CYAN-AOOO MAGENTA-OAOO YELLOW -OOAO BLACK 2/6/01 ® Page 7A • Wednesday, January 6, 2010 www.journalscene.com Letters I’ll never send … 2 ICY MORNING BY JULIE R. SMITH E ven my dearest friends say I’m not real quick on the draw. I never think of a comeback during any encounter, whether it leaves me sputtering, laughing or crying. Instead, I think it over for awhile and then write letters in my head. Thus today we have… More Letters I’ll Never Send: Dear Neighbor: How nice of you to ask four people if I left my husband. Actually, the luggage, clothes and ugly bedspreads you saw me loading in my car Tuesday went to Goodwill. But really, thanks for the rumor. Dear Church Lady: You’re always there in the pew ahead, beautifully dressed, a kind word for everyone, the perfect lady. No one would ever know the pain you’ve endured. I really, sincerely admire you. (And from the back, your hair looks terrific!) Dear Mother: It was wonderful talking with you today, like old times. You even knew who I was. Dear Charlie Sheen: This is a family newspaper, so instead of using ugly words, I’ll substitute a smiley face, like this :]. Here’s the :] gist, Lover Boy. You bring your :] game to South Carolina, and the :] jig is up. Maybe in California you :] get away with beating women, cheating on your wives, whooping it up with call girls, boozing, drugging, shooting Kelly Preston in the leg, leaving rehab and pulling a :] knife on the wife who had your babies five months ago. Please come down here and try that :], PLEASE! One of three things will happen: The woman involved will beat your :] in the middle of the road, or her brother will beat your :] in the middle of the road, or her daddy will do the honors. If all else fails, Jenny Sanford will drive in from Sullivan’s Island and beat your :] in the middle of the road. P.S. Used to like your TV show, but now I think it’s :]. Dear Tyler Perry: I love you. Would Madea adopt me? Dear Any American in the Armed Services: Thank you. Dear Cesar Milan, aka the Dog Whisperer: If more owners realized the way to cure Killer’s bad habits involves a simple rolled-up newspaper, boy, would you be out of a job. Dear anyone who asks my opinion on the schism in the Episcopal Church: A) I’m not educated enough to have one, and B) Can’t we all just get along? Dear Target: I found the brocade pillows you overpriced at $18 each at for 3 bucks at Goodwill… and they look BRAND NEW!! Hahahaha! But I still love your shoes. Dear T-Bob: You really don’t have to put the kids on the phone every time I call. Really. Dear David Pickles: Remember in the eighth grade when I wouldn’t let you copy off my English test and you called me a dog? I forgive you. But it took 36 years. Dear Mr. Po-Po: First of all, I totally respect you and your job. Secondly, would you mind not pulling people over in my driveway every night? The neighbors are starting to talk. Dear Convenience Store Clerk: I realize your computerized cash register died, but shouldn’t you be able to make change for a dollar in your head? Julie R. Smith, who may one day actually mail these letters, can be reached at [email protected]. Judy Watts/Journal Scene Of moose and men… Seldom seen in the Lowcountry, icicles seem to be everywhere this week. Any water leak turned into a cascade of ice with 20-degree temps every night. BY JIM TATUM This column will regularly feature photos from local community service clubs. Submit your club information and photos to: Judy Watts, Summerville Journal Scene, Summerville, SC 29483; or e-mail [email protected], All people in photos must be correctly identified. Photos should be at least 200 dpi. ROTARY CLUB MEMBERS VISIT SCS S o I read where a New York woman is suing a bar she was in because a stuffed moose head fell on her. She says she has suffered injuries and lost wages because of the nose-dive ol’ Bullwinkle took after happy hour. Sounds ridiculous, eh? Yet another reason why we need tort reform in this country, right? Well, maybe, and then again, maybe not. I’ve always been of the opinion that people are largely responsible for their actions. That includes where they park their carcasses to pound a brewski or two. On the other hand, Bullwinkle weighed more than 150 pounds and had a rack about three feet wide. Add all that with a dose of gravity, and you have a pretty powerful headache. Call it what you will, but someone needs to be held responsible. Talk of tort reform is scary to me. I don’t ever want to get on the business end of a lawsuit, frivolous or not, but I also don’t want the powerful to feel free to practice the hideous, Deliverance-type behavior on we the people with far more latitude than they currently enjoy. Whether we like it or not, about the only thing that keeps these greedy clowns from doing whatever they feel like is the very real fear of a visit from a fast-talking character from the offices of Dewey, Cheatham & Howe. A few years ago, I wrote a column that absolutely infuriated my brother, who I love dearly and respect exponentially. He’s a lawyer, a very capable and impeccably honest one, and his objection was not necessarily my stance on tort reform at the time, but the nature of the information upon which I based my objections. Like so much of what’s wrong with the world today, it, too, came from the Internet. Email. Something called the Stella Awards, a dubious honor bestowed upon “the most ridiculous lawsuits in America,” named for the woman who sued McDonald’s after she burned herself with a cup of hot coffee. The problem, he pointed out, is that the cases cited are either blown exponentially out of proportion or simply never happened. The fact is, there are plenty of unscrupulous, blowhard lawyers out there, classic ambulance chasers looking for a fast buck. They all ought to be castrated and sent to Pakistan wearing, “My Kid can Beat Up your Mullah” T-shirts. There are also a lot of unscrupulous, blowhard pundits and spin-doctors out there inundating the public with all manner of carefully constructed fiction. They all ought to be castrated and sent to Pakistan wearing, “My Kid can Beat Up Your Mullah,” Tshirts. There are also a lot of idiots in the public repeating all this truthless dreck as Gospel, thus perpetuating the cycle of fear and ignorance. They all ought to be – okay, okay, you get the idea. Actually, reform starts at home. It’s probably too much to ask the Bar Association to be a little more willing to barbecue those creeps that clog up the system and waste everyone’s time and money, but one can hope. It’s probably too much to ask judges to be quicker to censure, suspend, even disbar some of their own rather than politely ask them not to engage in practices that bring them wealth and television commercials, but one can hope. It’s probably too much to ask corporations, political parties, special interest groups, and other occasionally necessary evils to put a little fact in their folderol, but one can hope. It’s probably too much to ask the public to be a little more discerning, but one can – okay, okay, you get the idea. Provided Summerville Catholic School third graders were excited when they received a visit from members of the Summerville Rotary Club. The organization’s motto is “service above self.” Frank Osage and Linda Art shared information about the history of the organization and the many ways members serve others locally and across the globe. Before leaving, club members presented each third grader with their own personal student dictionary. Pictured are Mr. Osage and Mrs. Art sharing information with third graders. LETTERS POLICY The Journal Scene welcomes letters to the editor on topics of general interest to our readers. Letters should be typewritten, if possible, and contain the name, address and telephone number of the author. We reserve the right to edit. Letters should be addressed to The Editor, The Summerville Journal Scene, P. O. Box 715, Summerville, S.C. 29484 or they may be e-mailed to [email protected] the summerville JOURNAL SCENE® PUBLISHER Ellen C. Priest [email protected] EXECUTIVE EDITOR Judy Watts [email protected] NEWS EDITOR Jenny Peterson [email protected] REGIONAL ADVERTISING DIRECTOR Chris Zoeller [email protected] BUSINESS MANAGER Cheryl W. 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