Information and advice for women with a partner experiencing erectile difficulties www.manmatters.ie IELLY00020 Date of Preparation: August 2014 Health education brought to you by Get Informed What is Erectile Dysfunction? How common is ED? Erectile Dysfunction (ED), also sometimes known as impotence, is the persistent or recurrent inability to get and/or keep an erection sufficient for satisfactory sexual intercourse. This happens when not enough blood can get into the penis or stay long enough to allow an erection. ED is a common condition. About 50% of men aged over 40 years may experience some degree of ED at some stage in their lives.1 Many men live with ED for years without seeking medical advice, because of embarrassment or a belief that ED cannot be treated. However there are a number of treatment options available. In addition, ED may be an early warning sign of other conditions. So it makes sense to encourage your partner not to let embarrassment get in his way - if he is worried about ED he should go to his doctor without delay to get it checked out and treated. What causes ED? In many cases, ED is caused by a combination of both physical and psychological factors. A proper medical assessment is important as ED could be caused by an underlying physical illness, medication side effects, or be related to psychological issues - some examples include: Physical Causes: Diabetes, Heart disease, High blood pressure, Kidney failure, Post-operative effects: Following prostate surgery, Psychological causes: Stress, Other conditions: Prostate cancer, Nerve problems, e.g. multiple sclerosis and Parkinson’s disease, Trauma, Medication side effects: ED may be a side effect of medication e.g. for high blood pressure or depression. Get Informed There are a number of things that you as a partner can do. I have a short acronym SUGGEST which may help you with the relevant points. Speak to him about it Understand it is not your fault GP is the first step Go to doctor with him if it helps Encouragement is what he needs Specific suggestions will be made by his GP, such as treatment options Therapy is also an option Mary O’Conor, Psychosexual Therapist and Relationship Counsellor Mary O’Conor is a well-known relationship and psychosexual therapist with years of experience treating couples suffering from sexual problems such as ED. “For over twenty years I have worked with people who consult me with many different sexual difficulties, one of the most common being erectile dysfunction (ED). It is always preferable when a couple attend together because I see the partner as a wonderful resource who can be of the most enormous help in treating the problem. I would like to expand a little on the above. The first step is to acknowledge that there is a problem by getting your partner to talk about it if he hasn’t already done so. You should however emphasise that you are able to enjoy being sexual with him and that it isn’t all about intercourse. It can be upsetting at many levels to be the partner of somebody suffering with ED and there may be feelings of rejection, sadness, frustration and perhaps even anger and all of these emotions are perfectly understandable. But usually the uppermost feeling is one of rejection, so let me say at the outset that, providing everything else in the relationship is functioning well, the ED is never your fault. Most partners believe that if they were thinner, taller, had bigger or smaller breasts, longer or shorter legs or if they were simply more sexy then everything would be fine and their man would be able to get an erection without any difficulty. This is simply not true. What is causing your partner’s ED is not related to you and is not your fault; even if you had a magic wand and were able to totally alter your body he would still have ED. Get Informed Having raised the subject and letting him see that you would like to help him do something about it you should encourage him to go to his GP. Sometimes men are a bit embarrassed talking to their own GP, particularly if he has been the family doctor for years, so do a little bit of research and have the names of some other doctors for him, explaining that the first step is to check things out medically. You can offer to go with him and talk to the GP if necessary, or be in the waiting room to give moral support. The doctor may take some blood tests and if he or she feels it necessary might suggest that he consult a urologist for further investigation. If physically all is well then the doctor may suggest some form of treatment, which might include medication or psychosexual therapy or a combination of both, depending on what he or she feels would suit your partner best. Every single case is different and you should also have a say in how things are to proceed. Some partners are perfectly happy for their man to take medication, while others would prefer to work with them in a sex therapy programme first to see if that helps. This would involve attending a therapist every two weeks and doing exercises at home a couple of times a week. These exercises begin with nonsexual touching and massage in order to help him get rid of any performance anxiety he is experiencing as a result of the ED. Gradually a sexual component is added until the couple are eventually back to being fully sexual. Of course this form of treatment is quite time-consuming and does not suit everybody. In most cases there is some route that will work, and you are very much a part of the process. There are many ways to achieve what everybody hopes to have – a happy and mutually satisfying sexual life.” Further information and advice Manmatters Further information & advice on erectile dysfunction. www.manmatters.ie Relationships Ireland A confidential service supporting sexual health and wellbeing provided by experienced accredited sex therapists. Tel.: 1890 380 380 www.relationshipsireland.com For more information on diabetes: Diabetes Ireland Lo-call 1850 909 909 www.diabetes.ie or email: [email protected] Lilly is not responsible for the content of third party websites. References: 1. Feldman, H. et al. Impotence and its Medical and Psychosocial Correlates: results of the Massachusetts Male Aging Study. Journal of Urology, 1994;151:54-61. IELLY00020 Date of Preparation: August 2014 © 2014 Eli Lilly and Company Health education brought to you by Health education brought to you by