Talking with your children about breast cancer Talking with your children about breast cancer | 05 Introduction Around a third of those diagnosed with breast cancer in the UK each year have young children living at home. So when there is a diagnosis of breast cancer in the family many parents and carers find themselves asking the question ‘what are we going to tell the children?’ We know that children are less anxious if they know what’s happening, and that it can be less frightening for them to know what is going on, even if they don’t fully understand. So, even though you may find it difficult, in most cases talking with your children about your breast cancer will help you both. In this booklet we explain what children can understand at different ages about a serious illness like cancer and how they may respond to the news that you have breast cancer. It doesn’t tell you exactly what to say to your child or children (we use children throughout the text) because every family is different. But it will give you some ideas about how to tell them and what other parents’ experiences have been. This booklet covers talking with your children when you have been diagnosed with primary breast cancer. If you have secondary breast cancer some of the information will be useful, but there are other resources available to help with the different issues secondary breast cancer may raise. You can find out more about useful organisations and books in our booklet Secondary breast cancer. Although we mostly refer to ‘mothers’ throughout the text, the booklet is also intended for fathers and may be helpful for any adult who has reason to talk with children about breast cancer. Call our Helpline on 0808 800 6000 Talking with your children about breast cancer | 07 Telling your children Many mothers might want to put off telling their children they have breast cancer or even avoid it altogether because they are afraid of upsetting them or afraid of getting upset in front of them. They may also be worried about being asked difficult questions, such as ‘are you going to die?’ But children usually know when something is upsetting or worrying a parent. Even if you try to hide it, it is likely to show in your face and your voice, the way you talk to them and behave with them, and the way that others treat you. Children are very quick to pick up on secrets. If they feel left out they may think they have done something to upset you or they may make up their own story about what is happening, which may be far worse than the truth. They may not tell you they are worried, they may not know what’s going on inside themselves. But the fear and uncertainty could have a damaging effect on their behaviour, their schoolwork, and their friendships. They need to be able to trust you, and being honest with them helps them to do that. Keeping secrets may also be tiring for you, just at a time when you need all your energy to help you concentrate on feeling and getting better. There is also a risk that if you don’t tell them, they will find out some other way and this may reinforce their feelings that this is a really big issue. ‘Telling my daughters was the worst thing I’ve ever had to do – and I’ve done it twice. My first thought on being told I had secondaries was “how are we going to tell the girls?”. It was truly awful. But it had to be done, as best we could, and they have amazed me with their ability to deal with it.’ Eleanor (daughters aged 22, 20 and 14 at diagnosis) Call our Helpline on 0808 800 6000 Talking with your children about breast cancer | 09 Who might tell them For most children, information about your breast cancer will be best coming from you and your partner if you have one. Children seem to be able to handle difficult news best if it is given by someone they love and trust. But if you’re finding it difficult, or circumstances don’t allow, it might help to get someone else you and your children know well to be with you. ‘I’m glad that Antony and I talked to them one by one to ensure they had plenty of time to absorb the news and start to ask their own questions.’ Eleanor Call our Helpline on 0808 800 6000 10 | Telling your children When to tell them Most women talk to their partner, close friends or relatives about the possibility of breast cancer when they first notice something wrong or go and see their GP (local doctor) or breast specialist. But they tend to wait until later to tell their children. Some tell them after tests have confirmed they have breast cancer and a few may wait until after surgery. There are no set rules and a lot will depend on the age of the children and how you usually talk with them about illness and other issues in the family. But the longer you leave telling them something, the more likely your children are to realise that all is not well, and to start worrying and guessing what it might be. Obviously, it’s an emotional time. Your children are likely to see you upset from time to time over the coming weeks or months and this allows them to feel the same way. However, if you can be calm and confident when you tell them about your cancer, even if you don’t feel it inside, it may help your children feel less upset or panicky. It is best to keep talking with your children regularly about what’s going on so they feel informed and are able to ask any questions they may have. ‘Deborah was living in Russia so we had to tell her over the phone. Naomi was at university and was due back the following day. We told her on her return. We told Emily when she came back from school. Antony told Deborah on the phone, but I was beside him. We were together when we told the other two, but we told them individually.’ Eleanor ‘I told my son just before going into hospital. I was on my own with Rhodri – who was aged four at the time.’ Catrin Visit www.breastcancercare.org.uk 12 | Telling your children Finding the right words What you decide to tell your children will depend on a number of different things. You may be a family that talks openly about everything, or you may come from a background or culture where intimate or serious things are not talked about, or are kept between adults. You may talk more easily to one of your children than to another. And your children’s ages and characters will make a difference to what they understand and how they react. Many people find it helpful to discuss what they plan to say with their partner or a friend before talking with their children. Or you may want to involve your breast care nurse in this discussion. Practising the kind of wording you want to use beforehand also helps. The best approach is to keep things simple and try to avoid detailed, complicated explanations. See what questions your children ask and if you don’t know the answer say so. It’s important not to make things up, as children will usually remember what you say even though you may not. One of the most difficult things for many adults is using the word cancer because it has so many negative associations. This is not necessarily true for children, who may simply accept that it is the name for what is wrong with you and may have overheard this word used in the family or at school anyway. If you can, it is best to use the word cancer from the beginning, and to explain it in language that your children understand. For example, the word cancer becomes less frightening for everyone if it is described as cells that are different from normal and have grown faster than other cells in the body. Visit www.breastcancercare.org.uk Talking with your children about breast cancer | 13 ‘I told him that Mummy had a lump in her breast called cancer and that she needed to go into hospital to get the lump removed. I told him that I would only need to be there for a couple of nights and that he could come to see me while I was there.’ Catrin ‘I said: “We’ve got some bad news for you. The doctors have found cancer in Mummy’s right breast. It is spread throughout the whole breast so they are going to have to do a mastectomy”.’ Eleanor ‘We used the word cancer with Natasha. It was not a term that Alexis was familiar with so it would have been meaningless to her to use the word cancer. More recently, we have used the word cancer with Alexis such as “cancer, that is the illness Perlita had”.’ Perlita Call our Helpline on 0808 800 6000 14 | Telling your children If you have more than one child, even if they are different ages it may be a good idea to begin by telling them together so that they start with the same information. They will understand and take different things away and it’s likely that siblings will talk to one another. It can be useful to encourage this so they are better able to support one another. Try to make sure your children get accurate information about your breast cancer and treatment, otherwise they may go looking for information themselves or imagine the worst case scenarios. You should let them know that if they want to, they can come back to you, or to their brothers or sisters, to ask more. You can also make time to talk with them individually at a later date. It’s important to talk about what’s going on in front of the children and avoid whispered conversations. Although this may feel difficult, talking and being as open as possible about the situation may help you and your family at this time. ‘The key thing for me was that the girls knew that I wasn’t hiding anything from them, and that what I told them was the complete truth, as far as I knew it. I encouraged them to ask any questions they might have, and assured them that if I knew the answer (and I might not know the answer) I would tell the truth and not try to fob them off.’ Jenny ‘I was very glad that I used the word cancer whenever we talked about what was happening. It has normalised it for him and he is able to talk about it to me and I don’t need to shy away from talking about cancer in front of him. In fact, he is a very enthusiastic supporter of Breast Cancer Care!’ Catrin Visit www.breastcancercare.org.uk Talking with your children about breast cancer | 17 How children may react Children react differently depending on their age, temperament, stage of development and the relationship they have with you. So it’s hard to predict what will happen when you tell your children about your breast cancer. You may find yourself faced with some difficult questions. Children may ask you about the future and who will look after them, whether you will be cured or whether you are going to die. It is important to be as honest and open as you can but it is fine to say that you don’t know. Try to be realistic, yet hopeful, but be careful not to make promises you are not sure you can keep. Alternatively, they may respond by asking what is for tea or if they can go and watch the television. Most of all, your children need to know that everyone’s doing all they can to make you better, that you still love and care for them, and that there are things they can do to help. Like adults, some children find it easier to express their emotions than others. Try to give them time and opportunities to talk about how they feel, but it’s best not to push them if they would rather not talk, especially at first. Your children may prefer to talk things over with their friends rather than with you, especially if they are older. If this is the case, you may want to talk with friends’ parents first, so that everyone is saying the same thing and your children aren’t frightened by half-truths or wrong information. Children may respond to the news in a similar way to adults. They may not feel like eating, their sleep may be disturbed and they may have trouble concentrating at school or with homework. They may get angry or upset over what seem like relatively small problems and setbacks. Younger children particularly may revert to behaviour that they haven’t shown for a long time, such as baby talk or bed-wetting. The important thing is to be sensitive to changes in their behaviour or mood. These are to be expected and are a normal response. Call our Helpline on 0808 800 6000 18 | How children may react Sudden unacceptable behaviour and poor school results may be a sign that your child is feeling worried or insecure. You won’t want your breast cancer to become an excuse for this, but you’ll want your child to know that you understand that this is a difficult time for them too. Many parents find that bending the rules a little doesn’t hurt, but that it isn’t a good idea to ignore seriously poor behaviour. Children are likely to be more anxious and upset if the rules suddenly change. Clear limits and boundaries can help them maintain a sense of normality and cope with their anxieties a little better. At times children may appear to be thoughtless and unkind, but that’s because they have other things aside from the cancer on their minds, such as school or friends, which is how it should be. But they can also be very supportive, and will sometimes surprise you by doing or saying something that shows they understand. In some cases, children may have more serious or longer-term problems as a result of a parent’s illness. If you are concerned about how a young child is coping, it might be helpful to consider that children can feel more comfortable opening up to others, particularly if they feel they have to stay strong within the family. Your GP, school nurse or specialist team may be able to point you in the right direction to get some help from trained school counsellors, or professionals with specific training in working with children and their families. You may find it useful to read our factsheet Breast cancer and your child’s school which gives information about possible ways that might help to communicate with a child’s school about your diagnosis and treatment. It may also be useful to look at the section ‘When to seek help’ if you feel you need further support. Visit www.breastcancercare.org.uk Talking with your children about breast cancer | 19 ‘All of them asked detailed, age appropriate questions. From the word go they were all very supportive of me and each of them, according to their differing ages and characters, found ways to help the family as a whole.’ Eleanor ‘Discuss with the children what they want their school to know. One of my daughters specifically asked that the teachers didn’t try to talk to her about it, but that she would speak to them if she needed to.’ Jenny Call our Helpline on 0808 800 6000 20 | How children may react Under six What you say to very young children about your breast cancer will depend on the words you normally use for breasts and feeling ill. You won’t want to frighten them or overload them with information but you may decide to tell them that your breast – or whatever word they use for it – is sick or sore and that you are going to hospital to make it better. As well as talking, you may want to show them what is happening on dolls or teddies or draw pictures. Storybooks can also help to explain things and prompt questions (see the list of books for children at the end of this booklet). It is always a good idea to read through a book you want to use first, before sharing it with your children, to make sure it fits in with your circumstances. You might like to share the book Mummy’s Lump with your children. It’s a simple picture book aimed at the under sevens and follows a family through the mum’s diagnosis and treatment for breast cancer. Most young children don’t like changes to their routine or may worry about being separated from you. When you go into hospital they need to know that you will be back soon, and that they won’t be left alone or with someone they don’t know. They need to know details about who will be giving them their meals, taking them to nursery and putting them to bed. If you have to stay in hospital for a few days, they can visit once you feel well enough. It will be reassuring for them to see where you are and know that you want to see them. It is a good idea to explain to them that you both need to be extra careful when cuddling and that you may not be able to pick them up for a while. With very young children, one of the most important things is to make it clear from the start that your illness is not their fault. Young children sometimes blame themselves for what happens to the adults in their lives and they may link your breast cancer to something they’ve said or done, such as telling you that they hate you in the middle of a tantrum. This can make them feel guilty, so they need to be reassured, whether or not they tell you their fears. Visit www.breastcancercare.org.uk Talking with your children about breast cancer | 21 They may also think that your illness is catching, like chicken pox or a cold, so you may need to explain that this is not the case. If you do not have family and friends living close by who can help with childcare, the social worker at the hospital or the Daycare Trust (see ‘Useful addresses’ section) can give you advice about childcare in your area. ‘My dad had recently died of prostate cancer (he died in April 2003, and I was diagnosed in May 2003). Again we didn’t shy away from the cancer word. However, when I was driving Rhodri to nursery on the morning that I was due to go into hospital, I asked him if he would like to come and visit me in hospital later that evening. He replied “but what if I’m too late?” We then talked about me not dying that day.’ Catrin Call our Helpline on 0808 800 6000 22 | How children may react 7–12 years In this age group it can help to try to find out how much children know about cancer so that you can correct any misunderstandings, for example, that everyone who has cancer will die. Even if you are reluctant to use the word cancer your children or their friends will probably know the word anyway from other people or from the television or the internet. They may understand more about it than you realise, know that there are different types of cancer and that people can recover from it. A good place to start with children of this age may be to tell them what has happened and what you and the doctors are going to do about it. Most children study the human body at primary school and will have some basic ideas about cells and the different parts of the body. You may want to look at some factual information with them or read a suitable story. If you can, try to talk with them about how you feel and encourage them to talk about their feelings too. If you are going to have chemotherapy it is worth preparing your children for the side effects you may experience such as nausea, tiredness and the fact that you might lose your hair. Equally, you should also explain to them that these symptoms will eventually subside and your hair will grow back. ‘We told them Perlita was going to be taking some medicine that may make her lose her hair. Alexis would rush to the door each time Perlita came home to see if she had lost her hair. She had no concept of time and so was expecting her hair to be gone straight away even before Perlita had started chemotherapy. She was most disappointed that it was taking so long to happen! When Perlita did lose her hair and had her head shaved, there was a big smile on Alexis’s face. She said that Perlita looked cool and had a nice shaped head.’ Chris Visit www.breastcancercare.org.uk Talking with your children about breast cancer | 23 Once you have a diagnosis, telling their teacher and possibly the school nurse will help prepare them for answering questions or giving your children extra support. Again, you may find our factsheet Breast cancer and your child’s school helpful. School age children are more aware of how your illness affects them, and they may be very anxious or resentful. Routine is just as important for them as for younger children. They want to know that the detail of their daily lives will not change dramatically. Who will take them to school? Who will care for them after school? Who will cook their tea? They need to know that once you’re feeling better you’ll be doing these things again. Call our Helpline on 0808 800 6000 24 | How children may react ‘[My 12-year-old] was concerned that as I’m a single parent they might be shipped off to relatives and lose their own home lives. But I was able to reassure them that, firstly, I wasn’t intending on popping my socks before they had left home and built their own lives so they were stuck with me for a good long while. And, secondly, that if I was hit by a bus tomorrow their older siblings, both adults, would step in and keep their home together.’ Jenny ‘I visited Mary’s school and told her teacher so that she would gain support there. This was very beneficial as her teacher was able to understand when she was upset and she felt confident enough to discuss her feelings with him.’ Karen Visit www.breastcancercare.org.uk Talking with your children about breast cancer | 25 Teenagers Most teenagers will have heard of cancer and may know – or think they know – something about it. They or their friends may also know people who have died from cancer, so it’s useful to find out how much they know about breast cancer. For example, do they know that treatments used today can be very effective and having breast cancer doesn’t automatically mean you are going to die? Teenagers may want more detail about breast cancer and your treatment but they may also prefer to find out about it on their own. You may want to point them towards reliable sources of information such as Breast Cancer Care’s booklets or website – there are also other sources of support in the back of this booklet. Some teenagers may appear unconcerned about the whole thing and, like some adults, try to pretend it’s not happening. You might find this hurtful, but they may cope by ignoring your breast cancer and carrying on as if nothing has happened. Others may be more emotional and some may be angry and appear resentful. It’s important not to take this personally and allow them to express themselves. Although they may not want to talk to anyone about your cancer at first, you may want to brief someone else they are close to, such as a grandparent or family friend, to listen and answer questions if the need arises. ‘Glen struggled to come to terms with it and became very withdrawn for quite a period of time. He admitted later that he had found it very difficult as he was very scared I would die.’ Karen ‘My 14-year-old found it a bit difficult, and wanted to do something specific to show her support. When I found out I would have to have chemotherapy and would lose my long hair, she said she would also get her lovely long hair cut short and would raise money doing so.’ Jenny Call our Helpline on 0808 800 6000 26 | How children may react Teenagers may be anxious that they will get breast cancer too, particularly if they have heard that it can run in families. In fact, more than 90 % of breast cancers are not related to family history and you may want to reassure your children about this. Boys going through puberty may find it embarrassing to talk about breast cancer. They may be upset about what is happening, but be unable to talk to you about it. It may be easier for fathers to talk with their sons in this situation, or for another male relative or friend to talk with them. One thing that all teenagers have in common is that they are easily embarrassed – especially by their parents. Appearances are very important to them and they may need reassurance that, fully dressed, you will look the same as before. If you are going to have chemotherapy you may want to talk to them about the possibility of losing your hair and that it will grow back. Your illness may come at a particularly difficult time for teenagers. It is normal for teenagers to be struggling with feelings of wanting independence and to break away from their parents or family, and they may not know how to negotiate with a parent who needs to depend on them for a change. They may feel torn between wanting to be there for you and dealing with their own lives or problems, such as relationships, friends and exams. ‘They have had to adapt a bit, as I’m not always available to be a taxi driver, but they have managed, and discovered that it IS possible to get from A to B on a bus!’ Jenny Visit www.breastcancercare.org.uk 28 | How children may react ‘They all understood. My mother died of breast cancer when I was 15 so they were familiar with the term mastectomy. Deborah asked some questions – how long had we known, how did we find out, when would they operate, how was I? She told me afterwards that she put down the phone, went into her bedroom and cried and prayed. Naomi and Emily both came and sat on my knee and sobbed. They were both very upset and frightened. They were aware of my experience as a child, and Naomi’s friend’s mother had died of breast cancer recently.’ Eleanor ‘Chris used the word breast cancer when talking to Natasha. Natasha asked, “Are you going to die?” We assured her that I would not and she responded with, “Oh, I thought it was something serious!” Natasha then wanted to leave the room and go back downstairs to her friend.‘ Perlita Visit www.breastcancercare.org.uk Talking with your children about breast cancer | 29 Keep talking Telling your children that you have breast cancer, answering their questions and dealing with their initial responses may be just the beginning. There will be ups and downs before your treatment is finished and you are feeling well again. Throughout that time it’s important to keep the lines of communication open. From time to time there will be fresh news to give your children about your treatment and the results. They will probably come up with new questions in response to the news. Often the questions may take you by surprise, perhaps when you’re cooking or watching TV rather than when you’re ready and prepared. You may want to consider encouraging older children to talk with your doctors and nurses, perhaps when you go for a hospital appointment. This can help them to realise that a lot is being done to help you and that hospitals can be friendly, supportive places. ‘Emily told me recently that she overheard me making phone calls telling relatives and close friends the news. She said she hated hearing me say over and over again that there was cancer in my breast. I wish I had made sure she wasn’t within earshot, or that I had delegated that task since Emily didn’t want to leave my side.’ Eleanor ‘I told all the children that I would discuss it with them at any time and not hide the truth from them. I was open with them all the time and they would often tease me about aspects such as losing my hair.’ Karen Call our Helpline on 0808 800 6000 Talking with your children about breast cancer | 31 Children can be very accepting or very curious of physical changes and after surgery they may ask about your scar or whether you look different. You might want to explain to them what the surgeons have done, but whether or not you show them will depend on you and them and what is normal in your family. The question may not arise if they are not used to seeing you undressed, but if they are, it may simply happen naturally. You may need some extra privacy for a while – you can explain that you’re not shutting them out, you just need a little time. Your children may wonder what you’re using to replace your missing breast if you’ve had a mastectomy. If you are wearing a prosthesis they may want to see and feel it. If you’re planning reconstructive surgery, you may decide to wait until it’s completed before asking your children how they feel about seeing what you look like. Again, if you explain why you’d rather wait, your children will feel less excluded and anxious. If you are having radiotherapy or chemotherapy, you may want to warn your children that you might feel ill, grumpy or tired at times and you might need some extra help. Being able to help can make younger children feel important, so perhaps you can give them one or two small, regular jobs. Older children may be helpful and co-operative from time to time but it’s important not to expect them to take on too much responsibility. ‘The main difference it made to them was that Perlita practically lived with them following the surgery and for the duration of the chemotherapy. They became used to Perlita sleeping and resting lot. They were both able to talk with one or both of us about the diagnosis and treatment whenever they wanted to.’ Chris Call our Helpline on 0808 800 6000 Talking with your children about breast cancer | 33 When to seek help If there are long-standing concerns with your child’s behaviour or their emotional wellbeing these may be more noticeable at a time of anxiety (like your diagnosis of breast cancer or during your treatment) and this may make their behaviour more difficult to deal with – especially when you need to be able to concentrate on your own health and wellbeing. Try to see if you can understand the meaning of the behaviour rather than react to it. If you notice your child having long periods where they are feeling low, withdrawn or not being interested in what is going on around them talk to your GP or treatment team. If necessary they can refer your child to a counsellor or to your local child and adolescent mental health service. ‘They were very upset and Emily had nightmares. But we found many ways to distract ourselves and make things easier. Naomi helped me design a quilt to make during treatment and Emily helped chose the fabric. We spoke to Deborah a lot more frequently on the phone and kept her up to date. She wrote me long encouraging letters. They supported each other – and still do, knowing the condition is terminal.’ Eleanor Call our Helpline on 0808 800 6000 Talking with your children about breast cancer | 35 When treatment is over When your treatment is finished, it’s understandable that your children want you ‘back to normal’ as soon as possible. They may want reassurance that you’re better and won’t be ill again, but they also want their own lives to return to normal. This may not always be straightforward for the whole family, particularly in the early weeks and months. Children may find this hard to grasp, especially if they feel they have been thoughtful and considerate during treatment. You may need to explain that getting better can take quite a long time, weeks or even months. They may also have lingering doubts about your recovery. When you have a follow-up appointment this might be a worry for them as well as you. Also, if someone they know is later diagnosed with cancer, or someone’s mum has died, it can bring some of the worries back. You need to try to continue to be as honest as you can, without making promises you may not be able to keep. It is probably best to say that you and your doctors hope that you won’t be ill again and reassure your children that, whatever happens, they will always be looked after and cared for. Once again, talking with them about how you and they feel is probably the best way to deal with any concerns. If you have been able to establish an open and trusting relationship during your cancer, you will hopefully be able to continue to talk about your feelings and acknowledge any worries that arise. Each stage of your treatment and recovery will bring different feelings, different anxieties and different highs and lows. But if you are able to talk honestly and openly with your child or children at each step, most families can be a great source of love and support. Call our Helpline on 0808 800 6000 36 | When treatment is over ‘Make plans for after treatment is finished and between treatments as this shows them that life will get back to normal.’ Karen ‘I wish I’d been able to keep on top of my own emotions a bit more and not shouted at them for silly things, particularly at the very beginning when I was trying to get my head round the diagnosis. That made me feel really guilty, and I cried myself to sleep that night because I’d taken out my worries on my lovely girls.’ Jenny ‘In many ways, having cancer when I did had many positives. I was able to take Rhodri to school for all of his first year at school, which I wouldn’t have done if I hadn’t been diagnosed. It helped him and me come to terms with the life-changing diagnosis.’ Catrin Visit www.breastcancercare.org.uk Talking with your children about breast cancer | 37 Further support Breast Cancer Care From diagnosis, throughout treatment and beyond, our services are here every step of the way. Here is an overview of all the services we offer to people living with and beyond breast cancer. Helpline Our free, confidential Helpline is here for anyone who has questions about breast cancer or breast health. Your call will be answered by one of our nurses or trained staff members with experience of breast cancer. Whatever your concern, you can be confident we will understand the issues you might be facing, and that the information you receive is clear and up to date. We will also let you know where else you can go for further support. Website We know how important it is to understand as much as possible about your breast cancer. Our website is here round the clock giving you instant access to information when you need it. As well as clinical information, you’ll find real life experiences and a daily newsblog on stories about breast cancer in the media. It’s also home to the largest online breast cancer community in the UK, so you can share your questions or concerns with other people in a similar situation. Our map of breast cancer services www.breastcancercare. org.uk/map is an interactive tool, designed to help you find breast cancer services in your local area, wherever you live in the UK. Call our Helpline on 0808 800 6000 38 | Further support Discussion Forums Through our Discussion Forums you can exchange tips on coping with the side effects of treatment, ask questions, share experiences and talk through concerns online. Our dedicated areas for popular topics should make it easy for you to find the information you’re looking for. The Discussion Forums are easy to use and professionally hosted. If you’re feeling anxious or just need to hear from someone else who’s been there, they offer a way to gain support and reassurance from others in a similar situation to you. One-to-One Support Our One-to-One Support service can put you in touch with someone who knows what you’re going through. Just tell us what you’d like to talk about (the shock of your diagnosis, understanding treatment options or your feelings after finishing treatment, for example), and we can find someone who’s right for you. Our experienced volunteers give you the chance to talk openly away from family and friends. Live Chat We host weekly Live Chat sessions on our website, offering you a private space to discuss your concerns with others – getting instant responses to messages and talking about issues that are important to you. Each session is professionally facilitated and there’s a specialist nurse on hand to answer questions. Ask the Nurse If you find it difficult to talk about breast cancer, we can answer your questions by email instead. Our Ask the Nurse service is available on the website – complete a short form that includes your question and we’ll get back to you with a confidential, personal response. Visit www.breastcancercare.org.uk Talking with your children about breast cancer | 39 Information and Support Sessions and Courses We run Moving Forward Information and Support Sessions for people living with and beyond breast cancer. These sessions cover a range of topics including adjusting and adapting after a breast cancer diagnosis, exercise and keeping well, and menopause. In addition, we offer Lingerie Evenings where you will learn more about choosing a bra after surgery. We also offer a HeadStrong service where you can find alternatives to a wig and meet other people who understand the distress of losing your hair. Our Younger Women’s Forums, Living with Secondary Breast Cancer courses and Seca Support Groups for people with secondary breast cancer are also here to offer specific, tailored support. Information Resources Our free Information Resources for anyone affected by breast cancer include factsheets, booklets and DVDs. They are here to answer your questions, help you make informed decisions and ensure you know what to expect. All of our information is written and reviewed regularly by healthcare professionals and people affected by breast cancer, so you can trust the information is up to date, clear and accurate. You can order our publications using our order form, which can be requested from the Helpline. All our publications can also be ordered or downloaded as PDFs from our website. Call our Helpline on 0808 800 6000 40 | Further support Further reading Books for parents Breast cancer and your child’s school Breast Cancer Care, 2011 This factsheet is to help people affected by breast cancer communicate with their child’s school about their diagnosis and treatment. Talking To Children When An Adult Has Cancer Macmillan Cancer Support, 2011 A booklet and CD outlining steps parents can take to help their children understand what is happening. As Big as it Gets: Supporting a Child When a Parent is Seriously Ill Julie Stokes and Di Stubbs Winston’s Wish, September 2007 ISBN 978 0 9539123 9 1 This booklet aims to help parents and children cope with a serious illness in the family. How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish Piccadilly Press, April 2001 ISBN 1 85340 705 4 A guide to practical and effective communication with children. American. There is also a version aimed specifically at teenagers. Books for children Mummy’s Lump Breast Cancer Care For young children, this picture book is for any family who needs to talk about the difficult subject of cancer. It covers diagnosis, going to the hospital, treatment and hair loss. Visit www.breastcancercare.org.uk Talking with your children about breast cancer | 41 The Secret C – Straight Talking About Cancer Julie A Stokes Winston’s Wish, 2009 ISBN 0955953928 A book to help adults and children talk openly about the issues and feelings involved when someone has cancer. For ages 7-10. Sammy’s Mommy Has Cancer Sherry Kohlenberg Magination Press, New York, 1993 ISBN 0 945354 55 X A sensitive, straightforward, illustrated American storybook for children aged 3–8. The Rainbow Feelings of Cancer: A book for children who have a loved one with cancer Carrie Martin and Chia Martin Hohm Press, October 2001 ISBN 189077216X An American book with the pictures drawn by the child which is quite realistic and down to earth and could be useful as a starting point for conversations about living with a parent with cancer. The Year My Mother Was Bald Ann Speltz and Kate Sternberg Washington: Magination Press, January 2003 ISBN 1557988889 For ages 8–13. The character Clare’s journal and about scrapbook the year her mother is diagnosed with cancer and goes through treatment. Clare tells her story, shares her feelings, and describes her family’s experiences from her mother’s diagnosis to chemotherapy, surgery and radiotherapy. Call our Helpline on 0808 800 6000 42 | Further support Other organisations General organisations Daycare Trust 2nd Floor, Novas Contemporary Urban Centre, 73–81 Southwark Bridge Road, London SE1 0NQ Tel: 0845 872 6260 (020 7940 7510) Fax: 020 7940 7515 Website: www.daycaretrust.org.uk Email: [email protected] Daycare Trust is a national childcare charity that has been working since November 1986 to promote high quality affordable childcare for all. Offers information and services to help people make the right decision about childcare for their child. Partnership for Children 26–27 Market Place, Kingston upon Thames, Surrey KT1 1JH Telephone: 020 8974 6004 Website: www.partnershipforchildren.org.uk Email: [email protected] An independent charity that works to promote the mental health and emotional wellbeing of children and young people around the world. Riprap Website: www.riprap.org.uk A website offering support and advice for 12–16 year olds who have a parent with cancer. Includes real-life stories, discussion forums, information and tips. Visit www.breastcancercare.org.uk Talking with your children about breast cancer | 43 Cancer organisations Macmillan Cancer Support 89 Albert Embankment London SE1 7UQ General enquiries: 020 7840 7840 Helpline: 0808 808 0000 Website: www.macmillan.org.uk Textphone: 0808 808 0121 or Text Relay Macmillan Cancer Support provides practical, medical, emotional and financial support to people living with cancer and their carers and families. Over the phone, its cancer support specialists can answer questions about cancer types and treatments, provide practical and financial support to help people live with cancer. Its website features expert, high-quality information on cancer types and treatments, emotional, financial and practical help, and an online community where people can share information and support. Macmillan also funds expert health and social care professionals such as nurses, doctors and benefits advisers. Call our Helpline on 0808 800 6000 Breast Cancer Care is here for anyone affected by breast cancer. We bring people together, provide information and support, and campaign for improved standards of care. We use our understanding of people’s experience of breast cancer and our clinical expertise in everything we do. Visit www.breastcancercare.org.uk or call our free Helpline on 0808 800 6000 (Text Relay 18001). Interpreters are available in any language. Calls may be monitored for training purposes. Confidentiality is maintained between callers and Breast Cancer Care. Central Office Breast Cancer Care 5–13 Great Suffolk Street London SE1 0NS Telephone 0845 092 0800 Fax 0845 092 0820 Email [email protected] © Breast Cancer Care, December 2011, BCC50 Edition No 4, next planned review 2013 ISBN 978 1 907001 61 1 Registered charity in England and Wales (1017658) Registered charity in Scotland (SC038104) Registered company in England (2447182)
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