1. business and industrial
2. business operations
3. business plans

New York State Council on
Divorce Mediation
32nd Annual Conference
Mediation Skills: Digging Deeper
April 30th– May 2nd, 2015
Renaissance Westchester Hotel, West Harrison, New York
Thursday April 30th
11:00 to 12:00 Registration Desk Open
12:00 to 1:00
Lunch
1:30 to 5:30
Pre-Conference Presentation*
New Ways for Mediation™: More Structure, More Skills and Less Stress
Presenter:
Bill Eddy, JD, LCSW, CFLS
New Ways for Mediation is a tightly-structured, simple process for mediating disputes. It focuses on the teaching
and reinforcement of simple skills for the clients to use throughout the process. This approach emphasizes the role of
the mediator as “guide” – much more directive about the process and much less directive about the actual decisions the
parties should make. It is a very client-centered approach.
The mediator provides a few simple skills for the parties to repeatedly apply in more actively asking questions,
gathering information and making proposals, while the mediator more actively provides education and options for the
parties to consider. Storytelling about past behavior is stopped and discussions of emotional issues are firmly discouraged, based on the belief that these issues are irresolvable for many people and simply reinforce their intransigence.
However, throughout this process, the mediator calmly demonstrates empathy, respect and neutrality for both
parties, despite angry outbursts, surprise events, tears and rigid positions. The intended result is that the parties have
less need to defend themselves, they work harder at finding solutions, and they are more committed to their own
decisions.
New Ways for Mediation was developed by Bill Eddy, President of the High Conflict Institute.
*Separate Registration Required (see registration form for details)
6:00 to 7:00
Opening Reception
Meet and greet new friends, reconnect with
old friends (Hors d’oeuvres, Cash Bar)
7:00 to 9:00
Dinner and Awards; Meet our Keynote, Bill Eddy, JD, LCSW, CFLS
William A. ("Bill") Eddy IS CO-FOUNDER AND PRESIDENT OF HIGH CONFLICT INSTITUTE, LLC, IN San
Diego, California, AND Senior Family Mediator at the National Conflict Resolution Center in San Diego, California. He is
a Certified Family Law Specialist in California with over FIFTEEN years’ experience representing clients in family court.
Prior to becoming an attorney in 1992, he was a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with twelve years’ experience providing
therapy to children, adults, couples and families in psychiatric hospitals and outpatient clinics.
Bill taught Negotiation and Mediation at the University of San Diego School of Law for six years, as well as a
course in Interviewing and Counseling Difficult Clients. He provides seminars on mental health issues for attorneys,
judges and mediators, and seminars on law and ethics for mental health professionals. His articles have appeared in
national law and counseling journals.
He is the author of several books, including HIGH CONFLICT PEOPLE IN LEGAL DISPUTES , and SPLITTING:
Protecting Yourself While Divorcing a Borderline or Narcissist . A full list of Bill's books, CDs, and DVDs can be found on
the High Conflict Institute website. Bill has become an international speaker on the subject of high-conflict personalities,
providing seminars to attorneys, mediators, collaborative law professionals, judges, ombudspersons and others.
He obtained his law degree in 1992 from the University of San Diego, a Master of Social Work degree in 1981 from San
Diego State University, and a Bachelors degree in Psychology in 1970 from Case Western Reserve University. He began his career as a youth social worker in a changing neighborhood in New York City in 1970, and first became involved
in mediation in 1975 in San Diego. He considers conflict resolution the theme of his varied career.
Friday May 1st
8:00 to 9:00
Breakfast
Session 1.3:
Presenters:
Case Consultations
(sign up in advance at registration desk)
8:30 to 10:00
Registration Desk Open
9:00 to 10:30
Session 1
Session 1.1:
Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm
(BIFF) Responses
Bill Eddy, JD, LCSW, CFLS
Presenter:
Hostile emails, letters and other communications have
grown into a huge problem in our society and especially
in today’s divorces. Yet there is a simple method of
responding which clients enjoy learning and can apply
fairly quickly: communications that are Brief, Informative,
Friendly and Firm (BIFF). Mediators and other
professionals can coach clients in learning this simple
method in a matter of minutes. This 90-minute session
will provide training on how to coach your clients on this
method, including practice exercises. It is based on Bill
Eddy’s book: BIFF: Quick Responses to High Conflict
People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social
Media Meltdowns (Second Edition, 2014).
Session 1.2:
Presenter:
You Got Your First Call, Now What!!
Ada L. Hasloecher
Whether you are a new mediator or have been practicing
for a while, that initial call from a potential new client is
rife with so many questions. Of course, we want to make
the most of this first call and say just enough to
encourage them to book a session with us. This session
will address the following:
 Do I call them back right away (don’t want them to
think I’m anxious for business)?
 When I get them on the phone, what exactly do I say
and how do I say it?
 How many questions should I answer on the phone
without the other spouse’s involvement?
 What if they start asking me about my fees and the
cost for the mediation?
 How do I address their “legal” questions?
 How do I handle their “story”?
 Do I offer a face to face consultation to meet with
them together or do I consult on the phone speaking
with them separately?
The responses to these and oh, so many other questions
will be addressed in this very interactive workshop. Role
plays will be involved. Don’t be afraid!
Using Technology in a
Mediation Practice
Barbara Stark, JD
Karlene Mitchell, MBA, CDS
Just a few short years ago email was something many of
us did not have or use on a regular basis. Now few of us
could operate a mediation practice without an email
address or the internet. This session will discuss how
technology can help a mediator provide a better and
more efficient service to our clients. Included will be a
discussion on using software programs, the web and
computers to help us efficiently manage our practices and
serve our clients.
10:30 to 11:00 Break
11:00 to 12:30 Plenary 1
Getting to Yes for Children and Families
Presenter:
JoAnne Pedro Caroll, Ph.D.
One of the first questions parents ask themselves when
considering divorce is: what about the kids—will they be
ok? As professionals working with families, we want the
answer to be a resounding “Yes”. But too often the reality
is: it depends. This plenary will focus on how we can
help parents “stack the deck” for success in getting to
yes. This presentation will emphasize various paths
toward positive outcomes for children and families,
including long term studies of mediation and current
innovative practice.
12:30 to 2:00
Lunch and Annual Meeting
2:00 to 3:30
Session 2
Session 2.1:
Putting Children First:
Developmental Parenting Plans
JoAnne Pedro Caroll, Ph.D.
Presenter:
One of the most important and most challenging aspects
of our work is guiding parents to create parenting plans
tailored to their children’s needs and developmental level.
Recent and hotly debated controversies have swirled
around the question of overnights for infants and young
children, leaving even the most experienced
professionals wondering what is “right” in each situation.
This workshop will focus on understanding what sound
research “really” says is in children’s best interests.
Guidelines for making decisions about parenting plans
and schedules will be described, based on current
research and tailored to children’s developmental needs-a “must” for every practitioner!
Session 2.2:
Presenters:
Co-mediating in a Divorce
Mediation Practice
Jill Sanders-DeMott, Esq.
Al Frankel, LMSW
Saturday May 2nd
8:00 to 9:00
Breakfast
Case Consultations
(sign up in advance at registration desk)
In this workshop we shall discuss the co-mediation model
and how it works. The presenters have been
co-mediating together since 1992 – both trained in
Divorce Mediation and also practicing as a
psychotherapist and attorney when not mediating. The
workshop will focus on how the team approach differs
from the single practitioner approach and
will demonstrate some of its advantages. The dynamics
of gender balance and the influence that our respective
professional backgrounds lend to the process will be
addressed. We will also discuss different practice
strategies such as caucusing, debriefing after sessions,
etc. Practical issues of team mediation such as structure
of the process, roles of the mediators and fees will also
be discussed. Vignettes will be presented to illustrate the
dynamics of the co-mediation team.
9:00 to 10:30
Session 3
Session 3.1:
How Divorce Affects Social Security &
Disability Income
Rita Medaglio-Barrera, CDFA, CSA
Session 2.3:
Presenter:
Session 3.2:
Strategies in the Face of Impasse
Adam Berner, Esq., MA
It can be said that mediation is all about going from one
impasse to another. Getting stuck is what we dread when
serving as a mediator and calls into question whether we
are really adding any value to the negotiation process.
What use are we if the parties are stuck and we have
nothing to help them get past that point? Is there
something we should be doing differently? Is there an
alternative to “when the rough gets tough, the mediator
should just get directive?” This presentation will
re-examine the nature of impasse, its causes, our
attitudes towards it, as well as strategies and
interventions to deal with that dreaded point in the
process (and possibly even avoid it).
Through a
combination of interactive exercises and discussions, and
presentation, the goal of this program is to provide
participants with a fresh framework of understanding and
dealing with getting past ‘stuck’ in mediation.
3:30 to 4:00
Break
4:00 to 5:30
Plenary 2
Update on the Law
Presenter:
Steve Abel, Esq.
You know the drill!
6:30 to 9:30
Dinner
Auction & Raffle
Presenter:
This workshop will address Social Security Basics – How
Your Claiming Age Affects Benefits especially with the
“Gray Divorcing” client. We will discuss Case Studies
covering Disability Income, Retirement Benefits, Spousal
& Survivor Benefits. We will also cover maximizing Social
Security Benefits for Ex-Spouses, including same-sex
couples, using the “File and Suspend” strategy. This
workshop will also address the Taxability of Social Security Benefits.
Presenter:
Must-See BV: Business Valuation
Essentials for Mediators
Kristen Jenks, CFA
Putting a price tag on a business is a complex task that
gets even more complicated when a divorce is involved.
Many jurisdictions view ownership of business interests
differently, including what share belongs to the non-owner
spouse and how to value the personal talents of the
business owner. Kristen will walk you through how to
decide if there truly is a “business” to value and when it
makes sense to engage an independent valuation
professional. She’ll cover the basic mechanics of a
valuation, what kind of information the client should be
prepared to provide, and what happens after the value is
determined.
Session 3.3:
Presenter:
Transformative Mediation Skills in a
Divorce Mediation Practice
Bobbie L. Dillon, M.S.
This highly interactive, hands-on workshop is designed
for mediators who want to learn more about the use of
the Transformative Model of mediation. Starting with a
brief outline of the model and theory, participants will then
begin learning and practicing the key skills associated
with TM (attending, following, reflecting, summarizing,
and checking in). In addition to individual and partner
exercises, the instructor will model skills, show video
clips, and encourage volunteer participants to practice the
skills with the support of the group. This workshop is not
designed to debate whether TM should be used in
divorce mediation. It is an opportunity to introduce mediators to the model and provide them with skills they can
apply with clients who are feeling upset or out-of-control.
10:30 to 11:00 Break
12:30 to 1:30
Lunch
11:00 to 12:30 Session 4
1:30 to 3:00
Plenary 3
Session 4.1:
The Affordable Care Act:
It’s Impact on Divorcing Couples
Presenter:
Kathy Brennan
Presenters:
Pensions & QDRO’s and
Bears – Oh My!
Tom Treacy, MPA, ChFC
Ada L. Hasloecher
The Lois Rubin Memorial Presentation
There are so many different plans out there with their own
rules and regulations; plans that pre-approve and others
that don’t; plans that allow for a survivor annuity and
others that don’t. We want you to walk out of the room
understanding something that has stymied you for years.
Session 4.2:
Presenters:
Spousal Maintenance Guidelines
Hon. Steve Eisman, Esq.
Michael Ratner, Esq.
In May, 2013, the New York State Law Revision
Commission issued a Final Report on Maintenance
Awards in Divorce Proceedings. This session will discuss
the significance of this Report, and the ongoing
discussions and additional legislation that will eventually
modify the existing Temporary Maintenance Guidelines
and may introduce guidelines for a Final Maintenance
Award, at the conclusion of a divorce proceeding.
Session 4.3:
Presenters:
This plenary will provide an overview of the Affordable
Care Act (ACA), including requirements for businesses,
small and large, as well as individuals. The presentation
will discuss:

Benefit options and potential penalties
 The NYS Health Exchange, called the NY State of
Health
 Health insurance options for recently divorced individuals
 Potential subsidies, insurance cost and benefit levels
 Open enrollment rules, enrollment timeframes and
how to access insurance options
 COBRA and how it relates to divorce
 How COBRA integrates with the ACA and available
insurance options
When Nothing You Do Works…
Perhaps Intimate Partner Abuse/
Violence is The Reason
Carolyn Fish
Steve Abel, Esq.
Most researchers, legal, mental health and law
enforcement professionals have received minimal training
on Intimate Partner Abuse and Violence (IPA/V). This
workshop will shed light on this complex and confusing
issue. Workshop leader will address the array of tactics
used by abusers to control and dominate their victims;
how IPA/V can impair a victim’s ability to negotiate during
the mediation process; how IPA/V effects members of the
LGBTQ and other marginalized communities and
examine the importance of effective screening for IP/V.
Continuing Education
Continuing Legal Education
NYSCDM has applied to the
New York State Education
Department's Board of Social
Work to be an
Approved Provider of
continuing education credits
“New York State Council on Divorce Mediation has been certified
by the New York State Continuing Legal Education Board as an
Accredited Provider of continuing legal education in the State of
New York from July 25, 2012 – July 24. 2015.” CLE will credits
will be earned depending on sessions attended. Financial
hardship policy is available upon written request. To apply, write
Kathy Jaffe at 978 Route 45, Suite 107, Pomona, NY 10970
Consultation
Opportunities
Individual and small group
consultation with Accredited
Members is available, at no
charge. Times are listed in the
program. Prepare to discuss at
least one case. Sign up at the
registration desk.
2015 Annual Conference Rates
The Annual Conference Committee is proud to announce that the NYSCDM 2015 Annual Conference will be
held at the Renaissance Westchester Hotel, 80 West Red Oak Lane, West Harrison, New York. We are pleased to
be able to offer rates that are in line with past years in Saratoga Springs; no small feat for a downstate location!
While we encourage everyone to attend and stay at the hotel, we realize that not all schedules accommodate
this. For this reason, we are offering several packages, as well as “A la carte” pricing, which will enable attendees to
cater an event that suits their needs. Note: For packages 1 and 2, there is no need to reserve a room separately.
Package 1: All Inclusive “soup to nuts” (subject to room availability)……………………………………………….. $960
Choose this package to attend all events beginning Thursday at lunch and going to Saturday afternoon. Rate includes
pre-conference presentation, all meals, overnight accommodations Thursday and Friday night, and conference materials. All taxes and service charges included.
Package 2: Regular Program (subject to room availability)…………………………………………………………….. $860
Choose this package to attend the regular conference events, beginning Thursday evening and going to Saturday
afternoon. Rate includes all regular conference presentations, meals, overnight accommodations Thursday and Friday
night, and conference materials. All taxes and service charges included.
Package 3: Three-Day Commuter………………………………………………………………………………………..
$695
Choose this package to attend all events beginning Thursday at lunch and going to Saturday afternoon. Rate includes
pre-conference presentation, all meals, and conference materials. All taxes and service charges included.
Package 4: Two-Day Commuter………………………………………………………………………………………….
$595
Choose this package to attend all events on Friday and Saturday. Rate includes all meals and conference materials.
All taxes and service charges included.
Room Sharing: If you would like to share a room with someone, purchase a commuter package and arrange for the
room directly with the hotel (room taxes will apply). Be sure to reserve under NYSCDM to obtain the discounted room
rate of $139. Call (800) 891-2696 to reserve a room.
A la carte: (all taxes and service charges included*)
Pre-Conference (includes lunch, one break and all conference materials)…………………………………..
$140
Thursday reception and dinner (for those only attending the pre-conference)………………………………
$125
Friday only (includes all presentations, meals, breaks, and materials)………………………………….……
$440
Saturday only (includes all presentations, meals, breaks, and materials)……………………………………
$320
Nightly hotel room rate (*based on hotel availability and subject to taxes and fees)………………………… $139
Guest rates: (includes all scheduled meals and refreshments)
Thursday guest
Friday guest
Saturday guest
……………………………………………………………………………..…………………….
$160
……………………………………………………………………………………………………… $180
…………………………………………………………………………………………………..
$80
Note: Non-members add $65. Those who wish to join the Council may pay $50 for a six month membership and pay member
rates for the conference.






DRIVING DIRECTIONS FROM SOUTH (NYC)
Take I-87 North to exit 4, take Cross County Pkwy E ramp
Follow signs for Hutchinson River Pkwy N (left at fork)
Take exit 26W from Hutchinson River Pkwy N for Westchester
Ave., toward I-287 W/ White Plains
Follow Westchester Ave W to W Red Oak Lane, turn right
In 1/2 mile, turn left to stay on W Red Oak Lane
Hotel will be on the left







DRIVING DIRECTIONS FROM NORTH & WEST
Take I-87 S, across Tappan Zee Bridge, to exit 8A
Keep left to continue on I-287 E, follow signs for White Plains
Take exit 9N-9S for Hutchinson Pkwy toward Whitestone
Bridge/Merritt Pkwy, merging onto Westchester Ave E
Turn left onto Kenliworth Rd and left at first cross street (to
change direction) onto Westchester Ave W
Turn sharp right onto W Red Oak Lane
In 1/2 mile, turn right to stay on W Red Oak Lane
Hotel will be on the left