Easy to Follow Manual
The LoveMaking Process
®
Transforming “Sex” Into
Innocent LoveMaking Together
Sexual Gratification Alone Is Not
the Intimacy that We Crave Together
“This has made all the difference in our marriage.”
“I wish we knew how to be so innocent and natural when we first got married.”
“We both now are so fulfilled, every time!”
Chris Wright
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Sex Therapist
www.chriswrightcounseling.com
A New Orientation to Lovemaking
Copyright © 2006 Chris Wright
TABLE OF CONTENTS
SECTION ONE: THE ORIENTATION OF MAKING LOVE In The LoveMaking Process
1. Two Energies of Love Create Wholeness
The Effect of Not Making Love in Your Relationship
Love is Spiritual. Making Love Opens You to Your Spirituality
Uniting the Feminine and the Masculine
2. The Range of Experiences In Sex
The Four Different Categories & Sources of Sexual Experience
Learning to Expand Your Range Together
3. Two Types of Orgasms
2
3
3
5
6
7
8
Peak Orgasms & Expanded, Deep Orgasms
Differences Between the Peak Orgasm & Expanded Orgasm
Can this LoveMaking Process end with a Peak Orgasm?
Imbibing the Sacred Nectar for Spiritual Experience
Exploring the Dynamics that Prevent Expanded Orgasms
and LoveMaking in the Chapters Ahead
4.
2
How Lovemaking Can Change Over time & Become Just Sex
The Need to Add “Excitement” to Sex
5. What is the Role of Turn On’s in Sex?
But Then Sex Becomes “Just Sex”
6. Where Do Turn On’s Come From?
8
9
11
11
12
14
14
16
16
18
Childhood Imprints
Pressures & Experiences in Adolescence
Impressions That Affect Our Head
Pleasurable Impressions That We Seek to Restimulate
18
19
19
20
7. Obstacle #1: Why Turn On’s Become a Problem
21
Making Love Only Takes Place in the Present, in the Now
Look at How Turn Off’s Blind You - They Take You Out of the Now
How These Stressful Imprints Affect the Ability to Make Love
Turn On’s Also Bind You -- They Take You Out of the Now
How Would You Know When Turn On’s Are Happening?
Why Would You Need to Spice Up Real LoveMaking?
Is There Anything Wrong with Turn On’s and Sexual Excitement?
Some, However, Get Addicted to Turn On’s & Sexual Excitement
Triggering Imprints - Positive & Negative - Tends to Eventually Reduce
the Frequency of Sex in Your Relationship
21
22
23
23
24
25
25
26
26
8. Obstacle #2: Sexual Excitement & Orgasm as the Goal in Lovemaking
28
The Man’s Expectations & Goals Generate Pressures that Interfere
with LoveMaking
The Effect of These Pressures on the Man
Women Have Their Own Pressures that Diminish Their Experience
in LoveMaking
Making Love Free of Internal Pressure and Expectations
9. Vaginal Orgasms vs. Clitoral Orgasms
The Loss of Sensitivity in the Vagina
The Loss of Sensitivity in the Penis
Deep Vaginal Orgasms – The Heavenly Garden
www.chriswrightcounseling.com
A New Orientation to Lovemaking
29
30
30
32
33
33
35
36
Copyright © 2006 Chris Wright
10. What is the Difference Between Sex & Intimacy?
Sex Is Intimacy for Most Couples
For Many Women, It Can Change to: “This Is Not What I Expected.”
11. If Sex Was Not Goal Oriented, Then What Would it Be?
Don’t Women Want to Have Sex As Well?
The Magic of Sexual Union
12. How This Process of LoveMaking Benefits Each of You
How Does Pure LoveMaking Affect Your Well-Being?
With LoveMaking, Excuses Don’t Show Up
13. How This Process of LoveMaking Affects Your Relationship Together
“This is Our Precious Time Together -- Just You & Me & Infinity.”
Even for Couples Who Feel Distant -- LoveMaking for Healing
the Relationship Together
Now, Let’s Focus on Developing the Specific Skills in LoveMaking
Approaches to Educating & Enriching Your Sex Lives
38
38
39
41
42
43
45
46
46
48
48
49
50
50
SECTION TWO: THE PROCESS OF MAKING LOVE In The LoveMa king Pr ocess
14. Morning & Evening Prayer - The Simplest LoveMaking
For Bonding, Enlivening, & Balancing Ourselves
East & West – Bringing Each Other into Balance
Morning & Evening Prayer
15. Making Love Free of Excitement or Sexualized Filters
(1) Your Focus is on the Pure Sensations, Moment by Moment
(2) Awareness is the Key
(3) Relax Your Activity, Shift gears. Assimilate.
(4) Staying Connected in the Present by Sharing Together
(5) Breathe! And Just Relaxxxx
What If Uncomfortable or Painful, Unresolved Feelings Come Up?
Breathing Leads to Spiritual Experience
Summary
16. The Start of Lovemaking
53
53
54
57
58
59
59
60
61
61
63
63
64
There is No “Foreplay.” There is Only Expressing & Enlivening Love
The Penis Touches the Vagina -- the Basis for LoveMaking
Letting the Process Innocently Move You Forward
Experiment
17. Ejaculating Before He Is Ready
For Most Men & Particularly to Prevent Premature Ejaculation
Premature Ejaculation Requires Strengthening the Pelvic Floor Muscles
The Process Men Should Use to Expand Beyond the Need for Ejaculation
How to Start LoveMaking to Avoid Premature Ejaculation
18. The Women’s Role in Lovemaking
Opening, Receiving, Absorbing, Responding
Woman as the Receiver vs. the Doer
Relaxation & Awareness Provide the Basis of Incredible Experiences
Movement & Relaxation – Movement With Awareness
Relaxed Awareness & Responsiveness vs. Passivity
The Woman’s Approach Can Set the Tone
If the Woman is the Receiver, Can She Do Things for the Man?
www.chriswrightcounseling.com
53
A New Orientation to Lovemaking
64
65
66
66
68
68
68
69
70
72
72
73
74
77
78
78
81
Copyright © 2006 Chris Wright
19. The Man’s Role in Lovemaking
0
All It Takes is Learning How
The Man’s Role in How LoveMaking Unfolds
The Natural Rhythms of LoveMaking
A Walk Through to Illustrate these Dynamics
Undressing Her
Embracing Her
Caressing Her
Keep Sharing, Responding, Expressing
Kissing Her
Touching Her
Her Breasts
Touching Her Genitals
Clitoral Stimulation
Penetration -- The Essence of Lovemaking
The Fear of Impotency
Moving Deeper into Her
The Incredible Pleasure & Power of Reversals
The Urge to Ejaculate
Love Play Continues
Oral Sex
The Woman Giving Oral Sex
The Man Giving Oral Sex
Discuss the Use of Oral Sex
Summary: the Man’s Approach to LoveMaking
Summary of the 15 Principles in LoveMaking
20. Completion in Lovemaking
85
86
86
87
87
88
88
89
89
89
93
96
99
100
101
102
104
105
108
110
111
111
113
115
115
117
120
SECTION THREE: AFTERWORDS
21. Now What? Going Forward Using The LoveMaking Process
Study & Learn this Material
Lighten up & Make it an Exploration
Make Love Frequently -- “Practice makes perfect.”
Perseverance.
Resolve Obstacles that Emerge
Men – Discover What it is Like Not to Ejaculate
Men Are Usually the One Who Decides What Kind of Sex You Will Be Having
22. Exercises for Sustaining & Deepening Sexual Pleasure
Kegel Exercises
Stretching & Strengthening the Pelvic Area Muscles
Support Each Other to Do These Exercises!
www.chriswrightcounseling.com
A New Orientation to Lovemaking
123
123
123
124
124
124
125
125
127
128
129
130
Copyright © 2006 Chris Wright
The LoveMaking Process
INTRODUCTION
There is a new orientation or consciousness emerging around sexual lovemaking. It is
one that offers a richer, more intimate and fulfilling experience of lovemaking than most
couples have become accustomed to in their sex life. The process teaches man and woman
how to make love together innocently, intimately, meaningfully. Couples find the experience
expands into realms of pleasure and ecstasy beyond physical sex or just an erotic sexual
release.
In this process, the focus shifts to something completely effortless and natural. You learn
together how to attune to that innocence, intimately -- with each other and within your
selves. Yet, the process goes beyond that. When your hearts and your bodies truly open up
and connect together, flow together, something magical happens. You transcend your
individual experience and merge into an experience together that is all consuming. It takes
you beyond the pleasure of sex, even beyond your heartfelt feelings together, into an
expansiveness at your spiritual core. There you find fulfillment, and wholeness, together.
Certainly, many have had experiences like this, or glimpses of this in their love
relationships. When couples initially fall in love, when their hearts were so open, their
innocence and love dominated their lovemaking experience. But the knowledge of how to
consciously maintain those experiences in lovemaking, even deepen them together, has been
lacking. Without that knowledge, sex can begin to lose its richness and fulfillment. It
becomes less about making love, a heartfelt expression of love together. Instead, many
couples find it becomes just a physical act of sexual gratification. It has lost its timeless
ability to touch your soul and nourish your love together.
This orientation and the process of making love in The LoveMaking Process are completely
unique. It has evolved from the teachings of Barry Long, a renowned mystic in the 1980’s
and 90’s in Australia. The process is unlike any system or approach to sex -- whether from
the East or West -- that you have experienced. And the results are far-reaching, creating in
your relationship a fabric of intimacy and fulfillment together that is greater than you could
imagine.
This manual outlines this orientation and teaches the skills in The LoveMaking Process.
Many couples find it meaningful to read it together out loud as a shared experience. Or you
may prefer reading at your own pace. Section One presents the theory, and Section Two
focuses on the specific process. As you practice these skills, some of you will discover habits
that have kept you from being fully attuned to your partner, or present with your selves, in
sex. We have found that repeated readings of this material will continually deepen your
understanding and clarity of the process. This greater awareness will enable you
increasingly to relax and “let go” into what is completely natural and innocent, again.
One last note: Even though the tradition of this approach views LoveMaking as an
inherently spiritual experience, you can strip away the spiritual concepts and jargon and
simply apply these healthy, basic principles in your sex lives. Regardless of your beliefs or
orientation, these simple processes will enrich and expand your sexual experiences together
as a couple. So that LoveMaking continues to be an important source of joy and intimate
fulfillment together.
www.chriswrightcounseling.com
A New Orientation to Lovemaking
Copyright © 2006 Chris Wright
✦ Transforming Sex Into Making Love
Page 54
CHAPTER 14
Morning & Evening Prayer
For Bonding, Enlivening & Balancing Ourselves
This is an abridged version of Chapter 14
There is a spiritual tradition that invites couples to make love using a very simple protocol each
morning and evening. As in all religious teachings, the male-female union is considered holy, as a type of
surrender and prayer together. In this exercise, known as Morning and Evening Prayer, the man and
woman come to be united together in one perfect, holy union. Each morning upon arising and/or
evening before sleep, the man and woman start the day and/or end the day by lying together. Their
naked bodies are touching, their arms around each other – with the flaccid penis touching and making
contact with the outer lips of the vagina. They move fluidly, different positions, different points of
contact, whole new sensations.
As the penis and the vagina touch, an energetic, magnetic connection is made. The yin and yang
energy poles of the Universe have connected. This is very sublime to experience. You continue to relax
your Awareness, as there is nowhere to go, nothing to do but enjoy the sensations of your bodies
together. You may be kissing, caressing, exploring each other, delighting in each other. Just as in
cuddling, except that his penis gently feels and slowly explores the outer lips of her labia. He is not even
erect yet, but enjoys the sensation of contact with the vagina.
Emotionally they just relax, moving with and enjoying all the sensations of their bodies embracing,
allowing the bodies to drink in the physical connection to each other. Cuddling, kissing, tasting,
discovering -- feeling everything that emerges together -- lightly, sensitively, with Awareness, together.
They get out of their minds and into their bodies, and into their hearts, where love is being made.
The bodies know how to move together to enjoy their connection. No practiced moves, everything
is innocent enjoyment together of all the many sensations that emerge. As they savor and let go into the
experience, they can feel the penis and vagina responding -- expanding, opening –- innocently, without
effort. It is a wonderful experience to enjoy, and to watch unfold together. The penis and vagina are
highly sensitive, conscious instruments of perception that will take on a life of their own. They respond
to each other as in a dance -- acquainting, discovering, enjoying, unfolding, and melding into one
together. You just have to get out of the way. . .
If time does not allow, then this connection is complete. The cleansing, fulfilling energies are
released into each other’s being. You are basking in this love together, into these innocent sensations,
into the ripples of Life force energies streaming through your bodies, through the penis and vagina’s
connection. Let that natural rhythm take you to heaven. This is your Morning Prayer, your Evening
Prayer. This is your connection to Source. And it is your fundamental union with each other.
The experience of fully connecting these two fundamental Life forces with the aware penis in the
welcoming vagina enables something extraordinary to emerge, something that nourishes your soul. This
is the same incredible moment that many couples experienced when they first fell in love. This moment,
this sublime “in-love” moment, happens every time, no matter how many years and years go by. It never
becomes stale. Energetically, it is the lifeblood of your innocent love. But it takes making love free of
sexual or erotic excitement and imagination to experience fully and freely.
www.chriswrightcounseling.com
A New Orientation to Lovemaking
Copyright © 2006 Chris Wright
✦ Transforming Sex Into Making Love
Page 55
This is Morning and Evening Prayer in its simplest form. There is more to experience in expressing
your selves in making love with this live energy, but we will explore that as you read further. However,
as you learn how to make the shift over to LoveMaking, you eventually let go of all frameworks. By then,
everything you do comes from that place of innocence and appreciation inside. So there is no need for
structure. There are no rules, or frameworks, or steps, or techniques to follow.
Morning and Evening Prayer are designed for you to soak in the closeness and stillness of your
union each day, whether you come together for 10 minutes or an hour. In connecting to these energies
with each other, you find peace within yourselves. The experience of a meditative, enlivening state of
Oneness, of perfect balance, becomes a form of spiritual practice in your lives together. Movement and
Stillness together, Awareness and surrender, innocence and attunement, passion and the sublime, love
and appreciation – that is LoveMaking. You are melding together, celebrating together, for as long as you
desire. As you will discover, the energies that are being unleashed to reverberate throughout your body
and your soul, they dictate the pace. At times, it can unfold into intensity or quietly into the sublime -whatever is needed unfolds naturally. It can expand into a transcendent Expanded Orgasm, or it might
build up to a narrow Peak Orgasm. As you will. Together.
Morning Prayer enlivens your mind and your body, preparing you for a lively day. Evening Prayer
relaxes the mind and body, smoothes out any rough edges, as you prepare for an evening or a good
night’s sleep. With the balancing of the energy meridians, it is like having a relaxing, invigorating
morning and evening massage -- an inner massage, if you will. Tensions, discord, emotional distance all
are melted away, cleansed from your spirit.
In addition to the love that is enlivened together, making love now becomes a process of opening up
deeply and feeling together, caring together, as well as a meditation, relaxation, and purification together - in all ways, a balancing of your self. The whole process is invaluable for strengthening the fabric of
your relationship as you truly connect together as One. Each day this becomes something you can offer
each other that is incredibly special and nourishing. Not taking advantage of this in your relationship is
to miss a precious gift in being together.
Note that this simplified process of LoveMaking does not need to be clothed in a spiritual framework
of morning or evening “prayer.” You can make love together anytime simply because you enjoy it
together. Or because you enjoy the increased flow of energy that it gives you. Or you enjoy how relaxed
and content it makes you both feel. Or you make love for the wonderful timeless Expanded Orgasms
that continue for hours that you experience. Or, maybe come together to deepen your “quality time”
together -- you enjoy the closeness of your relationship, with the love of your life.
Now let’s expand beyond this most simplest framework of LoveMaking. There is much more to be
experienced.
www.chriswrightcounseling.com
A New Orientation to Lovemaking
Copyright © 2006 Chris Wright