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A newsletter by
and for Caron
Renaissance
families
Dear family and friends:
Summer 2013 Issue
Time goes by too fast, and it is not until we consciously take a
moment to stop, and look behind us, that we remember where we have
started and just how far we have come. Some of us will look back and
feel content, and some will not. Others will see where they are heading
or where they need to venture. Nevertheless, we can be certain that each
step taken has kept the path well marked for the person behind us and,
ultimately has taken us that much further on our own journey.
Page 2
A Message To Families:
Here Today To Lend My
Experience
This issue of The Family Voice provides an opportunity to stop for a
moment and look back. Alumni from years gone by, the “long timers,”
have eagerly stepped up to share their experiences, hope and wisdom with
each of you, keeping the path marked and cleared for the next person.
Inside this issue you will come to know Arien as he shares his wisdom
to family members and Mark as he takes us on his life long journey
from hopeless to hopeful. Family alumna, Linda, will invite you to
join her in dreaming big. Share in the many heart-felt hellos from our
“long timers.” We’ve been inspired and believe you will be too.
Sincerely,
Mary, Yasmin and the Renaissance team
Page 3
An Alumnus’ Story:
More Than A Decade Later,
A Testament of Change
Pages 5-6
Sober Today: Longtimers,
Friends and Families Reflect
Page 7-8
Dream Big: Family Member
Makes Dream Come True
Page 9
Staff Spotlight:
Dr. Lourdes Chahin
Clinical Spotlight:
Speciality Group
Pages 10-11
Letters and Emails
Page 12
Caron Renaissance and
Caron Meetings List
Submissions for the Fall 2013 issue of The Family Voice are due by June 28th.
To make a submission, please visit www.caronrenaissance.org/submit-your-content-for-the-family-voice
A Message To Families: Here Today To Lend My Experience
By Arien H.
On December 28, 2007, on a warm winter day, I stepped
out from the car my sister and her husband had rented to
drive me to South Florida from Caron Pennsylvania. The
afternoon groups were just letting out and as I looked at
the amassed throng descending the stairs, my heart sank.
This was actually happening, and my silent prayers to
wake from this nightmare were going to go unanswered
after all. Thus, began my journey in recovery at Caron
Renaissance.
I would like to say that I experienced a dramatic
personality shift in the following weeks; I put in the work
I was asked to and grasped the solution that was being
presented to me. I internalized some valuable lessons
about myself and launched into a new manner of living.
Sadly, this was not the case. Instead, I became a poster
child of passive compliance, disregard for the therapeutic
program, and a complicit “victim” of familial enabling…
and eventually, I relapsed.
I’m not writing this because the program at Renaissance
doesn’t work or save many lives, because it truly does.
I write this to bring some hope to families of recent,
current and future patients who are on the receiving end
of disheartening reports of “no progress” -- I write this
to the families of those patients who seem determined
to callously discard this wonderful opportunity to have
a healthy and fruitful life. I write this mostly to those
families who struggle with the overwhelming and
unending desire to lovingly and futilely rescue their
children, siblings, spouses, and parents from the evil grips
of addiction.
As an alcoholic son, brother and significant other, who
caused so much harm to those who loved me, I have a
single message to you: Get better… get much better, and
do it for you and the rest of your family. I know this,
because during my time at Renaissance, my parents
refused to do one thing to help me. They refused to stop
enabling me; financially and emotionally.
After five months at Renaissance, I completed “no further
progress.” Having done little work on myself, I relapsed.
I got worse, never better, with each trip to detox that my
parents paid for, with each rent check graciously handed
to me, with each car insurance payment, and each long
distance cry for help which was always answered with
2
Summer 2013
my mother’s tears and money, in exchange for my false
promises to “really try to change this time.” It wasn’t until
my addiction had descended to new and terrible depths,
in full view of my family, that they finally realized the
true, horrifying insanity of who I had become. It was at
that point that I was finally cut loose. Although I didn’t
realize it at the time, I was finally open to receive the
greatest gifts I have ever gotten. Those wonderful benefits
of a Higher Power, responsibility, ego-deflation, and, most
importantly, a sobriety date: March 4, 2010.
As a new parent, I can imagine the suffering many of you
have endured; to be forced to watch the one person you
love most in the world hell-bent on self-destruction, and
seemingly happy to take you with them. Then to be told
that the only true help you can offer is to sit idly by, and
try to get yourself better. But, as an alcoholic, I can share
that in my personal experience I was simply unwilling to
change until I had no choice left but to change, and I have
changed.
Today, over five years after stepping out of that car a
selfish, angry, worthless drunk, I have a career; I am
a husband, father, sponsor, and active participant in
Renaissance’s After Care program. I love being sober,
and I love my family and my life. I beg you to take to
heart that alumni who have personal experience with
drugs, alcohol, insanity, selfishness, and all of those really
hurtful things your loved one has done, are still here. We
are happy to help your child, spouse, or loved one. All
they need to do is ask one of us. We have walked the dark
path of addiction and the intense suffering it causes to
both the addict and their families, and we have come out
the other side. In order to ensure we never return to this
nightmare, we must do everything we can to help those
still sick and suffering, and we are honestly glad to. We
are here for you, to lend you our experience and to let
you know that although you have encountered or may
encounter complaining phone calls or letters, the horror
of a relapse, pleas for money, anger for not being allowed
home, unbridled hatred, or any of a million other things
we have done in treatment and after… that we, who have
changed, have a message: We love you, and we appreciate
the hard decisions you are making. We assure you that
once sobriety is achieved, your actions, or inactions, as the
case may be, will be greatly appreciated by the ones you
are trying to help.
An Alumnus’ Story: More Than A Decade Later, A Testament of Change
By Mark F. (livin’ the life and luvin’ it)
When I was “out there,” I never had a problem identifying
as being an addict, but tell me I had a problem, and I soon
became your problem. I had all the antics, behaviors and
thinking of an addict long before I ever consumed any
substance.
Coming to this country at age nine and entering the NYC
public school system, I soon learned I had to fit in not
to stand out. This was a theme that stuck for the next 10
years of being a delinquent, a theme of being a chameleon.
I was afforded every opportunity. Having gone to gifted
and talented schools, I just never saw it as a challenge. I’d
rather have spent my time chasing girls, being cool and
getting “on” than putting my face in a book and earning
those A’s I was once known for.
Tragedy struck at age 13, and I never skipped an
opportunity to use that pain as fuel. Ditching school
became normal, so did drinking, and when drugs came
in to play they were here to stay. I did what they say we
do in meetings, I sought out my high through various
means. If you had it and I wanted it, I’d make the play
to make it mine. I never was successful at dealing - kind
of hard to do when your best customer is yourself and
you’re constantly smoking on credit. Gang banging was a
logical step, living in the inner city and associating myself
with all kinds of unsavory characters. If you weren’t about
what I was about, then you were just wasting my valuable
getting high time, and you were discarded. Many a good
friend fell victim to this thinking.
Minor run-ins with the law soon started. Then came
that fateful night, the one I now know had to happen. It
occurred one night while I was out on the prowl, whacked
out of my mind and seeking the means to continue the
party. I was never good at tying knots and my latest victim
brought the show to a close, amen. I woke up behind
bars not fully recalling the night’s events. Most of you are
familiar with this feeling. I wasn’t at all surprised to hear
the charges against me - I’d done worse before, right?
My mother now had a felon for a son. The look of
disappointment on her face when she came to the station
to pick me up is one that I will never forget. I’d never seen
it before and vowed to never see it again. We weren’t
poor, but we weren’t rich either, just your normal middle
class family. My mom, my hero, resourceful in her ways
having raised three kids mostly by herself, reached out to
a friend who was in a position to help. It was the kind of
help that Hollywood scripts are drawn from, the kind that
I will never forget.
My adopted godmother, Cindy, convinced the others
on the Board of Directors at the non-profit she worked
for to sponsor this boy from Brooklyn. The boy who she
believed so much in, so much so, that the best legal team
and rehab bill totaled somewhere in the six figures. Over
the next 10 months battling the case we watched as my
attorney and his smooth talk took the initial fifteen years
proposed to seven, five, three, then one, then one in the
county. He said it was the best he’d ever done against this
particular judge, whose granddaughter coincidentally,
graduated from the college where I’d just perpetrated
this grand crime the year before. He was tough and
I remember him saying that I was one of America’s
dumbest criminals. I took the deal. A year.
My journey was just starting. I had a few months before
I was to carry out this sentence and at my present pace
I would’ve either died or made things worse, so rehab
was prescribed. Two weeks detoxing in Katonah did me
good, but I’d barely scratched the surface. A brochure for
a program in this Melrose Place like setting was presented
to me, and immediately I was sold. South Florida - in mid
winter - why not bro? I came in late Saturday night, and
spent most of Sunday sleeping.
I was introduced to Robert Johnson that Monday. For the
next five and a half months, he used his skills and training
to help open my eyes and prepare this knucklehead
for incarceration. I credit him and the rest of the team
(clinical, admin and support) for showing me how to live;
they credit me with doing the work. I served eight and
a half months in what seemed like a blink of an eye and
with only one relapse in behavior, not use.
Behind bars, people try to test your resolve, and I was
never one to back down. My dad visited and asked me
“So, what did the other guy look like?” That was the last
time I had to knuckle up, and I don’t plan to come out of
retirement either.
Upon my release, I had found new freedom in more ways
than one, but found myself scared. I couldn’t stay in New
York. Everything I knew that wasn’t conducive to the life
I now wanted was there, so back to Delray I came. A little
out-patient was needed to freshen up the old therapeutic
thinking after having just resided in a cesspool of
negativity for a while.
I’ve been around the area for over a decade now, and
looking back, I know I made the right choice. I’ve spent
most of that time working in the field and have helped
hundreds, if not thousands, find their way, too. I’ve since
become a father, mini-me without a doubt. I became a US
Citizen, and I’ve recently been granted back those rights
I forfeited that fateful night and voted for the first time.
I have a family of my own, plus the one I was born into
and the one this program helped me build with so many
wonderfully twisted individuals (after all, some of us
addicts are a “sandwich or two” shy of a picnic). I’m a few
months away from earning a degree in Computer Science,
and my mother has a son of which she can be proud.
January 30, 2001 is my one and only clean date. Today I
can say proudly that I am an addict, and my problem is
Mark.
Summer 2013
3
The Best Advice I Received from a Caron Renaissance Therapist
Two things stand out in my mind as “the best advice” I got from a Renaissance therapist. One was to
voice my confidence in my son, that he could handle a situation. I did not have confidence in him at the
time, so I actually wrote that advice on a piece of paper and practiced saying it. When he called and
sounded uncertain about how to handle something, I remembered that phrase and said it to him, and I
could sense him taking ownership of the solution and feeling better about himself.
The other helpful advice was to write and suggest he stay in Delray Beach after finishing treatment.
He turned the suggestion around and wrote us that he was thinking of staying there for a while and
not coming home. That pronouncement shifted my gears away from being a helicopter parent. It’s been
three years now, and we are all happy. We have a wonderful relationship. I often give that advice to
other parents whose children are new in recovery.
­~ Sarah M.
“On Children” from The Prophet By Khalil Gibran
~ Submitted by J&J Garcia
And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, “Speak to us of Children.”
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
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Summer 2013
Sober Today: Longtimers ~ Friends and Families Reflect
17 YEARS… I was brought to Renaissance at age 19. I
to stop, and I did. How? I listened to my true self, got off
had no desires except to get high, party and fight. I was a
‘em and got healthy again. This sort of thing unfortunately
tough one. I just wanted to die.
happens. Life is not perfect,
roses don’t always smell great
Night one: a Sunday group
and the sky sometimes seems
meeting with Robert Johnson.
endlessly ominous. So listen to
He glared at me and said,
your positive voice, and find
“New?” My legs were crossed,
the glimpses of greatness. I pick
crawling from withdrawals. He
myself up every time because
said, “Heroin?” I answered,
of what I learned from Mary
“YUP!” The meeting went on. I
Davis and Renaissance. Every
only remember him asking us to
time I visit Florida, I stop into
look to your left and your right
and then saying that only one of you will make it.
Renaissance with hugs. My
parents are forever grateful that they were part of this
I was very quiet and very sick. Then, I met the toughest
process. Because of Renaissance I have a great life, not
therapist there, Mary Davis. You couldn’t get anything
perfect, but I am a fearless and strong woman. They
past her. I was so full of it. I tried to lie and manipulate,
turned a useless life in to a life of usefulness.
and she had no part of it. She called me out on everything,
~ Melissa ‘96
yet taught me so much. I was terrified. I finally broke
down and fessed up to everything I had ever done (that’s
a book).
14 YEARS…Rich Craig took everything I said and turned
So, how to sum up what happened over a span of 18
it upside down. Anticipating and confronting every
years: I was 19, now I am 36. I am the one who is still here!
I had no relationship with my parents, now they are my
biggest allies and supporters. There is so much respect
and love between us. I am married to a wonderful guy.
Renaissance taught me I am smart, artistic and highly
behavior, he guided us toward truth with a loving heart.
Thank you for this opportunity to reach out and reconnect
with the group of people who shared this profound
experience. Love to all.
~ Linton, Nov. 99
ambitious.
Always the fighter, I never give up. I went to college
and graduated with honors and three degrees. I am an
artist and also a voice actor in NYC. There is so much
more out there you don’t even know while you’re inside
Renaissance. If you are a family member on the outside
with a loved one inside, know they are in a safe place.
Everything that you learn goes into a toolbox that stays
with you. I broke my shoulder in three places and tore
every muscle surrounding my rotator cuff which was then
followed by a complicated repair surgery. The pain was
excruciating. I was on pain pills, and then I realized I had
been taking them for over a year. A year! I was pissed,
but I wasn’t the same 19-year-old girl. So I knew I needed
SEVEN YEARS…Having now read several issues of The
Family Voice and being so moved by the many essays and
letters that families and loved ones have submitted, I felt
compelled to submit our story. It was more than seven
years ago, the day before Thanksgiving, that we dropped
our son off at Caron Pennsylvania in Wernersville. I had
many feelings that day, none of which were thankfulness.
What I didn’t know, of course, was that our son was
more than ready for a change in his life, and that Caron
would direct him to and through that change. His stay
at Caron ended just before Christmas (yet another sad
family holiday) when he was then sent to Renaissance
(continued on next page)
Summer 2013
5
Sober Today: Longtimers ~ Friends and Families Reflect
in Boca Raton for extended care. It was at Renaissance
on us. This gathering is a celebration of our family, and
where he continued to mature and gain more insight into
we thank Caron for helping us get to this day.
what he wanted his life to become. It was also the time to
~ Greg R.
begin rebuilding family and personal relationships that
continue to this day. Our son never returned to our home
to live, but began his own sober life, full of optimism
for a successful career and a loving and committed
relationship. I can honestly say that I am thankful to
Caron Renaissance for giving our son his life back, and
for direction and making family such an important part
of recovery.
~ Colleen and John S.
SIX YEARS…Six years ago I entered Renaissance as
a little girl who didn’t want to grow up. I clung to my
demons because it was easier to be lost than to face my
problems. Renaissance broke through my walls and
helped me shape myself into a grown woman who is
confident in my abilities to do well in life. My therapist
was one of the most influential people I will ever meet.
She found her way into my heart, and I am forever
grateful to her for truly saving me. Renaissance genuinely
cares, it’s something you can feel when you walk through
their doors. I felt at home there, because, in all honesty,
Renaissance brought me home. I am home, I am a wife
and a mother and a sister and a daughter. I am here
because of Renaissance. Thank you!
~ Letta
FIVE YEARS…Next week our entire family will be
gathering in Delray Beach to celebrate the day, five
years ago, our daughter decided to put an end to a
life driven by addiction. Through the guidance of
Caron Renaissance, our daughter learned to heal and
understand that she could live a life without drugs. We,
as a family, learned to stop enabling, and with Caron’s
help learned to heal and understand the toll it had taken
6
Summer 2013
FOUR YEARS…My son came to Caron in July of 2009 for
his first (of several) rehab stays. I was told by the staff that
he was one of the tougher stubborn clients they’d seen. He
was close to being kicked out for several rule stretching
incidents but managed to hang in. Little did I know that
my sweet son that played in the back yard had turned
into a sly drug addict with years of successful lying and
covering up behind him with more years to go. I brought
and filled two pads worth of notes during the parents
stay week so that I would not forget the important
messages I was given. While my son bounced into several
other sober homes, rehabs and hospitals for the next two
years, I tried to follow the main theme of Caron’s leaders:
don’t get in the way of their consequences, do not be an
enabler, and the best one for me, join Al-Anon. I became
friendly with one of the other moms at Caron that week,
and we’re still friends four years later. This is a great gift
in our lives. My son hit his bottom in December 2011 and
has been sober ever since. He’s re-enrolled in college and
has a 4.0 average. The Caron program gave him the first
inkling that he had a disease, but he tried to prove them
wrong for the next 24 months. With him experiencing
several overdoses, evictions and times of homelessness,
I was close to giving up hope. My Al-Anon group and
the newsletters from Caron kept me going during my
toughest moments. Some of the simplest messages of
the program are the most powerful: Nothing changes
if nothing changes. I had to make the change to cut off
contact with my son and live through days when I could
barely breathe, unsure if he was alive or not. Caron was
the lightning rod for our family to realize just how far
my son’s addiction had taken him, and it was also the
place where I started to become whole again and focus on
myself. Caron’s knowledge makes everyone realize we’re
in it together and not alone. I will always be grateful for
their program. As long as your loved one is alive, do not
give up hope. They can change in a heartbeat, but we
have to change our behavior, too. I am a new person,
almost like a new mom, filled with joy and hope.
~ New mom
Dream Big: Family Member Makes Dream Come True
By Linda Quirk
Almost nine years have gone by since our family first stepped into the lobby of
Caron Renaissance. In looking back, something I occasionally do to remember where
we have come from, I can’t help but acknowledge just how fortunate we have been.
Our family’s journey into “recovery” has not been easy, but with the continued
support from Caron Renaissance, we are still learning how to navigate the emotional
and, at times, self-inflicted pitfalls associated with co-dependence and the disease of
addiction. The old saying that “Time heals old wounds” can play out in real life just
as the tempo from a musical tune … there are highs, lows and crescendos. Sometimes
the correct rhythm isn’t realized until we slow down, take stock of what we have
learned and allow ourselves to put the past behind us and move forward. While
writing this I couldn’t help but think about how I felt the other day while I was
visiting Caron Renaissance. I remembered and remarked how strange but wonderful
it felt to be comfortable and at home. There was a sense of calmness that came over
me, partly because I knew that inside their walls, we were able to open- up, cry,
hurt and heal. Those walls held my husband and I up when we felt we couldn’t
stand-alone. We have come a long way in the past nine years and continue to work on the importance of living our lives
knowing that we are not in control of our children’s choices or lives. Sometimes we falter, those old tunes playing louder
than the new ones. However, we can’t lose sight of how tremendously blessed and fortunate we are to have our entire
family healthy.
Giving back, how exactly can one repay what we have been given? We chose to dream big, think beyond our perceived
limitations and create what has now become a worldwide movement called Runwell.com. Its genesis began from my
personal passion for running, turning it into a catalyst for change. I knew that the running community, when organized,
could be extremely powerful. I believed that coupled with the incredible wellness benefits the sport has to offer, running
can be a positive platform that can encourage people to not only stay committed to living positive lives, but it can teach
them to be role models for others struggling with addictions. I believed that together, we could stimulate a viable, worldwide discussion about the disease of addiction and promote the promise of recovery while also raising much needed
funding for treatment scholarships. Runwell’s mission is dedicated to inspiring individuals around the world to lead
healthy and active lifestyles. It believes partnering sports with addiction treatment helps to keep individuals and their
support bases committed to recovery. The foundation focuses on funding existing scholarship programs and supportbased training facilities that involve the entire family, as Runwell strongly believes addiction is seldom won alone.
We all have the capacity to “Dream Big” and the persistence to follow
through. My questions to anyone reading this are: “What are you
passionate about? What are you willing to take on? Who can you help
in their time of need? Will you take the torch and carry the message
of recovery?” My hope is that you will take the time to visit Runwell.
com and consider stepping outside your comfort zone and registering
for one of our many events. We will help you every step of the way
with expert coaching, nutritional advice and a network of individuals
to keep you motivated. Not only will you be doing something
for yourself, but you will be giving back to Caron Renaissance’s
scholarship program and giving someone else the chance for a life in
recovery. Runwell is a community of runners “Changing Lives … One
Footprint at a Time!”
(continued on next page)
Summer 2013
7
Dream Big: Family Member Makes Dream Come True
Runwell’s Grant Program
How Runwell Works
Runwell’s grant program supports Caron
Fundraising goals vary by event, and
athletes seek sponsorship donations
from friends and family as they
train for their races. Runwell offers
unprecedented support including:
• Personalized online donation pages
• Virtual coaching from former U.S.
Olympic runner Keith Brantly
• Nutritional advice and planning
from U.S. Olympic Sports Dietician
Bob Seebohar
• Custom-made Runwell team-wear
and other goodies
with funding for treatment scholarships.
Alumni, family members and friends
can run for Caron, and even better, for
themselves! The foundation’s goal is to
provide hope to individuals and their
families as they work to overcome the
devastating effects of drug and alcohol
addictions, as well as to promote health
and wellness and the promise of recovery.
MORE ON RUNWELL
http://tinyurl.com/ov22wfm
Runwell is a 501(c) 3 non-profit organization dedicated to
empowering those affected by addiction to obtain treatment
and engaging entire families in the recovery process. The
foundation focuses on funding existing scholarship programs
and financially assisting support-based training programs that
offer effective treatment, increasing accessibility to all. The
foundation awarded a total of $92,500 in grants in 2012.
8
Summer 2013
During 2012, Runwell partnered with more than a dozen
organized running events, from local 5Ks to ultramarathons (including the ING New York City Marathon
and Racing the Planet’s 4 Desert series). 2013 brings more
fun, including TNF Endurance Challenge Washington
D.C. Event and the New York City Triathlon which marks
the foundation’s first multi-sport event.
For more information please visit www.Runwell.com
Staff Spotlight:
Dr. Lourdes Chahin
~ Submitted by Kelly Husak of
Slatkow and Husak Public Relations
Caron Renaissance is pleased to welcome Dr. Lourdes
Chahin to its Medical team. A psychiatrist sub specializing
in children and young adults, Dr. Chahin joins Dr. Campo
and Dr. Evans in providing
Addiction Medicine services to
Caron Renaissance patients.
Dr. Chahin’s philosophy
has always been that each
patient and their family is
unique. Calling herself a
detective, she takes the time
to comprehensively learn
a patient’s full history, listen carefully to all of their
concerns and build trust gradually, offering medications
only when absolutely necessary.
“The family is where it all begins,” said Dr. Chahin.
“The Caron Renaissance mantra of ‘the patient is the family
and the family is the patient’ is perfectly aligned with the
way I have always practiced. As the mother of three
grown sons, I know first-hand the impact of family. It is
incredibly rewarding for me to be doing this important
work.”
A Boca Raton resident transplanted after seven years of
working with an underserved foster care and indigent
population in Georgia, Dr. Chahin is a passionate foodie
and gardener who loves the ocean, her family and Lucy,
her Maltese.
“I’m so happy here,” she said. “I enjoy working with this
exceptional team and I learn from them every day.”
Clinical Spotlight:
Specialty Group
Gambling, Hoarding, Shopping, Debting
~ Submitted by Jennifer Alfert, MSW, NCGC -II
Primary Therapist at Caron Renaissance
We sometimes subject ourselves to potential selfdestructive behavior. Depending on the individual, this
behavior can be relatively harmless. In other cases, it may
be the beginning of a disabling pattern such as gambling,
stealing, overspending or hoarding.
Going to an amusement park, clipping triple coupons, or
collecting stamps may be enough for one person to satisfy
their needs. For others, high stakes poker, hiding items
on the bottom of the shopping cart, having a closet full of
clothing with the tags still on or unnecessarily collecting
boxes of old wires may be the end result of some of once
harmless behaviors.
When one bets money or something of value on an event
of uncertain outcome, they are gambling. Nearly 85% of
US adults have participated in some form of gambling
(National Council on Problem Gambling, 2013).
Is “sampling” a grape in the supermarket the same as
stealing a car? Would you consider one stealing and the
other a gray area? Over 10% (30 million) of Americans
shoplift or steal (The Shulman Center Estimate, 2011).
Is buying something on sale a problem if one does
not need it but really wanted it? This is a gray area of
behavior. 6% (17 million) of Americans are compulsive
buyers (Stanford University Landmark Study, 2006).
Is keeping the past 10 years of New York Magazine for
posterity wrong? This is yet another gray area. Hoarding
is effecting an estimated 6-15 million Americans as well
(Time Magazine, 2010).
These addictions and compulsions have been on the rise
and hoarding is now included in the DSM-5 (Diagnostic
and Statistical Manual - Fifth Edition). We felt compelled
to have a specialty group to hone in on these specific
issues and subcategories. With the proper therapy, an
individual can change these destructive behaviors and
manage their lives in a much more successful way.
For more information, please contact Jennifer Alfert,
MS, NCGC-II, Compulsive Theft, Spending & Hoarding
Trained at The Shulman Center at [email protected].
Summer 2013
9
Letters and Emails...
Hi Jen,
Dear Davida,
nths and heading
w. I am sober 10 mo
no
ll
we
lly
rea
g
in
e more
I am do
est (I decided to tak
this fall at the earli
ll
sti
back to Dartmouth
e
d and I ar
ogram). My boyfrien
pr
my
on
us
foc
d
just a few
time an
year medallion in
picking up his one
t
together, and he is
ap
er in an artmen
He and I live togeth
p!
ou
gr
me
ho
r
ou
y.
weeks at
each other’s sobriet
very motivating for
to be
ed
in Boston, and are
iev
I am so rel
rth step now, and
fou
my
up
g
pin
ap
with six
I am wr
wonderful woman
! My sponsor is a
getting it over with
on
erful relati ship.
e and I have a wond
sh
d
an
y,
iet
br
so
nths
years of
medallion a few mo
r with her six year
a
th
I just presented he
wi
le’s meeting
(it’s a young peop
p
ou
gr
me
ho
r
ou
ago at
erful place!).
briety… it’s a wond
so
of
nt
ou
am
od
surprisingly go
just
some reason, and I
t you this week for
. I am
ida
I was thinking abou
or
Fl
I was in
your support while
for
u
yo
k
an
th
to
wanted
d of you, too!
ther is also very fon
mo
my
d
an
u,
yo
for
very grateful
On the secon
d anniversary
of our son’s
functioning
life as a high
adult, I just
ly
w
anted to let yo
are all fine an
u know that
d doing well.
we
Our son is w
for a financi
orking in L.A
al services co
.
mpany and is
is very focuse
working hard
d. He has real
and
ly matured an
hear him talk
d if you wou
about busines
ld
s and numbe
you would n
rs and factor
ot believe this
s,
was a kid who
algebra. He
had trouble
has lost addi
with
ti
on
al weight an
thriving. Bu
d
seems to be
t there is not
a day that go
think about
es by that I do
where we wer
n’t
e
two years ag
for all of you
o and thank
r guidance an
yo
u
d help with ou
family. There
r son and ou
are still times
r
that he tries
helping him
to coerce me
financially, bu
into
t
he
knows that he
on his own.
has to do it
Marc is my
mentor who
tells me to be
keeps me tou
a good paren
gh and
t. I hope this
well. Again,
note finds yo
thanks for al
u
l of your supp
I believe it w
ort. By the w
as a very posi
ay
,
tive thing fo
out of the dr
r our son to
ug commun
m
ov
e
ity in Florida
community
and into a n
to start over
ew
.
:-)
ch
I just wanted to tou
er time! For now,
lat
a
at
se
ba
ch
tou
ar
I will
d and I e
Florida. My boyfrien
in
ll
we
is
all
pe
ho
out
base briefly. I
er, and we talked ab
Florida this summ
in
ily
fam
his
ng
and
visiti
uld love to stop in
well. If we do, I wo
visiting Delray as
see you!
With love,
Molly S.
-- A.B.
We wan
t
to hear
from yo
Please
u!
send yo
ur upda
about l
tes
ife afte
r
C
a
r
on
Renais
sance t
o
ydovas
@caron
.org
ner in which you
e professional man
th
d
an
d I am
s
ice
rv
se
NAISSANCE, an
you both for your
ended CARON RE
att
n
so
y
I wanted to thank
m
l
y wife and I,
m
efu
at
th
m, and to bo
roles. I am gr
hi
ur
to
yo
t
ed
uc
id
nd
ov
co
pr
d
u
nalism yo
perform an
to live my life
care and professio
myself, but how
t,
t
or
ou
eff
ab
e,
ly
on
tim
t
e
th
no
hers.
both of you,
appreciative of
ugh the lives of ot
ed so much from
nd actions) or thro
e months. I learn
(a
e
re
lif
th
t
s
hi
las
h
e
th
ug
ro
er
ov
ithout living it th
, and I
of its blessings w
and his emotions
and celebrate all
lings, his maturity
fee
s
hi
e,
nces
lif
s
de
n’
nfi
so
co
pact on my
y build the
iety, and to slowl
ficantly positive im
br
ni
so
sig
s
a
hi
e
ue
ad
in
m
nt
u
Yo
e strength to co
d provides him th
pray daily that Go
a great
per and prevail.
rvant to others is
within him to pros
ns, and being a se
sio
es
of
pr
of
t
es
That is the nobl
d care for others.
others.
You both serve an
“gift of giving” to
d my
ank you for your
th
d
an
at
th
uted to my son an
ire
m
gift. I ad
meant and contrib
ve
ha
u
yo
ng
hi
k you for everyt
h, but again than
I will stay in touc
r.
family.
te to your Directo
ly forward this no
nd
ki
n,
io
iss
rm
dorsement and pe
With my strong en
Tempany, Brad,
My very best,
Charles
10
Summer 2013
Letters and Emails...
think; for
ways to actually
k about and new
in
th
to
h
. It is
uc
m
us
ac
You gave
ds, but her tions
ibly enlightening.
not only her wor
s
ed
cr
wa
in
It
.
re
e
er
we
ht
ug
ys
bu
from our da
re present, t th
These past few da
rned a great deal
ions when you we
lea
ss
o
se
e
als
th
e
g
W
l.
rin
ry
efu
du
at
that ve
id or did
that we are very gr
I assure you, I say
about what she sa
is astounding but,
at it was not just
ss
th
re
te
og
no
pr
to
a process,
er
nt
is
H
.
is
rta
th
ew
also impo
not in vi
and that
en when you were
lightly. We underst
ev
ge
t
sa
go
phy
es
we
m
ge
ur
sa
yo
e
es
itted to th philoso
do not take
very clear m
pears to be comm
t you tell us, and
ap
ha
e
w
Sh
to
g.
ly
in
se
g.
rn
in
clo
lea
rn
is
been lea
what she
guardedly. I listen
nce what we have
that she is living
slope, but we see
area will only enha
y
is
er
th
pp
in
sli
p
ry
ou
gr
ve
t
a
and
e more
naissance suppor
ly, it gave us som
d so are we. A Re
any levels. Selfish
m
on
us
r
of the program, an
fo
ult
n
io
ad
r
to see ou
e right decis
e proved to be th
us an opportunity
m
ve
ho
ga
it
i’s
,
bb
at
th
Ra
e
an
th
th
at
my’ to herself,
nd. More
Going to Shabbat
enjoy being arou
side, pulling ‘mom
s’
we
y’
at
m
th
om
er
ht
‘m
ug
to
g
da
the
r own.
clingin
time to spend with
ult. There was no
a community of he
and supported in
her adults as an ad
e,
ot
bl
ith
pa
w
ca
g
t,
r. I could
tin
ten
be
ac
pe
so
ter
hter is com
g clean and
daughter in
of 90 days of bein
eing that our daug
s
se
t
es
cc
ou
su
ab
ow
n
s
wa
ow
r
It
u
he
owledge
t I want yo to kn
or berating dad.
d voluntarily ackn
hat she is doing bu
an
w
e
lf,
se
rse
u
he
yo
r
of
fo
ow
s
te
rd
kn
ca
and ca
cause I
We saw her advo
‘tags’ of sobriety
I want to share, be
y showed me her
est message I got
dl
ou
ud
lo
pr
e
er
Th
ded that
ht
.
on
ug
on
sp
da
d
re
go on an
slower. My
cards. She
gh maybe a little
me inspirational
so
ou
th
nd
r,
o,
se
to
to
g,
e
in
m
w
rn
ed
she carried ith he
she want
that I am lea
her. I asked her if
at these items that
th
ith
s
w
wa
es
e
rri
rs of
m
ca
de
to
e
y
in
sh
m
sa
ns and re
t I heard her
inspiration that
were representatio
ey
dn’t need to. Wha
di
Th
I
r.
at
he
th
,
to
ok
n
ou
ve
be
ey were gi
ow we have r
although it might
em, not because th
some hope and kn
th
ith
ed
w
e
rn
ea
an
e
pl
sh
at
e
th
caus
got on
were important be
eedless to say, we
n achievements. N
ow
r
he
d
an
k
or
her hard w
e helping her.
ll, and that you ar
us.
we
as
s,
es
oc
pr
a
work cut out for
part of
d her boyfriend is
some hope for a
the issue of her an
d
an
rst
de
un
to
e
lves. This gives us
rse
ou
ge
an
ch
I also have com
to
lping us
rience, and for he
ur wisdom, expe
yo
r
fo
h
uc
m
.
so
er
ht
Thank you
hip with our daug
d healthy relations
mutually loving an
Abe and Davida,
Best,
too)
Laurie (and Dan,
Ed,
re still at
re if you a
d
I am not su
you are an
ce. I hope
Renaissan
are happy!
I hope you
th
ndrew’s 4
celebrate A
e
w
y
a
d
o
T
!!
of sobriety
anniversary
nyone who
this with a
re
a
sh
se
a
Ple
ber my
may remem
o
h
w
e
er
is still th
son!!
wonderful
OU!
THANK Y
om PA
Polly L. fr
Hello Robert,
I was a patien
t at Renaissan
ce back in the
sure if you re
late 1990’s on
member me or
two separate
no
t. I know you
occasions. I am
years. I have
have helped co
not
looked at the
untless people
Renaissance w
in the past 15
are the only on
eb
si
te
ov
er
th
es that I still
e years and yo
recognize. I ho
ur name alon
my days in yo
pe that means
g with Sid
ur treatment
you are doing
ce
nt
er
well. I think ab
qu
ite often and
being that thos
out
with fond mem
e were some of
ories...quite su
the most diffi
with grueling
rprising
cult days of m
groups with th
y life, especial
e likes of Mik
ly having to de
did not stay cl
e McNally. I
al
ean after leav
am
sorry to say th
ing Renaissan
at even though
myself and m
ce
,
I
cr
ed
it you with gi
y own attitud
I
ving me more
es and behavi
at the 12 othe
ors, as well as
insight into
r treatment ce
th
e
co
re of my diseas
nters I was fo
e than I ever go
rtunate enough
t
Prison was th
to
m
ake it to.
e backbreaker
fo
r
m
e.
T
hey talk abou
I am married
t the progress
again to a love
ion, they aren
ly woman who
be married fo
’t kidding.
found the prog
ur years this
ra
m
sh
Tu
ortly before I
es
day. Even thou
here, I am grat
did. We will
gh it has take
eful for today.
n 15 years an
Robert you w
d
th
ways when yo
en
some to get
ere so kind an
u needed to be
d compassiona
. You are trul
te, yet firm in
gets to be in yo
y
a
gi
ft
your
ed
and special hu
ur life, even fo
man being. A
r a moment, is
all is well in su
ny
re
on
ceiving a gift
e who
nny South Fl
from their Hig
orida. We are
her Power. I ho
I would like to
still trying to
pe
keep in touch
shake off winte
if you have th
r up here in N
Matter Wha
e time and th
Y
.
t!
e desire. God
Bless You. N
o
Sincerely You
rs,
Russell M.
Summer 2013
11
Caron Renaissance Family Support Groups
Caron Renaissance Family Support Groups are designed to encourage and provide a place for ongoing support for families
who participate in a loved one’s treatment at Caron Renaissance.
The Caron Renaissance Family Support Groups are led by Caron Renaissance family members and serve local families
as needed. More detailed information about each group is listed online at www.caronrenaissance.org/alumni/supportgroup/caron-renaissance-family-support-group.
Palm Beach County, FL
Every Tuesday
and open on the last Tuesday
of every month
Morris County, NJ
2nd and last Thursday
of each month
Bergen County, NJ
2nd and last Wednesday
of each month
Caron Renaissance Family Support Groups are coming to New York City next!
Caron Fellowship Groups
Caron Fellowship Groups are similar to 12-Step meetings in that Caron alumni and families meet to support their ongoing
recovery using an agreed-upon meeting format. Below are lists of ongoing Fellowship Groups. More detailed information
about each group is listed online at www.caronrenaissance.org/alumni/support-group/caron-fellowship-groups.
Berks County, PA
2nd Tuesday of each month
Henderson, KY
1st Thursday and 1st Saturday
of each month
Boca Raton, FL
(Students in Recovery)
Every Tuesday
Long Island, NY
4th Tuesday of each month
Boston, MA Area
2nd Wednesday of each month
New York, NY
3rd Wednesday of each month
Dallas, TX Area
2nd Tuesday of each month
Central NJ Area
1st Tuesday of each month
Finger Lakes, NY
3rd Saturday of each month
Northern VA Area
4th Thursday of each month
Philadelphia, PA
3rd Wednesday of each month
Princeton, TX
3rd Tuesday of each month
Washington, D.C.
1st Thursday of each month
Westchester, NY
Quarterly
Westport, CT
3rd Tuesday of each month
Caron Parent Support Groups
Parent Support Groups are designed to give parents, whose children have been impacted by addiction, a place to find
support and encouragement. Below is a list of ongoing Parent Support Groups. More detailed information about each
group is listed online at www.caronrenaissance.org/alumni/support-group-parent-support-groups.
Bergen County, NJ
Every Tuesday
Long Island, NY
Every Monday
Boston, MA 1st Thursday of each month
Northern VA Area
4th Thursday of each month
Lehigh Valley, PA
Every Thursday
Plymouth Meeting, PA
Every Monday
Limerick, PA
Every Wednesday
Reading, PA Area
2nd and 4th Sundays
of each month
Southern NJ Area
2nd and 4th Tuesdays
of each month
Washington, D.C. Area
1st and 3rd Thursdays
of each month
West Chester, PA Every Tuesday
If you need support and would like to talk to alumni of Caron Renaissance,
please contact Yasmin Dovas at [email protected].
12
Summer 2013