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10 | SEATURE CREATURE| Tuesday, April 1st, 2014
termined by your outlook on life.
Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21)- Everybody dies in
the end so screw it.
Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)- Your smile brings
happiness to everyone you meet.
Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18)—For success today,
look first to yourself.
Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20)—Do not fear what you
don’t know.
Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21)- Your happiness is de-
they will conquer you.
Libra (Sept 23-Oct 22)- Conquer your fears or
Language is the most important, most used, and easiest
form of communication and has been developing since man discovered the ability to speak. Now, in the year 2014, our casual
language or “slang” has developed into a new form of speak.
Whether it’s over text or at school, variations of words (along
with new words altogether) have been fabricated to create a
whole new form of slang. A short list composed of some of the
most popular and commonly used slang today.
• twerk /t•work/ (verb) - the rhythmic gyrating of the lower
fleshy extremities in a lascivious manner with the intent to elicit
sexual arousal or laughter in ones intended audience. <also see
Miley Cyrus>
• swol /swol/ (adjective) - a shortening for the word “swollen”;
well built, muscular; diesel; jacked; buff. ex) He’s so swol he
can hardly even walk straight.
• off tops /off-tops/ (adverb) - confirmation of a statement; “for
sure”; also used as starting a new topic of conversation off topic
to the current one.
• fade /fade/ (verb) - fight as in fist fight; assault. <also see “faded” meaning affected by some sort of outside source to make
one feel euphoric>
• finna /fin-nuh/ (verb) - going to; planning to. <also see “gonna”> ex) You finna fade? *click* Or nah?
• ratchet /rat-chēt/ (noun) - a weave-wearing, ripped tights
sporting, unsavory female that can also be described as a diva;
also can be used as an adjective to describe someone that fits this
description. ex) Sharkeisha has got them ratchet lookin weaves.
near future. Be the leader!
Staff Writer
close and your enemies closer.
Taurus (April 20-May 20)- Never leave the toilet
seat of life up, you never know when you’ll take the
final plunge.
Gemini (May 21-June 20) -You look really good
in the color blue. It’s sure to attract a blue-footed
boobie.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)- Look on the bright side,
you took a breath while reading this. Lucky you.
Leo (July 23-Aug 22)- Be careful of what you
read, not everything published professionally is the
truth.
Virgo (Aug 23-Sept 22)-Your social group is des-
Slang Dictionary
Kyle Rairdon
Aries (Mar 21-April 19)- Be sure to keep your friends tined to make some changes in the hierarchy in
When students think of Ms. Belt, many things probably
come to mind. Whether it be her unconditional positive regard for her students, her cogent teaching style or her myriad of homemade juices, Ms. Belt has clearly established
herself as one of El Camino’s most caring and popular
teachers. That being said, the average Eagle is blissfully unaware of her more covert extracurricular activities. By day
she might be an average psychology teacher, but by night
she stalks the greater Sacramento area...as a UFO hunter.
It all began many moons ago on a small farm in Ellsworth, Kansas, where an unsuspecting Ms. Belt was enjoying her childhood on the family farm. Then one night, she
suddenly awoke in the midst of a menacing tractor beam,
raising her up into the underbelly of a UFO.
“At first I thought it was just a dream, but then I saw
the wounds and still bear the physical and emotional scars,”
recounted a deeply traumatized Ms. Belt.
After being tested and
probed by the “little green
men,” she was released
back to her farm, a changed
woman with an unquenchable thirst to find out more
about her extraterrestrial
captors. Moving to California shortly thereafter to
major in “UFO hunting” in
school, Ms. Belt has been
hot on the alien trail ever
since, pursuing E.T. to the
Mars Rover, and everyMrs. Belt takes a selfie
thing in between. Racing
as she is abducted.
around town in a tin foil-covered Suburban, no space man
has yet to slide through Sacramento without showing up on
her radar. Frequently
contracted by NASA and
the Jesse Ventura
Foundation,
her
work is most
definitely of the
most top-secret
variety.
“I had no
idea that Ms.
Belt was involved
with
UFO hunting,”
remarked Senior
Cameron Wiggins. “Of course
now that I think
about it, it makes a lot
of sense.”
Ms. Belt’s reason for coming to El Camino in the first
place might also come as a surprise to her unsuspecting psychology students. According to her high-tech UFO radar,
there are high concentrations of extraterrestrial activity here
at EC. And of course, many of these alien subversives are
drawn to psychology.
“One would think that aliens would be easy to spot
as acting socially awkward,” pondered Ms. Belt as she
thumbed through her private UFO files. “In fact, the opposite is true. The aliens amongst us are the people we would
least expect.”
A few choice teachers, however, have some knowledge
of her investigative work outside of the classroom. As her
alien pursuits often originate here at El Camino, she was
forced to let the staff in on her vital secret.
“I’ve always known about her alien activities,” confessed Mr. Marshall. “It’s been a harbored secret amongst
the staff for years, and frankly I’m surprised it’s become
public knowledge.”
Putting the likes of Mulder & Scully to shame for years,
Ms. Belt is no doubt the best of the best when it comes to
UFO hunting. With technology and psychology on her side,
Sacramento aliens will be phoning home before long.
Horoscopes
I
remember watching my grandchildren tear
through the house, I laugh at how my children
handle their own, never thinking they’d deal with
the same nonsense.
The quiet feels unnatural, where’s the chaos? Everyone moves in their own directions. My children chose
theirs pointing away from home; leading to new futures.
They are out of my care, 18 years have passed. They graduated. Did my work pay off?
They stand dressed for prom smiling in bliss. They’re
happy, to be together and to have a night away from constant stress and worry. They study constantly preparing
for a future they’ve yet to write, waiting to discover who
they’ll become. It’s the calm before the storm.
They always have something new to question. All
they ask is “why” and all I answer is “because I said so”.
They are interested in the world now that they grasp it,
yet are satisfied playing in the streets until the streetlights
come on.
According to them, each day is monumental but
they’ll never realize which was most important, the day
my husband and I met. When we first tangled our fates
together. All I wanted was to enjoy my freedom, live how
I pleased... but I found my other half in the blur of making
memories. Confirming the path I chose was correct after
all; I chose the right college, the right town, the right life.
I had nightmares over making the decision for weeks.
Dreaded making a choice. Every minute I thought about
it was wasted not making a memory of my days in high
school. This is when I become me.
It used to be simple. I was me because no one else
could be. Be yourself and have fun. Laugh and take risks,
enjoy the simplicity of childhood.
There is a fault in life’s grand design.
We spend the first 25 years of our life sitting in classrooms when we should be enjoying life. The next 40 are
spent working doing the same job day after day while our
bodies slowly weaken. We then get to retire and sit around
possessing the freedom and time to do what we please yet
lacking the energy or ability to do so. Slowly the dreams
for future adventures fade and memories are all that remains to keep us company as we approach death.
Instead our lives should be exactly the opposite, all
the pieces and events should still occur just at different
ages. Our lives should begin as an elderly person who is
learned and wise, who has experienced the hardships of
the world but has found love and made a family. Then
as life goes on careers develop. That way when it is time
for us to retire instead of being 60 we are in our 20’s and
ready to go out, live life, and find adventure, the “now”
isn’t just fantasy, it is a reality. After enjoying ten years of
freedom we then revert back to a simpler lifestyle, where
our parents plan our day, before we are responsible for our
decisions and it was easy to have fun and be carefree. We
would get to spend the last years of our lives as a content
child oblivious to the problems of the world and die happy
in the simplicity of adolescence.
Staff Writer
April
by
Annie West
Matthew Bollinger
Graphic by: JONATHAN MORFORD
West by chance
Wild by choice
Mrs. Belt beams into UFO hunter status