The 2014 Brownlow
Jo Bailey Award
Welcome to my take on the
WAGs and outfits at this years
2014 Brownlow Medal
The award is named in honour of
Jo Bailey, wife of Fullback of the
Century and Carlton legend,
Stephen Silvagni, for her display of
excellence, beauty and style over
many years.
Here she is in 2014 looking as
stunning as always
Hits
A look at some of the hits of the
night
Lets kick off
with Jed
Adcock and his
lovely wife
Hayley. A
stunning outfit.
Jay Schulz and
his wife Amy.
It’s been a
stellar year for
Port and his
wife did her bit
to win yet
another award
for the Power
Issac Smith
with Candice
Quinlan,
backing up
from her
wonderful
effort in 2013.
She certainly
looks like she
has Super . . .
. . . Boots!
Bryce Gibbs with the
always glamorous
Lauren. She’s been
a consistent
performer year in
year out. Some
would say unlike
Bryce!
The always
stunning
Clementine
McVeigh. As
per AFL rules,
she gets an
automatic extra
10% approval.
Brandon Ellis
and the lovely
Sarah Bell. A
win at last for a
Tiger.
Chris Yarran
with his partner
Michelle
Trewartha
looking
stunning in this
gold outfit.
Misses
In the spirit of our lord, Joan
Rivers, we take to those we felt
missed the mark
Just as Gary
missed, so too
did Jordan.
The hair simply
doesn’t suit
and we’re just
not sure about
the armbands
and the choker.
Perhaps the
choker was in
honor of the
Sun’s last 8
weeks?
Alex’s Rance with his
wife Georgia. The
weird hemline needs
something
outstanding. Some
Target style
clodhopper shoes just
ain’t it. At least it
looks as though Alex
did your nails.
Luke Bresut and
Anthea Pallow. Nice
try but the willowy
wispy tulle belongs on
a ballerina and does
nothing for what we
trust are good legs.
Buddy and if you are
the only person in
Australia who doesn’t
know, his model
girlfriend Jesinta.
Even with a COLA,
this is a miss. The
missing arm is just too
weird and the color
looks like one of those
washed out
hypercolor shirts!
Cale Hooker with
Kate Etherington.
Whilst its classical,
its all just a bit deb
ball for us.
Last years rising star Dylan
Shiel with partner Georgie
Williams. The ruffled top
half belongs on a mother of
the bride outfit and the bun
hair is just too severe. After
you great first up effort in
2013, this is a let down.
Harley Bennel with
Lousie Robin. All just a
bit plain jane and the
cutouts actually make
her great rack less
interesting.
Red Carpet host Rachel Finch.
Just a bit too try hard for us. She’s
gone the Angelina dress slit but its
all just a bit severe for us.
Jack was a hit last year with Jayde
but this year its all too much
‘mermaid’.
Jamie Elliot brought his
mum. No real disaster there
except we don’t have a
MILF category. Sorry.
Josh Kennedy with his partner Ana
Calle. We are huge fans of Ana
since she debuted out of nowehere
in a stunning red outfit in 2012.
But this outfit just does her no
justice. Based on her previous
efforts, its all just “mehhh”. And no
amount of COLA is going to fix it.
Juddy and Twiggers. We
dips our lids to Twiggers
as she always has a
crack. And this means
plenty of hits with just as
many misses. This year
it’s a miss. Yes we get it
that its ‘couture’. But its
too ‘crazy cat walk in
Paris’ for our liking.
Come on, the Juddster’s
only got one more year.
Jordan Lewis and Lucy
Freer. A few of the girls
tried to tell me that this is a
great outfit. Maybe it’s a
bad shot then because it
look’s way too school
m’aam for us.
Nadia Bartel has been a
perenial favourite of
ours and has delivered
some great outfits. The
white leather was a
punt. Alas, it dived left,
like her husband.
Luke Parker and
Kate Lawrence.
What could have
been a great outfit.
Ruined by an
oversized white
handbag.
Accessories are just
as important as the
dress!
Stefan Martin and
Madeline Ryan. The
move away from
Melbourne’s worked
wonders for the boy.
But the dress is a
miss. All a bit too
blingy.
Tomahawk and
Emma. Sorry, apart
from the obvious
‘focal points’, there’s
nothing else to really
look at. It probably
helps us overlook
the silver shoes.
Travis and
Rebeccah. She’s a
stunner but this ode
to the black and
white cookie does
her no favours. But
at least she’s
cleared up those
‘rumors’.
Bernie Vinces’s
partner Abbie
Noonan has wowed
us before. But not
this time. Not sure if
its prom queen chic
or Gone with the
Wind. Did at least
have cleavage.
Renee and Joel
Corey. Big yes for
the brave go at the
pants suit.
Unfortunately the
pants are more
sparklier than
Bruce’s eyes
watching Rioli play.
Kelvin errr I mean
Ben Cunnington and
Belinda Hintum.
Nice to see some
color but it was the
texture that lost us
not to mention
flashing your blue
lacy bra.
Come on Tigers. It’s
not a bloody
Reservois Dogs reenactment! I would
have thought Dusty
would have had a
harem of Eve
clubbers to choose
from. Either bring a
date or pass and let
others.
Dyson Heppel and
Cate. Amazing that
the bottom half of
her dress matches
Dyson’s hair.
Hopefully we get a
break from you next
year as you serve
the suspension you
and your cheating
buddies deserve.
Michael Jamieson
made a rare
appearance with
partner Asad. The
outfit made a splash
– for the wrong
reasons. More at
home on a beach in
Bali than the
Brownlow. An
advertisement for
Hollywood tape.
Poor old Joe
Daniher. Only new
to the AFL and he
must have got it
confused with
‘school dance’.
Luckily his date is
called ‘partner’.
Then again she
probably didn’t want
her name associated
with a drug cheat.
Well done ‘partner’!
Mitch Duncan and
Demi Miles. We
think, just not sure,
that she has 2 cream
cakes on her tits.
Sorry, miss!
Nick Maxwell and
wife Erin. Erin has
had a few misses
before and continues
her run. A leather
ballgown ???
Pav and
Lauren, then
Phil and Coco
went the see
through leggy
thing and we
gave them
both a fail.
Call it the
figure skater
look.
Whatever, we
don’t like it.
Rising gun Dion
Prestia with Lainey
McIntyre. We think
its been inspired by
“50 shades of grey”.
As beautiful as
Lainey is, it’s a miss.
Andrew and Elise
Swallow made top 5
last year. But not
this year. Not sure
the “Happy Days”
look is a goer. Too
much happening.
Callan Ward and
Ruby Keddia. It’s
peach, it’s got
copious lace, theres
fishnet sleeves.
What could go
wrong????? Sorry
but all of it.
Michael and Leah
Barlow. We think he
got his invites mixed
up and thought he
was auditioning for
“Dancing with the
Stars”. Leah looks
ready for the tango.
Bet you are thinking,
“Gee how do Sydney
fit all that talent into
their cap?????”
Not us . . . .
Much!
Another big miss. This bloke even being
there. Seriously AFL, this guy, his club and
his dad have dragged our game into the
gutter, stomped on it then stomped on it
some more for over 18 mths. The only
reason he should have been there was to
hand back Cotchin’s Brownlow. Seeing him
tip Heppel was like seeing Lloyd Flanders tip
Lance for a tour win.
Thankyou Justice Middleton for smashing
Essendon out of the park. The sooner
ASADA/WADA ban these blokes the better.
Oh and dear reader, don’t even think of
sighing “the poor players”. Go ask an
Olympian about the care they have to take
on ANY substance that enters their body.
The players have no one to blame but
themselves. Kudos to Zaha for at least
standing up.
Reflections on last years musings. . . .
Finally, it looks as though someone has heard us down at Channel 7
because our musings of last year have been heard!!!
You did exacly as we asked on the red carpet.
greet the couples
2. ask her where she got her dress
3. Make her twirl so we can assess T&A
4. next.
1.
Bonus marks for dumping the annoying Campbell Brown
But what is the fascination with seeing how bloody Trent Cotchin gets
ready, year after year. I’d understand if it was because he was
picking up his Brownlow from 2012 that Jobe has been keeping
warm.
Our “WTF”’s
Oh please, not more
of this trash? Why
do we even give
Geoff oxygen? As
for Gabi aka Lady
Kaka. The only way
she was of any use
was if she’d plunged
that dagger into his
neck and spared us
all the same crap
next year.
The Rising Star award
Awarded to what we believe are good first up efforts at the Brownlow.
Apologies if they have been there before, but hey, it’s the first time we’ve
noticed them!
Rising Star
Luke Delaney
and Carly Miller.
Right :Lynden
Dunn with
Samantha Clark
Rising Star
Sam Jacobs.
He’s a lanky
ginger living in
Adelaide.
Normally not a
winning
combo. And
he fronts up
with the
stunning
Isabelle
Duncan. Well
done sauce!
And to our finalists
Big improvement this year with some very lovely ladies in wonderful outfits
that displayed all of their . . .. personality!
As always, we had a few regulars, but also a good number of first up entrants
Fifth place
Robbie Gray
with Annabel.
In on looks
alone. A fairly
safe outfit. Will
need to make
an effort in
2015 if she
wants to rise in
the rankings.
Fourth place
Kade Simpson
and the always
stylish Diana
Steiner. This
bold green
made a big
bold statement.
We are glad
the beards
gone too.
Interesting
though that
Diana’s name
is rarely
divulged for the
Carpet pics.
Third Place
Rory Sloan notched up
3rd again in 2013 to
make it his third top 3
in a row. Belinda was
stunning in this gold
shimmering gown.
Looked even better on
the twirl. Hopefully
made up for Gillon
calling you “Arse
Loan” all night.
Second Place
Last years
winner showed
once again why
she’s one of
the legends of
the field.
Simple,
elegant,
gorgeous,
stunning. We
keep hoping for
the double for
you and
Pendles.
And the winner of the 2014 Jo
Bailey Award goes to . . . .
2014 Jo Bailey
Jesse
Habermann
Winner in 2012
and runner up
last year. Jesse
is well on the way
to legend status.
Marc Murphy
owes it to you to
bring a Charlie
home.
Unlike others
who were a fail
with the bare
legs, you pulled
this off perfectly.
And we leave you with this years
Phark Off award.
Phark Off – a perpetual award it seems
Gillon McLachlan.
Here we were thinking this was a Demetriou problem. But it seems it’s a CEO one.
Granted, well done on getting through the votes quickly and without any terrible
pronunciations.
BUT
Pausing on every syllable for teams that had a Brownlow chance is simply beyond
annoying. Don’t make the same mistake your predecessor did. It’s the players who
make the game and not the officials. Shut the FUCK UP!!!!!
We were happy to see the back of the last bloke. Don’t make us regret that.