How to handle negative people Eleanor Shakiba

How to handle
negative people
with
Eleanor Shakiba
Director, Think Learn Succeed
Bad attitudes can be infectious. So how do you stay
immune?
Have you noticed how quickly bad attitudes can spread through a team? They seem far
more contagious than good attitudes. And there’s a reason for this. Our brains are
‘wired’ to pick up emotions – in particular, emotions which signal something is wrong.
Negativity is one of those emotions. But there are steps you can take to prevent yourself
catching a team mate’s bad attitude.
Leave their words behind
Chronic negativity isn’t normal. It’s a symptom of depression or anxiety. People with
these mental health conditions screen out positives and focus all their attention on
negatives. That doesn’t mean you should, too. Acknowledge their views without
internalising them. Imagine their negative words dropping to the ground, so you can
walk away and leave them behind.
Give feedback on behaviour, not attitude
Unfortunately, shifting a negative person’s attitude might not be possible. But you can
request that they change their behaviour. Start by giving them feedback on a specific
situation. Describe exactly what they said or did. Then explain how those words or
actions impacted on you. For example:
• When you said the new procedures won’t work, I felt stressed
• I noticed during the team meeting you raised a number of problems, but didn’t
offer any potential solutions. I found it overwhelming to focus on negatives that
way
• I felt anxious when you said that the new system was going to create so many
problems
Request a change
Next, explain what you’d like your teammate to do differently. Avoid telling them what
to stop doing, as they might not know what to do instead. Instead, focus on describing
positive steps they can take to change. For example, say “I’d prefer you to describe how
we can make things work” rather than saying “Stop finding fault with every idea we
bring up.”
Have a back-up plan
Just because you ask someone to change, that doesn’t mean they will. So it’s always
smart to have a contingency plan. Think about what you can do if the negative
behaviour persists. Some options include minimising contact with your teammate,
closing down conversations which focus on negatives, walking away when disruptive
behaviour starts or politely requesting that your teammate talk about something else.
Book one of our team building experts to run a session for your team.
Contact us now.
Subscribe to this newsletter at: www.thinklearnsucceed.com.au
FEBRUARY 2014
JUNE 2012
Detox your team
Taking control of negative gossip
Case Study
Case Study
Zeb was enthusiastic about stepping into his first team
leader role. Little did he know that he was ‘inheriting’ a
toxic team.
Sarcasm and catty remarks were abundant. Positive remarks and respectful
interactions were rare. Conflicts from years ago were still reverberating. Here’s how I
helped build a healthier dynamic in this team. You can use the same strategies to set
your team up for success.
Find common ground
Common ground is a metaphor for shared interests, values, goals and beliefs.
Finding common ground helps team members connect with each other. Finding
common ground involves focusing team members’ attention on commonalities
rather than differences. Ask them to find points they can all agree on, rather than
focusing on points of disagreement. At work, common ground can often be found
around shared experiences, professional standards or the organisation’s mission,
vision and purpose.
Set norms for communication
Don’t leave communication to chance. Instead, set your team up with a set of
behavioural guidelines or ‘norms.’ Team norms make expectations about behaviour
explicit. But they don’t work if they’re imposed. You need to involve the entire team
in defining the norms they are willing to work to.
To do this, brainstorm a list of behaviours that people think will help support positive
communication patterns. Narrow this down to five or six key behaviours. Print your
final list and post it in your work area and meeting rooms. Include a review of how
well you are living those norms at every team meeting.
Challenge breaches
Installing new habits isn’t always easy. Anyone who has set a New Year’s resolution
only to fall back into bad habits by February knows that. So you need to keep team
members accountable. If norms are breached, speak up. Use a simple feedback
process to do this. Start by pointing out what has just been said or done. Then
remind them of the relevant team norm and request a change of behaviour.
Catch people doing things right
Positive reinforcement is far more powerful that critical feedback. When your coworkers remember to stick to the team’s norms, thank them. Point out what they did
or said. Then say “That’s a great example of sticking to our norm on _______. Thank
you.”
Need advice on a tricky situation? Ask Eleanor now. Send your question
and we’ll answer it in a future newsletter.
Subscribe to this newsletter at: www.thinklearnsucceed.com.au
How can we
help you?
FEBRUARY 2014
Courses for Your Team
Decide how to become a really strong team. Set team norms for
communication and behaviour. Create an action plan for reaching team
goals. The agenda for this session is created to suit YOUR team.
Contact us now to discuss your options.
Public Courses for You
Enrol in a course with Eleanor next month
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4 March:
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29 March:
Creating Success with NLP – CCE Sydney
Coaching Skils for Managers - CCE Sydney
Psychology of Influence - CCE Sydney
Creating Success with NLP - CCE Sydney
Dealing with Difficult People - CCE Sydney
Creating Success with NLP - CCE Sydney
Audio Sessions for You
If you sometimes feel anxious about giving feedback, you’ll love this
audio session. It primes your mind for success, so you can feel confident
delivering feedback to anyone.
Download your copy now.
About Think Learn Succeed
We teach people to create, relate and communicate. If you need team
training, we can create a customised session. If you want individual
coaching, we’ll deliver it by phone or face to face.
Contact us now to find out how we can help.
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