THE NEW YOU PART 6 HOW TO LIVE THE LIFE YOU WANT ATTITUDE AND MOTIVATION The most important factor that will determine your success is what goes on in your mind. Each person is where he is and what he is because of his own mental attitude towards himself and others, and so are you. Your mental attitude can travel in two directions: It can lead you up the path of success or to the road of failure - the choice is entirely yours. Seeing as you are completing this topic I can safely assume which one you would prefer. Throughout this topic we will explore what the correct mental attitude actually is and if you haven’t already got it, I will tell you how to acquire it. In addition to attitude we will be talking about motivation – the activity that gets you off your butt and kick starts you into action. No matter what you are doing in life it is your attitude before, throughout and after that activity that will determine your success. Picture a footballer taking a penalty. What do you think is going through his mind - A goal? That the goalkeeper will save it? Or that the ball will end up in row Z of the stand? What do you think when you are taking a penalty? GOAL? Or MISS? Picture a learner driver who has just failed her driving test. What is she thinking? Confident that she will pass next time? Or that she will not even bother and give up? Or maybe she will have to be content with public transport? There is a simple rule with regards to your thinking in everything that you do: Think Positively and you will end up with positive results. Think Negatively and you will end up with negative results. It’s as simple as that. What I would now like you to do is to complete the following exercise. It will help you to appreciate the thoughts of positive and negative people. Take a closer look at the people that you know - your relatives, your friends and your work colleagues. List these people into the ones that you think are positive and the ones that you think are negative thinkers. POSITIVE PEOPLE NEGATIVE PEOPLE In the box below, write out all of the words that describe why they are positive people. What do they say? How do they act? What do they do? Next, what I would like you to do is to complete another list using the same people. List the people who you perceive to be a success and then those who you perceive to be not. SUCCESSFUL NON-SUCCESSFUL You should find that the majority, if not all of the successful people who you listed are positive people and the people who listed as unsuccessful, are negative thinking people. You see, the successful people in life are always positive people. They think about what they want, they are optimistic, they expect the best and they expect to win. Negative people, on the other hand, always look for the worst, they expect to fail, you will find that they moan a lot and they are always trying to put people down. Faced with problems and obstacles, the positive minded person will look for solutions and a way forward. The negative minded person is convinced that he is beaten before he even starts. Whatever we choose to think, we choose for our lives. The one thing that can bring success or failure in our lives is our attitude. Lets remind ourselves of the Job Interview example once again. There you are, sitting in the reception of an organisation and you are waiting for that job interview. Now, what is going through your mind as you sit there in that chair? The negative minded person is probably thinking along the lines of - what an earth am I doing here? I haven’t got a chance of getting this job, I haven’t got the right experience or qualifications, I’m probably going to fluff my words, what if I make a complete fool of myself? The positive minded person is feeling confident and is thinking along the lines of - Well, I’ve got this far so I must be really good, I’ve got a great chance of getting this position, the job is as good as mine, I have got the experience and qualifications and I am going to say all of the right things, lets go for it!! The positive minded person is going through all of the possible questions that he or she may get asked during the interview and is really looking forward to it. The negative minded person is doubting him/herself and is dreading it Let me ask you this question – Which person do you think stands more of a chance of getting the job? Or lets put it this way – If you were their boss which one would you like to have working for you? You see, a positive mental attitude gives your entire personality a drawing power that attracts the circumstances, the things and the people that you think about the most. A positive mind attracts opportunities for success and a negative mind repels them. And a negative minded person doesn’t even take advantage of them when they do come along because they are too busy focussing on how they are going to fail. A SHORT CASE STUDY - When I was unemployed Going back to the time when I was unemployed, it was vital that I remained positive - which was easier said than done at the time! I had no job, no money and a ballooning waistline. There were plenty of jobs that I wasn’t even applying for because I had convinced myself that I would have no chance of getting them. This was the mindset of a loser, so I decided to start thinking positively in all situations the glass was now half full instead of half empty. I changed my attitude and my life changed with it. The results were amazing, instead of feeling sorry for myself I started to exude confidence and positiveness and I started to attract the right people, the situations and the circumstances that enabled me to succeed. Imagine that you are at a party. Think of it this way - if you were at a party what type of people would you be drawn and attracted to? The person who was always laughing with positive talk? Or the miserable looking person who, if you decided to have a conversation with, would drown you in self-pity and the state of the O-Zone layer? Another valuable lesson that I learned during this period is that no matter what situation you find yourself in, there is always someone else who is worst off than you are. Remember the story about the man who was sad and angry because he had no shoes only to walk around the corner to find a man who had no feet. ‘Whatever your mind can conceive and believe, your mind can achieve.’ Napoleon Hill Your capacity to believe is your greatest potential asset. But you cannot draw upon it or benefit from it until you have formed the habit of keeping your attitude positive. We now know that the successful people in life are positive people. The question that you must now ask yourself is - are you one of those people? If you were to take a penalty what would be going through your mind? Positive thoughts or negative ones? No matter what your mindset is at the minute there are various techniques that you can apply to help you to create more positive habits And I’m going to tell you all about them. I’d like to share with you the techniques that have enabled me to form and keep a positive mental attitude and they will help you to do the same. Believe me, if I can do it so can you. The problem that I faced was that no-one told me what to do – I had to learn myself. It doesn’t matter whether you are out of work, like I was, or a Managing Director, what follows is some practical advice that I strongly recommend that you act upon and put into action. HOW TO FORM AND KEEP A POSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE The first thing that you can do to maintain a P.M.A is by always thinking and acting on the “Can do” portion of every plan or purpose and refusing to accept the “No can do” approach. Remember, positive people are solution orientated and look for the good in every situation whereas negative minded people believe that problems and obstacles cannot be surpassed. All it takes is a smile! Take a look at the lists that you wrote on the previous pages. Now look at the positive people on that list. One thing in common that these people will all share is that they all probably smile a lot and are happier than their negative counterparts. It may sound silly, but there is a lot of power associated with a smile. What I would like you to do is to start smiling more often. Now, that doesn’t mean that you have to walk around with a silly grin on your face all of the time. But smile as you walk down the street, when you talk to someone, even when you look in the mirror at yourself. You will be surprised at how better you will feel for it, and it will project a positive image to all others - one that will attract opportunities and people. Remember, positive people are happy people and negative people are not. Happy people are also seen as more attractive than unhappy and sad people so that is an added bonus! Pat people on the back Too many people in life are only too quick to criticise people when they do something wrong, and don’t even acknowledge you when you do something right! What you must do in order to create a positive mental attitude is to either start or increase the amount of times that you complement other people. If you partner buys a new piece of clothing and looks particularly attractive - tell them so. Complement your staff on their work - that you appreciate their efforts and that they are doing a great job. Complement your child on making the football team. In general by making other people feel good, you will feel good, and it will enhance you Positive Mental Attitude. By focussing on the positive aspects of people you will enhance their P.M.A and will make them a lot happier. Something that goes hand in hand with complementing other people is the way in which we treat others. There is a simple rule to this: Treat others as we would like to be treated ourselves In order to do this you must treat everyone as though they are the most important person in the world - because to them, they are! One of the Success Laws is that whatever you hand out in life you get back, but what you get back is ten times as much. By making other people feel worthwhile, useful and treated like the most important person in the world you too will be treated in exactly the same manner - but ten times as much. There has been a lot of research that has been conducted within organisations that suggest that when a customers expectations have been exceeded or a complaint has been dealt with promptly and efficiently, that the customer will tell 10 people about it. The same will apply to you when you exceed the needs of your friends, your boss and your work colleagues. You will find that you will become more popular, be highly regarded and your profile will be raised within that particular group. I must stress a word of warning at this stage. There is only one thing worse than not complementing people and treating others with respect, and that is doing so falsely and when your comments are not sincere. You must mean and believe in what you are saying. Believe, conceive and achieve One thing that you must start to do is to act as though success is inevitable. Picture success in your mind at all times and burn it in your subconscious mind. Always focus on the outcome that you want to happen in everything that you do. Remember, what the mind can believe and conceive, the mind can achieve. You have within you a sleeping giant, whom you can direct to perform any service that you desire. The power of your mind and imagination is truly an exceptional and incredible function. You can think your way to almost anything in life - you can think your way to success, to happiness, to illness and you can even think your way to death. I’d like to tell you a brief story of this whereby a middle aged man was working in a refrigeration unit in America. One day he accidentally locked himself inside. He banged on the door, he yelled and he screamed but no one heard him and finally he accepted his destiny. He sat down, his body became numb and with his fingers he scribbled a message on the wall for those who would eventually find him. It said “Getting colder now, starting to shiver, nothing to do but wait, slowly freezing to death, half asleep now these are my final words”. Five hours later they opened the door and found the dead mans body. Now it’s a sad story, but here is the twist. The temperature inside the unit was 56 degrees. The unit had been broken all day, there was plenty of air for him to breath - the man simply willed himself to die. That story illustrates the power of the mind. Your mind cannot distinguish between your thoughts and reality. So if your mind is playing over negative scenarios, it thinks that these are actually happening. As was the case in the example that I have just described. Likewise, when you are in a house on your own, you hear every bump, grind and creek imaginable. But if you had company you wouldn’t hear a thing! That is because your mind is expecting to hear those sounds because you are thinking of them, even though they don’t exist in the first place! Rehearsal practise – “You’ve succeeded before you have even begun” An important technique that you can use to improve your positive mental attitude is what is known as Rehearsal practise. You can use the power of your mind to get better results. No matter what you have to do or in any situation that you face, if you rehearse it over in your imagination first, you will find that you will do it better. It is as though you are training your subconscious to behave in a certain way to obtain the result that you desire. Take the Job interview example that we highlighted earlier. If you go over in your mind what the interview will be like, the questions asked , the possible scenarios faced and that the interviewer is going to be really helpful and nice, you will find that no matter what the interviewer throws at you, you will be better prepared for it. I remember doing this for my driving test and I use it in everyday activities from doing a presentation to hitting a golf shot. Another term used for rehearsal practise is visualisation - focussing on the desired outcome. For my driving test I went over in my mind all of the possible road junctions and pictures myself successfully completing them. I pictured myself performing the manoeuvres exactly correct and also some of the questions that I may get asked. It was little coincidence that I went into the test brimming with confidence whereas most people are dreading the thought. I had already passed the test in my mind and therefore I had a very positive attitude, I was even looking forward to it! The result as far as I was concerned was inevitable and a pass duly resulted. You too, should start to mentally rehearse or visualise any situation that you may find challenging. Have a look at the athletes on the television before a big race or the long jump, they are mentally preparing and going over and over in their mind how they will run or jump – they will be visualising themselves succeeding. Perhaps you are worried about a presentation that you are about to give? Or an important interview? Play through these scenarios in your mind and concentrate on the successful outcome that you desire. For each of your goals, take 5 minutes out of your day. Close your eyes and picture that the goal is already achieved, picture what you are doing, how you are living your life now that your goals are achieved. You will be very excited and happy with the results. But say, for instance, that you start to picture a negative thought in your mind. What should you do then? Well, what you should do is stop yourself immediately and replace that negative thought or picture with a positive one. You must never ever picture negative outcomes at any time for they will have a tendency to come true. If you do get a negative thought, and believe me everyone gets them - no one is immune to them, don’t worry. Just replace the image with a positive one. Now I know that’s easier said than done, but what I recommend that you do is that every time you experience a negative thought, you ask yourself the follow questions: “Is this thought really important in the grand scheme of things?” “What can I change about this thought to turn it into a positive?” “Think back through my past experiences that have been worse and lets just put this into perspective” “Why did that person say what they said. What was behind it? They probably have the problem not me” Focus on success and watch as the people, the opportunities and the outcomes go your way. Many attributes of winners are those that we recognise in first class salespeople. Salesmanship has got a lot to do with attitude and needless to say that whatever we do in life we are selling ourselves or something , and a person with a negative mindset can sell nothing. If you don’t believe me, what do you think you are doing at an interview, during a presentation, communicating an idea or even when you are on a date - yes you are selling yourself - and you must be positive to do so. It is said that attitude is a little thing that makes a BIG difference. You will need a positive attitude to attain your goals and you will also need a positive mind to grow, to develop and to progress. During life’s journey you will need to keep a positive attitude in the face of opposition - from other people and from adverse situations. I believe that we are living in a negative culture in the UK and that too many people like to put others down and do not like to see other people succeed. Now, if you haven’t got a P.M.A you will find that these people will drag you down with them - I am sure that this is not what you want. If you remain positive and make sure that you are not susceptible to the negative influences of other people - YOU WILL SUCCEED. It is also very important to remember this: All of the worlds most successful people have had setbacks in their quest for success. Picture Richard Branson’s Lottery bid failure and his Hot air balloon crashes, picture Ian Botham’s demise as England cricket captain. Both of these legends boast everything that comes with a positive mental attitude. The skill and adept to pick yourself up, dust yourself down and carry on regardless. It’s not about how many times you fall, it’s how many times you get back up. The only thing that success cannot cope with is persistence. Negative minded people may have given in at that point, but Branson and Botham went on to bigger and better things. It was all down to their POSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE. In Botham’s own words – “Erase failure from your mind and you will be surprised how little you do fail” - that is the attitude of a truly successful person, one which both you and I should adhere to. IN SUMMING UP Without a positive attitude you will find it difficult to achieve anything in life. Remember, it will be your attitude that will determine your success. People who are negative never get anywhere and are invariably unsuccessful. Throughout this topic we have discussed the advantages of a P.M.A. Please make sure that you start to implement these techniques straight away. Think positively and the world is your oyster. Think negatively and you are doomed to failure. I know which one you will probably prefer! MAXIMISING YOUR POTENTIAL Winning and success means feeling and being at your best. In earlier topics we discussed the importance of goal setting and goal attainment, for it is important that you know what you want to do with your life and where you want to go. It is also very important to know what type of person you want to be as well. The way that you look, your clothes, your possessions, what you say and how you say it, will all determine whether you are successful. Winners and successful people work to improve many areas of their total presentation for they appreciate that it is a vital factor that will help them to maximise their potential. At this point I’d just like to say a bit about the direction that self improvement should come from. It is important to appreciate that winners do not improve their appearance or areas of their life because they feel inadequate. Instead, they come from the direction that they are already a wonderful person and they want to improve even further. Self Image It is important that you have a clear picture of how you would like others to see you and what type of person you would like to be. The self image that you show to everyone is the external result of your internal self-esteem. How many people have you seen who around with their head down and back crouched? What do you think this says about their self-esteem? Do you think that they would be able to sell themselves? Winners present a dignified presence to the world. They are confident, they walk tall, the winners manner lets people know “I am a good person. I deserve to be respected.” Losers don’t think that appearances are important. They want to be accepted as they are. No matter whether we like it or not, rightly or wrongly, appearances do count for a lot in today’s society. But it is not what you look like that counts, it’s how you feel about what you look like that will have an effect on your confidence and your self-esteem. In order for you to maximise your potential in life, you must be able to put yourself into a position whereby you feel good about yourself so that you can radiate the confidence, energy and enthusiasm required to be a success. Otherwise, there will always be something that will be holding you back - the effects of a low self-esteem. If you feel good about yourself you will tend to assume others will also like you and if you believe you are likeable, people are going to share that belief as well. You see, until you can love and respect yourself, it is impossible to feel confident and assured. Someone once said: “A man who loveth himself right will do everything else right” A healthy self image with it’s associated feelings of competence , confidence and worth is essential in order to make a positive impression on others. If you feel good about the way that you look and the things that you have got, it is very likely that you will have a high self-esteem. The feel good factor First of all I’d like to explain what the feel good factor is by looking at an example. Have you ever had a bad hair day? Where no matter what you do to it the dam thing will not go into place? You comb it, you brush it, you dampen it but it’s still no good. Now tell me, how did you feel throughout the day? Low? Lack of confidence? A low self-esteem? Now think about this. How do you feel when you’ve just had your hair done or bought a new suit? Confident? A million dollars? Ready to take on anything? The feel good factor is such a positive force that it can influence your whole life. Now say, for instance, that you are feeling low and the Managing Director calls you in to his/her office - this is your big chance to impress the most important person in the organisation but yet you are feeling low and your confidence has suffered. Do you think this will help or hinder your performance? I know how I would feel! Now picture this scenario, you’re wearing a really stylish suit, your hair is perfect and you’re feeling sharp, confident and you’re energy levels are high. What are you going to feel like when the M.D calls for you this time? You see, you must put yourself into the position whereby you feel that you can take on anything if you are to maximise your potential in life. If you are worried about your appearance, your hair and the things around you, it will effect your self-esteem and null the confidence that you need to be effective. There is a marked difference between the feel good factor and the feel bad factor - the scale must be a million miles apart. Needless to say, you must make sure that you get that feel good factor in your life. Only you will know how and what to do to get it and give you that ultra confidence to perform. Success will be handed to you on a plate when you do. We have had a look at the advantages of having a high self-esteem and the pitfalls of having a low self-esteem. During the next couple of pages I am going to tell you some techniques that will enable you to raise your level of self-esteem and to increase your confidence. By the end of this topic hopefully you should have a good idea of the things to work on and a better perception of yourself. RAISING YOUR SELF-ESTEEM First of all it is a useful starting point to see how you think other people perceive you. In the space provided finish off the sentence below with one or two paragraphs, be as honest as you can: When a person sees or meets me for the first time they think.. Next, I’d like you to finish off this sentence with another couple of paragraphs: When a person sees or meets me for the first time I would like them to think that.. What you have just done is to identify two critical areas. Firstly, how you think others perceive you and secondly, how you would like others to perceive you. Now, if the two lists are exactly the same, you are at the stage whereby you are what you want to be like and that people perceive you exactly the way that you want. You must have an extremely high level of self-esteem. If there are differences on the lists, these are the areas that you must work on in order to raise your self-esteem. Write down below the differences that you noted and a brief statement of how you can improve upon them: * * * * * * * * * * In some instances significant improvements might have to be achieved by means of diet, exercise and/or good grooming. Other, minor improvements, may be the way that you shake hands for example or your ability to remember names. Another useful exercise to complement the one that you have just completed is to write down all of the characteristics of the ideal person that you would like to become. Below, write down the way he or she looks, how they have got their hair, the clothes they are wearing, their manner, their car, everything to do with that person and make sure that you do it in detail: After you have completed the previous exercise, ask yourself this question: Do you prefer his or her life to your own? If you do, start to write down what you can do to close the gap: I regularly complete the exercises that you have just completed. It enables me to keep right on top of my development as a person and ensures that I do not stray off track at any point, and if I do it helps me to get straight back on. No matter what you might include on your list I’d now like to look at some of the most common areas for personal development and whether they comply to you or not, I am sure that they will help in one way or another. I can’t stress how important it is to have that feel good factor. One thing that you can do to enhance this factor is by taking every area of your appearance and by analysing it. I would recommend that you purchase an image consultancy book which includes things such as the types and shades of clothing that complement your face and colouring, the way that you should have your hair to make maximum affect of your facial features, the design of your glasses to suit your face contours etc. Image consultancy books are invaluable. They are a total guide to feeling and looking at your best with style, grooming and wardrobe tips. They will enhance your confidence and will make you feel great. You could even go one step further and have an actual image consultation. Another area that can enhance your self-esteem are your possessions. What I actually do is to produce a list once a month of the possessions that I would like. Within this list I categorise these into three types: 1. Those items that I could go out and purchase immediately. E.g a tie, cufflinks, shirt, 2. Those items that would take a little saving up to get. E.g A suit, a CD system, computer. 3. Those items that are for long term savings projections E.g A car, house, luxury holiday. Then, what I do is to set out medium and long term savings plans in order for me to acquire those items listed in 2 and 3 above and along the way I treat myself to at least 2 items per month that I included in 1. The smaller possessions make me feel good and when a larger possession is attained I feel even better! By now you should have a good idea of what you would have to look like, own and possess in order for you to feel at the top of your powers. It doesn’t matter whether you are the most confident person in the world or the least confident, there is always some room for improvement. To make a positive impact on others it is important to have a love affair with yourself. If you feel good about yourself, it is apparent to everyone that you meet. If you feel bad about your shape, physique, clothes, grooming, manner or appearance, it will be much harder for you to remain confident and assured in social situations. Someone once said: “If you treat your friends like you treated yourself, would you have any?” You are your own best friend, because wherever you go, your best friend will be going with you too. And, like with best friends, you should give them the best. The way we treat ourselves has a direct impact on how others will treat us. You can actually train other people on how to treat you by how well you treat yourself. Take my friend Andy. He treats himself really well. He eats in the best restaurants, he’s got expensive suits, he’s always very well groomed and full of confidence. Now, when friends know that Andy is coming around their house, guess what they do? Yes, they tidy the house up, they even buy his favourite bottle of wine etc. You see, because he treats himself well, all of his friends tend to treat him this way as well because Andy will expect to be treated in this manner. BECOME YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND AND EVERYONE ELSE WILL TREAT YOU LIKE THEIRS. We discussed in an earlier topic the importance of complementing other people. It is also very important to put yourself in the position whereby you receive the complements. Are you happy with the way that you dress? If not then buy clothes that will make you feel good. Make other people complement you on your appearance, it will make you feel good. Is the contents of your car, garage or house a mess? If so tidy it up. If I got into your car and there were papers, cans, grit and the like, what do you think this says about your self-esteem. Are you happy with your weight? If so, then fine. If not, then go on an exercise and healthy eating plan. MAKE PEOPLE SAY “GOD, YOU LOOK GREAT!” The level of your self-esteem can either open many many doors or it can shut them tight. When it comes to those few moments of truth in your life - that 20 minute promotion presentation or that 10 minute chat to the M.D, you must be at your best and feel at your best so that you can perform at your best. When you are feeling good about yourself you feel that you can conquer anything. No obstacle is too great, no mountain is too steep to climb. Your self esteem can be improved by internal (you thoughts) and external (appearance, possessions) factors. To maximise your potential in life you must analyse your SELF-ESTEEM. Make sure that you are in the position whereby your mind and body are one. When you have achieved this you will know because you will never have felt anything like it - THE POWER OF A HIGH SELF-ESTEEM AND THE CONFIDENCE TO ACHIEVE ALMOST ANYTHING. --------------------------------------------------------So that’s it! Thanks for your continued support. Remember work out what you want, why you want it, how you will get it and then work out what type of person you need to become in order to get it! Success is all about common sense, unfortunately common sense is not common! If ever you want some one on one coaching with me please feel free to give me a call on the number below. Thanks again and all the best Sean 024 7626 2393