pm 4/04 1 www.passionalmagazine.com www.passional.us 2 pm 4/04 w h a t ʼ s i n s i d e COMING OF AGE Fashion and passion are coming of age, an evolutionary phenomenon that is as exciting as it is awkward. In this issue we celebrate the PASSIONAL transition from innocence to exploration. The focus of this month’s oﬀerings is upon creating a safe and supportive space for the next generation to learn and experience the joys and challenges of evolution and revolution. Play with innovative looks that defy social constraints but embrace the traditions of many cultures and eras. Envision, realize and celebrate new rites of passage that are not weighed down by the baggage of conformity. Partake in new celebrations like Gothic Prom, Gay Prom and formal adult fantasy parties. Tag along with your kids for the teens’ sex ed tour(p. 13)-- a unique introduction to the “birds and the bees” created to bridge the gap between youth and experience. Love yourself and pass the love along to the PASSIONAL people in your world... both young and old! tips for a banginʼ prom ...........................................................................................................4 passional people .....................................................................................................................6 passion 101 fridays ..............................................................................................................10 passional perspectives: In the beginning..............................................................................11 talking to teens about sex .....................................................................................................12 reading about it couldnʼt hurt, either....................................................................................13 passional men: American brotherhood weekend 2004 ........................................................14 passional adventures: nuns gone wild ..................................................................................15 plus look for quotes throughout the magazine on proms, ﬁrst kisses, coming out, and more! CLOTHING- Front Cover: Eric sports a Leather Western Shirt by Northbound ($399) and Revolver Transformation Boots ($189). Melissa wears a Pink Lady Corset by Antionette ($239), a White Wench Blouse by Empire ($9) and a Translucent White Split Skirt ($99) Back Cover: Jeﬀ wears a Leather Tuxedo Tail Jacket by MacCleo ($599), a Romance Shirt by Eternal ($69), Vinyl Uniform Pants by Rednexx ($89), and Revolver Transformation Boots ($189). Jay poses in a Poet Shirt by Eternal ($59) and Leather Dress Pants by Bleu ($179.99) 704 South 5th St., Philadelphia, PA 19146 v: 215-829-4986 f: 215-829-8979 www.passional.us www.passionalmagaWriters: Grant Antrews Kelli Dunham Ryan Goldner Lady Passional Podo Anton Puc Camille Whitesett Special thanks to all who wrote and shared their ﬁrst experiences and prom memories Photography: Corey Armpreister Kyle Cassidy Do you have information to share with our readers? Send it! [email protected] pm 4/04 PASSIONAL Magazine oﬀers limited ad space on a ﬁrst come, ﬁrst served basis. Circulation and printing records are available to advertisers upon request. The opinions expressed herein are those of the authors and not nescessarily those of KDM Enterprises or Passional Magazine. Contents ©2004, KDM Enterprises, 704 S. 5th St., Phila, PA 19146. PASSIONAL is also a retailer of genuine corsets, fashions and adult accessories. The PASSIONAL Boutique is located at 704 S. 5th St. in Philadelphia (one block from South Street) and is open to the public daily from noon-10pm. 3 PROM MEMORIES My prom was a disaster. I was prettier than my date and she couldn’t stand it! —Angela I never made it to my senior prom, but a year earlier I did attend the prom of a pimply boy I felt sorry for (he berated me all night long and proved to me that his outcast status was karma not cruelty on the part of his peers, but at least I got to go to an awesome afterparty at the health club now known as Pennsport). My ﬁnal year in high school, I bought tickets for my prom with the intention of shocking the entire school by dressing in a tux and bringing my best girlfriend. Unfortunately she got cold feet and I used my tux as a costume later. If I could do it again, I would wear a dress and pack underneath my skirt and I would go even if I didn’t have a date!” — Kali M. I remember my senior prom in high school because...I didn’t go to it. There had been a very long teacher’s strike that year. In order to make up for lost days, they added extra days at the end of June, when school would have already let out. I had been accepted to Penn State. Only thing is, Penn State’s summer classes started before my last day of high school. This meant missing all sorts of year-end activities, including the prom. So I never went. I’m still waiting for the opportunity to wear a wrist corsage. — Ruth W. Above: Jeﬀ wears a Leather Tuxedo Tail Jacket by MacCleo ($599), a Romance Shirt by Eternal ($69), and Vinyl Uniform Pants by Rednexx ($89), while Liz wears a purple Angelique Corset ($299) and a Coatney Tutu ($129). Opposite: Jen and Chrissy each wear a Lady Corset ($229.99), a Diva Skirt w/ Lace Overlay ($139) and White Satin Opera Gloves ($29) My prom dress really was my ﬁrst sexy outﬁt. It was all black, crossed back and I looked killer in it. Last time I’ve worn a dress, too! —Mel Mom’s old stilletto heels and her 50’s dresses from the cedar chest. Oh sweet bliss! This also happens to be my ﬁrst naughty secret, too! — Angela MY FIRST SEXY OUTFIT I remember the day I bought my ﬁrst sexy outﬁt. I had decided to have some Philly fun that day, and was thinking what can I get to surprise my boyfriend. I walked into PASSIONAL and was instantly drawn to this sexy catsuit. I just had to have it! I glanced over at the necklaces and collars and bought a leather choker as well. I was on cloud nine. I rushed home, put on my new outﬁt, did my make up, and waited for my boyfriend to come home. When he saw me, he got down on his knees and begged for domination. That was 3 years ago, and he is still my slave. —Kit 4 pm 4/04 p a s s i o n a l p r o m s tips for a banginʼ PROM The date is set, now the fun starts! Find a date, get tickets, get dressed. Don’t sweat buckets. There is much to consider, but getting geared up for prom is half the fun, isn’t it? Prom date: Going to the prom alone IS an option, but most of us want company, even if it isn’t romantic. Cousins and friends have traditionally provided the backup plan for guys and girls who can’t ﬁnd (or don’t want) an intimate aﬀair but still want to participate in the passage of prom night with their classmates and a really good deejay. Ask anybody who you think would be fun to dance with for a night to join you. The worst they can do is say “no,” and then all you have to do is ask someone else. Don’t be pushy, just make an oﬀer without pressure and move on if you don’t get a positive response. Gay prom? How cool is your school? Classmates might be shocked if you ﬂaunt you fabulous “friend” which can be a good or a bad thing depending on how your friends might react and whether or not the faculty of your school is supportive. If you want to wow your pals in full drag, go on! Or you may choose to bring a buddy of the opposite sex to the prom and dance your tail feathers oﬀ just for the sake of being there. Philly’s Alternative Prom for LGBTQ Youth is a great place to hook up with your own people. It’s being held Friday, June 18th from 8pm - Midnight at the William Way Community Center, 1315 Spruce St. For more information or to contribute to the prom fund, contact GALAEI’s Louis Ortiz at [email protected] or 215-985-3382. PROM Fashion 101 for girls. Just say no to cookiecutter gowns. There are too many generic options and you don’t need to spend hours in the mall looking through limited choices just to risk showing up in the same dress as three other classmates. It is much more fun to hunt for separates to mix and match (remember, you may end up being one of many modern girls go to more than one prom in their lifetime, so mixing and matching gives you extra options!) Bustiers or corsets combine with skirts for fabulous formal looks that are stylish and seductive for your big-time date with decadence. Sheer shirts can be worn under a bodice for modesty and fashion. Lace gowns can be worn with slips underneath in continued on page 8 pm 4/04 MY FIRST (ROMANTIC) DANCE The thrill of two bodies moving together in sync with the music, the smell of sweet perfume mingling, and the bulge in my silk panties... Wait, that was my ﬁrst romantic dance crossdressed. The ﬁrst time, the bulge was in my tightie whities. —Angela 5 p a s s i o n a l p e o p l e PLAYFUL Places & PARTIES Fine Dining: Dining Out for Life happens Thursday, April 29th. Making a diﬀerence is as easy as going out to eat at 193 participating restaurants who donate 33% of your food bill to pay for local services for those infected and aﬀected by this life altering/threatening disease.See www.diningoutforlife.com. Philadelphia’s Where the Goths are: Noctourne Wednsesdays get a glamorous makeover Wednesday April 28th when PASSIONAL teams up with photographer Kyle Cassidy to present Gothic Prom Night at Shampoo from 9pm -2am. The prom you always wished you could attend, dress up at PASSIONAL and you can be crowned King or Queen of the evening! Sin Thursdays happen at La Tazza on Thursdays and Dark Corner at Ulana’s every Saturday night. Revolutions at Paradise Alley detonates every other Saturday. neo-burlesque comedic dinner theater troupe The Peekaboo Revue (peekaboonews-subscribe @yahoogroups.com) performs at the Five Spot the ﬁrst Saturday of the month. Where the Fetishes are: First Friday’s Shock Therapy (www. shock-therapy.net) in Philly has moved to a great new space with FREE parking! People are also raving about The Playground (www. shibaratai.com) monthly play party every third Friday at Ulana’s, 2nd and Bainbridge (discount admission with ﬂyer from www.shibaratai.com/playground). You won’t want to miss Taboo, the ﬁrst fetish night hosted by Larry Flynt’s HUSTLER Club in Baltimore. For more information, see their ad on page 15. Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Trans: Philadelphia Black Gay Pride is a weekend of activities from April 22-25 (www.philly blackpride. org or www.colours.org). Subscribe to Rainbow Xpress (www.rainbowxpress.biz) for email news. Equality Forum (www. equality forum.org) is an internationally ﬂavored queer culture and education festival that take splace form April 26- May 2. This year-check out the PASSIONAL fashion show at the wrap up street fair on 12th Street Sunday, May 2nd. Space for Youngsters: The Attic Youth Center (www. atticyouthcenter.org) houses a variety of programs and services and is Philadelphia’s Safe Space for lgbt and guestioning youth. Located at 255 S. 16th Street in Downtown Philly, you can stop in Monday to Friday from 1pm to 9pm or make an appointment by calling 215-545-4331 or e-mailing atticyouthcenter@ aol.com Where the Guys are: For affordable drinks in a casual atmosphere, Philly’s leather bar The Bike Stop (www.thebikestop.com) on Quince Street is chock full of men hanging out and cruising in the pit or dancing at the top of the stop with no cover, ever! For safe and discrete encounters, Philly Jacks (www.philadelphia jacks.com) j/o parties for men two Wednesday’s each month and other special dates. Where the Grrls are: WET women’s night at the Bike Stop (see above) happens from 7-12 every ﬁrst Friday down in the pit. Pousse Café is PASSIONAL’s ﬁrst Saturday interactive dyke go-go party where anyone can sign up to shake their money-makers from 9PM-1AM the ﬁrst Saturday of every month (April 2 PROM night is the oﬃcial afterparty for Philly Drag King Contest (see below) and $1 from every full priced entry beneﬁts The Dyke March . The Mercury Lounge has become the long-term home for GirL the third Saturday of each month. Check out their newly completed website (www.phillygirlparty.com) Where the drags are: April is a DRAG in Philly with the IFGE National Transgender convention in town April 1-3 (www.ifge. org). Look for special launch party for Transgender Community News magazine’s new glossy format (www.ren.org) and watch the annual Philadelphia Drag King Contest at William Way Center Saturday April 2 more on next page Do you host an event for Passional People? Let us know at [email protected] 6 pm 4/04 p a s s i o n a l p e o p l e PLAYFUL Places & PARTIES continued from left to beneﬁt the Philly Dyke March. Friday, April 9, get to12th Air Command for Jaded Lounge, a campy drag-friendly social party for ASIAC (AIDS Services in Asian Communities) that happens the 2nd Friday of every month. Where the bunnies and duckies are: ANNUAL EASTER SUNDAY PROMENADE Sunday, April 11, 2004 12:30 – 3:00 pm, 8th & South to the Plaza @ 2nd & South Join six Mummers String Bands, The Easter Bunny, Phil E. Duck and Philly’s Dignitaries on Parade, culminating in South Street’s Annual Easter Finery & Bonnet Contest where you can win big prizes and strut your stuﬀ! Hosted By Philadelphia’s Favorite Flamboyant Henri David and a Panel of Celebrity Judges Where the magic is: Delaware Valley Pagan Network sponsors the Crystal Ball Saturday April 17. Learn about the “The Healing Arts” with teachers and artisans from all over the Delaware Valley. Visit their website for a list of activities and features www.dvpn.org pm 4/04 7 p a s s i o n a l p r o m s BELOW: Eric and Melissa show oﬀ the cover fashions and Jay sports his back cover ensemble (descriptions p.3). Jay’s date Jen models the cotton Metropolis Dress ($99) banginʼ PROM continued from page 5 contrasting colors for romantic allusion (right). Body shape. If you have curves, consider a sleek silhouette. If you are bottom heavy, choose ﬂattering a-lines. If you are top heavy, wear brighter colors on your skirt. Empire waisted dresses create the illusion of bustiness for thin women. Gothic is beautiful. Industrial ﬂoor length skirts and other unique looks can be yours during one of the most memorable nights of your life. Live it up, express yourself and have a great time! PROM Fashion 101 for guys. Most guys wear tuxedos to their proms. But why waste a hundred bucks renting a tux you won’t ever wear again when you can invest in a genuine leather tailcoat (page 4) complete with a cincher/ cummerbund! Thanks to Hollywood and MTV, both guys and gals are putting their own spin on high fashion/ formal and prom choices for young men are expanding to unusual and exotic options like the leather Western shirt (left), Gothic jackets and more! PROM DETAILS: Flowers. It is customary for the guy to buy a corsage. Know what colors you will be wearing so that the corsage you choose doesn’t clash, or shop together for matching flowers. Photography. Get a price list before so you don’t get caught short! Bring a camera for informal shots throughout the evening— those photos may turn out to be your favorite prom souvenirs. It can be fun for three or four couples to go together to the prom in a limousine — but reserve the car in advance and decide who is gonna split the $400+ Proms are sexy, play carefully. This is your ﬁrst adult “formal night out” and romance will be raging for many prom attendees. more next page MY FIRST SEXY OUTFIT My ﬁrst sexy outﬁt was a latex tube top bought for me by my ﬁrst boyfriend. I was 16, he was 19. It was the beginning of a lifestyle that I still practice today. Little miss goodie two shoes at work, freakazoid fetish diva at home. —Susan Being a big teen is great for being a linebacker, but I felt awkward out of shoulder pads and a helmet. After high school, I dieted, dropped the weight I wanted and rewarded myself with a pair of 32-inch waist leather 501s. I slipped them on with a plain white tee, and, for the ﬁrst time, looked in the mirror and actually felt sexy! To this day, that look still does it for me. —Patrick 8 pm 4/04 p a s s i o n a l p r o m s LEFT: Liz and Jen are wearing Summer Gowns in Black and Lilac ($69 ea) but Jen has hers cinched with a Butter-ﬂy Cincher from Delicious ($399). Melissa has attitude to spare in her metallic Pleated Leather Corset ($459) next to Eric in his Marquis Shirt ($69). BELOW: Melissa bites the tip of her Portolano Leather Opera Gloves ($219) while she decides how tight to cinch her Black Widow Corset ($369) atop her Coatney Floor-length tu-tu ($129) These styles and more are available from PASSIONAL, 704 S. 5th Street in Philly or call 877U-CORSET cont’d from left Be prepared to play safe and stow safer sex supplies in the pockets of your jacket or stash them in style in your very own Play Safe Thong (available at PASSIONAL, see left) complete with a condom in a pouch that you won’t accidentally leave in the car! See page 13 for sexuality resources. pm 4/04 9 p a s s i o n 1 0 1 F r i d a y s fantasy workshops A PASSIONAL twist on teaching, attending these interactive workshops will expand your horizons. Our intimate classes in fashion, ﬂirtation, and fantasy are held Friday nights (except for second Fridays) in the Aprhodite Gallery above the Boutique, 704 S. 5th St. Register in advance as space is extremely limited. Unless otherwise speciﬁed, classes run from 7-9pm and tuition for all classes is $35/person, $60/kissing couple. 877-U-CORSET April 2 — Dress for Sexcess with Kali Morgan An exploration of fashion maneuvers to keep you hot during work, lunch/ dinner dates or in the bedroom! Check out crotchless panties, bustless bras, sexy thongs, non-piercing body jewelry, garters and stockings, etc and participate in activities such as panty swapping (bring a partner to play with or we will try to pair you up at the class... no guarantees). Co-sponsored by SHOCK Therapy (www.shock-therapy.net). Students get half price admission to SHOCK that night! April 9 — Second Friday Gallery hours for the continuing exhibit of Alain David’s Abstractions of Venus in Aphrodite Gallery from 7-10PM. Enjoy complimentary refreshments and drink in this unique (and aﬀordable) collection (www.aphroditegallery.us) April 16 — Fantasy Fulﬁllment thru Role Play with Diva Veronica Bound Have you ever had erotic fantasies in which you were a character from another time, place, culture April 30 — Structuring a Scene with Pandora: Join Ms. Philadelphia Leather 1994 for a valuable workshop in creating a fantasy scenario. New or old to the fantasy play, setting up a scene can be perplexing. Learn how to have the best session possible through quick, eﬀective negotiations. Pandora will be sharing experiences and insight on how to capture that information, execute a scene to turn those fantasies into safe realities. This workshop was originally presented at BR2003 by Pandora and Brianna (MD/DC). or perhaps even a diﬀerent gender? If so, then it’s time to explore erotic role play to enhance your romance. Learn tips and tricks to constructing role play fantasy scenes that are simple, eﬀective and don’t require elaborate or expensive costumes or props. This class is cosponsored by The Playground (www.shibaritai.com/playground) - students can attend The Playground for half price after class (just three blocks down Bainbridge) April 23 — Beginning Whip Braiding and Demonstration Learn basic braiding techniques for whip maintenence, especially particular cracker maintenance. Includes discussion on material sources, a demonstration and tips for improving your whipping skills as well as materials for use in class. girl goodies: HITACHI MAGIC WAND Growing up as a woman can be tough, but it does not have to be pleasureless thanks to the Hitachi Magic Wand. Endorsed by generations of women, this is a device that every mother should gift to her daughter. Remind the young woman in your life that “High School can be stressful, and a good massager will help ease some of that tension!” Bestow this gift upon her and ask no questions ... she will thank you for it later on in life! Sometimes called the Cadillac of vibrators, this is America’s most popular electric massager. Sold in some sex shops for upwards of $90, but also available in select department stores, this discrete yet powerful pleasure tool can pound your stress into orgasm in a very short time — right through your clothing! The foot-long, two-speed Hitachi has a soft, tennis ball sized head which is equally good for squeezing blissfully between your thighs or for running up and down a sore back. Even guys can beneﬁt from this wonder wand. The ideal choice for those who want a massager with many uses that needn’t raise any eyebrows! Buy from PASSIONAL for $69.99. 10 pm 4/04 p a s s i o n a l p e r s p e c t i v e s IN THE BEGINNING By Grant Antrews In all of life, there can be no more diﬃcult time than adolescence. It’s a time of pimples and scholastic challenges, a time when grownups seem obsessed with questions like “What are you going to be?” At the same moment strange chemicals called hormones are coursing through your body, and suddenly you ﬁnd yourself in close proximity to (Gulp!) members of the opposite sex! Your body changes; things like hair and bulges and zits suddenly emerge, and that’s just outside. Inside, it is a time of turmoil. Some will become obsessed with the opposite sex while others ﬁnd that they are more attracted to their own. Suddenly, the “kids” you’ve grown up with are diﬀerent, you notice their bulges and body fur and all the fascinating changes, and your thoughts begin to wander oﬀ down strange new paths and into the wilderness of fantasy! Desire happens, and with it the realization that you have to negotiate to ﬁnd an outlet for your sexual urges. The telephone takes on a whole new signiﬁcance. You ask for your ﬁrst date, or wait for someone to ask, and those chemicals keep a-surging! Stimulation is everywhere! Modern sexuality is a commodity, and because it is marketed aggressively, it has become our society’s preoccupation. Baseball is no longer our national pastime, and folks like Britney Spears, Madonna, Janet Jackson, Paris Hilton and Kid Rock know it! Sadly, that only leaves the newcomer with greater obstacles. Everyone else is so obviously enjoying their sexuality. How can I get under way? And, with whom? I was about twelve, just accompanying my mother to the drug store. While she ordered a prescription, I wandered to the magazine rack to see if there were any new hot rod magazines. I wasn’t, up to then, interested in girls. Well, I noticed an unusual magazine “for men”, with a comely woman on the cover, and she was falling out of her shirt! Strangely, I had never noticed that girls have diﬀerent chest dimensions than boys until that very moment. I picked up the magazine and timidly peeked inside, and there were women with only the scantiest bits of underwear, and the most magniﬁcent curves and valleys I had ever seen! Suddenly, without warning, in the aisle at the drug store, something terrible happened. While looking at the pictures of the girls, a strange electric chill my FIRST NAUGHTY SECRET In my Catholic school, we had to read the stories on martyrs. I remember becoming aroused after reading a spanking scene in one of them. I was only in the ﬁfth grade, but I was mesmerized. I read that passage over and over and over again. Then when I was 11, I let a girlfriend of mine Domme me. We were really too young to understand what we were doing, all I knew was it was the best thing that I’d experienced and I never wanted it to stop. I’ve never felt shame for my tendencies, nor have I ever felt compelled to hide who and what I am. — BJ came over me, and I wet my pants! It was horrendous, completely unexpected, and I was shocked. There had been no warning, and in truth, it didn’t feel like the usual emptying of my bladder. It was deeper somehow, and pulsing, and not altogether unpleasant. Except, of course, that I now had an embarrassing dark stain spreading across the front of my pants! Later, back at home, I rode my bicycle down to the corner store and looked for that magazine. I couldn’t ﬁnd the exact same one, but there was another, and pretty ladies frolicking in delicate lacey underthings! That night in bed, I touched myself, and suddenly wet myself again! This time, I knew it wasn’t exactly like wetting my pants. It was pleasurable, and devastating, and I knew I had to learn to control it or Shelby (sic) was the girl next door. The only actual contact we had was across the alface terrible embarrassment at school. I leyway, when we ﬂashed each other from our bedroom windows. She was my ﬁrst real didn’t know it, but I had discovered sex! live nekkid lady. She showed her boobs; I showed my chest. She ﬂashed butt; so did I. When she stuck the soles of her feet out at me...oh! Butt, boobs, feet — probably the ﬁrst event towards unlocking the secret combination to my sexual appetites. That summer, I found my female playmates, and their bare feet, arousing. Not to mention feeding my exhibitionistic tendencies as well! — Podo my FIRST NAUGHTY SECRET pm 4/04 11 p a s s i o n a l PROM MEMORIES t e e n s by Camille Whitsett When it comes to talking about sex, many parents don’t know where to start, or when. Most parents of 10 to 12 year olds have not talked to them about peer pressure or sex. Most of our adolescents get their information at school or from the media. Teens do not think their parents talk to them enough about how they feel about dating, relationships, and sex. Some basics to keep in mind: 1) Teens want their parents and caregivers to talk to them about sex. 2) Make use of the media: Talk to your kids about what they are seeing, and what message is being conveyed. This opens up a discussion of values, attitudes and beliefs about sexuality. It also reinforces the desire to talk about sexual issues without fear, if approached openly I have very fond memories of my prom! We spent the evening with my girlfriend’s best friend and her boyfriend Mark. We met during the exciting prom planning process, and we hit it oﬀ well from the start. So we decided to spend the evening together, sharing the limo, sitting together at dinner, and even sharing the hotel room afterwards ... well, not only afterwards! During our hotel room per-party set up, Mark and I were so revved up, all we could do was talk about our post-prom antics. The more we talked, the more graphic it got. And as the details ﬂowed, well, so did the blood. One thing led to another and before I knew it, our pants were down and we were sharing much more than I had ever expected! Trust me, it was a great night all around. — Ant talking to teens about Sex Guidelines for Parents and Caretakers and without judgment by discussing why both child and parent believe and feel the way they do. 3) It’s O.K. to feel uncomfortable talking about sex: When you don’t know where to start, it can bring up feelings of uncertainty for both you and your child. Try to relax and remind your child that the reason you are talking to him/her is because you love them and you want to help them. This also gives you a chance to assess why you are uncomfortable talking about sex and ways to help you feel more comfortable. It can also encourage you to get more information or seek out resources for both you and your child to get the information you need and keep the lines of communication open. 4) Be “ask-able”: Encourage your child to come to you to discuss any questions he/she may have. Let them know that you care and what to know what is going on in their lives, you are willing to listen and want to help them make decisions that will beneﬁt them. 5) Be aware of the “question behind the question”: Many times the issue of “normalcy” is behind their questions. Young people question their sexual development, thoughts and feelings and compare and contrast their developmental processes with those of their peers. They need to be reassured that they are going through is normal. 6) Remember that facts are not just enough: Your children also need to know your feelings, attitudes and beliefs. They need to know how you feel and why you feel that way, it helps them develop their attitudes and values. It also helps them decide what they want to do and what they do not. Children remember what you tell them and it helps to shape their decisions. 7) Talk about the joys of sexuality: Tell them about loving relationships, how they can have a positive impact on their lives, producing feelings of well-being and trust. Let them know that intimacy is one of the best parts of having a relationship. To give them a better understanding, use the relationship you have with them or the relationships they have with their friends. Explain how intimacy can produce feelings of trust, companionship, understanding and love. Also explain how love and intimacy have positive impacts on adult relationships. continued next page 12 pm 4/04 p a s s i o n a l Talking ABout sex t e e n s Sexpeditions: continued from left 8) Know what community groups, faithbased organizations and schools are teaching your child about sexuality: This allows you to talk to your child about what he/she has learned and what they feel. * Sexuality Information and Educational Council of the United States (SIECUS) Above all else, parents need to know they are instrumental in their child’s education: how you respond to the questions they ask can determine both your and their comfort level in discussing sexuality. Listen to your child without judgment. Be open to their questions, even if it makes you uncomfortable. Acknowledge your feelings and their vulnerability. Humble yourself to their innocence and thirst for knowledge and you will help shape their adulthood and future relationships. The Birds and the Bees Tour for Teens How can you teach your kids about the “birds and the bees? Every parent wants their kids to develop healthy relationships and habits without get stung, and without suﬀering from unwanted fallout in the eyeballs. Unfortunately, such discussions are often awkward not just for moms and dads but for teenaged youth as well! Finally, the people at PASSIONAL have gotten together wth sex educators and service organizations to create SEXPEDTIONS: The Birds and the Bees Tour for Teens. On Saturday, April 17, 2004, this educational and entertaining “ﬁeld trip” will introduce teens aged 14-17 to • the mating habits, orientations and anatomies of animals, • basic anatomy and safer sex techniques including self-loving • communication methods and relationship building • organizations and facilities for counseling and family planning Parents can sign their kids up beginning April 1 at which time the ﬁnal tour itinerary will be posted at www.sexpeditions.us. Registration for the tour includes transport, admission to all venues, and educational activities on the SEXPEDITIONS school bus. Tour departs from Aphrodite Gallery at PASSIONAL where teens will check and board the bus and returns four hours later (www.sexpeditions. us for info) Reading about sex couldnʼt hurt, either! Teen Talk about Sex And Health: An Easy Guide To Loving Carefully For Men and Women, Third Edition (Lyn McKee, Winifred Kempton, and Lynne Stiggall-Muccigrosso, illustrations by Vivien Cohen) presents information about sexuality in simple language. It addresses anatomy, abstinence, intercourse, contraception, pregnancy, STDs, sexual health problems, visiting the doctor for a sexual health exam, and sexual orientation. A glossary is included. ($18.50) The Underground Guide to Teenage Sexuality: An Essential Handbook for Today’s Teens and Parents (Michael J. Basso) is an easy-to-read handbook that answers teenagers’ questions about health and sexuality. Chapters include: “Sexual Anatomy,” “Contraception and Birth Control,” and “How to Say No to Sex.” The introduction, written for both parents and educators, contains valuable tips to foster communication with teens about sexuality. A glossary and index are included. ($14.95) Reﬂections of a Rock Lobster : A Story about Growing Up Gay Aaron Fricke made national news by taking a male date to his high school prom. Published in 1981, this book is his story, told with insight and humor, about developing a positive gay identity in spite of the prejudice around him. Dr. Tatiana’s Sex Advice to all Creation (Olivia Judson) is a pm 4/04 unique guide to the evolutionary biology of sex. It is narrated through an advice column in which Dr Tatiana, the racy new agony aunt, replies to letters from organisms worried about the peculiar things their lovers do. Manatees, honeybees, spiders, black vultures, green spoon worms, hyenas, slime molds: these are just a few of the troubled creatures Dr Tatiana advises. Their problems? These run the gamut from giant sperm to dwarf males, from homosexuality to inﬁdelity, from sexual cannibalism to incest. Rich in natural history, this fascinating, accessible, hilarious book is a must-have for anyone interested in sex and why it so often seems to be such a bother. Telling Tales Out of School (edited by Kevin Jennings) A collection of over thirty personal memoirs, in which gays, lesbians, and bisexuals look back at their school days. Essential reading, edited by the executive director of the national Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network (GLSEN). Look for these at your local bookseller or pick one up at PASSIONAL, 704 South 5th St. 13 p a s s i o n a l M E N American Brotherhood Weekend 2004 by Ryan Goldner The producers of American Brotherhood Weekend are proud to announce that this year’s ABW will be held April 16-18, 2004. ABW 2003 played to a sold out crowd and was an amazing success. This year we have even more surprises in store, expect record attendance, and want you to be a part of it all! For folks who dont know about ABW, its a giant weekend that draws in leather and fetish folks from all walks of life and from across the country! There is already much excitement about this year’s event because we will be welcoming a new member to the American Leather Family! This year the weekend will host 4 contests! The American Leathergirl will join the American Leatherman, Leatherwoman, and Leatherboy, completing the family. Another new and exciting feature of ABW 2004 is the addition of 2 Vendor Marts in the hotel with top-notch leather and fetish vendors from across the country. ABW 2004 will have a new home as well. This year we are moving to an exciting new venue in Arlington, Virginia, only 5 minutes from downtown DC. The beautiful Sheraton National Hotel has many exciting features including a glass-enclosed rooftop swimming pool for private late night events, newly renovated contest, reception and formal banquet venues and beautiful guest rooms (with brand new beds) priced at an incredible rate that includes free parking and buﬀet breakfast! The hotel also will be picking up all ABW attendees who arrive at Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport. ABW will be arranging tours of the Nation’s Capitol for Thursday and Friday during the day. Washington is beautiful this time of year as the Cherry Blossoms are in bloom! We are honored that our current titleholders Bill Mitchell, Sheryl Dee and Boy Jeﬀ Nowak will be joined on the judging panel this year by: John Weis-founder of the Leather Leadership Conference; Sandy “Mama” Reinhardt-San Francisco activist and head of Mama’s Family, Gayle Rubin-noted Gay and Lesbian author, historian and professor, Mik Miller-founder of the American Brotherhood Weekend, David Kloss-International Mr. Leather 1979, our Judge Emeritus Marcus Hernandez-Bay Area Reporter Columnist and head judgeJudy Tallwing International Ms. Leather 1987. Please check www.americanbrotherhood.com in the months to come for frequent updates, news, events and information on our current titleholders, oﬃcial preliminary events, registration information and more. Make your travel plans and register early, don’t be left out! You can register online quick and easy! We look forward to seeing you in April! 14 WHEN I ﬁrst CAME OUT TO MY FAMILY: When I came out to my mother, it went this smoothly: Me: Mom, I’m a lesbian! Mom: Oh, ok. Let’s go to dinner. —Niki My mom found out by accident. She was remoteassisting me with my computer (she’s in Chicago, and I am in Norfolk ); we were also talking on the phone. I minimized my internet windows so she could do her thing and my bondage.com account popped up and she saw it. She really wasn’t too terribly shocked and all things considering, she took it rather well. She’s about as conservative as they come, but I guess your opinion changes when you realize that your only child is a part of the very sub-culture you are condemning. Those closest to me have suspected it; they of course learned quickly to only ask questions to which they really want answers to. —Ruth W. Toys for Boys: Simulated ﬂesh by ﬂeshlight Originally developed as educational tools, the chemistry and design of Fleshlight replicates the feel of penetrative sex. The revolutionary, true-to-life “ Real Feel Super Skin “ gel sleeves took more than 2 million dollars to develop and the unique “ Fleshlight “ oﬀers a safe, concealable, portable and fun method for men of all ages to explore most erotic sensations. Available in a variety of styles – Mouth, Anus , Vagina and Non-Descript, the Fleshlight presents it users with a multitude of erotic experiences, fantasies and sensations to elevate orgasms to a new peak of intense pleasure. The anatomically realistic Fleshlight is also an incredible educational tool for demonstrating safer sex techniques and other visual lessons. What more can a guy want for 69 bucks! pm 4/04 p a s s i o n a l a d v e n t u r e s Nuns Gone Wild by Kelli Dunham I wasn’t the world’s best nun. In fact, they held me back as a pre-aspirant for over a year. This is the convent equivalent of ﬂunking pre-school 12 times. The nuns said I had (this is an actual quote) “too much self-esteem.” This “too much self esteem” usually manifested itself late in the afternoon, when -having chopped every vegetable and washed every dish within a ﬁve mile radius-my fellow nuns in training and I would return from the soup kitchen and sit down to be schooled in the ways of convent life. Every day, there was a new surprise. One day, Sister Milagros, our pre-aspirancy Mistress (yup, once again their word, not mine) announced we would only talk to our families once a month. The next day she explained that from then on we would be eating breakfast standing up, the next that we would be dispensing with, well, let’s just say some of the most basic of personal hygiene practices. We were making beautiful sacriﬁces for Jesus, Sister Milagros explained. The other nuns in training always responded with “Yes, Sister, thank you sister.” I always responded with “What?????” Hence, the “too much self esteem” accusation. One afternoon Sister Milagros came to our lessons carrying a small leather ﬂogger and a circular metal object that looked like it was made of barbed wire. “Sisters, starting tomorrow morning when we get up we will strike ourselves 12 times with this and wear this armlet until after Mass.” “It helps with chastity,” she went on to explain. “Oh is that what they’re calling it now?” was my inside thought. Out loud I said “Yes sister, thank you sister,” to Sister Milagros’ great surprise. Two months later I realize that the process I was going through was not making me holy and was instead making me very unhappy. I used my safe word, er safe words, saying “I’m getting the hell out of here.” I took oﬀ my nun garb, changed into jeans and a tee shirt and laid my cruciﬁx and other nun accoutrements beside my folded habit. But remembering the age-old admonition about not throwing out the baby with the bathwater, I hesitated for a moment. And just before leaving, I thrust the tiny leather ﬂogger and shiny armlet into my pocket. Just, I thought, in case. Kelli Dunham (www.kellidunham.com) is a writer and stand-up comic in Philadelphia. pm 4/04 15 16 pm 4/04