1. No category

March 26 – April 1, 2015
34st.com
KINOKI SENIOR SOCIETY + I LOVE YOU BUT... + MAGIC MAN INTERVIEW
march 26
LOL
PUPPYFROMTHEEDITOR
2015
3 HIGHBROW
When you no longer have a home, a pet gives you a place to belong. That’s what
Patriot, my stupid, fluffy, wide-eyed, snoring best friend did.
Last May, the home I’d lived in for 20 years burned down. Ironically, due to
pets—an electrical fire in my sister’s fish tank.
Thank god my dad and my dog, the only people (yes, Patriot is a person) at 533
Hammond, escaped the burning home. But I lost every thing that validated my
home—the bin of mutilated Barbies in the basement, the family photos in the
mudroom, the tennis trophies on my bookshelf, the Penn acceptance letter taped
over my desk. I can't recognize the objects, the smell, the mess, the address I called,
and still, call home. Home is charcoal residue.
My dad and Patriot moved into 53 Eliot Memorial Road, a rental house filled
with rental furniture and new floors. My dad picked the rental house because it
gave Patriot a fenced yard to chase bees (and get stung by bees) and bark at flowers.
And even with nothing I knew at 53 Eliot Memorial, with nothing that belonged to me, I felt at home there because Patriot still begged for cheese and still
snored like an asshole.
It was Patriot who showed me that I still have a home. That we can make new
memories and remember what was by telling stories. It was Patriot who showed me
that puppy eyes are irresistable everywhere. It was Patriot who taught my family to
love again.
He died of heart failure. Like so many Cavalier King Charles Spaniels, he
struggled with heart problems throughout his twelve years of life. Call it whatever
medical term you want to call it, but Patriot's heart failed him because he loved
and loved and loved. And when he loved his family back to home, he had served
his purpose on earth.
Now, he’s in doggie heaven, lounging on a cloud of Kraft Singles.
For all you Penn pet owners, I am so jealous of you. I would give anything for a
pet at Penn. And I know that I can’t give a pet the love a pet deserves. So I admire
you. And I hope that you will allow me to pet your hairless cat.
i love you but..., round
up, overheards
4 WORD ON THE
STREET
working at pod
5 EGO
o o
( *.* )
(") (")LOL
( O )
(") (")
LOL
LOL
eotw matt hanessian
7 MUSIC
pussy riot, magic man
10 FEATURE
pets on pets on pets
12 FILM
kinoki...not gnocchi
14 FOOD & DRINK
getting potlucky
LOL
Woof, bark, meow,
16 ARTS
wilcaf art
(Photo: Alexandra Sternlicht)
LOL
18 LOWBROW
lowbrow science
20 BACKPAGE
kinky penn
o o
( *.* )
(") (")
( O )
(") (")
THIS IS SYLVESTER. HE IS OUR PARTY BEAR. HE LIKES
ARTISANAL HONEY AND KINKY SEX THINGS. HE IS COMING TO OUR WRITERS MEETING. 4015 'NUT. 6:30PM. TN.
WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE ENOUGH FOR REAL PETS.
34TH STREET MAGAZINE
Alexandra Sternlicht, Editor–in–Chief
Marley Coyne, Managing Editor
Ariela Osuna, Digital Director
Ling Zhou, Design Editor
Byrne Fahey, Design Editor
Corey Fader, Photo Editor
Galit Krifcher, Assistant Design
Holly Li, Assistant Design
Amy Chen, Assistant Photo
Conor Cook, Highbrow
Elie Sokoloff, Highbrow
Katie Hartman, Word on the Street
Randi Kramer, Ego
Casey Quackenbush, Ego
Natasha Doherty, Food and Drink
2
3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E M A R C H 2 6 , 2 01 5
Ryan Zahalka, Food and Drink
Cassandra Kyriazis, Film and TV
Orly Greenberg, Film and TV
Clare Lombardo, Features
Amanda Suarez, Features
Caroline Marques, Music
Amanda Silberling, Music
Justin Sheen, Arts
Molly Collett, Arts
Rosa Escandon, Lowbrow
Mikaela Gilbert–Lurie, Lowbrow
Kimberly Lu, Backpage
Mark Paraskevas, Copy Editor
Sarah Fox, Copy Editor
Pat Goodridge, Copy Editor
Mark Paraskevas, Marketing Director
Giulia Imholte, Social Media Editor
Rachel Rubin, Digital Designer
Kyle Bryce-Borthwick, Video Editor
Alex Cohn, Web Producer
Mara Veitch, Web Producer
COVER PHOTO: Amanda Suarez
BACKPAGE DESIGN: Holly Li
Unless otherwise noted, all photos are by Corey Fader
and Amy Chen.
Contributors:
Katie Dumke, Syra Ortiz Barnes, Frances Patano, Talia
Sternman, Spencer Winston
Contacting 34th Street Magazine:
If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to
the editor, email Alexandra Sternlicht, Editor–in–Chief,
at [email protected]. You can also call us at (215) 8986585. To place an ad, call (215) 898-6581.
www.34st.com
"I'd never just go 'Oh, I'm bored—let me just hook up with
Ryan.'"
©2015 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc.
No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without
the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will
give you the a-okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015
Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday.
HIGHBROW
I LOVE YOU,
BUT
over
heard
PENN
at
...YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA
PRESENCE SUCKS
Apes freshman to Apes
freshman: I don’t know
if you remember this,
but I straight licked
your face.
PhiDelt bro: You look
Sephardic as fuck.
These are the reasons why you need to do significantly less:
...we get it: you have a boyfriend. Like
a dog who has peed on a tree, your
200+ photos have marked your territory. No one will go near him.
...stop posting PicStitch collages and
essays for your people’s birthdays. We
get it—they’re literally your NSOul
mates.
...you’re grammar is shit.*
*your
...how did you take 500+ photos in
two days and edit them all? What
happened to studying for your Econ
midterm?
....your captions are not witty. “Penn”
does not rhyme with “Penis.”
....nobody is following your lame
Tumblr with inspirational quotes and
filtered pictures of the Quad in the fall.
...why do you keep checking in on
Four Square? I’m right next to you.
We’re at Allegro, not Pizzeria Vetri.
...anyone under the age of 30 is qualified to be a social media intern.
...no one wants to watch your 120+
second Snapstory from Afrojack. Every
song still sounds the same, especially
when it’s not in person.
THEROUNDUP
We hope a cute leprechaun sham–
rocked your world this past weekend. Highbrow met a sexy ginger
named Pat McCrotch who was after
our lucky charms all day. We know
you were green with envy, but that’s
nothing that can’t be fixed with a
little puff from your pot of gold. If
you really have the luck of the Irish,
you won’t end up in the Round Up.
As Ke$ha once said: this place
about to BLOW. A group of freshmen boys went to dinner at a certain gastropub near campus before
they rolled out for a late night down-
town. Highbrow hears that one eager
beaver whipped out a vial of coke at
the table and showed his friends. As
they say, share a Coke with a friend!
The boys finished their meals and
left the restaurant, but there was
one teensy issue: about ten minutes
after their departure, our cocky coke
friend realized that he didn’t have
his vial–o’–drugs. From what we
hear, the coke is still at the restaurant—Highbrow’s forecast predicts
snow this spring for the kitchen staff.
Watch out for IVs, you little Ivy
League leprechauns. After downing a
...why do you geotag fraternities? You
are surrounded by 50 short Jewish
boys—I think I know where you are.
...everyone saw your Instagram before
you deleted it. We just didn’t like
it because you already posted three
today.
...stop poking me on Facebook. I’m a
pacifist—I don’t believe in poke wars.
...why do you still have a Formspring?
...your dog isn’t cute enough to have
its own Instagram.
fifth of vodka on Saturday morning,
one freshman boy got MERT–ed at
a backlot day party. When the boy
woke up in the hospital, he had no
memory of how he had gotten there
and wanted to leave ASAP. While the
nurse was gone, he pulled out all
the IVs and wires from his body,
stuffed them in his socks and made
a run for it. Later that night, the
police found him back on campus,
but let him off the hook. O’Shit!
We have an Uber embarrassing
story for you. One international
sceneior got a little wild at a bar on
Friday night. Under the influence
of some special substances, she went
outside to wait for the transportation
she had requested. In her confusion,
she mistook a random West Philly
Strocialite: I think I
look a lot like the moon
emoji.
Engineers in Starbucks
at am: Don’t sleep.
You’ll die. But you’ll
also die if you stay
awake.
Skinny Omega: I want
to eat because I don’t
want to black out, but
I like, don’t want to eat
either.
Blonde girl going
through her friend’s
Facebook: What the
fuck are you doing with
your life? You were so
cute in high school.
civilian for her Uber driver. When
the girl entered the back of the car
and told the “driver” her destination,
the woman flipped out and started
to scream. The woman didn’t even
have to lure her with candy! Looks
like her chaffeur showed her.
Also, what the fuck is happening with AXO? Highbrow certainly
hopes it's a HOAX...
The Round Up is a gossip column and the stories
are gathered though tips and word of mouth. Although we verify all the information in the Round
Up with multiple sources, the column should be
regarded as campus buzz and not as fact.
M A R C H 2 6 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E
3
WOTS
word
on
the
STREET
CONFESSIONS OF A
POD EMPLOYEE
O
nce upon a time, I was a Pod–
goer like you.
As a suburban–bred freshman, I was eager to prove to my parents
I was a sophisticated city dweller. I made
reservations at the nearby, hip sushi
restaurant to show them how upscale
University City could be. I scoffed at the
prices, but ordered whatever my heart
desired because my parents were paying,
and I’d be damned if I didn’t get my fill of
non–Commons food.
Then, I started working there.
I began hostessing at Pod following
a futile work–study search, though the
choice was also born of genuine interest: Making some money at the betchiest
restaurant on campus? Does this make me
socially relevant? Sure! Why not?
While I was grateful for the opportunity to help my parents out, working at
Pod was an unmitigated disaster, and I
eventually quit. While this was in part the
fault of long hours and poor remuneration, the greatest offenders were my very
own classmates.
Working at Pod made me despise Penn
students in a way only Princeton rivals.
(Just kidding, none of them actually
care.)
I was once working the closing shift on
the Friday of parents’ weekend. Scores
of tables had been reserved for a later
event, meaning the dining area looked
deceptively empty for 8pm. A horde of
Penn students, reeking of cigarettes and
alcohol, tumbled in. They asked for a
walk–in table, otherwise known as The
Impossible. In my cooing hostess voice, I
replied that their table wouldn’t be ready
for another 45 minutes.
I turned away to answer a phone and
felt one of the group members grab my
elbow. He pulled me aside and whispered,
“Look, I see empty tables right now.
I don’t understand why I’m not being
seated.” He slipped four single–dollar bills
into my hand.
My fellow Pod employees were largely
Drexel and Temple students who didn’t
love us Quakers either. Their understanding of Penn was restricted to the
4
3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E M A R C H 2 6 , 2 01 5
College sophomore and former Pod hostess tells the
story of what it’s really like to serve classmates (and
occassionally, their parents).
FRANCES PATANO
sample of students frequenting Pod, the
students who could afford $30 takeout
and still leave paltry tips. I grew ashamed
when peers walked into the restaurant.
Once, a group of Whartonites and their
mentor refused to acknowledge me as I
led them to their table. On other occassions, my sorority sisters would teeter in,
wearing high heels and cut–out dresses,
gawking,“You work here? That’s so cute!”
I laughed it off to my fellow employees:
'Oh, those silly classmates of mine with
their wealth and frivolity!' Inwardly, I
cursed their poor reflection on an institution I’d worked so hard to attend.
It’s fine to go out and enjoy a nice meal
with friends, but it’s not fine to forget
the people serving you might be in your
classes. And even if they're not—even if
they’ve never gone to school—their job
doesn’t imply inferiority.
Despite my complaints, I miss working at Pod. Not because my heart is set
on taking group photos in light–up pods,
but because I want to make a good name
for Penn students. Because I want to
prove to my fellow employees that we are
grounded people and some of us need to
work for our education.
Yes, we should all be able to enjoy
gourmet sushi in mood lighting. But we
also need to acknowledge our responsibility as students of higher education to
be respectful, conscientious citizens. If
working at Pod taught me anything, it’s
that my status as an Ivy League student
doesn’t earn me, or anyone else, a pass on
being respectful. Character is never born
from status.
I’m no longer a Pod–goer, as being
waited on by former coworkers is spectacularly awkward. But for those of you
who are Pod-goers, remember to act in a
way you want to reflect your school, your
classmates and yourself.
And for god’s sake, if you’re going
bribe, make it more than $4.
Photo : Katie Dumke
What Do You Think of Penn Kids?
Street visited some of our favorite University City eateries and
asked the servers to tell us what it’s really like to wait on Penn
students.
“My worst experience is pretty bad. One time, this one kid
took all the[beer] taps and pulled them over and was just
sitting there and laughing, and all the beer was spilling. It
was so busy, and I turned around and screamed at him,
of course. That was pretty bad. It’s hard for us to keep a
mirror in the men’s bathroom because every time we get
one, they punch a hole in it. And the ceiling tiles—I don’t
know how many times we’ve had to replace them.”—Renee,
Smokes'
“Those Penn students are the tits.”—Jesse, United By Blue
“They were all really wasted last Saturday. One of them
threw up in here. That was the worst, or maybe the funniest moment. The owner of the restaurant had to carry her
out. She threw up on the carpet.”—Schuyler, Greek Lady
“Penn kids are great. They really behave well. Unlike any
other college students who we get. Sometimes we get
Saint Joe’s students in here. Depends on what kind of
events are at the Palestra. We get Drexel students in here.
It’s a completely different animal when you get the Penn
students in here. They’re no trouble at all.”—Bryan and
Nicole, Copa
“One time during Spring Fling, this girl wanted to use the
bathroom in the back. This bathroom was packed, so I
told her she could use the bathroom in the back. She just
went to the office and she took a piss in the office. So I
had to kick her out. She came back the next year—we were
cool.”—Lou, Allegro
“There’s a lot of nice kids too that come, regulars. We
know their name and everything—invite us to parties and
stuff.”—Dan, Allegro
EGO
EGO OF THE WEEK: MATT HANESSIAN
This tall, Jewish, singing basketball star is a host of contradictions. He can ball out on the court or
court you with his balls. And even Obama thinks he can score.
Street: So what position
[on the basketball team]
do you play?
MH: On JV, I played center. I’m not 6’9” or above,
so I couldn’t really do that
on Varsity. But I play small
forward/power forward [on
varsity].
Street: How tall are you?
MH: I’m 6’5”. 6’6” on the
program. And when I grow
my hair out, I get a little
taller, too.
Street: If you could only
keep one, which would it
be: basketball or singing?
MH: Basketball. I wouldn’t
be able to get myself to
exercise everyday if I didn’t
have basketball. Singing is
more of an internal thing
for me, and as much as I
would like to have it, it’d be
okay if I didn’t.
Street: Do you have any
tips for making a March
Madness bracket?
MH: I think people pick
too many upsets. It doesn’t
happen that often—there’s
a reason they’re upsets.
Street: We found a photo
of you with the superman
logo shaved on your chest,
what was that about?
MH: For Halloween, I
didn’t know what I was going to be and this kid said,
‘Oh you should definitely
shave an “S” into your
chest.’ It was a big enough
hit for Halloween that I
decided to do it again for
spring break, and that was
a blast. Surprisingly, only
guys liked it, girls paid no
attention.
Street: So you have a lot of
chest hair?
MH: Yeah, I do. I shaved
recently. It’s Armenian
heritage.
Street: How long did it
take to grow back?
MH: About a month.
Street: Tell us your
thoughts on manscaping.
MH: Necessary for me. I
embrace it.
Street: If you had a superpower which would it be?
MH: Teleportation, definitely. I’m really lazy and
walking to places upsets
me. (Ed. note: Us too.)
Street: What’s the best
compliment you’ve ever
received?
MH: Barack Obama complimented me one time.
One of my best friends
from high school’s dad is
Obama’s best friend. My
senior year of high school
[my friend] was like, ‘Hey,
I’m going to Hawaii, do
you want to come with
us?’ And I was like, ‘Yeah,
of course.’ I knew they
normally vacation with
the Obamas. One time
[Obama] sat down and
talked to me, and he asked
me where I was going to
school, that kind of stuff.
He told me I was a "puttogether young man,"
which was nice to hear.
Street: If Penn Six had a
mascot what would it be?
MH: A sloth. For laziness.
Street: Who would your
dream duet be with?
MH: Mariah Carey. But
like, '90s Mariah Carey.
Street: Do you sing in the
shower?
MH: I do. I definitely do.
My housemates get very
upset with me. Also, my
friend in Off the Beat lives
in the house. Between the
two of us, there’s just too
much singing going on for
their taste.
MH: The spelling is
actually the funniest part:
Showstoppah823.
Street: Give us a haiku.
MH: Asking me questions.
/ I feel so uncomfortable. /
Sweating through my shirt.
Street: What’s one thing
you were scared we were
going to ask you?
MH: All of the things you
asked me.
Street: What’s your spirit
animal.
MH: Giraffe.
Street: That was fast, I
think we can guess why….
MH: Because of the spots.
Street: That’s still your
email!
MH: Yeah, that’s the school
one. I applied to schools
with that email.
From: Chicago, IL
Age: 21
Activities: Varsity basketball team, former
president of Sigma
Alpha Epsilon fraternity, former president
of Penn Six a cappella
group, Omega Society
member
Major: Economics
Minor: Music
This interview has been
edited and condensed.
Street: Describe yourself
in three words?
MH: Tall, hairy, Jewish.
Street: If you could have
a drink with anyone in
history, who would it be
and why?
MH: Michael Jordan. I feel
like he’d be hilarious to
drink around.
Street: What do you love
most about Penn?
MH: The people, I think.
I’ve met some of my best
friends here and I couldn’t
picture myself anywhere
else.
Street: What do you hate
most about Penn?
MH: The people. No, I
have had not that good of
teachers, and that’s upsetting because it’s a pretty
good school, so I feel like
that should be better.
Street: What was your first
AIM screen name?
M A R C H 2 6 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E
5
34TH STREET
15%
OFF
MEN’S & WOMEN’S
SWIMWEAR
ENDS MARCH 30 TH
south moon under
MARLTON | PHILADELPHIA | WAYNE
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6
3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E M A R C H 2 6 , 2 01 5
PUSSY RIOT ON
MUSIC
CAROLINE MARQUES
POLITICS AND PUNK
Street caught up with the incendiary founders of Pussy Riot after
their talk at the Penn Museum to discuss their most recent music
video, their NGO Zona Prava and the value of music.
The anticipation was palpable as an auditorium filled with Penn students of all ages and
majors waited for the arrival of Maria Alyokhina and Nadezhda Tolokonnikova, founding
members of the Russian punk group, Pussy Riot. After all, these were the same two women
who had been arrested, wrongfully imprisoned and eventually released after twenty–one
months of brutal incarceration conditions. And yet, here they were, at the Penn Museum,
smiling, chatting with one another in Russian and answering questions.
Since their life–changing performance at a Muscovite cathedral in 2012, Pussy Riot has
innot only intrigued Russian politicians, but also global human rights activists and foreign
governments. Their efforts to change the political and artistic landscape in their home country has spread across the globe. After all, they were projecting their newest music video, "I
Can't Breathe", here on campus—half a world away from home.
Shot in Russia, the video depicts Russian symbols. (In it, you'll notice the pair’s uniforms
and the pack of cigarettes that's reminiscent of the Russian Spring). But the ballad’s lyrics,
written over the course of one night in New York, refer to the time both artists spent protesting the death of Eric Garner in the city. The difference between the recently released song and
older Pussy Riot tracks and videos is not only aesthetic, but also thematic. “I Can’t Breathe”
takes a step away from punk—it's slow, bleak, less chaotic. Most importantly, it pushes the
viewer to take a global stance on issues that are not only Putin–related.
Both members often compare the current situation in Russia to that of other countries,
specifically the US. “Political violence exists, at least to some extent, in both nations,"
Alyokhina says.
This video, in many ways, emerges as a response to a “blank space”—the concept that certain law institutions separate themselves from the media, believing “they cannot be touched,"
Alyokhina continues.
As I sat across from Alyokhina and Tolokonnikova, they discussed why and how young
people, especially young women, can get involved in politics. Alyokhina mentioned the gap
between opportunities within student groups and protests at Russian and American schools.
“In Russia, you have to go to a very privileged, expensive school to access what is so natural
to America. And this should be used to fight for any issues that are important to you,” she
noted.
And while this may come as a surprise, the American tradition of feminist rights often inspired the twenty–six year old. She explained: “You might feel this to be very natural if you’re
inside the US, but if you’re eighteen and in Russia, you look at all these things that supposedly exist in the US, and it all looks very romantic, powerful, influential.”
When she asked me my thoughts on her answer, I paused. With so much farther to go in
the pursuit of equal rights, can a twenty–first century US really be an appropriate role model?
And yet, here were two cultural icons pointing at campuses like Penn and urging students to
take advantage of our groups, debate forums and vibrant student voices.
Ultimately Alyokhina and Tolokonnikova left us with a lot more than a simple commentary about human rights and the entanglement of art and politics. Just as they are multifaceted artists and activists, they reminded us about our own potential to create and debate.
Addressing our audience specifically, they compared our time today to the '60s and '70s—
generations of “something." We leave with an urgency, to never be part of a generation of
“nothing” and to always strive to send a message of value.
(Photo: Pussy Riot Facebook Page)
Excited about SPEC's Fling Lineup Announcement? Check
out our Fling-themed mixtape online at 34st.com.
M A R C H 2 6 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E
7
MUSIC
BACKSTAGE WITH MAGIC MAN:
ON GHOSTS, NERF GUNS AND NEAR-DEATH
year, Magic Man opened for David Guetta at Penn’s
EXPERIENCES Last
Spring Fling concert. After last week’s triumphant return
Hours before Magic Man’s
headling show at Union
Transfer last Monday, fans wait
in line down Spring Garden
Street, desperate for the venue
doors to open. Backstage, bassist Gabe Goodman aims a Nerf
gun at his bandmates, shooting
them when they least expect
it. Justine Bowe, the spunky,
gentle–faced keyboardist, sips
a steaming cup of green tea.
Vocalist Alex Caplow starts on
his first Yuengling of the night.
Complete with several bags of
tortilla chips, six–packs of beer
and sarcasm, the green room at
Union Transfer feels like a typical night in the living room of
friend’s apartment. But when
Magic Man walks on stage,
they’re no longer just a group
of friends in their mid–twenties. Night after night, crowds
of screaming teens treat the
five–piece like they’re the next
Vampire Weekend.
Magic Man may be from
to Philadelphia, the synth–rockers reflect and look forward.
Boston, but the synth-rockers
have shared landmark moments here in Philadelphia,
and headlining a show at
Union Transfer only furthers
the existing brotherly love between Magic Man and Philly.
When Magic Man isn’t
headlining an astonishingly
energetic national tour, they
find themselves in a series of
hilariously bizarre mishaps.
Caplow puts it best: “Every
day is weird.”
Last year, Magic Man and
Ra Ra Riot opened for David
Guetta at Penn’s Spring Fling
concert. “It was actually one
of the biggest shows we’ve ever
played,” says Bowe. Though
the band remembers Fling as
one of their favorite perfor-
mances, just hours before the
show, Bowe, Goodman and
Sam Vanderhoop Lee (guitar)
almost got locked in the Pottruck gym showers.
Lee remembers a student
from SPEC helping find the
band a place to shower after
they decided to run laps on
the Franklin Field track. “Just
in towels, we went to the
showers, and of course, we got
locked out without all of our
belongings,” he says. “I had to
wander around the gym trying
to find someone. It was humiliating, but kind of funny.”
Once Magic Man was freed
from Pottruck, they illuminated Franklin Field with their
uplifting pop beats, and later,
celebrated by dancing with
Penn students during David
Guetta’s headlining set.
Fling remains a landmark
memory for Magic Man—but
their earlier shows in Philadelphia weren’t as victorious.
Childhood best friends Lee
and Caplow remember playing at the now–defunct DIY
venue, Bookspace, in Fishtown
on a dangerously unstable
stage with broken amps.
“[Lee] started playing the
first song, and for some reason,
I look up and there’s a woman
hanging from cloth, tied to
the ceiling, doing some sort
of acrobatic activity,” says
Caplow.
“And then there was a fire–
twirler,” adds Lee. “I thought I
was going to die. I thought the
stage was going to collapse,
and I was going to be crushed
by a dancer falling from the
ceiling.”
Caplow and Lee have been
making music since they were
kids—in middle school, they
had a band called Yello Sno—
and once Caplow went to
Tufts, he met Bowe. Sulkowski
and Goodman are also friends
from college. “A lot of our
first shows were at Tufts,” says
Caplow. “We were playing a
lot of shows at the Arts House,
which is the house that Justine
lived in.”
After graduating from
college, Magic Man moved
into the only living space
more cramped than a college
dorm: a tour bus. For the past
month, Magic Man has been
traveling across America, playing in a variety of cities from
Houston to New York.
“We wake up each morning on a bus in a different city
than where we fell asleep,” says
Bowe. “How is that not the
weirdest thing?” Though daily
life on tour is certainly odd,
Bowe has experienced far more
peculiar incidents with the
band. In Washington, D.C.,
Bowe claims to have encountered a ghost in the Rock &
Roll Hotel. “I asked the guy
who was working, ‘Hey, is
this place haunted?’ and he
was like, ‘Yeah, this used to
be a funeral parlor.’ They say
that there is the ghost of some
mourning mother in the bathroom of the third floor, which
is where I was.”
Magic Man’s music balances
the infectiousness of mainstream pop with the layered
intricacy of indie rock. Their
performance accomplishes the
perfect mix of liveliness and
musical mastery. As they wrap
up their first headlining tour,
Magic Man is gaining more
recognition by the day. Waking
up in a new city every day may
be bizarre, but if their backstage antics and enthusiastic
stage presence are any indication, Magic Man is about to
spend many more months
living in tour buses.
AMANDA SILBERLING
(Photos by: Amanda Silberling)
8
3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E M A R C H 2 6 , 2 01 5
34TH STREET
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M A R C H 2 6 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E
9
F E AT U R E
F E AT U R E
BENNY AND THE PETs:
NUGGET
TREVOR
College senior Rachel Goodman got Trevor, her golden
retriever, during the spring of her sophomore year. Since
then, he’s learned to open doors, which is why two campus
police officers have Rachel’s phone number and regularly
return him to her. When he’s not spending his days in the
Sigma Chi chapter house, Trevor likes to chase tour groups,
pee on the Love Statue and run around High Rise Field. This
two–year–old pup will definitely brighten your next rainy day
in his yellow raincoat.
LuLu
1 0 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E M A R C H 2 6 , 2 01 5
There’s more than one Nugget on this
campus. College junior Srey Beaulac got
her chinchilla, Nugget, last school year.
Since then, she's adopted Nugget’s counterpart, French Fry, from a friend and
the two now live together in her room,
where they like to push the door of their
cage open and hide under her bed. The
hyperactive rodents jump around her
bathroom—from the bathtub to the
sink, but they can’t get wet. Instead, they
take dust baths to keep their fur dry.
Street combed Penn's campus to unleash our biggest journalistic Endeavor
of the year. Here, we give you nine faces to ease the sorrow of realizing
Emma Watson Won't be joining us in Fisher–Bennett next year.
College senior Haley Cooper loves McDonalds.
When her season ended last fall, the soccer player
headed to Brooklyn to pick up her now six–month–
old hairless cat, Nugget, who she named with her love
for the Golden Arches in mind. Nugget takes a bath
every other week and climbs around Haley’s house
on Pine, where he’s showered with attention from
everyone that comes through. Follow Nugget and his
wrinkles on Instagram @nugget_the_hairless_cat.
NUGGET
FRENCH FRY
College senior Emily Kager got her
mini Goldendoodle, Lulu, the day she
finished finals her sophomore year. Lulu
was just a puppy then, but she quickly
shot to Insta–stardom on her very own
Instagram account, @luludoodle. When
Emily lived in London last summer and
fall, Lulu followed, taking the tube with
her owner to work every day. Now Lulu’s
back on campus, enjoying long walks
down Locust and lounging while neuroscience major Emily does her homework.
Bear Claw
After finding this four–week old kitten on Craigslist over the summer, College senior John
Trueman adopted Luis Suárez, naming him after the Uruguayan soccer player who bit Italian player Giorgio Chiellini during the World Cup last summer. Luis, a striped orange cutie,
climbs the walls in his apartment on 39th and Chestnut, kills mice and enjoys watching cat
videos on YouTube. John’s roommates Zac Endter (C’16), Connor Ryan (C ‘15) and Ryan
Matter (C ‘15) help make sure that Luis stays fed with his Kit & Kaboodle cat food.
IZZY
Luis
SuArez
Every Friday, Mackenzie Moore brings a guest to her Italian
class: her four–year–old dog, Izzy. The Wharton sophomore rescued the Cavalier King Charles Spaniel last spring and brought
her to school in the fall. Izzy can’t hear, so she doesn't mind the
noisy frat scene. You can find her having a good time at APES
and SAE, but she stays away from Zete, her least favorite fraternity. Izzy's slowly but surely taking over campus, one Huntsman
study session at a time.
Bear Claw may be
the only male in a
house of 13 girls, but
this Netherland dwarf
rabbit holds his own.
When College sophomore Haley Wickham
started missing her dog
last September, she
toyed with the idea of
adopting a rabbit. Less
than a week later, she
ended up in the parking lot of an Amish
grocery store, where
a breeder handed
her this grey ball of
fluff. Bear Claw, who
will celebrate his first
birthday on May 18th,
enjoys walks in his harness and hanging out
with his swim team
roommates.
CHARMANDER
College senior and swimmer Dillon
McHugh got Charmander for his
birthday last year. Charmander eats
crickets and vitamins, bobs his head
to music and flares his beard when
he’s agitated. Although Charmander
is the honorary men's swim team
mascot, bearded dragons can’t drink
water, so Dillon bathes him in a human bathtub. Charmander's favorite
pasttime is sitting in his glass case and
looking serene.
Guillermo
Four–month–old Guillermo eis Inquar Jürgen B. Lennon Fingerhood–Tarver may just
be the most comfortable resident of Penn’s campus. College juniors Olivia Fingerhood and
Khadija Tarver adopted the Flemish giant in February. They're raising him in their Baltimore
avenue apartment, where he has his own room and likes to sit at his window and ponder the
state of society. Young Guillermo weighs around four pounds now, but he’ll eventually be
between ten and fifteen—about the size of a small dog.
M A R C H 2 6 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 1
FILM & TV
KINOKI: FILM RECOMMENDATIONS
Kinoki is a group with highly refined cinematic tastes, so we asked some of their members for movie recommendations. We
promise you don't have to know anything about diegesis, mise–en–scene or other fancy shit to enjoy these picks.
WHIPLASH:
The Oscar–nominated
phenomenon follows a
young musician and his
impassioned teacher.
A TIME TO KILL:
Sandra Bullock. Matthew
McConaughey. Samuel
L. Jackson. Need we say
more?
MEMENTO:
This wild Christopher Nolan film plays backwards.
A must for any cinephile.
SUGGESTED BY:
MAX KURTZMAN
SUGGESTED BY:
MAX KURTZMAN
SUGGESTED BY:
MAX KURTZMAN
Photo credits: www.iampawards.com, www.screeninsults.com, wwww.wikipedia.com, wwww.ia.media-imdb.com
College Houses
presents the
2015
PENN STUDENT
THE GREAT BEAUTY:
A rich, Oscar–winning
Italian film. All forms of
film prestige attained in a
single movie.
SUGGESTED BY:
AUGIE BERNSTEIN
HER:
Scarlett Johansson sounds
sexier than we look and she
seduces Joaquin Phoenix
purely with her voice. Did
we mention she basically
plays a phone?
SUGGESTED BY:
ELLIOT WOLF
STREET STREET STREET FILM @ 34ST.COM
SPACIOUS
HOUSE
AVAILABLE!
2015-2016 school year
6 Bedrooms
2 Bathrooms
Finished Basement
Private Backyard
Central Heating
SCREENING SCHEDULE
Tuesday, March 31
Wednesday, April 1
Thursday, April 2
Du Bois College House
Harrison College House
Gregory College House
8 PM • Multipurpose Room
(first floor)
8 PM • Heyer Sky Lounge
Great Location!
4141 Chestnut Street
8 PM • Cinema Lounge
(in Van Pelt)
Student filmmakers: Submit your work by March 27
Films can be no longer than 8 minutes. All genres of films will be accepted to the competition. All entries must be submitted in DVD readable format. Each individual or
team can submit no more than one entry. All entries must have been made in the 2014-15 year. See all submission guidelines and learn how to submit your film at:
www.collegehouses.upenn.edu/filmfest
1 2 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E M A R C H 2 6 , 2 01 5
At Penn, At Home | apartmentsatpenn.com | 215.222.0222
FILM & TV
KEEPING AN EYE ON KINOKI
The newest senior film society is an extracurricular star in the making.
Augie Bernstein’s voice
rises with excitement. “What
happens when you get cinema
students in a room together?
What happens when you have
these meetings when we’re all
just hanging out, talking about
film, in a pre–professional
setting?”
The College senior’s eyes
shine behind dark frames. He
looks to Elliot Wolf, a fellow
College senior and co–president of Kinoki, Penn’s film
senior society.
Augie answers his own
question, exclaiming, “Agency
is sparked! What I mean by
that is: We are doing things in
Kinoki that are made possible
because we know we have a
team of people behind us.”
If you haven’t yet heard of
Kinoki, you’ve got an excuse.
Just not for long. The senior
society was formed only last
year, but it’s quickly proven
itself to be one of the most
dynamic and exciting new
ventures on campus.
Kinoki emerged as the brainchild of its six original members, including Augie, Elliot
and Max Kurtzman C’15.
Elliot explains that he and
fellow Cinema Studies students
brainstormed “a bunch of
different ways that seniors
who were majoring in film or
interested in the industry could
come together and take on
projects.” The group originally
wanted to make a film, but
ultimately decided to instead
form a comprehensive cinematic society.
The name itself is derived
from a theory that all Penn
film students know well; Kinoki is the idea that the camera
acts as some kind of eye,
observing human nature.
“We wanted to create something that could last beyond
our time here and contribute
to the community in some
way. We saw the void for film
students,” Elliot elaborated.
While the group usually
meets at Smokes’ for pizza and
lively cinematic discussion, the
real ambitions of Kinoki reach
far beyond 40th Street.
“One of our goals is for ten
years down the road [is] for
there to be a Kinoki dinner
in Los Angeles...where the
pledge classes from the last ten
years can all come together, sit
down, have a meal together,”
Elliot explains. “Hopefully at
that dinner they’ll be catching
up, but they’ll also be pitching
projects to one another. And it
will be an opportunity for all
these people to work together...
we’re basically looking to keep
people in touch and keep
people working together after
leaving Penn.”
With Kinoki’s chemistry,
it’s hard to imagine the group
will struggle to keep in touch.
Augie and Elliot share a palAugie Bernstein, co-President of Kinoki
pable spark, a frenetic energy
that propels them through
their ideas and conversations
rapidly—fast–forwarding
from the emergence of Netflix
to projects they’re excited to
work on to movies they love in
seconds.
With such enthusiasm for
the project, it’s easy to see how
Kinoki came together so naturally. But the co–presidents are
quick to cite Kinoki’s thriving
success to all 17 original members of the society, as well as
their incoming class of juniors.
Elliot Wolf, co-president of Kinoki
Max explains, “The reason
Kinoki works so well is because
we push each other to reach
our goals in the film industry.”
Augie echoes Max's sentiments, elaborating, “Kinoki’s
made up of people across a lot
of different demographics and
social scenes. That’s what’s so
cool: it brings people together.”
And while Augie, Max, and
Elliot share a pledge class
in Theos, the group is quite
diverse, with nearly one–third
of Kinoki unaffiliated with any
Greek organization.
The “unbelievable group”—
as Max describes it—is currently studying the TriBeca
Film Festival and is planning
a program in which they teach
local elementary schools about
media.
During our meeting, I
exclaimed that the pair’s obvious passion for what they do is
empowering to all humanities
students at Penn.
To this, Elliot responded
simply, “That’s how we feel at
every Kinoki meeting. Empowered to do something.”
ORLY GREENBERG
M A R C H 2 6 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 3
FOOD AND DRINK
CONTRAPASTA: I FUCKING LOVE POTLUCKS AND
Chant: “I am a grown–ass (wo)man! I don’t need a
YOU SHOULD TOO dining plan!”
Potlucks are the way to fucking go. For
starters, there aren’t many other dining
options where I can stay in my sweatpants,
in the company of people who don’t give
a shit about what I look like. Potlucks also
mean we can get down and dirty cooking
in my kitchen, and feel proud to prepare
at least one substantial meal of the week.
Chicken, beef, pasta or heating up leftover
Wishbone: potlucks prove to Mom that
I’m independent enough to cook for myself
and my friends. After being up to your eyeballs in meetings all week, what could be
better than having a genuine conversation?
Not, “How are you?” or “How was your
midterm?” I’m talking about some quality
time chattin’ with my bitches and homies.
Making this time for friends also means
fulfilling my secret ambition to become
Julia Child, or at least to emulate her baller
cooking in every way that I can. I’m excited
to practice cooking, all for the rewarding
struggle of impressing my guests—the
supportive grimaces when my friends are
sitting around my table, tucking into my
“well–cooked” lasagna. (Note to self: invite
freshmen friends because their standards
are lower.).
When I don’t have an assignment due at
11:59:59, I can drool over the lovely fresh
bread my friend made or decorate cookies
to make up for all the fun I didn’t have in
Huntsman all week.
Once I’m well fed, I know I won’t miss
freezing in long lines outside Rumor, the
Uber X’s, blowing bucks at the bar trying
to seduce some guy.
Instead of drinking arsenic­–tainted Franzia (look it up) in whatever second–rate
Italian restaurant my Wharton club invited
me to, I want to drink arsenic–tainted
Franzia in the privacy of my living room,
where I know I won’t get carded. Maybe
I’ll get fancy and throw in some experimental fruit juice, *cough* vodka *cough*,
concoctions. If I decide I want to head to
Smokes or a late night after our potluck,
it’ll only be a short, romantic walk away.
In my slippers instead of high heels, I can
hear my feet already thanking me.
NATASHA DOHERTY
POTLUCK TIPS
Potluck however the hell you want. Here are the basics to get you on
your way.
• Pluck some of your favorite friends from your different walks of Penn life and
invite them to your place for dinner.
• Ask them each to bring a dish, preferably something that’s edible, tasty and won’t
give anyone food poisoning
•
Spend your evening in the company of the people you love, taking it easy, chatting and chillaxin'.
• Optional (but highly recommended): Crack open the cold beers, and bring out
your favorite warm–weather cocktails. make it a barbecue–come–bitchfest–
come–prepregrame for fling. Crank up the music. Bring out the Scrabble. Or
Settlers of Catan, if you feel like ruining friendships and making enemies.
• Even more *optional*: Get a job with Penn Rec, convince your co–workers to
have a potluck, and then have a POTTRUCK POTLUCK.
1 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E M A R C H 2 6 , 2 01 5
34TH STREET
Dining
Guide
NACHO AVERAGE REVIEWS.
The Dining Guide is unique and delicious.
Pick up your copy April 1st in the DP.
M A R C H 2 6 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 5
ARTS
COFFEE, CLASS AND AFGHANI
CULTURE: A
PHOTO
EXHIBIT IN
WILCAF
125 South 40th Street
Philadelphia, PA 19104
(215) 921-9580 store
Williams Hall might be the last place
you’d look for art (except for maybe,
Van Prison). However, as the saying
goes, art is found where you least
expect it. Last week, while eating my French toast bagel and
sipping my morning latte from
Wilcaf, I noticed the newest addition to the language building’s
walls; a series of black and white
photographs.
The collection, titled “Afghanistan: People, Place, and Material
Culture”, is the collaborative work of
Jawan Shir Rasikh, a doctoral student,
http://www.logotypes101.com/
and David Lewis, a Master of Arts student.
Both are in the Department of South Asia Studies, which
provided them with the funds to carry out the fascinating
project.
The pair wished to capture the richness of Afghanistan,
which is home to 30–35 million people of multiple ethnic
groups. The two traveled all throughout the country, visiting
and photographing Pashtuns, Tajiks, Hazaras and Uzbeks in
a variety of provinces. They certainly succeeded. The snapshots are deeply insightful and each image is paired with an
informative slide.
The photo series shows that the Afghan nation is one of
ARTS
Like the black and white photos of this exhibit, "Afghanistan: People,
Place and Material Culture" shows us deep contrasts in the daily lives
of Afghani citizens.
sharp contrasts. Viewing the images is
a visit to all sorts of microcosms, from
the smallest villages to the most congested cities. Shir and Lewis attempt
to display a side of Afghanistan which
is not often shown. They describe it as,
“the quotidian view of life through the
prisms of people, place, and the material culture."
We are often exposed to the violence
and the instability of the nation—two
very real aspects of its existence—but
these pictures show us daily life of
many of its people, who exist and
perservere, despite a sometimes tragic
reality.
The exhibition left me haunted and fascinated. I loved
the use of solely black and white photography, which I
interpreted as a reflection of the very contrasts in the lives
of Afghanis that the two photographers are attempting to
portray.
A highlight is the photography of an Uzbek man in
Mazar–i–Sharif, a city with a history of bloodshed.
Ultimately, the exhibit shows us the lives and livelihoods
we overlook when our primary understanding of a culture
comes from the news.
SYRA ORTIZ-BLANES
It’s not too late to find housing
for the next school year!
Call us today.
We’d love to help you find a great place.
www.apartmentsatpenn.com
215.222.0222
www.jakessandwichboard.com
1 6 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E M A R C H 2 6 , 2 01 5
At Penn, At Home.
M A R C H 2 6 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 17
LOWBROW
D R L
3
Rittenhouse
LOL
OWBROW
(THIS WEEK, LOWBROW DOES SOME SCIENCE.)
NEW SCIENCE CLASSES
Advanced Registration is
happening. Lowbrow got the
inside scoop on the newest
science courses offered in
the fall.
• BIOL 230—Aviary Mating Habits: Learn
intricacies of animal mating. For example,
penguins are the only bird that mates for life
and then ends up resenting their mates and
sleeping with their secretaries—not out of
desire, but out of spite.
(Photo: Wikipedia)
• CHEM 420—Cannabis and the Brain:
This class totally isn’t a cop. We would have to
tell you if this class was a cop.
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1 8 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E M A R C H 2 6 , 2 01 5
• PHYS 001—Gravity: A look into John
Mayer’s Career. Emphasizing his 2006 album
“Continuum”.
• MEAM 120—From MEAM to MEME:
The engineering of “I Can Haz Cheezburger
Cat”
• GEOL 340—Taking Geologists for Granite: A survey of history’s most under–acknowledged “Rock Stars.”
• BIOL 104—How Real is BioShock 4: The
answer may surprise you. (Hint: not very.)
• CRIM 345—Watching Too Many Serial
Killer Documentaries (Alternatively called:
How to Freak Yourself Out): Wait. Did you
hear that? Who’s there? I thought my roommate was home this weekend. Oh god, oh god,
oh god. This is cross–listed with PSYC 345.
• ENVS 385—Water, Water Everywhere So
Let’s All Have a Drink: The polar ice caps are
melting.
• ENGR 003—STEM for Women: Inspiring
female engineers to earn less than their male
colleagues in their scientific careers.
How the fuck did we get here? Lowbrow Investigates.
David
EVOLUTION V. CREATIONISM: A COMPARISON
88
105
(Photo: Wikipedia)
EVOLUTION
Etymology: The root of the
word “evolution” is “evol”,
which is a homonym of “evil”
because turning monkeys into
more advanced monkeys seems
like the work of some kind of
evil genius.
Who backs it up: That guy
in your philosophy class who
always asks questions when
there's less than a minute left
of class and ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS NOT AGAIN
EVERYONE HATES YOU!!!!
Evidence: The striking resemblance between Chloe Sevigny
and a frog; therefore, Chloe
Sevigny evolved from a frog.
How it was discovered: Darwin took a rad spraaang break
to the Galapagos and was all
like, “Dude, turtles tho.”
Main Characters: Finches,
humans, primordial ooze.
CREATIONISM
Etymology: Has the same root
as “Kreayshawn”, a rap icon
made famous for her hit single
“Gucci Gucci.”
Who backs it up: People who
write really long Facebook statuses about their political and
religious beliefs. See also: your
great uncle Milton.
Evidence: A banana perfectly
designed for use as fake phone.
How it was discovered:
NEVER QUESTION THE
BIBLE.
Main Characters: A snake,
naked people, God?
SCIENCE: A TIMELINE
Science has been happening since 1876 and
there are so many important moments. We bring
you the best things that totally actually happened.
1899: Madam Curie opens
pop–up store, Madam’s Curries, bringing tika flavors to
all of France.
(Photo: supernaturalwiki.com)
(Photo:WSJ.com)
1910: Mormons prove there
is no science. Science stops
for 5 years, before God unblacklists science again.
(Photo: climatecrocks.com)
1953: In embarrassing typo,
Watson and Crick introduce
DiNA to the scientific community. Most scientists of the
time are to afraid to talk to,
or about DiNA, assuming
she's a woman.
(Photo: chinadaily.com.cn)
1945: Liebnitz dies after not
forwarding chain email to
nine people. (He was too
busy exploring exponetional
infinite growth patterns in an
ironic twist.)
(Photo: graciouscolumn.com)
1976: Neil Degrasse Tyson
fights mighty Mike Tyson.
And with the sheer force of
physics, Neil wins in landslide victory.
1985: Stephen Hawking secretly
founds band Daft Punk.
(Photo: markrobertfreeman.wordpress.com)
(Photo: Wikipedia)
2013: Isaac Newton wins Best
Picture Oscar for Gravity.
Both 1756 and 2013: Rift
in time space continuum appears and reappears.
(Photo: theaerogram.com)
2501: The human race is gone.
All that's left are the Robocops
and the evolved duck people.
The Robocops must keep the
mutant duck people in line,
given their nefarious plans
to rise up against their robot
overlords. The lake of fire
grows daily.
(Photo: glitterrock.org)
E​ XPERIMENT WITH THIS,
NOT THAT
Experimenting can be exciting, but it can also burn off your hair, your left
thigh or alienate your entire family.
1920: Electricity, a safe alternative to lighting things on
fire, is discovered.
(Photo: biografiasyvidas.com)
LOWBROW
If you like: Baking soda volcanoes
Experiment with: Creating
safe spaces for your friends to
talk about fluid sexualities.
Why: Some conversations can
become heated, even explosive,
much like a volc—well, you
get it. When talking to friends,
make sure you've taken proper
safety precautions, like not
having asshole friends.
(Photo: irishtimes.com)
Experiment with: Reading
If you like: Putting grapes
feminist blogs that discuss
in the microwave to isolate
intersexionality when definplasma
ing your own sexuality on a
Experiment with: Kissing
spectrum.
another man.
Why: You're going to be thinkWhy: Grapes might send
ing about your past behavior a
literal sparks, but will kissing
lot. (Were you ever part of the
another man send sparks flypatriarchy? Maybe!) Get ready,
ing (if you're, indeed a man)?
because this endeavor will
Time to find out! When grapes
involve a lot of terms you'll
burn they smell funky, but you
need to look up. Think of it as
could be getting funky instead.
a research position. Need help
getting started? Professors love
If you like: Wharton Behavexperimenting with students!
ioral Labs
However, this will probably
DID YOU
KNOW
THAT
BERKELIUM
IS A REAL
ELEMENT?
LOWBROW
IS NOT.
get creepy. Good thing you can
always experiment on your own.
Who knows? Penn might even
fund it.
If you like: Working with your
lab partner
Experiment with: Spicing up
your relationship.
Why: Be safe, use latex.
When all is said and done. You
can make a nice poster board
with graphs and attend one of the
research fairs in Bodek Lounge to
tell the world about what you’ve
discovered.
SPACIOUS
HOUSE
AVAILABLE!
2015-2016 school year
6 Bedrooms
2 Bathrooms
Finished Basement
Private Backyard
Central Heating
Great Location!
4141 Chestnut Street
At Penn, At Home | apartmentsatpenn.com | 215.222.0222
M A R C H 2 6 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 9
B AC K PAG E
"In high school, I was with this
girl who would handcuff my
hands over my head. We used
a little whip, like the kind you
would get from Spencer’s, along
with a few other toys. My super
Jewish grandparents found them
when they were cleaning out my
room."
—Wharton '16
"I was staying at my brother’s
apartment in New York and
he lives on the 22nd floor. My
boyfriend and I thought it’d be
fun to try a little exhibitionism
when no one was home. We had
sex over an open window with a
full frontal view, but we had to
stop because people from other
apartment buildings were starting to stare."
—College '18
"When I was in Amsterdam,
I found this entirely fishnet
body suit and I bought it for my
girlfriend. We added a little whip
cream to the mix, and it got
messy fast."
—College '16
"My boyfriend and I were both
camp counselors. He was a rock
climbing instructor, so he had a
ton of rope and expertise tying
things up. One night, he hog–
tied me with an intricate knot—
with the same rope he used for
teaching the kids. It felt pretty
dirty, but I was not a fan of the
rope burn."
—Engineering '15
say this
isn't kinky
enough.
Some have
saidcampus
this campus
isn't kinky
Clearly, these people
haven'tbeen
beenlooking
looking
enough.Clearly
they haven't
in the right places. We asked Penn
for their
kinkiest
confessions.
students their
kinkiest
confessions.
"St. Patty’s day, mid-dartying, I
went over to his frat house to
meet him. He took me up to the
3rd floor bathroom of his frat,
because he said no one ever
went there. We got into the stall,
started making out, clothes
came off. I went down on him,
then he suggested we try something new. Eager to experiment,
I said yes. He bent me over, facing the toilet and proceeded to
have anal with me. Sans lube."
—Wharton '16
"The first time I lost my virginity,
my boyfriend came over to my
house at 2am. It was during the
summer. I lived right behind this
huge soccer field so my boyfriend and I had a picnic...with
candy. I would lay naked and he
would place pieces of chocolate
or Swedish Fish on my body and
then eat them off of me. After
that, I told him I was 'ready.'"
2 0 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E M A R C H 2 6 , 2 01 5
—College '16
"I went on a double date with
a friend and I met this cool girl
with a sick apartment in Rittenhouse. A few nights later, she
texted me to come over. I get to
her place and her brother answers the door with two chicks.
The girl I was seeing came
downstairs in a kimono. She was
sleeping with my friend upstairs
while her brother had sex with
two girls in the living room. She
wanted me to go upstairs and
have a threesome, but I refused,
so we fucked in the kitchen
instead."
—College '17
"I had sex on a school field
trip... while on an airplane going from Switzerland to Greece
for a swim competition. My
boyfriend happened to be with
me, so we ducked off into the
bathroom. We put in headphones and played a hot, slow
song while having crazy sex.
The stewardess gave us a look
on our way out."
—College '15