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FTJC Communal Luncheon
Saturday, May 2, 2015,
following morning services
Better Red than Dead:
A Culinary Tribute to the Red Army
On this very day, May 2nd, in 1945, Berlin fell to the Red Army. Used mostly as the tool of Soviet
imperialism, the Red Army, nonetheless, did the world a favor when it reduced Berlin and its presumptive
Thousand Year Reich to rubble.
It should be noted here that the Red Army, commanded by Field Marshal Georgy Zhukov at the siege of
Berlin, was founded and organized, in 1917, by Leon Trotsky, who became its first Commissar and chief
strategist. Trotsky, although Jewish and a Menshevik before he became a Bolshevik, was widely considered to be Lenin’s successor, but was overwhelmed by Josef Stalin’s ruthless use of the Soviet bureaucratic apparatus to consolidate power personally. Trotsky was exiled to Mexico and, in 1940, assassinated
on Stalin’s order. In honor of the Red Army and its creator, Leon Trotsky, this afternoon’s luncheon will
feature chromatically, ethnically and politically red dishes.
First course: Panzanella salad with bell peppers, tomatoes, red onions, basil and toasted Italian bread
croutons, served in honor of the Italian Communist Party. General Mark Clark, Commander of American
forces in Italy reportedly asked Field Marshal Sir Harold Alexander, C-in-C Allied armies in the Mediterranean, who put the 22 bullet holes in Benito Mussolini. Alexander reportedly replied: “3000 Italian
Commie sharpshooters.” Really, Sir Harold, how ever are we going to win the peace being so politically
insensitive?
Veggie entrée: Enchiladas stuffed with vegan “chicken” and mushrooms, and glazed with red mole
sauce. A favorite dish of left wing muralist Diego Rivera and the reason that Frieda Kahlo left him. It
wasn’t his serial infidelities that drove her away she later admitted; it was the garlic, oh, the garlic, and the
damned pepitas that stuck in her teeth. Our mole sauce uses less garlic and no pepitas.
Meat entrée: Langue de bœuf dans une sauce de piment rouge aigre-douce. Bukharin red beef chili, but
written in French, the language spoken by the Russian Court and nobility including the Tsarist Army
General Staff before it was trounced by the Red Army under Trotsky’s command.
Side dish:
Vegetarian paella in honor of the gallant volunteers of the Abraham Lincoln Brigade
whose poor rations during the Spanish Civil War included virtually no meat at all. But they did sing all
the great songs of the war. A Las Barricadas, Die Moorsoldaten and Los Cuatro Generales to name a
few.
Kids’ meat entrée: Chicken fingers and rice in recognition of our detente with Communist Cuba.
Kids’ vegetarian entrée: Sesame noodles, straight (at least conceptually) from Red China.
Dessert:
Fresh strawberries with lemon sorbet and maple-anise syrup. No special provenance; it just
tastes good.