Tutor Corrections Example #4 Tutor Corrections Example 4 Cover Letter & Resume Online ESL Writing Tutor © 2011 Name: Example #4 Writing: Business :ULWLQJ (cover letter & resume) – about 00 words Topic: Job Posting: Full-Time Security Guard We are currently seeking experienced guards for several locations in the Greater Toronto area. Successful applicants must have: a valid security license, security experience or 12 years of customer service experience, Occupational First Aid level 2 or 3, class 5 drivers license, flexible availability including graveyard shifts and weekends. If you fulfill the above requirements and qualifications, please send us your resume before February 11th. Original Writing [About 400 words] Cover Letter Dear Sir or Madam, I’m very pleased to have responded to your advertisement for the seeking security guard position. I have 5 years of experience working as security and I worked in 3 different companies. I have excellent customer service experience. I am very qualified for the job and I have ability to travel anywhere. Also, I am available to work anytime. Furthermore, this includes the graveyard and weekend shift. I have good computer skills and I work with different people well. I can speak 3 languages. You can see these skills on my resume I attached. I will work hard and help your company give better security and customer service. I will be pleased to fulfill with you my qualifications and much detail for an interview with th your company. I understand the opening to finish on February 11 . So I’m looking forward to hear from you soon. If you have some questions, please contact me. Thank you for allowing my application. Yours truly, John Smith 300 Main Street Vancouver, British Columbia (xxx) xxx-xxxx [email protected] resume.doc Continued on the next page… Online ESL Writing Tutor © 2011 www.esl-writingtutor.com Page 1 of 5 Tutor Corrections Example #4 Resume: …continued from the previous page. John Smith 300 Main Street Vancouver, British Columbia Tel:(604) XXX-XXXX e-mail:[email protected] Security Guard full-time I’m an experienced Security Guard with huge experience in furnishing personal, equipment, and land security. Example 4 Cover Letter & Resume Online ESL Writing Tutor © 2011 Qualifications  Over 5 years of experience  Know locking systems and safety process  Detection of problems and report of informations  Excellent driving ability  Find solutions to help customers for their complaints  Excellent communication skills Professional Experience ABC Inc., Surrey, BC Security Guard        2008 - Present Watching areas by feet or in a vehicle. Inspected doors, windows, and gates for security. Edified and cautioned those of infractions Checked and reported misdeeds. Such as fire hazards, leaking water, and doors unlocked Started alarms during emergencies Create shift reports Managed company's vehicle and provided safe and fast transportation of company's goods. 2005 - 2008 XYZ Bank, Delta, BC Security Guard Part-Time     Patrolling area by feet Responsible for keeping premises secure Completed daily reports of activities Ensured bank customers had positive experience Education & Training BC Driver’s License Class 5 St. John’s Ambulance School First Aid Exp. Nov 2011 Delta High School, Delta, BC High School Diploma (2002) References I can provide references with your request. Online ESL Writing Tutor © 2011 www.esl-writingtutor.com Page 2 of 5 Tutor Corrections Example #4 1. The tutor’s corrections A: Cover Letter Dear Sir or Madam, Example 4 Cover Letter & Resume Online ESL Writing Tutor © 2011 I’m very pleased to have respond to your advertisement for the seeking security guard position. I have 5 years of experience working in security and I have worked in 3 different companies. I have an excellent customer service record. I am very qualified for the job, and I have the ability to travel anywhere. Also, I am available to work anytime, including the graveyard and weekend shifts. I have good computer skills and I work well with different people. I can speak 3 languages. You can see these skills on my resume I attached. I will work hard and help your company provide better security and customer service. I am pleased to discuss with you my qualifications in more detail in an interview with your company. I understand the (application period will close?) on February 11th, so I’m looking forward to hear from you soon. If you have some questions, please contact me. Thank you for considering my application. Continued on the next page… Online ESL Writing Tutor © 2011 www.esl-writingtutor.com Page 3 of 5 Tutor Corrections Example #4 B: Resume …continued from the previous page. John Smith 300 Main Street Vancouver, British Columbia Tel:(604) XXX-XXXX e-mail:[email protected] Security Guard full-time I’m an experienced Security Guard with extensive experience in personal, equipment, and property security. Example 4 Cover Letter & Resume Online ESL Writing Tutor © 2011 Qualifications  Over 5 years of experience  Practiced in locking systems and safety process  Detection of problems and report information – what do you mean?  Excellent driving ability  Find solutions to help customers with their complaints  Excellent communication skills Professional Experience ABC Inc., Surrey, BC Security Guard       2008 - Present Surveillance of areas by foot or in a vehicle. Inspect doors, windows, and gates for security. Check and report issues, such as fire hazards, leaking water, and unlocked doors Start alarms during emergencies Create shift reports Manage company's vehicles and provide safe and fast transportation of products. 2005 - 2008 XYZ Bank, Delta, BC Security Guard Part-Time     Patrolled area by foot Responsible for keeping premises secure Completed daily reports of activities Made sure bank customers had a positive experience Education & Training BC Driver’s License Class 5 St. John’s Ambulance School First Aid Exp. Nov 2011 Delta High School, Delta, BC High School Diploma (2002) References I can provide references upon your request. Online ESL Writing Tutor © 2011 www.esl-writingtutor.com Page 4 of 5 Tutor Corrections Example #4 2. General notes When you registered, you wrote you have been studying English for over 1 year, and you are looking for a new job. A cover letter is your first impression with a new company, so it’s a good idea to show you are different from other people applying for the same job, and at the same time making it clear you are qualified for the job. Most companies don’t have the time to read every cover letter and resume carefully, so it’s good to see that your resume is 1 page. Example 4 Cover Letter & Resume Online ESL Writing Tutor © 2011 Good luck! Things to improve: - Try to organize your ideas so the letter moves from topic to topic more naturally - Add more detail about what you do in your current job – give examples and explain your qualifications in more detail: write how many and which languages you can speak for example - Consider changing your email address to be more professional - Rename your resume file to include your first & last name - Study and practice different word forms [noun – verb – adjective – adverb] - Review and practice grammar tenses [present & past tenses] Online ESL Writing Tutor © 2011 www.esl-writingtutor.com Page 5 of 5