How to handle negative people with Eleanor Shakiba Director, Think Learn Succeed Bad attitudes can be infectious. So how do you stay immune? Have you noticed how quickly bad attitudes can spread through a team? They seem far more contagious than good attitudes. And there’s a reason for this. Our brains are ‘wired’ to pick up emotions – in particular, emotions which signal something is wrong. Negativity is one of those emotions. But there are steps you can take to prevent yourself catching a team mate’s bad attitude. Leave their words behind Chronic negativity isn’t normal. It’s a symptom of depression or anxiety. People with these mental health conditions screen out positives and focus all their attention on negatives. That doesn’t mean you should, too. Acknowledge their views without internalising them. Imagine their negative words dropping to the ground, so you can walk away and leave them behind. Give feedback on behaviour, not attitude Unfortunately, shifting a negative person’s attitude might not be possible. But you can request that they change their behaviour. Start by giving them feedback on a specific situation. Describe exactly what they said or did. Then explain how those words or actions impacted on you. For example: • When you said the new procedures won’t work, I felt stressed • I noticed during the team meeting you raised a number of problems, but didn’t offer any potential solutions. I found it overwhelming to focus on negatives that way • I felt anxious when you said that the new system was going to create so many problems Request a change Next, explain what you’d like your teammate to do differently. Avoid telling them what to stop doing, as they might not know what to do instead. Instead, focus on describing positive steps they can take to change. For example, say “I’d prefer you to describe how we can make things work” rather than saying “Stop finding fault with every idea we bring up.” Have a back-up plan Just because you ask someone to change, that doesn’t mean they will. So it’s always smart to have a contingency plan. Think about what you can do if the negative behaviour persists. Some options include minimising contact with your teammate, closing down conversations which focus on negatives, walking away when disruptive behaviour starts or politely requesting that your teammate talk about something else. Book one of our team building experts to run a session for your team. Contact us now. Subscribe to this newsletter at: www.thinklearnsucceed.com.au FEBRUARY 2014 JUNE 2012 Detox your team Taking control of negative gossip Case Study Case Study Zeb was enthusiastic about stepping into his first team leader role. Little did he know that he was ‘inheriting’ a toxic team. Sarcasm and catty remarks were abundant. Positive remarks and respectful interactions were rare. Conflicts from years ago were still reverberating. Here’s how I helped build a healthier dynamic in this team. You can use the same strategies to set your team up for success. Find common ground Common ground is a metaphor for shared interests, values, goals and beliefs. Finding common ground helps team members connect with each other. Finding common ground involves focusing team members’ attention on commonalities rather than differences. Ask them to find points they can all agree on, rather than focusing on points of disagreement. At work, common ground can often be found around shared experiences, professional standards or the organisation’s mission, vision and purpose. Set norms for communication Don’t leave communication to chance. Instead, set your team up with a set of behavioural guidelines or ‘norms.’ Team norms make expectations about behaviour explicit. But they don’t work if they’re imposed. You need to involve the entire team in defining the norms they are willing to work to. To do this, brainstorm a list of behaviours that people think will help support positive communication patterns. Narrow this down to five or six key behaviours. Print your final list and post it in your work area and meeting rooms. Include a review of how well you are living those norms at every team meeting. Challenge breaches Installing new habits isn’t always easy. Anyone who has set a New Year’s resolution only to fall back into bad habits by February knows that. So you need to keep team members accountable. If norms are breached, speak up. Use a simple feedback process to do this. Start by pointing out what has just been said or done. Then remind them of the relevant team norm and request a change of behaviour. Catch people doing things right Positive reinforcement is far more powerful that critical feedback. When your coworkers remember to stick to the team’s norms, thank them. Point out what they did or said. Then say “That’s a great example of sticking to our norm on _______. Thank you.” Need advice on a tricky situation? Ask Eleanor now. Send your question and we’ll answer it in a future newsletter. Subscribe to this newsletter at: www.thinklearnsucceed.com.au How can we help you? FEBRUARY 2014 Courses for Your Team Decide how to become a really strong team. Set team norms for communication and behaviour. Create an action plan for reaching team goals. The agenda for this session is created to suit YOUR team. Contact us now to discuss your options. Public Courses for You Enrol in a course with Eleanor next month 1 March: 4 March: 6 March: 8 March: 27 March: 29 March: Creating Success with NLP – CCE Sydney Coaching Skils for Managers - CCE Sydney Psychology of Influence - CCE Sydney Creating Success with NLP - CCE Sydney Dealing with Difficult People - CCE Sydney Creating Success with NLP - CCE Sydney Audio Sessions for You If you sometimes feel anxious about giving feedback, you’ll love this audio session. It primes your mind for success, so you can feel confident delivering feedback to anyone. Download your copy now. About Think Learn Succeed We teach people to create, relate and communicate. If you need team training, we can create a customised session. If you want individual coaching, we’ll deliver it by phone or face to face. Contact us now to find out how we can help. Subscribe to this newsletter at: www.thinklearnsucceed.com.au