1. travel
2. tourist destinations
3. national parks

Two dates sounds like a boyfriend to me
“I can't” I said.
“Come on Kate, you know you want to.”
“Yeah, but I can't”
“Sure you can. Don't make me beg. Okay, I'll beg. Please, please, please, please please.”
“No.”
”I've got a huge plate of scrumptious brownies. Cooked by me and Chloe. I'm waving it under
the phone, wafting the smell over the network, how can you resist that rich chocolatey
yumminess?” My laugh encouraged her. “Come round to mine” she ordered me. “Come now.
Come to me. Come to me.” The last bit was warbled in an attempt to sound like a hypnotist.
“I can't, sorry.”
“Can.”
“Emma! Shut up with it. I can't go out, I don't have time.”
“But we haven't seen you for ages, you've been gone forever.”
“One week, Em, I was on holiday one week.”
“How'd that go?” I pulled a face but that doesn't work on the phone.
“Okay.”
“I thought they were going to let you stay home on your own.”
“Me too, but I should've known they'd say no in the end.”
“So did you make any new friends?” Emma loaded the word friend with so much emphasis
that I couldn't miss what she meant.
“I did make a new friend” I said casually.
“Oooh, tell all.” Fuzzy scuffling and bumping assaulted my ear, a small shriek and a worrying
thud. I waited.
“Hello Kate” sang Chloe's voice.
“Hi Chlo. You got it on speaker now?”
“Too right. Like I'm going to just sit here listening to Em going ooh and wow and what
happened then?”
“Anyway,” said Emma loudly, “Kate's holiday friend?”
I gave up on the unpacking and settled back onto my bed. “He was staying in the cottage next
to ours. His name was Barney. We went for long walks along the cliff-top and in the evening
we'd sit on the beach and watch the waves reflecting the moonlight and he'd gaze at me with
his beautiful dark eyes. And when I gave him a biscuit he'd wag his tail.”
“Kate. Oh Kate. You poor thing. You're so single you're taking comfort from dumb animals.”
“So single?” huffed Chloe, she could barely talk she was laughing so much. “You should have
seen her face, Kate. So single? What does that even mean?”
“He wasn't a dumb animal. He was very intelligent. For a dog. He could do tricks and
everything.”
Emma cut through our laughter. “Chloe's got a boyfriend.”
“Really? What happened? I was only gone a week.”
“Lot can happen in a week” said Emma
“Obviously. Chloe?”
“He’s not really a boyfriend! I’ve only been out with him once.”
“And they’re going out again tonight” announced Emma. “Two dates sounds like a boyfriend to
me. Hang on.” I heard movement.
“It's The Worm” Chloe told me. “Emma's supposed to be giving him a message from their
mum.” The Worm is Emma’s younger brother but we stopped calling him that to his face a
couple of years ago when he got tall. I heard a muffled conversation being shouted over great
distance then the slam of a door.
“Okay, back. What did I miss?”
“Nothing” said Chloe. “I was assuming you'd want to tell Kate all about it.”
1
“Don't have a row about it” I said quickly “Just tell me.”
Chloe took a deep breath, I could tell it was going to be a long explanation. “Well, you know
they had a theme night at the bowling alley on the Saturday you went away? Everyone had to
dress as a superhero. I didn’t know what to go as but in the end I just made myself a
Catwoman mask. Emma went as Spiderman in red tights and leotard, she looked great.
Anyway, you know Adam who lives down the road from me?”
“It’s not him is it?” Adam was the world’s biggest geek. He would have been able to tell
everyone the back-story of their character and when they first appeared in a comic.
“No, of course not! But he was there with some guys we didn’t know. They all admired Emma’s
costume then they asked us to join their team. I thought it would be boring if they were
friends of Adam but they were okay; and one of them was called Matt and he was really funny.
He bought me a couple of drinks then, at the end, he said could he walk me home and I said
yes, so he did. And then when we got to my house...”
“Did he kiss you?”
“Yes but it was only a peck, it wasn’t a full on snog and then he said he’d been thinking of going
to see “The Dragon’s Revenge” and did I want to go with him and I said yes.”
“But you hate kung fu films.”
“So? Then on Wednesday he came and picked me up and I made sure I was ready in plenty of
time and I tried to hang around near the hall without being too obvious, but when he rang the
bell my dad still got to the door before me.”
“They always do that” said Emma. “My mum, I don't know how she manages it sometimes.”
“It wasn't too bad. Dad said Hello, you must be Matt, and Matt said Yes, hello. I shoved Dad
really hard and he moved enough for me to squeeze out. Then Matt said Hi Chloe and I tried to
smile confidently but my Hi sounded more like a squeak to me. Then Dad watched us walk
miles down the road before he shut the door. And I got all self-concious about my arms, I
didn't want to swing my hand close to Matt in case it looked like I expected him to hold it, and
I didn't have pockets because I was wearing a dress, so I ended up crossing and uncrossing
them and fiddling with my bag.”
“So what was the film like?”
“There’s a lot of interesting social commentary in martial arts films. People don’t realise the
depth of their narrative form.” Emma snorted loudly. “Actually it was rather boring but he
cuddled me round onto his shoulder and kept stroking me so I wasn't that bothered about the
film. Then he bought me a Caramel Macchiato and a huge cookie and told me about the
narrative form stuff and then we walked home.”
“So did he kiss you properly this time? Is he a good kisser?”
“Um, yes. But all the time I was worried that one of my parents would open the front door.
Stop laughing Emma!” I hurriedly put my hand over my phone. Chloe's not very confident and
she hadn't been on that many dates.
“Crap, what's the time? I'm supposed to be getting ready for work. Hang on.” I took the
phone away from my ear to check. “No, I'm okay.” I put my phone on speaker too and balanced
it on my pillow so that I could start getting sorted.
“Are you sure you want this job Kate?” asked Emma. “You’ll lose all your evenings and you’ll
smell of fish and chips all the time. It’ll get in your hair and your clothes and you’ll never be
able to wash it off. And loads of weird people go in the Golden Fry; you’ll have to be nice to
Smelly Sid. Just think of the great things you could be doing with me instead of standing
around in an ugly tabard getting fishy.”
“Think of the money” I said, shoving about half a suitcase of unworn clothes roughly into a
random drawer.
“I think it’s probably a good place to work,” said Chloe. “You will have to be nice to Smelly Sid.
And Keith The Dog Man. But it’ll be more fun than working in a shop. Loads of people go in
there and just hang; Jasper never throws you out, even if you only bought a Coke, and he
doesn’t mind if the staff gossip with the customers.”
“Oh yeah” interrupted Emma. “Good thinking. I can go down tonight, see how you're getting on
2
while Chlo's out with Matt.” I wasn’t sure I wanted Emma hanging around the Golden Fry while
I tried to get my head round my new job. I was starting to get nervous, I was sure that it would
all be more complicated than it looked from the other side of the counter. Jasper was nice, and
I thought he would be patient if I made mistakes, but I would rather Emma wasn’t there to
turn them into anecdotes for school.
“There’ll be loads of hot boys coming in for chips.” Emma said. “Boys live on chips. I don’t want
to leave you there on your own with all those guys, you’ll probably get hooked up too and then
I’ll be all alo-o-o-ne.” The last word was wailed plaintively, Chloe and I burst out laughing.
“There's a new guy working there” said Chloe. “He’s nice. It’ll be love among the chip fat and
Emma will be all alo-o-o-ne.”
“I haven’t seen the new guy, is he hot?” asked Emma hopefully.
“Emma. Please don't come to the Golden Fry tonight” I begged. “Please. I'm nervous enough,
please don't hang around and distract me.”
“You just want to shotgun the new guy” she complained.
“No I don't, honest. You don't even know he'll be working tonight.”
“I'll bet he is. I'll bet he's really lush.”
“Even if he is I doubt I'll have time to notice.”
“You say that now. I've got a feeling, “ she put on her spooky voice, “I've got a feeling you're life
is going to change tonight.”
“I doubt that.” I laughed.
3
Sensible footwear is a god-send
Dad dropped me off on the corner and I hurried along to the Golden Fry. Emma and Chloe
had made me nearly late, but at least the rushing and lift begging had meant that I hadn't had a
chance to indulge my nerves. As I pushed the door I felt tendrils of apprehension uncoil from
my stomach, but when I saw that Maureen was there they became easier to ignore . Maureen
has worked there longer than I can remember, kind and jolly, she’s everyone’s Gran.
“I’m Kate? Jasper told me to come down at six?”
She opened the counter for me. “Oh yes, well come on in then and we’ll get you sorted out.
You’re early, that’s good. Tick, can you cover here?” Still talking, she took me through to the
back room and started rummaging in a plastic box. “Good girl for wearing flat shoes, sensible
footwear is a god-send in this business. Here try this on for size.” She handed me an apron.
“You can put your things in that cupboard, Jasper will do all the paperwork with you when he
turns up. This notice-board is where it all happens; the shift rota is that white sheet there,
keep an eye on it, no-one else will be responsible for making sure you turn up at the right time.
Anyone who wants to swap a shift puts a note on the board and hopes for the best. Don’t let
Ryan take you for a ride, he always tries to get Saturday night free, only swap with him if
there’s something in it for you. There’s tea and coffee on the shelf over the kettle, you can
make one any time it’s quiet. If you take a can of drink out of the shop fridge you put a note by
the till. Jasper usually lets us have them on the house, especially if it’s hot, and as long as it’s
not too many, but don’t think he won’t notice if you don’t leave a note, he notices everything. At
the end of your shift you put your apron in the hamper over there, clean ones are in this box
when you come into work. It’s worth having a dig through, they’re all different sizes and some
of them are getting a bit tatty. That one looks all right though.” She looked at me. “Yes, you’ll
do, come through and I’ll show you the till.”
I followed her meekly back into the shop. There were two guys working, one of them was
familiar from my visits as a customer but I couldn’t remember his name, the other one, the one
she’d called Tick, I’d never seen before. Was this Chloe's new guy? I didn’t get a chance to look
at him properly because Maureen had stopped in front of the till and all my attention was
taken by a horrifying array of buttons. Maureen was at her most mumsy.
“Don’t worry, it’s much easier than it looks, a smart girl like you should pick it up in no time.
We’ll just have you working the till today then next time, when you’ve got the hang of that, you
can serve as well.” I wasn’t sure I’d ever get the hang of it but I found myself nodding.
“Is it all right if I’m off now?” the familiar guy asked.
“Yes, you can go John, see you on Wednesday.” John gave me a friendly grin and walked
towards the back room taking his apron off. He returned a minute later and let himself out
through the counter, laughing at my face as I gazed at the till.
“It quite simple really, even Maureen can do it.” Maureen cuffed the back of his head as he
ducked past her.
The till wasn’t as bad as it looked, the screen did most of the work for me, prompting me to
push the right buttons. All I had to do was pay attention. I managed to serve a few customers
without messing anything up and started to relax. It wasn’t long before Maureen stopped
watching my every move, just shovelling the chips and wrapping fish when they were ordered.
The fish was starting to become a real worry for me, I’d never realised how many types there
were. Maureen confidently lifted down different pieces for different orders and I couldn’t see
how she could tell each one apart; they all just looked like battered fish to me. After a while
the tea time rush petered out and Maureen announced that we all deserved a nice cup of tea. I
fought down the panic as she left me alone at the counter, desperately hoping that if any
customers came in they only wanted chips. I was reasonably confident that I could handle an
order for “one portion of chips open”. I glanced back at the guy she’d called Tick and he smiled
encouragingly, he was taking a break from frying now that we were slowing down. I smiled
back as Maureen came out with two mugs, she handed one to Tick and put one on the counter
next to me.
4
“I haven’t put any sugar in, do you want me to bring some when I come back with mine?”
“No thanks.” She disappeared out the back again and I tried to get a good look at Tick without
him realising. He was kind of cute, I decided, but in a vague sort of way that I couldn’t pin
down. He was about average height with blond hair gelled into random spikes, nice face, but
with a sort of blandness to it that I found slightly odd. All of his features were pleasant
individually but I trouble focusing on his whole face, there was something anonymous about
him. It wasn’t that he had no character, his eyes were lively and he looked friendly, but as I
turned away I couldn’t remember anything specific about him.
Maureen returned and Tick wandered over to us carrying his mug.
“That’s better” said Maureen. “Can’t beat a good cuppa.” Tick and I exchanged glances and
grinned.
“How are you finding it so far?” he asked me.
“Not too bad, but Maureen’s letting me off easy. I don’t know how it’ll go when I have to do
everything.” He laughed, he had a very pleasant voice; he sounded older than I’d expected
from the look of him; I'd put him at my age, but now I wasn't sure. “How long have you been
working here?” I asked him.
“I started last week, but I’ve had jobs like this before. You’ll soon pick it up.”
“I hope I do” I sighed. “I’m getting worried about the fish.”
Tick’s leaned easily on the counter. “I don’t think you should work here if fish frighten you.” I
laughed with him.
“No, I’m worried that I can’t tell one type from another. How does Maureen know which one is
cod and which one is plaice?” They were both laughing now. Tick lifted two pieces of fish down
and put them on the paper.
“Look, this one is cod and this one is plaice.” I looked and they were obviously different shapes,
even to me. Maureen patted me on the shoulder.
“No-one will leave you alone till you’re confident, if you’re not sure just ask.” I sighed again.
The door opened and a couple came in. As they approached the counter the man asked for
“One cod and chips, one plaice and chips please.” Maureen nodded at me and Tick strolled
back to his fryer. I served them myself, using the fish Tick had just put on the counter and
trying to shovel the chips with the same flourish that Maureen used, then I rang it into the till
and gave them their change. As they walked out Maureen and Tick started clapping and the
woman glanced back, puzzled.
The customers came in slowly over the rest of the evening and I served most of them
myself, occasionally helped by Maureen. Jasper came in later and went through into the back
room, he gave me a smile and a thumbs up as he passed, I tried to look efficient as I wrapped
the fish. He reappeared waving some sheets of paper.
“Come on then Kate, let’s make you official.” He opened the counter and ushered me through.
The area at the front isn’t very large, just five tables with chairs round them. There was no-one
sitting there, and Jasper went over to the one in the corner where he usually sits, doing his
books, reading the paper or just chatting with customers. Jasper doesn’t actually work in the
shop that much, he drifts in and out keeping an eye on things, covering shifts if people are sick.
Mainly he appears to treat the Golden Fry as part of his social life, everyone knows him and he
seems to know nearly everyone. The paperwork wasn’t bad, just a couple of forms which
Jasper whizzed through then I signed.
“How’s it going?” he asked.
“Okay I think, no-one’s shouted at me yet.”
“I can’t imagine Maureen shouting at anyone. The most I’ve ever heard her do is sigh deeply,
which she’ll probably do quite soon if I don’t send you back to work. I can see she’s just itching
to put the kettle on now it’s quiet, but she doesn’t want to leave the counter. In my experience
most of the workplaces of Britain are kept going by a nice cup of tea.” He raised his voice as I
stood up. “Coffee for me please, Maureen.” She nodded and bustled off to the back. Tick leaned
over the counter and grinned at Jasper.
“I see you survived then,” he said.
5
Jasper laughed. “Incorrigible boy! You should have more respect for your elders.”
“Well, you seemed to find it a bit of a challenge at the time.”
Jasper pulled a face. “When you said you were cooking chilli I thought you meant that you
were cooking a dish that included some chillies. I hadn’t realised that you were making a pot
of chillies with a meat and tomato garnish.”
Tick was laughing. “Some of us can take it and some can’t, there are real men and then there
are wimps.” I joined in the laughter as Jasper narrowed his eyes and growled at him.
“I don’t have time to bandy words with culinary terrorists, I have some orders to sort out.” He
picked up my forms, frowned fiercely at Tick, and went back to the office.
Tick and I exchanged glances and started laughing again. I was trying to work out how he
came to be cooking for Jasper.
“Was it really that hot? I asked.
“To tell the truth it was much hotter than I intended. I’ve never made it before and I made a
slight misjudgement when I decided how many chillies to put in. I don't think we'll be sharing
the cooking from now on.”
“You're staying with Jasper?”
“I'm his new lodger.”
“In his house?”
“Why not?” He smiled gently at me, humouring my confusion.
“He's never had a lodger before.”
“How long have you known Jasper?” he asked.
“All my life really, he and my dad go way back. That's how I got this job.”
He smiled a lovely slow smile which lit up his face. “Don’t tell him it was a mistake, I’m getting
such good mileage out of the men and wimps line.”
“Poor old Jasper.”
“I’m sure he’ll get his own back.”
Maureen leaned between us. “He'll probably take you twitching with him” she said as she
picked up the empty mugs.
Tick frowned. “Twitching?”
“Bird-watching,” I explained. “Jasper’s become obsessed with owls. He thinks nothing's more
fun that spending half the night crawling round the undergrowth listening out for hooting. If
it’s raining and cold that just adds to the fun.”
“Does he see many?”
“No idea, I tend to switch off when he starts talking about it.”
Tick grinned. “He has mentioned bird-watching to me but I thought it involved gentle walks on
sunny afternoons, maybe with a picnic.”
“Well, if you’re staying with Jasper you’ll probably end up knowing more about birds than any
reasonable person needs to know. If you don't look out you'll know far too much about muddy
undergrowth as well.”
“Does he only watch owls? You’re not making it sound very enticing.”
“He does go out in the day as well, but I’m not sure we’re talking about gentle strolls and
picnics.” Tick smiled his slow smile again and I returned it, thinking how good looking he was
when he smiled. I tried not to think about how Emma and Chloe had been joking about me
hitching up with the new guy, the last thing I needed now was to become self-conscious.
While I shovelled chips and counted change I tried to imagine Jasper with a house guest. As
long as I can remember Jasper's domain has been a ramshackle collection of barns and sheds
encircling an ancient farmhouse on the edge of the town. It wasn't that Jasper was
unwelcoming, but on the few occasions I'd visited him there'd been a definite aura of solitude,
of imposing on his personal space, all the more tangible because it was so at odds with the
Jasper that you met anywhere else. Impossible to imagine how he'd ended up with a young
man staying with him. I'd have to dig the info out of Dad when I got home, I decided.
Jasper came back through, a mug in one hand and a folder in the other. He sat down again in
his usual place and emptied the folder on to the table, picking up a pen and ignoring us.
6
Maureen was pottering round doing something with the chip buckets so, as there were still no
customers, Tick and I were left leaning on the counter chatting. I was glad that I’d bothered to
find a proper hair clip and hadn’t just scraped my hair back into an unflattering bunch at my
neck.
“What’s Tick short for, anyway?” I asked him.
He shrugged. “It’s just my name.”
“Your real name?”
“It’s what people call me.”
“How did you get Tick for a nickname?”
He frowned. “It’s not a nickname, it’s just my name.”
“Really? That’s what’s on your birth certificate?”
He stared hard into my eyes for a few seconds then said firmly, “It’s just my name.”
I laughed. “Suit yourself, but I’ll bet that’s not what your mum calls you.” He looked confused
for a moment then turned away from me, I thought he looked worried as he moved back to the
fryer but I couldn’t understand it. I’d only teased him gently, his reaction seemed oddly
intense. I turned to the till, embarrassed that I’d misjudged the situation so badly. He’d seemed
so easy going, I’d expected him to be able to take it. I glanced back at him and caught him
frowning at me, he looked away quickly; his face angry. A group of girls came in for chips and I
was glad of the distraction. I was exasperated with myself for letting him get to me, if he had a
thing about his name he didn’t have to be so grumpy about it; it wasn’t my problem. Maureen
was wiping the counter with a cloth, she didn’t seem to have noticed the strange conversation
at all. Jasper glanced up from his paperwork, his eyes flicking from me to Tick before looking
down again, concentrating on the forms.
Tick and I kept out of each other’s way for the rest of the evening. Every now and then I’d
see him out of the corner of my eye, frowning at me with a puzzled look on his face. It freaked
me out a bit, I couldn’t work out what was going on with him. I decided he must just be a lot
weirder than he had first seemed. So much for the cute new guy working at the chip shop, he
was obviously a lost cause as far as boyfriend material went. Luckily it wasn’t long before the
shop shut, I hoped he wouldn’t be working next time I was, I could feel him still watching me.
Ten minutes before we were due to shut Mum turned up, Jasper grinned when he saw her.
“Hi Anne, your baby’s all safe and sound.”
“I just thought Kate might like a lift home after her first day at work. I know you're laughing at
me, but I don't care, the High Street can get quite rough late in the evening.”
“Mum we’ve already done this! I don’t think many people are going to be raping and pillaging
up and down the High Street on a Monday night.”
“But what about when you work at the weekend?”
“Don't worry Anne, I’ll make sure that she always gets a lift home or taxi money if she’s
working late. Sit here and have a soothing bag of chips with me” Jasper made a big show of
pulling out a chair for her, he caught my eye and I flung some chips into a bag, grumbling
under my breath. Giving me a huge grin and wink, he picked up the bag and flipped it neatly
onto the table between them.
Maureen and Tick had started what was obviously the closing up routine, cleaning
equipment and putting things away. Maureen threw me a cloth and pointed to the front of the
shop so I let myself out of the counter and worked my way round the tables and chairs. Tick
had finished shutting down the frying equipment, he came out and turned the sign on the door
to closed, then started sweeping the floor. He was watching me out of the corner of his eye, I
made sure I didn’t get in his way as I mopped and he swept. When we were done I went out
into the back room to dump my apron. Maureen found me a pen and a spare piece of paper so
that I could write down my shifts for the rest of the week. It wasn’t too bad, a couple of hours
after school on Thursday then most of Saturday evening, I remembered Emma’s fear of being
all alo-o-o-one and grinned to myself. Not only would I have plenty of free time from the look
of it, but she need have no worries about me getting hooked up with the new boy. When I
came back out Tick had sat at the table next to Mum, they were sharing the chips and laughing
7
at something Jasper had just said. I sat on the fourth chair. Tick took a chip as he got up and
walked away into the back room. I frowned at his back, it was probably a coincidence but I felt
I'd caused his abrupt departure. I hoped I was being paranoid; when I was writing down my
shifts I’d seen that he was working most of the week, he would be there every time that I was. I
wished I hadn’t teased him about his name but, honestly, it didn’t explain such a total change
of mood.
I was still grumping to myself as Mum and I walked back to the car.
“I expect he’d got a stupid name like Malcolm or Timothy or something.” I said
“Who?” asked Mum.
“Tick, of course.” I was surprised, I remembered the fun she’d had with some of Luke’s friends.
Once he’d introduced her to someone called “Grilla”, and although she’d been kind enough to
wait till the poor guy had left, she’d found it hilarious. I’d thought that a dumb name like Tick
would have given her lots of ammunition.
“What do you mean?” she asked. “His name’s just Tick isn’t it?”
“It can’t be. No one would christen a baby Tick!”
“What are you talking about? It’s not an unusual name, it can’t be the first time you’ve come
across it.”
“You’re joking! I’ve never met anyone called Tick before.”
“Well, I have, I don’t know why you find it so odd.”
“Is it short for something?” I asked, wondering if I’d made myself look stupid.
“I don’t think so, it’s just a fairly ordinary name.”
“So who else do you know called Tick?”
“I don’t know, just lots of people.”
“Like who?”
She looked a bit vague. “Just people. It’s just an ordinary name.”
“Well I think it’s weird, like its owner.”
“I thought he was a very nice boy.”
I sighed. Any minute now she was going to say that he seemed well brought up, her ultimate
accolade. “I think it will be good for Jasper having him stay for a while, he’s a very pleasant
young man. He'll be interesting company for him.”
“Why is he staying with Jasper?”
“He’s the son of some old friends of Jasper's, they’ve gone travelling apparently. Jasper was
telling me all about it just now. Tick was supposed to be starting at university this year so they
rented out their house and bought a camper van. Jasper says it's a mid-life crisis, says they're
trying to re-create the sixties they weren't old enough for. But Tick put a spoke in their plans
by deciding at the last minute to take a gap year. Jasper's putting him up till he decides what
he's going to do with himself.”
“Doesn't sound like much fun, spending your gap year at Jasper's.”
“I’m not sure he knows yet what he wants to do, it seems to have been a bit of a snap decision,
perhaps he couldn’t face any more studying for a while.”
I was tired when we got home. I gave my hair a quick sniff, it smelt all right to me; I decided
it was too late to wash it, I’d have a shower in the morning. I was pleased with my first day at
work, it didn’t seem too hard a way to earn some money. Apart from the odd thing with Tick it
had been fine. I thought it over and decided I was over-reacting, he was definitely moody and
I’d make sure I never teased him again, but surely we could get along enough to work
together? I remembered the conversation I’d had with Mum about his name. That was odd, I’d
never heard of Tick as a name before tonight, what was going on there? If she knew all these
people called Tick why couldn’t she actually come up with one? I just hoped that I wouldn’t
have to see him too much outside the chip shop, I wouldn’t put it past her to invite him round
with Jasper.
8
I think I'm in love
Our school has a “smart dress” policy; sixth formers are supposed to dress as if they were
going to work in an office. Emma had spent half the summer holiday in clothes shops trying to
stretch the rules to the absolute limit without technically breaking them; her campaign to
outwit the teachers was bitterly fought on both sides and it was often hard to tell who was
winning. I’d tried to go shopping by myself at the beginning of August but Mum hadn't been
prepared to release the money. Both my parents are teachers and they take letters from school
more seriously than I think strictly necessary. Mum had accompanied me, constantly reciting
the mantra “But would you wear that if you worked in a bank?” I kept pointing out the
difference between guidelines and rules but she was being professionally deaf. Dragged along
in her comet trail of righteousness, I gave up. When we got home I'd shoved all the bags in the
wardrobe and ignored them for the rest of the summer.
I rang Emma's doorbell wearing black trousers and one of the boring-but-hopefully-ungross tops. Emma was running late, rushing around throwing things into her bag and keeping
up a constant stream of threats against The Worm who, according to her, had deliberately
hidden all her school stuff. When we met up with Chloe on the corner she started telling her
all about it, stopping only as we went into the classroom and realised that Mrs.Warner had
beaten us to it. I was expecting a comment about us starting the year badly, but she just raised
her eyebrows pointedly and carried on with her talk about suitable behaviour for sixth
formers. No one was taking much notice, it was basically a repeat of the talk we’d had at the
end of last term. Everyone was looking round assessing how everyone else looked. I was
relieved to see that my clothes were much the same as everyone else’s; in fact one girl was
wearing the same top as me. Emma was wearing some of her more subdued purchases,
obviously she was going to build up slowly to her more controversial wardrobe.
The thing that everyone had been looking forward to was being allowed to leave school
premises at lunch time, and as soon as the bell rang the entire year streamed out of the gates.
Emma, Chloe and I went over the road to the park and sat on the swings while we decided
what to do. Chloe was moaning about their English teacher.
“And then he produced a huge list of books and announced that he expected us to have already
read most of them, and if we hadn’t we should find time to read them now. They’re not on the
syllabus or anything, he just thinks that we should be “well read”. In actual fact I have read a
lot of them but that’s not the point.”
Emma sighed. “I’m so hungry, what can we get?”
“I vote chips” said Chloe. She and Emma jumped up and started down the hill. I hesitated,
trying to picture the shift rota in my mind. It was stupid to try to avoid Tick, I would be
working with him the next day, but as I caught up with them I was hoping he wouldn’t be
there.
The chip shop was busy, half the sixth form seemed to have decided on chips for lunch. I
hung back and watched Ryan and Tick serving. Ryan was flirting outrageously but most people
seemed more interested in Tick. He certainly didn’t mind the attention, laughing and joking
with a steady stream of girls who were all trying to make an impression on him. He was good
looking, I thought as I watched him, and he seemed very friendly, maybe I had just hurt his
feelings the other evening. He did have a lovely smile, his lips twitched first then the grin
slowly spread to his eyes. I hadn’t noticed that his eyes were green, a deep hazel colour that I
hadn’t seen before, incredibly attractive. I joined the queue, hoping he’d be the one to serve me
so that I could say something conciliatory.
He turned from a girl who had been offering to share her chips with him and his smile
faded.
“Hello Kate.” His voice was carefully neutral. “What do you want?” My friendly greeting died on
my lips.
“Portion of chips please, open,” was all I managed as I looked at him in confusion. While he
was getting my chips I rummaged in my purse to get the right money, I didn’t want to have to
9
wait for change. As he held out my chips I checked his face again, hoping I'd been mistaken;
but the eyes that were looking down at me with no trace of friendliness were definitely dark
brown. I walked back to Emma and Chloe, my mind racing.
Most people were leaving once they’d bought their food but Chloe and Emma had found an
empty table. They’d both got a can of drink, I’d been meaning to get one but I’d forgotten in my
rush to get away from the counter.
Emma was gazing at Tick, “I think I’m in love” she said.
“He is nice” agreed Chloe.
“Hands off, you’ve got Matt, you leave him for the rest of us” said Emma. I looked across at
Tick. He was laughing at something Ryan was saying to a girl who was leaning on the counter,
then he turned and grinned at his next customer. I examined him carefully, his eyes weren’t the
lovely hazel shade I’d seen earlier but they weren’t the dark brown I’d seen at the counter
either, they were lighter but with no green tint.
“I think Kate might have beaten you to it” Chloe told Emma. “She hasn’t taken her eyes off him
since she sat down.”
“Not much chance of that” I said. “He doesn’t like me.”
“Really?” Emma was fascinated. “What did you do to him?”
“I teased him about his name, turns out he can’t take a joke. He got totally grumpy and weird
about it.”
“What is his name?” asked Chloe.
I snorted. “Tick!”
“What’s wrong with that?” Chloe wanted to know. “I can’t see why you teased him.”
“I think it’s a lovely name.” Emma was gazing at him adoringly.
“Don’t you think it’s bit odd?” They both shook their heads, Emma still absorbed with Tick.
“Eat your chips, we’ll be late back to school.” My voice was sharper than I’d meant and Chloe
gave me a curious look, but I didn’t care.
I wasn’t looking forward to my next shift at work. I decided that I would do my best to patch
things up with Tick, just because it would make life easier. He was cute, but he was too
freakish for me, Emma was welcome to him. I had to go to work straight from school and
Emma decided she’d walk down with me. When we got there she bounced in, all smiles, and
started talking non stop as she leaned over the counter. I went through to the office to dump
my school stuff and get an apron. Jasper was there, he gave me a smile.
“Hi Kate, brought a friend?”
“Sorry about Emma, she’ll go soon.”
“No problem, she’s not in the way. We’re not busy yet, you might as well have a drink before
you start. I’ll give you a shout when we need you.” I took my can to a table and sat down.
Emma was in full flow, Ryan had been replaced by John but Tick was still there. Tick was
stirring the batter and letting John fend off most of Emma’s chatter. John’s a bit shy and
watching him trying to deal with a girl hanging halfway over the counter while she kept up a
steady stream of banter was hilarious. I tried not to laugh; you had to feel sorry for the poor
bloke. Tick caught my eye and grinned and I smiled back gratefully. I found myself thinking
again how good-looking he was, and told myself firmly that I definitely wasn’t interested. I sat
back and watched Emma, but my eyes kept straying to Tick. He started taking more interest in
the conversation, and Emma responded with enthusiasm. I thought he had probably just taken
pity on John, then reminded myself that I was happy for Emma to have him, I didn’t want him.
People started to come into the shop and Emma eventually realised that she was getting in the
way. She made a grand exit, waving at everyone. Her “See you later” was technically to me but
she looked at Tick as she said it. Tick smiled back and Emma floated out of the door grinning
broadly.
My shift went quickly. We were busy, which made the time pass faster. Tick and I were both
serving but it wasn’t uncomfortable, we didn’t speak much but I didn’t feel any hostility from
him. In the short breaks between customers he made polite conversation. It was a bit like
talking to someone at a bus stop but I responded in the same way, glad that at least we were
10
able to work together. I hoped that if I kept being friendly he would slowly relax and maybe we
could become friends.
There had been no sign of him relaxing when Maureen arrived to take over from me, but by
then I had something else on my mind. I walked home slowly, deep in thought. I tried to tell
myself I was imagining it, but I was sure that I wasn’t. I tried to tell myself that it was just a
trick of the light but, once I’d noticed I’d been watching carefully. The more I thought about it
the more I was sure. Tick’s eyes changed colour depending on what he was doing. Whenever
he was talking to me they were dark brown but when he was concentrating on something they
changed to a lighter, greener colour. It wasn’t always the same shade of hazel, sometimes they
were a pale brown, sometimes they were very green. I wanted it to be a trick of the light, but
I’d just spent a whole shift working with him and I was sure that it was really happening. It
was freaky and unsettling, I was surprised that no-one else had noticed.
11
He could be on television
I tried to stop myself from watching Tick if we shared shifts. My surreptitious surveillance
didn't help the atmosphere between us but I couldn’t help it. His eyes freaked me out; I kept
looking to reassure myself I wasn’t imagining it. He remained polite and neutral whenever he
spoke to me, and the difference between the way he treated me and his friendly manner with
everyone else made me uncomfortable. I started to become self-conscious, to me it was
obvious that he disliked me and I kept expecting someone to comment on it. No-one did, and
eventually I realised that people didn’t comment on anything Tick did. He'd casually tell
Maureen that he had to leave half-way through his shift and she'd smile and agree that we
could cope without him. Ryan, instead of pointing out that he'd never managed to slide out
more than ten minutes early, would stay late to finish the clearing up.
Chloe and Emma came in one evening and stayed at the counter eating their sausage and
chips, watching me serve a few people. I didn’t mind, I was confident now and happily chatted
with them while I worked. Jasper was sitting at his table reading the paper but he didn’t object
to them hanging round. Emma was disappointed that Tick wasn’t working.
“Are you sure he hasn’t got a girlfriend?” she asked me.
“I’ve no idea if he has or not. We don’t talk that much.”
“Couldn’t you try to find out for me? Just ask a few casual questions, check if he’s available.”
“We really don’t have that kind of conversation.”
“So what do you talk about? I think you’re just trying to keep me out of the picture so that you
can work on him yourself.”
“We don’t talk much at all, just small talk about the weather and stuff.”
“You’re joking. You get to work with a really hot guy and you talk about the weather?”
“I told you, he doesn’t like me.”
“Still? You must have really upset him.”
I shrugged. “He’s too weird for me anyway.”
“You keep saying he’s weird but I can’t see why you think that,” said Chloe.
“One of the things that’s weird about him is that no-one thinks he’s weird! And he's got spooky
colour-changing eyes.”
“That's so sexy” said Emma dreamily
“No it's not, it's freaky and I don't like it."
“It’s probably nothing” said Chloe reassuringly.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“I wouldn’t worry about it if were you.” I stared at her in amazement, it was as if she hadn’t
really listened to what I’d said.
I turned to Emma. “What do you think?”
Emma looked vague. “Clo’s probably right” she said. I caught a glimpse of Jasper out of the
corner of my eye. Just for a second I was sure that he was studying us intently, but when I
turned he was reading his paper. I’d forgotten he was there.
At school the next day I tried to tell them about Tick's eyes but they weren’t interested.
Their view was that I probably had an overactive imagination, in which case they didn’t think
it was worth getting worked up about. If it was really happening then it was not something to
worry about because weird and freaky things don’t happen in real life so there must be a
sensible explanation, we just didn’t know what it was. The whole conversation was overlaid
with the frustration I’d felt when discussing his name with Mum. In the end I gave up and did
my best to concentrate on Chloe’s latest date with Matt. They were obviously an official couple
now as they’d moved on from first date places like the cinema or eating out and started just
hanging with his mates.
“Joe’s girlfriend’s called Sacha and she can be really awkward. She doesn’t like Matt and she
makes comments if Joe listens to Matt’s opinion over hers. Matt’s hoping they split up soon.”
“Why doesn’t she like Matt?”
“Matt thinks it’s because he’s Joe’s best mate and she wants to be the only important person in
12
Joe’s life, but I suspect that it’s because Matt didn't ask her out before Joe did. Apparently she
was super-crushing on Matt last year but he never took the hint.”
“Did Matt tell you that?”
“Oh no, but there’s been a few comments from the others so it was easy to work it out. Plus
she’s always quick to put me down in front of Matt if she gets the chance. Matt stands up for
me and that just makes her madder.”
“Do all Matt’s friends have girlfriends?” asked Emma casually.
Chloe grinned, “We’re all meeting up after school today to have a mooch round the shops, why
don’t you come with me?”
Chloe invited me too but I had an appointment in the art room. I was hoping to persuade
Miss Jones to let me make a huge sculpture for my coursework but I wasn’t sure she’d let me
take up so much space. I chattered on enthusiastically about my ideas until I'd worn her down
and eventually she said yes. Now all I had to do was make sure it was as good as I’d promised. I
started running plans through in my head as I walked home, but after a while my thoughts
returned to Tick. Why did I keep thinking about him? It irritated me that I couldn’t let it go, I
couldn’t afford to get obsessed. Looked at logically it didn’t make sense. If the whole world
thought one thing and I thought something else then surely it must be me who was wrong. I
was seriously beginning to think that it must be me, no-one else had any problems with Tick.
Maybe I had imagined it all. If so, no wonder the poor guy was wary of me, he probably
thought I was mad. Maybe I was.
When I got home Dad was in the kitchen tipping an oven tray of tomatoes into a sieve.
“What on earth are you doing?” I asked.
“Making ketchup, here, have a taste of the roasted tomatoes.”
“Are you sure you need so many?” I looked at the two further trays still in the oven.
“Can’t have too much ketchup” said Dad. Well at least it would empty some of the bowls he
kept bringing in from the garden. I put soup in the microwave and buttered some bread. I'd
just sat at the table when two tomatoes were placed tenderly in front of me.
“What do you think Kate?” he asked. I peered at them, baffled.
“What do I think about what?”
“This one,” he pointed to the tomato on the left, “is Ailsa Craig. This one,” he pointed to the
other seemingly identical tomato, “is Harbinger. I’m trying to decide which seeds to grow next
year.” I frowned at the fruits.
“Dad, they’re tomatoes.”
“No, no.” Dad pulled a knife out of the drawer and cut them in half. “Here, have a bite of each,
which one is the juiciest? Which one has the best flavour?” I obediently had a bite from each
then pointed to one at random.
“I like that one best.”
“Really?” Dad seemed disappointed. “I thought the Harbinger had a fuller flavour, better for
pasta sauces. Never mind, I’ll make a note of your opinion and see what your mother thinks.” I
retreated to my soup; three spoonfuls in I was being shown more tomatoes.
“Look at this, some of them have split their skins. I’m not sure that Jasper did come and water
them every day like he said. Tomatoes don’t like spasmodic watering, you can’t forget them
then give them twice as much next time, it makes their skins liable to split, just like these
ones.”
“Not like the nice ones Mum buys at the supermarket.” Giving his tomatoes a reassuring stroke
he frowned fiercely over his shoulder as he swung away from me. The crimson gloop in the
sieve was stabbed viciously with the wooden spoon as he muttered “Supermarket!”.
I ignored him when he started singing but it got louder and louder.
“Dad! Do you have to sing?”
“I don’t have to, I choose to.” I tried to shut my ears as he accompanied himself with a rhythmic
sploshing squelching noise; drumming the tomatoes through the sieve in time with the chorus.
“You’re going to be in big trouble if you don’t clear that lot up properly” I pointed out, but he
didn't hear me
13
“How’s the job going?” he asked as he swung past me to the oven for another tray.
“Not bad”
“Mum said you seemed to be enjoying yourself when she went to pick you up.” I don’t know
where she got that from, I remembered being flustered and grumpy when she came to get me.
“She said the people you’re working with seem nice.” I sagged into my bowl, everyone seemed
to be a member of the Tick appreciation society.
“Dad, have you met Jasper’s lodger?”
“What’s that?” He turned to me, wooden spoon dripping red. “Jasper’s lodger? What about
him?”
“I just wondered if you’d met him.”
“No, not yet, what’s he like?”
“I don’t know, everyone seems to like him except me. I just wondered what you thought. Has
Jasper talked about him at all?”
“I haven’t seen anything of Jasper recently. He’s been very busy with his owls apparently. Why
don’t you like him?”
“I don’t know, I think he’s a bit strange but no-one else seems to see it.” I considered telling
him about Tick’s name and eyes but lost courage. “I don’t think he likes me, but he seems to
get on with everyone else.” It sounded pathetic to me but I couldn’t find the words.
Dad was glooping the sieved tomatoes into the saucepan. “You’re probably imagining it” he
said.
“No, I don’t think so, he’s easy going and funny with everyone else but he’s always polite to
me.”
“Why would he take a dislike to you? Have you seen the bay leaves?”
“Top shelf where they always live. Well, I did tease him a bit about his name.”
“Perhaps he’s sensitive, you know what teenage boys can be like, and about the strangest
things.”
“Perhaps.”
“Just keep being friendly and I’m sure it will all sort itself out.”
“You’re probably right” I said, though I didn’t think it would be that easy.
Dad started weighing brown sugar. “How’s school?” he asked. It was obviously Have A Chat
With Kate time.
“Schools okay.”
“Getting much homework yet?”
“Some”
“And how are you getting on with it? I haven’t seen much sign of school work so far. I hope the
job’s not going to make you get behind.”
I sighed. “Okay, okay, I get the message. I’ll start in a minute.”
“I didn’t mean to nag, I was just concerned that you’d let it build up. Don’t run away just
because I mentioned homework. Here, taste this.” He started to bring his spoon to me then
stopped, glancing at the floor. “Perhaps you’d better come over here.” I walked over, avoiding
the scarlet drips and splashes, and tasted the ketchup.”
“That tastes really good.”
“Don’t sound so surprised!”
“It’s very runny though, not much like ketchup.”
“Wait till it’s been simmering for a few hours”
“Well at least that’ll give you plenty of time to clean up. When’s Mum due back?” Dad looked
around, obviously seeing it all properly for the first time.
“You couldn’t give me a hand could you?”
“No chance, I’ve got homework to do.” I gave him my soup bowl and plate and left, sniggering
loudly.
I didn’t have that much school work. I got down to it and got a big chunk out of the way that
evening, finishing the rest on Sunday. Some of the algebra was a bit sticky but I was feeling
pretty smug about the way I’d breezed through the other subjects. The following week was a
14
bit of shock, there was twice as much in every single subject and it was harder. Emma rang me
for a moan.
“I can’t do it,” she wailed. “They’re expecting too much of us. No-one could do it all. How am I
supposed to know how Chaucer subverts established class attitudes, I don’t even know what it
means. Honestly, it’s impossible. No-one could do it.”
“What does Chloe say?” I asked.
“She’s done it.”
“Why don’t you ask her for some help?”
“She said I was being melodramatic and she didn’t see why she should bail me out this early in
the term. I don’t think that’s what a friend should say, do you?”
“Well, don’t come to me, I’m not doing English.”
“You’re so lucky Kate, why didn’t I do science? They just tell you things, then you write them
down. Anyone could do that, they don’t set stupid essay titles and expect you to think.”
“Hang on a minute, I have to think a lot. You’re not the only one that’s been sweating over her
homework. If sciences are so easy why don’t you ask to change subject?”
“Okay, I get the picture. Everything’s harder and I’m just making a fuss. You’ll be sorry when
I’m a frazzled wreck, too weak to leave the house.”
“It is harder. Everyone told us it would be, but I didn’t believe them. We need to go out and do
something fun.”
We agreed to go bowling on Sunday afternoon. Emma kept saying that Chloe wouldn’t
come, that we wouldn’t be able to prise her away from Matt. I thought she was being unfair,
though Chloe’s habit of dragging him into every conversation was beginning to get on my
nerves. Once she’d had her moan Emma had settled down and finished all her homework, and
Chloe had agreed she’d like some girly time, so we were all set to enjoy ourselves.
We were on our second frame, I was feeling pretty good as I was in the lead. Emma was up
and Chloe and I were calling out disparaging comments on her technique. When she went for
her second ball she stuck her tongue out at us and we laughed and hooted at her. We’d been up
for some fun and we were making the most of it.
Chloe looked round then said quietly, “The people in the next lane keep looking at us.”
“I’m not surprised” I said. “The amount of noise we’re making, they’re probably going to
complain in a minute.” I glanced casually over and saw four boys about our age. One of them
had been looking at me, but he looked away as soon as I looked at him. I looked away too, then
peeped back and caught him doing the same. I blushed and concentrated on Emma’s victory
dance. Chloe, who’d seen the whole thing, giggled.
“Told you” she said.
“Told her what?” asked Emma.
“One of our neighbours is interested in Kate.”
“Don’t look!” I hissed, but Emma took no notice.
“Which one?” she asked too loudly. I ground my teeth, wishing us all invisible.
“The one that’s blushing” said Chloe in a low voice. Emma got the message and sat down.
“Not bad” she said, but at least she said it quietly.
When it was my turn I tried desperately not to think about the guys using the next lane. I
was sure I’d trip over my feet or drop the ball or something. My score wasn’t nearly so good
but apart from that nothing terrible happened. I was walking back to the others when a voice
called over; I glanced round and saw one of the boys waving at me. Making sure I didn’t look at
Emma and Chloe, I tried not to chew at my lip as I attempted a casual stroll over to him.
“Hi” he said. “We were trying to work out where we know you from. Do you work at the chippy
in the High Street?” I nodded, trying to think of something to say.
“I said it was her.” He turned back to me. “That must be the best job in the world. I’ll be your
friend, do you give away chips?” Everyone laughed, including Chloe and Emma, who’d come to
see what was going on.
“No, I’m not allowed to give anyone chips but my friends can have as much salt and vinegar as
they like.”
15
He pulled a face. “What about a picked egg?” I shook my head, giggling.
“Are you magic too?” asked one of the other boys.
I frowned at him. “What?”
“You work at the Golden Fry right? The place with the magic guy.”
“Magic guy?”
“Oh yeah, he’s great,” said someone.
“Magic guy?” I was beginning to sound like a parrot.
“You know, the guy with the spiky hair, Magic Guy.”
“Do you mean Tick?” asked Emma. “Why do you call him Magic Guy?”
“Because he’s magic” said one.
“He’s the guy” agreed another.
I frowned at Emma and Chloe. “Do you know what they’re talking about?”
Emma shrugged. “Apparently Tick is magic.”
“But why?” asked Chloe.
“You’ve never seen him?” asked one of the boys.
“Seen him what?”
“Do magic! That’s why he’s Magic Guy.”
“Tick does magic?” Emma sounded excited.
“The best magic I’ve ever seen. You should see the salt pots jump into peoples pockets.”
“Conjuring? He does conjuring?” I hadn’t realised how tense I’d got till I heard the relief in my
voice.
“And then some. He’s better than anyone on the television. He’s Magic Guy.”
“What does he do?” Emma was still excited.
“He moves the things about on the counter or makes them disappear.” He turned to me. “You
must have seen him, you work there.”
“He never does it when I’m there.”
“But he’s always doing it, you must have been there one time.”
“Perhaps we’re always too busy when I’m there.” It sounded pathetic to me but they accepted
it.
“When we’ve finished here we should all go down and get him to show you. What do you
think?” Emma was definitely up for that.
We watched them finish their last frame then they all came over to our lane and watched us.
I won our game and the boys clapped and cheered me, making me blush. One of the boys
walked beside me as we went to change our shoes.
“You’re quite good” he said.
“Not really, that was the best I’ve played for ages.”
“Well you won.”
“Yes, but I don’t think Emma was concentrating much.”
He laughed. “Emma’s the one with dark hair? The loud one?”
“That’s her, she gets excited.”
“And you’re Kate?” I nodded.
“I’m Jack.”
“Hi.” My voice sounded ridiculously perky, like a weather girl or something.
“Do you want to get a drink or something to eat here, before we go?” he asked.
“I’m not hungry,” I said, “but a drink would be good,” I added quickly as his face dropped. We
got our shoes and walked over to a bench. Emma stood in front of me as I put them on.
“Hurry up Kate. I want to see the magic.”
“I’m staying here for a drink with Jack.” I kept my head down.
“Don’t you want to see the magic?”
“Not really, and I am thirsty.” Emma gave Jack a speculative look. He was keeping his head
down too, taking ages to tie his second lace.
“Okay then” said Emma and she turned away.
“Are you sure you don’t want to go with them?” asked Jack.
16
“I’d rather get a drink here.”
“All right then, if you’re sure.” We went into the café. He wanted to pay for my lemonade but I
insisted on paying for myself. One thing that having an older brother has taught me is that
boys don’t usually have any more money than girls, expecting them to pay for everything is
just mean. Luke used to go on about it quite a lot.
“Do you have a job?” I asked him when he protested. “Well I do, I should be paying for your
drink.” We sat at a table and both fell quiet. I couldn’t think of anything to say, I poked my
straw up and down feeling increasingly lame.
“It must be great to be working. I’m trying to find a Saturday job but they’re like gold-dust.
How did you get your job?” asked Jack.
“I was just lucky. Jasper, who owns the Golden Fry, is a friend of my dad’s.”
“Well, if he’s looking for more staff remember me. I’m applying for jobs like shelf-stacker in the
supermarket. Your job looks more fun than that.”
“Most of the time it is.”
“And you get to work with Magic Guy.” I stopped myself from scowling. “I can’t believe you’ve
never seen him do tricks. He’s amazing.” I shrugged. “Tell you what, when we’ve finished these
we’ll go and catch the others up. I’d forgotten you hadn’t seen the magic.”
“I don’t mind. I expect I’ll see it another time.” Jack insisted though, and I couldn’t think of a
way of getting out of it. I just hoped that when we got there Tick wouldn’t be working.
Tick was there. A largish group of people were gathered in front of the counter watching
him carefully place the salt and vinegar exactly where he wanted them. No-one noticed Jack
and I join the back of the crowd. He put two salt pots at the far end of the counter and covered
them with the paper we wrap the fish in then he put another two next to the till. He picked up
a vinegar bottle and shook it thoughtfully then shook his head and handed it to John, who had
come round from behind the fryer to watch. He selected a different vinegar bottle, balanced it
on his palm for a minute frowning at it, then carefully placed it between the two salt pots by
the till before covering all three with another piece of paper. The whole shop was silent as Tick
stood still with his eyes shut. His timing was perfect, just as the expectation peaked he opened
his eyes and whisked away both pieces of paper, revealing the vinegar at the far end of the
counter. I joined in the applause.
“Put the salt in my pocket,” someone called out. Tick inspected the guys pocket and shook his
head.
“Too small,” he said. He put both pieces of paper back then stood still with his eyes shut again.
He lifted the paper by the till and both salt pots were still there, everyone groaned. Tick lifted a
finger to show that we should wait, shut his eyes again for a few seconds than lifted the second
piece of paper. The vinegar bottle was standing next to a solitary salt pot, we all clapped.
Jack leaned over to me. “Told you he was good.” I nodded as I clapped. Tick made a show of
looking all over the counter for the other salt pot then turned to John, raising his eyebrows
expectantly. John looked baffled.
“Where’s the salt?” Tick asked. John looked confused for a moment then realisation lit his
face. He reached into the side pocket of his combats and pulled out the salt shaker with a look
of amazement. He was the perfect straight man, I hadn’t known he was such a good actor. He
put the salt back on the counter blushing and grinning at the applause. I wondered when they
practised. Tick put the salt back at the end of the counter and gave John the vinegar bottle. He
covered both pairs of salt pots with the paper again and did his standing very still routine.
When he opened his eyes he pointed to two of his audience and indicated that they should
remove the papers. There was silence as we looked at both pairs of salt pots exactly where
they had been before. We all waited but Tick didn’t move or speak. After a couple of seconds a
mutter rippled round the crowd as we realised what had happened. The salt pots at the far
end of the counter were now empty, while the ones by the till were full right to the top.
Clapping and cheering erupted all over the shop. I joined in, impressed by his skill. Unlike the
others I knew that under the counter there was a shelf full of salt and vinegar containers so I
thought I knew how he was doing it but he was very quick, I never saw him make the switch.
17
John muttered something to Tick, who nodded.
“We’re going to be busy soon, so we’re going to have to call it a day I’m afraid” announced Tick,
everyone groaned. A tall boy leaning on the wall called out “just one more!” Tick looked at him
and frowned thoughtfully as he scrunched up the paper he’d been using and put it in the bin.
He picked up one of the full salt shakers and curled both his hands round it so that we couldn’t
see it.
“What’s your name?” he asked the tall boy.
“Adam”
“Do you like a lot of salt on your chips Adam?” Adam nodded. “I don’t think you need to bring
your own though, we do keep salt here for customer’s use.” Adam looked puzzled. “Check your
pocket” suggested Tick. Adam put his hand in his pocket and brought out a handful of salt, the
audience went wild as Tick put the shaker back on the counter half empty. I was the only one
not clapping. I couldn’t think of any way that Tick could do that trick. It was physically
impossible for him to have put the salt in the boy’s pocket, he never went anywhere near him.
Then I realised. He must be another stooge, a friend of Tick or John who was in on the whole
thing.
“Okay that’s it, either leave or form an orderly queue,” said John.
“Do you want some chips?” asked Jack as everyone started milling about. Emma came up to us
as we joined the queue, her eyes dancing.
“Wasn’t that great? I can’t believe that you’ve never seen that before.” I frowned at her; I didn’t
want to discuss my relationship with Tick now.
“Magic Guy is great” agreed Jack.
Emma started singing “Magic Guy, Magic Guy.” Tick looked over, panic flaring in his eyes when
he saw me.
“Hi Tick” sang Emma
“Emma, Kate.” Tick’s voice was flat. “Have you been here long?”
“We saw it all. It was amazing, wasn’t it Kate?”
“It was really amazing. I had no idea you could do tricks.” I put as much enthusiasm as I could
into my voice; I was determined not to be put off by his unfriendly attitude. Tick relaxed and
smiled his lovely slow smile.
“I’m glad you liked it” he said.
“Do you do magic often?” asked Emma. Ticks eyes shot towards me then back again.
“Not really” he said. “We’re usually too busy.”
Jack paid for my chips and I didn’t make a fuss, I was self-conscious in front of Tick. We
went outside where most of Tick’s audience was still hanging around, some of them holding
bags of chips. The tall boy was the centre of attention, his mates kept getting him to sprinkle
the salt from his pocket onto their chips.
“Shame he couldn’t have put some vinegar into the other pocket” said one. Chloe came up and
took a couple of my chips. She glanced curiously at Jack next to me but didn’t say anything. We
leaned against the window eating and watching the tall boy sprinkling his salt. One of the
group took a handful of salt and started offering it to the rest of the crowd. He held his hand
out to us and Jack and I both took a pinch.
“Neat trick huh?” he said.
“He could be on television” said Jack.
“I was hoping he’d do some magic, that’s why I brought Adam down. At least he’ll have
something to talk about when he goes back.”
“Back?” I asked.
“Yeah, he’s my cousin, come to stay for the weekend. Problem is he lives in London and I
always worry he’ll get bored here with me.”
“So he’s not from round here? He doesn’t know anyone here?”
“No, but the salt trick’s made him popular with all my mates so I think he’s having a good
time.” He drifted off with his salt.
Chloe nudged me. I was still staring at the tall boy, Adam.
18
“Your chips are going cold” she said.
“You have them, I’m not hungry anymore.” I was actually feeling a bit sick. Jack gave me a
concerned look and I pulled myself together, smiling at him. It felt fake to me but he smiled
back. Emma came over and started chattering, then Jack’s mates turned up and I ducked out of
the conversation, letting it flow over me. Eventually the group broke up. It wasn’t until I got
home that I realised that Jack had been trying to give me his number before his friends
whisked him away, but I hadn’t been paying attention.
19
This is getting boring
When I arrived for my next shift I gave Tick a big smile as I walked in. I’d thought about it a
lot, and come to the conclusion that I was just thinking too much. I was fed up with Tick being
careful round me. Watching him the other day, when he didn’t know I was there, had shown
me how much he changed when I was about. I still thought there was something strange going
on but I decided to give up and just relax. A small voice at the back of my head pointed out
how lovely his smile was, how nice it would be if he smiled at me like that.
John started taking his apron off as he followed me towards the back room. “Did you enjoy
the show the other day?” he asked me. I stopped, not looking at Tick.
“Has he been doing magic again? I always miss it” said Abby. Tick looked uncomfortable as I
turned back. I focused on Abby, ignoring him.
“It was great” I enthused. “I hadn’t seen it before, I didn’t know he could do conjuring.” Out of
the corner of my eye I saw Tick relax.
“Do you want to swap now?” Abby asked him when I came back.
“Do you want to?”
“Not really, I thought you wanted to. You said that when Kate came in you’d fry and I’d go on
the counter. I prefer frying but I’ll swap if you like.”
Tick glanced at me. “No, I’m okay here” he said.
Abby sang while she was frying, old disco numbers mainly. The customers seemed to like it,
some of them joined in. Tick and I worked easily together, shovelling chips and taking money;
the time passed quickly. When there was a quiet patch I watched Tick wiping the counter and
racked my brain for something to say. I was determined to break the barrier between us but I
couldn’t think of a safe subject. Tick suddenly looked up.
“You were right about the bird watching” he said.
“I told you he was keen.”
“I thought you were exaggerating. That man’s obsessed.”
I laughed. “Has he taken you out with him?”
“Not yet, but he keeps promising to do it soon. I don’t know how I’m going to get out of it.”
“It might be better to get it over with, winter’s coming. The longer you put it off the colder it
will be.”
“That’s a good point that I hadn’t considered.” His whole face lit up when he smiled, it was
lovely. “But if I go once I’ll have set a precedent. He’ll expect me to keep going with him, all
through the cold winter.” He shook his head. “I think I’ll hold out as long as I can.”
“You could go then tell him you didn’t enjoy it” I suggested
“Do you really think I could?”
“No, not really, it would be like kicking a kitten.”
“He’s just so enthusiastic.” Tick sighed and we laughed together.
A few more people came in, but it looked like it was going to be a quiet night.
“Do you think you could cope here if I sent Abby home and took over the frying?” asked Tick.
“She was saying earlier that one of her children was ill, so she’d probably be glad to get away
early.” I’d never run the counter by myself but I nodded, how hard could it be? I was doing fine
until Keith the Dog Man came in, his dog dawdling along behind him on the end of some string.
“You’re going to have to leave your dog outside” I said in my firmest voice. He ignored me and
started rummaging in his many pockets.
“Keith!” I raised my voice slightly and he looked at me. “Dogs aren’t allowed in here, it will
have to wait outside.”
“Duchess does no harm, no harm in Duchess, what’s wrong with Duchess?” He spoke to the
floor between us.
“I know that, but dogs aren’t allowed in food shops, it’s the law.” I kept my voice calm and firm.
He came up to the counter, whispering to the dog. “Keep quiet, sausage for you, no law for
Duchess.”
“No sausage for Duchess if she doesn’t wait outside.” I tried to sound like my mum.
20
He looked at me, his eyes skittering from mine. “Cold outside” he said. I wanted to give in and
just serve him but I’d been told what to do if he came in and I stuck with it.
“There’s a post you can tie her to just by the door, you can leave the door open so that she can
see you getting her sausage.” There was a long pause and I was afraid he wasn’t going to take
any notice of me, then he turned towards the door.
“Poor Duchess, cold Duchess. Police state is what it is.” He kept mumbling to himself while he
took the dog back out. Duchess sat patiently as he started pulling change from his pockets and
stacking it on the counter. He squinted at the price list and ran his fingers over the coins.
“Duchess likes sausage.” He didn’t look at me. “How much for a tiny bag of chips? Just a few
pennies of chips.” His voice trailed off and he looked at his feet. I knew about this bit, I’d seen it
happen when I was a customer. I piled up a large portion of chips then put two sausages on
top before I wrapped it. I rang up one portion of chips and swept the small pile of coins into
the till. Keith hugged the paper parcel to his chest, mumbled “Thank you” to his feet and
hurried out. I breathed out hard and leaned on the counter.
A couple arrived, squeezing gingerly past Keith as he untied Duchess. As I turned to get
their fish Tick was beaming at me approvingly. I could feel myself blushing as I smiled back.
“I’m impressed. Not everyone can cope with Keith and Duchess.” I shrugged, embarrassed, and
went back to my customers. “Seriously, I thought you handled it very well.” The warm tone of
his voice affected me more than I wanted to admit to myself, my blush grew deeper and I
couldn’t think of anything to say. Luckily the phone rang and Tick went to answer it while I
finished serving. He was chuckling to himself as he came back to the counter.
“That was Jasper, he’s at your parent’s house and they're going to open a bottle of wine. He
won’t drink and drive so he wants me to give you a lift home when we close, then I can pick
him up. Is that all right with you?” I shrugged and nodded. “I hope you're not fussy about your
transport, I'm borrowing one of Jasper's projects.” One of Jasper's many enthusiasms is doing
up old cars, but they often don't get finished. Tick must have read my face. “Don't worry it'll
get you home, it's not very pretty but the engine seems sound. Apparently it’s got classic
bodywork. Jasper hasn't got round to that part yet, so we'll have to take his word for it.” He
grinned at me as the door opened and he went back to the fryer.
It was a good job Mum wasn’t picking me up tonight I thought as I washed the chip buckets.
There was a crowd of young men in the street making it sound exactly as she suspected it was
every night. They were farther down the road but you could hear them clearly; singing and
shouting and hassling people who passed them. From the sound of it there were a lot of them
and they were all very drunk; Mum would have taken one look at them and banned me from
ever working here again. I set the buckets to drain and went back out into the shop. Tick was
unlocking the door. He opened it slightly and said “Here!” A woman slid through the gap and
he shut it behind her. She was in her mid-twenties, nice dress; smart jacket; expensive looking
bag, shaken but trying to hide it.
“Thank you. I’m being silly, but they were beginning to get to me. I ignored them as I walked
past but then they started following me. I’ve got the wrong shoes on, I can’t walk fast.”
“No problem. We’ll be finished here in a couple of minutes, we’ll give you a lift home.”
“That’s not necessary, my car’s in the car park.” She looked from him to me, obviously amused
to be rescued by a couple of kids.
“Have a seat, they’ll move on soon, then I’ll walk you to your car.”
“You don’t have to, honestly”. She sat on the chair Tick offered and took a small mirror out of
her bag. As she checked her make-up Tick and I finished clearing round her. The gang didn’t
move on. They hung around outside the shop passing bottles between them as they shouted
and laughed.
“This is getting boring.” Tick made for the door.
“What are you going to do?” asked the woman. Her face said what I was thinking. What could
he do? They’d tear him to shreds.
“I’m going to ask them to move on.” He closed the door behind him as we exchanged looks.
Tick had his back to the window so we didn’t hear what he said. They found it hilarious. He
21
stayed put, speaking again in a quiet, polite tone. The group tightened as they considered him,
edging round to enclose him in a ragged semi-circle. A joker in the gang made an obscene
suggestion and they all hooted, crowding in on him, but he didn’t back down or shout back. A
large man suddenly rushed from the pack, shoving his mates out of the way to get to Tick. He
flailed his fist, but Tick stepped sideways and he crashed into the window, making us both
jump. Tick turned to help him up, apparently concerned that he might have hurt himself. As he
bent over three more men attacked from behind. Tick moved neatly; an elbow jabbed one in
the stomach, he flopped down in a coughing heap as another tripped over a perfectly placed
leg. His face crunched loudly onto the pavement in a sudden bubble of silence. Within seconds
of their appearance Tick was facing the third man with a question on his face. His heavy-set
opponent hesitated. He moved forward slightly; Tick waited motionless. Stuck between his
expectant mates and a confident challenge, the man cracked his knuckles uncertainly. His eyes
flitted between Tick and the fallen bodies. Tick spoke softly. Whatever he said diffused the
tension; he and knuckle cracker started dragging the wounded to their feet, others coming
forward to help. They left quietly. Tick stood in the road watching them until they were a long
way away from us.
He shut the door behind him. “What?” We were both staring at him. “Get your stuff Kate,
we’ll walk her to her car then I’ll run you home.”
“Are you all right?” asked the woman.
“They were too drunk to do any damage. Kate?”
“Oh, sorry.” I scurried to get my bag and coat.
In the car on the way home I felt shy and self-conscious. I fiddled absent-mindedly with my
bag as I watched Tick drive. His hands were pale, long fingers curved casually round the
steering wheel. Although I was cold enough for a coat he was only wearing a T-shirt and I
watched the muscles glide under smooth golden skin as he moved his arm. I was surprised
when the car stopped, I hadn’t realised we were there. The seatbelt catch was stiff and I had to
fight with it. By the time I’d got myself free Tick was at my side of the car, opening the door
and taking my hand in his to help me out. The unfamiliar courtesy confused me and I tripped
over the door sill. He caught me as I stumbled, his eyes laughing as I blushed.
“Thank you” I muttered.
“You’re welcome.” His hand was firm on my arm, when he removed it I nearly lost my balance
again. I concentrated on finding my key in my bag and led him to the front door.
22
That night I dreamed I was in a tree
I sat comfortably on a broad horizontal branch, leaning sideways against the trunk and
swinging my legs. Above me pale flat leaves, big as plates, broke the sunlight into jagged
splashes which danced against the rough bark, lifting burgundy and bronze from the shadowy
greens and browns. I pressed my fingers into the dimples and ridges of the trunk, feeling its
unyielding firmness. Apart from the whisper of the leaves there was no sound, the sun’s
warmth enhancing the peace as it filtered through the rustling canopy. I looked up at the
branches above me, black trails against the sunlit leaves, and wondered if I could climb higher.
As soon as I stood on the branch I knew it was a mistake, I lost my footing and stumbled,
falling with a gasp that woke me.
23
What are you doing this weekend?
I remembered the dream the next day during a boring physics lesson. Gazing absently out
of the window, only half listening to Mr.Tomkins, I found myself wishing I hadn't lost my
balance, that I'd managed to climb higher into the soft sunlight. The images were so strong it
felt more like a memory than a dream. I stroked my finger on the table remembering the rough
feel of the bark, the concentrated calmness that had felt so safe. Jerked back into the classroom
by the sound of my name, I grabbed guiltily for my pen and tried to look as if I was taking
notes.
“Welcome back, Kate. If we may continue?” Mr.Tomkins was always sarcastic, I stared at my
notebook, blushing. He kept his eye on me after that and I was glad when the bell went. I
scurried out to the canteen, joining up with Chloe on the way. Emma was sitting with Sophie
and Jo, intent on her sandwich. She was subjecting it to a suspicious forensic analysis, as Chloe
and I sat down she suddenly stabbed with her fingernail and slid something out of the
disintegrating heap.
“What do you think that is?” she asked.
“It’s just lettuce,” said Jo.
“Are you sure?” Emma flapped it up and down.
“What happened with that boy?” Chloe asked me.
“What boy?” I was genuinely puzzled.
“How many boys are there? The one at the bowling alley.”
“Oh Jack, nothing really.”
“Who’s Jack?” asked Sophie.
“Kate picked up a guy when we went bowling, he looked keen.”
“What was he like?”
“He was quite hot actually” said Emma. “Don’t tell me you blew it Kate.” I shrugged.
“So what happened?” persisted Chloe.
“Nothing. We had a drink than we went to the Golden Fry, you were there. And that was it.” I
remembered him trying to pull me to one side so he could give me his number without
everyone watching, and me being too distracted by thoughts of Tick to pay attention. “We
shared some chips then he went off with his mates,” I said.
“That’s weird. I thought he was definitely interested,” said Chloe.
“Kate blew it” Emma sighed.
“I did not!” I was surprised to realise that I didn’t really care. Jack had been hot but I wasn’t as
upset as I should be that I’d messed it all up.
“What are you doing this weekend?” asked Sophie. “My parents are out Saturday night, you
can come round, maybe watch some films.”
“I can’t on Saturday, I’m out with Matt,” said Chloe.
Emma pulled a face. “Matt, Matt, Matt!” Chloe banged her drink onto the table.
“What about Matt?” she asked threateningly.
“Nothing.”
“Have you got a problem with my boyfriend?” Chloe’s voice was flat, her face hard.
Emma scowled. “Why would I have a problem with Matt? Just because he’s all over everything
now? Nothing can happen if it doesn’t fit in with the divine Matt, lord of us all.”
“Emma, shut up. You’re totally out of order!” Chloe was shouting now.
“Emma, you are out of order,” I said. “Calm down and leave Chlo alone.”
“You’re just jealous,” said Chloe.
“Yes, that must be it. I want to give up my life and hang around waiting for a boy to call.”
Chloe laughed, it wasn’t a nice sound. “Well there’s not much sign of that happening is there?”
she asked.
“Chloe leave it, you’ll need your friends when you and Matt split up,” advised Jo.
“Yes, keep us hanging round so you’ve got someone to fall back on when he dumps you for
someone better.”
24
“I didn’t mean that” said Jo quickly.
Chloe stood up. “Friends don’t behave like this.” She stalked away from the table. Sophie, Jo
and I exchanged glances then looked at Emma.
She glared right back. “What?” The rest of lunch was eaten in silence.
I walked home from school on my own. Emma and Chloe “weren't talking to each other”
and I wasn’t prepared to be pulled into the middle of it. I spread my books all over the kitchen
table then dithered about; getting a drink, finding the biscuit tin, hoping that the blatant
display would eventually guilt me into starting my homework . When I opened the door to
Jasper he hesitated as I led him through to the kitchen.
“Sorry Kate, I’ll go away again if you’re busy.”
“Don’t be silly, Dad will be back soon. Do you want a coffee?”
“Wouldn’t say no.” Jasper sat down, moving a book to make room for his cup. “So how’s life?”
he asked.
“All right.”
“Good. How’s the work?” He waved his arm at the table.
“Not too bad, harder than I was expecting.” Jasper picked up one of the books and opened it,
then shuddered and dropped it back onto the table.
“Rather you than me. You’ve always been brainy though, what are you taking?”
“Maths, physics, chemistry and art.”
“Art?” Jasper laughed. “How does that fit in?”
“It doesn’t really but I enjoy it.”
“Fair enough. So you’ll be leaving us for academe in a couple of years?”
“Huh?”
“Going to college,” he clarified.
“Probably, I haven’t really thought about it.”
“Bet your parents have.” I groaned and he smiled.
“How’s it going at the shop? Everything all right?”
“Fine.”
“Tick said you had Keith and Duchess in the other night. He said you were very impressive.” I
tried to ignore the warm glow that his words triggered. “I hope the job isn’t interfering with
your school work.”
I shook my head. “I’m keeping up so far.” Jasper started laughing. “What?” I asked.
“I’m sorry, it was the look on your face. That’s obviously a well worn record in this house.” I
grinned and shrugged. Jasper looked up as the front door opened.
“Ah, that sounds like the man, I’ll leave you to your studies.” He picked up his cup and walked
into the hall. I hadn’t actually lied to Jasper but I was getting a bit worried, there just seemed
to be so much school work. I was picking up my pen when Jasper re-appeared in the doorway.
“Why don’t you try what Becca used to do? If she had an evening shift on a school day she’d
come straight from school and study at one of the tables in the shop for an hour or so before
she started work.
“Would that be okay?” I asked.
“It’s fine by me, and it seemed to work for Becca.”
“Thanks.” When I thought about it, it made sense; I could get a lot done in time that would
otherwise just disappear.
When I called for Emma the next morning she immediately started about Chloe and how
she’d over-reacted at lunch. My heart sank; I really didn’t want to get stuck in the middle of
them.
“You were out of order you know Em. Don’t get mad at me, I’m not trying to wind you up.”
“I just get fed up with the way Matt takes over everything.” Emma sighed. “I probably was out
of order, but she totally over-reacted.”
“She did a bit” I admitted.
“What am I going to do Kate? I can’t apologise.”
“Why not?”
25
“I can’t. She’ll think she was right; that I am jealous.” I didn’t say anything.
“Will you tell her she over-reacted?” asked Emma after we’d walked in silence for a while.
“Oh no, I’m not getting involved.”
“I knew you’d take her side.”
“I’m not taking sides at all, that’s what not getting involved means.”
“Oh yeah? Who’re you going to sit with at lunch then?”
“Jo and Sophie.”
“I can sit with Jo and Sophie.”
“What if Chloe’s already there?” I asked.
“Oh Kate, what am I going to do?”
It was a miserable day at school, staying neutral was a fine idea but almost impossible in
practice. Whichever one I was with, all they'd talk about was the other one. It was tiring
paying attention all the time; one absent-minded Mmm at the wrong time and I'd have agreed
with one against the other, taken her side. When I moaned to Sophie she was sympathetic but
distant; she didn’t want to get pulled in. I took Jasper’s advice and went straight to the Golden
Fry from school but it was a waste of time, I couldn’t concentrate on my work and spent most
of my time watching the customers or staring out of the window. Tick sat next to me.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“I’m supposed to be writing up my physics notes but I can’t concentrate.” I put my pen down,
giving up.
“When do you start work?”
“Not for another half an hour yet.” I raised my voice against the chaotic roar as a gang of young
boys came in shouting and pushing at each other.
“Enough!” Ryan made shushing movements with his hands and they shuffled into a ragged
queue. They pulled two tables together and squashed round them sharing chips and drinks.
There was a lot of giggling and jostling, Tick grinned at me when they suddenly all looked
guiltily at Ryan and went quiet for a couple of seconds. I smiled back, the volume level was
already rising again.
“I think I’ll give up on this.” I started putting the books back into my bag.
“Am I distracting you? I’ll go away.”
“No!” It came out more forcefully than I meant and I blushed. “I wasn’t getting anything done
anyway.”
“Okay then, what shall we talk about?” Tick’s eyes were dancing as he gazed at me expectantly.
I looked into his lovely sparkling eyes, hazel today, and my mind went blank. I shrugged,
feeling stupid. Tick’s lips twitched and I looked down at the table, blushing again.
Tick stood and went back behind the counter. I bit my lip, I’d chased him away with my
dumbness. The corners of my eyes were pricking with embarrassed tears as I stared at the
table. A large portion of chips appeared in front of me, I looked up and saw him going back to
the counter for salt and vinegar.
“Do you want to share?” he asked as he sat next to me. The relief made me weak for a second
but I smiled and nodded, hoping nothing showed on my face. I took a chip, he laughed when I
dropped it again.
“Hot,” I said.
“I was waiting for the new batch, these are straight from the fryer.” He shook salt over them.
“You’d think I’d get bored with chips, working here, but I love them.”
“I don’t think it’s possible to get bored with chips.” I took a large one and flapped it a bit to cool
it before I put it in my mouth. We shared them in comfortable silence. I hadn’t realised I was
hungry till I started eating, Tick seemed equally happy to concentrate on the food. When we’d
eaten them all he leaned back in his chair and stretched his legs out, tripping a small child
who’d just come in. I giggled as he jumped up, flustered.
“Up you get, you’re all right,” said her mum as Tick stood her on her feet apologising
repeatedly. The girl looked around her then started crying.
“Elephant!” she wailed.
26
“What?” Tick’s confusion set off my giggles again.
“Shush, it’s here.” The woman reached under our table and picked up a piece of card covered
in grey paint splodges and insecurely glued pieces of drinking straw and foil. She smiled at
Tick. “She made it at playgroup, it’s an elephant.” The girl stopped crying and clutched it to her
chest. Tick crouched down to her level.
“Can I see it?” he asked. She held it out to him and he took it gingerly. “It’s a very handsome
elephant, which bit’s the trunk?” The girl pointed to one of the straws that was sticking out
from the card. “I see, so this must be the tail.” The girl frowned and shook her head, pointing to
a different straw. I laughed, and Tick smiled. “Silly me, that’s obviously the tail.” He gave it back
to her. “Thank you for showing it to me.” The woman took her hand and led her to the counter
as Tick sat next to me.
He joined in with my laughter and shrugged.
“Well it looked like a tail to me,” he said.
“Not to her though,” I teased.
“Well, you’re an artist, you understand these things. To me it all looks the same. Do you make
elephants?”
“Not any more. I wish I did, it was easier then.”
“So what are you making at the moment?”
“Oh, I’m just doing the preparation for my course work piece”
“What’s it going to be?”
“It’s just a model, it’s not very interesting.”
“Try me.” I looked at his serious face, confused. Most boys would run a mile rather than
discuss your school work with you. I started shyly, looking out for signs of boredom.
“It’s based on an idea I had while I was on holiday.” There was a loud shout from the other side
of the shop. A can of drink had been knocked over, as it had run towards the edge one of the
boys had shot his chair back to get out of the way and knocked the table so the whole lot had
fallen.
“For goodness sake.” Tick jumped up, then spun round when the little girl started crying.
She pointed to the elephant that she’d dropped into the sticky puddle. Tick swept it up and put
it on our table as Ryan came round with the mop
“Can you get some cloths?” Ryan asked. I was already moving. The gang of boys were torn
between laughing and apologising. They helped with wiping the tables but really it would have
been quicker to do it on my own. I eventually managed to get rid of them, assuring them that
no-one was cross with them and they’d be welcome back.
“You’d better get some soapy water, they’ll dry sticky if we don’t get it all off” said Ryan. As I
took the soggy towels back to the laundry hamper I saw Tick sit the still crying girl at the table
and dab at the elephant with a cloth. All the while Ryan and I were washing the tables and
floor he kept up a comforting commentary about how the elephant would be fine once he’d
dried it. I knew he meant well but I thought she’d just be more disappointed when he finished,
it had looked beyond saving when he’d flopped in onto the table.
I took the bucket and mop into the back room, letting Ryan get back to the counter. I rinsed
everything and put it away then pulled out an apron, it was probably time for me to start work
now anyway. When I came back the girl and her mother were all smiles. Tick saw me and
ushered them urgently towards the door, but not before I’d seen the elephant in her hand. It
looked fine, the paint hadn’t run and the glue hadn’t dissolved. It looked exactly as it had
before it had been dunked in Coke. Tick’s face was guilty. He gave me a worried look then
slunk past me to the office. My new resolution to relax and accept wavered. Ryan snapped his
fingers in front of my face.
“You okay?” he asked. I remembered how comfortable I’d felt sharing chips with him, the
genuine interest in his eyes as he asked about my art.
“I’m fine” I said.
27
These cakes are dangerous
I had a good time at Sophie's but Emma was quiet. No-one mentioned Chloe, but we all
knew we were avoiding conversations that would bring up her name, and that just made it feel
more obvious. It helped that Sophie had so many DVDs, we could spend the gaps between
films deciding which one to watch next.
“This one!” Jo pulled one from the bottom of the pile and waved it at us.
“Oh no, that’s got the dumbest story ever” complained Sophie.
“But he’s so hot. And he takes his shirt off.”
“The girl’s unbearably irritating. All she does is mope round and let everything happen to her. I
don’t see how he could ever fancy her, she’s not even pretty.”
“But he takes his shirt off”
“For about two seconds.”
“I’m fed up with romance,” announced Emma “I think it’s overrated.” There was an awkward
pause.
“What’re you doing with all the money you’re earning Kate?” Sophie jumped in.
“Nothing really, now I think about it.”
“You mean it’s all building up in the bank? If I had a job I’d have new clothes every week.”
Emma was disgusted.
“I know. The money gets paid straight into my account, and I just sort of forget about it. It’s
probably time for a splurge. At least I’ll have enough for a decent shopping trip.”
“Wait till you know what you want. No point in spending it just because it’s there,” advised
Sophie.
“Sophie! Don’t listen to her Kate, she sounds like my mum!”
“Supposing she’s asked on a hot date or someone has a party, she’ll be sorry if she can’t afford
to get something new” Jo cut in.
“I might get a new school bag, though.” Emma threw herself back in the chair with a wail.
“What about Strikes?” asked Jo.
“Yes!” Emma bounced up. “Kate will want new clothes for that.” Strikes is a nightclub on the
edge of town. It’s bigger and smarter than the clubs in town. The other clubs have regular
under-eighteen nights but Strikes only holds a couple of sixth-form nights a year. They sell the
tickets through the schools so they can control who goes. Girls in our class who had older
boyfriends had gone last year, they all said how great it was. Although they had avoided using
the expression, Strikes is more “grown-up” than anything that we’d been to.
“If they have one,” sighed Emma. “You never know when they’re going to do it, it would be just
our luck if they stop now that we’re old enough.”
“But when they do they only give a week or two notice, Kate will be well sick if she spends all
her money then the posters go up. You have to buy your ticket really quick, and when Holly
went she said the drinks were disgustingly expensive.”
“They’re right, Kate. Better save your money just in case.” Emma looked suddenly worried. “If
I’ve spent all my money will you lend me enough for a ticket? I don’t get much pocket money”
“Of course.”
“I knew I could rely on you, you’re a true friend.” I pulled a face, I didn’t want to be
manoeuvred into being Emma’s friend and not Chloe’s.
I rang Chloe on Sunday but it went straight to voicemail, I left a message but she didn’t ring
back. I thought about not calling for Emma on Monday morning but we always walked to
school together and I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. I was desperately trying not to take
sides, but arriving at school with Emma made it hard to look neutral. When we walked into the
form room Chloe wasn’t in her usual place, she’d moved to a table at the back. I went straight
to it and sat next to her. Emma looked at the three empty seats where we usually sat then spun
back round to a spare seat at the front, her new neighbour visibly flinching from her straight
back and rigid shoulders as she stared straight ahead.
“You can sit with Emma if you want, I don’t mind.” Chloe kept her head down, doodling on her
28
notepad.
“Don’t be stupid.”
“I had a wonderful time on Saturday with Matt.”
“Good.”
“I think we’ll probably be spending more and more time together, we get on so well.”
“Okay”
“When you get a proper boyfriend you’ll know what I’m talking about. You don’t want to spend
time with a load of giggly girls.”
“Don’t you?”
“You want to do more adult things.”
“I can’t think of anything you do with Matt that you haven’t done with me and Emm.” Chloe
giggled; after a couple of seconds I joined in. “Well apart from the obvious. You know what I
mean.”
“Emma is jealous” said Chloe.
“So? No need for you to rub it in. More adult things! You should hear yourself.”
“What do you want me to do? She started it. I’m not going to apologise to her for her having a
go at me.”
When I walked out to my first lesson Emma was lying in wait in the corridor.
“What did you talk to Chloe about?” she wanted to know.
“Just stuff.”
“Me?”
I frowned. “Don’t do this Emma, it’s not fair.” Emma picked up her bag and walked away
without saying anything. I followed slowly behind.
I spent the lunch break in the art room working on my sculpture. The ideas were
slowly coming together and it was restful to just potter about knowing that neither Emma
nor Chloe would think to look for me there. I remembered Sophie asking about my wages
and decided to go into town after school. I could afford some retail therapy, and I wouldn’t
have to walk home with Emma. I felt bad as I thought the last bit, but I was fed up with
both of them. At the end of the day I grabbed my coat and skipped out quick before either
of them could catch me. The only niggling worry was that if I avoided them both I might
end up with no friends at all.
There aren’t many clothes shops in the High Street, all the big stores have moved out of
town, so I wasn’t tempted to splurge. I’d meant to fill the time between school and work but I
was finished quicker than I expected; apparently it's much easier to make decisions when you
can afford things. I checked my phone, there wasn’t enough time to go home and get back
down. Even if I walked slowly I would be early for work but I couldn’t be bothered to wander
round shops I'd already been in. As I strolled along swinging my bags someone called my
name. Tick jogged over to my side of the road grinning.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“Work.”
“You don’t seem very enthusiastic.”
“I’m just trying to kill time, I’m horribly early.”
“Can I buy you a coffee then?” He looked at me seriously as if he expected me to say no.
“Okay.” He beamed at me, and my heart started beating faster. As I fell into step beside him I
reminded myself that he was freaky and weird and I wasn’t interested in him in that way. He
29
walked past the Golden Fry to the café on the corner, he’d opened the door and ushered me in
before I’d registered where we were. As I sat down I looked round at the lacy tablecloths and
shelves of knick-knacks and tried not to smile. I hadn’t been here for ages, not since Mum
brought me and Grandma. He was watching me carefully.
“Is this all right?” he asked.
“This is fine,” I said.
“They do the best cakes here, you must have cake.”
“Okay.” His enthusiasm was charming. A waitress in a white frilly apron appeared beside us.
“Tea of coffee?” Tick asked me.
“Tea please.”
“What type of tea?” asked the waitress, I looked at Tick in panic.
“We’ll have a pot of Assam please,” he turned to me, “Cake?” I nodded. The waitress wrote on
her pad then left us sitting in silence.
I fiddled with the corner of the tablecloth, folding it into pleats then smoothing it out again.
“Did you have a successful shopping trip?” asked Tick.
“Just bits and pieces.” He was still looking at me attentively. “A belt and some earrings.” He
nodded, his face politely interested. “And some hairclips,” I finished lamely.
“Your hair looks very striking when you wear it lose,” he said.
“But I have to tie it back for work, sometimes I leave it long for school but it just gets in the
way.”
“I suppose so.”
“I could always get it cut shorter, that would be easier.”
“It would be a shame though.” The tea arrived in an elegant pot, Tick confidently dealing with
the whole tea strainer and hot water jugs palaver. Having something to do created a friendly
comfortable atmosphere, I’d totally relaxed by the time I picked up my teacup and took a sip.
Tick smiled at me over his cup.
“Jasper said that you have a brother who’s away at university. Do you miss him?”
I started laughing. “You obviously haven’t got a brother or you’d never have asked such a
stupid question.”
“Actually I do have a brother.”
“You do?” I stared at him; I’d never heard him give out any personal information before. Tick’s
eyes were wary, he looked a bit guilty.
“But we were talking about your brother,” he said. I took another sip of tea, scanning his face
over my cup, and took pity on him.
“Luke’s studying archaeology. I can’t understand it myself but he thinks spending a week
sifting through mud to find a small lump of corroded metal is fascinating.”
Tick relaxed. “Is that all he ever finds, small lumps of corroded metal?”
“The most exciting thing they ever found was a kink in the road”
“You’ve lost me there.”
“Roman roads go straight, if the road bent to go round something it must be something
important. Apparently.” I laughed and shrugged.
“But that is interesting.” Tick leant forward slightly. “Did they find out why?”
“To be honest, I don’t know. He doesn’t talk about it much to me.”
“So what do you talk about?”
“Usually he winds me up till I shout at him, that’s about it really.”
“So you don’t miss him at all?”
“I do a bit, but I’d never admit that to him. The house was strange the first time he went, it
took a bit of getting used to. I hadn’t realised how much he created a cushion between me and
the parents.” A trolley carrying an incredible collection of huge gateau appeared alongside the
table at that point. I turned to it gratefully, I couldn’t work out how the conversation had got so
deep.
It looked like a small child’s dream. Three tiers of elaborate creamy temptation, each one I
looked at more seductive than the one I'd just intended to choose. The waitress waited
30
patiently while I dithered.
“What are you going to have?” I asked Tick.
“Ladies first.” He smiled mischievously at me. I pointed to a strawberry gateau.
“Good choice,” he said as the waitress deftly cut a huge slice and flipped it onto the dainty plate
without disturbing any of its intricately piped cream. Tick chose a meringue the size of a small
basket. I lifted a piece of cake on my fork hoping it wouldn’t fall into my lap.
Tick raised his eyebrows enquiringly. “Good? I told you.” I nodded, my mouth full. We ate in
silence for a while; the cakes deserved our full attention. With a sharp snap Tick’s meringue
exploded everywhere as he poked it with his fork. I put my hand over my mouth, trying to
stifle my giggles. He pulled a face at me, his eyes dancing as he picked the shards off the
tablecloth.
“These cakes are dangerous,” he muttered.
“Worth it though.” I took another mouthful of gateau. Tick leaned over and examined my plate.
“Is it as good as it looks?” he asked.
“Want to try a bit?” He reached over with his fork and took a small corner.
“Mmmm, good. Here.” He picked up a piece of his meringue and popped it into my mouth. The
touch of his finger against my lip made me catch my breath, my heart raced so loudly I thought
everyone must hear it. I concentrated hard on my cake as Tick topped up my cup, not daring to
look at him.
When I trusted myself not to drop the cup I drank some tea and looked across the table at
him.
“Do you miss your brother?” I asked. I watched him carefully but he stayed relaxed.
“Like you, I didn’t expect to. I was looking forward to being on my own but independence is
harder than you think.” I didn’t really understand what he meant but I nodded.
“What’s he doing, your brother?”
“He’s away working. Can we talk about something else?”
I rested my chin on my hand and gave him a mock challenging look. “Okay, you start.”
“Err, are you enjoying working at the Golden Fry?”
“That was pathetic.”
He laughed. “It was wasn’t it?” I looked at him steadily, my chin still on my hand.
“I’m waiting,” I said.
“Why do cakes in old fashioned tearooms always taste better than any other cakes?”
“That’s better. I don’t know, perhaps it just all the fuss that comes with them.”
“Maybe. We should come here again.”
I looked at the full trolley. “We’ll have to come lots of times if we want to try all the different
cakes.” His smile spread slowly from his lips to his eyes, I basked in his happy gaze.
“I’d like that,” he said.
Tick insisted on paying the bill.
“You can pay next time,” he said. I hurried to work trying to squash the excitement I felt at the
thought of there being a next time. All through my shift my thoughts kept drifting back to Tick,
the way his eyes sparkled with laughter, his gorgeous face focusing intently on mine. I
remembered how he’d smiled at me, his eyes warm and friendly. I kept running my memories
through in my head, looking for hints of anything more than just friendliness. I couldn’t make
up my mind, maybe I was reading more into it than was really there. When I got home my
mind was still circling round his lovely face. I lay in bed trying to decide what I wanted. All
along I’d been wary of him, now that we appeared to be friends it wasn’t sensible to even play
with the idea of anything more. I knew he was weird, that hadn’t changed. I should be more
suspicious of him, remember how strange he could be. The memory of his finger brushing
against my lip, the intensity of my reaction, rose in my mind. I knew that I was just kidding
myself. I didn’t want him to be my friend, I wanted more than that. I wasn’t going to be
sensible. But what did he want? I didn’t know, and now that I’d been honest with myself the
uncertainty was horrible.
31
I dreamed I was back in the big tree
My perch was higher; I was astride a narrow branch, leaning my back comfortably against
the ample trunk. I looked down but the ground was obscured by a lattice of growth. The leaves
were darker now, a drab olive background accented by the largest flowers I had ever seen. The
simple shapes, just four petals curving away from a dark knobbly centre, hung abundantly
from the branches on slim pale stalks. I touched my finger against one which was dangling
near my face. It bounced away then swung back, the glossy petal wasn’t as fragile as its flimsy
fluttering had suggested.
32
What kind of films do you like?
In the morning the image was still strong, again it felt more like a memory than a dream. In
art class I had a go at drawing the flowers in my sketch book. We’d been told to keep a record
of any interesting images that we came across, so I filled two pages with studies of the flowers
and leaves. I was concentrating on trying to show how shiny the curves of the petals were
when Miss Jones looked over my shoulder.
“That’s interesting, where did you see them?” she asked.
I blushed. “I dreamed them,” I mumbled.
“Do you think they should have six petals? That’s more usual”
“No, they definitely have four.”
“Well, it’s your flower, it’s up to you. Unusual blue centres, quite striking.” She moved on and I
started a new picture, trying watercolours this time. As I leaned over the page I realised I was
humming quietly to myself, the warm safe feeling that had filled the tree infusing me as I
painted. I was glad of the calm that the memory brought, the rest of the day had been tense.
Emma and Chloe still weren’t talking and their increasing stubbornness was frightening me. I
was worried about them, they were both obviously miserable, but I was also getting lonely.
When Jasper had asked me to work that evening to cover for Maureen, who was sick, my
eagerness had surprised him. He’d asked apologetically if I could do him a big favour, but I was
grateful for something to fill my time. And Tick might be there. Part of me hoped he wouldn’t
be; I was both excited and terrified at the thought of seeing him again. I just knew that I would
mess it all up. I’d probably misread the situation, he wasn’t interested in me at all, just being
friendly. I’d most likely embarrass myself, blush and go all gooey, embarrass him so that he
kept out of my way. “Keep calm” I muttered under my breath as I washed the brushes.
When I arrived at work Hanna was working the counter and Ryan was frying. Jasper was
sitting at his table, drawing circles round the small ads in the local paper. No Tick. I didn’t
know whether to be disappointed or relieved. I lifted the counter flap and went through to the
office. Tick was there looking for something in the desk. He gave me a huge smile, I could feel
myself blushing as I smiled back. Turning hurriedly to the clean laundry hamper I grabbed an
apron then scurried back to the safety of the shop.
Ryan was teasing Hannah about the date she had that evening. She’d been asked out in the
shop by someone she was serving, so the date had become public property. Everyone who
worked with her felt they could comment or give advice. She was taking it well, I’d have died of
embarrassment by now.
“Where’s he taking you?” Jasper put his paper down and joined in.
“We’re going to the pictures.”
“That’s a bit cheap isn’t it? For a first date? He looked as if he could afford a decent meal.”
“Are you sure you can trust him in the dark?” asked Ryan.
“More than I could trust you, I expect” shot back Hannah.
Ryan waggled his eyebrows at her. “You know you want me. I’m the date of your dreams.”
“Nightmares, Ryan. You mean nightmares.” Hanna flicked her apron at him as she went past to
the office.
“I’d even let you choose the film!” he called after her.
Jasper laughed. “Even if it’s a rom-com?” he asked.
“Maybe, for Hannah. Did you hear that?” he asked her as she came back in her coat. “For you
I’d even sit through two hours of mush.” She rolled her eyes at him and lifted the counter.
“What’s a rom-com?” asked Tick.
Jasper sighed. “Girl meets boy: girl falls out with boy over some misunderstanding or another:
misunderstanding is resolved: close up on romantic kiss: the end. Audience snuffles happily
into a tissue. The older I get the less I understand females. Why do they cry at the happy bits?”
“Why do males judge a film by how many cars get smashed up?” I countered.
“Not just cars, we like actresses in short skirts too.”
“And guns” added Ryan.
33
“And guns” I agreed grinning at him. Tick was leaning against the wall watching me, his eyes
dancing with laughter. I shuffled the paper into a neater pile and moved the salt and vinegar
around, suddenly shy.
“What’re you doing?” I asked Jasper.
“I’m hoping that someone doesn’t know what they’ve got.”
“What?”
“Cars.” Jasper waved the small ads at me. “Sometimes you can pick up something collectable
ridiculously cheap because the person selling it thinks it’s just an old banger.”
“Is that honest?” I asked pretending to frown, Tick chuckled. Jasper looked hurt.
“I always pay the asking price,” he said.
The conversation stopped for customers, the tea-time rush was starting. As Tick and I
worked together I fought against a sudden hyper-awareness of how close his body was to
mine. Although I tried not to look at him, I’d developed a force field that trembled if he came
within six inches of me. I concentrated on the customers, trying to keep my face calm. After a
while the rhythm of work took over and my heart stopped rushing. Then the last customer left
and Tick turned to me. I looked in to his wonderful smile, my heart seemed to swell in my
chest, and I felt just as frazzled as I had before.
“I’ve never been to the cinema” he said.
“What?”
“Since I moved here. I haven’t been to the cinema here, is it any good?”
“Okay I suppose, fairly standard.”
“Do you go much?”
“Sometimes, depends what’s on.”
“What kind of films do you like?”
“All sorts, I don’t know, most things really.”
“Do you like any of the films showing at the moment?”
“I don’t know what’s on. It’ll be online, but most people just choose when they get there.” I
held my breath, was he going to ask me out?
“How many screens does it have?” he asked.
“Five? Six? I can’t remember.”
“So there’s always a reasonable choice? Most people would find something they want to see?.”
“Um, I suppose so.”
“You should definitely look at the website before you go” said Ryan. “Sometimes they have
special offers or vouchers you can print.”
“Yes, I’ll do that, if I go.” I tidied the salt and vinegar on the counter, trying to work out what
had just happened.
Customers came and went and Tick and I served them. I kept thinking about the
conversation. Had I misunderstood the situation? Was it only wishful thinking? Maybe he
wasn’t interested in me, just being friendly because we worked together. Maybe I had
exaggerated it all in my head. It was my lack of experience that was letting me down. I didn’t
have any male friends, I didn’t know how to tell the difference. Or, I realised, he might have
been shy in front of Ryan. Hanna had been given a rough time, perhaps he couldn’t face that, or
thought that I wouldn’t want to. That made sense, I’d been so focused on Tick I’d forgotten
about Ryan. I concentrated on that idea, ignoring the warning voice that said I probably had
got it all wrong.
Ryan waited till Jasper had gone before he turned the charm on. “Do you mind if I pull away
early?” He leaned over the fryer with his little boy grin. Tick turned to me.
“What do you think?” he asked. “Do you mind doing his share of cleaning?” I tried to look
unenthusiastic.
“I don’t mind this time, but I’m not prepared to make a habit of it” I said, thinking Yes! Yes! Go
away and leave us alone together.
“You’re both heroes, I won’t forget this. I’ll do the same for you sometime.” Tick raised his
eyebrows and I sniggered. We both knew that when it came to favours Ryan was usually
34
receiving not giving them. I served the last few customers in a daze of anticipation. I tried not
to shoot sideways glances at Tick as we worked, just kept my eyes on my hands and
concentrated on not dropping anything. Ryan practically beat the last customer to the door,
flipping the closed sign round as he went through.
Tick laughed. “I wonder where he’s going?” I shrugged, self-conscious.
While he was shutting down the fryer I took a cloth round the tables and chairs. We worked
in silence, my heart racing as I waited hopefully. I started on the counter, wiping the salt and
pepper pots and re-filling any that needed it. I did a thorough job of cleaning the counter,
making it last as long as possible to give him a chance to speak. He smiled at me as he passed
by with the chip buckets and my cheeks started to burn but he didn’t say anything. Finally I
ran out of jobs. I decided I would have to give him a nudge.
“So were you planning on going to the cinema?” I asked casually as I followed him into the
back room.
He looked surprised. “What? Oh no, not really. I was just making conversation.” My hand shook
as I undid my apron. So that was that then. It was all in my imagination. It didn’t matter how I
felt, he wasn’t interested in me. I’d made it all up like a stupid little girl.
35
Italian men are very romantic
To: ‘Emma’;’Chloe’
From: Kate
Subject: please please stop it
It’s my birthday next week. I want to do something fun with both of you. If you won’t both
come I won’t do anything. Don’t make my birthday lonely and sad. Sort it out NOW.
To: ‘Kate’
From: Chloe
Subject: Re:please please stop it
What do you want me to do? Emma won’t come anywhere near me. There’s nothing I can do if
she won’t let me talk to her.
To: ‘Kate’
From: Emma
Subject; Re:please please stop it
We can have fun just the two of us I’ll make sure you have a great birthday.
To: ‘Emma’
c.c. ‘Chloe’
From: Kate
Subject: Re:please please stop it
SORT IT OUT for me please
To: ‘Kate’
From: Emma
Subject: Re:please please stop it
I can’t sort it out don’t know how. Can’t you sort it?
To: ‘Chloe’
From: Kate
Subject: Fwd: Re:please please stop it
Over to you
On 10 October ‘Emma’ wrote
I can’t sort it out don’t know how. Can’t you sort it?
To: ‘Kate’
From: Chloe
Subject: Re:please please stop it
If I make first move Emma will think she didn’t do anything wrong
To: ‘Chloe’
From: Kate
Subject: Re:please please stop it
I’m making first move just get over yourself and make second move
To: ‘Kate’
From: Chloe
Subject: Re:please please stop it
I don’t want her to think she can get away with it. Can’t you get her to apologise? Matt’s crowd
is ok but I miss us.
36
To: ‘Emma’
From: Kate
Subject: Fwd: Re:please please stop it
She misses you
On 10 October ‘Chloe’ wrote
I don’t want her to think she can get away with it. Can’t you get her to apologise? Matt’s crowd
is ok but I miss us.
To: ‘Kate’
From: Emma
Subject: Re:please please stop it
If I apologise she’ll think I’m jealous of her just cos shes got a BOYFRIEND
To: ‘Chloe’
From: Kate
Subject: Fwd: Re:please please stop it
Of course she's jealous, but you shouldn’t rub it in. She IS sorry, please leave her a bit of pride
On 10 October ‘Emma’ wrote
If I apologise she’ll think I’m jealous of her just cos shes got a BOYFRIEND
To: ‘Kate’;’Emma’
From: Chloe
Subject: Kate
What do you want us to do for your birthday Kate?
To: ‘Kate’;’Chloe’
From: Emma
Subject: Re:Kate
Whatever you want kate itll be SO great looking forward to it already we’ll grab Chloe at the
gates tomorrow and start planning
To: ‘Kate’
From: Chloe
Subject: Re:Kate
That was easy!
To: ‘Chloe’
From: Kate
Subject: Re:Kate
Told ya!
I’d sent the email because I was desperate. I tried not to think about Tick but it was no use,
he hung about at the back of my mind all the time. When the image of his gorgeous smile or
his dancing eyes surfaced embarrassment flooded me. The longing hadn’t gone away; it was
just wrapped round with an unbearable feeling of loss. My whole life was falling apart. I
couldn’t do anything about Tick, but if I could fix Chloe and Emma I felt I might not go totally
under. Luckily, working three days in a row had given me a respite. Jasper hadn’t scheduled me
to work for a while so I hadn’t had to face Tick yet. Even that was making me miserable.
Although I was dreading the next time I met him my stupid stupid heart was pining because I
hadn’t seen him for so long. I focused on seeing Chloe and Emma the next day. I didn’t really
want to do anything for my birthday, though I was quite smug at how well my email had
worked. Now I had to work up some enthusiasm and ideas for tomorrow.
I needn’t have worried, Emma had enough ideas for both of us. I gave a definite no to a big
37
party, she didn’t push it very hard, she’s always said I’m the boring one.
“Next year you’ll have to have a party” she said. “When you’re eighteen.”
“I don’t think there’s a law.”
“I’m going to have a huge party next year, with drinks and a band and dancing and I’ll wear a
stupendously hot dress and everyone will talk about it for ages.”
“The dress or the party?” asked Chloe laughing.
“Both. Why don’t you have everyone to yours, not a party, just some people over like at
Sophie's the other night? ”
“That would work, maybe you could all stay.”
“A sleepover! We haven’t done that for years.” Emma was bouncing on her chair like a six year
old.
“What did you do at Sophie’s?” asked Chloe.
“We just watched films” I said.
“And ate chocolate” added Emma.
“And popcorn, and crisps. It was fun. We should do it.”
“Ask your mum.”
“Okay, I will. We could do it next Saturday.”
“Make sure you’re not working. Get Jasper to give you the evening off” said Chloe. I tried to
ignore the sudden rush of emptiness that threatened at the thought of The Golden Fry.
When I did see Tick it was almost an anti-climax, I’d built it up so much in my mind. I
walked into work and he looked up and smiled his lovely smile, my smile felt a bit wobbly to
me but he didn’t seem to notice.
“Kate.” I told myself I was imagining it, but he sounded pleased to see me.
“It doesn’t mean anything” I muttered to myself as I took my coat off and put my apron on.
“Talking to yourself? Not a good sign.” I spun round blushing. John grinned as he threw his
apron in the dirty laundry, I grinned back guiltily. Maureen served the customers with me
while Tick fried. The shop was busy and the routine settled me, I stopped avoiding looking at
Tick and chatted easily with Maureen and the customers. When there was a break and
Maureen went to put the kettle on, leaving me with Tick, I panicked slightly.
“It’s been quiet without you.” Tick came round the fryer, taking a mug from Maureen as she
came back.
“It’s never quiet in here” I said, firmly squashing the little flutter of excitement in my stomach.
That’s true, I don’t know how Jasper puts up with you all.” Maureen smiled indulgently as she
drank her tea. “Where is Jasper? He hasn’t been in as much as usual.”
Tick shrugged casually. “He’s got some things to do.” I was surprised that Maureen didn’t have
any more questions, she loves a bit of gossip, but she just nodded and drank her tea.
“Is he still after his owls?” I asked. Tick gave me an exasperated look.
“I don’t know” he said flatly. The door opened and he went back to his side of the fryer. I
couldn’t see why he was cross with me, I was only chatting. It was like the time I asked about
his name I realised as I rang the money into the till; I’d thought then that he was weird and
moody. But now I didn’t care, it didn’t make him less attractive. You’re better off without him, I
told myself. But it didn’t change how I felt.
He was fine for the rest of my shift, talking easily whenever we were free. Maureen told us
about an exciting plot twist in one of the soaps she followed and we ganged up to tease her.
When he grinned at me, his eyes sparkling, my stomach dropped as if I was in a lift. He did
seem to like me, I thought to myself as I walked home, just not the way I wanted him to. He
obviously only saw me as a friend. Well, there was nothing I could do about it. I needed to find
a way of enjoying his company without suffering or yearning for anything else. One thing I
definitely had to do, I had to make sure I never said or did anything to reveal my true feelings.
That would be too embarrassing.
I spent the next few days saying “Just a friend, just a friend” until I thought I had persuaded
myself that it was true. Then he walked into the shop as I was working, my heart skipped, and
I knew that it was useless. But I hadn’t blushed, if I could keep myself under control at least
38
no-one else would know how pathetically smitten I was.
“You’re early” said Hannah
“Sorry. Don’t let me stop you if you’re enjoying yourself. I’ll just sit here and watch you work.”
Tick sat with Jasper.
“Hanna’s being picked up from here.” Jasper was grinning wickedly. “I think that’s very brave
of him, she can’t have warned him.”
“You promised to behave! You all did!”
“They will behave. Won’t you?” I’d never heard Maureen sound so fierce. “Don’t let them upset
you, love, they don’t mean it.”
“Why is he picking you up from work? Is it so that you don’t get a chance to shower? Maybe
he’s turned on by the smell of fish. That’s probably why he asked you out in the first place, he
was overcome by the sexy aroma surrounding you.” Hannah glowered at Jasper, who looked
unrepentant.
“You lot are totally the pits. Fabio is a nice guy, leave him alone.”
“Fabio!”
“He’s Italian, what of it?”
“Fabio the fish fancier!” Jasper and Tick collapsed in giggles, I was trying hard not to join in,
and I could see Maureen’s mouth twitching.
“Italian men are very romantic” said Maureen frowning at Tick and Jasper. “I wouldn’t mind an
Italian boyfriend.”
“George might have something to say about that” said Jasper.
“Well, even an old married woman can dream” said Maureen, setting Jasper’s giggles off again.
Hannah and I joined in this time, Maureen didn’t seem to mind.
“What about you Kate, I expect you wouldn’t say no to a nice young Italian.” I stared at
Maureen in panic, my mind blank.
“I can just see Kate sat in a gondola being serenaded by a handsome chap with a rose between
his teeth” said Jasper. My face was getting hot, I still couldn’t think of anything to say.
“Has Fabio got any friends?” asked Maureen.
“An old one for Maureen and a young one for Kate” said Jasper. “That’s a bit of a tall order.”
“Mature” corrected Maureen.
“That’s what I meant, of course” he agreed. “And maybe he’s got a sister for me.”
“Belt up all of you, he’ll be here soon.” Hannah flapped her hands at us in a panic. “You’ve made
poor Kate blush.”
“Now you’ve made her blush even more” pointed out Jasper. “What’s wrong Kate, don’t you
want a romantic Italian boyfriend?”
“Perhaps she’s already got one” said Hannah. I shook my head, still scarlet.
“No boyfriend at all?” asked Maureen. I shrugged feebly. “Well that won’t do, a lovely girl like
you. We’ll have to sort someone out for you.”
“What do you think this is; a dating agency?” asked Jasper.
“All I’m saying is a nice girl like Kate could have her pick of the young men if she put her mind
to it.” No I couldn’t, the one I picked wasn’t interested. I smiled weakly at Maureen wishing
she’d shut up.
The bell rang and we all looked round, the woman in the doorway hesitating at the sight of
five guilty faces. Hannah started undoing her apron.
“I’m stopping now, okay with you Tick? Tick?” He was frowning into the middle distance,
Jasper rolled his eyes and dug his elbow into his side. Tick stood up, still looking thoughtful. I
smiled at him as he walked past but he didn’t look at me. Hanna glared fiercely at us all. “If he
turns up while I’m getting my coat, make sure you behave!” We all nodded meekly. She didn’t
look reassured, but when the bell rang again we barely took any notice. Jasper glanced up
casually.
“Are you looking for Hannah?” he asked. “She’ll be out in a minute, take a seat.” He picked up a
discarded newspaper and the rest of us found jobs to keep us busy. Hannah beamed round
gratefully as she came back through. She took Fabio’s arm and gave a cheery wave as they left.
39
“He seemed like a nice young man to me” said Maureen.
“How can you tell?” asked Jasper. Maureen tutted and went to put the kettle on.
40
That night I dreamed that I was working at the Golden Fry
The dream me stood apart from the working me, an impotent observer. From my out of
body perspective everything was vague and fuzzy except me, I was crisp and slightly glowing
as if under a golden spotlight. I watched myself shovel chips and work the till with a dancing
grace I’ve never achieved in real life. My hair was hanging long and loose, when I flipped it off
my face it shone. The watching me wanted to approach the working me, but this was
impossible. Although there was no visible barrier between us I knew, the way you can in a
dream, that the watching me was unable to move. A tight knot of sorrow was heavy in my
chest, it twisted as the working me turned and smiled. Panic gripped me as I realised that the
distance between us was growing. I fought furiously to get back to my original vantage point
but the air between us was thickening. I flailed desperately with my arms but every movement
threw me farther away. I cursed and pummelled the syrupy air that sucked at my back,
drawing me into a mire of misery. When I woke my pillow was damp, my cheeks salty with
tears.
41
Sometimes it doesn't work out like that
The dream didn’t stay with me for long. Although I kept telling myself that I was too old to
get excited, my birthday was large in my thoughts. Even the fact that Tick hadn’t been around
when I went to work hadn’t got me down. Mum and Dad had agreed to the sleepover, Mum
promising that they’d keep out of the way before I’d even asked. I really wanted them to go out
for the evening, I kept dropping hints but they were ignoring them.
Emma and Chloe insisted on meeting up on Saturday morning to organise me. Emma was
disappointed that they were too late for us to go shopping with Dad.
“Did you tell him to get crisps as well as popcorn? What about chocolate?” She didn’t have
anything to worry about, he came back with a car-full of snacks and drinks for them to carry in
while I made the cup of tea he insisted he'd earned. Even Emma was impressed.
“It’s going to be awesome” she said as they dropped the last bags onto the floor.
“Look!” Chloe picked up a box, grinning at me.
“No!” It was a huge birthday cake, pink and sparkly with flowers and bows all over it. “Dad!”
“What’s wrong with it? All girls like cake.”
“I’m not six!”
“He’s got candles too.” Chloe showed me the packet, also pink and glittery.
“Great aren’t they?” asked Dad.
“Balloons! He’s got balloons!” Emma started dancing round the room. “Can we put them up
now?”
“Are they pink?” I asked.
“Only half of them. The rest are white. Come on let’s put them up.”
“There’s nothing else is there? He’s not got prizes for party games or anything? I think he’s
losing his mind.”
“Don’t be such a curmudgeon Kate; you’re never too old for cake and balloons. I’ll go and get
the stepladder and some drawing pins, you start blowing them up.” Dad gave the dancing
Emma an approving look and swept out. Chloe was giggling quietly. I decided that I would look
silly if I tried to be dignified, I’d just have to go with it.
“Wow, great balloons” said Jo as she came in and she was right, the room looked good, not
too childish, just fun. Shame about the pink, but you can’t have everything. They put everyone
in a party mood straight away and we were soon all talking loudly across each other and
passing big bowls of snacks round. I opened my cards and presents then someone suggested
putting a film on and the volume level grew even higher as we all argued for different ones. We
settled down eventually, I made a note to myself to thank the parents. There hadn’t been a sign
of them, even when we were all shouting at once.
“Cake now” announced Emma as the final credits came up. She plonked it on the coffee table
and lit the candles. I didn’t mind when they started singing, I didn’t even mind the pink
sparkliness of it, I was having fun. As I blew out the candles everyone was calling “Make a
wish”. I shut my eyes and Tick’s eyes sparkled back at me. I shook my head to clear the image,
that wish wasn’t going to come true.
“Come on then.” Emma gave me a knife and I started cutting slices and passing them round.
“What next?” Chloe was sitting on the floor with her back against the end of the sofa
balancing a slice of cake on her hand
“Kate should choose; it’s her birthday.” As Emma grabbed the remote from Chloe and shoved it
towards me Sophie pulled a DVD from her bag and dived towards the machine.
“This, we're going to have this. I picked it up this afternoon.”
“What is it?” we all asked.
“You’ll like it, trust me.” She kept her back to us, popping the disk out of its case and sliding it
in to the player.
“Show!” Emma threw a screwed up serviette at her head. Sophie turned, her arms crossed
across her body, hiding the case. She ducked her head as a shower of serviettes flew at her. We
picked up Emma’s chant, all calling out “Show! Show! Show!”.
42
Sophie said “Who’s got the DVD buttons? Why don’t you just turn it on, then you’ll see what it
is.”
“You’re bum’s in the way” said Chloe. “Who has got the buttons?” There was a bit of
rummaging about in the cushions then I pressed play while Sophie sat back down.
It was a High School romance; we’d all seen it before but it had only just come out on DVD.
“I love her skirt” said Emma
“She does wear nice clothes but it’s the way they’re put together that makes her look so good.”
“I can never look like that, I’ve tried.”
“Well, it’s a film isn’t it?” said Jess. “There’s a whole load of costume people and stylists that
make her look like that.”
“But even if I copy what she’s wearing I don’t look like her.”
“I’ll bet all those clothes are really expensive” said Chloe.
“Who cares what she looks like when he's so cute?” demanded Amy.
“Isn’t he?” sighed Sophie.
No-one said anything for ages, the film had pulled us in and now we were working towards
the sad, intense part. I nudged Emma with my foot and held my glass out to the bottles on the
table, she poured me a drink without taking her eyes from the screen. As she lifted the
lemonade the top came off in her hand and sticky fizz fountained over her as the bottle spun
and landed in the cake plate. Everyone shrieked, Emma jumped up as we all started laughing.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry” she kept saying.
“No worries, I’ll get something to mop it up.” I started for the kitchen.
“Pause the film” said Chloe, “I don’t want to miss anything.”
“Everything all right?” asked Mum as I opened the kitchen door.
“Just a bit of lemonade, it’ll be fine.”
“Hmm” said Mum. She was sitting at the kitchen table with Dad and Jasper.
“Hi Jasper, I didn’t know you were here.” He was laughing as I picked up the kitchen roll and
took another unopened packet from the cupboard.
“Just a bit of lemonade?” he asked. “That’s a lot of tissue.”
“Well, quite a bit of lemonade. But it’s all fine” I said quickly to Mum.
“Have some more wine, Anne. Worry about it in the morning.” Dad topped up her glass. I ran a
cloth under the tap and scuttled out quickly.
Everyone grabbed some tissue and started mopping. I attacked the worst of the stickiness
with the wet cloth. The left-over cake had exploded dramatically, there was pink icing
everywhere.
“You’re parents are going to be so mad.” Chloe was giggling as she piled up the soggy paper.
“Kate, can I get a towel?” Emma’s hair was dripping slowly onto her top, her trousers had huge
wet patches on her knees. We all burst out laughing as she stood hunched in the middle of the
room.
“Come up, I’ll find you some dry clothes.” I left her in my bedroom with some of my clothes
and a big towel.
“Don’t start the film till I get back” she said. When I got back down it didn’t look too bad. Chloe
was going round with the wet cloth looking for any bits we’d missed. I found the remote and
ran the film back to the last bit I remembered then paused it to wait for Emma. She was gone
for ages. We’d practically forgotten about the film, we were gossiping and laughing. Jo
pretended to spill her drink for a laugh and then nearly did spill it, which was hilarious. We
didn’t notice Emma return until she said “Look who I found” and Tick followed her into the
room.
He hung back diffidently, Emma pulling him in by his arm.
“I rescued him” she said.
“I came to pick up Jasper, but he’s not ready yet.”
“And I said you don’t want to be with the old people, come and see us” finished Emma
triumphantly.
“Are you sure I’m not in the way?” Tick’s eyes flicked round the room and rested on me.
43
“Don’t be silly.” Emma pushed him into an armchair. “Sit there. Do you want a drink?”
“No thanks.”
“Look, I’ve just found a whole load more food. Here,” she passed bags of Doritos and jars of
dips over, “open these while I get a drink.” I concentrated on tipping the packet into an empty
bowl, my heart hammering in my chest. It was just so unexpected, I hadn’t seen him for ages
then he suddenly turns up in my house. Emma sat on the arm of Tick’s chair.
“Pass that over” she said. I handed the bowl to Jo, who passed it on. I didn’t trust myself to look
at Tick.
Chloe picked up the buttons. “Can we start now?”
“Wait,” said Sophie, “I want to get some chips and dips over here”
“Tick will hate this” said Chloe. “Perhaps we’d better wait till he’s gone.”
“No, you carry on, I don’t want to spoil your party.” Chloe started the film and I stared at the
screen, trying to ignore him as I watched an actress cry because the boy she loved didn’t love
her.
Jo handed the chocolate to me, as I passed it on she nudged me again. She flicked her eyes
towards Tick and raised her eyebrows grinning. I looked over reluctantly, but when I did I
could see what was amusing her. Tick was totally absorbed in the film. Most boys put up with
romantic films to keep girls happy, Tick was watching carefully as if someone would be setting
a test later. Jo and I exchanged amused looks, I shrugged. I was used to Tick not being like
other boys, unfortunately it didn’t put me off him. We watched the rest of the film in silence,
when they got together at the end the girl cried again and I nearly embarrassed myself by
joining in.
“Oh that was so romantic” exclaimed Jess. “I nearly cried when she found the letter.”
“I like the bit where they both keep going to talk at the same time then stopping” said Chloe.
“He is bit wet though” said Emma. “If he’d talked to her after the party she wouldn’t have got it
all wrong.”
“Would have been a much shorter film though” said Chloe, we all laughed.
“I didn’t see the beginning. Why was she angry with him?” Tick wanted to know. Everyone
started talking at once, trying to explain the plot to him.
“I still think that in real life he should have told her how he felt” said Emma.
“Sometimes it doesn’t work out that way” said Tick.
Jasper put his head round the door. “Sorry to interrupt ladies.” He looked round the messy
room grinning. “You fit?” he asked Tick, who jumped up pulling the car keys from his pocket.
“Happy Birthday Kate.” Tick smiled as he said it but his eyes were sombre. He followed Jasper
out, shutting the door behind him.
“Is it getting late?” asked Chloe.
“Doesn’t feel late” said Emma. “What’re we watching next?”
“It’s late enough for horror?” asked Sophie. We all went Oooh in spooky voices.
“What’s that?” asked Emma. She picked a package up from the table. “It’s another present
Kate, look.”
“I though I’d opened them all, where did it come from?”
Emma found a label “It just says Kate.”
“It must be from Tick” said Chloe. “Why didn’t he give it to you?”
“I didn’t see him put it there” I said weakly.
“Did anyone else bring it?” Chloe looked round the room, everyone shook their heads. “There
you go then.”
I took the present, trying to work out how no-one had seen him with it. It was beautifully
wrapped in coloured tissue with a silver ribbon. I sat looking at it in my hands.
“Open it then,” someone said, and I pulled at the ribbon with shaky fingers. The paper fell
away and I was holding a book covered in leather. It was a beautiful colour, deep deep pink,
almost on the edge of purple, fastened by a long thong of soft leather that wrapped round it. I
undid the thong and opened the book, the pages were blank. I stroked a finger over the thick
cream paper.
44
“It’s a journal” said Chloe.
“It’s gorgeous” said Emma. My finger was still stroking the empty page. It was easy to imagine
it filled with writing and little sketches. A book like this would make anything you put in it
special.
“I can’t believe he just left it behind” said Sophie. “Why didn’t he give it to you himself?”
“Perhaps he’s shy” suggested Amy.
“It’s quite a present. Do you think he fancies you?” asked Jo. I shook my head hard.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes I’m sure that he’s not interested in me that way.”
“That’s a shame, he’d make a great boyfriend if he always gives such good presents.”
“Well he’s not going to be my boyfriend. What film are we putting on now?”
45
Did you see the look on his face?
The book from Tick sat on my dressing table; every time I walked past it I stroked it.
Sometimes I’d open it and pick up a pen but I always ended up just looking at the page. I
hadn’t written or drawn anything in it yet, it was so perfect that I was afraid to spoil it. I hadn’t
been able to tell him how much I loved it, twice I’d been to work and he wasn’t there. The next
time he still wasn’t working so I checked the rota. Tick was working every day, but never when
I was. It was odd but it had to be a coincidence, I decided to send a message through Jasper.
“Tick gave you a present?” Jasper was frowning.
“Yes, for my birthday. Could you just tell him thank you from me, I haven’t seen him to tell him
myself.” Jasper looked so cross I wished I’d never mentioned it. What was it to him if Tick gave
me a present? “So if you could just let him know how much I liked it?”
“Don’t worry, I’ll definitely mention it to him.” His voice had a menacing edge, I hurried back to
the customers wondering what was going on.
Jasper was in bad mood for the rest of the afternoon. He suddenly slapped the paper onto
the table and stood up, we all tried to look busy.
“Things to sort out. Try not to burn the place down.” As the door shut behind him the
atmosphere lightened. Everyone exchanged glances but no-one seemed to know what had
upset him.
Chloe and Emma picked me up from work and walked home with me, we were going to the
pictures after tea. I left them in my room while I showered. When I got back Emma had Tick’s
book.
“There’s nothing in it” she said.
“Good, if people are going to just pick it up and look in it.”
“It was there in the open, you hadn’t hidden it away.”
“Out in the open in my room, not some public place. Supposing I’d started keeping a diary in
it?”
“Sorry, I didn’t think.”
“It’s okay.” I was embarrassed. I’d overreacted because it was from Tick, but to Emma it was
just a sketch book. I dried my hair and we went downstairs, Dad was cooking.
“What’s for tea?” asked Emma.
“Chilli and jacket potatoes, you timed that well, it's just ready.”
“I’m starving” said Chloe as we sat down.
Dad put plates on the table with a flourish as he sang. “Here he comes to save the day! Baked
potato on its way! Fighting hunger, fighting crime! And always there in the nick of time!” Chloe
and Emma laughed, I didn’t.
“I take it tea’s ready then.” Mum came in and sat down.
“Anne, I was just about to call you”
“No need, I heard you upstairs.”
“Do you girls need a lift?” asked Dad as he sat down
“Yes please.”
“I’m going out with Jasper this evening. If I drop them off can you pick them up?” he asked
Mum.
“Good luck with that.” I hadn’t meant to say it out loud. Dad frowned at me.
“What does that mean?”
“Nothing, it’s just that Jasper was really moody this afternoon.”
“What about?”
“No idea.”
“He seemed fine when I spoke to him this morning, I wonder what’s up.” I shrugged.
“He has seemed a bit distracted lately.” Mum spooned some chilli on to her potato. “Pass the
sour cream over. Do you think there’s something wrong?”
“With Jasper? He hasn’t said anything.”
“But what do you think? Have you noticed anything?”
46
Dad thought for a minute, pushing his food round with his fork. “He might have something on
his mind, but he hasn’t said anything so I can’t ask.”
“Why not?”
“Don’t look at me like that Anne, that’s just the way it is with men.”
“But you’re his best friend.”
“Just take my word for it. Jasper won’t thank me for interfering.” Mum let this go, and we ate in
silence for a while.
“I think maybe Tick has done something to get on his nerves” said Dad eventually.
My eyes shot from my food to Dad’s face. “What?” I asked.
“I don’t know; it’s just an impression. He hasn’t said anything specific, I’m just joining up a few
separate comments.”
“Well, that’s not so surprising” said Mum. “He’s used to living on his own, a teenage boy can be
very irritating.” Emma shoved a large lump of potato into her mouth to stop herself giggling.
Mum glanced at her and smiled. “Well they can. Especially if you’re not used to them. See if you
can find out anything tonight Dave.”
Dad sighed. “I don’t want to interfere, he’ll talk to me if he wants to.”
“Aren’t you concerned about him?”
“Don’t worry, if he starts telling me his problems I will listen and advise. Then I will come
home and tell you what he said so that you can tell me that I said all the wrong things.”
I had no idea what Tick could have done to upset Jasper. I kept turning it over in my mind
but I couldn’t think of anything plausible. Tick wasn’t like other teenage boys, it was hard to
imagine him and Jasper rowing about the sort of things that Luke had argued about with our
parents. I hoped Tick was all right. If he and Jasper weren’t getting on then he might be lonely.
I remembered him talking about missing his brother; I didn’t know how many people he knew
round here that weren’t associated with the Golden Fry. There was nothing I could do. I didn’t
see him at work and when I asked Dad he said Jasper hadn’t mentioned anything. I’d tried to
ask casually, I didn’t want anyone realising how interested I was.
It crept up on me gradually like a toothache. A small twinge of longing when he wasn't at
work, an unexpected stab of pain when Hanna and Ryan were laughing about something he'd
done yesterday. Then the jolting realisation that my love-crazed brain wasn't playing tricks on
me; a long time really had passed without me seeing him, and I could no longer ignore the
huge cavity in my life. Once I'd become aware of it I couldn't leave it alone. My thoughts
constantly circled round the absence that was Tick. No matter what was happening, I could
find a way that it reminded me of him, perversely digging away at the hole, keeping it raw. As
more and more time drifted by with no sign of him the pain became a constant dull ache until
the cavity crumbled into a black hole, swallowing me up to float aimlessly in the cold dry dust
of my loneliness. Nothing snagged my interest or could hold my attention. How had this
happened? How had I let everything fasten onto one person without realising? I went through
the motions, school, work, home; when Strikes posters went up at school I drifted in the
slipstream of everyone else's excitement. My world was a grey desert with no highlights. Then
he walked into the chip shop and colour flooded back into my life.
I knew I was beaming at him manically, the realisation made me blush. Smiling broadly, his
eyes met mine and my face grew hotter. Looking down at the counter I tried to will the blood
away from my cheeks. A quick glance sideways reassured me that no-one seemed to have
noticed my reaction.
“Hello Kate.” I looked up into his eyes; he was still smiling into my face. “How are you?” He
leaned his elbow on the counter, his beautiful eyes holding mine.
“Oh, you know. Same old same old.” What a stupid thing to say, I wanted to die on the spot.
“Jasper not working you too hard?”
“No more than usual.” This was turning into the stupidest of conversations.
“How’s school?”
“Schools okay.” There was a long pause. I wanted to say something but my mind was blank.
“I think I’ll put the kettle on. Do you want coffee?” Tick moved away from me and I started
47
breathing again. It felt like no time before he was coming back, giving out mugs. He put one on
the counter in front of me and drank from his.
“You’re not working today are you?” I asked, “You’re not on the rota.”
“No, I just thought I’d call in and see how you were.”
I remembered Jasper. “How are you?” I asked. He gave my question some thought before
answering.
“I’m okay” he said. I wondered what had been going on. He did look okay though, his eyes
were sparkling as he looked down at me. “I’m pleased to see you” he said suddenly. I was too
startled to blush. He looked away as the door opened. “I’ll get out of your way.” He took his
drink out to Jasper’s table and watched us as we worked. It was all I could do to stop myself
singing, I felt so happy. I knew now not to take his comment the wrong way. He was pleased to
see me because we were friends, no more. But it was better than nothing and I would take
what I could get. I’d really missed him.
We were very busy, even for the weekend; the queue was continuously topped up and I had
no chance to speak to Tick. He watched us for ages, I wondered that he wasn’t bored but he
looked happy enough.
Chloe and Emma came in and waved at me. “Kate! We need to talk to you.” They came up to
me, bypassing the queue. A man cleared his throat pointedly and glowered at them.
“I’m a bit busy.” I smiled apologetically at the throat clearing man as I wrapped an order.
Emma gave him a long stare. “I’m not jumping the queue. I don’t want to buy anything” she
announced loudly. The man tried to stare her down but Emma had practised on Mrs.Warner. I
quickly moved on to the next customer, skipping out of John’s way as he went for the till.
“It’s Strikes” said Chloe.
“Uhhuh?” I balanced a piece of plaice on the chips without looking at her.
“My mum agreed to give me money for Strikes clothes and we need to arrange a shopping
trip.”
Emma said. “You haven’t bought anything yet Kate. It’s on Thursday, I don’t know what you’re
playing at.”
“So we’ll go shopping.” I handed out some change and turned to the grumpy man.
“Cod and chips twice, sausage and chips and a pickled egg if it’s not too much trouble.”
“When can you go?” asked Emma, ignoring the loud sighing beside her. I grabbed his food as
quickly as I could.
“Salt and vinegar on your chips?” I asked politely.
“If you can tear yourself away from your social arrangements long enough.”
Tick appeared at Emma’s shoulder. “Why don’t you sit with me until it’s a bit quieter?” he
asked. Emma leaned over the counter to me.
“Overcharge him” she hissed before Chloe tugged her away. I gave my customer a weak smile.
He watched me like a hawk as I rang his food into the till, carefully counting his change before
he moved towards the door.
Eventually the customers petered out. John grinned as I slumped onto the counter.
“I’m probably in big trouble now”
“Don’t worry about it, he was just grumpy.”
“I could have killed Emma.”
John burst out laughing. “Did you see the look on his face when she said overcharge him?”
“Oh, I’m going to be in so much trouble when Jasper finds out.” I put my face down into my
arms. John nudged me and nodded over at Jasper’s table where Tick was laughing with Emma
and Chloe.
“I don’t think he’s going to tell him. Do you?”
“I hope not.” Tick looked at me, his eyes amused. I frowned at him, my head still on my arms. “I
hope you’re not laughing at me” I said.
“Oh Kate, he was horrible.” Emma sprung up and stroked my head. “Do you have to put up
with lots of nasty old men?”
“Only when my so called friends turn up and annoy them. So when are we going shopping?”
48
“That’s all arranged. Tick’s giving us a lift.”
“Really? You’re going to take us clothes shopping?” Tick nodded, looking down at the table.
“Why?” I asked.
Emma answered for him. “Why not? Stop interfering with the plan, Kate!”
“Sorry, I was surprised, that’s all. Won’t you be bored?” I asked him.
Tick shrugged. “I don’t mind.”
Chloe said “He’s picking us up from school tomorrow. It’s great, because it means we can stay
longer. Mum won’t let me get the bus back too late but now we don’t have to worry about it.”
“That’s very kind of him.” I looked at Tick, but he wouldn’t meet my eye.
“Right, we’ll go now before any more of your horrible customers come in. See you tomorrow
Tick.” Emma gave him a huge smile as they left.
“I’ve got to be off too.” Tick started for the door then turned back. His eyes were serious as
they met mine. “I really don’t mind Kate.” Before I had a chance to reply he was gone.
49
It could be a date
Tick was in the middle of the school car park, unaware of the attention he was attracting.
Long legs stretched out, ankles crossed, lounging on the bonnet of Jasper's tatty car, his gaze
scanned over and through the bunched-up girls who had slowed as they passed him. When he
saw us his eyes lit, he smiled as he flowed upright.
“Hi Tick.” Emma overtook me. Tick grinned at her and opened the car doors with a flourish.
Emma bounced into the front seat and Chloe and I shuffled into the back. When Tick got into
the driver's seat Emma was fiddling with her seat belt.
“I can’t get it to work” she said plaintively. As Tick helped her with it she leaned towards him
so that his arm brushed against her. Chloe glanced at me and I rolled my eyes.
As we walked from the car Chloe looked at her phone. “What time do you want to meet up?”
she asked Tick.
“I haven’t got anything to do, I’m happy to stay with you” he said.
“Really? You want to tag along while we look at dresses?”
He shrugged. “Dresses, why not?” Tick followed us in and out of loads of shops, waiting while
things were tried on then discarded. His politely patient expression never failed, it was hard to
tell what he was thinking. Leaning against a mirror, he moved sideways so that Emma could
see herself as she held a dress in front of her.
“What do you think?” she asked.
Chloe pulled a face. “Too sparkly” she said.
“What do you think Tick?” Emma spread the dress over her hips as she turned to him.
Tick shrugged. “I don’t know anything about dresses.” He stepped backwards, leaning against
the wall and looking over her shoulder. Emma turned sadly back to the mirror.
“I don't think it's really me” she said.
Several shops later, Chloe had found and bought something really nice but I couldn't find
anything I liked. I was on the verge of giving up when Tick approached me, holding a dress on
a hanger.
“Try this one” he said.
“I thought you didn’t know anything about dresses!” Emma’s voice was sharp.
“I liked the colour” he told her, he turned back to me. “I think red will suit you.” I took the dress
automatically as he held it out.
“Try it on” said Chloe. Lost for words I headed back to change.
I wasn't at all sure about the dress as I put it on. The deep red wasn't a colour I'd have
chosen myself and the shape didn't look like anything at all as I took it off the hanger. When I
looked in the mirror I was astonished. It looked like something you'd see in a magazine photo,
fitting smoothly round my body to show off all the right bits. Somehow it's total simplicity
shouted “look at me” more than any of the fancier dresses I'd tried on. I padded out in my bare
feet to see what they thought.
“It’s great” was Chloe’s verdict. I stood in front of the mirror feeling self-conscious.
“Stand up straight” said Tick quietly. I pulled my shoulders back and looked at myself. I did
look good. The dress made me look almost elegant and Tick had been right about the colour. I
tried to see what I looked like from behind.
“Do you think it’s too short?” I asked.
“Don’t be silly” said Emma.
“What about too low?”
“I don’t think it’s too low. Bend over and look at yourself in the mirror,” advised Chloe. I bent
forward and tipped my face up to see if the dress was too revealing. It looked okay. As I
straighten up I saw Tick’s reflection. He was staring at me with an unreadable look on his face.
The intensity of his eyes was unsettling. As I froze, trapped by his gaze, his eyes changed focus
so that we shared a fleeting look of incredible power before he turned away.
“Are you going to get it?” asked Emma.
“Hmmm?”
50
“The dress! Are you going to buy the dress?”
I pulled myself together. “What do you think?”
“Are you kidding? You look great, of course you should get it.”
Chloe was looking at the label. “It’s quite expensive” she said.
“But worth it.” Emma turned to Tick. “What do you think?” Tick looked at me.
“You look wonderful” he said. His eyes were sad.
“That’s settled then. You can afford it Kate, you’ve got loads of chip money stashed away.
You’re going to need some proper shoes to go with it. High heels, fancy toes.” She shooed me
back to the changing room before I got round to speaking.
When I’d finished at the till I looked about for the others. Chloe and Emma were idly
looking at clothes while they waited. Tick was leaning against the doorway, his head down, his
face withdrawn. He looked up as we joined him but his expression didn’t change.
“Can we stop for a bit?” asked Chloe. “I need to eat something soon.”
“Can we get the fancy fruit ices?” asked Emma.
“That’s all the way round the other side, poor old Tick’s looking knackered all ready.”
“I’m offended now. I can make it if you can.” Tick smiled at Chloe, but it was only a movement
of his mouth, it didn’t affect his eyes.
“Follow me!” Emma held out her arm in a dramatic gesture and lead the way. I was followed
absently, lost in my own thoughts, when Chloe nudged me and pointed in front of us. Emma
was half turned to Tick as she walked, talking animatedly with big gestures. Tick mooched
beside her looking at the floor. When forced to reply he was brief and barely interested. Emma
wasn’t giving up. She touched his arm, making him look at her, and smiled broadly into his
face. He nodded at what she’d said then turned back to the ground. Chloe raised her eyebrows
at me and I pretended to join in with her chuckle, a cold knot of fear in my stomach. We joined
the queue in the café, Emma still chattering at Tick. When we reached the counter she was full
of advice on what he should order, leaning in close as she pointed to the boards on the back
wall.
She went quiet when we sat down and fiddled with her spoon nervously.
“Are you going to the club night Tick?” she asked eventually.
“I thought it was just for sixth-formers?” he asked.
“They’re selling the tickets in school but you can buy a pair of tickets if you want to. I could
buy you a ticket.”
“So I could go with you, like a date?”
Emma looked at the spoon she was turning round and round. “It could be a date. But it
wouldn’t have to be if you didn’t want it to” she added quickly. Tick put both his hands flat on
the table and examined his spread fingers. Chloe and I were concentrating hard on our food.
“I don’t think that would be a good idea” said Tick. “If we went to the club together it would
feel like a date even if we said it wasn’t. I don’t think it would be fair of me to do that to you. I
like you very much but I’m not planning on getting into a relationship right now. I need some
space at the moment, I need to get myself un-entangled.” He looked at her. “What I need is
friends, will you be my friend Emma?”
She put a hand on his. “Oh Tick, did she break your heart very badly?” Tick shrugged.
“Eat your ice, it’s melting” he said. With a squeak Emma dived into her bowl, soon she was
talking about the shoe shops we should go to next.
As we left the café Emma put her hands on our arms so that we held back, leaving a gap
between us and Tick.
“Wow” she whispered her eyes wide. “Wasn’t that incredible? Poor Tick, it’s so romantic.”
Chloe nodded then nudged her sharply as Tick turned round. We hurried to catch him up.
No-one hung around the school gates on Thursday, everyone was hurrying back to get
ready. I’d found a great hairstyle in a magazine, it had instructions with pictures and I thought
I could do it but I decided to allow myself plenty of time just in case. I had a shower and dried
my hair then sat down in front of the mirror with the magazine in front of me. It wasn’t
complicated but it was hard to work out what was happening at the back. In the end I gave up
51
and shouted for Mum.
“I’m not that good at hair” she said, but between us we managed to get it twisted and clipped
the same as the photo. She gave me an approving smile in the mirror then left me to put my
makeup on. I concentrated, taking it slow as I had plenty of time, I didn’t want to smudge it
and have to start again.
Dad was giving us a lift there and he was waiting in the hall when I came downstairs. He
gave a wolf-whistle.
“Come on then, let’s not keep the young men waiting.” Dad picked up his car keys and made for
the door. Mum grinned at me as I rolled my eyes at his back. Emma got the wolf-whistle
treatment as she got into the car. She took it in her stride, she knew my dad. He kept up a
running commentary about the young men whose hearts we would be breaking that evening
until I wanted to got out and walk the rest of the way, but eventually we arrived and I could
say goodbye to him. The queue was long; girls excited and loud, guys trying to pretend they
weren't discussing the girls, we saw some people from school and snuck in next to them.
“Nice dress,” Jo said to me, “let’s see it properly.” I took a step back feeling self-conscious, then I
remembered a quiet voice saying Stand up straight. I lifted my head and turned in a circle,
balancing easily on my heels. I could see from the other’s faces that I looked good, and
confidence warmed me. We reached the front of the queue and I kept my shoulders back as I
handed in my ticket and got my hand stamped. I followed Emma to the bar and looked round
while we were waiting to be served. Emma caught my eye and raised her eyebrows.
“Very smart.” She put her face close to me so that I’d hear her. I nodded, it was much smarter
than the places we were used to. The dance floor was circled by two balconies edged with
mirrored panels, hanging in the space between them was a huge pink and black chandelier.
When we had our drinks we strolled round the edge, looking to see who we knew and
generally taking the place in. We went up the steps and leaned over the edge, watching the
people who were starting to dance.
Chloe found us there, she grabbed both our arms and dragged us to a crowd of people
which had taken over one of the tables at the top. Matt ran his eyes over me approvingly and
put both his thumbs up, Chloe kicked him, laughing as I blushed. The table was in a little bay,
which made the music a bit quieter, and there were lots of conversations being shouted across
each other as Emma and I were pulled in. I knew some of the people squashed round our table
but I talked to just about everyone. All the guys were talking to me, I decided it must be the
dress and resolved to wear it as much as possible from now on.
Later I found Emma in the ladies looking wistfully at the posters advertising upcoming
events.
“Look,” she said. “They have foam parties.” I agreed it looked fun. “Do you think I could pass for
twenty-one?” Emma was examining herself in the mirror.
“Not a chance,” I said. She nodded sadly then whisked back out to dance, I followed laughing.
The evening finished with our favourite songs, we all crowded onto the dance floor, putting
our arms around each other and singing along as loud as we could. Matt’s dad was waiting for
us in the car park. He ran us home and dropped us all off without saying much at all, I wished
he'd give my dad lessons in how it should be done.
52
I dreamed that I was dancing in a field
I was wearing my red dress but my feet were bare. The long grass was soft and yielding
between my toes as I twirled with my arms outspread and my face lifted to the blue sky. The
music that carried me round the field was orchestral, violins swooping plaintively round a
jauntier dance tune. I couldn’t tell where it was coming from, it floated in the air as if the grass
itself was singing. Someone else was dancing with me, I knew they were there but I couldn’t
see them. When I shut my eyes my sense of the invisible presence was reinforced, my partner
spun with me, our movements complimenting each other as we glided over the grass. I felt the
slightest touch of a hand on my fingers and opened my eyes. My companion fled, I couldn’t feel
him anymore; I stood alone in an empty field.
53
You don't need a reason to have a party
I was working Friday evening and all day Saturday, Maureen was on holiday and Jasper had
rung to ask a favour as Ryan was ill.
“I said you’d be working all the time,” said Emma. “Bet you end up working Sunday as well.”
“Hope not.”
“Do you think Ryan’s really ill? He’s probably just skiving, got a new girlfriend he wants to take
out or something.”
“He’d better not” I growled. I didn’t mind helping Jasper out and the money would be good,
but I wasn’t keen on losing a whole weekend.
When I walked in Jasper was behind the counter so I knew things must be bad.
“Kate!” He beamed at me. “Here, take over. John’s desperate to get away and I have to fry.”
“Where is everyone?” I asked as I hurried out to dump my bag and get an apron.
“Hannah’s caught Ryan’s cold, I think we’d better not ask about that.” He raised his eyebrows
and I giggled. “The new girl just didn’t turn up, I rang Abby but her husband’s going out and
she didn’t have a babysitter.”
“She just didn’t turn up?”
“Oh, it happens sometimes, people do one shift and hate it. The nice ones ring to tell you, but
you’d be surprised how many don’t.” He hadn’t mentioned Tick and I was worried that if I
asked I’d blush. I took over the till as he headed for the fryer and John shot out of the door. The
shop was busy, even for a Friday. Normally we’d have had three people working and Jasper
and I didn’t stop all evening. By the end we were both hot and stressed. Jasper gave me a lift
home, he kept telling me how grateful he was for all my hard work.
As I was getting out of the car he said “What are you doing on Sunday?” and my heart sank.
“I'm working tomorrow” I reminded him, “but if you can’t get anyone else I can work on
Sunday.” I tried not to sound unwilling; Jasper has always been kind to me. I thought about
playing the homework card but I knew that would be mean.
Saturday wasn’t so bad; with Jasper working we had the usual number of staff. There was
still no sign of Tick. I’d have thought that, living with Jasper, he’d have been the first one to be
called on. Jasper didn’t mention him and I didn’t ask. When the lunchtime rush died down I
took a can from the fridge and waved it at Jasper.
“Can I sit down and drink this?” I was already lifting the counter flap as he nodded. Abby
stretched and came over for a drink too.
“Where’s Tick?” she asked.
Jasper waved his arm vaguely. “He’s got things to do,” he said. Abby accepted this, as people
always did with Tick. I wondered what he could be up to that was more important than
helping Jasper out.
“I think this weekend might kill me.” Jasper was leaning on the counter, dabbing at his face
with a tissue. I laughed.
“Do you good to do some work for a change,” Abby teased him.
I agreed. “You can’t spend your whole life sitting out here ordering us about.” Jasper sighed
melodramatically and flopped his head onto the counter.
Tick turned up during a quiet patch halfway through Sunday afternoon. Jasper looked up as
he strolled in.
“Everything all right?” he asked.
“It’s all fine. Hi Kate.” Tick smiled at me as he came through the counter. “Are you working?” he
asked Jasper.
Slumping against the counter, Jasper whimpered dramatically. “All weekend. I’ve been trapped
in this hell hole all weekend.”
“That’s flattering” said John.
“No offence meant I’m sure, but I’m supposed to be watching you lot slaving, you’re younger
than me.”
“And fitter” grinned Tick.
54
“Charming!”
“Well, I’m here now. I can take over, you’d better go home and rest your feet.”
Jasper straightened up, his face serious as he ran his eyes over Tick. “Are you sure?” he asked.
“Yes, it’s all right.”
Jasper frowned at him. “I was exaggerating for comic effect. I can finish off here really.”
“But I’m young and fit.” Tick glanced at me. “Can you put the kettle on please Kate?” As I
moved away from the counter he took Jasper’s elbow, speaking in a low voice as he led him out
to his table.
“Was it really that bad?” Tick startled me, I hadn’t heard him come in behind me.
“It’s been pretty grim. Where were you?”
“I had some things to do.” His voice was dismissive, then he stopped and looked at me. “I had
some personal things to sort out,” he said in his normal voice. “Jasper knew they were
important, he didn’t mind. I would have been here if I could.” He looked at me carefully to see
how I would react, I shrugged and nodded then turned to the boiling kettle.
“Everyone’s either sick or away” I told him as I sorted the cups out. “The new girl didn’t come
in, Jasper’s been working all weekend. Abby covered some extra shifts but she has to have
someone home with her kids.”
“Poor old Jasper, no wonder he looks rough.” He leaned on the back of a chair, flinching as he
took the weight off his foot.
“Are you hurt?” I asked.
He looked surprised. “No.” I kept an eye on him as I turned back to the cups. When I looked at
him sideways there was an indefinable battered look to him. It was as if I knew there were
bruises but I couldn’t see their colours. I faced him, leaning back against the shelf. He watched
me warily, his eyes dark brown.
“Are you sure you’re all right?” I asked.
“Yes, I’m fine.”
“Did you smash up Jasper’s car?” I thought maybe he was trying to hide it from him till he’d
recovered from the weekend.
“No I didn’t wreck the car.” He spoke as if he was humouring a small child.
“Have you been fighting?” His grin was so quick I wasn’t sure I’d seen it.
“Your tea’s getting stewed” he pointed out as I continued to study him. He sighed. “Please Kate,
there’s nothing wrong with me.”
“Can you get the milk out of the fridge?” Turning from him, I started fishing teabags out of the
cups.
John and I both rested our backs against the counter enjoying the break, Jasper and Tick
were sitting at Jasper’s table their heads close together. Tick was speaking rapidly,
occasionally Jasper would interrupt him.
“Ryan rang me this morning, he sounded rough, I don’t think he’s going to be back soon,” said
John. I groaned.
“When’s Maureen back, do you know?”
John turned his head. “Jasper, when’s Maureen back?” Jasper and Tick were still deep in
conversation. “Jasper?” John raised his voice and Jasper spun round guiltily. “When’s Maureen
back?”
“Wednesday” said Jasper standing up. “I can’t wait.” He picked up his tea and drank it down in
one. “I’m going to pull away now. As long as you’re sure that’s all right?” he asked Tick.
“Go, it’s fine.” Jasper gave us all a wave and disappeared out of the door as Tick came round to
our side of the counter. “Let’s hope it stays like this for the rest of the day.” The bell rang as the
door opened. Tick rolled his eyes making me giggle as I turned round to see who it was. Matt
came in and put a large bag on the counter.
“Chicken pie and chips and sausage and chips, please,” he said rummaging in his pocket.
“I rang you but you didn’t answer, I guessed you were here,” said Chloe as she shut the door.
“It’s been a bit hectic” I admitted.
“Good job it’s quiet now, we’ve brought something to show you. We felt sorry for you working
55
all weekend, so we’d thought we’d come and cheer you up.”
“What is it?” I asked suspiciously as Matt started opening the bag. He pulled out a laptop and
opened it.
“Pictures!” he announced.
“It’s all the photos from Strikes. You’re in loads of them.” Chloe turned the laptop round so that
we could all see it then clicked on the arrow. “Everyone uploaded their best ones.” John moved
round to get a better look.
“Look at you” he said when the first picture of me came up. “You clean up good.” I slapped at
his arm, blushing.
As the slideshow went on I became more and more aware of Tick standing next to me.
There were a lot of pictures of me, some with groups of people and some with whoever I was
talking to at the time. You know how it is when someone points a camera at you, you move
closer to the person you’re standing next to and smile. There were some of us dancing and
various other collections of people, but it felt as if every other picture was of me cuddling up
with a different guy. John, Matt and Chloe were commenting on the pictures but Tick stood
silent. There was a tension in his body that I could feel over the tiny gap between us, I couldn’t
understand it but it made me self-conscious.
“What do you think of the dress Tick?” asked Chloe. Tick lifted his eyes slowly from the screen.
“She looked nice” he said to Chloe, he didn’t look at me at all.
“Oh Kate, I nearly forgot. Will you be working next Saturday night?” asked Matt.
“No idea, Jasper hasn’t done the rotas yet. Why?”
“Joe’s having a party.”
“I’ll be there if I can. What’s it for?”
Matt looked at me pityingly. “You don’t need a reason to have a party.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll swap with you if you need it” said John. “Or Tick will, won’t you?”
“I suppose so” said Tick.
John frowned at him. “It’s only fair, she’s worked her tail off this weekend. She’d do it for you.”
“Don’t worry if you’ve got plans” I said quickly.
“I haven’t got any plans. Of course I’ll swap with you.” He smiled at me. “I hope you have a good
time.”
“Bound to” said Matt. “Joe’s parents are away.”
“You’re joking! The house will get wrecked!” As I said it I realised how boring and sensible I
sounded.
“That’s what I said” said Chloe, to my relief.
“Nah, it’ll be fine. We’ve done it before.” Matt obviously found us amusing. “So you’ll be there
then?”
“Oh yes.” Chloe and I exchanged looks, I could see her thinking the same as me; whatever
happened wouldn’t be our problem.
Chloe filled Emma in on the party at school the next day. The first thing she said was “What
shall I wear?”
“Something hot” advised Chloe. “That’s the other thing I was going to tell you. When they were
planning it Dan asked me, super casual, will Emma be coming. So I said do you want me to
invite her?”
“What did he say?” asked Emma.
“Nothing, just tried to act cool.”
“Which one’s Dan?”
He’s quite tall. Blond hair, always cut very short. He was at Strikes.”
“I didn’t notice him.”
“Well he noticed you.”
“But I still don’t know which one he is.”
“When we all went to Matt's? He was there then.”
Emma pulled a face. “That was ages ago, I can’t remember.”
“Was he there when we had burgers a couple of weeks ago?” I asked.
56
“Yes, I think so, he’s usually with them.”
“I think I know him. He was wearing a T-shirt with a flamingo on it.”
“Probably, he wears it a lot” said Chloe.
“That was a really cool T-shirt. I remember him now. He’s not bad looking, he didn’t say much
though.”
“He is very quiet” agreed Chloe. “That’s why I was surprised when he asked about you in front
of everyone. He must like you a lot.”
“So what should I wear?” Emma asked again.
I laughed. “Sounds like it doesn’t matter, he’s already hooked.”
When I called for her she was still trying to make up her mind. I had to sit on her bed and
give an opinion as she cycled round the same tops and bottoms in different combinations. At
least she’d already done her hair and make-up. I wasn’t too bothered; I’d rather get there later
when it had already got going. When we finally arrived there was no problem finding the right
house, the party had overflowed into the front garden, music rolling out of the open windows.
We pushed our way in, Emma looking round for Dan. As soon as she saw him she turned away
and moved to the other end of the room.
“Aren’t you going to say hello?” I asked.
“Stop looking at him! Look as if we’re having an interesting conversation.”
I struck a sophisticated pose. “Like this?”
“Stop fooling about, this is serious.” Her nervous face stopped my laughter.
“Is he looking at me?”
“I don’t know, I’m not allowed to look.”
“I’ll move round like this, then you can pretend to be talking to me and sneak a look over my
shoulder.”
“He’s not looking at you.”
“What’s he doing?”
“He’s talking to some guys who’re sitting on the floor.”
“Does he look like he’s trying not to look at me?”
“No, he looks like he’s having an interesting conversation.” We both started laughing.
“Let’s go get a drink” she said.
We squeezed our way into the kitchen. It took ages to shove our way through to the drinks
as we kept stopping to talk to people, some guys we’d never met gave us both hugs as we
passed. It wasn’t till I turned round to start back out that I realised that the person behind me
was Dan, I nearly tipped my drink down him.
“Hello” he said. He looked over my shoulder at Emma and I tried to sidle sideways. She shoved
herself past me.
“Hello” she said. They stared at each other in silence.
“Great party” I said.
“It is, isn’t it?” said Dan gratefully. I dug my elbow into Emma’s side but she was still doing her
goldfish impression.
“Do you know all these people?” I asked.
He looked round vaguely. “Some of them. We usually tell everyone to bring all their friends.”
“That’s a good idea” said Emma as if it was the cleverest thing she’d ever heard anyone say. A
gap opened on my other side and I slid into it; just as I thought I’d got away Emma’s hand
clutched at my elbow and dragged me back. She held on tight as we both gazed up at Dan.
“Well” he said. “I’ll probably see you around.” Emma’s fingers dug deeper as he turned away. I
pulled her off me and shoved her after him.
“Go ask him if he likes the music” I hissed. She gave me a pleading look but I stayed put. I
didn’t know any of the people near me but everyone was so squashed together that I was
pulled into a random conversation. This was great, I thought; Emma could sort herself out, I
was staying here.
When Chloe came over I was in a corner of the hall, talking to a guy who was standing in
front of me leaning one outstretched arm on the wall above my shoulder.
57
“Where’s Emm?” she asked.
“I haven’t seen her for ages. Not since I shoved her after Dan.” I told her about the meeting in
the kitchen.
“You mean she just totally clammed up? But she didn’t even know who he was the other day.” I
shrugged, Matt and Joe had appeared beside Chloe and I thought it would be too mean to
gossip about her in front of Dan’s mates. The guy I was talking to knew Matt and Joe; as they
argued over a band’s new single Chloe and I moved away so we could talk about Emma. I told
her how long it had taken to choose what to wear and she rolled her eyes laughing.
“I hope he’s worth it” she said.
“I don’t really know him”
“He’s a nice guy. Very quiet though, but that would probably suit Emm, she can do the talking
for both of them.” Matt came up behind her and wrapped his arms round her waist.
“Come with me, I’ve got something to show you” he growled in her ear. I raised my eyebrows
as he pulled her backwards. She waved goodbye, giggling.
“You know Matt?” asked my new friend as I laughed and waved back.
“Chloe really, we’re at school together. How do you know Matt?”
“He saved my life when a deadly snake bit me while we were trekking through the rainforest.”
“Huh?”
He grinned. “We go to the same school. It’s hot in here, do you want to get some fresh air?”
I followed him through the kitchen and out the back door. We sat on the grass drinking from
the cans he’d picked up on the way through.
“I’m glad I met you” he said, moving closer. I took a deep gulp of my drink as I realised what
was going on. He put his arm round my shoulder. “You’re so easy to talk to.” Because I wasn’t
self-conscious I thought, because I wasn’t interested. He kissed me and I kissed him back. It
was only polite really, I’d come out into the garden with him. It wasn’t his fault I’d been too
dumb to catch on when he suggested it. It was a long kiss and I tried very hard not to think
about Tick. We stayed in the garden for ages, talking some more and kissing some more. He
was a nice guy; good-looking, interesting, I tried hard to fancy him. When I was leaving he took
my number and I told myself I was looking forward to his call. He was just what I needed to
break my unhealthy obsession with the freaky boy who didn’t even want me.
So why did I feel guilty when Tick asked “How was the party on Saturday?” I was sitting at
a table in the Golden Fry getting some homework done before my shift started. Tick sat on the
chair next to me.
“Will I disturb you?” he asked.
“No, I’ve got tons of shading to do. It’s getting a bit boring.”
“What are you doing?”
“It’s my art course work. I don’t have enough preparatory stuff, I have to show how I’ve
developed my ideas into the finished piece.”
“I thought you already knew what your model was going to be?”
“I’m halfway through making it, but it has to look as if I’ve worked my way though from the set
theme to a finished idea.”
“So you’re cheating?” I glanced up, his eyes were dancing as he watched me colour in the
shadows.
“Everyone does it. It’s easier to decide what you want to do, then work backwards to the
question.”
“So what is that?”
I pulled a face. “I’m trying to start with organic shapes then move on to a machine type thing”
“So that’s your sculpture? A “machine type thing”? Sounds very impressive.”
“I might give it a better name before it gets marked.”
“So how was the party?”
“It was just a party. People, music, you know.”
“Not really. Did you have fun?”
“Yes, it was all right. There were loads of people there.”
58
“Did the house get wrecked?”
“Not while I was there. I don’t know what happened later.” I put my pencil down and frowned
at the picture, trying to decide if I needed to do anything else to it.
“Can I see?” he asked, reaching over as I pushed it away to start a new one. “So what is it?” He
laughed at my panicked face. “I’m teasing you, it’s good.” I shrugged, blushing. “Did you meet
many new people? At the party?”
“Some.” I flicked through my sketch book, trying to sound casual. “Emma met someone.”
“You mean Someone? With a capital S?”
I giggled. “Sort of. In the end. At first it looked like she was going to blow it.”
“What happened?”
“She just froze when he started to talk to her.” I gave an impression of Emma’s goldfish face, he
laughed. “He’s very shy, he plucked up enough courage to come and talk to her and she just
stood there.”
“That doesn’t sound like her.”
“I know, I couldn’t believe it.”
“When we went shopping she wasn’t lost for words.” I shot a sideways look at him, I’d
forgotten about her asking him to the club.
“Well this time she just went to pieces” I said. We both laughed.
“They got themselves sorted out though?” he wanted to know.
“Yes, they went on a date the next day, so presumably they must have managed a proper
conversation at some point.”
“What are you doing now?” I was still flicking through my sketch book.
“I’m hoping for inspiration. I’ve just realised that I don’t have enough organic things to work
from. I should have gone into the garden at the weekend and sketched some plants.” I stopped
at the studies I’d done of the flowers I’d dreamt, wondering if I’d get away with using them.
Miss Jones had said that they weren’t proper plants, but did that matter? This was art not
horticulture. Pulling a piece of rough paper out of my bag I propped the sketchbook in front of
me while I tried to sketch out some ideas that could use the flowers.
“Did you meet anyone?” asked Tick. I glanced up. “At the party?”
“You mean Someone with a capital S? No.” Well, that wasn’t a lie, he wasn’t my “Someone”. And
he hadn’t rung me yet.
“Maybe next time” said Tick cheerfully.
“Maybe.” As I went back to my drawing I wondered why I didn’t want to tell Tick about him.
We were friends, never going to be anything else. Here we were gossiping, wouldn’t this be the
sort of things that friends talked about? Keeping my face down I look sideways at him under
my lashes and realised that I could never be his friend. It was just pretence on my part, so that
I could take what I could from his company. It was embarrassingly pathetic but I didn’t care. If
the boy from the party did ring I knew that I’d turn him down.
He watched me work for a while. When I reached sideways he picked up the rubber and put
it in my hand.
“We never did try more of those cakes” he said.
“So when do you want to go?” I concentrated on my picture, trying not to sound too
enthusiastic.
He looked round as Jasper came in. “Can I get back to you?”
Jasper plonked himself heavily on a chair. “You wouldn’t believe the queue at the bank. Every
little old lady in the town was in front of me. They take so long, old ladies, and that’s without
them stopping to chat. Any chance of a cup of tea?” He looked beseechingly at Tick.
“You want me to make you a cup of tea?” Jasper nodded eagerly. “I’m going to start keeping a
score. Number of cups of tea I make you against the ones you make for me.”
“But I’m an old man.”
Tick snorted as he stood up. “Would you like a cup of tea Kate?”
I grinned at him. “Yes please.”
“You’re welcome, unlike some lazy old men I could mention.” Jasper moved my pencil case,
59
making room for his tea when it came.
“Good to see you working hard, can I have a look?” That was the problem with doing art in the
shop, no-one asked to see my chemistry homework. He was looking at the open sketchbook.
“They’re very realistic, I can’t remember what they’re called.”
“Do you know them? That would be great. My teacher said they weren’t real, but if you can
remember their name she couldn’t fuss.”
“I can’t remember where I’ve seen them, but it will come to me. Where did you see them?”
“I don’t know, I think I must have done without realising it. They were in a dream I had, but
that’s what happens with dreams isn’t it? Silly things you don’t remember turn up.”
“Ooh good, a dream. What happened?” Jasper’s interested in dreams, he says they give you a
sideways view into the human mind.
“I think you’re going to be disappointed, they were very boring.”
“Recurring dreams? Even better.” He was staring at the flowers in my book thoughtfully. I
hoped he’d remember where he’d seen them. “So what happened?” He took his mug from Tick.
“Do you know these flowers?” he asked him. Tick looked at the page and frowned. “Sit down”
said Jasper, “this could be interesting. So Kate, what happened in your dreams?”
“Nothing. I was just sitting in a tree, that’s it.”
“A tree with these flowers that your teacher doesn’t think are real?”
“The first time there were just leaves, like this.” I lifted my pencil from the paper and used it to
point at some of the studies. The second time there were flowers and the leaves were darker,
those ones there. Honestly, they were very boring dreams.”
“But you remembered them?”
“I don’t know why.” I thought about it as I added some lines to my drawing. I’m used to
describing my dreams to Jasper, most people who know him have had this conversation at
some time. “It was because of how I felt, it was as if the tree was making me safe. I don’t know,
it sounds silly.”
“Homesick” muttered Tick absently as he doodled on a scrap of paper.
“That’s it.” I looked at him but he was focusing on the pen. “It was like I was remembering a
safe place while I was somewhere I wasn’t sure I wanted to be. Does that make sense?”
“Hmmm, probably. Have you had any other good dreams recently?”
I laughed. “You mean more interesting than that?”
“That was very interesting. What else have you got for us?”
“I don’t know. I dreamt I was watching myself, that was a bit surreal. I was working here, but I
was outside my body, watching. Any good?”
“Maybe. What do you think Tick?”
“I don’t know anything about dreams.” Tick stood and turned towards the door.
“Hang on a minute, I’ll give you a lift home” said Jasper.
“That’s all right, I’ve got some things to do.”
“No, no, I insist. It’s the least I can do after you made me such a lovely cup of tea.” As he chased
after Tick I hurriedly swept all my stuff into my bag. I hadn’t noticed the time, someone would
be waiting for me to take over behind the counter.
60
We didn't know he was lying
The boy from the party, I still didn’t know his name, never rang. I was relieved, turning him
down would be really stupid, and I’d never hear the end of it from Chloe and Emma. When I
was talking to Tick I’d been certain that I wouldn’t go out with him, but I knew that was the
wrong decision. My obsession with Tick was unhealthy, I should try to break it. I didn’t fancy
party guy but I liked him, we’d talked for ages and snogging him had been far from unpleasant.
What was I going to do? Drift round aimlessly, single and lonely for the rest of my life? Would I
be behaving badly if I had a boyfriend I only pretended to fancy? It didn’t matter anyway, he
hadn’t rung. I tried not to count the days off, the longer it went without him ringing the
happier I was. That’s how pathetic and sad I was, I told myself. Instead of wanting to have a
life, I was glad that nothing was coming between me and my impossible dreams.
All our talk at school was about Emma and Dan. Chloe had been right, once Emma had
started talking she didn’t stop, Dan just stood at her shoulder grinning. He looked happy, it
obviously suited him. At break and lunch she told us all about him. I didn’t mind, I was pleased
for her. When she told us “Dan said this” and “Dan said that” it was hard not to smile. From
what I’d seen Dan never said anything, but I was prepared to take her word for it that he
managed to speak when they were alone.
I was only half listening when she said “Oh Kate, Dan told me something about Charlie.”
“Who’s Charlie?”
“Oh very cool. The guy at the party? The one who had his hand up your skirt?”
“No he didn’t!” I stared at her and Chloe. “He didn’t!”
“He says he did” said Chloe gently.
“Bastard!”
Emma had started giggling. “You mean he didn’t get anywhere at all?”
“No! We kissed, that was about it.”
“About it?”
“He definitely didn’t have his hand up my skirt, nothing like it. Bastard. How many people has
he told?” Chloe and Emma exchanged glances. “Everyone. It’s everyone isn’t it? Why didn’t you
tell me?”
“We didn’t know he was lying” said Chloe reasonably.
“He is a bastard,” said Emma,”from what Dan said. He said he collects girl’s phone numbers,
they all call it Charlie’s Famous List of Uncalled Numbers. Of course Dan didn’t call him a
bastard, they all think it’s pretty cool.”
I glared at Chloe. “Did you know about this?”
“First I’ve heard of it, Matt doesn’t tell me things like that. Did he take your number?” I nodded
mutely, she and Emma looked at me sympathetically.
“Well it’s not the end of the world” said Chloe.
Emma agreed. “From what Dan said you’re in good company.” I was calming down now; he
wasn’t going to call me! I didn’t have to decide whether to turn him down or not.
Emma stroked my hand. “Have you been waiting for him? You didn’t say anything.”
“Not really, it’s been ages since the party. For a couple of days I wondered if he would.”
“Did you like him?”
“I suppose so. At the time.” No way I was going to tell them I ended up in the garden by
accident. “He was easy to talk to.”
“He’s very charming” said Chloe. “And good looking. He’s what my grandma would call a cad.”
“Charlie The Cad” said Emma. We all giggled. “I’ll tell Dan to tell everyone he didn’t get as far as
he says.”
“Don’t bother. It won’t make any difference and, like Chloe says, it’s not the end of the world.”
“Might dent his reputation a bit though. If his mates find out he lies about his exploits”
suggested Chloe.
“They’ll just think that I’m the one lying. That would be worse than them thinking I got a bit
friendly at a party.”
61
“A bit friendly?” asked Chloe. We were giggling again.
Emma patted my hand. “Don’t worry Kate, we’ll find you a decent boy. Don’t let Charlie The
Cad upset you.” If she thought I’d been hanging on for his call I wasn’t going to say anything to
change her mind.
Now that the decision had been made for me, the relief I felt as I walked to work was
ridiculous. And my sadness when he wasn’t there was pathetic. I knew that, but I didn’t care.
Jasper wasn’t there either, just Maureen and Ryan. They spent most of the evening discussing
the new girl that had started the day before. Ryan was irritating Maureen by going on and on
about how hot she was, I wasn’t sure how much he meant it and how much he was just
winding her up to make the time pass. He approved of Jasper taking on another girl, now the
staff was nearly all female.
“That’s got to be good for me” he said. “It’s like my own little harem here.” I laughed as
Maureen spluttered at him, it wasn’t often she was lost for words.
“What about Tick?” she asked. “He’s very popular with the girls.”
“I don’t mind sharing. Anyway, he may be popular, but he never does anything about it.” I tried
to ignore the pleasure his words gave me. Pathetic.
We had a rush of customers at the end of the evening. While we were serving them Tick
strolled in and sat in Jasper’s place. He didn’t look as if he’d come in for a reason, just sat there
watching us work.
He smiled at me when I mopped his table. “Hi, how are you?”
“I’m okay. You?” He gave a little shrug.
“Kate?”
“Yes?”
“Nothing.” He looked away from my puzzled stare so I started wiping the chairs.
“How are you getting home?” he asked.
“I’m going to ring for a cab, Mum and Dad are both out tonight.”
“I’ll walk you back if you like, then you can save your money.”
“Are you sure?”
“I don’t mind, I’ve got nothing else to do.”
“All right then.” I tried not to sound too keen.
He walked in silence, his hands shrugged into his pockets and his head down. We’d got
halfway there and there was still no sign of him speaking.
“Are you all right?” I asked.
“Sorry, I’m not very good company. How’s your sculpture coming on?”
“I haven’t done any more since the last time I saw you. That reminds me, I must ask Jasper if
he remembered where he’d seen those flowers.”
The corner of his mouth turned down. “I doubt he will, he’s probably forgotten all about it by
now.”
“It doesn’t really matter, I was just hoping to stretch out my writing a bit.”
“Surely the main thing is how well your machine type thing turns out?”
I sighed. “I hope so.”
“I would have liked to have seen it when it was finished.”
“You could if you wanted to, I’ll have to bring it home after it’s been marked. Though I’ve no
idea where I’ll put it.”
“Jasper would probably find room for it in one of his sheds.”
“That’s a good idea, I’ll ask him. Then you’ll be able to see it if you want to.”
“I won’t be here.” My foot hesitated mid-step, I forced myself to carry on walking.
“You’re going away?” Please don’t let me cry, please don’t let me cry.
“A friend of mine changed school a couple of years ago when his parents moved to Scotland. I
haven’t seen him since, but he got back in touch and asked me up there.”
I tried to match his cheerful tone. “That sounds great. How long will you be gone?”
“I don’t know, I’m pretty much playing it as I go. I’ve still got nearly a year before I start at Uni
and I’ve made some money working for Jasper. We thought we might go abroad, do the proper
62
gap year thing. He’s up for it, but we haven’t made any plans yet. We’re going to wait till I get
there then see what we want to do.”
“I’m so jealous, can I come?” I was amazed that my voice was working at all, but I’d managed
to sound light and teasing.
Neither of us said anything for the rest of the way. I was concentrating on not crying. A part
of me wanted him to see how upset I was, to ask me why. I knew it wouldn’t make any
difference to how he felt about me, but at least I would have told him. I thought about him
saying something kind, maybe I would see pity in his eyes; I shuddered and tried even harder
not to cry. I was so wrapped up in trying to cope with his news that I was surprised when he
stopped. We were on the pavement outside my house, he hadn’t walked as far as the drive, we
were by the tall hedge that ran along the fence. He was facing me, standing quite close. I had to
tip my head more than I expected to look at his face, I hadn’t realised before how tall he was.
Pale hazel eyes gazed down at me with an intensity that confused me. I watched him go to
speak then stop. I had nothing to say. Standing so close to him, I never wanted to move; if this
was the last time I was going to see him I was going to make it last as long as possible. Luckily
for me he was showing no sign of leaving. Finally he smiled gently.
“Goodbye Kate.” He ruffled his fingers over my hair and lightly pinched my ear-lobe then
shoved his hand back into his pocket. “Take care of yourself.”
“Goodbye.” To me it sounded like a plaintive wail but he had already turned from me, striding
rapidly away.
My head was spinning, I had to lean on the hedge. I could still feel his fingers on my ear, my
whole body focusing on the heat from his skin. Giving in to the tears, I pulled myself from the
bushes and stumbled into the dark house, up the stairs and onto my bed. My body couldn’t
cope with this much misery; my lungs refused to work, collapsing in on the hollow space
where my heart used to be. Each gasping sob took too much effort, but I couldn’t stop them
forcing themselves from the juddering wreck I’d become. Exhaustion calmed me eventually.
Once my body had relaxed the tears could flow freely and I curled into a tight ball, one hand
clutching onto my earlobe as I focused my entire being on remembering him. If he was gone, I
had to make sure I could hold on to as much of him as possible. I concentrated hard on how
he’d looked, things he’d said. The way I’d distrusted him at first, how much I wanted him now.
Every tiny thing I could dredge up, I hoarded it against the desolation ahead.
The next morning I felt better than I'd expected. He was my first thought when I woke but
there was no sadness attached to the image. All day he drifted in and out of my thoughts but it
didn’t upset me, I must have cried myself out the night before. In maths we were going over
the answers to a test, but I wasn’t really paying attention. I’d got most of the answers right
anyway, so I was only half listening as I looked out of the window. I watched a bird hopping in
and out of the trees in front of the school, absent-mindedly twisting my earring round and
round. The classroom faded as I drifted. My random thoughts of Tick were slowly replaced by
the strongest feeling of his presence, not a memory, more the feeling that he was standing
right beside me. I felt warm and relaxed, comforted by the sense of his somehow being with
me. When the bell went I let go of my ear and returned to the real world.
At lunch time Emma announced that she was going to get a tattoo. She’d been talking about
this on and off for a couple of months but I hadn’t taken her seriously. Now that she’d made
the decision she had to go straight away, but we had to go with her to keep her brave. She
dragged us there straight from school. We all hesitated outside the shop, peering in the
window. The girl at the desk wore lots of silver jewellery. Butterflies trailed up from her
cleavage into her pink hair. She was showing something in a book to a large guy in a black vest.
When he reached out to point at the book we saw that his arm looked as if the skin had peeled
back to show robot hydraulics underneath. It was impressive but slightly scary. Chloe and I
looked at Emma expectantly and she slowly pushed the door open. The girl gave us a friendly
smile.
“Can I help you?” she asked, sounding more like a doctor’s receptionist than she looked.
“I was thinking of getting a tattoo” said Emma in a tiny voice, backing up against me and Chloe.
63
“Do you know what you want, or do you want to look at the flash?” Scary Robot Guy had a
pleasant gentle voice, he showed us a collection of large books on the shelf that ran down one
side of the room. “Have a flick through these to get some ideas” he said, then left us to it.
Emma opened a book and we looked at the pictures as she turned the pages. None of them
were the sort of thing I could imagine wearing on my skin for the rest of my life, and Emma
wasn’t looking enthusiastic. Chloe moved the books about, looking at the labels on the front.
“Look, this one says fairies.” She was practically whispering.
“Let’s see” said Emma in a quiet voice, flicking her eyes towards the desk. These pictures were
in a different style, they looked like watercolours.
“I like that one” said Chloe.
“So do I, but I’m not sure it’s what I want. What’s in the other books?” We spread out, browsing
through the different collections, getting louder as the people at the desk ignored us. I’d had
no idea tattoos came in so many different styles, I saw a few I liked, but none enough to
actually get one done. Opening a book at random, I found a page full of complicated knots
made of black lines weaving over and under each other. I was fascinated by the way the simple
curves created such an intricate design. They weren’t the sort of thing I’d have thought I’d
have liked but there was something appealing in their symmetry. After a few pages the designs
stopped being so abstract, the weaving curves were used to create simple pictures. There was
one that particularly drew me, it had two animals, mirror images on each side of the circle,
with the knot weaving round them. I stared at it for ages, unable to shake off the feeling that it
wasn’t quite right. Chloe looked over my shoulder.
“Do you like that?” she asked, surprised.
“Yes, no. I don’t know”
“Come on. Emma’s going to make an appointment then we’re going.”
“Has she chosen?” I’d missed it.
Emma and the pink haired girl were at the desk, Robot Guy had taken a customer into the
other room. When Chloe and I joined them the girl had pulled out a printed sheet and was
running down it with Emma, who nodded at each point.
“No alcohol or drugs within twenty four hours: wear comfortable loose clothing: you might
want to bring a sugary drink with you: you have to be over eighteen,” she stopped and looked
at Emma as she nodded, “we’ll have to see I.D.”
“What I.D. do you accept?”
“Passport or driving licence” said the girl briskly.
Emma nodded as if this wouldn’t be a problem. “What’s that noise?” she asked. I hadn’t
noticed it before, but there was a sharp buzzing coming from the other room.
“That’s the tattoo needle.” The girl grinned as Emma paled.
“It sounds like the dentist’s drill” said Chloe.
“How long does it take?” Emma's voice noticeably quavered.
“The one you’ve chosen should take about an hour, it’s only small. Do you want to make this
appointment now?” she asked kindly. “You can always leave it, then come back when you’re
sure.” Chloe and I fell out onto the street laughing as Emma cancelled her appointment.
“Well, you wouldn’t have been able to turn up for it anyway” said Chloe when she came out.
“You don’t have that sort of I.D.”
“I know. I only acted scared to have an excuse to cancel.” She frowned at us till we stopped
giggling.
“You wouldn’t get me in there. It sounded horrible.” Chloe put her arm round Emma’s
shoulders. “Come on, let’s go and get a burger.”
Later I remembered the design that had fascinated me so much. Sitting on my bed I found a
clean page in my sketch book and tried to work out what I thought it should be. It was much
harder than it looked. I had three animals running round in a circle, I was trying the make the
head of each link into the tail of the next. It was never going to work without tracing paper, it
was impossible to make the animals identical. I kept rubbing bits out until it was more of a
grey smudge than a crisp knot. I didn’t give up, just kept starting again, using what I’d learned
64
from my mistakes. While I was drawing, my other hand was stroking my earlobe. When I
realised I stopped myself, it felt like a childish comfort habit, like sucking my thumb.
I was dreading going to work, I thought that Tick’s absence would really bite there. I hadn’t
felt sad yet, but I’d been busy. We were busy at work as well, which helped, but every time the
door opened I caught myself looking up hopefully. A couple of times I thought Jasper was
watching me, and I wondered if it was that obvious. Then I realised he didn’t have any reason
to think I might be other than my usual self, I was just being paranoid. As soon as it was quiet
Maureen nipped out to put the kettle on, so I was on my own behind the counter when Keith
The Dog Man came in.
“You have to leave the dog outside” I said firmly.
“Duchess won’t. Not for Duchess left in the cold. Duchess staying here.” He lifted his head as he
spoke then dropped his eyes back to the floor, holding on tight to the string that drooped
between him and the dog.
“If you don’t take her outside I can’t serve you. You’d like a sausage wouldn’t you Duchess?”
The small shuffling man blasted himself halfway over the counter. “Who do you think! You
don’t! Speak to Duchess! You! Got no! Got no right Duchess! Only me! She! Talks to me!”
“Stop!” Jasper had jumped up as I backed against the fryer. “That will do!” Keith retreated back
into his many layered clothing as I wiped spit from my face.
“No harm meant” he mumbled, peering up sideways at Jasper.
“You have to leave now. If you can’t behave we can’t serve you.” Jasper’s voice was cold.
Keith’s panicked eyes flitted between Jasper and me. “No harm meant. I apologise.” He tried to
smile at me, the effect was awful. “I didn’t mean to lose my temper. Duchess and I are very
sorry.” I stared back at him, my heart still thumping.
“Nevertheless” said Jasper opening the door. It took forever for him and the dog to shuffle out.
“Are you all right dear?” Maureen put her arm round my shoulder. “Do you want to sit
down?”
“I’m okay.” I shrugged her off, feeling silly.
“I think you should take her home Jasper.”
“Don’t be stupid, I’m fine.”
Jasper examined me. “You’re very pale. I might as well run you back now, it’s nearly closing
time anyway. Abby and Maureen can cope on their own.” He ignored my self-conscious
protests and swept me out to the car.
“Sorry about that Kate, he doesn’t usually go off like that.”
“It was partly my fault, I was over-confident because I’d handled him all right last time. He and
Duchess will be hungry now.”
“Serves him right. He’ll be back in a couple of days as if nothing happened. Duchess can have
her sausage then.” Jasper was dismissive. “Anyway, how’s Kate?” I hate it when people say that,
I don’t know what to say. “Any interesting dreams lately?”
“No, no dreams. Did you remember where you saw those flowers?”
“No.” His voice was flat.
“Oh. Well, never mind.”
So far I was doing very well, I hadn’t collapsed into a blubbering heap, I was getting on with
my life. I’d coped with going to work knowing he wouldn’t be there, I was stronger than I
thought. On Saturday morning Emma rang to see if I’d go shopping and I said yes immediately,
keeping busy was the answer. When she arrived at the bus stop with Dan in tow I was
surprised, she hadn’t said anything about him when she’d rung. He smiled and nodded when I
said hello, then stood quietly while Emma and I talked about which shops we should go to. On
the bus they sat together holding hands, but Emma kept leaning forward to talk to me. In the
end I put my back against the window with my feet sticking into the aisle so that we could chat
more comfortably. After a while I forgot he was there.
I didn’t want to buy anything, I was filling time really, and Emma didn’t have any money.
Dan trailed after us meekly as we drifted in and out of shops, trying make-up on our hands
and getting each other’s opinions on jewellery. It reminded me of when Tick took us shopping
65
but, instead of a pang of loss, I enjoyed the memory. Thinking about him made me happy, kept
him real for me. I realised that shopping with a boyfriend was different when, instead of
walking past the gaming shop, Emma automatically went in. I walked round the shelves,
flicked through a few cases, but it didn’t hold my attention for long. Dan was looking a lot
happier than he had been in the clothes shops, it looked like I was going to have to wait. Emma
left him to it and we drifted to a corner.
“You didn’t say you were bringing him, I wouldn’t have come if I’d realised” I said.
“Don’t worry about it, he doesn’t mind.”
“I feel like I’m getting in the way. He doesn’t talk when I’m here, he’d probably prefer it if he
was just with you.”
“I don’t think so, he’s happy if I’m happy.”
“Really? That’s convenient.”
“Anyway, he’s always quiet.”
“He must talk when he’s alone with you.”
”Yes but he mainly just agrees with me.” Well, he wasn’t my boyfriend.
“He’s very keen on you” I said.
“I know, he’s so sweet.” Emma beamed a soppy smile at him over the racks of games.
The bus was full on the way home, we couldn’t all sit together. Emma and Dan grabbed a
pair or seats and I moved up to the back to share with someone else. I suspected from Emma’s
face that she’d rather sit with me and send Dan to the back. Wishing I’d brought some music
with me, I sat back and let my thoughts drift aimlessly. I was getting sleepy when I suddenly
thought Tick! Like a shout in my head, it sent me bolt upright. Embarrassed, I snuck a look at
the person next to me, but they were gazing out of the window. I couldn’t work out what was
going on, all I knew was that suddenly, out of nowhere, everything felt wrong. Two ideas kept
twining themselves through my brain, pushing out everything else. One was the idea of Tick
being there with me, and the other a strong feeling of developing danger. It made no sense, but
I couldn’t ignore it. As I sat there, trying to look like all the other bored passengers, I could feel
the muscles in my legs trembling with my need to run, the urge becoming harder and harder
to control as the bus trundled along.
Once I stood to get off the bus the jittering in my muscles faded. I followed Emma and Dan
onto the pavement, hoping I didn’t look as weird as I felt. Emma didn’t notice anything.
“I’m going back to Dan’s do you want to come?” I shook my head. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’ll see you on Monday.” Dan grinned happily and wrapped his arm round her, turning her
away. She waved over her shoulder at me, I waved back, trying to smile. Once they’d gone, the
awareness of threat loomed over me again. I didn’t know what to do. Waves of adrenalin were
drowning me; I began to feel desperate. The feeling was so strong I was unable to ignore it, it
was all I could do to keep my pace even and not break into a jog. Frantic to shake it off, I
thought of Jasper. Maybe that would work. If he’d heard from Tick it would prove to me he was
fine. Then maybe I’d stop going mad. I decided to detour to the Golden Fry. Although I knew
my mind was playing tricks, the feeling of him being in danger was so strong that I was
prepared to look a fool if it would reassure me.
66
That's all I need
Jasper looked up. “Hello Kate, are you all right?”
“Yes I’m fine. I just dropped in to say hi.” I sat at his table, ignoring his puzzled expression. He
didn’t say anything, just watched me. “Have you heard from Tick?” I asked in what I hoped was
a casually chatty way.
“No. Why?”
“I just wondered how he was getting on.” I twisted a strand of hair round my finger while I
tried to work out what to say next. Jasper waited in silence. “I thought maybe you might have
heard from him.”
“No.”
“Not at all?” I couldn’t keep the disappointment from my voice. I tried for a lighter tone. “I was
thinking about him today and I wondered if he was okay.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know, just idle curiosity I suppose.”
“What’s going on Kate?”
“Nothing.” I plaited my fingers into my hair, trying not to blush. Jasper studied me for a long
time as I shuffled uncomfortably.
“Did you think he might not be all right?” he asked quietly. I looked down and shrugged.
“Kate, look at me.” His voice was firm and I reluctantly obeyed. “Did you think he might not be
all right?” he repeated. His eyes held mine, I couldn’t look away.
“Maybe” I muttered.
“Why did you think that?” The tone was calm and friendly but I didn’t want to answer. “Kate. I
need to know what’s going on with you.”
“It’s nothing really. I had a strange feeling that Tick might be in some kind of danger. I know
it’s just a silly fancy but I couldn’t get it out of my head.”
“Hmm.” Jasper’s eyes wouldn’t release mine. “When did you last see Tick?”
I pretended I had to make an effort to remember. “Just before he went away, he walked me
home from work to save me the cab fare.”
“What happened when he walked you home?”
“I don’t know. We talked a bit, he said he was going to see a friend. Nothing much.”
Jasper frowned. “He told you he was going away?
“Yes he said he didn’t know how long he would be, he might not come back at all.” I was
surprised how calmly I could repeat this devastating fact.
“What else happened?”
I was puzzled. “Nothing, he walked me to my house, that was it.”
Jasper moved his hand in front of my face, drawing a shape in the air. “Tell me exactly what
happened the last time you saw Tick” he instructed me. With no conscious thought I began a
detailed description of that evening. Every little thing, trivia I had no idea I could have
recalled. He listened carefully to my calm delivery. When I’d finished he said “Thank you.” I
blinked at him, more relaxed than I’d been all day. He glanced round the shop.
“I think you’d better come home with me.” He stood and I meekly followed.
In the car the calm feeling slowly disappeared.
“Did you hypnotise me?” I asked.
Jasper sighed. “Something like that, sorry.”
“Why?”
“Kate, can you do me a favour? Can you shut up while I think?” I took one look at his hard
angry eyes and saved my questions for later, turning away from him to stare absently out of
the side window.
“Why do you keep fiddling with your ear?” The sudden question made me jump. I dropped my
hand into my lap as my face burned. Jasper muttered something I didn’t catch and the rest of
the journey was taken in brooding silence. The car jolted onto the drive, barely slowing as
gravel slid loudly beneath us. I could see the house through the trees before we'd turned the
67
bend. Jasper looked at the lit windows and grimaced. “That’s all I need.” He hustled me into the
front room, closing the curtains and switching on the light. I sat in the armchair he pointed to
then watched him turn on his heel and walk out, shutting the door behind him. I soon began to
feel stupid perched there in the empty room but I couldn’t see any alternative. I was
wondering whether I should just go home when the door opened.
Jasper put a mug on the table beside me said “Sorry Kate,” and headed back for the door.
“Wait!”
He turned back reluctantly. “Five minutes. Give me five minutes and I’ll be with you.” There
were footsteps and he dived for the hall. I couldn’t hear anything he said but his mystery
companion was louder.
“It was a total screw up from start to finish” said a tense voice. Jasper spoke quietly. “No, the
intelligence was wrong from the start. They came out of nowhere. We cut and ran but it was
hairy. Wasn’t sure we’d all make it back.” Jasper appeared to ask a question. “He’s upstairs but
I’d keep out of his way if I were you, he’s incandescent.”
“I think I’m about to make him worse” muttered Jasper, then the door banged shut.
It was a long five minutes. The tea that Jasper had left was cold by the time I started
drinking it. I didn’t want it anyway; I only picked it up for something to do. Eventually a
stranger arrived. He was youngish, tallish, a bland anonymous face that my eyes slid over.
Walking to the sofa with a tired, heavy gait, he smiled at me but I didn't smile back. Sitting
opposite, he put his arms on his knees so that he was leaning towards me.
“Hello Kate. My name is Rez. I want to ask you a few questions.”
“Why?”
“Jasper’s a friend of mine. He’s concerned about you and he asked me to have a chat with you.”
“Why?”
“I understand you’re a friend of Ticks?” He watched me carefully. I gazed firmly back,
determined not to blush.
“How old are you Kate?”
“Seventeen.” His eyes narrowed.
“Are you happy at school?”
“What?”
“Would you say that in general you were content with your life?”
I frowned at him. “Why are you asking me these questions?” He sighed and rubbed his hand
through his hair.
“You work at the Golden Fry?”
“Yes”
“With Tick?” He studied my face as he said Tick’s name.
“Yes, with lots of people” I replied stubbornly. I sat still while he examined me, confusion
starting to turn to anger. Jasper came in but I ignored him.
“I think you’re right.” Rez spoke to Jasper without taking his eyes from me.
“So now what?” asked Jasper. Rez put his head in his hands.
“So now I kill him.”
“I don’t think that will help the situation” said Jasper.
“It will help me.” Rez lifted his head. “Where is he?”
“Skulking outside.”
“Right. Are you coming with me?” Rez pulled himself up and walked slowly to the door.
“Give me a minute here” Jasper took his place and smiled at me. “Don’t worry Kate, it’s going to
be all right.”
“What’s going to be all right?”
“Everything. Just be patient a little longer.” I scowled. “I’m sorry Kate, I’ve got a bit of a
situation here. I’ll be back in a minute.” When he opened the door furious shouting filled the
room. He slammed it rapidly behind him.
So I sat still, I had no choice really. Nothing was making any sense, but if I walked away I’d
never find out what was going on. As the long minutes stretched out I picked aimlessly at
68
some dirt on my trousers. Indecipherable words drifted down from the ceiling, sudden
footsteps, a bump; my room a cell of silence in an apparently heaving house. A sudden scuffle
in the hall brought me upright and I stared expectantly back at the two curious faces which
peered round the half open door. The silence stretched between us then the door shut with a
snap and I was left hanging off the edge of my seat. A thick sulky anger oozed through me,
sliding back down into the depths of my chair. When the door opened again I didn't bother to
look up, just gave the dirt on my thigh a particularly vicious scratch.
The figure in the doorway didn't move, I ignored them for ages but eventually I broke, shot
an angry glance upwards; and froze. Tick was standing with his hands in his pockets staring at
me as if he’d never seen me before. At the sight of him everything else disappeared. My body
was filled with a warm glow as all the tension dissolved. I knew I was grinning like a maniac
but I didn’t care. Tick continued to stare at me. I became aware that Jasper and Rez, standing
behind him, were also watching me and I dropped my eyes, blushing. They exchanged glances.
“I’m sorry we’ve treated you so badly, Kate” said Jasper as he and Rez both sat opposite me
again. Rez looked at Tick, still staring at me from the doorway.
“Out” he ordered.
“No.” Tick looked at his feet but he didn’t move. Rez made a growling noise in his throat.
Tick met his eyes. “No” he repeated.
“Sit there and keep quiet.” Jasper pointed to a chair in the corner of the room. I’d never heard
him sound so harsh. Tick hesitated, then he walked slowly to the sofa and sat next to them.
There was a long silence. They sat and looked at me. My happiness at seeing Tick soon
evaporated under their tense scrutiny.
Jasper coughed. “So, Kate.” He looked embarrassed. “I know there are a lot of things you want
explained but I’m going to have to ask you to be patient with us. It’s getting late and your
parents will start to worry if I don’t get you back.”
“You can’t send me away now” I said. I was surprised I’d found the courage to speak, the
atmosphere in the room was terrifying me. Rez leaned forward.
“Please don’t be awkward” he said.
“She’s not being awkward, she’s being far more reasonable than you two morons deserve.
Look at the way you’re treating her.” Tick’s voice was shaking with anger.
Rez turned on him. “Keep your mouth shut pup! You’re lucky you’re still in one piece.”
“That’s your answer to everything.”
“I’m tired, dirty, my shoulder hurts. I haven’t got time to deal with a whole load of crap just
because you’ve acted like a baby.” They were both on their feet; tall and rigid, fists clenched at
their sides.
Tick stepped back and shook himself. He laughed. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh yeah, you’re the man!”
“You should listen to Jasper.”
“Jasper's wrong.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do. You think you know all about it? Look at you, you’re still wet behind the ears. All you’ve
done is corrupt an innocent. I wouldn’t be so cocky if I were you.”
Tick froze. “I’ve what?”
“You heard me. You, through your stupid self-centred incompetence, have corrupted an
innocent.”
“Speaking of which” said Jasper in a quiet voice. They both fell silent and turned to look at me.
There was a long awkward pause then Jasper stood up.
“Kate, I’m going to take you home. This is just making things worse.”
“I’ll drive her home.” Tick stared defiantly into Rez’ scowl.
“I think you’ve done quite enough already!” I thought Rez was going to hit him. Jasper
intervened.
“You go, Rez. I can handle this.” Rez cast a furious look round the room, I cowered as it swept
over me, then he abruptly left.
69
The atmosphere didn’t improve. Jasper was glowering at Tick. Tick was staring at the floor.
When Jasper spoke his voice was calm but there were knives at the edges.
“He’s right. Everything he said. You know it.”
Tick spoke to his shoe. “Will you give me the car keys please?”
“Why are you so bloody stubborn?”
Tick looked at him, all the anger gone from his face. “Please. Just let me do this, then you can
do what you like with me.”
“Oh, don’t worry, I will.” Jasper hesitated then he pulled the keys from his pocket and tossed
them to Tick. Tick nearly dropped them in surprise.
“Thank you” he said.
“Wait.” Jasper turned to me. “Kate, are you happy for Tick to take you home?” He must have
seen the answer on my face. “Go on with you then” he growled. I couldn’t get out quick
enough; Tick followed. As we reached the door Jasper called him, we both turned.
“You know I’m almost certainly wrong” he said. Tick nodded.
“I know, don’t worry. I’m not stupid.”
“Not stupid?” Jasper’s rising fury sent me dashing for the front door.
“Are you alright?” asked Tick as he unlocked the car.
“I don’t know.” Fear and confusion were competing with anger. I had no idea if I was alright or
not. Ticks concerned eyes scanned my face then he glanced at the house.
“Let’s get going before they change their minds.” I didn’t need encouraging. The wheels span
on the gravel as we pulled away. Once we were moving Tick’s driving settled; if anything he
was driving more slowly than usual. It was dark in the car. I looked at his shadowed profile
and caught his eyes sliding sideways to me. “Rez isn’t a bad guy,” he said. “He’s just stressed.”
“I noticed.”
A rough laugh escaped from Tick’s lips. “Anyway, I don’t think he meant to frighten you.”
“You don’t think?”
“No, he didn’t mean to scare you, he’ll be sorry when he’s calmed down tomorrow.” I didn’t
bother to answer.
“We’re nearly there” said Tick. I was startled, I’d hoped that he’d insisted on driving so that he
could explain.
“What’s going on?” I asked, trying to see more of his face in the streetlight stripes.
“Can’t be done in half a mile, sorry Kate but it’s not that easy.”
“So you’re not going to tell me anything either?” I was glad to lose my temper. Anger was
easier than confusion. Tick flinched. He stared out of the windscreen in silence.
He parked next to Mum’s car and turned off the engine. I didn’t move. Eventually he looked
at me.
“You owe me an explanation” I said.
“I know that, but this isn’t the time.”
“This isn’t fair. Nothing makes any sense.” Tears were running down my cheeks but I ignored
them.
“I know. You’re right, but it’s late”
“I’m not tired”
His grin came out of nowhere. “You’re so stubborn” he said affectionately. He tapped his finger
on the steering wheel as he thought. “Okay, I think there’s a way.” Light flooded the drive, we
both jumped. Dad turned the security lamp on, we both looked at the black heavy shape
outlined on the porch step.
“Have you got some tissue in your bag?” asked Tick.
“What?”
“You might want to wipe your face before he sees you.” I stared at him in frustration. “Please
don’t get me into any more trouble” he begged. I scrubbed my sleeve over my cheeks and
opened the door.
“I think that’s quite long enough to say goodbye” Dad said loudly as I hesitated and looked
back at Tick.
70
He gave me a quick wink. “Don’t worry, I have a plan.”
“Kate, the whole house is getting cold!” I slammed the car door and walked slowly into the
house. I tried to go straight upstairs but he was having none of it. Mum was sitting in the front
room. She looked tired; I suddenly wondered how late it was. Weariness flooded me, I sat and
waited.
“Do you know what the time is?” asked Dad. I shook my head. “You didn’t ring. We didn’t know
where you were.”
“I’m sorry.”
“That’s not going to cut it. We didn’t bring you up to behave like this.” My head slumped
against the back of the chair. “Gallivanting round with boys half the night. What were you
thinking of?” His voice was rising. Mum spoke calmly.
“We were worried Kate. It’s nothing to do with treating you like a child. It’s a matter of
courtesy, respecting the people close to you. If I’m going to be late back I ring so that your dad
doesn’t worry.” The words washed over me.
“So where were you?” asked Dad. My head snapped up.
“I met a friend, I didn’t notice the time. I’m sorry.”
“Obviously a very exciting “friend”. “ His sarcasm barely touched me.
“I think we’d better all go to bed.” Mum yawned as she stood up. “Kate’s a sensible girl, I’m
sure she won’t forget the time again.”
“That’s it?” Dad glared at her.
“This time. Everyone’s allowed one slip.” She gave me a hard stare. “Make sure it doesn’t
happen again.”
“Yes. I’m sorry.”
I followed Mum up the stairs, ignoring the bathroom and going straight up to my room. My
body was exhausted but my mind was racing. I stumbled on the top step and nearly missed the
door handle. I was rubbing my face with my other hand as I opened my bedroom door and it
took me a second to focus on what I was seeing. Tick was in my room, on my bed, waiting for
me.
71
Me, I like a bit of chaos
He put his finger on his lips as I yelped. Slamming the door shut I leant my back against it.
“Your window was open, I hope you don’t mind.” My mouth opened but nothing came out, I
shook my head vaguely. Then the shock kicked in and everything wobbled. The door handle
was digging into my hand but I couldn’t make myself let go. My legs were shaking, my head felt
about to float away from my body. I opened my mouth again but nothing happened. The room
began to go dark at the edges and then spin slowly in on me. Tick sat up quickly. He caught my
hand and, pulling me onto his lap, wrapped both his arms round me. I slumped there with my
knees pulled up, shuddering. He sat still and quiet while my whole body trembled. A tight
band round my chest chopped my breath into ragged gasps. Tick waited patiently, his arms
supporting me. I tucked my knees tighter, suddenly very cold. We sat there, both motionless,
as the shaking died away. The heat of his body slowly warmed me and my muscles began to
relax. I became aware of how tightly I was being held. His arms were strong, keeping me firmly
against him. I stayed very still, enjoying the smell of his skin, feeling the faint movement of his
breath against my hair. I laid the flat of my palm against his chest, feeling the solid muscle
under the softness of his skin. Both his hands slid slowly up my arms.
He took hold of the tops of my arms and, firmly lifting me from him, sat me at the end of the
bed against the headboard. Moving from me he knelt on the floor at the bottom of the bed. The
feeling of rejection was so strong it was like a physical pain. I pulled my knees up to my chin
and wrapped my arms round my legs, squeezing my eyes shut on the threatening tears. When
I raised my head from where I had buried it in my knees he was gazing at me intently. His eyes
were concerned as he ran them over my face, trying to work out what I was thinking. I buried
my head again, I didn’t want him to know. Burning with embarrassment, I sat still and waited.
I couldn’t face speaking; I'd had enough; I just wanted him to leave.
“Kate?” His voice was kind but I just shook my head against my knees.
“Kate, please look at me.” I shook my head again, my cheeks burning hotter. He reached his
hand out and touched my ankle, I looked up cautiously and tried to read his face. Our eyes met
and there was a long charged silence which neither of us seemed able to break.
“What do you want to know?” he finally asked.
“Everything”
“That might take a while.”
“Don't you dare back down now. You promised. I need to understand something soon or...” I
broke off as I realised how petulant I sounded. Tick had shrunk towards the floor, his eyes
watching me with apprehension over his folded arms.
I moved to him, lying along the bed and putting my head sideways on my arms so that I was
facing him. He turned his head to me, wary eyes meeting mine.
“Everything?” he asked “Right now?” I nodded. He frowned, hesitated, then plunged in.
“Imagine your world as a bubble.” My head snapped up.
“MY world? I scanned his face, saw him flinch. “Not OUR world?” I asked. He nodded, his eyes
pleading.
“Okay then” I said, and put my head back down. My mind was reeling but I kept my head on
my arms and spoke in a calm voice. “So my world is a bubble?”
“Imagine your world as a bubble floating in a sort of nothingness. I’m not very good at
explaining this, I never really paid enough attention in class. The bubbles move slowly through
the, er, nothingness: partly randomly, partly in patterns caused by their effect on each other.”
“Like planets?”
“No, were not talking about anything like planets here, I think my bubble analogy was possibly
more confusing than helpful.”
“So are we talking alternative dimensions? You know, I decide to cross the road and one future
continues but there is another one where I didn’t cross the road. That sort of thing? In our
dimension we had the Second World War but in a different one Hitler was never born?”
“No, nothing like that. I’m talking more about different realities.” He frowned. “Different
72
worlds, all existing in the same place at the same time, but distinct and separate from each
other.”
I sighed. “Just keep going and I’ll catch up when it starts making sense.”
“You remember when you were young, characters in books would find openings into other
worlds?”
“Yes, but that’s just fantasy. Isn’t it?”
“The way it happens in your books is fantasy but the concept is grounded in truth. Children
don’t stumble through wardrobes or find magic amulets, but there are intersections where
people can pass from one world to another at certain times if they know what they’re doing.”
“Doors in the bubbles?”
“Yes, that sounds about right” The warm approval in his voice made me glow. “When these
realities move close enough to affect each other there can be….difficulties caused by their
unusual proximity.” He put his hand on my back and absent-mindedly rubbed between my
shoulder blades as he was talking. “Some worlds are always closer together and affect each
other all the time, it’s the ones that move in and out of proximity that cause us all the trouble.”
I was finding it harder to concentrate; his hand on my back was taking up too much of my
attention. The warmth of his palm was strong through my clothes, it felt as if small sparks
were jumping from his skin to mine. “Are you okay with this?” he asked. I didn’t have the
words to explain how much more than okay this felt to me, I gave a small nod. He chuckled and
slapped my back gently. “Not with this, with what I’m telling you!”
“Oh.” Had he realised how much his touch affected me? I needed to keep much more alert,
protect myself from more embarrassment.
“Different worlds,” I said, “all floating about in some kind of nothingness, some interacting,
some not. When they get too close you have to do something about it.”
“That sounds about right.” He grinned. “You’re very cool with this.”
I shrugged. “I’ve decided to go with the flow. So what do you do about it?”
“Mainly we just watch. That’s what Jasper is, he’s a Sentinel.”
“Jasper!” I was horrified. “But Jasper hasn’t just turned up here all mysterious and uncanny.
Jasper’s just…Jasper! I’ve known him all my life. He’s…Jasper.”
I hadn't realised that I'd straightened my arms, pushed myself up, away from him, till I saw
the careful stillness in his body, the worried sympathy in his eyes. I sheepishly lay back down,
gave him a rueful smile. I was relieved when he returned it.
“I though you were going with the flow?” he asked, joking tentatively.
“We just hit some white water” I grumbled, happy to see him return my grin. I was trying very
hard to get my head round this but it just wouldn’t fit. “So, Jasper’s not really from round here
at all? He comes from your mysterious other world and he only pretends to run a fish shop
and be friends with my Dad?”
“No and Yes. No, he doesn’t originate from your world but he doesn’t come from the same
world as me. Yes he does run a fish and chip shop and yes he is your dad’s friend.”
“But it’s all a lie really.” Tick held my eyes with his, his face intense and serious.
“Jasper isn’t pretending to be your friend. There are things about him you don’t know but he
isn’t some kind of undercover spy living a lie.”
“So why is he here? If there are all these other worlds why would he choose to live here?”
“Let’s backtrack a bit. Some of us can move at will between worlds, but this movement needs
to be monitored. We take great care to ensure that the inhabitants of an insular world like
yours aren’t made aware of the truth about the Panactuality.”
“The what?”
“The Panactuality, it’s the name of the whole set up, all the worlds and their interrelatedness.”
“Why do you have to keep it secret?”
“That’s quite a complex issue, can you just accept for now that for the system to stay balanced
most worlds need to believe they’re alone in their own universe?”
“So why are you telling me all this?”
“It seems only fair, all things considered. There’s always the occasional leak, that’s where many
73
of your myths come from. Anyway, Sentinels are the most important part of the monitoring
set-up. They move to another world and make their lives there. This is Jasper’s life; he has to
be happy here or it wouldn’t work, these people are chosen very carefully and matched to
their assignments. Jasper has one of the most crucial jobs in existence but no-one would
expect him to stay here if he wasn’t content.” He looked at me carefully. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know.” I shook my head. “This is harder that I thought it would be. I was prepared for
you to be freaky and weird, but now it’s all getting very unsettling.”
“Freaky and weird huh?” He started laughing. “I suppose that’s fair.” He caught hold of my
hand and squeezed it gently. His face was serious again. “Please be okay with this” he
whispered. I looked into his eyes and nodded. I was certainly going to try to be okay, if only for
his sake. I felt as if my world was tipping sideways and I didn’t know how to hold on. He didn’t
take his hand away from mine. I kept very still, hoping that he’d forget about it.
“Most worlds are like yours, the inhabitants have no knowledge of the other realities
around them, other worlds have more awareness. There are a few worlds where there is an
understanding of how all the worlds interact, these worlds attempt to keep the whole set-up
stable and prevent the chaos that we all teeter on the edge of.”
“Chaos?”
“U-huh.” He flashed me a sudden grin. “Me, I like a bit of chaos, that’s what keeps my life
interesting. But then I’m a warrior, no work for a soldier without a bit of chaos from time to
time.”
“You’re a soldier.” I said flatly. “Of course, why not? A soldier from another world, here to
protect us from some kind of “chaos”, and paying a visit to my bedroom in the middle of the
night.”
“It is late. Are you tired? Should I go?”
“No!” It came out too loud and I froze in case I’d woken anyone. He smiled the slow smile I’d
always loved.
“If you knew how often I’d imagined being in this room.” I looked into his eyes, soft and
glowing as he grinned at me, and fought hard to remind myself that he didn't mean what I
wanted him to mean. He saw the reserve on my face and his smile faded.
“Okay, back to the facts,” he said briskly. I was confused. I had to remember to be careful, I was
in far too deep already. I had no idea what was going on but I suspected that there was only
heartbreak for me at the end of it. I waited silently for him to continue.
“Jasper has been monitoring this world for about twenty years now. It’s not usually a very
demanding job. His previous placement was more high profile, he was on a much higher level
of alertness. He likes it here; it gives him lots of time for his hobbies. He’s going to have to
work a bit harder for a while though. Your world is about to brush very closely against another
and no-one is quite sure what will happen. That’s why I’m here, all the Sentinels are being
backed up by Warriors until the end of the pass.”
The words came out before I could stop them. “How long will you be here?”
“We don’t know at the moment. This is a very unusual situation and all the arrangements are
very flexible. That’s what my division specialises in.” He grinned. “I suppose you could say
we’re the SAS of the Panactuality.” He looked down at our joined hands thoughtfully and then
shrugged to himself. He squeezed my hand again and asked, “Any questions so far?”
Hundreds of questions were chasing themselves round my head. I looked at the boy
kneeling at the end of my bed gazing at me so seriously and tried to see a warrior but I
couldn’t make the image fit. I looked down.
“Why is everyone cross with me?” I mumbled
“No one is cross with you. They’re all furious with me and you just happened to get some of
the fall out. I’m truly sorry about that, none of this is your fault at all. It was just unfortunate
that you were the one that made us all aware of what had happened.”
“But what has happened? What have I done?”
“You’ve done nothing, it’s something I’ve done. I didn’t mean to and I didn’t know that I had
until today. I really didn’t mean to and I don’t know how to deal with it.” He let go of my hand
74
and sat on the bed, eyes on the floor. His face was so miserable that I instinctively reached out
to him. We sat in silence for a while, my hand held between both of his.
“What did you do Tick?” I finally asked. He glanced up quickly then looked down again.
“I marked you.” I sat quietly, waiting for further illumination but none seemed to be coming.
“You’re going to have to help me out a bit here. I’ve no idea what you’re talking about.” His sigh
was deep and full of pain. I waited but he didn’t speak. Finally he took a deep breath and
started.
“Where I come from things work differently to here and there is more of what someone in
your world might refer to as magic. When I arrived I started working at the shop to get a feel
for the place and the population. Nobody really noticed me because I didn’t want them to. It’s
very easy to make people see what they want to see. People want to see the things that make
them feel comfortable and you just encourage them to do that. Somehow you saw through the
fog; you noticed my eyes, you were rude about my name. It threw me and at first I was very
wary of you. Because you were a possible threat I kept an eye on you, I was worried you would
blow my cover. That’s when it all started to go wrong for me. I didn’t notice at first that I was
starting to look forward to seeing you. When I did, I told myself that I just enjoyed your
company; you were bright and funny and I was slightly lonely posted here by myself. Although
my unit’s based at Jasper’s they’re rarely here, they roam over a wide area. I'm the only one
who stays here. I watched you laughing with the customers and teasing Jasper and I wanted to
spend more time with you. You have a wonderful smile, I loved it when you smiled at me. I
used to watch the way the sunlight shone on your hair but I still wouldn’t admit to myself I
was falling. By the time I realised how I felt it was too late. It was when Maureen was talking
about finding you a boyfriend that I realised how much trouble I was in. The bitter stab of
jealousy astonished me; everything became clear in one terrifying moment.
“I tried to run away from you. I spent more time on my monitoring duties and when I did go
into the shop I asked Jasper to arrange it so that we were never together. I didn’t want to speak
to Jasper about you but I needed him to change the rotas. Jasper was very unhappy with the
situation, he kept lecturing me about my responsibilities. I tried to play it down; presented it
as a precautionary measure. I told him it was just a vague attraction caused by loneliness,
something that would pass if I didn’t see you. He’d have gone ballistic if he’d been able to see
inside my head. I was desperately miserable. Jasper was watching me like a hawk and I had to
look efficient and professional all the time. When I was first posted here Jasper had said I was
too young, that I had insufficient experience or maturity, and now I was proving him right.
Eventually I gave up, keeping out of your way was too painful. I couldn’t sleep, then when I did
I dreamt of you. Every day I dragged myself through a thicker swamp of pain until I realised
that I simply couldn’t continue like that. I decided that as I couldn’t keep away from you I
would be your friend. I knew it would be difficult, but I’d try not to consider any other
possibilities for us. Jasper wasn’t happy about it but, as he had no idea how I really felt, he kept
quiet.
“I’ll never forget your smile when I walked into the shop, you looked so pleased to see me
that for a second my resolution wavered. A spark of hope flickered, maybe we could be more
than friends, but I crushed it firmly. All the time I was with you I was fighting not to reach out
and touch you. It hurt me but it was worth it, the pain I felt was nothing compared to the
thought of never seeing you again. Jasper calmed down after a while. He watched you and
decided I was no danger to you. You didn’t flirt with me like the others and we agreed you
weren’t interested in me. I thought that I could be with you without hurting you and Jasper
reluctantly concurred. After that I spent as much time with you as possible. It got easier, the
longing never totally went away but the pleasure I took from your company soothed the ache. I
was almost happy. Except when I thought of you with someone else. The knowledge that this
would happen sooner or later ripped me apart. I told myself that I wanted you to be happy;
that true love wasn’t selfish. I hoped that it would be a long time before I had to find that much
courage.
“Then, out of nowhere, everything exploded in my face. The flowers in your sketch book
75
surprised us both but Jasper was too busy shouting to listen to anything I said. I was trying to
think it through, to work out what had happened, but no-one would give me any space. Jasper
called in my whole unit and ranted at them, then they all started yelling at me. Eventually it
was agreed that I was compromising my mission and would have to be replaced. I couldn’t
argue; your sketchbook had shocked me too. I would be packed off on patrol with them while
arrangements were made for my replacement. I was determined to see you first, to say
goodbye, and I managed to get away. It would have been less complicated if I hadn’t.” He fell
silent, running his finger over the pattern in my quilt.
I was thinking about what he had said, re-running parts of the recent past back through my
head from a different perspective. I couldn’t really take it in. It was the total opposite to
everything I’d believed. It was impossible, it had to be. I looked at the boy sitting at the end of
my bed, stroking his thumb over the back of my hand. He looked so sad and embarrassed. How
could this be a declaration of love if it caused such misery?
“I still don’t understand what you mean. You marked me?” I asked. He studied the quilt cover
as if it was the most interesting thing he’d ever seen. I squeezed his hand gently.
“Just tell me” I whispered. His voice was low and I leaned forward slightly to catch every word.
“When I walked you home from work and told you I was going to Scotland.” I nodded, I
remembered it very clearly. “I stroked your hair and pinched your ear. I didn’t mean to, I
thought I was in control. It wasn’t supposed to happen. I still don’t know how it happened.”
I frowned. “You weren’t supposed to stroke my hair?”
“Well technically I wasn’t supposed to be anywhere near you.” It was a welcome flash of his
usual humour. “I wasn’t supposed to… I didn’t mean to…” He took a deep breath and started
again. “When I pinched your earlobe it was a totally spontaneous gesture. I felt nothing, I had
no idea. Then, when I was away I thought about you all the time. I thought I was just
wallowing in my misery, it’s only looking back on it that I can see that it was different. I saw
you sitting looking out of a window, I thought I was just daydreaming. One time I had the
strongest feeling that you were frightened.” He looked up at me “Did something happen to you
a couple of days ago?”
I was about to shake my head when I remembered. “John the Dog Man was shouting at me. I
was frightened at first, it was just so sudden.” He grinned briefly then started tracing his finger
along the flowers on the quilt again.
“My race doesn’t behave as yours do. We don’t….court in the same way.” I smiled at the old
fashioned word but he was still deeply involved with the pattern on the duvet cover. “We don’t
do all the practising you do.” He glanced quickly sideways to see if I was following. “Dating lots
of different people one after another, trying people on for size and moving on if it doesn’t quite
fit. It seems to work for you and it’s not a bad idea but it’s not the way we do it. We still mix
and mingle and make our choices but it’s a much less physical thing. When a choice has been
made and a couple are happy they……” He trailed off into a mumble. His embarrassment was
catching, the silence went on. I jiggled his hand to start him off again.
“When we find the one we want to be with, we mark them. I don’t have the words to explain it
properly, the skin contact creates a bond, a mark.” I could feel my earlobe throbbing while he
was talking.
“You marked me?” He looked up and nodded then his face was back down to the quilt again.
“I don’t know how it happened. It’s not supposed to work like this. In my world the mark is
created by mutual feelings. It’s not something that one person can just do to someone else.” He
lifted his eyes to mine. “I’m so incredibly sorry. I’ve tangled up your life, it’s unforgivable. It
was bad enough that I marked you, but the mark should have faded almost immediately. The
marked person has to re-enforce it, to feel the same way for it to strengthen and remain. But it
didn’t fade, I don’t know why. It appears that we are bonded. Otherwise I wouldn’t have felt
your fear the other day and you wouldn’t have thought that I was in danger today.” His eyes
dropped from mine as the tumble of words petered out. I tried to shake my thoughts into
order. I knew I should speak now, tell him how I felt, but I was stunned.
“We’re bonded?” I repeated. He misunderstood my tone of disbelief.
76
“Don’t worry. There will be a way of sorting this out. I will go far away and Jasper will fix it for
you.”
“No! Don’t go away!”
“But Kate, I have to. It wouldn’t be fair of me to do anything else. You didn’t ask for this and I
need to set you free.”
“I don’t want to be free.” It came out in a panicked gasp.
He looked at me carefully. “When I first found out what had happened I thought you might
have accepted the mark. It didn’t make any sense, but I allowed myself to hope.” There was
fear in his eyes. I held his gaze and spoke firmly.
“I did accept it.”
He scanned my face. “But you didn’t know what you were doing. That’s what Rez meant when
he said I was corrupting an innocent. He says young female humans are volatile and emotional
and any silly daydream could have set the mark by accident. Jasper says he’s wrong, only a
true emotion will do it, and only an exceptional human would be able to feel the mark in the
first place. I don’t know what to believe. I thought I’d know when I was alone with you, but I
don’t. Sometimes I feel a strong connection, then your eyes pull back and I sense reluctance. It
confuses me.”
“I was frightened. You never gave me any reason to think you felt the way I did, you were
always polite and friendly but nothing more. I’ve spent so long telling myself that you didn’t
want me. Then you suddenly turn up and say…..” A huge sob stopped me. Tears flooded my
face. The arms that came round me were tentative at first but I reached out and pulled him to
me, sobbing into his T-shirt. I sniffed hard and started again. “I was always so careful, keeping
my feelings to myself. At first I thought you might like me back, but you didn’t do anything. I’ve
spent half this evening reminding myself that you only bring me heartache. Then everything
turned upside down. When you said…” I couldn’t go on, I was crying too hard.
“I said I love you.”
I nodded against his chest, still sniffing. “I can’t believe it.” I ran the evening back in my head
over and over again, Tick was patting my back and crooning nonsense into my ear. I wrapped
my arms tightly round his waist. Kissing the top of my head, he put his arms behind him to
release my hands and gently lifted me backwards. He gazed at me with soft loving eyes and
slowly wiped the tears from my cheek.
I gave a weak laugh. “See, volatile and emotional.” His smile was back and it made my heart
glow, I could see an answering glow in his eyes.
He flung himself full length on the bed beside me. “Do you think I’d wake your parents if I
broke into song?”
“Yup. And then we’d be in big trouble.”
“It’s very late. Should I go?”
“Do you want to go?”
“Of course not.” He snorted. “I want to stay here and look at you forever. Will you let me?”
I pretended to consider. “Only on one condition.” He raised an eyebrow. “As long as I can look
right back at you at the same time.”
He chuckled. “Sounds like a deal to me.” He reached his hand out sideways and started
stroking the back of my arm. I couldn’t take my eyes from his face. The feel of his touch was so
intense it felt as if my skin was singing. I slowly moved my other hand to his chest, he caught it
in both of his and started playing with my fingers. He measured one of his hands against mine.
“You’re so small, your hand is so delicate” he said. I laughed. No one had ever called me
delicate before and, while it was nice to hear, I couldn’t help feeling he was getting a bit carried
away. He lifted his head up and laughed too. “You seem very delicate to me.”
“So will you have to go now?” I asked.
”I thought you just said I could stay.” I watched him playing with my fingers, putting off asking
the question.
“Away. Will you have to go away now?” His hands tightened round mine as he thought.
“I don’t think so. A true bond is a serious thing, they can’t interfere with it. They won’t be
77
happy, but there’s not a lot they can do if you’ve accepted me.” He sat up suddenly and looked
deep into my eyes. “You accepted me, isn’t it amazing!” I nodded, I had no breath to speak. He
lifted his hand and slowly stroked the back of it down my cheek. His touch sent a rush of heat
down my whole body. His wonderful eyes drew me toward him, I tipped my face towards his.
He smiled then lay back down on the bed.
It took a second for me to regain my balance, I felt dizzy. I looked at him lying on my pillow
with his hands behind his head and it was unreal. He watched me looking at him, a small smile
at the edge of his lips. Nothing needed to be said, everything was perfect. Except I knew that
we weren’t finished yet. His eyes were greener now. I bit my lip, hesitated, then asked the
question.
“You’re not human?”
He looked at the ceiling. “No.”
78
Perhaps you should move to a bungalow
He lay still, examining the ceiling. I waited but he said nothing.
“What do you really look like?” I finally asked.
He turned and smiled at me. “What do you see?”
“I see what I’ve always seen. Just Tick the way he’s always been. Slightly odd eyes but basically
just a nondescript scruffy boy.”
“Scruffy? I think that must be you, I never aim for scruffy.”
“But what I see isn’t what’s really here, lying on my bed?” I persisted. He gave me a long look.
“Shut your eyes. Now open them again”
I hesitated with my eyes still closed, then I took a deep breath and looked at him. Nothing
had changed yet everything had changed. Tick was taller, leaner. His hair was still the same
yellow blond but it was thicker, rougher looking than human hair. The spikes were still there
but they didn’t look styled now, they curled into the nape of his neck and fell over his forehead
like a rumpled golden halo. I moved my eyes down and caught my breath. Tick’s eyes were
beautiful, there was no other word. They were large, almond shaped, with long dark lashes.
The pupils were wide in irises of green with soft golden flecks. He looked back at me calmly
and I felt I was drowning in their depths. Pulling my eyes from his I continued my inspection.
High cheekbones slanted sharply towards a small neat nose. His mouth was soft: the lips full
and curved. I realised that his clothes had changed. What had appeared to be a slightly baggy
black T-shirt was a sleeveless vest, instead of hanging loosely it was tight against his body and
tucked into his trousers. He was still wearing combats but they were subtly different. Before
they had seemed loose and slouchy; now they were belted round his waist and narrower over
his hips. He wore a plaited leather thong around his wrist and on his belt there was a knife in a
leather sheath. The combats didn’t rumple round his feet any more but stopped just above his
ankles. His narrow feet were bare, no sign of trainers now. His toes were impossibly long and
tapered at the ends. It was the most inhuman aspect to this new Tick and I found myself
counting them. Five was reassuring and I scolded myself for being childish. My world had
become bizarre beyond my imagining and I was counting toes? His skin was lightly tanned. His
arms were amazing. There wasn’t an ounce of fat, the muscles were clearly defined under the
smooth gold skin. The power in them was obvious but there was no heaviness in the shape.
Tick’s body was long and rangy, he looked like an athlete; for the first time the word warrior
felt appropriate. I let my eyes stroke slowly over him. The vest was tight against his body and I
lingered on the curves it revealed. His stomach was flat and taut, sweeping up to a defined
chest. Shadows caressed the perfect contours, throwing his body into sharp definition. I
couldn’t take my fascinated gaze from the perfection of his body. The air seemed to thicken
around us.
When he spoke his voice was tight. “Please don’t think like that”
Mortification flooded me. I pulled myself into as small a ball as possible, hugging my
embarrassment to myself. There was a long awkward pause. Neither of us moved as the
silence expanded between us. Eventually I threw a quick glance towards him.
“It’s all right, I know you don’t feel that way about me.” I spoke to my knees, it seemed safest.
“What way?” he asked. I kept my head down as my cheeks burned. He didn’t say anything for
so long that I risked another peek. He was looking at me with confused concern.
“What makes you think that?” I just shook my head.
“Kate?” He reached out a hesitant finger and lifted my chin. “Please talk to me.” The
embarrassment was starting to turn to anger. I reached for the anger to give me enough
strength to speak. The words came tumbling out in a rush.
“You never let me touch you, you always move away. It’s obvious that you don’t want me in
that way, that it embarrasses you if I reach out to you. I understand. We’re not the same race,
and obviously the way you feel is different.”
“Kate listen to me, let me explain.” He moved across the bed towards me but I pulled back,
sitting up straight with crossed legs and folded arms. A flicker of a smile lifted the corner of his
79
lips. He sat facing me, crossing his legs to mirror mine but leaving a small space between us.
“You’re so wrong. I do feel “that way” about you. I feel so “that way” about you it makes my
head spin with longing.” He smiled at my disbelieving face. “When I said you were delicate it
wasn’t just hyperbole. I could pick you up and snap you just like that. In relation to you I’m
incredibly strong and it frightens me. I’ve never felt like this before and the intensity is just…”
He broke off and took a deep breath. “I’m afraid of losing control. I’m terrified of hurting you.”
His voice was light but his eyes were serious. “You are the most important thing in my life and
I mustn’t forget how easily I could injure you.” I looked at his worried face and my anger fled.
“You’re very strong? How strong?” He looked thoughtful for a second then he briefly touched
his finger to my lips.
“Don’t shriek or you’ll wake the house up.” Then I was in his arms. He had sprung through the
window before I realised what was happening. By the time I had remembered to breath he
had landed lightly on the ground and was running down the garden.
He ran fast. I could feel the power in him as he loped smoothly over the grass. He stopped
near the end of the garden, wrapping his arms round my back to hold me against his chest
with my feet dangling. My heart swelled up into my throat, stealing my breath and making me
light-headed. I looked into his eyes, liquid in the faint pre-dawn light, and hoped he could see
my feelings as easily as I could see his. I let the warm glow I could see there wash over me,
warming my whole body right down to my toes. As I let myself sink into the golden flecked
pools I saw a fire ignite in their depths. He loosened his arms and my feet touched the grass.
He took a step backwards. I folded my hands in front of me and looked down. I tried very hard
not to feel rejected, concentrating on my breathing and trying to keep my mind blank.
“Thank you,” he said. I looked up. He smiled a rueful grin. “Oh Kate, it’s hard for you I know. I
will try to be more of a gentleman.” I frowned, I wasn’t made of porcelain, and he was making
me feel like some Victorian maiden who’d faint if a man smiled at her. I looked at him standing
there sheepish and shrugged to myself, the truth was that I would put up with anything to
have him look at me the way he had just now. He caught hold of my hand and led me to the old
swing. I sat down and watched as he poked about in the bottom of the hedge, admiring the
curve of his back as he leaned over, wondering what he was looking for.
When he returned he was carrying a large stone in one hand. His face was grave.
“Put your hand out. No, not like that, put your palm flat.” He balanced the stone on my
upraised palm and crouched down, looking carefully at my face. He put his left hand on my
cheek and put the index finger of his right hand against the stone. I sat frozen as his finger
slowly pressed into the stone as if it were play dough. It was obvious that it was taking no
effort. His hand on my cheek was relaxed and I could feel no more pressure than the original
weight of the stone. Suddenly cold, I watched him slowly bury his finger up to the second
knuckle then pull it out, leaving a wormhole in the hard heavy rock. He hadn’t taken his eyes
from my face but I didn’t trust myself to look at him. He took the stone from my hand and
tossed it back towards the hedge.
His voice was very gentle when he spoke. “Are you afraid?” I shook my head but I couldn’t look
at him. He reached out to touch me, hesitated, and pulled his hand away again. I looked up and
saw his fear. The gap between us seemed enormous but I reached across and took his hand in
mine. I turned it over in my hands making a show of examining it while I waited for my heart
to stop racing.
“What do you do for an encore?” I knew he would hear the quaver in my voice. I tried to still
the churning in my stomach and lifted my face to his. My smile was too wobbly, but I did my
best to look calm. His answering smile was tentative. He stayed very still, waiting for me. I
thought about his arms around me, how safe it made me feel. I tried to reconcile that feeling
with the hole in the stone but my mind skittered away. I looked at his hand, still resting lightly
in mine, and tried to imagine it closing round my wrist, squeezing and crushing me. I knew
now how easily my bones would shatter, but I couldn’t keep the image in my head. I looked
back over my life before this night and I remembered how I felt when he looked at me, the
warm glow that had filled me so recently. I lifted my face to his. My voice was firmer now.
80
“How much of a gentleman can you be?”
“To be with you? I can be whatever I need to be. I have no alternative. My heart won’t let me
leave if you will allow me to stay.” He frowned. “But you will have to help me.”
“I can’t touch you?” He laughed at my forlorn voice.
“I think that would be unbearable, but we have to be careful. I can never lose control around
you. We must protect you from my baser instincts.” He rolled his eyes in embarrassed selfmockery. My laughter was pure and clear. It was a matter of trust. I trusted him with my life.
He was still watching me carefully. “It’s been a long night. Do you want me to leave?” It was
easy to hear the double meaning in his question.
“No, please stay with me.” His breath left his body in a huge whoosh. He stood and stretched,
rolling his head on his neck. When he reached down and pulled me up by my hand I didn’t
flinch. I let the momentum of his pull bring me right to him and slid my arms round his waist,
resting my head against his chest as he crossed his arms against my back. We stood still for a
very long time. The sun rose round us and the shadows slowly disappeared.
“You are truly amazing. No matter what I throw at you, you accept it.” I looked down and
pinched a small fold of his vest between my finger and thumb. I concentrated on twisting the
material between my fingers.
“I have no choice,” I said. “I can’t send you away.” He lifted my face and looked into my eyes.
“That’s settled then.” He smiled his wonderful smile and I couldn’t breathe. “I will never leave
your side, a slave to your every bidding.” I giggled.
We held hands as we walked back towards the house. When we reached the patio I looked
at my window; it seemed a very long way up. I searched the wall for hand or footholds and I
couldn’t see how we’d got down, never mind how we were going to get back up again.
“I’m not really very good with heights,” I muttered. He pulled me against him with one firm
arm while his other hand tucked my head down onto his collarbone, under his chin.
“Shut your eyes. I won’t drop you” he whispered. I obediently shut my eyes, but I had to bite
down hard on my lip when I felt him leap upwards. I considered the horror of waking the
parents and kept my mouth tightly closed. I didn’t open my eyes until I was standing on my
bedside rug and he was holding my shoulders waiting for me to regain my balance.
“I never want to do that again.”
“Perhaps you should move to a bungalow. So much more convenient for midnight callers.”
“I wouldn’t know. I’ve never had someone turn up uninvited in my bedroom before.” I
pretended to scowl at him. He dropped down onto the bed and grinned up at me.
“What about an invited one?” I sat on the bed next to him and stroked my hand gently down
his beautiful golden arm.
“What?” I asked absently.
“Have you ever invited anyone into your bedroom before?” I looked at him, flushing bright
scarlet. “I’m just curious. It’s none of my business but I wondered.” He looked at my burning
face. “Now you’re cross with me.”
I held his eyes firmly, ignoring my self-conscious blush. “I’ve never felt like this about anyone
before.”
He shrugged. “So? You humans are quite liberal I’ve found.”
I gaped at him. “Are you speaking from personal experience?” I eventually managed.
He laughed. “Are you jealous?”
“Are you?” I shot back. He looked at the ceiling thoughtfully.
“That’s an interesting question. Logically I have no right to be. I know this, but I can’t help a
faint niggling curiosity. I don’t think I’m actually jealous, but I am more interested than is
probably good for me. Please just tell me to shut up and mind my own business.”
I stroked my hand down his arm again. “You have no reason to be jealous. My life up until now
has been almost nun-like.”
“Almost?”
I pinched him. “Shut up and mind your own business.”
We lay on the bed, my head in the crook of his arm.
81
“When I said I would be at your side forever I was stretching the truth a bit. I have a job to do
and it occasionally keeps me very busy.”
“Is it dangerous?”
“Sometimes, but I know what I’m doing.” I thought about this, my stomach doing a quick flip at
the idea of him being hurt. He took his arm from under my head and rolled onto his side,
resting on his elbow so that he was looking down at me. “Don’t fret Kate. I’ve always come
back before and now I have more reason than ever.” I tried not to fret, but I remembered how
I’d felt the previous day, before I’d gone to see Jasper. He sighed. “I know. Love makes us
vulnerable.” He stroked his finger slowly from the top of my head to the tip of my chin then
tapped the end of my nose. “But I wouldn’t give up this feeling for anything.” His slow smile lit
my entire world and I had to agree. “I promise I will never leave without telling you first. And I
swear that I will always return to you.” He dropped a swift kiss onto the end of my nose.
“That’s if you want me to.”
“Return to me? Of course. Haven’t you been paying attention?” He grinned, resting his hand
gently on my stomach.
“I just can’t really believe it.” He smiled down at me. “I spent so long telling myself that this
could never happen.” I could feel the heat of his hand on my skin, my entire body seemed to
circle round the warmth. I felt my breathing quicken and tried to still the rush of emotions that
flooded through me. I lay very still and closed my eyes. Be calm, I cautioned myself, be calm.
He laughed gently and I opened my eyes.
“It’s all right,” he whispered. I looked up his smooth still face and he smiled reassuringly.
“Though perhaps we’d better not put it to the test.” As he ruefully shoved his hand into his
pocket I sat up, searching for a change of subject.
My eyes fell on the sheath at his waist. “Can I see your knife?” He removed it in one fluid
move and offered it to me hilt first. It was heavier than I expected and my hand dipped slightly
as I took it. He chuckled. I ignored him and examined the blade. The metal was a dull grey,
silver along the edges. The handle was made of a hard heavy wood, deep chocolate brown with
a hint of red where it caught the light. There were intricate carvings looping and twisting
through the grain. I moved it in my hands, trying to get a better look.
“Careful” he said. “It’s very sharp.”
“I’m trying to see the pattern on the handle.” He took the knife from me and balanced it on the
flat of his hand. The carving was surprisingly detailed. Although I could see how his hand had
smoothed and polished the wood the design was strong and clearly defined.
“This tree at the bottom of the haft symbolises strength. See how the roots twine round the
bolster.” He ran his finger over the edge of the wood and I saw that it had been carved to
overlap the metal. “These lines that run up on each side of the tree are water. Water is a
symbol of life. It starts here, nourishing the tree then it rises to encircle the sun.” He brushed a
complex knot of curves at the top. I touched the tree with one finger, I could just feel the
branches through my fingertip.
“It’s beautiful.” He flipped it over and I stared in total amazement. At the top and bottom were
interlocking triangles framing the central design. It wasn’t round like mine; these animals
followed each other in an oval, their tails and bodies entwining perfectly. The silhouettes were
simpler than my attempt and whoever had carved them had understood how to make the
shapes interlock. I reached out a shaky hand and stroked the impossible image.
“Wait here. I want to show you something.” He put his knife away as he watched me search
frantically through my school bag, then start tossing through the pile of books on the floor at
the end of my bed.
“Is your bedroom always this tidy?” he asked. I threw my pencil case at his head; his arm
whipped out and he caught it easily. When I found my sketchbook I brought it back to the bed,
flipping rapidly through the pages until I saw what I was looking for. I held it out to him and he
frowned. “What is this?”
“I was trying to design a tattoo. Emma took me with her to the tattoo shop and it inspired me
to try to design my own.” He looked at my sketch for a long time.
82
“Wow” he whispered. I nodded. He looked up and tipped his head to one side. “So you’re going
to have a tattoo? That’s a bit rebellious for you isn’t it?”
I rolled my eyes. “I thought about it for about two seconds then I changed my mind.”
“I don’t know, I think it could be quite sexy.”
“I decided it would probably hurt a lot, and anyway my mum would flip.”
“You could always have it somewhere where she’d never see it.” He raised his eyebrows
wickedly. “Now you’re blushing again.”
He picked up my sketchbook and started turning the pages.
“Some of this is very good.” He stopped when he came to the page that had caused so much
trouble. “This is my tree. It grows in the garden back home. The colours aren’t quite right, the
centre of the flowers should be bluer. The flowers have such a rich scent, in the spring you can
smell the fragrance right inside the house. It’s a huge tree, gigantic to me when I was small. My
uncle built us a tree house in it; it was my favourite place, after we’d outgrown playing pirates
and castles I still spent a lot of time up there. The leaves are bigger than my hand and in the
autumn they slowly turn a deep burgundy. As they fall they dance in the breeze. The fruits are
small and the lower ones can be a bit tart, but if you climb to the top where they catch the sun
they’re soft and juicy. I used to sit in the tree house eating the fruit and trying to carve shapes
out of pieces of wood. I wasn’t very good at it, most of them used to go straight back into the
log basket. Rez used to make comments about the strange shaped trees Dad must have cut the
firewood from.”
“Rez is your brother?”
“He’s the oldest. It makes him tend towards the pompous. I’m the youngest and I’m never
allowed to forget it.”
“He’s very angry.”
“Probably, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. He thinks he loses authority because one of his unit
used to sit on his head and twist his ears till he cried.”
“What’s he going to say about us? What’s he going to do?”
“Don’t worry, he’ll have calmed down by the time I see him.”
“Will he know that you’re here with me now, won’t that make it worse?”
Tick chuckled. “Spending the night in your bedroom you mean? That probably comes under
his definition of corrupting innocents. Do you feel corrupted?” I shook my head, giggling.
“I will have to sort this out though. I don’t want to go, but the sooner I speak to them the
better. Don’t look sad Kate. Everyone should calm down when I explain the situation.”
Embarrassment flooded me at the thought of Tick telling Jasper all the things I’d said. Folding
his arms round me, he tipped his face down and whispered in my ear. “Don’t worry, I’m a
gentleman. I won’t reveal all your secrets.” I hugged him gently, keeping my arms lose against
his back.
“I wish you didn’t have to go” I said.
“Me too.” He dropped a kiss onto the top of my head and stood up quickly. Twisting his fingers
into my hair he looked down into my eyes. “This has been the best night ever.” He put his other
hand behind me and slowly drew his finger down my spine. I gasped as shivers of pleasure ran
through me. His eyes went wide, I heard his breath catch. “I’ll see you very soon” he promised.
I nodded weakly as I watched him spring out of the window. Flopping back onto the bed I
wrapped my arms round myself, hugging the warm glow that filled my chest.
I was woken by a determined knocking. Dad put his head round the door and knocked
again.
“Morning!” His voice was vindictively bright and cheerful. I rolled away from him. “Well, I say
morning. It’s practically afternoon.” He stomped round the room being deliberately noisy, I
rolled back over in an attempt to shut him out. A vague feeling of discomfort made me realise I
was still dressed. My eyes shot open. The previous night dropped back into my consciousness,
making my brain reel. “That’s better,” said Dad, “are you back in the land of the living?” I'd
pulled the quilt over me in my sleep, I snuggled deeper so he wouldn’t notice my clothes.
“Come on, it’s a beautiful day. You don’t want to waste it all in bed.” I looked at the sunlight
83
flooding through my open window. It was a beautiful day.
Dad finally ambled back down stairs. I heard the doorbell ring, and then his voice bellowed
back up.
“Kate! There’s a young man here to see you.”
84
Wonderful isn't it?
I leaned, unnoticed, on the door frame, admiring him sitting at the kitchen table. He looked
exactly as he had the previous evening, with his beautiful eyes and tumble of course hair. His
wonderful body was hidden under a loose T-shirt and jeans, his feet were still bare. Mum was
telling him amusing things that her pupils had done and he was giving every impression of
being interested. As she put some cups in the cupboard he gave me a huge grin and a wink
then turned back to Mum.
“He’s got such an angel face, you wouldn’t believe it of him.” She saw me and waved her teatowel. “Here she is, sleeping beauty herself.” I scowled at her.
Tick smiled at me. “Hi Kate, if you’re not busy today I wondered if you’d like to go to the
pictures or something.”
“Um, okay.”
“When are you working?” Mum asked me.
“Not till seven.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll bring her back in good time,” said Tick.
“I should think so too, Kate seems to be having trouble remembering the time at the moment.”
I gave her a hard stare; I didn’t think she was playing fair telling me off in front of a visitor.
“Really?” Tick gave me an amused look. “She’s always on time for work. Very reliable Jasper
says.”
“Well that’s reassuring to hear, at least she’s not as ditzy as she is at home.”
“Ditzy?” Tick’s eyes were dancing as he looked at me.
“Can we go now?” I asked pointedly.
“I think you’d better have some breakfast first,” said Mum.
“I’m not hungry.”
”Even so, I think you should have something.”
“Mum! I’m really not hungry”
“Tick won’t mind waiting, will you Tick?”
His eyes were still laughing at me. “I’m in no hurry, you go ahead.” I went to the cupboard,
figuring that cereal was going to be my quickest option.
“Breakfast is the most important meal” said Mum. I poured out the smallest amount possible.
“Have more than that, or there’s not much point.” She picked up the packet and filled the bowl.
I heard a quiet chuckle from the table. “Breakfast gives you fuel for the rest of the day.” She
took the milk from me and put it back in the fridge.
“That’s right,” said Tick. “I don’t want you fainting on me or anything.” I glowered at him but he
ignored me. Slamming my full bowl onto the table opposite him I started eating. Tick watched
me approvingly.
“You need to get your strength up” he said. I glanced up and he raised his eyebrows
suggestively. I tipped my face back to the bowl to cover my blush.
Dad walked in and put the kettle on.
“Did she keep you waiting long?” he asked Tick. Tick shook his head, grinning.
“Always keep them waiting, it keeps them keen” Dad advised me. I ground my teeth as I stared
at the table.
“You had a good lie in, were you up late last night?” asked Tick. I looked into his innocent face
and frowned. Two could play this game.
“You should know, you brought me home.” Tick glanced guiltily at Mum and it was my turn to
smile.
“Sorry about that, the time just slipped past and we didn’t realise how late it was.”
“That’s all right Tick, it’s not your responsibility to make sure Kate gets home on time, it’s
hers.”
He glanced at me, his lips twitching, then turned a serious face to Mum
“Even so, I should have reminded her to phone.”
“No harm done, I wouldn’t have worried if I’d known she was with you.” I rolled my eyes and
85
concentrated on eating my cereal as quickly as possible.
“What film are you going to see?” Mum asked him.
“Oh I don’t know, we’ll see what’s on when we get there. Maybe we’ll change our minds and do
something else.”
“Well, have fun.”
“Oh I think we will.”
Deciding enough was enough, I dumped the rest of the cereal into the bin before Mum could
see how much was left and headed for the door. Tick stayed at the table, his eyes laughing.
“Ready?” I asked him pointedly. He stood and followed me slowly, giving Mum and Dad a wave.
I grabbed his hand and dragged him through the front door and down the drive.
“I think you’ve had enough fun for today freaky weird boy!” When we reached the gate he
stopped, pulling his arm back so that I swung round to face him. I looked up into his laughing
face, so close to mine, and I could feel my heart beating faster.
He grinned, “I was enjoying myself.”
“Well I wasn’t. Can we go now?” I tried to pull him along but I couldn’t move him.
“Are you sure you don’t want a coat?” he asked. In my keenness to get out I’d forgotten to pick
anything up. I scowled up at him then turned and stalked back to the house. Luckily Tick
hadn’t shut the door behind us and I managed to get into the hall and pick up my bag and
jacket without anyone noticing. When I came out again Tick was in the drive holding open the
passenger door of his car. I hadn’t noticed it before, he’d let me drag him right past it. He made
a big show of helping me into the car, laughing gently the whole time.
“So where are we going? I assume it’s not the cinema?”
“We can if you like, I only really said that for your mum. I’ve never been to the cinema, but I
must admit it doesn’t really appeal. If you don’t mind I was going to take you up to the stones. I
haven’t been there for a while and I promised Jasper that I’d look in on them today.”
“The stones?”
“The Sleeping Ladies”
“The stone circle? You have to look at it?”
“The stones mark a place of weakness in your world. They were placed by your ancestors as a
reminder that the area is dangerous.”
“You’re kidding.” I considered the idea and shrugged. It made as much sense as everything else
that had happened over the last couple of days.
“Normally I’d walk, but I wasn’t sure how good a walker you are.”
“I can walk that far!”
“So next time we’ll walk.”
We drove in silence for a few minutes.
“So how did it go?” I asked.
“With Rez?” He pulled a face. “Grim at first but I think he’s given up. I do feel a bit bad, he’s got
a lot on his plate at the moment. Jasper persuaded him it would be better if I stayed. He’s going
to “monitor the situation” for him.” He reached over and stroked my hand, making my heart
flutter. “I think Jasper is going to talk to you, sorry.”
“No No No No No! What am I going to say?”
“Don’t worry, you’ll be all right. Jasper’s still feeling bad about last night, he won’t want to
upset you again. As far as he’s concerned you’re the innocent party in all this. He’s still furious
with me, but I think he’s shouted himself out.”
“Did you shout back?”
“No, I took everything they threw at me. I think that impressed them actually. To tell the truth I
didn’t want to prolong it. All I wanted to do was be on my own so that I could think about you.”
He glanced sideways. “It was while I was running it all back in my head that I realised
something terrible. There’s something I haven’t done, I’ve no idea why. I haven’t kissed you.
It’s a real oversight and one I mean to put right at the first opportunity.”
“Oh.” It was all I could manage, my heart was racing. His smile grew even broader.
The Sleeping Ladies are one of the local tourist attractions, though they’re not actually that
86
interesting. People expect standing stones to be, well, standing at least. Instead of an
impressive circle of tall blocks we have a jumble of fallen stones, none of them very big to
begin with. Apparently they’re very old and people say that it’s impossible to count them twice
and arrive at the same number. They’re just outside the town surrounded by a smallish wood.
This is where Jasper does most of his owl watching, though I saw Jasper’s night time activities
in a new light since Tick’s revelations. It’s a pretty place, the stones in a dip surrounded by
trees, when we were children we used to be brought here for picnics. We’d run round in the
woods, it was fun. There was one other car in the car park; obviously a family was taking
advantage of the bright autumn sun. As Tick and I, holding hands, came over the low hill that
separated the car park from the circle we saw a couple of young children running round and
shouting encouragement to their dad as he made chalk marks on each stone when they’d
counted it.
“Are they really impossible to count?” I asked.
I don’t know, is that what people say?” Tick didn’t seem very interested
He drew me to the side of the clearing where there were some tables and benches and sat
down. I sat next to him, watching the children who had got bored with their counting and
were just running round in circles.
He smiled shyly. “I wanted to give you some of my beads, if you’d be prepared to wear them.”
He took a soft leather bag from his pocket and undid the drawstring. The bag opened into a
flat circle on the table, revealing a colourful jumble that collapsed into a heap in the centre. He
spread them with his finger. “I used to wear them in my hair but I took them off, they just get
in the way when I’m working.” I looked at his rough golden mane and tried to imagine beads
threaded into it, in my head it looked ridiculous and I tried not to giggle. He seemed to read
my mind. “Not actually in my hair. What you do is you braid leather thongs with beads down
the back of your neck. Lots of my people do it.” He stirred the beads again. “If you chose the
ones you like you can wear them round your wrist.” He looked at me. “If you want to.” I picked
up one of the beads; it was quite large with a deep red pattern on a green background. When I
looked closer the simple red lines were actually flowers running round the bead.
“It’s beautiful,” I said.
“That’s one of my favourites. It was my grandmothers.” I dropped it onto the pile.
“I didn’t know they were important. I thought they were just beads that you’d bought.”
“Some of them I bought, some were given to me and some I won.”
“How do you win a bead?”
“At cards usually. This one I won in a bet.” He picked out a bead and handed it to me. I turned it
my fingers, deep flecks in the dark stone caught the light as I moved it in the sun.
“What was the bet? “
“I was first through the breach when we had to sort out the Tishite uprising.”
“What?”
He shrugged “Too complicated to explain now. It was my first real action. They stopped calling
me the baby after that.”
I put the bead back onto the pile. “You’ll probably want to keep that one then”
“I won’t be losing it if I give it to you, just changing where I’m wearing it.” His eyes held mine
for the longest time then he looked down and swirled the pile round. “Choose the ones you
like best, if you like Grammies take it.” He glanced up. “I’d like that.” I started to sort through
the small heap, picking up the ones that caught my eye and trying to make choices.
“They’re all lovely, which ones do you think I should have?”
“I’m not saying anything, you must choose for yourself.” I sighed and went back to the beads.
After a while I had a small pile put to one side.
“How many should I choose?” I asked.
“It’s up to you, just see which ones speak to you.”
I put a couple more on the pile than stopped. “I like these ones.”
“Okay then.” He reached into his pocket and produced a loop of fine leather thong. He picked
up my pile of beads and examined it. “This one I bought when we were in Washato, it was
87
beautiful there. This one I won at cards, stupid boy was so sure of his hand he bet the bead. He
picked up his Grandmothers bead from the pile and flashed me such a puppy-dog smile I
thought my heart would explode. He took his knife from his waist and cut lengths of leather,
then he started to plait them into a complicated woven band, threading the beads onto the
thongs at intervals. “Hold your hand out so that I can measure it.” He wrapped the braid round
my wrist. “We have a choice at this point. I can run the threads into two ends that can be
knotted round your wrist or I can interweave then to keep the pattern continuous. That will
look better but you won’t be able to take it off.”
“I don’t want to take it off” I said. He smiled.
I sat with my hand held out, watching him as he concentrated on weaving the bangle round
my wrist. The point of his tongue was just sticking out between his lips and he was humming
quietly to himself. “I love you” I said. He kept his eyes on his work as he carefully cut of a piece
of leather with his knife.
“That’s the first time you’ve said that.”
“But you know I do.”
“It’s very nice to hear it said though.” He threaded a thong through a gap and gave it a tug. “I
love you too.” He looked up and gave me the most glorious smile. “Wonderful isn’t it?” The sun
shone on his hair as I sat watching him. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. The
skin on his arms glowed golden and smooth. He narrowed his breathtaking eyes slightly as he
cut the last piece of leather then smiled at me. “All done, what do you think?” I examined the
intricate weaving then gave him a grin.
“It’s beautiful, thank you.” He grinned back and I couldn’t believe it was possible for a person
to feel so happy. Tick’s hand rested lightly on mine, his thumb gently stroking the leather
bracelet. I leaned sideways and put my head on his shoulder, he slid his arm round my waist
and we just sat in the warm autumn sunshine.
I watched the boys climbing onto the stones and jumping off.
“So what do you have to do here?” I asked.
“Nothing, I would have known if there was anything wrong before we got out of the car. I
wasn’t expecting anything or I wouldn’t have brought you. It’s a good idea to visit regularly
though, keep an eye on things.” He stood up. “Go for a walk?” We strolled round the circle, then
he put his arm round my shoulder and steered me onto a path into the trees. “I like it here
anyway, it’s always very peaceful.” A loud shout as he finished speaking made me snort. He
laughed. “They’re just having fun. You know what I mean, it feels like a happy place.” He looked
round thoughtfully then moved off the path, taking my hand and walking purposefully. Every
now and then he would stop and look round.
“What are you looking for?” I asked. He threaded his way between two trees into a small
clearing.
“Can you see the people at the stones?” he asked. I looked round then shook my head. “Good,
then they can’t see us. I’ve got a serious oversight to put right.” My legs felt weak as he moved
towards me and slowly tipped his face down to mine. He slid his arms round me and pulled me
to him as our lips met. His lips were soft and moved gently against mine, I shut my eyes as the
world went hazy. He ran his tongue over my bottom lip, my mouth opening as I wrapped my
arms round his neck. I returned his pressure with my lips, our mouths moving against each
other in perfect harmony. A warm glow ran down my body as he slowly circled my tongue with
his. The world lost focus, there was just his mouth and mine, exquisitely perfect. He stroked
his tongue over my lips as he pulled his head back to look into my eyes. It was only his arms
that stopped me from falling. I returned his gaze, soft, loving and unbelievably beautiful, my
head was swimming, my heart hammering. He smiled into my eyes then kissed me again.
As our mouths met shivers ran down my body, I opened my lips under his and met his
tongue with mine. I pushed my fingers into the hair at his neck, feeling the movement of his
head as his mouth moved against mine. He stroked one hand up from my waist to my shoulder
blade, my skin tingling under his touch. As the pressure of his lips increased I twisted one
hand into his hair and moved the other gently down his back. His arms pulled me against him
88
hard. For one terrible crushing second I fought to breathe then he was gone, leaving me
unbalanced and stumbling. I reached out my arm and held onto a convenient branch, as I
looked for him. He had his back against a tree, his hands on his knees, breathing hard.
Eventually he lifted his head. “Did I hurt you?” I shook my head. He ran his eyes anxiously
over me. “Are you sure?”
“Really, I’m fine. Are you okay?” He straightened and moved away from the tree.
“A bit embarrassed.” He shrugged. His sheepish expression set me off laughing, at which he
looked hurt. “I’m sorry I ruined it all,” he said.
I stepped over to him and looked into his eyes. “You didn’t ruin anything, it was wonderful.”
He scanned my face carefully, what he saw reassured him and a soft smile lit his face.
“Wonderful?” he asked. I nodded; the closeness of him was making me light headed. “Oh Kate.”
A gentle hand stroked my hair away from my face, his finger leaving a tingling trail on my
forehead. I shut my eyes.
“I think we’d better go somewhere more public.” He gave me an apologetic half smile. Turning
from him I headed out of the trees. He caught up with me and took hold of my hand, I
squeezed his fingers gently and led him back into the sunshine.
The family had gone home, Tick looked up and I saw that the sun was low.
“What time do you start work? I’ll take you home now or you won’t have time to eat before you
go.” He laughed as I rolled my eyes. “Sometimes your mother’s right.” Once he’d said it I was
hungry, I hadn’t really eaten any of the cereal and now it was tea time. I didn’t want to leave
though.
“Are you working tonight?” I asked.
“Not this evening but I’ll come and walk you home when you’ve finished if that’s all right.”
“Yes please.” We walked slowly to the car, still holding hands. The drive back was quiet,
occasionally he’d glance sideways and we’d grin at each other. He stopped in front of my house
and turned to face me.
“It’s a good job I’m not working tonight” he said. “I’d probably set fire to something or burn
myself. You’re incredibly distracting you know.” I giggled. He leaned over and kissed my nose.
“I’ll be thinking about you all the time till I pick you up” he whispered. I sat still, enjoying his
closeness. He sighed and pointed towards the house, putting on a scolding voice.
“Go! Eat! Work! Don’t be late for Jasper!”
“All right, all right I’m going. But I don’t want to.”
It wasn’t until I was putting the key in the lock that I thought about what Tick had said.
Jasper! I fumbled the key, my hand shaking. Perhaps I could pretend to be sick? No, that would
just make it worse. I was just going to have to face him, but it was probably going to be bad.
89
It's a very big umbrella
I made sure I was early for work, I wasn’t sure how serious Tick’s warning had been. I
hesitated before I opened the door, not knowing what to expect. I knew he couldn’t make a
scene in the shop and Tick had assured me that it wasn’t me they were cross with, but he’d
been so angry the last time I’d seen him that part of me was expecting to be sacked on the
spot. He wasn’t there. Abby was singing as she danced from the fryer to the till.
“Good, you’re early.” She counted out the change and we both twirled out to the back room.
Normally I’d be too self-conscious to dance with her but the relief had made me drunk. Jasper
was on the phone in the office, he looked up as we stumbled to a halt in front of him. Abby was
giggling as she took her apron off; I grabbed the first apron from the clean hamper and dived
for the door.
“Hang on a second,” Jasper put his hand over the mouthpiece. “Kate, could you wait here, I
want to have a word with you.” He went back to his call as I hunched in the doorway. “Sorry
about that, what were you saying?” Following his gesture I shut the door and sat on the chair
beside his desk to wait, trying not to feel like I’d been called to the headmistress’ office.
He hung up and looked at me warily. “I’m informed that you and Tick have reached an
understanding. Is that so?” I nodded, picking at a loose bit of skin by my thumb nail. “As I’m
sure you gathered, not everyone is happy about this. I’m sorry about last night. We could have
handled it better.” I looked at him in surprise when he said last night; it was incredible that so
much had happened in twenty four hours. He waited for me to say something but I returned to
my thumb. “Yes, well. It’s unfortunate that everything panned out the way it did and I’m
concerned that our heavy-handedness may have influenced your decision. I wouldn’t want you
to..” He stopped and tried again. “What I mean is…”
“You think I accepted Tick because I was mad at you?” I didn’t look up but I saw him flinch at
the word accepted.
“I think it’s unlikely that you totally understand what you’re getting yourself into. I just want
to make sure that you know that I’m here for you whatever happens. No-one will shout at you
like before, it wasn’t you we were angry with. This situation may take a while to resolve itself
and I will do everything in my power to support you.”
He seemed to expect some kind of response so I muttered “Thank you.”
“This is outside my personal experience but I’ve been doing some research. We’ve decided it
would be in your best interests for Tick to stay with me for the present but I wanted to assure
you that, given the possible fluidity of the circumstances and the fact that we’re all working
blind, my first priority is to support you. I appreciate that this is a delicate matter and I may
not be your first choice of confidant but I hope you understand that discretion is paramount.”
He looked at me expectantly so I nodded. “Good. Well as long as you understand that you can
come to me at any time. My door is always open.”
“Thank you.” I smiled at him, glad it was over.
“On a more personal note.“ I sunk further into the hard chair; more personal? “You’ve
always been like a daughter to me, Kate. You parents are my best friends.” He started shuffling
things around on his desk. “You’ve always been a sensible girl, and I understand that you’re at
the age where relationships start to get more serious.” Oh no! He was going to give me the
condom talk! “As the current circumstances are somewhat unusual…….If anything happened to
upset Anne…..What I’m trying to say is……….” As his rambling petered out I concentrated on
twisting my bracelet round and round my wrist. I knew he meant well, but everything was
doubly awful because it was unnecessary. Didn’t he know that we wouldn’t be doing that? My
whole body grew hot at the thought of him and Rez discussing us. Was he worried that Tick
would hurt me? “What I’m trying to say is,” he stopped and looked my fiddling hands. “Did
Tick give you that?” I nodded, my face still blazing. He looked at the beads, then at me, his face
unreadable. “Anyway, I assume you’re aware that Tick has certain unusual skills?” I nodded
again. “What concerns me, what puts me in a difficult position, is the uses he puts them to. Do
you understand?” Not at all, but I nodded, hoping to speed my escape. “All right then, I’ll let
90
you get back to work. Don’t forget my door is always open.”
I slammed it shut behind me and found everyone staring at me curiously.
“Are you all right? What did you do?” asked Hannah.
“Nothing.”
“Abby said Jasper looked very serious and you looked as if you didn’t want to talk to him. We
thought you were getting fired, but we couldn’t work out what you’d done.”
“Nothing, I’ve done nothing.” I was suddenly angry. I had done nothing; all of this had
happened to me, I hadn’t gone looking for any of it. The bell rang as the shop door opened and
I hurried to the counter, ignoring Hannah’s speculative look.
Nobody pressed me for an explanation, though occasionally I’d catch one of them looking at
me curiously. When Jasper came out they all watched his attitude to me, but he was friendly
and easy. The atmosphere lifted, I was soon forgotten. I spent the rest of the evening thinking
about what Jasper had said. At the end of the shift, while I was wiping his table, he gave me an
apologetic smile.
“I heard them say you were getting the boot, sorry about that.”
I smiled back. “Don’t worry about it.”
“I’ll give you a lift home, it’s a filthy night.”
“That’s okay, Tick’s picking me up.” I tried desperately not to blush as I said his name.
Jasper raised one eyebrow. “In this rain? It must be love.” I was blushing now, but I didn’t mind.
That was the kind of teasing anyone in the chip shop would get. Obviously all the weird
conversations were behind us.
“Who’s in love?” asked Ryan as I went back through the counter. I was saved answering by the
door.
Tick pushed his hood back and shook his head, splattering a cloud of raindrops. The silver
sparks trapped in his golden hair danced as he rumpled his hand through them before running
it over his wet face. As his eyes opened they moved instantly to me and his mouth lifted into a
huge smile that enveloped me. I put my hand on the counter to steady myself as my answering
smile met his and the rest of the world was pushed back into a monochrome blur.
“You look drowned, where did you park?” asked Jasper.
“I walked.”
“You didn’t bring a car?”
“No, I brought an umbrella.”
“In this weather?”
“It’s a very big umbrella.” Tick twirled it then leant on it like a walking stick.
“I can’t believe you want to walk back in this.”
“It takes longer.” I tried not to giggle as Tick grinned at him boldly.
“Give me strength!” Jasper was torn between exasperated and amused. “I hope you’ve brought
a decent coat” he said to me.
“Don’t worry, I’ll keep you warm.” Tick’s eyes were dancing at me. I ran away to the back room
as Ryan started laughing.
“You and Tick?” asked Hannah as she put her coat on. “Good catch, he’s very cute.” My
embarrassment peaked, making me dumb. She laughed at my red face. “Do your coat up,” she
said kindly, “just walk quickly. Don’t look at Ryan, head for the door and Tick will follow you.
With his big umbrella.” We both giggled. I felt much better as we walked out together. Hannah
frowned pointedly at Ryan and, one hand on my back, steered me firmly towards the door.
Tick was at my side; he followed me out, opening the umbrella and putting his hand on my
waist to draw me under it with him.
The rain was falling hard, it hammered onto the umbrella then ran down the edges to create
a shimmering wall that enclosed us. We walked in a pocket of silence, Tick's hand still lightly
on my waist.
“I’m sorry I embarrassed you” he said. “I wasn’t thinking. I’m so happy, and it just bubbled up,
then I saw your face and I felt terrible.”
“It’s all right.” I put my arm round him, squeezed him to me, then rested my hand on his hip.
91
“Are you warm? Perhaps I should have driven.”
“I’m fine, I prefer this.” I pressed my hand against his hip and felt him slide his hand tighter
round my waist.
“Mmm, you’re right, I couldn’t drive like this.”
“Aren’t your feet cold?” I asked. We both looked down at his bare feet sploshing along the
pavement. “Do you ever wear shoes?”
“Oh yes, when I’m somewhere very cold. Your world isn’t cold at all to me.” I tried to examine
his feet but I couldn’t see them well through the rain. They didn't look tough enough for feet
that were always bare, the skin looked pale and soft, not hard and calloused.
“Are you okay?” he asked. I looked at him, confused. He waved a foot in the air. “Do they freak
you out?”
“No, why would they?”
“They’re not human. I’m not human.”
“All of you is beautiful to me.” I kept my eyes forwards, amazed that I wasn’t blushing.
We walked quietly for a few yards, I was wondering what had happened to me. All my
shyness disappeared when I was with him. Was that what love does?
He broke into my thoughts. “Did Jasper speak to you?” I groaned. “Was it very bad?” He rubbed
his hand against my side sympathetically.
“It was so embarrassing. And he was embarrassed too, which made it mega awful.”
“What did he say?”
“I couldn’t understand most of it but I kept nodding, hoping to get away. I think he thinks that
this will all fade. You and me, we’ll stop feeling like this.”
“Yes, he thinks that if they separate us they’ll turn us into tragic lovers, but if they leave us to it
it will run its course.”
I stopped and turned to him. “Is that’s what’s going to happen?”
“It doesn’t feel like that. I don’t think so.” He scanned my face. “What do you think?”
“I couldn’t bear it if you got bored with me.” His sudden laugh stopped my threatening tears.
“It’s not me, it’s you. They don’t think that a human girl will maintain the bond. Jasper thinks
it’s me whose heart will be broken. I think he must be reasonably fond of me, he seems quite
concerned.”
“Oh.” I didn’t know what to say.
He smiled gently. “You don’t have to do what Jasper says.”
“I can’t imagine ever feeling any different to the way I feel right now.” I stoked his cheek with
my free hand. “I don’t think I could ever break your heart,”
“Shhh. Let’s just be happy now. There’s no point in fretting over things that may never
happen.” The arm that was wrapped round my back lifted my feet from the floor and he spun
us round, water spraying out from the umbrella. “Are you happy?” he asked as I struggled for
breath and balance.
“Yes, I’m very happy.”
“Me too.”
“I was remembering the last time I walked you home” he said as we set off again. “What
would have happened if I’d spoken then?”
“I wouldn’t have cried myself to sleep that night.”
“Did you cry? Oh Kate, now I feel terrible.”
“You don’t sound it.”
He laughed. “I’m sorry, I can’t help feeling smug when I think that you want me. I am sorry that
you were sad though.”
“You were miserable too.”
“It’s hard to remember now. Everything’s so wonderful, the time before doesn’t seem real.”
“What doesn’t seem real is that it was only yesterday that everything changed. I feel as if we’ve
been like this for weeks.”
“Like this? That’s not the most romantic of descriptions. I know what you mean though.
Everything feels right now, as if the world has shaken itself into its proper place. When did you
92
know how you felt?”
“When we went to the café. Before that I wouldn’t let myself realise. But then I couldn’t ignore
it anymore.”
“I was stupid, it took me much longer than that. I had no idea, you didn’t give any sign.”
“Yes I did, but you were stupid.” I tightened my arm round him. “It doesn’t matter now though.”
He moved his mouth close to my ear.
“I love being like this” he whispered.
We were walking slowly, in no hurry to arrive. The black arch of the umbrella enclosed us in
our own world, safe and alone. I glanced sideways at him, he was smiling down at me.
“What?” he asked.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Of course.”
“Do you promise not to get mad?”
“Why would I?”
“Do you promise?”
His lips twitched at the corners but he said seriously “I promise. What’s on your mind?”
“It was something Jasper said, but I didn’t understand it. He was rambling about being in a
difficult position, then he looked at the beads you gave me and started talking about how you
might use your skills. He was dead against something but I had no idea what he was talking
about. Then, when you said that I would be the one to fall out of love, I wondered if he thought
that you might, I don’t know, try to do something to stop that happening.” Tick stopped
walking but I didn’t look at him. “Please don’t be cross.”
“A love charm?” He was laughing. “Even if I could, I wouldn’t”
“Why not?”
“It wouldn’t be you, would it? Don’t worry, all you feelings are yours, that’s not what Jasper’s
getting in a twist about. I wish I’d been there. The delicate matter than he felt unable to
discuss openly with you was my presence in your bedroom last night. He thinks Dave would
beat him up if he found out that you were entertaining men in the middle of the night and
Jasper knew about it. I’m under very strong instructions. I’m not allowed to use my skills in
any way to, what did he say? To enable our behaviour to transgress the boundaries that would
be acceptable to your parents.”
“That sounds like Jasper.” We were both laughing.
“Actually he said my behaviour. He doesn’t like to think about your behaviour, just keeps saying
“Kate is like a daughter to me”.”
“He said that to me as well.”
“I wouldn’t mind, but he was so pompous and, considering the stories I’ve heard about him, it
was hard to take. But I kept my head down and nodded seriously, I didn’t want him to cause
any problems for us.”
“Stories? About Jasper?”
“Oh yes, he’s quite the ladies man. And from what I’ve heard he has no compunction when it
comes to using his skills.”
“Wow! Jasper?”
“Well, I doubt all the stories are true, but he’s certainly had his moments.” He stopped and I
realised we were by my hedge. He took his arm away from my waist and stood looking down
at me seriously.
“I was going to kiss you, but now I don’t think I can.” I gazed up into his beautiful eyes, I
wanted him to kiss me. “All evening I thought about you, about how I would pick you up and
we’d walk home and when we got here I’d kiss you. I imagined how it would be, how it would
feel, and now that I’m here it's so….so intense that I’m afraid.” He looked down. “I’m sorry.” I
squashed my disappointment, looking carefully at the embarrassed boy in front of me and
trying to work out how to make it all right. I stepped back, rain started dripping down my back
but I ignored it.
“Tick” I said gently. When he looked up I caught his eyes with mine and held them. I
93
remembered how I’d felt when he kissed me in the woods. Letting my gaze sink deep into his, I
imagined him holding me, his lips on mine. His eyes went wide, drinking in my love as I
thought about him sliding his hand down my back, the feel of him against my skin. I mentally
wrapped my arms tight about him, his eyes diving into mine, returning his own passion. The
space between us was charged as I remembered the way I had twisted my hand into his hair,
pulling him closer in my mind.
“Ohhh” The small, soft sound escaped him as I thought about his tongue circling mine. Gently,
he put a finger against my lips. I opened my mouth slightly and licked it, keeping his eyes
coupled with mine. My heart was pounding as he slid his wet finger over my bottom lip. His
eyes were deep pools of love that I swam in, anchored to his light touch on my mouth.
A lifetime later I surfaced, and slowly pulled my gaze back from his. I grinned smugly into
his dazed expression.
“That was so…so…” His voice trailed off.
“I know.”
He sighed. “I’d better walk you to your door, Jasper will kill me if your parents start worrying.”
“Won’t you come in for a coffee? That would be a normal thing to do, Jasper wouldn’t object to
that.”
“Then I could look at you for longer.”
“Come on then.” I didn’t want to say goodbye to him, any excuse would do to keep him near me
as long as possible.
“Will your parents be there?”
“Possibly.”
“I don’t think I will then. I feel so good now, so amazingly wonderful, I want to hold onto that
feeling as long as possible. I don’t want to be brought back to earth by talking to people. I’m
going to float home in a cloud of you, hugging the memory as long as possible. Do you mind?”
“No, you’re right. I don’t want to talk to my dad either. I’m going to sneak upstairs and lie on
my bed and think of you.”
He grinned. “That’s a lovely image for me to take home with me.” I giggled as he put his arm
back round me and we walked to my door. When we were in the porch he dropped the
umbrella and took my face in both of his hands, lifting my mouth to his. I kissed him gently,
keeping my arms by my side. He lifted his mouth from mine.
“I love you” he murmured, his lips brushing mine as he spoke.
“I love you too.” It was barely a whisper.
He pulled his head farther back so that he could look into my eyes. “Think of me thinking of
you.” He picked up the umbrella and left me leaning against the front door.
94
I'm on a tight schedule
School the next day drifted past me. It felt like the first day of term, the weekend had been
so intense it was impossible that I’d been here only three days ago. I knew now how Tick had
felt when he’d embarrassed me at work; I was so happy I wanted to grab the tannoy and make
an announcement. I hadn’t known before that love makes you like everyone, even Mr.Tomkins.
I was shy of talking to Emma and Chloe though, I couldn’t find the right words. I thought about
our conversations about hot boys we fancied. This didn’t feel anything like that, and I didn’t
know how to start without feeling stupid. Something had to be said. They were my best
friends, I couldn’t keep such a huge thing from them, but I couldn’t explain it properly. I was
afraid they’d irritate me with shallow questions. If I tried to explain how I felt they’d tease me,
make me feel melodramatic. I tried to imagine me and Tick hanging out with Chloe and Matt
and Emma and Dan; shopping, eating burgers. It didn’t work. I didn’t like the idea of living a
double life, a “human” life and a “Tick” life. It would have to sort itself out but I couldn’t work
out how. Maybe Tick could make everyone accept everything without any embarrassing
questions. He wasn’t allowed to trick my parents but he hadn’t said anything about my friends.
That didn’t feel good, I shouldn’t want to trick my friends.
I couldn’t tell them the truth though. Part of Jasper’s ramblings had been about “discretion
being paramount”, I hadn’t picked it up at the time but he must be worried that I’d start
gossiping about my magic boyfriend. I was offended he thought I was so girly and immature.
So, I had to find a plausible cover story that wouldn’t make me feel like I was disrespecting my
friends and also let them realise how strong our feelings were without embarrassing me. “Our
feelings”; I realised I’d thought our feelings, not my feelings. I drifted away from my train of
thought into a dreamy reverie on how strange it was to know that he loved me as much as I
loved him; to be us, not just me.
“Kate! Wake up!” Emma nudged me. “You’ve been like this all day, what’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing.”
“Did he call?” Chloe was studying me carefully.
“Who?”
“Charlie?”
“Charlie The Cad? He’s not going to call me, we know that.”
“Something’s happened. Don’t you think, Emm?” This was my chance, but I bottled it.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I pretended to be looking for something in my bag.
“You’re blushing” said Emma. “Look Chlo, Kate’s got a secret!”
“Did you see her at the weekend?”
“We went shopping Saturday, she wasn’t like this then. Did you see her yesterday?” They were
talking as if I wasn’t there.
“I’ve left my pencil case somewhere.” Rummaging in my bag had actually turned out useful.
“Yeah right.”
“Look.” I held the bag out to Emma, pulling the handles apart so that she could see inside. “It’s
not there, I must have left it in the lab. I’ll have to go back and get it”
“You're not getting out of it that easily Kate. We’ll wait for you outside.” Emma called after me
as I retreated down the corridor.
This was good, I told myself as I walked out of school. I wanted to tell them and now I had
an opening. In fact I had no choice, Emma wouldn’t let this go. I’d feel better once they knew. I
looked round the car park but I couldn’t see them. They weren’t in the crowd hanging round
the gates, and I was thinking maybe I’d walked past them, when I saw them on the other side
of the road talking to Tick. He winked at me over Emma’s head as I froze. Waiting for a gap in
the traffic, I hoped he hadn’t seen my horror when I first spotted him. I walked calmly over
and smiled up at him, wondering what to say.
“Did you find it? Your pencil case? They said you’d gone back for it?”
“Oh, yes thanks.” Silence as everyone tried to assess the situation. His eyes were dancing as he
looked at me, I wondered what Chloe and Emma had said.
95
“Can I walk with you?” He looked round, including everyone in the request. We all looked at
each other, no-one taking responsibility for saying yes. The situation was ridiculous and I lost
patience with it. Ignoring the look on Emma’s face I took his hand in mine and started walking.
The others walked behind us, I could hear Chloe shushing Emma.
“Am I your guilty secret?” He was laughing at me as I blushed.
“Sorry about that, I couldn’t work out how to tell them.” I brushed my cheek against the side of
his arm, ignoring the sounds from behind us.
“I can’t walk you all the way home, I’m on a tight schedule. I came to keep my promise.”
I didn’t understand at first, then I remembered. “You’re going away?”
“And coming back.”
“How long for?”
“Not very long. A few days, maybe a week.”
“Is it dangerous?” I tried to keep my voice light.
“Shouldn’t be.” He kissed the top of my head. “Don’t worry,” he murmured, “I’ll always come
back to you.” The warm swell of my heart from his touch soothed the cold lump in my
stomach. I squeezed his hand as hard as I could and he stroked his thumb comfortingly over
the back of mine.
“I have to go. I think you and your friends are going to have a lot to talk about.” He grinned
wickedly as he let go of my hand, gave Emma and Chloe a friendly wave, then sprinted back
down the road.
“But you don’t like him!” I could feel myself going red.
“Emma’s right. You always said he was weird and he didn’t like you. You definitely didn’t like
him.”
“What’s going on?” Emma was bouncing with frustration.
“I…I don’t know. It changed.”
“Obviously. What happened?”
A couple of year sevens squeezed past us. “This is useless” said Chloe. “Back to mine? Mine’s
nearest.”
“And then you tell us everything.” Emma sounded positively fierce.
“Okay, but can it wait till we get there?” I’d suddenly realised that Emma and Chloe weren’t the
only people looking at me. Loads of people knew Tick through the shop, and lots of them had
flirted with him without getting anywhere. This was obviously hot news and I wanted to get
away.
At Chloe’s I stretched out on the sofa, eating a biscuit. “This is definitely the best house.
Emma has The Worm and I have my dad, but no-one bothers us here.”
“What’s wrong with your dad?” asked Emma laughing.
“He tells jokes and he sings.” I put a much loathing into the last word as I could.
“I like your dad, he’s funny, but stop trying to distract me. How did we get from weird and
freaky to let me rest my head on your broad shoulder?” I’d decided to follow the first rule of
lying; tell as much truth as possible and very little else.
“I met him unexpectedly on Saturday when I left you and we talked for ages, then on Sunday
he came round and asked if I wanted to go the pictures. In the end we didn’t, we just went for a
walk. Then he kissed me and, well that’s it really.”
“I need more details. What happened?” Emma wanted to know.
Chloe laughed. “Look at you. You’re so loved up.”
“Am I?” I tried to sound off-hand.
“Oh yeah. You’ve got that glow. When you said “he kissed me” your eyes went all soft. You,” she
announced dramatically, “are in love.” I shrugged, blushing.
“Just like that?” asked Emma. “In one day?”
“Kate hasn’t said anything bad about Tick for ages” said Chloe shrewdly.
“You’re right. I hadn’t noticed. Have you been nursing a secret crush?” Emma was hurt. “Why
didn’t you tell us anything?”
“It wasn’t like that, there wasn’t anything to tell.”
96
“What about him? He’s been working with you for ages. Why did he make a move now? What
changed?”
“I don’t know.”
“It’s that girl” announced Emma. “You remember when he took us shopping and I….anyway,
then. He was nursing a broken heart. His feelings for you crept up on him without him
realising, it happens all the time in books.”
“This isn’t a book” Chloe reminded her.
“Well it obviously happens in real life too or they wouldn’t put it in books. Kate was just
carried away by the strength of his feelings.”
“Just like that? He must be a very good kisser.”
Emma chortled. “Look at her face! I think he must be!”
“Emma! Shut up!” I burned with furious embarrassment as they fell about laughing.
I was glad they knew. It hadn’t been too bad and I hadn’t had to lie. Although they wanted to
know more they didn’t press too hard, and it felt good to be discussing Tick with my friends. I
even showed them the bracelet he’d made for me, which I’d never thought I’d do. I pointed out
his grandmother’s bead and they were suitably impressed. When I told them about him
picking me up with an umbrella rather than a car so that it took longer to take me home,
Emma’s eyes grew round.
“He’s so romantic” she breathed, gazing at me with awe. “You’re so lucky Kate. And he came
and met you from school, even though he only saw you for about five minutes.”
“Lucky for us he did,” laughed Chloe, “or Kate would still be keeping him secret.”
“I wasn’t keeping him secret, I just hadn’t told you yet.”
“Why not? When Chlo started going out with Matt we couldn’t get her to shut up about him.”
Chloe was indignant. “That’s not fair!”
“Yes it is” I said. “I wanted to tell you but it wouldn’t come out. I didn’t know what to say, I
didn’t think you’d believe me.”
“Because you were always rude about him. You said he had freaky eyes. Bet you don’t think his
eyes are freaky now” said Chloe. I laughed and shrugged.
“But you’re not going to go weird on us now are you?” Emma wanted to know.
“Weird?”
“Now that you’re so mushy in love, you won’t start avoiding us? Or drifting round all dreamy
like you were today?”
“If I do tell me, and I’ll stop.”
“Deal.”
“Wait till we get to school tomorrow. Everyone saw you, they’ll all be so jealous” said Chloe.
“Ugh! I don’t think I can face it.”
“Don’t you want everyone to know that you’ve bagged the hottest boy? The one they all tried
for and couldn’t get?” asked Emma, mystified.
“Including you” pointed out Chloe.
“Exactly. If it was me I’d be so smug.”
“Maybe a little bit” I admitted.
“Will he meet you again tomorrow?”
“No, he’s away for a couple of days.” I said as if it was the most normal thing, steeling myself
for Emma’s barrage of questions.
“When he gets back, get him to pick you up from school. Then we can watch everyone
watching you, it’ll be awesome.” She didn’t ask where he’d gone or why, obviously my freaky
weird boy’s other life was still invisible.
97
I dreamed that I was sitting on long grass,
leaning my back against a rough stone wall. The wall was warm, returning the day’s heat
from the sun that was smearing itself into a flaming horizon. I flexed my shoulders, getting
more comfortable, then I plucked a handful of grass and flowers from one of the bunches that
tufted up against the wall. I spread them on the palm of my hand, gently blowing the grass
away, then carefully selecting one of the flowers. I lifted the chosen bloom by its stem and
examined it carefully. For a very long time I concentrated hard on the golden flower, turning it
so that I could see it from every angle. I examined the small hairs on its sturdy stem and the
fine, translucent veins running up the silky petals that cupped the dusty pollen. I placed it
precisely in the palm of my hand then folded the other hand gently over the top. Moving
carefully I lifted my hands to my mouth and, taking a deep breath, blew steadily into the gap
between my fingers.
98
Man cannot live by root vegetables alone
I woke up. It was the middle of the night, but I thought I’d heard someone call me. My hands
were cupped together as they had been in my dream, when I moved them a yellow flower fell
on my pillow. I blinked in the dim light coming through my curtains then grabbed for my
bedside light. I hadn’t imagined it, I was wide awake and the flower I’d dreamed of was sitting
in front of my astonished eyes. I picked it up carefully, it was exactly as it had been in the
dream, same glossy petals and hairy stem. I propped myself against the headboard, mimicking
the position I (Tick?) had sat in in my dream, and turning the flower in my fingers exactly as (I
had to assume) I’d seen him do. If I had seen Tick then the place he was, wherever it was,
didn’t feel dangerous. And he had time to send me flowers. I stared at the flower for ages until
I started to get sleepy then, afraid that I might accidentally squash it, put it carefully on my
bedside table.
A small glass of water kept the flower alive beside my bed. Every night, as I went to sleep
looking at it, I concentrated hard on Tick, hoping to dream of him again, but nothing
happened. Two, three, four nights passed and the petals started to droop. My heart drooped
with them despite my best efforts. He’d said he could be away for a week, there was nothing
for me to worry about, but I did. The dream was fading. If I concentrated hard I could
remember the peaceful dusk, the warmth of the country wall, but I was no longer confident
that I wasn’t making it up, using my imagination to fill the disappearing gaps.
By the fifth night all the unknowns of our relationship had taken over, my thoughts chasing
each other round and round as I fidgeted restlessly. I didn’t know what Tick was doing, or
where he was doing it. Was he fighting? Should I worry about him not being able to come back
to me? He’d promised that he would, but a promise is easy to make, impossible for me to judge
how easy to keep. I believed he would come back, at worst he’d be delayed (hurt?- don’t think
about that!). But what would happen when he moved somewhere else? The situation was
flexible, he’d said, no-one knew how long he’d be in my world. What would happen then? Now
I regretted all that wasted time spent kissing when I should have been interrogating him,
adding to my pitiful handful of hard facts. Then maybe my skin wouldn’t be crawling with
anxiety.
When I went to work I didn’t ask Jasper anything. I was determined to show him that Tick
and I could make it work; I couldn’t run to him for reassurance the first time I was left on my
own. I was trying very hard to keep bright; I didn’t want to mope round school like one of
Emma’s romantic heroines, but it was getting harder and harder. The walk between school and
home was always my lowest point. Keeping track of all the gossip, and being interested, was
tiring me; plus I had to concentrate hard in class or my mind wandered. Once I got home I
could lie on my bed and look at the fading flower until I’d gathered enough energy to face the
parents, but after Emma had left me my bag got heavier and heavier as I dragged it up the hill.
Sometimes Mum or Dad would get out of school early and be there when I opened the door,
smiling brightly and asking me about my day.
Mum’s car was in the drive and I opened the door extra quietly, hoping to sneak upstairs
without her noticing me. I was halfway up when she called me. I wanted to ignore it, but
decided it would be quicker to put my head into the kitchen, plead tiredness, and escape. As I
walked down I straightened my shoulders then realised I didn’t have to bother if I was telling
her I was tired. We met in the hall; she’d come to find me as I hadn’t answered her.
“Are you alright?” she asked.
“Bit tired, I was just going up for a collapse. I’ll be down later.”
“Long day at school? Do you want a cup of tea?”
“No thanks.”
“What about a glass of orange?”
I kept calm. “Maybe later, I’ll be down again soon.”
“Are you sure?” She was laughing at me but I couldn’t work out why. “Come and get some
orange juice, I think it will perk you up.” She ignored my sigh and went back into the kitchen,
99
just assuming that I’d follow her. I nearly didn’t, I was scowling as I walked through the door
into Tick’s sunny smile.
I stopped dead, throwing Mum a suspicious look. Did she know I’d been waiting for him?
“Are you sure you don’t want a drink” she asked me. I took the carton of juice and a glass to the
table. “I told Tick you wouldn’t be long, but you were later than I expected. Never mind, I’ve
been entertaining him while he waited.” Tick leant his chin on one hand, following Mum with
his eyes while his other hand slowly slid up the outside of my leg below the level of the table.
“We’ve been discussing Jasper’s birthday” said Mum as my breath whooshed from my lungs
and juice splashed everywhere. He took the carton from my trembling hand and filled the
glass as I sat heavily on the nearest chair. “We usually do something for him, he hasn’t got any
family, and you’re never too old to celebrate your birthday. But I don’t know what to do.”
“I think your idea was a good one” said Tick.
“Do you think so?” She was pleased. “Not a big dinner party, just a few interesting people
round for supper.” Tick was still watching her, drawing his finger through the juice. “Would you
come?” she asked him.
“Of course.” He tapped absent-mindedly on the table, and I glanced down. Written in glistening
orange were the words “I love you”. I looked up but he was still following Mum round the
kitchen. His palm splashed down into the juice, running the letters into each other as she came
over with a cloth.
“Honestly Kate, you’re so clumsy.” I grinned into his dancing eyes as Mum fussed round him
with her cloth, tutting about me spilling it on his hand.
“Why don’t you two go into the front room, watch some television or something” she
suggested. “Are you staying for tea Tick?”
“That would be great, thank you.”
He followed me into the sitting room, shutting the door behind him and leaning on it as he
drew me into his arms.
“I missed you” I whispered as he pulled me against him. His arms were firm against my back. I
looked up into his eyes; they weren’t laughing now and I forgot all about Mum in the next
room as his mouth met mine. His kiss was gentle, but I could feel the urgency behind the
tender touch. My mouth opened under the pressure of his lips and his tongue slid in to meet
mine. I pushed my mouth hard against his as I leaned my whole body into him. He slid his
hands round my neck to my jaw and moved my head gently backwards as his mouth pulled
from mine. His arms fell away from me and he placed his palms flat against the door, breathing
deeply as he pressed his head and shoulders against the wood, his eyes still shut. I stretched
up to drop a light kiss on the tip of his nose then went to put the T.V. on.
He joined me on the sofa, grinning. “I missed you too, you may have noticed.”
“Mmmm.” I ruffled his hair as he stretched himself out, his head on my lap. “Can you tell me
about where you went?” I asked.
“It’s not secret, but it’s very boring.”
“It looked pretty.”
“Did you see it, that’s interesting. What did you see?”
“Not much, you were concentrating on the flower.”
“Did you get it? I wasn’t sure if it would work.”
“When you blew into your hands I woke up and I was holding it.”
“Really? That’s better than anything I was hoping for.”
“It was amazing, I opened my hands and it fell onto my pillow.”
He put his hand up and twirled a strand of my hair round and round his finger. “Could you feel
what I was thinking?”
“No, I could only see what you were doing. I was looking out of your eyes but it felt as if it was
me. What were you thinking?”
He smiled up at me. “Guess.” I narrowed my eyes thoughtfully.
“Were you wondering what to have for dinner?” He shook his head, laughing. “Were you
thinking that the grass needed cutting?” He frowned, still laughing. “I give up then, I’ve no idea
100
what you might have been thinking.”
He tugged gently on my hair. “I was thinking how much I loved the irritating human, and how
much I missed her. Even though she’s deliberately stupid when she’s fishing for me to tell her
what she already knows.”
He looked up at me as I gently stroked my finger along his forehead and across his cheek,
wondering if I’d ever be so used to the glint of the gold flecks in his deep green eyes that I
wouldn’t notice how beautiful they were. He sat up quickly, crossing his legs and looking at the
television. Dad opened the door.
“Oh, hello Tick, I didn’t know you were here. What are you watching?”
“Music videos.”
“Okay then, I’ll leave you to it. Kate, don’t forget your homework.”
“No, Dad.”
“Good, good. I wonder what’s for tea.” He drifted out again.
Tick lay back down. “I wonder what is for tea?”
“Are you hungry? Don’t get your hopes up; she’s on a vegetarian kick at the moment.”
“I didn’t know Anne was a vegetarian.” His disgusted face made me giggle.
“She isn’t, but someone lent her a vegetarian cook-book and she keeps making stuff out of it.
Some of them are all right, but some have been very odd. We might be all right, but perhaps
you’d rather go home for tea?”
“No, I’ll stay here with you. All evening if I can get away with it. This last week felt like a
month.”
Tick wasn’t the only one watching Mum with apprehension as we sat at the table. Dad eyed
the oven suspiciously.
“What have we got tonight?” he asked.
“Leek surprise” announced Mum.
“That sounds nice” he said weakly.
“The surprise is………….,” Mum pulled something out of the oven triumphantly, “that there’s no
leeks in it.” She put a tray of pork chops in the middle of the table and went back for the
vegetables.
“They smell nice” said Dad.
“Are you sure you’re not disappointed? I thought you were looking forward to leek surprise.”
“Well, I’m sure it would have been delicious.”
“Really?”
“Of course.” He was shovelling onion gravy out of the pan with obvious pleasure. “Those
parsnips you gave us yesterday were …..” he gave up.
“Interesting? I think that’s what you said.”
“I’m sorry Anne. We did our best but, Kate will back me up on this, man cannot live by root
vegetables alone.”
“Woman definitely can’t.” I forked a chop onto my plate and offered one to Tick. “I like
vegetarian food, but some of the recipes in that book are just loopy.”
“What about you Tick?” asked Mum. “What’s your stand on vegetarian meals?”
“I’m a carnivore” he said, so firmly that it made me want to laugh.
“It’s Jasper’s birthday next week. I was thinking I might invite some people round for a meal.
What do you think?”
Dad twisted his mouth, eyes wary. “A dinner party?”
“No! More casual than that. Tick thinks it’s a good idea.”
“Who are you going to invite?” asked Dad.
“How many can we fit round the table? There’ll be you, me, Kate…”
“You want me there?”
“Of course. Jasper’s practically family, you can make the effort for him.”
“That’s right” said Tick. “He’s always saying that you’re like a daughter to him.” I nearly
choked; he looked at me, his face open and innocent.
“Tick will be there” said Mum as if that settled it. I caught her and Dad exchanging an amused
101
look. Was none of my life private?
“You’re going?” I asked him.
“He said so earlier, in the kitchen” said Mum.
“I think you were a bit distracted.” He gave me a smug grin that I really hoped Mum and Dad
wouldn’t pick up on.
“That’s settled then. What shall I cook?”
I let the menu planning slide over my head as I finished eating. Dad made coffee and, while
we were drinking it, explained to Tick the principles behind organic gardening. Tick nodded
occasionally, he rarely needed to say anything, Dad was on a roll. I was happy to sit watching
him; whenever he lifted his arm I studied the movement of his sleek muscles beneath his Tshirt. Eventually Dad ran out of steam and said he’d better start loading the dishwasher.
“I’ll help.” Tick stood, a picture of good manners. “Thank you for the meal Anne, it was
delicious.” I started clearing the table.
“Haven’t you got homework?” asked Dad.
“I haven’t got much, I’ll give you a hand here.”
“Are you sure, I thought you were allergic to the dishwasher. Well, it obviously doesn’t need
three of us, I’ll leave you two to it.” He mooched off, looking amused. Mum muttered something
about the computer and followed him. Tick and I grinned at each other then began moving
plates and bowls.
“After we’ve finished I’d better go. I mustn’t interfere with your homework.” I pulled a face,
making him laugh. “I don’t want to be considered a bad influence.”
“When will I see you again?”
“I don’t know exactly, but soon. I’ve got a lot to keep me busy, but I’ll definitely find some time
during the week. Even if I could spend every spare minute with you I wouldn’t be allowed to,
Jasper doesn’t want me to frighten your parents”
“Frighten them?”
“He says they’ll be concerned if they think you’re in an intense relationship. If we’re suddenly
inseparable he thinks they’ll freak.”
“Like he is, you mean?”
Tick laughed. “Don’t mock Jasper, you know you’re like a daughter to him.” As I giggled he
grabbed my waist and pulled me towards him, I stood happily in the loose circle of his arms.
“He is genuinely concerned about you. He means well.” The eyes that looked down at me were
serious. “We need his approval, or at least his grudging acceptance, or this could all get too
difficult.” My laughter died. When I was with him everything seemed so easy. I realised that,
impossible though it felt, all the disbelief and anger had only been a week ago. Jasper was still
“monitoring the situation”. Tick folded his arms in the small of my back, closing the gap
between us so that my head was on his chest.
“Don’t look so worried” he said. “Everything is going to be fine as long as I follow all the rules.”
I wrapped my arms tight round him. “Make sure you do then. I don’t want to lose you now.”
“I would never let that happen. Now I’m going to say goodbye to your parents very politely,
and you’re going to see me out then get on with your homework. Would it be acceptable to
kiss you in the porch when I leave?”
“As long as they’re not watching. I suspect they’ll be expecting it.”
He raised his eyebrows, making me giggle. “Jasper says I must be very careful to behave as
Dave and Anne would expect.
As I hurried along the High Street I remembered all the other times I'd gone to work
wondering if Tick would be there. This time I knew he was there and I knew he was waiting
for me. I just hoped Ryan wouldn't tease me too much. Tick was frying when I walked in, his
face lit up when he saw me.
“Hey” he said.
I smiled back. “Hey.” Hannah grinned at me as I lifted the counter, and I hurried into the back
room. We didn’t talk much to each other, but I was always aware of him behind me. I
remembered him saying I’d distract him and make him set fire to something, and had to bite
102
back a giggle. When we all had a cup of tea he came round to the counter and stood so close
beside me that we were nearly touching. I leaned my shoulder against him as I talked to
Hannah.
We were busy when Jasper arrived. He disappeared into the back room for a while, when he
came out he didn’t go through the counter to his table but stood by the fryer, talking quietly to
Tick. I couldn’t see them, I was busy with customers, but I could feel the tension behind me.
Hannah didn’t show any sign of noticing anything so I pretended I didn’t either. It was a long
time before Jasper made himself a drink and sat at his table, he spread a newspaper out but I
could see he wasn’t really reading it. I looked at him curiously as he folded the paper so that I
could wipe the table at the end of the evening, but his smile was just the same as usual, his
eyes were calm and friendly. I didn’t let that fool me, something was happening. Tick also
looked calm and happy as he handed me my coat.
“I said I’d run Kate home” he told Jasper. “I won’t be long.” He took my hand and we left.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“Nothing.” I stopped dead and looked at him. “What?” his impatience was badly hidden.
“I know there’s something going on, don’t lie to me.”
“It’s not important, I’ll tell you in the car.” He hustled me along, when we were driving I asked
again.
He sighed. “Jasper and I have to secure the doorways, it’s really nothing for you to worry
about.”
“Jasper looked worried.”
“No, I think you imagined that.”
I was getting cross. “I know what I saw, stop lying.”
We travelled in silence, me still glaring at him. When he spoke his voice was quiet.
“I’m sorry Kate, can we start again? Jasper thinks that something may be trying to enter this
world. He and I have to make sure that it can’t get through. I’m sorry that I was impatient, you
were right, Jasper was getting stressed and it rubbed off on me. I had intended to speak to you
on the way home because closing everything is complicated and it will need a lot of
monitoring. Although I’ll be around I probably won’t be able to see you much, I was going to
explain so that you didn’t worry.”
“What sort of something?”
“Something we don’t want here. Don’t let Jasper’s mood affect you Kate, there’s nothing to
worry about. He’s only put out because it’s going to take up so much of his time.”
“How long will it take?”
“I don’t know.” He flashed me a quick smile as one hand left the steering wheel to brush
against my leg. “Not too long, I hope.”
I smiled back. “So do I.” We’d arrived at my house. I stroked his cheek before I got out of the
car.
“Be careful” I said.
“I told you, there’s nothing to be careful about.”
He blew me a kiss through the windscreen as he turned the car round. I stood staring at the
tail lights as they disappeared down the road. I knew Tick was still lying to me about at least
one thing. Although he thought he’d hidden it from me, I knew that he was worried.
103
I know where I want to go
“I wish you’d keep your PMT to yourself” snapped Emma.
“What're you talking about?”
“All the way home you’ve been getting snippier and snippier.”
“Snippy?”
“First you had a go at Chloe when she said Tick hadn’t been round much, now you’re full of
opinions about me and Dan.”
“All I said was that you prefer to be with him and other people, you don’t spend much time just
the two of you.”
“So? We can’t all be Romeo and Juliet. Not that there’s much sign of your Romeo, maybe he’s
got bored with you all ready.”
“Like you’re bored with Dan?”
“I’m not bored, that’s a horrible thing to say.” She sounded like she was trying to convince
herself rather than me.
“I just think that maybe you like the idea of having a boyfriend rather than the actual
boyfriend himself.”
“I can’t believe you said that.” Neither could I.
“I’m sorry Emm.”
“No you’re not, you’re just frightened I’ll stop talking to you. Then you’ll be stuck on your own
with a boyfriend who hardly ever bothers to turn up.”
“That’s not the way it is.”
“Really?” She swung into her front garden, slamming the gate hard behind her. I called her
name but she wouldn’t turn round.
I walked the rest of the way home trying not to cry. Maybe I had been snippy, I did feel edgy.
It had been stupid to react when Chloe was talking about Tick. I knew what was really going
on, I shouldn’t have drawn attention to it like that. Up to now they’d both accepted Tick
coming and going, what if I’d broken whatever magic kept his work unnoticed? I really hoped
that whatever he was doing would be finished soon, I’d barely seen him over the last two
weeks and I missed him terribly. How was I going to fix it with Emma? She was right, I needed
my friends to keep me sane as Tick drifted in and out of my life. At least it was Friday, if I left
her to cool down over the weekend it might be okay on Monday morning. I hoped I hadn’t
upset Chloe too, all I needed was for them to spend the weekend together talking about how
unreasonable I’d been. Although I knew I was totally in the wrong, I found it hard not to get
mad at them when I thought about it. All evening I got grumpier and grumpier. I hated Mum’s
understanding patience even more than Dad snapping back. When I couldn’t bear it any longer
I went to bed. It was early but I didn’t care, I felt as if everything was pushing in on me, I was
vibrating with an irrational tension that I couldn’t understand and couldn’t work out how to
cope with.
I was suddenly awake. Wide eyed and listening. I scanned the dim shadows trying to work
out what had woken me. Everything looked normal. The clock said six thirty, why wasn’t I
sleeping? I lay still, trying to remember my dreams; maybe they had caused this feeling of
vigilance. I couldn’t remember any dreams, not even the usual snippets of rubbish. Rolling
onto my side I shut my eyes, but there was no way I was going to get back to sleep. I felt coiled,
ready for action, but for no apparent reason. I gave up and went downstairs, took a cup of tea
and a packet of biscuits into the sitting room and turned on the television. I didn’t know
whether it was my mood or just the rubbish on offer that early, but I couldn’t concentrate on
the screen. Flicking through the channels I settled on a re-run of a comedy and ripped open
the biscuit packet.
When Dad came downstairs I was walking round and round the room aimlessly.
“You alright?” he asked.
I stopped pacing. “Yes, I just woke up early.”
“Cup of tea?” I shook my head. Dad went to the kitchen; I turned the television off and went
104
upstairs. Back in my room, I started moving things pointlessly from place to place. After a
while I thought that I might as well move things with a purpose and started tidying. I threw
myself at it manically. When I had put everything where it belonged I vacuumed the entire
carpet, even moving things so that I could get into the corners. I cleaned my shelves and all
their contents. When I had finished I looked round with no feeling of satisfaction. The strange,
alert edginess hadn’t been chased away by action, I still felt as if I was trying to monitor the
whole world. I had felt slightly better while I was busy, so I went downstairs to see if there
were any jobs I could do for Mum or Dad.
“Honestly Kate, what’s wrong with you today?” snapped Mum when I dropped my third
plate. I bent to pick it up, checking the edge for chips.
“I don’t know, I just feel jittery, kind of edgy for no reason.”
Mum gave me a sympathetic smile. “Hormones can be such a pain,” she said. It didn’t feel
anything like that, but I couldn’t explain. “Why don’t you go for a walk?” she suggested. As
soon as she said it, it was what I wanted. I grabbed my coat and left. I walked fast, not really
caring which direction I was taking. When it started raining I just shrugged my hood up
without breaking pace. Moving felt better. My eyes and ears still felt sensitive and raw but the
horrible feeling of expectation wasn’t so strong. The rain was coming down harder but I didn’t
mind, I lengthened my steps; striding heedlessly into the weather with my head tucked down
and my hands in my pockets. Movement was definitely the answer. I felt I was regaining
control of myself, no longer buffeted by the tension but riding it.
When it stopped raining I barely registered the difference. My urgent pace slowed to a
steady plod and I eventually stopped and pushed my hood back, amazed at how far I’d come. I
tried to work out how long I’d been walking for, but I had no idea. I was right at the edge of
town looking over a hedge at fields sloping away from me. The sky hung low over the land,
heavy with unshed rain. Hunching my shoulders, I pushing my hands further into my pockets,
the foreboding threatening to envelop me again. Then I realised where I’d been heading all the
time. The tension washed from me as I set off down the lane to the Sleeping Ladies. The
hedgerows I passed sagged as the water dragged the leaves towards the sodden ground. No
sun could break through the heavy cloud to make the raindrops sparkle, they drooped grey
then dropped, shattering as they landed. I felt amazingly better now that I had a purpose,
striding forward in the overcast light between the sombre bushes and the jagged stubbly
fields. No cars passed me; the road was wrapped in absolute stillness. When I stopped and
looked round there were no birds, nothing stirred in the fields. I moved on, pushing through
the blanket of silence which stretched between the threatening sky and the soaked ground.
My pace slowed, each step shorter than the last, until I found myself at a standstill. I
frowned and started up again. A small voice whispered in the back of my mind, suggesting that
I was going in the wrong direction, that I needed to turn round. I ignored it; I knew where I
was going. I concentrated on my walking, running a mantra through my head to keep my pace
even. “Nearly there, nearly there,” I muttered to myself as I stomped my feet firmly on the
road. It felt as if I was climbing a steep hill, my breath coming in short gasps as I forced myself
forwards. I closed my eyes briefly and suddenly everything was easy again. I’d taken five steps
before I realised I’d turned round and was now striding back down the few yards I had fought
so hard to gain.
I stopped and tried to think, sitting on the wet tarmac and putting my head in my hands.
Concentrated on what had just happened. Forced the fuzziness from my brain. The little voice
in the back of my mind had stopped now. I stood and faced the direction of the Sleeping
Ladies. A feeling of wrongness came over me, a suspicion that there was something important
that I needed to do in the other direction. I turned round and everything felt right, I had to
stop myself taking a step forward. “Jasper” I muttered to myself. This must be Jasper keeping
people away from the stones. Ignoring the pressure on the back of my head I spun back round,
the niggling feeling starting again.
“I know where I want to go and magic doesn’t affect me.” I spoke firmly to the empty road and
the feeling evaporated. Feeling a bit smug I started off again at an easy pace down the gently
105
sloping lane.
It took about ten steps before I asked myself why Jasper was keeping everyone away from
the stones, and another five for me to realise the implications. “Tick!” I gasped aloud. If
something was happening at the stones then Tick must be there. Everything made sense now,
it was his tension I was experiencing, I should have realised before. I started running, arms
flapping, hair streaming. I couldn’t keep it up and stumbled to a halt, bent over by a stitch. I
drew in deep ragged breaths and tried to remember what Tick had said the other day. It was
frighteningly vague. Something might be trying to get through to our world. It was a bad thing
and Tick was worried. My ignorance set my teeth on edge. Pulling myself upright I set off again
for the stones, walking as fast as I could. Trying not to break into a run whenever I thought of
him facing down a mysterious something. I told myself I was getting hysterical over nothing.
Tick wouldn’t be alone, he would have called in the rest of his unit. Jasper would be there. I
tried to think of Jasper as a powerful being who could help Tick, but it didn’t work. To me he
was still just Jasper. I hurried on, my breathing rough and my side still hurting.
I stumbled into the empty car park and stopped dead. Now that I was here I realised what a
stupid thing I might be doing. I sat on the soggy grass and waited to get my breath back. There
was a band in my pocket and I tied my hair back while I wondered what I should do now.
There was no sound, maybe no-one was here and Jasper’s protective screen was just a
precaution. If Tick or Jasper weren’t here should I be here at all? Jasper had gone to a lot of
trouble to keep people away from the stones, what if I’d just fought my way into danger? I
considered going straight home, but I knew I wasn’t going to do that. There was no way I could
leave without at least checking that nothing was happening here. My feet sounded so loud as I
crossed the car park I instinctively ducked. I sidled up the grass bank and peered into the dip.
Tick and Jasper were both there but they didn’t notice me. The atmosphere of tense
concentration hit me like a wall; I stood still and tried to make sense of what I was seeing. Tick
had his back to me on the far side of the stones, alert and poised, his knife was in one hand and
in the other a long black stick hung loosely. At first I couldn’t see the focus of his attention. I
peered past him at the trees on the far side of the circle and realised that they looked wrong. It
was like looking through a heat haze, the colours were off and everything was slightly out of
focus. Tick was gazing intently at this shimmer, balanced easily on the balls of his feet like a
tennis player waiting for a serve.
Jasper crouched on the ground, his long dark coat spread out behind him. He was fiddling
with one of the strange instruments he’d arranged on the grass. Most of them were odd squat
combinations of metal and wood, the metal dull in the overcast light. The ones that caught my
eye were crazy twisting intestines of glass which glowed and sparkled at their centres. Jasper
leaned over and flicked one of these; the colours raced round the tubes, changing from pink to
deep purple, and he muttered something. Tick nodded. He didn’t take his eyes from the faint
thickening of air which hung at head height in front of him. I took a step backwards, all the
apprehension I’d been feeling earlier falling back round me like a suffocating blanket. There
was no way I could go down the slope to them. Whatever was happening was taking all their
concentration and it was obvious that I shouldn’t be here.
I was held by the atmosphere in the circle of trees, unable to leave, dreading what I might
see if I stayed. Sitting, I pulled my legs up to my chest without taking my eyes from the tense
tableau below me. Time passed slowly. Tick never moved, his focus unchanging. Jasper worked
with his strange machines, occasionally saying something quietly to Tick. Tick would nod and
flex his shoulders or move a foot slightly. The flaw in the air was more obvious now, hanging
under the bruised sky like a translucent bladder of nothingness. Tick watched it carefully.
Faint pink lines started to coil slowly in the shimmering haze before lacing themselves round
the edges like veins. Tick murmured something and Jasper frowned then pulled a device from
his pocket and examined it. I hugged my wet coat round me, digging my hands deep into my
pockets for warmth. As the red veins started to move Tick rocked slightly on his feet, keeping
time with the faint pulsing of the sphere in front of him. The movement became more obvious,
the red network expanding and contracting rhythmically as the space inside grew darker.
106
A sudden tearing noise, startlingly loud in the concentrated silence. A sharp point ripped
out from the base of the sac. Tick was motionless as a silver knife held in a dark hand slowly
emerged, water running down the blade and dripping onto the dark grass.
There was a long pause. We all watched the slime streaked fingers wrapped round the knife
while we waited. The hand suddenly clenched and thrust down. A wrist, then a black sleeve,
slithered into view.
Another pause, then a glistening shoulder pushed itself out. The arm flailed violently, the
shoulder gave a twist and there was a head hanging in the air. Dark hair was slicked back from
a face pinched and puckered with effort. The eyes were shut, the mouth twisted in a grimace
of concentration.
In a gasping rush a man dropped onto the ground with a wet slapping noise. He landed on
his side, curled round himself, the arm with the knife curving protectively over his head. Quick
as a whip Tick was standing over him, jabbing at him with his black stick. The man leaped to
his feet, his rough panting loud as he faced Tick. His yellow eyes narrowed and he took a
firmer grip on his knife. The wand was pointing at his chest now. He flinched from its touch,
muttering under his breath. Tick stepped towards him and he backed away, stumbling on the
grass. Tick pressed forward, light and agile. Regaining his balance the man feinted to one side
but Tick was too quick for him, hemming him in with the hated stick. The man roared with
frustration and dived sideways. Jasper leaped up, huge in his black coat. He threw a handful of
dust at the growling face, shouting loudly in a language I didn’t know.
The man cowered from the dark figure towering over him. His head darted from side to side
desperately. Tick leaped forward, bringing his knife up. The frantic gaze of the doomed man
flitted over Tick’s shoulder and landed on me. His eyes widened and he licked his lips. The pus
coloured eyes held mine. I couldn’t look away from the ravenous face. Tick glanced briefly over
his shoulder; he saw me and froze for a second. That fractional distraction was all the black
clad man needed. He was out under Tick’s arm and away. Tick gave an animal snarl and
followed, both figures disappearing into the dark trees.
Jasper's furious face bore little resemblance to the Jasper I knew. Massive, his black coat
swirled as he swung away from me and started franticly throwing his equipment into a large
bag.
“Don’t just sit there!” he snapped over his shoulder. “As you’re here you might as well do
something useful.” I struggled to my feet, trying not to cry. I was stiff from sitting so tense for
so long, but I hurried to Jasper and helped him gather up his equipment. As the last piece was
dropped into the bag he started running out of the circle of trees. I followed him to the car
park as quickly as I could. When I’d arrived earlier it had looked empty, but now I could see
Jasper’s car parked by the gate. He flung the bag on the back seat and opened the passenger
door for me, practically slamming it on my leg as I hurried into the car. We pulled away with a
squealing of tyres, racing down the narrow lane frighteningly fast.
I glanced sideways at Jasper, he appeared calmer now and I ventured a question. “What was
that?”
“Skark.” Jasper’s mouth twisted as if the word tasted bad.
“What’s a Skark?”
Jasper scowled. “Filthy parasitic animals.”
“What do they do?”
“They cut out people’s hearts and eat them.” I shuddered, remembering the ravenous look that
had focused on me.
“This one’s hungry. Hungry enough to be very dangerous. Not hungry enough to be weak.”
“What’s Tick going to do?” I asked.
Jasper gave me a surprised look. “He’s going to kill it” he said matter of factly.
We swung into my drive, Jasper leaning across me to open the door before the car had
properly stopped.
“Please stay at home now” he said as I got out. I nodded numbly. The car was already pulling
away as I shut the door.
107
What's the matter Kittycat?
I woke to aching muscles, I had pulled myself into such a tight ball that my arms and legs
were complaining. I stretched and turned over, pulling the quilt up round my face. The Skark’s
hungry snarl was strong in my mind. The red tongue slid repeatedly over the sharp teeth as
my brain replayed the awful few seconds when he had seen me sitting on the grass. I
shuddered and sat up in bed, banishing the image and concentrating on everyday things. The
sun was bright through the window but it was cold. I decided to wear a jumper and jeans,
focusing on finding the right clothes and then brushing my hair. When I looked in the mirror I
saw how the skin round my eyes was tight with worry and my concentration weakened, the
horror of the previous day nearly breaking through. I took a deep breath and turned my
attention to choosing a hair clip, considering them all carefully as if I was going to a party. I got
myself downstairs without becoming an emotional wreck and put on a smile for Mum and
Dad. There was no-one there.
I felt a small pang of fear in the quiet house. The back door was open and I hurried into the
garden, pathetically relieved to see Dad pottering around in the greenhouse. He gave me a grin
and wave and I waved back too energetically.
“Do you want a cup of tea?” I called. He looked surprised but gave me a nod and a thumbs up. I
took out tea for both of us and found a box to sit on in the doorway of the greenhouse,
watching Dad as he cleaned the shelves. Jasper had told me to stay home and I was doing what
I was told. Dad gave me a quick glance but didn’t say anything, soon he was deep in his
brushing and spraying, singing an old music hall song. His singing didn’t get on my nerves; it
was calming to be with someone who was so relaxed and happy.
As I watched Dad I thought about Jasper, wondering what Dad would think if he knew his
friend’s secret. The Jasper at the stones had been a revelation. I tried to find the new strong
Jasper comforting, but the idea that my world needed guardians like that was too unsettling. I
envied Dad his ignorance. I didn’t think I could be the same person now that I had seen Tick’s
job for myself. Flinging my thoughts from Tick, impossible to think about him chasing off into
the trees without descending into panic, I concentrated on my cup for a while, swirling the tea
round and looking at the patterns it made as it caught the sun. When I had calmed down I
watched Dad working, focusing on what he was doing, listening to his singing, letting it fill my
mind.
Sitting watching Dad I remembered when I was younger and had loved helping him with his
gardening or fixing things in the house. Loss washed through me; my affection for him, so
accepted that it was usually ignored, thrown into sharp relief by the new knowledge of the
danger in which we unknowingly lived. He looked up and smiled at my serious face.
“Want a job?” he asked me. I made a show of reluctance but took the stack of plant pots he
gave me.
“Make sure they’re totally clean” he warned as he handed me a spray of disinfectant and a
brush. “I don’t want any slap-dash work.” I pretended to scowl at him as I started on the first
pot. He gave me a grin and went back to his shelves. After a while I got into a rhythm and my
mind started to wander. The two things I wanted to happen were contradictory. I wanted the
Skark killed quickly, the idea that something like that could exist in my world was terrifying. It
had to be removed; if the only way was to kill it then it should be done as soon as possible. But
the thought of Tick catching and confronting it was equally terrifying. My mind shied from the
idea of Tick facing that terrible hungry stare. I tried to concentrate on how agile and confident
Tick had looked as he fought the monster, but it didn’t make any difference. The thought of
him being in danger made me feel physically sick.
I told myself that Tick was a soldier, a fighter. This was his job, I reminded myself, he knew
what he was doing. It was no good. My heart contracted into a hard cold ball when I thought of
him fighting that thing. I gave the plant pot I was holding a vicious scrub with the brush and
concentrated on Jasper. The way he had rushed from me meant he had something he had to
do, I had to assume it was something to help Tick. The Jasper I’d seen at the stones was
108
obviously someone with great strength and resources, Tick wouldn’t be alone. “Tick won’t be
alone” I muttered to myself, trying to find some faint comfort in saying the words aloud. Please
let it be over soon, I thought.
I helped Dad in the garden for the rest of the morning. He seemed surprised but grateful,
telling me about the plants and explaining why we had to do the things we were doing, like he
used to when I was young. Eventually he announced that it was lunch time and we went in to
make bacon sandwiches. When I smelt the bacon under the grill I was starving, but after I’d
had a couple of bites I went off it. My stomach didn’t seem to know what to do with the food, it
just sat there heavy and uncomfortable. I fiddled for a while, tearing bits of bread off and
rolling them into pellets then, when Dad wasn’t looking, I dumped the whole mess in the bin
and headed for the computer.
The news website took forever to load. I watched the breaking news scrolling along the top,
not really knowing what I was looking for. It didn’t seem feasible that Jasper could keep it
quiet if the Skark found a victim, but I didn’t know for sure. I didn’t know how often this sort
of thing happened. If it was rare then maybe something like Jack the Ripper was really a Skark,
but covered up by someone like Jasper. I shivered at the thought. It was impossible for things
like that to be wandering round my world preying on us while we lived in happy ignorance.
The urge to pick up my phone and try Jasper’s number was strong, but I resisted it. I
refreshed the page and stared intently at the scrolling banner again. A politician had got
himself into trouble by not paying attention to what he was saying: an actress was getting
divorced – maybe: there’d been an earthquake somewhere abroad: another politician was
saying that he was going to take tough measures about something. All reassuringly boring. But
not really that reassuring. I knew that nothing terrible enough to hit the news had happened,
but I didn’t know what was actually happening. I don’t know how long I’d been sitting
unseeing in front of the computer muttering to myself “Please be safe, please be safe” when a
window popped up in the corner of the screen.
xXSparkliEmmXx has signed in
I glanced at it then refreshed the news website again. The breaking news hadn’t changed. I
watched carefully until it had cycled back to the beginning, but there was nothing new. I was
distracted by a chime.
xXSparkliEmmXx says: please dont ignore me Kate
Another chime.
xXSparkliEmmXx says: don’t be mad with me pleeeeeeeeeeees
I sighed and started typing. “i’m not mad i was busy”
xXSparkliEmmXx says: i’m soooooo sorry still friends?
“corse we are” I’d forgotten all about Friday, it seemed so silly now. I sent another message.
“i’m sorry 2 i was out of order”
xXSparkliEmmXx says:☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺I laughed, the wave of fondness so strong I was nearly
crying. Everyone I knew was vulnerable now, it was unbearable. I started typing a message
then hit backspace till it was all deleted. Emm would think I was going mad.
xXSparkliEmmXx says: can I come round? I wanted to type NO! NO! Never go out of your house
again!!! but I didn’t.
“sorry family stuff happening C U tomorrow at school”
xXSparkliEmmXx says: k x
xXSparkliEmmXx has logged off
Was Chloe at home I wondered? It was too horrible to think of her strolling along the street
with Matt while that thing was still around. If it was still around, maybe Tick had caught it by
now. My heart flipped at the thought of those hungry eyes facing Tick. I rejected the image that
rose so readily and focused on the computer screen. As I reached for the mouse it jumped
from my hand as I suddenly realised. Mum was out! Why hadn’t I thought of this before? I had
no idea where she’d gone; should she be back by now? Tears started as I fought off the panic.
My hand shook as I reached down to pick up the mouse. I put my head in my hands and tried
to stop my muscles jittering. My heart slowed as I concentrated on breathing calmly. Dad
109
would know where Mum was. I rubbed my eyes on my palms; once I’d stopped shaking I’d go
and ask him.
“What’s the matter Kittycat?” Mum was standing in the doorway. Weak with relief I sniffed
hard, my mind racing.
“Emma and I had a row” was the first thing I came up with.
“That’s a shame, what was it about?”
I shrugged, “Nothing really, just stuff. I didn’t hear you come in, where have you been?”
“Just picking some things up, nothing important. Are you all right?”
I sniffed again and tried to smile. “I’m okay, just being silly”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No, it’s just girl stuff, we’ll sort it out.” I blew my nose on the tissue Mum gave me and hoped I
didn’t look as rough as I felt. Mum gave me a long look but decided to leave it.
“I missed lunch, I’m going to sort myself out something to eat, do you want anything?” I shook
my head, why do my parent’s always try to feed me if they think I’m stressed?
“All right then, shout if you change your mind.”
Alone again, I slumped in the chair. My arms and legs felt like their bones had been replaced
with string. When Mum had appeared the urge to run to her and tell her everything had been
so strong. It had taken all my strength to resist it. I hauled myself up to my room, I didn’t have
it in me to act normal any more. I had to hide. Pulling the quilt round me I sat on my bed, my
mind blank and my body flopped like a puppet. My mind didn’t stay blank for long, the thought
that had been squatting at the back, pushed down firmly and fiercely ignored, rose to fill the
empty space. Tears ran down my face and I pulled up the quilt to muffle the sobs, engulfed by
the terrible truth.
Everything was my fault. All the worry I had suffered today was no more than I deserved. It
was my fault that a terrible monster was in our world, my fault that danger had been let loose.
If anything happened to Tick it would be down to me and my stubbornness. Even though I
knew that Jasper was keeping people away I had forced myself through, thinking smugly that I
was being clever. Tick had been distracted by me. The Skark would be dead if I had turned
back.
What if Tick was alone? Jasper had run me home; would he have left Tick if I hadn’t been
there? Jasper said the Skark was hungry; enough to be dangerous, not enough to be weak.
What did that mean? Would he want to eat Tick’s heart? I thought I was going to throw up, but
it faded into a coiling churning feeling in my stomach. I pulled my knees up, shivering.
Perhaps Jasper had a plan. Tick was the warrior, Jasper had other mysterious skills. Maybe
he wouldn’t have followed Tick into the trees anyway, but I didn’t know. Not knowing anything
was the most agonizing part. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. Not that I had any
choice. Whatever happened I wouldn’t find out anything till the end. But when would that be?
A night and nearly a whole day had passed since the monster had escaped, but there was no
sign of Tick or Jasper. I was sure Tick would come to me as soon as it was over, but would
Jasper? I hugged my knees tighter and started rocking. The only reason Jasper would come
and see me instead of Tick would be to tell me Tick was dead.
And if that happened it would be all my fault.
110
Still here little rabbit?
I barely slept that night. Every time I sunk towards deep sleep I’d startle back up to
wakefulness. My thoughts chased round and round, becoming more incoherent as the night
wore on. As soon as the alarm went I hauled myself out of bed, exhaustion dragging me down.
When Mum saw me she hurried over and put her hand on my forehead.
“Are you ill? You look rough.” I shrugged her hand off and tried to smile.
“I’m all right. Really, I’m fine.”
“There’s a lot of bugs going round. Perhaps you should take the day off.” I thought about being
on my own in the empty house and shuddered.
“I’ll be okay once I get going. I didn’t sleep well is all.”
“Well, if you’re sure. Make sure you drink lots of water. I’ll get you a vitamin C tablet.”
I told Emma and Chloe I didn’t feel well. They couldn’t believe I’d come into school, Emma
was particularly scathing. They left me alone though, which was all I wanted. I could just about
function if there were things happening around me to distract me, as long as I didn’t have to
join in. In class I propped my head on one hand and pretended to take notes. Those were the
hardest times. My mind wandered, and I didn’t like any of the places it went. I kept thinking
that coming to school was a mistake. No-one could contact me here, what if Tick was at my
house now? But I knew I couldn’t cope with waiting there in isolation. I would just have to
stick it out here. My only comfort was that I couldn’t feel Tick. I remembered how I’d felt when
he’d first marked me, the way I’d known that he was in danger. Would I feel like that again
when he confronted the Skark? If I did how would I bear it?
At lunchtime I went out of school so that I could turn my phone on. I sat in the park staring
at it. Twice I nearly rang Jasper’s number but I knew that was a stupid thing to do. I’d caused
enough trouble by distracting people. I phoned his landline in case he was back; that shouldn’t
do any harm. I listened to it ring until the answer phone came on then I hung up. I wondered
whether to bother going back into school but where else would I go? Already the empty park
was starting to scare me. I kept staring into the shadowy bushes, or thinking I felt a movement
behind me. School was bright and noisy. It was a small distraction, but I had to get through the
day somehow.
By the end of the afternoon I was too drained to even worry much anymore. I came out of
the gates and looked round hopefully. Maybe he would be waiting for me, waiting to tell me
that everything was all right. No. I gathered my misery round me and started plodding home
through a crowd of girls clogging up the pavement. I tried not to snarl at them as they
excitedly pressed round someone giving out flyers. They were in my way but I just kept
walking, forcing them to move for me. One of the girls shot me an evil look but it meant
nothing to me; I didn’t really notice until I’d already passed her. Then I stopped and registered
what I’d seen. I looked at the girls who were coming away with their leaflets, happily clutching
squares torn from a newspaper. I frowned and shook my head, trying to make it make sense.
The crowd was thinning now and I could see the person at the centre. I stared hard at the tall
man in the shabby black suit, there was something familiar about him. He smiled down at a
girl as she took one of his pieces of paper, his tongue flickered along his lip and my heart
stopped. I thought I was going to fall over. Skark! Here! I watched him carefully, he had the
same bland anonymity that I'd seen in Rez. I focused hard on his face, trying to see what was
really there, hoping my overtired imagination was playing tricks. I realised I was trembling
and took a deep calming breath. It was probably just some arty promotion. I was stressed
beyond belief, my mind wasn’t trustworthy. The he tipped his head and, just for a second, I
saw the eyes that had held mine so terrifyingly at the stones. The image disappeared as
quickly as it had come, but I was certain.
Where were Tick and Jasper? I scoured the street and the park, but there was no sign. I
pushed my way into the crowd and took the offered paper. Most of the girls had moved on, the
ones that stayed were young and they were beaming up at him as if he was Father Christmas.
He suddenly turned and started across the park. Four girls followed him and I tagged along,
111
pulling out my phone. A recorded voice told me that Jasper’s phone was unavailable. I tried his
home phone but that just went onto voicemail again. Tears blurred my vision as I tried to
decide what to do.
He led us down the hill and across the road. He was singing softly.
“Come along now little chickies. Come with me to happy places. Lovely, lovely little chickies.
Follow me.” I tried Jasper again as we followed his tuneless crooning. The young girls were all
trotting along happily, squares of newspaper still clutched in their hands. He took us to the
empty ground by the river. I looked round in despair. I couldn’t leave those girls with him but I
didn’t know what I could do if I stayed. I wished I’d tried to stop them when they first started
following, but it was too late now. I grabbed the arm of the nearest one. She stopped walking
but kept her face turned towards him. I pulled her roughly round to me. Her eyes looked in my
direction but there was no focus in them; I slapped her hard across her cheek. She blinked at
me then started crying.
“Run home” I hissed at her. He face crumpled into silent sobs. I turned her towards the street
and smacked her bum. “Run!” She stumbled away from me then started running.
The others had pulled ahead. I hurried to catch them, then grabbed a second girl and pulled
her round. I slapped her face and saw her blink.
“No!” The furious roar rooted me to the spot. I wanted to collapse onto the ground and hide
my head. “Bad chickie!” Cowering under the lash of his anger I gave her a shove, but she just
rocked on her heels as she stared at me. A large hand shot out and yanked her behind him; I
flailed ineffectually as she disappeared from my reach. “All. I need all.” The yellow eyes
glowered down at me. “You not snared. No chickie you.” He glanced behind him then pushed
his face into mine. “Run now, I sup well enough” he whispered. The weight of his foul breath
forced me back. “No time, no time” he growled as I shut my eyes and bent my head to the blast.
Behind him the girl I’d hit started screaming. Raw and regular, the sound bounced round us.
He hissed as his eyes darted franticly over the empty ground. Released, I ran to the other girls.
My headlong dash sent me ploughing wildly into them; they wobbled like skittles, oblivious. I
watch him turn on the screaming girl. Horror rose in me, but all he did was knock her down.
The siren noise switched off mid scream as she hit the ground. Towering over her he smiled.
The lips pulled back from his yellow teeth and his tongue slid out.
“Oh you beautiful chickie” he murmured as he bent over her. I was running before I knew it. I
cannoned into him, throwing us both off balance. He spun round to face me. The hungry eyes
ran up and down my trembling body then locked on to mine. I tried to look away but I was still
reeling. “Oh, this is a good heart” he said. “Worth two of the milksops on the ground. Yes. I have
this heart, I grow strong.”
The words were dripping with hungry anticipation. I couldn’t flee, he’d pinned me in front
of him. A whimper at my feet caught my attention. Looking down, I was released from his
stare; adrenaline caught me and sent me pounding over the rough ground. I’d gone three
metres when I heard the whimper again. The wretched animal sound plucked at my back and I
stumbled to a halt. I shook with fear, trapped between the girl and the street. When I dragged
myself round I saw her dangling from his hand. She was hanging from one arm, he held her
away from his body as he strode deeper into the wasteland, chivvying his other captives along.
I hesitated. He was so strong and I was so small, anything I did would be pointless. Following
slowly I pulled my phone out of my pocket. My shaking hands fumbled the buttons. I was
crying with frustration, desperate not to drop it. No signal. As it slid from my fingers I pressed
my other hand to my mouth to muffle my sobbing. Without any conscious thought I doggedly
trailed after them.
When they stopped he was panting with effort. The eyes he turned on me were desperate.
“Still here little rabbit? Good, I need you now. Not much meat on chickies for such hard work.”
I watched him dully, my mind blank. “Ah, you a chickie now I think.” He swung the girl casually
into the other two, they fell in a heap. Two quick steps brought him to me. He grabbed both my
wrists and pulled my arms out wide.
“No!” I fought as hard as I could, wriggling and pulling, trying to use my weight against him.
112
Surprise slowed his response. I concentrated everything I had on resisting him, terror
spurring me. He released one hand. As I swung it at his head he twisted me round, pulling my
arm up behind my back.
“Bad chickie” he said as the pain shot through me, freezing me in place. He shoved me
forwards and I landed heavily on broken stones. As I started pushing myself up he kicked me
hard in my side. “Stay there” he said. My breath rushed out of me, a black screen rose in front
of my eyes as red fire flowed into my chest. I flopped onto the ground.
Sharp stones on my face brought me back. I moved my head slightly and felt them graze my
cheek. I breathed in and had to fight the blackness as the pain reasserted itself. Panting
shallowly through my mouth I concentrated on a small rock in front of me. Tentatively I
extended my awareness, fear seeping in slowly as I emerged from the darkness. Nothing
happened to me. I lay still and waited for whatever would be coming next.
When I heard something being dragged over the ground I ignored it. It wasn’t me, I didn’t
care, but my terrified imagination wouldn’t let me be, it picked over every sound. Keeping my
left arm clamped tightly to my side I gingerly placed my right palm on the ground under my
shoulder. Nothing could be worse than lying there helplessly waiting. I nearly changed my
mind when I straightened my arm. I focused my whole being on making no noise as I waited to
be able to move again. When the pain was manageable I shut my eyes and counted in my head.
On three I pushed away from the ground as hard as I could so that I rocked back onto my
heels. Stunned by the force of the pain that I rose into, I kept my eyes closed and concentrated
on taking tiny breaths. When I opened them my small triumph was dashed by the realisation
that I was facing the wrong way. I wanted to give up, it was too hard. Only my loathing of the
Skark gave me strength; I didn’t expect to survive this but I would face it as bravely as I could. I
wasn’t a rabbit. I would spit in his face when he came for me. I started to shuffle myself round.
Move a bit. Wait a bit. Move a bit. Wait a bit. Tears streamed down my face.
At first I thought the girls were dead, then I realised there was no blood. Their limp bodies
had been arranged in a circle with their heads pointing out. Their arms were spread so that
their hands were touching. The Skark was crouched in the centre, fussily arranging their feet
so that their ankles crossed in the same direction. I wrapped both arms round my ribs while I
tried to work out what he was doing. When he was satisfied he sat cross legged, patting and
arranging a small pile on the ground in front of him. I hadn’t noticed it before, I leaned forward
trying to work out what it was. It was hair. He must have cut it from their heads while I was
trying to get up. Despite myself I was fascinated. I watched him stroke his knife through the
hair as he chanted in an ugly guttural language. The tip of the blade glowed and the heap
caught fire. He lowered his face to inhale the acrid smoke, opening his mouth and sucking it in.
Tipping his head back he spread his arms to the sky and called the same word loudly three
times. The fire had burned itself out. He spat into the ashes then, chanting, drew his finger
repeatedly through the slimy mess. Using both hands he cupped the paste and spread it over
his face before he stood and lifted his head to the sky again. Then he leapt over the encircling
arms and, landing in a crouch, raised his knife over the girl’s chest.
I picked up a rock and threw it at his head. It missed but he looked up. I threw another, then
another. I was shouting and screaming at the top of my voice. The pain in my chest obliterated
by mad visceral panic, I screeched and wailed as I desperately flung everything I could reach. A
hand caught my upraised arm from behind.
“Stop now or you’ll hurt the others” said Jasper gently. Figures streamed past me as I collapsed
forward. The pain in my chest bit viciously and it took me a while to realise that the animal
keening was coming from me. Jasper lifted me carefully. My legs wouldn’t take my weight, he
carried me to some scrubby grass and laid me down. I struggled to sit and he helped me up so
that I could see. Crouching in front of me he pushed my hair back from my face. “Will you be all
right on your own?” he asked. I nodded weakly as I tried to look over his shoulder. He patted
my hand and ran towards the fighting.
The Skark had been forced away from the girls and Jasper moved round the circle
rearranging their limbs and examining their faces. I shifted my attention to the fight but all I
113
could see was a confused mass of bodies. Exhausted and outnumbered the Skark didn’t hold
out long. I saw him fall and turned away as an arm plunged down. A loud scream choked off in
a bubbling gurgle. I didn’t feel triumphant, I just felt sick.
Someone broke away from the group and raced towards me. Through my tears I recognised
Tick and tried to stand. I was still struggling when he arrived; as the pain ran down my arm I
saw him wince. He knelt in front of me and put his hand on mine.
“Stay still, you’ve done enough.” Tears were welling in his eyes, I put my hand up and wiped his
cheek.
“I’m so glad to see you” I said. “I was so worried.” My words sounded stupid and inadequate. I
ignored his protests and tried to get to my feet, but I couldn’t do it on my own. “Please help me
up, so that I can hold you.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“So hold my good side” I huffed as I pushed against the ground again. He lifted me as gently as
he could. It hurt but I tried to hide it. I tucked my right shoulder under his and rested my head
on his chest. He put his arm round me, hesitating as he tried to work out where to put it
without causing more pain. With his other hand he stroked my head. All round us people
hurried busily, but everyone left us alone.
Jasper approached apologetically. “How is she?” he asked Tick. Tick pulled a face.
“One cracked rib at least. Apart from that I think just bruising, but I’m not sure. Do you want to
have a look?”
“No, I think we need to get her to the hospital. Even if we could patch her up we’d never be
able to hide it all. I think it would be better if she’s had a minor traffic accident.” He turned to
me and smiled. “Sorry Kate, we’re talking about you as if you’re not here. I know you must be
dog weary but I need to know exactly what happened.” Tick tightened his arm round me
making me yelp.
“Sorry” he muttered. As I told the story my legs started shaking. Tick supported me as I leaned
all my weight on him. Jasper asked the occasional question and made me repeat some bits.
When I’d finished he gave a low whistle.
“What was he doing with the girls?” I asked.
“He was praying to his gods. He was very frightened. This world was too hot for him and you
need a lot of strength and a fair bit of luck to force your way through a closed doorway.”
Tick felt me shudder. “I’ll take you to the hospital now” he said.
Jasper looked at him and frowned. “I think someone else should take her. This needs delicacy
and finesse and quite frankly you’re in no state. I looked up at Tick in surprise. I’d been so
engrossed in reliving everything for Jasper that I hadn’t noticed how much it had affected him.
My heart twisted at the sight of his taught drawn face. Ignoring the pain I stretched up and
kissed him gently on the lips. His eyes met mine and he tried to smile.
“Yes, well, I’ll leave you two to it.” Jasper strode off purposefully.
I was exhausted. I sagged against Tick, my mind empty. A young woman appeared and put
her hand on Tick’s shoulder. She pressed her forehead against the side of his head and spoke
in a low comforting voice.
“Let it go. It’s over now. Your Kate is going to be fine.” She smiled at me. “I’m Cy, I’m going to
take you to the hospital.” She looked like Tick, same green eyes and lithe build. Her hair was
long, braided into fine plaits that she’d knotted at the back of her head. “Can you get her to the
road while I find a car?” she asked. Tick nodded, his face still strained.
“Can you walk?” he asked me. I said I could, but after three steps I was gasping. He cradled me
in his arms like a baby and walked very slowly so as not to jog me. I kept my arms wrapped
round my chest and breathed shallowly. When we got to the road he stood me on my feet and
kissed the top of my head. “You’re so brave” he whispered.
I clutched at his arm. “I can’t be brave without you.”
He sighed. “Jasper’s right. I’m too upset to pull this off. Trust Cy, she’ll look after you.” A car
pulled up and Cy got out. She appeared to be wearing a plain skirt and jumper, sensible flat
shoes. Her hair was a neat bun at her neck. They helped me into the car, Tick leaning in to kiss
114
me when I was settled. Cy hugged him then got into the driving seat. He watched us drive
away, his face bereft.
“Did you steal this car?” I asked.
“Don’t worry, I’ll put it back when we’ve finished.”
“What if someone misses it while we’re still using it?”
“Never happens. I’m a professional.” She grinned at me and I smiled back.
“Don’t worry about the hospital” she said. “Just keep quiet and leave it to me.” I nodded
gratefully. When we arrived at A & E she swung the car into a crazy angle right in front of the
door. She helped me out and wrapped my arm round her shoulder. “You okay? Here we go
then.” She walked me firmly to the doors supporting me easily then, as they slid open, she
slumped as if I were too heavy for her. Tears were streaming down her cheeks as we stumbled
to reception.
“Please help me” she gasped. “She came out of nowhere, I didn’t mean to hit her.” Everyone
rushed to our aid. A wheelchair was found for me, forms were completed with a minimum of
fuss. When they asked for my details I hesitated but she flashed me a rapid wink and
reassuring nod so I gave them my name and address. She stayed with me through it all, when
my parents arrived she was more distraught then they were. I wanted to laugh as my dad
comforted her while Mum fetched her a cup of tea.
It was decided that I had to be kept in overnight. The doctor thought I might have
concussion. He said that if I’d landed on my side with that much force I must have hit my head
on the tarmac. I said I couldn’t remember hitting my head, but he said loss of memory was one
of the signs of concussion. Cy gave me a small frown and I shut up. Mum wanted to come up to
the ward with me but the nurse said there was no point; they’d given me something for the
pain and I would probably be asleep before we got out of the lift. I kissed all the proffered
faces through a haze of morphine. Mum was crying, but I was too fuzzy to say anything
reassuring. Cy squeezed my hand and whispered “You did good.” I smiled vaguely as I drifted
off.
115
You said beautiful twice
I drifted slowly awake to a pair of green eyes watching me carefully. I smiled.
“I love you” I said. A loud guffaw pulled me into full consciousness. I blinked and frowned, my
eyes still bleary.“Rez?” He nodded, still laughing. I glared at him, my face scarlet. “What are you
doing here?”
“I promised Tick I’d see how you are. Jasper wouldn’t let him come.”
“Is he still upset?”
“He’s beside himself. Don’t worry, Cy’s looking after him. He’ll be all right once he knows you
are. So how are you feeling?”
“I don’t know.” I thought about it. “Not too bad.” I went to sit up and collapsed with a gasp. “As
long as I don’t move.”
“I can help with that if you like. That’s why I came.”
“What will you do?”
“Don’t look so suspicious. I’m a healer, I can help you mend.” He pulled the curtains round my
bed.
“Won’t people think that’s odd? I don’t think visitors are supposed to shut the curtains.” He
gave me an impatient look and I blushed again. “Sorry, I wasn’t thinking.” He helped me to sit
up then twist round so that my back was facing him.
“What is this thing you’re wearing?” he asked.
“Hospital gown” I mumbled.
“Do you mind if I open it, I need skin contact. Don’t worry, you’re really not my type.”
My embarrassment didn’t last long. Rez’ touch was professional, impersonal.
“What are you doing?” I asked as he pressed his hands gently onto my skin.
“I’m persuading your bones that they don’t need to be like that. Reminding them what they
should be like.”
“Should I keep quiet, do you need to concentrate?”
“No, you’re okay. I do cracked ribs all the time.”
“Can you all do this?”
“Up to a point, but I’m the best. Tick’s useless. No detachment.” The deep affection was
obvious.
“I’m sorry I’ve caused so much trouble for him.”
“Well, you could have chosen a more appropriate boyfriend.”
“He’s not my boyfriend.”
Rez’ voice was hard. “Then I think you need to have a talk with him very soon. He’s my
brother; I won’t have him hurt.”
“That wasn’t what I meant. I don’t think of him as my boyfriend.” I struggled to put my
thoughts into words. “When you say boyfriend I think of flirting and dates, things like that.
With Tick it’s different.”
“But you do act like boyfriend and girlfriend. You do get together and smooch, or so I’m told.”
“Smooch?”
“You know what I mean.”
“Yes but it’s different. When my friends have a boyfriend they meet up so that they can
“smooch”. Tick and I don’t need to touch each other. “Smooching” is nice but it isn’t what holds
us together. Just to see him, to know he’s all right, that’s all I want.” Maybe it was a side effect
of whatever he was doing to me, or just that we both loved Tick, but I didn’t feel awkward
talking like this.
“What about when you can’t see him? When he’s away?” asked Rez.
“I miss him, but a small part of him stays. I’m always certain he’ll come back to me, I never
question it. What drives me mad is the idea of something happening to him. I worry he won’t
be able to come back to me, but I never worry that he won’t want to.”
“Do you want to keep him out of danger?”
“Everyone wants to keep their loved ones out of danger.”
116
“But Tick’s job is dangerous.”
“I know, but there’s nothing I can do about that. It’s part of Tick. I’ve chosen all of him, I can’t
change the bits I don’t like.”
“I hope you remember that when the time comes.”
“What?”
“Nothing, I’m just worried about him. He took the thing with the Skark very hard, it never
occurred to him that you would be the one being frightened and hurt.”
“It was all my fault.”
“I know; Jasper told me.”
“I was stupid and stubborn. If those girls had died……...” I broke off, seeing him drop them on
the ground like a pile of shopping bags as he came for me.
Rez’ voice was warm, reassuring. “I blame Jasper. He should have talked to you, prepared you.
You were stupid and stubborn; but mainly you were ignorant and naïve.”
“Next time I swear I won’t set foot out of the house.”
“Next time?”
“There’s going to be a next time. This is what Tick does.” I tried to keep the fear from my voice.
“When you chose this you had no idea what you were letting yourself in for.” I wondered what
it would be like to feel Tick hurt and afraid and far from me.
“Does it get very bad?” I asked in a small voice.
“From what I’ve seen it can be rough. Being bonded is a mixed blessing. Tick is surrounded by
people who understand, who can help and support him, but you’re on your own. How will you
cope?”
“I don’t know, but I suppose I’ll have to find a way. I have no choice now.”
Rez was quiet for a while, concentrating on his hands.
“You’re not bonded?” I asked.
“No.”
“Why not?”
“It doesn’t work like that. It’s not something you go looking for. When it happens, it happens.”
“But it wasn’t supposed to happen to me and Tick?”
“Cross-species bonding isn’t that rare but it always causes complications. I would rather Tick
hadn’t bonded so young. No offence, but he could have made an easier choice.”
“I’m sorry” I muttered.
“Don’t be. It is what it is.”
“When can I see him?”
“Soon I hope, or he might explode.” His laughter was affectionate and I joined in.
“Did that hurt, when you laughed?” he asked.
“Much less than before. Thank you.”
“I’ve left a lot of the bruising, I don’t want to confuse your parents with a miraculous recovery.
You’ll still be stiff and sore but the bones have joined well, all the sharp pain should be gone.
Try to hobble and flinch for a few days. Don’t forget yourself and start laughing.”
He got up and opened the curtains while I tried to wrap the stupid gown back round me.
“Why did I have to come to hospital if you could fix me?” I asked.
“I’ve only healed your most severe injury. It would have taken a long time to make you look
unharmed and I probably couldn’t have taken all the pain away. You would have had to hide it,
moved normally to prevent suspicion.”
“You don’t think I’m a good enough actress?”
“We didn’t think it would be fair on you. You deserve some cosseting. Lie down now your
parents are coming back.”
“They’re here?”
“They arrived early this morning, it wasn’t visiting time but they had Jasper with them so noone noticed. They’ve been sitting next to you all day, waiting for you to wake up.”
“What time is it?”
“Late afternoon.”
117
“You’re kidding.”
He grinned. “Never underestimate the healing power of sleep. Jasper’s taken them for a coffee
so that I could see you.”
“Thank you”
“You’re welcome. I’ll be off now. Tick says make sure your window’s open.”
I watched Rez and Jasper pass each other as strangers then I was engulfed in Mum’s arms.
“Be careful Anne, you’ll hurt her” said Dad. I remembered to flinch.
“Oh Kittycat, I’m so sorry.” She patted at me helplessly, tears in her eyes.
“Sit down Anne. She’s going to be all right.” Jasper pulled a chair next to my head and, giving
her a quick hug, pushed her gently down. He stood with one hand on Dad’s shoulder and
smiled at me. “You look so much better” he said. Neither of my parents pointed out that this
was the first time he’d seen me since the car accident, they just nodded in agreement. Dad tied
a huge balloon to the end of my bed, it had a fat pink elephant on it holding a sign that said Get
Well Soon. Diving into a carrier bag, he produced a pot-bellied rabbit with wonky eyes.“This is
for you” he announced proudly. “Do you like it?” I looked into his tired, strained eyes and
smiled.
“Thanks Dad, it’s lovely.”
“We’ve got grapes” said Mum. “Dave, what have you done with the grapes? Maybe you’d prefer
chocolate?”
“Not just now.” Her face fell. “Could you get me a drink? I’d love a drink.”
“There’s a machine in the hall, I’ll be right back.” Dad followed her, fussing about the right
change.
Jasper flicked the balloon with his finger. “Sorry about all the stuff. They drank their coffee too
quickly, I had to suggest the gift shop. I had to be quite persuasive to keep your mother away
from you. I think maybe I overdid it.” Mum bustled back with a can and a straw. She helped me
as I tipped myself forward while Dad rearranged my pillows.
“When can I go home?” I wanted to know.
“As soon as they’ve checked you over. Dad’s spoken to the nurse, she’ll come and see you soon.
He’s getting on very well with the staff. When we arrived there was a sign saying no visitors
before twelve but Dad just charmed his way in.” I didn’t dare look at Jasper, I wasn’t supposed
to laugh.
Rez was right, I was still very sore. I didn’t have to pretend to move slowly and carefully.
Mum and Dad got me home then Mum helped me have a bath. When I saw myself in the mirror
I understood why she kept crying. Ugly purple bruising ran all down my side, my face
roughened by grazes. My fingers were scratched and bruised, the nails broken where I’d
scrabbled for rocks. She eased me into pyjamas and brushed my hair.
“Thanks Mum.” I put my hand up and she squeezed it.
They tried to feed me but I just kept yawning. When I nodded over the plate for the third
time I was helped up the stairs and tucked into bed. Dad stroked my hair back onto the pillow.
“Night Kittycat.”
“Night Dad. Dad!” He turned in the doorway.
“Can you open the window please.”
“Are you sure, it’s a cold night.”
“Please, I want some fresh air. Please Dad.” He shrugged and undid the catch. He only lifted the
sash a couple of millimetres but I was happy; it would be enough.
“Thanks Dad.”
“Get some sleep.”
“Healing power of sleep” I mumbled.
He laughed. “That’s right” he said as he shut the door.
Again I woke to green eyes. He was kneeling beside the bed, his chin resting on his arms
beside my pillow.
“How long have you been here?” I asked smiling.
“A while, I didn’t want to wake you.”
118
“I wouldn’t have minded.”
“You looked so peaceful, so beautiful. I’ve been so worried. Jasper wouldn’t let me out, it was
hell.”
I smiled. “I’m fine. You can stop worrying now.”
“I’m trying to.” I stroked his head, pulling him to me so that our faces were nearly touching.
“Don’t fret” I murmured. “Everything’s all right.” I held his eyes with mine, watching him relax.
“See? We’re both okay. There’s nothing to worry about.”
He touched my face carefully. “You took terrible.”
“So do you, when did you last sleep?”
“I don’t know. Not today, not yesterday. Day before that?”
“Go home, get some rest.”
“I’ll sleep later. You’re not getting rid of me yet. Does your face hurt? Can I kiss you?” I tipped
my mouth up and he grinned. His lips were soft and gentle, a fuzzy warmth spread though me
at their touch. He slid his hand to the nape of my neck and tenderly cupped my head. When he
slowly drew away and looked into my eyes his were clearer,happier.
I smiled into his devoted gaze. “I love you.”
“You are the most amazing, beautiful, courageous, awe-inspiringly wonderful, breathtaking,
beautiful thing that has ever happened to me.”
“You said beautiful twice.”
“That’s because you are” he whispered.
I laughed when he yawned; he looked so sheepish.
“Sorry, that wasn’t very romantic.”
“Please go and get some sleep.”
“No way, I’m not leaving you.”
“Then at least lie down here. You can’t go on forever, you need to rest.” I shuffled over to the
side of the bed and patted the pillow.
“It is tempting. Do you mind if I stretch out for a bit, ease my muscles?”
“Please just lie down.” He froze when I lifted the quilt for him to get under it with me.
“Are you sure?”
“For goodness sake just get into bed. I promise not to take advantage of you.” He got under the
quilt gingerly, making sure that none of him touched any of me. I lay still, watching him slowly
unwind. I wasn’t surprised when his eyes closed. His breathing became deep and even, I
drifted off as I watched him sleep.
He was still asleep when I woke, I was lying on my side with my legs bent and he was
behind me, his knees tucked against the back of mine. I didn't move, floating in the warm
intimate peace, hoping he wouldn't wake.
“Hi.” He spoke quietly into my ear. “Did I really just spend the night in your bed?”
“Don’t worry, your virtue is intact.”
“Don’t be mean. You’re spoiling my perfect moment.” He stroked my cheek softly. “How are you
feeling this morning?”
“I feel much better. Still stiff but, thanks to Rez, not too bad.”
Tick grinned. “Rez is great isn’t he?” he said proudly. “What did you say to him? He came back
very thoughtful.” At that point my bedroom door opened. I nearly had a heart attack.
I looked guiltily at Mum but all she said was. “You’re awake. I was just checking on you
before I went to work.” Tick had flicked the quilt over his head and was lying very still with his
eyes shut.
“Do you want anything?” asked Mum, ignoring the large lump in my bed between us.
I forced myself to focus on her face, to not look down. “I’m all right. I’ll probably get a bit more
sleep then I’ll watch some television.”
“So you don’t need anything brought up before I go?” she persisted.
“No, I’m fine.”
“Have you got your mobile nearby in case you need me to come home?” I remembered
dropping it in the wasteland but I nodded cheerfully.
119
“As long as you’re sure you’ll be able to look after yourself. I could take another day off work if
you like.”
“Really Mum, I’ll be fine.”
“All right then, I’ll see you this evening. Remember you can ring me if you need anything.” She
shut the door and I heard her going downstairs. Ticks eyes opened, sparkling with laughter.
“How do you do that?” I could barely speak through my giggles.
“It’s just one of my many skills.” He grinned wickedly as he sat up. “Don't think Jasper would
be too impressed though.”
He kissed the end of my nose. “Wait there, I’ll make you breakfast.”
“You don’t have to.” He pushed me gently back onto the pillow.
“Stay still, I want to look after you.” He frowned fiercely. “Sit tight and let me care for you” he
said strictly. I nodded meekly, giggling. He was gone ages; I had plenty of time to get down to
the bathroom and back. Negotiating the stairs made me realise that I still had plenty of healing
to do. I examined my face as I gave my teeth a quick clean. I hadn't thought it could look worse
but the cuts had turned into dark crusty cornflakes, pink shiny skin stretched between them.
He was whistling as he came back up. He pushed the door open with his foot then carefully
manoeuvred Mum’s biggest tray through the opening.
“What on earth is all that?” I asked
He started putting food on my plate. “Originally I was going to make scrambled egg on toast.
Then I thought I’d have a look in the fridge to see if there was any bacon. As you can see there
was bacon, and sausage. Then I saw some mushrooms and I can’t resist fried mushrooms.”
“Good, I’m starving.”
“This is for me. You're an invalid, you get a small bit of scrambled egg on half a slice of toast”
“I don't think so.”
It was the best breakfast I’ve ever eaten. Maybe you have to get yourself half killed to really
appreciate food. When I’d taken the edge off my hunger I was full of questions.
“Tick? What happened? How come the Skark was here but you weren’t?”
“I chased him from the stones but he was fast and tricky, he soon shook me off.”
“That was my fault, I’m sorry.”
He waved his fork dismissively. “I looped round and hooked up with Jasper. He’s a brilliant
tracker. He kept us on the trail, but our quarry was always one step ahead of us. Jasper
maintained a constant barrage of highly specialised enchantments that made him unable to
hunt. I don’t know how he did it, it was amazing. The rest of the unit had scrambled, but all we
could do was support Jasper until we actually caught up with him. We were getting closer as
hunger slowed him, then suddenly we lost him.”
“What happened?”
“To disappear like that is beyond his skill unless he had help, but it’s impossible to imagine
anyone helping scum like that. Skark are loathed and feared throughout the Panactuality.
Homeless parasites hounded between the worlds and eradicated at every possible
opportunity, they’re vermin. Who would help vermin? Happening here, it’s more than
worrying, there shouldn’t be anyone in this world who could help him.” His eyes focused
thoughtfully on the middle distance for a few seconds then he turned back to me. “So we were
fanning out and casting round when you saw him.”
“You knew I’d seen him?”
“I felt it as it happened. Your shock was so strong, I could feel your legs trembling. No-one
questioned it, they just got moving. It was a long way to travel in a very short time. Jasper had
to use all the tricks he knew to get us there so quickly. As it is, we only just made it.”
I stroked his bleak face. “But you did make it, that’s all that matters.”
“This time.”
“What happened to the girls?”
“They’re all right. They hadn’t been physically hurt and Jasper was able to smooth their minds.
They might have one or two nightmares but they shouldn’t remember anything. Jasper will
keep an eye on them but he thinks they’ll be fine. Human girls are amazingly resilient.” He
120
flashed me a smile. “Look at you tucking into bacon and eggs.”
“It’s delicious.”
“You only love me for my cooking skills.”
“That’s right.”
I watched him balancing a huge pile of egg on a piece of toast. There was nothing cuter than
the way his eyes narrowed with concentration as he lifted it to his mouth.
He glanced sideways. “What are you thinking?”
“I was thinking how comfortable this is.”
“I know, we’re like an old married couple.”
“I hope it’s a long time before you have to go away again.”
“Never.”
I stared at him as he chased mushrooms round his plate. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m never going away again. I’m going to resign my commission.”
“Can you do that?”
“People do it all the time, nothing more useless that an unwilling warrior.”
“What will you do?”
“I’ll stay here. I haven’t spoken to Jasper but I’m hoping he’ll let me live with him.”
“But what will you do here?”
“I haven’t really considered. It doesn’t matter. I’ll be with you, you’ll never have to feel the way
I felt when you faced the Skark.” He beamed at me. “I’ll see you every day. It’s going to be
wonderful.” My heart swelled in my chest under his glowing gaze. It would be wonderful to be
with him all the time. To have everything I loved here with me and never have to worry. I
dragged my eyes from his face and stabbed randomly at my food with the fork.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea” I said.
“What are you talking about?”
I couldn’t look at him, I kept my eyes on my plate. “When you first said it, I was excited. I
thought it would be a dream come true. But I love you, all of you, exactly how you are. You’re a
warrior, it’s part of you. If you give that up, what will you become? You’ll get bored, we’ll fight.
You won’t be you anymore.”
“You’re wrong Kate. I’ve thought about this long and hard. I can’t bear to put you through what
we went through yesterday. Nothing is worth that.”
“You love your job. You can’t give it up, it wouldn’t make any sense.”
He was getting angry. “You’re the one that’s not making sense. You want to feel like that
again?”
“No of course I don’t. But I want you to be you.” I looked up from the plate, my lip trembling.
“This is real life, not a fairy story. We can’t pick and choose the bits we want. We have to make
it work with what we’ve got.”
“I thought you’d be pleased.”
I sighed. “I know, I’m sorry.”
I kept quiet as he fiddled with his food thoughtfully. Already my courage had gone; I was
hoping he’d ignore everything I’d said. It had been easy when I was talking to Rez, spouting off
about having to cope, but the reality terrified me. I knew I was right, but I didn’t want to be.
When he spoke his voice was quiet.
“You're so much braver than me.” I wanted to cry.
“You’re brave” I said.
“No. I thought I was, but that was just bravado. I’ve never had to face real fear before. When we
were running to you I was so petrified I don’t know how I carried on breathing.”
“I know. While you were chasing the Skark, and I didn’t know what was happening, I was
barely alive”
He pulled me into the crook of his arm. “So what are we going to do?” he muttered as he put
his chin on my head.
“Just keep on breathing I suppose.” My voice broke and his other arm came round me.
“Oh Kate, don’t cry. Everything will be all right.”
121
“Promise?”
“Cross my heart and hope to die.” He saw the look on my face. “Woops, sorry.”
I shrugged, laughing as I wiped my face. “Foolish boy, what am I going to do with you?”
“Well I’ve got a few ideas but I think we’d better wait until you’re better.”
“I’m feeling much better all ready.”
“Believe me Kate, I’d like nothing more than to take you up on that, but I really don’t trust
myself.”
I stroked his face. “It’s been a tough couple of days huh?”
“You’re telling me.”
“Look what I’ve done to your bed!” I looked at the tumbled plates, sausage and mushroom
smeared all over the quilt.
“It doesn’t matter” I said. We scraped everything on to the tray and Tick put it on the floor. He
gave the quilt an extra brush with his hand before lying down on top of it. I put my head on his
chest and he curled his arm round my shoulder to stroke my hair.
“How long do you think you’ll get off school?” he asked.
“I don’t know, a week? Maybe more. I don’t know how long ribs are supposed to take to heal.
I’ll have to look it up on the internet.”
“I’m looking forward to it. I’ll be here every day.”
“That sounds good.”
“Mmmmm, doesn’t it?” Having my hair stroked was making me sleepy. I snuggled into his
chest, feeling the steady rise and fall of his breathing, listening to his heart beating in the quiet
room.
“Kate?”
“Hmm?”
“You know what you were saying earlier about not living in a fairy tale?”
“What about it?”
“Are you sure? Sometimes everything feels so perfect that I think it can’t be real. You and me,
it’s so amazing, so unexpected, do you think we could be in a fairy tale?”
I burrowed my head harder against his chest. “Wish we were. Then we’d simply live happily
ever after.”
“I don’t see why we can’t. Eventually. Sometimes you have to fight for your happy ending, I’m
going to keep pummelling at real life till it gives in and leaves us alone to be happy.”
I lifted my head to look at him. His ardent face made me laugh despite myself. “How long will
that take?”
“Doesn’t matter, I need to be with you. And I will be.”
122