’s have Tchaikovsky in music, Cherenkov in physics, Putin in
fitness and Kotousov in all three. From playing exhilarating Chopin on the
piano, to winning the University Medal in Physics, to running with Oleg since
I’ve come to Fenner, Gleb has always been at the superlative of anything he’s
committed to. He puts robots to shame with his 6am starts (including a 2km
swim) and his late night piano practice, dedicating the time to become
exceptional at just about everything he does.
This year marks the first year since time immemorial that he’s not run division
1 with his equally crazy Russian partner-in-crime Oleg Koudashev. Needless
to say he’ll likely bring his expert navigational ability to division 6. And if they
ever get lost, don’t discount Gleb bending the laws of physics to bring his
teammates home.
DIVISION SEVEN
Linda ‘Debabin’ Ma
written by Mel Toombs
A woman of many talents, Linda ‘Debabin’ Ma holds some substantive
achievements. Most recently, she affirmatively demolished Burgmann’s
chances of success, as First Speaker at the Interhall Debating Grand Finals.
In the context of her broader participation in the ANU community, she is a
proud member of the ANU Debating Society, the newest Aid and
Development Learning Coordinator and always knows about the latest
discourse on campus as an ANUSA rep.
The model runner, Linda has been training hard all season. Fiercely rebutting
injury, Linda has put her all into training runs and mock drops. Another
important point of information is that Linda is a wholehearted team member.
Always on the affirmative, Linda will spur on her teammates with the utmost
enthusiasm, determination and quality banter points. Linda’s debationship
with her team will surely score points with her fellow Fennerites.
Things might get a bit argumentative as Linda and her team jostle with the
other colleges towards the finish line. She’s most certainly going to whip the
opposition! This House Believes that Linda will bring some quality competition
to IB 2015 and looks forward to cheering her on!
Olivia Williams
written by Dylan Karunaratne
Olivia Williams, also known as Liv, is the last person in this booklet to receive
a bio. Sorry Liv! Anyway Liv’s a beast, she does PhB Arts and stuff and is
totes good at cooking. As members of South Eight 2014, Liv and I share an
eternal bond, I hope this bond is enough for you to forgive me for this heinous
bio. In a division seven team already stacked with la femme mystique, Liv
packs a hell of a lot of grrl power. She also dabbles in scrabble. She’s not
very good, though. Liv, I’m going to be honest, 6 months ago the only type of
marathon you were doing was the one where you watch every episode of
Gossip Girl back to back. Since then, your absolute commitment to running
an ungodly amount of kilometres for the noble lie that is the concept of glory
is more than admirable. Expect Liv, and her Div Seven team, to bring
absolute glory to Fenner – or at least to illustrate why Johns’ should have
included more than 4 girls in their entire IB team.
Kathryn Eden
written by Bec Giles
PPE-Arts student Kathryn Eden, aged 19, all the way from Melbourne, is set to
take on IB this year. In her second year at ANU, but first year at Fenner, 2015
is Kathryn’s first attempt at running IB. IB may be tough but Kathryn is
tougher; liberal amounts of strapping tape and sheer determination seeing
her overcome such hurdles as rolling her ankle on an almost weekly basis in
trainings and a fear of the outdoors inspired by school camps. Kathryn’s
cunning in tricking her deciduous Bonsai tree, Momo, into thinking it was
autumn and shedding its leaves by keeping her curtains closed will stand her
in good stead to overcome any navigational obstacles that IB can throw at
her. The unexpected will also not deter Kathryn, her job in hospitality resulting
in her turning up to work to find herself serving drinks to naked women
reading erotica aloud. Her only weakness is her soft spot for bagel chips,
especially when Nutella is involved. When not running through the bush in the
dark you can also find Kathryn acting as a flower, a card and a lobster in
Fenner’s musical Alice in Wonderland or watching such TV shows as Orange
is the New Black and Game of Thrones.
Jemma Cavanagh
written by Linda Ma
Jemma is a triple threat: a good athlete; exceptionally intelligent; and mature
and calm under pressure. She had this all figured out back in year 9, when
most of us are engaged with an almighty fight with puberty and/or our high
school frenemy set. We played together on our old high school hockey team,
while Jemma was simultaneously making her name as an acrobatic gymnast,
performing for Gymnastics NSW. Somehow amid all the training she had to
do, Jemma came fifth in the NSW HSC for Society and Culture, proving for
once and all that intelligence and athleticism can coexist.
She may now have given up gymnastics but Fenner is the winner as a result.
Jemma has been super committed to Fenner’s IB squad, putting in good
performances at the Rogaine and at mock drops. In her other life, Jemma
decided to take on a Politics, Philosophy and Economics degree after taking
a year off to travel Europe and north Africa. She’s navigated her way across
the world so here’s hoping (at least I am) that she can navigate us to Division
7 victory this year!
“We <3 Oleg”
“We’re not slow, we’re just
enjoying the scenery”
“It doesn’t matter how slowly you
go, as long as you don’t stop
moving”
“That’s totally a trail”
“Fastest rock I’ve ever seen”