1. health and fitness
2. disorders
3. mental disorder
4. panic and anxiety

April 2 – 8, 2015
34st.com
april 2
LOL
2015
3 HIGHBROW
my penn addiction, overheards, round—up
4 WORD ON THE
STREET
mental health
5 EGO
relay fundraising, eotw
dani castillo
9 MUSIC
LOL
LOL
odessa, your week in
music
12 FEATURE
loss and learning
14 FILM
LOL
unbreakable kimmy
schmidt, student film
festival
17 FOOD & DRINK
(Photo: Instagram @salmonballs)
food porn
LOL
LOL
20 ARTS
arts uncovered
22 LOWBROW
lowbrow works out
24 BACKPAGE
got wifi?
For this week, no silly jokes or weird ass shit in my little
black box. Instead, I'll simply ask you to take a few minutes
out of your day and read this week's feature. And then—
and I don't think is asking too much—I'd implore you to offer small acts of compassion and kindness throughout your
day. You never know who might need it.
At times, we all do.
– (Wo)ManEd
34TH STREET MAGAZINE
Alexandra Sternlicht, Editor–in–Chief
Marley Coyne, Managing Editor
Ariela Osuna, Digital Director
Ling Zhou, Design Editor
Byrne Fahey, Design Editor
Corey Fader, Photo Editor
Galit Krifcher, Assistant Design
Holly Li, Assistant Design
Amy Chen, Assistant Photo
Conor Cook, Highbrow
Elie Sokoloff, Highbrow
Katie Hartman, Word on the Street
Randi Kramer, Ego
Casey Quackenbush, Ego
Natasha Doherty, Food and Drink
2
3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E A P R I L 2 , 2 01 5
Ryan Zahalka, Food and Drink
Cassandra Kyriazis, Film and TV
Orly Greenberg, Film and TV
Clare Lombardo, Features
Amanda Suarez, Features
Caroline Marques, Music
Amanda Silberling, Music
Justin Sheen, Arts
Molly Collett, Arts
Rosa Escandon, Lowbrow
Mikaela Gilbert–Lurie, Lowbrow
Kimberly Lu, Backpage
Mark Paraskevas, Copy Editor
Sarah Fox, Copy Editor
Pat Goodridge, Copy Editor
Mark Paraskevas, Marketing Director
Giulia Imholte, Social Media Editor
Rachel Rubin, Digital Designer
Kyle Bryce-Borthwick, Video Editor
Alex Cohn, Web Producer
Mara Veitch, Web Producer
COVER PHOTO: Amanda Suarez
BACKPAGE DESIGN: Holly Li
Unless otherwise noted, all photos are by Corey Fader
and Amy Chen.
Contributors:
Paige Parsons, Raquel Banks, Charlotte Coran, Rebecca
Heilweil, Spencer Winston, Claire Schmidt
Contacting 34th Street Magazine:
If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to
the editor, email Alexandra Sternlicht, Editor–in–Chief,
at [email protected]. You can also call us at (215) 8986585. To place an ad, call (215) 898-6581.
www.34st.com
"Everytime a girl would come into my school we would
whisper GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS"
©2015 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc.
No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without
the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will
give you the a-okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015
Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday.
HIGHBROW
MY PENN ADDICTION: JEWISH BOYS
I love me some good Hebrew National salami, in other words, I’m addicted to Jewish boys.
My first kiss was at a Jewish summer
camp. My second was at the Maccabi
games. Do you see a pattern here? I
love me some good Hebrew National
salami. Let me spell it out for you: I’m
addicted to Jewish boys. I’m not saying
that I wouldn’t blow a goyim’s shofar,
but I prefer my hotdogs without a bun.
My appetite for members of the tribe
was satiated at Penn as Jewish boys
abound (#blessed). You can’t swing a
grogger on this campus without knocking off a metaphorical yarmulke. (To
the shiksas out there: it's a thing you
shake during Purim.)
Face it: we all want to marry a nice
guy who loves his family, is funny and
has a lucrative career in the future on
lock. Yes, he may be only 5’5”, but he
played point–guard for his high school
basketball team and that counts for
something, right?
Jewish boys know the importance of
family. A close extended family is ingrained in Jewish culture. Cousins act
as role models and support systems and
without them, who’s going to hoist you
up in the chair at your Bar Mitzvah?
Also, a closer extended family means
more bar mitzvah checks, and Jews are
always thinking about ways to make a
buck, which your JBae will later spend
on you!
The first time I woke up in a guys
bed at Penn, I was pleased to discover
his impressive home decor. My exact
thought process went something like
"It looks like a PB Teen calogoue threw
up in here. This must be the work of
a Jewish mother.” Speaking of moms,
being a mama’s boy is basically a prerequisite for any true Jewish guy. We'll
count that as a pro, but there’s definitely a line. Mom sending him new
clothes from the Barney’s holiday sale:
good. Mom buying his condoms: bad.
Another great thing about Jewish
guys? Jewish humor. I like it a latke.
Think about some of most successful
comedians and you’re sure to find some
Israelites. Jerry Seinfeld, Larry David,
Adam Sandler, Jon Stewart—is anyone else aroused? Mask and Wig
and Simply Chaos are packing
some serious heat, so if your
JDate doesn’t work out, give them
a challah.
At Penn, we’re lucky. Judaism extends far beyond those Scarsdale boys
in off–campus frats who went to
Greylock. During NSO, a steamy
Latin hunk charmed me with
his accent. We later reconnected
on a Birthright trip after my
sophomore year. Penn has a hidden
trove of spicy South American Jews just
THEROUNDUP
Holy shit—it’s about to be a holy
weekend. Between Easter and Passover, Highbrow has our hands full
with family festivities. We’re looking
forward to eating our weight in
chocolate while simultaneously
avoiding bread like the plague. But
that’s okay, gluten–free is trendy!
For you Jewish Quakers making the
exodus to NYC (Ed. note: Scarsdale
and Long Island don’t count), please
make sure to avoid putting anything
that rises into your dirty mouths.
No matter what holiday you’re celebrating this weekend, just remember: Highbrow is like God, you can’t
see us, but we’re always watching.
This week, Highbrow presents
High Society. This weekend, one
house on Pine decided to throw a
smoker and invited people to their
party via Facebook. On their page,
they included fake applications for
an exclusive senior society called The
Death Friars Society. Believing they
had been tapped, many attendees
filled out the applications when they
arrived and schmoozed with their
“fellow members”. We hate to burst
your bubble, but they’re just blowing smoke up your ass.
Speaking of bubbles, rub a dub
dub, there’s puke next to the tub.
Highbrow hears that one party got
waiting to be discovered. Many reign
from Colombia and often have beach
houses in Miami—both of which aren’t
bad options for a Yom Kippur getaway.
These international gems can be found
in Huntsman, as they usually study
finance.
With any luck, in a couple of years,
my man will have amassed enough
money to buy that perfect brownstone
on the Upper West Side. It's there
that we'll host Shabbat dinners, have
children, send them to Horace Mann,
grow old together and then die.
especially rowdy this weekend.
During a champagne and shackles
event, a freshman boy decided to
unwind after a long day by indulging in a luxurious bubble
bath. Unfortunately, his peace was
interrupted by a drunk sophomore
girl who decided she needed to
yak. While the boy tried to strategically rearrange his bubbles, the
girl proceeded to puke next to him
while her friends ushered out other
bathroom goers. Looks like bubbles
and bubbly don’t mix.
Mess with the Burnetts, you will
get burnt. One jock–fest this weekend was overflowing with testosterone and booze. A couple arrived to
the event with a bottle of Burnetts
in hand, ready to party. As the
bottle rotated through the crowd,
over
heard
PENN
at
Betch about betchier
betch: She seriously
needs to stop. I just
watched her 50 second
Snapstory about today’s
Magic Carpet cookie
flavors.
Female Commons
employee: He says, “I
love you, baby," and he’s
fucking me over in the
same breath.
Drunk bro with eyes
closed: I’ve hooked up
with her, I’ve fucked her,
but I don’t talk to her.
Girl in Allegro booth:
You need to take a
shower, you reek of bad
decisions.
Prospective student
on a tour: Do you
know where I can find a
Frackit. You know, a frat
jacket?
the freshman girl who'd provided
the booze attempted to get a swig.
As she reached for the bottle, a bro
aggressively slapped her arm. Her
protective boyfriend sprang into action, but ultimately decided to avoid
any fights. Instead, he began to
growl at the assailant menacingly.
He may not have started a brawl,
but Highbrow thinks this bad bro
deserves a slap on the wrist!
The Round Up is a gossip column and the stories
are gathered though tips and word of mouth. Although we verify all the information in the Round
Up with multiple sources, the column should be
regarded as campus buzz and not as fact.
A P R I L 2 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E
3
WORD ON THE STREET
word
on
the
STREET
CAPS, COLLEGE AND
COMING TO TERMS WITH MENTAL ILLNESS
I
made my first visit to CAPS two weeks into college. I had lost about ten pounds. I wasn’t quite
anorexic or depressed, and certainly not suicidal.
Avoiding food was simply a way of avoiding all–
consuming stress. And besides, in a lot of ways, I
was really happy to be at Penn.
But on random evenings, I would walk back to
my dorm in inexplicable tears.
4
REBECCA HEILWEIL
My thoughts felt like nails
screeching against a chalkboard.
discussing boys with as much passion as existential
crises or home troubles. I regularly freaked out
thinking she judged me for being a whiney–Ivy–
League–white–girl who just “couldn’t handle the
pressure.”
But these “worries,” as my therapist titled my
stressors, exemplified my problem. She was getting
paid to help me, and I was concerned only with
entertaining her.
Sessions felt simultaneously too short and too
long. I couldn’t figure out what was important or
if anything was helping. Each silent second ignited
panic. I couldn’t get my brain to empty itself, so I
filled it with anxiety.
One night, alone in my room, I found myself
weeping uncontrollably. My thoughts felt like
nails screeching against a chalkboard. A grinding
sense of nausea tumbling around my brain. I cried,
desperate to get out of my head.
The next week, I walked into CAPS and requested an appointment at the front desk. Within half
an hour, I had a psych consultation, but I would
have to wait two weeks for an actual appointment.
I’d told myself I needed to see someone or else
my lack of hunger was going to cause lasting,
physical damage. In retrospect, I think I knew this
had nothing to do with food.
The normalized and debilitating stress I’d justified for so long wasn’t actually me, but an anxiety
disorder.
***
It took a while to get used to therapy. The awkward wait–time before my appointment, surrounded by students I never recognized. The way the
therapist called my name. The daunting hallway to
her office.
My only previous experience with mental illness involved conversations with my high school
boyfriend. I rarely asked him to open up, which
felt futile, awkward and sometimes inappropriate.
When we talked, he explained it as an irrational
panic, an inexplicable desire to “get home.” For
me, his experience was the definition of anxiety
disorder. If his brain was sick, mine certainly
wasn’t.
At first, sessions made me nervous. I wanted a
script, panicking to explain how I felt. I worried
my stories sounded incoherent, that my therapist
would get bored with me or that I seemed self–centered. I wondered if she thought I was vapid for
Discussing my situation with others, I found,
was easier. After opening up about my panic attacks, my friends started changing the way they
talked about mental illness and responded to mine.
I explained that when I seemed distant, it wasn’t
because I didn’t care. When I was quiet, it was
because my brain sometimes made my life more
like a movie I could only watch. I was drowning in
my own head.
They’re still learning about mental illness, and
my experience in no way gives me all the answers.
When a boy walking me home from a party once
confessed, “I’ve had suicidal thoughts in the past.”
I responded, “I could never kill myself. I’m not
afraid of anything more than my mortality.”
“Me neither,” he replied. “That’s what made the
feelings so scary.”
Only later that night, falling asleep, did I realize
how inappropriate my response was.
***
After time, I learned to identify how mental
illness manifests physically. For me, panic is an
amalgam of migraines and pounding sounds in my
head. An incessant recycling of my own thoughts.
A prickly web of mental “stuff,” sticky like glue yet
simultaneously foggy and incapacitating.
Eventually, my weekly CAPS sessions became a
reprieve. In addition to a small daily SSRI dosage,
my therapist forced me to spend time combing
through the thoughts plaguing my head. I created a
3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E A P R I L 2 , 2 01 5
I couldn’t get my brain to
empty itself, so I filled it
with anxiety.
Coming to Penn
and visiting
CAPS changed
my perception of
mental health.
mental binary for myself. Healthy stress has reason.
Anxiety doesn’t. With vocabulary to distinguish
rational and irrational panic, I’m more in control.
Yet, I sometimes wonder whether facing my
mental illness means I’ll lose what defines me.
Anxiety—stress—drives me. Wasn’t my disorder
just precaution, panic attacks simply emotion?
I’m constantly re–teaching myself that debilitating stress will make me unhealthy. It would make
anyone sick.
If I started Penn attempting to find a new
me, I’ve at least started.
An opportunity to expand
outwards, my first few
months were also the
chance to look inwards.
Life before freshman
year is the control for
learning who we are. College is the experiment.
Healthy
stress has
reason.
Anxiety
doesn’t.
Campus Resources
The HELP Line: 215–898–HELP
Counseling and Psychological
Services:
215–898–7021
215–349–5490 (Nights and weekends)
University Chaplain’s Office:
215–898–8456
Student Health Service:
215–746–3535
Office of the Vice Provost for
University Life: 215–898–6081
Reach–A–Peer Helpline:
215–573–2727 (9 pm—1 am every night)
WORD ON THE STREET
WHERE I’VE BEEN AND WHERE I’M GOING:
MY EXPERIENCE WITH MENTAL HEALTH
CHARLOTTE CORAN
I
t was not a suicide attempt. I
was not trying to kill myself.
At the beginning of the fall
semester, I cut my left wrist
and soon after found myself in
the emergency room at HUP.
After a psychiatric evaluation
that lasted several hours, I was
released into the custody of my
parents.
Ten days later, I returned
to the hospital, this time to
Belmont Comprehensive
Treatment Center, a mental
health facility about 15 minutes outside of Philly. There,
I spent a week in the mood
disorder unit, a place for those
struggling with anxiety, depression, and other personality
disorders. I engaged in group
therapy sessions and met with
a team of doctors, medical
students and social workers on
a daily basis.
I was diagnosed with general
anxiety and obsessive–compulsive disorders, accompanied
by bouts of depression, when
I was 17. I have been working
with a psychologist for four
years now, and a psychiatrist
for one.
That said, I don’t think of
myself as having an illness. I
consider my anxiety and OCD
parts of myself, parts that ebb
and flow—sometimes I’m in
control of the emotions that
these disorders intensify, and
sometimes I’m not. Like the
tattoo I got my freshman year
of college proudly declares:
“it’s only a part of you.” These
issues are not all of me. They
do not define me.
As a Penn student, however,
living with them has proved
nearly impossible at times. The
various kinds of support—
which in a few cases, meant no
support at all—I received upon
returning to campus after being hospitalized speaks to the
urgent need for us to engage
in a productive conversation
about mental health.
Some people are no longer
in my life because of what
happened to me last semester.
On the other hand, I’ve been
humbled by the friendships
that have withstood the strain
my issues have put on them.
I’ve found that working
through problems that have
plagued me for years has
actually enhanced my ability
to manage the various responsibilities I have here at Penn.
As a result of my anxiety and
depression, I’ve looked to the
other parts of myself to find
strength. For example, I revel
in doing well in my classes—
nothing makes me feel quite as
accomplished as spending an
afternoon in Fisher Fine Arts
finishing a paper. I am grateful
for the creative outlet that
being an editor for Under The
Button provides, and I value
the relationships my sorority
has fostered.
I take five classes, I identify
strongly with several on–campus groups and I love to SABS
at Tap or Harvest just as much
I wouldn't be where I am today if I hadn't
struggled
with
Illustration
by Amy
Chen.
anxiety and depression.
ILLUSTRATION BY AMY CHEN
as anyone else. In this way,
I am very much a “typical”
Penn student. However,
it seems that other Penn
students either struggle
with the same issues as me,
yet choose not to confront
them, or are unable to
relate to me because of their
own fear.
We don’t know what
someone in front of us in
line at HubBub hopes to do
upon graduating, with whom
the kid sitting in recitation
This is why it is of
the utmost
importance that
compassion guides
our actions, because
ignorance leads to
alienation.
might be in an argument, or
why the person running on the
adjacent treadmill at Pottruck
is exercising. We are all struggling with something. Some
of us are just better at managing our thoughts and emotions than others. This is why
it is of the utmost importance
that compassion guides our
actions, because ignorance
leads to alienation.
The day after I was released
from the hospital, I went to
class. I’m not ashamed. I refuse to let my demons inhibit
me from having the traditional
Penn experience I want.
SPRUCESTREET
STREET ••215.222.5055
37343734
SPRUCE
215.222.5055
A P R I L 2 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E
5
EGO
EGO’S AWARDS FOR CREATIVE FUNDRAISING
2
1 PHI GAMMA NU
st
nd
SIG EP
Chapter House BBQ
3
rd
PIKE
Balls 4 Balls
This business frat clearly knows how to grab
life by the balls. Their meatball-eating contest
raises awareness for testicular cancer, and will
go through several rounds before the Kings (or
Queens) of Balls are crowned. (Ed. note: King or
Queen of Balls will most likely be a category in next
year’s Senior Superlatives.)
Price: $10 for Teams of 2
Watermelon
Eating Contest
This is Pike’s first year throwing a watermelon
eating contest. We’re handing them third place
mostly because there will be so many opportunities to sing “I’ve been drinking watermelon.” #bey
Price: Not yet announced
HONORABLE MENTIONS:
Circle K: Selling Puppy Chow on Locust Walk and at Relay
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6
3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E A P R I L 2 , 2 01 5
Puppy Chow is a drool–worthy dessert
made of Chex Mix, peanut butter and
chocolate (so it's basically just sugar).
If you missed Therapy Dogs last week,
puppy chow should do the trick.
Price: $3 for 1 container, or $5 for 2
containers.
Colleges Against Cancer: Pie the Presidents
During Relay, the CAC Team will have
jars for each member of their exec board,
and the member whose jar has the most
money at the end of the event will get
pied in the face. We applaud their self–
sacrifice, but this won’t stop us from eating it off their faces.
Price: Up to you
Alpha Delta Pi: Pretzel Sale on Locust Walk
Penn’s newest sorority will be selling pretzels on Locust the week before Relay. We
hope to see some “hot and twisted” jokes
galore (Ed. note: Sex sells, even pretzels).
Price: $1 per pretzel
REPORTING BY CASSANDRA KYRIAZIS
ILLUSTRATIONS BY AMY CHEN
Hot dog! Sig Ep boys are putting their wieners
where their mouths are this year. They plan to
hold a BBQ at their house the day before Relay
with live music entertainment and hot dogs for
all. Ego loves to eat and has never (maybe) made
out with a hot dog, so we support this. Don’t
forget the condom–ents!
Price: TBD for BBQ ticket
Relay for Life is coming up on April 10th,
and Ego wants to award groups who know
how to put the fun in fundraising. All of the
money from these fundraisers goes towards the American Cancer Society, which
funds a number of cancer-related causes.
EGO
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A P R I L 2 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E
7
EGO
EGO OF THE WEEK: DANI CASTILLO
Dani is as sweet as a honeybee. She’s buzzing with energy, but watch out: she might sting you if you cut down a tree.
From: Born in Mexico City, raised in
Texas
Age: 22
Activities: Fossil Free Penn, Student
Sustainability Association at Penn
Marketing Vice-Chair, Carriage Senior
Society, Vagina Monologues cast and
graphic design, PennGreen Leader,
former co-chair Penn Environmental
Group, Urban Nutrition Initiative
Major: Architecture and Urban Studies
Street: So we hear you like the
environment. Have you ever
made out with a tree?
Dani Castillo: I’ve kissed a
tree before, yeah! I wouldn’t say
make out, but we had a nice
little peck. And hugs.of course.
Street: If Carriage had a mascot, who or what would it be?
DC: Something like a big glitter explosion.
Street: Tell us
something about
Carriage that we
don’t know.
DC: The
GroupMe is
probably the most
entertaining thing.
It changes subject
every 10 seconds,
and it’s so hilarious. And the GIF
game is so on
point.
Street: What’s the weirdest
piece of art you’ve ever made?
DC: I haven’t done this yet,
but it was an idea I just got the
other night. I was on this Tumblr about what different vaginas
look like! Like labias look so
different for so many people—
different lengths, different
colors. I was like wow, they’re
really beautiful in their variety.
So I want to do a project that
represents their variety in an
artistic way.
Street: Tell us about your
interest in bees.
DC: Oh I love bees! I want
to get a bee tattoo, actually.
They’re so fascinating! The
way that they communicate
with each other, they have
little dances that they do. And
they’re just such team players.
And they’re so important to the
environment. Bees need more
love.
Street: What’s your favorite
word?
DC: “Nubivagant.” It [means]
wandering, but through the
clouds; moving through the air.
And I just love that feeling.
Street: Fill in the blank: There
are two kinds of people at
Penn…
DC: So we have this thing in
my house where whenever
we see people talking too
much about themselves,
we call them out and
we say “Generation me
me me!” GM3. We just call
out people for being obsessed
with social media. So I’d say
there are people who can live in
the moment, or those who are
GM3.
Street: First kiss?
DC: It was so awkward and
like...wet.
Street: First AIM screenname?
DC: I did it with a friend who
I thought was gonna be my
BBFL forever. I was PuNkYmOnKeY117 and she was
FuNkYmOnKeY117.
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8
3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E A P R I L 2 , 2 01 5
MUSIC
Street grabbed coffee with Odessa and talked floor plans, lonliness and spontaneity
Odessa—the soulful voice behind the single "I Will Be There"—sits across from me at a table at
Menagerie Coffee, wearing the same worn leather coat and jeans that she will bask in two hours later
at Underground Arts. Calm and collected, she seems to have no idea that her career is about to change
big–time . After all, her self–titled EP set for release on April 28th, is the biggest step for her as a solo
artist so far.
For six years, Odessa jumped from band to band, traveling around the world with a diverse array of
musicians, ranging from bluegrass groups to indie–rock artists. Now for the first time, she has spent
the spring touring on her own, performing her own sweet, pop–folk songs onstage with only a guitarist and bassist at her side.
“You are lonelier touring alone. So, I’ve been lonelier than I ever have been in my entire life,” she
muses. “Musically, it’s more gratifying, right when I come off stage, its more of a high, because I just
did something by myself. It’s just a different thing, like going out to get a cup of coffee by yourself
versus going out with a bunch of friends.”
Her life and career has always been all music, discarding brief plans to model or study. “I really love
to draw, and I love to draw floor plans—architectural drawings. I just think they are so beautiful to
look at." Odessa elaborates, “it's sort of that regimented way of thinking that’s really not me at all, so
I’ve always really been drawn towards that."
This comes as no surprise—she was even set to enroll at the Art Institute of New York for interior
architecture and design four years ago, until her father passed away and she needed a new direction.
She mentions: “All these crazy life things happened and I decided I didn’t want to play music anymore
because it’s too hard to deal with all of life and trying to deal with being out on the road all the time.”
Her need to fully pursue her own music formed when she moved to Nashville and finally started
writing. A year and a half later, she faced yet another setback when she was brought to the brink of
death, hit by a car that left her with an injured neck and ribs. I ask her about and she responds: “I had
just gotten to the point where we were almost finished. I was starting to talk to the label and seeing
what doing my own thing could be like. I didn’t even really think about it, it was just like, ‘Okay,
that’s not happening.’”
And then, a call came in from Edward Sharpe & The
Magnetic Zeroes. Odessa’s injuries were hindering her
vocal recording abilities, so she jumped into the band’s
tour as a violinist, neck brace and all.“Recently I found
a couple of other pictures of us in a carriage in New Orleans, all playing, and I had the [neck] brace on. But that
was crazy. I was on heavy–duty painkillers, which at the
time, I’d never really done any drugs at all,” Odessa says.
“It was insane. I was virtually addicted to them after that.
I was pretty much in a dream for 8 months, but it was
nice, I had a blast with that band.”
Odessa cites D’Angelo’s newest album, Black Messiah,
as one of her current favorites, as well as the work of Cocteau Twins, Sturgill Simpson, and Kurt Vile. Sometimes
she strays from that vein, listening to the more obscurespecifically, the Star Wars soundtrack. “We put it on for
my friend’s birthday. We were listening to something
way groovier, more of a party vibe, and then [my friends]
were like, ‘Oh we should listen to Star Wars and put on
that part where they’re in the cantina.’ We put that on for
three hours.”
Odessa's tastes and location might seem unpredictable;
she's rarely off the road for more than a few months. But
if one thing is for sure, it’s that you’re going to hear about
her, at Penn and elsewhere. She’s on a creative bender,
ready to release another record as soon as this one comes
150 Bottled
out. And we'll be waiting.
Great Service!
28 beers on tap
Philly’s Best Wings!
Beers.
A favorite of Penn students for decades!
Photo credit: Odessa Facebook page
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A P R I L 2 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E
9
MUSIC
(Photo credit: The Go Team! Facebook Page)
YOUR
WEEK
IN
MUSIC
Tune in and turn up.
WHAT TO SEE:
• Damien Rice is coming to the Academy of Music on Wednesday, the
day after, April 8th. We vote this concert as the most ideal for a first
date—that is, if you like your dates bawling on your shoulders. And
want to take us as your dates. Please?
WHAT TO LISTEN TO:
• What For, Toro y Moi’s newest album is now available for streaming.
Did you read that last sentence? Get on that shit ASAP. Some jazz
and some electric guitar. You’ll be the least miserable person in Van
Prison with this new soundtrack.
• Sufjan Stevens is back with a heartbreaking album Carrie & Lowell,
named after Stevens’
mother and stepfather,
will remind you of
when you cried yourself
to sleep after watching
his soundtrack for The
OC. The album just
came out and deserves
a listen.
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WHAT TO BRING UP IN
CONVERSATION:
• Remember The Go!
Team from years ago?
Well, they haven’t
released an album since
you were a senior in
high school. In anticipation for their newest
album, they’ve been
posting cool af music
videos. The most recent
one Reason Left to Destroy is hella creepy and
appropriate if you want
a late–night scare.
• Zayn Malik left
something called One
Direction. Get over
yourself—you go to
college now.
MUSIC
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cravings.
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A P R I L 2 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 1
F E AT U R E
I
t was a Friday when Lauren Hunter
got the call. After leaving work and
a last minute lunch at New Deck,
the College junior had one hand on the
door to her off–campus house when
her phone call with her best friend
from home was interrupted by a call
from her mom.
“My mom spoke one syllable, and
I could hear she was crying,” Lauren
remembers of that October afternoon
last fall. “I started screaming and crying. There was no one in my house,
and there’s usually eleven people in my
house. I just started hysterically crying.
I couldn’t function. I couldn’t move.”
After her dad was diagnosed with
MLS leukemia, Lauren and her mother
developed an understanding where she
would call her and tell her when she
needed to come home.
The hours that followed would lead
Lauren back to New Jersey, to her
father’s hospital bedside.
His diagnosis came during during Lauren’s sophomore year at Penn,
after years of battling lymphoma and
prostate cancer. That Friday, after he
couldn’t make it down the stairs, he’d
been rushed to the hospital.
After spending the night in the
1 2 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E A P R I L 2 , 2 01 5
hospital, her dad took a turn for the
worse. The doctors told the room full
of family members he would not last
the next 24 hours.
“All of a sudden, all of a sudden I
was just like, I need to get a photo with
him before he starts losing his shit,”
Laurens says, the memory lighting up
her face. “And that’s the photo I posted
on Facebook. I’m so happy I got that
photo.”
That photo informed the friends
Lauren had left at Penn two days prior
of her new reality: on October 25th,
2014, her father passed away.
In the past year, grief and tragedy
have crossed Penn’s campus in staggering ways. Penn students have mourned
and remembered classmates, demanded
change and seen our administration
attempt to respond to mental health
issues.
Yet, chances are that a girl in your
psych recitation hasn’t talked about the
death of her mother in weeks. When
asked what his parents do for a living,
that boy down the hall knows how to
employ a well–rehearsed response that
gives no indication his dad’s been dead
for years.
According to a 2010 Balk, Walker &
F E AT U R E
Baker study of college students nationwide, between 35% and 48% students
have lost a family member or close
friend in the past two years. For every
two years, 1.7% of students in college
lose a parent. A 2009 survey conducted
by Comfort Zone Camp, a camp for
grieving children, found that one in
nine people can expect to lose a parent
before the age of 20.
T
* * *
o grieve at Penn means to grieve
while still trying to achieve the
“destructive perfectionism”
this school tends to demand, a phrase
Penn’s Task Force on Student Psychological Health and Welfare used in their
recent report. For students who have
suffered the loss of a parent, priorities
and timing are uncontrollable.
“Obviously, I had good days and bad
days,” Pat Zancolli says, squeezing in
an interview in the food court next to
CVS before his urban education seminar. “I’m still in the process of trying to
get 100% up to speed.”
The College freshman and Daily
Pennsylvanian reporter has spent the
last month adjusting to life without
his mom. On December 19th, she
checked into a hospital for a severe
headache. That headache led to her
transfer to the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania where she fell into
a coma. Though she woke up from the
coma, the breathing tube she eventually
received didn’t improve her condition.
Pat’s mom spent her last days with him
in hospice at HUP. She passed away on
February 5th.
Coming back to school and classes
helped Pat, but the grieving process is
still an integral part of his daily life. In
Counseling and Psychological Services
(CAPS), he’s found the time to reflect
on what had happened.
“At Penn, sometimes it’s easy to
forget about stuff like that,” Pat says.
“You’re so focused on the stressful envi-
ronment you’re in and how everyone is
trying to keep up with their work.” He
admits that taking time to grieve can
make him feel guilty. “[That guilt] is
why I wanted to go to CAPS, and that’s
why my sessions have been helpful for
me.”
CAPS isn’t the only resource for
students who lose a parent. CaseNet, a
team of university advisors housed in
the College Office, provides students
with support when they face academic
difficulty caused by anything from illness to tragedy.
“One of our explicit goals is to make
sure [CaseNet] is in touch with CAPS,
SHS, the cultural centers, Weingarten
and faculty, too,” says Wally Panseng,
the Associate Director for Academic
Advising in the College Office and
CaseNet’s coordinator. “If a student
reveals they’re having a difficulty, we try
to make sure those folks know we are a
resource.” When Penn students lose a
parent, advisors let them dictate their
next steps.
“Different students have different priorities—what they want to do
and what they want to accomplish,”
explains Penseng. “[For CaseNet],
meeting them where they are, offering
them support for what they are going
through is really important.”
There is no set protocol for advisors
to help a student after the death of a
parent. Meeting with a CaseNet advisor
can result in anything from dropping
a class to leaving for the semester to
a seeking help from another campus
resource.
“This is one of the hardest things
students go through in our experience,”
Penseng says. “So its really meaningful
for us to be as supportive as we can in
as many ways as we can.”
Two days after her father passed,
Lauren received a phone call from a
CaseNet advisor. The advisor gave
her condolences and the two set up a
meeting to get Lauren back on track for
the rest of the semester. She needed to
decide what her schedule would be like
when she returned to campus.
When they sat down, Lauren had
no problem dropping a class, but the
meeting took a turn when her CaseNet
advisor asked that she provide “proof of
death.”
“It was like, ‘I need to somehow be
sure you are not lying to me,’" Lauren
recalls of that meeting. “I don’t even
know what she said, but that’s how it
came off to me. I’m not a very emotional person in front of people,” But,
she says, “I almost lost my shit in her
office.” Lauren left the meeting with
extreme hesitations about future interactions with the advisor.
J
* * *
ust as students must log back in
to Penn InTouch and head back
to their 9am classes after the loss
of a parent, they must also find ways
to return to the social lives they left
behind.
Before telling people about his mom,
Pat always begins with the phrase, “‘I
don’t want to make things weird.’"
“That’s my thing,” Pat says. “I don’t
know if it’s the best thing to say, but I
don’t mean to make things weird.” The
fear of weighing down social interactions with the knowledge of their past
holds some students back from sharing
their situations. Pat says, “It’s a touchy
subject. You don’t know how people
are going to react.” After a loss, every
situation from casual conversations in
WilCaf to interview questions about
family requires an extra level of consideration.
Pat may not know what to say when
the topic comes up, but every other
Monday night, Actively Moving Forward meetings begin almost as if they’re
scripted:
“Hi my name is __________ and
it’s been X years/months/days since my
_______ passed away.”
The students who gather for these
meetings know exactly what the conversation will focused on. There’s no
fear of making things weird.
In 2007, David Fajgenbaum (a 2014
Wharton MBA), founded Actively
Moving Forward at Georgetown University after his mother passed away
from cancer. His idea was to get a
group together that understood what
he was going through—that could
help each other deal with the grieving process. The network of support
groups has since expanded to about 60
campuses nationwide.
AMF has been at Penn for seven
years and students head there with
referrals from CAPS, SHS and other
University resources.
“Grief is such a unique thing and
you get so many different responses,”
says Melanie Wolff, a College junior
and the president of AMF. “So it’s hard
to create an organization that caters to
every person’s unique grieving process.”
Despite the difficulties, Melanie runs
meetings that give other students a welcoming space to discuss the moments
in their daily lives which are marked
by loss. She first joined three years ago,
when she was a freshman.
After losing her mother in her senior
year of high school, Melanie was forced
to deal with grief on her own for the
first time when she came to Penn.
“I think my hardest moment was
my one year anniversary. It was probably the darkest time of the year here,
all dreary and snowy,” remembers
Melanie. “I was breaking down in the
bathroom during the day. I think I
had AMF that week, and it was super
important I went.”
I
* * *
n the end, we only have four years
here.
“At the beginning of the semester
there are so many opportunities. I had
so many high hopes for this semester,”
says Pat. “I feel like I’m a little bit
behind others, which is frustrating for
me. The only thing I can think about
that is that each semester is a new
thing.”
The death of a parent is one of the
most personal forms of grief—yet,
simultaneously, one of the most universal. For college students, losing a loved
one accelerates the sense of urgency
already permeating all other aspects
of campus life. It can mean deciding
whether or not to skip class on the anniversary of the death or leaving a party
to escape a song that brings back old
memories.
Sometimes, it just means trying to
find a way to tell their story.
Amanda Suarez is a junior Fine Arts major
from Philadelphia. She is the current Features
editor for 34th Street Magazine. It has been a
year and a half since she lost her mother.
A P R I L 2 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 3
FILM AND TV
UNBREAKABLE KIMMY SCHMIDT: IT'S A MIRACLE!
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt is a gift from the comedic gods.
I binge watched Unbreakable Kimmy
Schmidt while high on Vicodin. Let me
explain. Over spring break, I got my wisdom
teeth out and decided that my slightly drug–
fueled days were best spent discovering yet
another Netflix original series.
Once I finished the thirteen–episode stint,
I realized that it was not in fact the Vicodin
that gave Kimmy Schmidt its unmistakable
loopiness and goofiness—it was Tina Fey’s
brainchild coming to full fruition. (Ed. note:
The drugs probably didn't hurt, though.)
UKS is filled with diverse, crazy characters.
The show centers around Kimmy Schmidt—a
“mole woman” who was recently freed from
an underground cult—and her attempt to
find herself in New York City. Every character has something unique (or outright crazy)
UKS QUOTES FOR
THE DAILY QUAKER
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about them. UKS doesn’t attempt to convince
you once again that a totally relatable TV
plotline involves six hot best friends with
great jobs and cool apartments. Its characters
are diverse in age, race and lifestyle, making for a much more realistic and interesting
show.
Also important to the show is the strong
female cast. After saying goodbye to Parks
and Rec's hilariously neurotic Leslie Knope,
Kimmy is warmly welcomed as another
strong, confident female lead. Jane Krakowski
and Carol Kane’s supporting roles as a rich
Manhattan housewife and a money–grubbing landlord only add to the show’s diverse
portrayal of female characters.
UKS uses its humor to create comedic
edge. The show addresses topics like sex and
When your professor tries to have a
test the day after Fling:
“If this is your idea of a joke, then you belong in a Woody Allen film cause I’m not
laughing.” —Xanthippe’s birth mom
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virginity, drugs and peer pressure. Its characters have undergone abduction, sexual assault,
discrimination and racism. Yet all of these
storylines are delivered with confident, unapologetic humor. When Titus, a black, gay
character, fears he’s getting old, he laments,
“Black, gay and old? I won't even know
what box to check on the hate crime form!”
Simililarly, Kimmy addresses her abduction in
a bunker by saying: “I survived, because that’s
what women do. We eat a bag of dirt, pass it
in a kiddie pool, and move on!” (What? She
needed the iron.)
The characters on this show confront
their demons in a meaningful way without
sacrificing humor. And that sincerity makes
the show so refreshing, even after the drug
comedown.
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FILM AND TV
THE PENN STUDENT FILM FESTIVAL:
MAKING MOVES TO MAKE MOVIES
NICOLA GENTILI
ANN MOLIN
IVAN MOUTINHO
The Penn Student Film
Festival has been around as
long as the cinema studies major itself. It’s a fairly
straightforward process,
as frequent festival–goer
Ann Molin (C ‘16) puts it:
“The whole system is pretty
simple. Submit a movie
on time, and you’re in the
festival.” There’s a time
limitation—no movie can be
longer than eight minutes—
but otherwise students have
free reign over the content
in their films.
Professor Nicola Gentili,
assistant director of the Penn
Cinema Studies Department
and the de facto person–
in–charge for the festival,
says they see terrific genre
variety. “Documentaries are
very popular. I think it’s easy
for students to document
something about their own
experience. There’s a lot of
parody about Penn symbols,
as well.”
Each year, about 30–40
movies spanning these
genres and more are submitted. The time restriction
was created to screen all of
these films in the Festival’s
three day time span. While
it can be difficult for some
students to adhere to it,
Ivan Moutinho (C ‘15), sees
value in the constraint. “It
gives us experience on how
to shorten our work and get
to the point—it can be really valuable for editors and
filmmakers alike.”
There are two preliminary
screening nights for the
festival, where finalists are
chosen for the third night
of the festival. That night,
9–12 films are shown and
3 winners are chosen ($500
for first place, $250 for sec-
The Penn Student Film Festival gives Penn
students with a knack for making movies a
chance to showcase their work.
ond place, $150 for thirdscript to make a movie. The
tion at the screenings to give
place), as well as an audience version she directed will be
feedback to the filmmakers.
favorite which merits a $100 the one submitted. The festi- And the screenings provide a
prize. The selection process
val itself, according to Ivan,
relaxed environment.
involves juries of cinema
seems to look for films that
“People hang out. There’s
studies professors, students
have the most effort put into usually food and stuff.
and a filmmaking expert
them, in either the film's
While the judges talk, everyduring the preliminary
directing or editing.
body sgets into their little
nights. The jury on the final
For students, the festival
groups beccause everybody
night is mostly comprised of provides an opportunity to
brings their friends for the
film studies professors, but
show their movies to the
verdict,” Ann says.
student judges get to choose world, at a pre–professional
The Penn Student Film
the audience favorite.
university where emphasis
Festival attempts to fill the
The festival, which started on actual filmmaking can
void where the Cinema
on Tuesday, has taken place
be hard to find. The festival
Studies department falls
in various college houses,
has loyal turnout each year,
short. “We teach film as a
is organized by the Cinema
from students in Penn’s Bent text, so we understand the
Studies Department in
Button Society (the underurge, the desire to make
collaboration with video
graduate filmmaking club)
your own movies,” Professor
production professors. Any
to college houses coeds who
Gentili says on the subject.
student can submit, but
love movies, to really anyone Ivan also sees where the film
many of the submissions
who can wrangle a movie
festival steps up, “To make
come from cinema studies
together.
a good movie, you have to
and fine arts majors who
The audiences each year
make a lot of bad ones, and
have been enrolled in video
are very responsive. Accordthe Penn Film Festival is a
production classes.
ing to Ivan, “For us to grow
great chance to try.”
Ivan Moutinho and Ann
as filmmakers, you need that
Molin are two of these
feedback. To just learn from
CASSANDRA KYRIAZIS
students and are both very
it and get better at it.” It’s
involved in the filmmaking
part of a natural conversacommunities at Penn.
Ivan’s movie Imagined
Warfare won first prize
at the festival last year,
and Ann is submitting
for the first time this year
after having attended the
film festival for the last
two years. Ivan, who is a
La Fontana Della Citta
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SUN-THURS 11AM - 10PM | FRI & SAT 11AM - 3AM
1 6 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E A P R I L 2 , 2 01 5
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There's food porn, and then there's the culinary
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A P R I L 2 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 17
highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow
highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow
highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow
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BY
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34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011
34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011
34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011
SPACIOUS
HOUSE
$196,136
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• 215.387.8533
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• University
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4006
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Chestnut
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University
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8 88
1 8 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E A P R I L 2 , 2 01 5
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| 215.222.0222
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NEED
MORE
NUDE?
1. Be an artist.
The lovely, owlish professor Ivanco Talevski runs free
figure–drawing sessions for
Penn arts students in Addams
on Wednesday evenings. Stop
by to sketch.
2. Have a lap dance.
Something neglected on the tours
is that Atlantis Gentlemen's Club
at 38th and Chestnut is just a
block from campus. When you
get down to it, stripping is performance art—somewhere between
Pornhub and Cirque du Soleil.
3. DIY
Get naked and get going. Bonus points for
anyone who streaks Hey
Day!
ARTS
UNDRESS FOR SUCCESS
Business professional and business casual are
terms you're familiar with if you’ve ever been
25 square inches of photographic print for one
to an info session, interview, internship or job
BitchCoin. The idea is that, as the value of
anything—basically if you're past freshman
Sarah's work increases, so will the value of the
year at Penn. The second word of each phrase
is the indentifier, dictating whether a tie and/or BitchCoin.
Surprisingly, the photographs received little
blazer are necessary. The first mandates, more
resistance—both
in production and distribuoften than not, a loss of childhood.
tion.
They
were
shot
for a project for Gabriel
In 2013, Sarah Meyohas added a new dress
Martinez’s
Body
and
Photography class during
code for aspiring professionals: business nude.
Meyohas’
junior
spring
semester. The first
On her last day of classes, the then–Huntsshots
were
taken
at
5am
due to apprehension.
man student released her series of photographs
The artist and model simply walked in past
of classmate Danielle posing nude in Huntsthe security guards (the model wearing only
man Hall. The photographs, taken for a class
a trench coat). The artist set up the lights in
project, became available for purchase as
the forum. The model disrobed. The artist
postcards via her website. Within 24 hours
snapped. Easy.
the site had more than 6,300 visitors, and
The simplicity of it all encouraged them to
that number rose to more 15,000 in just a few
days. While she expected people to look at the take more photographs over the course of two
Business Nude photographs, the scale took her days, including shooting on the 8th floor at
2pm. It was then
by surprise—“it was
"The artist and model simply walked in past that someone did
more powerful than
the security guards (the model wearing only walk in. But after
pictures on the wall.”
To work on a digital a trench coat), the artist set up the lights in being told it was
platform necessitates the forum, the model disrobed, and the artist for a photography
snapped. Easy. "
project they left
a relinquishment of
without issue.
control, the images are subject to the unquantiMeyohas said her favorite reactions to the
fiable power of the internet and its users.
The photographs discuss the exchange of the project were that both Inge Herman, Executive Director of the Huntsman Program, and
human body. Through the powerful images,
Janice Bellace, professor of legal studies and
that currency is feminized. For Penn students
the work presents a familiar space that's loaded management, loved it. Furthermore, to this
day, a group of guys from the Huntsman Prowith connotations. Meanwhile, outside of
Penn, the setting is simply a random corporate gram have the postcards on their refrigerator.
Meyohas began to focus more on her
space. The model is sexualized, exposed and
artwork;
she cites declining an OCR interncommodified. When talking about the series,
ship
to
focus
on her art as a turning point.
Meyohas said, “There is push and pull between
After
leaving
Penn,
Meyohas joined the MFA
feminism and not.”
program
at
Yale,
a
decision
greatly influenced
While she used to say her work wasn’t
autobiographical, that's not longer the case. As by her mentor Terry Adkins. Adkins was a
well–loved professor and renowned artist and
a female artist interested in finance, the work
musician who passed away in February of
is unavoidably personal. Many of her other
series are similarly centered on economies. For 2014.
She took a risk—a concept that's all too rare
example, in "Gold Glitched," she explores the
at Penn—and it paid off. Perhaps more Penn
symbolic economy of gold.
students should consider forgoing business
Similarly, her venture BitchCoin turns her
art into investment. Miroring the model of Bit- formal and business casual in favor of business
nude.
Coin, BitchCoin allows investors to purchase
CIARA STEIN
On her last day of classes in 2013, Huntsman alum Sarah
Meyohas headed to Huntsman Hall with a camera and a
naked woman.
*More images @ this url: http://www.sarahmeyohas.com/
Business-Nude
A P R I L 2 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 2 1
LOWBROW
LOW CAL LOWBROW: LOWBROW GETS IN SHAPE
SIX
WORKOUT
TIPS
FOR
OUTSIDE
THE
GYM
Going to the gym can be a real drag. Here are
Lowbrow's hot tips for keeping it tight without hitting up Pottruck.
1. Run away from zombies:
It'll make your adrenaline
spike so much that you won’t
even realize you just got a
killer workout. Goodbye brain
eating undead creatures, hello
toned calves.
2. Steal from the elderly:
They’re usually deficient in
at least two senses anyway, so
they won’t even notice if you
take a TV or a nice antique
end table. Better yet, steal the
elderly. Added challenge: swap
people from different nursing
homes. If you get caught, run.
Free cardio.
3. Get drunk and fuck shit
up: A lot of people go to the
gym to take kickboxing classes, but you can get the same
workout for free by getting
belligerently drunk and then
picking fights with people.
4. Do your kegels: Lowbrow is
working out right now.
5. Beef up your diet: Try
to only consume heavy food
(whole watermelons, fully
grown cows, etc.) so that even
when you’re eating you’re
building muscle.
6. Try weird sex things:
Cosmo says that sex burns 75
calories an hour, but you can
burn way more calories by doing the kinky shit. Have your
partner tie you up and sing
tribal chants backward as you
try to break free. Make sure to
engage your core.
Brunch
Steak and Eggs Two eggs any style served with a 14 oz. NY strip steak, a side of home fries toast. 12.99
Breakfast Burrito Grande A flour tortilla stuffed with eggs, Chihuahua cheese, black beans, pico de gallo,
and
chorizo,
with more
cheese
and our
tomatillo
sauce.
with sides
of sour with
creamour
andpepperberry
our
Steak
and
Eggstopped
Two eggs
any style
served
with
a 14 oz.
NYServed
strip steak
seasoned
home
guacamole.
rub and
a made
side of
home fries.7.99
Your choice of toast. 12.99
Burger Benedict Our famous sirloin burger served on top of a toasted brioche roll with ham and a poached
egg and smothered in a jalapeno hollandaise sauce. Served with a side of home fries. 8.99
FAD DIETS YOU
MUST TRY
How do you think Kim Kardashian got those killer
curves?
Peels Diet: On this diet you
can only eat the peels of various fruits and vegetables, but
you can eat as much of those
Breakfast
Burrito
Grande
A
flour
tortilla
stuffed
with
eggs,
Chihuahua
cheese,
black
beans,
pico
de
gallo,
Challah French Toast Sweet Challah Bread, powdered sugar. Served with Vermont maple syrup. 6.99
Toast cheese
Hot, sweet
bread stuffed
dark rum
bananas
and
and Banana
chorizo,Stuffed
toppedFrench
with more
andChallah
our tomatillo
sauce.with
Served
withcaramelized
sides of sour
cream
and our peels as you want. Sit down
sugar and a side
of Vermont maple syrup. 8.99
with a bucket of lemon peels
homepowdered
made guacamole.
7.99
Signature Omelets 6.99
and dig in.
All omelets served with your choice of toast and a side of home fries
Nails Diet: Trying to look
Brighton
bacon and
cheddar
Burger
Benedict
Our famous
burger
of a –toasted
brioche
roll with ham and a
Copa
– mild green
chilies &sirloin
Monterey
jackserved on top
San
Remo
–
spinach
and
provolone
cheese
hot
so you can get nailed by
poached egg and smothered in a jalapeno hollandaise sauce. Served with a side of home fries. 8.99
Monte Carlo – mushrooms and cheddar
Yucatan – fried onions, jalapenos, and Monterey
that special someone? Try the
Cannes – bacon and bleu cheese
jack cheese
nail diet! Fingernail clipOr Create your own Omelet!
$3 MimoM
a
k
e
sa
pings are chock full of much
s y
Signature Omelets 6.99
home&frour
Bloody M
ie
a
ry
s
s
needed protein and calcium,
All omelets served with your choice of toast and a side of home fries
11am - S1ppanish for
but shockingly low in calo9m9¢!
ries. Sautée and garnish with
Poinsettia A twist on the classic mimosa, Champagne, Cointreau Liquor, and Cranberry
Copa
– mild
green
chilies
andof Champagne, Victory
Brighton
– bacon
and cheddar
Monkey
Mimosa
A delicious
mixture
Golden Monkey,
and Orange
Juice.
rosemary for a nice gourmet
Monterey
cheese
Passion Mimosa
Fruitjack
Mimosa
Cointreau Liquor,
and Copa’s signature
passion
fruit Punch
Monkey
AChampagne,
delicious mixture
of Champagne,
Victory
Golden
Monkey, and
touch.
Remo
spinach
provolone
Whipped Wake Up Call Start Your Day off right with 8 oz.San
of coffee
served–with
Pinnadeand
Whipped
Cream
Orange
Juice.
Put
that
monkey
back
on
your
back.
Jelly Bean Diet: Dieting
Vodka, Bailey’s
Irish Cream,
andjalapenos,
Topped with Whipped Cream.
Yucatan
– fried
onions,
Monte
Carlo
–
mushrooms
and
cheddar
shouldn't
keep you from the
Peppery
Bloody
Mary
For
those
who
like
their
Bloody
Mary’s
extra
spicy,
we
substitute
Southern
Comfort
and
Monterey
jack cheese
Pepper
instead
of
vodka
with
our
special
Bloody
Mary
mix.
food
you
love.
With this diet
Poinsettia A twist on the classic mimosa, Champagne, Cointreau Liquor, and Cranberry.
Cannes
– than
bacon
and bleu
cheese
Twisted Mojitos Try one of our famous Mojitos mixed something
other
the traditional
Rum
for a
you can guiltlessly indulge
surprisingly delicious twist... Jack Daniels Honey or Carolina’s Sweet Tea Vodka
your sweet tooth! For each
Brunch Drink Menu
Passion Fruit Mimosa Champagne, Cointreau Liquor, and Copa’s signature passion Fruit
Brunch served Saturday and
11am-3pm
| 40th and Spruce | copabanana.com
OrSunday
Create
your own…
Punch, makes for a tasty mimosa.
Choose a cheese and 1 ingredient 6.99
2 2 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E A P R I L 2 , 2 01 5
Whipped
WakeProvolone,
Up Call Start
Your Day
offBlue
rightcheese,
with 8 oz.
of coffee
served or
with
PinChoose from:
Monterey
Jack,
Cheddar,
American
Swiss
meal you get one fruit flavored
jelly bean (for vitamins) and
two cheat jellybeans of whatever flavor you want throughout the day. Choose wisely.
Gizzard Diet: After a week
of eating only gizzards you
won’t have any appetite at all!
That’s when the weight loss
really begins.
C
Pet Diet: You probably
only
have a couple of pets, but if
you ration them carefully and
use proper preservation techniques you should be able to
subsist on their meat alone for
a couple of weeks. And then
you'll be barking for more.
Plant diet: No, it’s not that
you only eat plants, it's that
you become a plant and get
nourishment from the sun and
water. Photosynthesis is the
new black.
LOWBROW
only known cure? A life–long
gluten–free diet.
Gluten–free is the new
buzzword. People run away
from it like an old iPhone or
leggings that are not Lululemon. While most Americans
don't know what it is, it strikes
fear into the hearts of spin class
instructors and those girls who
lived on your hall freshman
year who only drank diet chasThe Story of One Man’s Vendetta Against Wheat as told by neiers. Yet, there are those who
ther a doctor nor a nutritionist.
not only accept this lifestyle
because it’s hip, but also
because they “have” to. These
Here's what we assume:
Here's what we know:
are people with celiac disease.
Did he hate wheat? Was his
Bartlebee Atkins had a dream: Described as an immune
1. Both Celiac and Atkins
mother killed by wheat? Did
the complete destruction of the reaction to eating gluten, this
were founded in the 1900s.
he develop a violent vendetta
gluten industry. He knew diets disease has recently become
Strange timing, isn’t it?
after some childhood bullying? would go in and out of style.
Scientific advancements or...
widespread, with up to three
We can only speculate.
But what never leaves is a life- million cases a year.
conspiracy!?
3. Celiac and Atkins both
long disease. Slowly, through
2. Robert Atkins was born
Although Atkins has
have
a “ck” sound in them.
unknown methods, he spread tried, some people still don't
in Columbus, Ohio, a city
How convenient.
this gluten intolerance. The
surrounded by wheat fields.
understand fuckin' gluten. A
CELIAC DISEASE AND
ATKINS, THE CONSPIRACY THEORY YOU
DIDN'T KNOW YOU NEEDED.
YOU BETTER
WORKOUT (CLOTHES)
Workout clothes are getting more and more high fashion. With girls dropping huge amounts of money for running pants, you'll want to show off your
workout wear at more places than the gym. Don't worry. We tell you how to
make workout clothes into any occasion clothes.
• Okay, so you wear workout
clothes to class.(We all know
you aren’t actually going to
Pottruck; you have a computer
with you.) We want you to
push it farther. Now that we
know you can wear running
shorts to an academic function,
why not present your thesis
while presenting your legs in
spandex?
• Spray paint your sneakers
gold so you can wear them out
dancing and people will think
they’re heels. People won’t notice the type of shoe—just the
sparkle. Plus, if there are creepy
guys at the club, you’ll be able
to run away much faster.
• Yoga pants make your ass
look great. Fact. Why not wear
them to a formal? Your ass will
be like, Pippa Middleton level.
All your friends’ dates will be
like, “Who’s that girl with the
hot booty?” “I think that’s Jessica’s roommate?” “I thought
she was someone’s cousin?” But
you’ll just be yolo–ing in your
yoga pants (yogaloing) like it
aint no thang.
• One word: crop tops.
Okay, two words: crop tops.
Everyone is wearing them rn.
2015 fashion is like one big
Buffy the Vampire Slayer rerun
and no one knows why, but
what we do know is crop tops.
But what is a crop top if not
really a stretched out sports
bra?
• Sweatbands are great for
keeping your hair out of your
face during Zumba, but they’re
also very useful during exams
or presentations. All of your
nervous sweat will be mopped
up before you can say, “Shit,
am I wearing deodorant?” And
you’ll look fresh to death.
• You know what’s crazy? No
one wears leotards anymore.
What’s up with that? What
better way is there to say “I am
sexy, fun and I know all the
jazzercise moves that’ll drive
the men crazy?” Wear it on a
first date to show him what
kind of girl you are.
• But this isn’t just for women—men already wear workout
clothes fucking everywhere.
Just keep doing you, dude.
waiter was heard asking, “What
kind of nut is gluten?” Another
asked, “Does gluten grow in
eggs?” Most devastating to the
cause was a Starbucks barista informing a customer, “We don’t
have gluten–free as a flavor, but
we do have hazelnut and caramel.” When the same barista
called out the order, he said,
“Gluten–free water for Julie.”
Overhearing this caused Atkins
to slip on the icy pavement in
New York City, resulting in his
death. Is Celiac a conspiracy or
actually just a really common
disease? Who cares. What matters is, shut up about being gluten–free. We don’t want to hear
about it (that is, unless you have
a serious medical condition).
LOWBROW HASN'T
GONE TO THE GYM IN
SEVEN MONTHS.
SO WE MADE THIS UP.
cihuatl
c
a
z
•
• It
67St. • (215) 4 1005
h
t
8
S
accihuatl.com
1122 ww.phillyizt
w
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Show Penn ID
Pay in cash
$20 per person
Food + Tip Included
7 Days a Week!
Bring Tequila for
free magarita mix!
CRAZY FUN!
* Ask us about room rentals!
A P R I L 2 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 2 3
B AC K PAG E
THE WIGWAM
PANINI PALACE
BILL WI THE SCIENCE FI
FANCY HORSE
OCTOPUSSY
ABRAHAM LINKSYS
YO WE GOT SPROUTS
ROUTER, I HARDLY KNOW HER
BIG D'S
POUCHES OF TUNA
BRACE YOURSELF, WIFI IS COMING
DA BOIZ COLLEGE HOUSE
WIFIE MATERIAL
AMY GUTTLAN
ENDLESS PORTAL TO CAT PHOTOS
FARTNUGGETS
Pictures: deviantart.net, wikipedia.com, spiderham.wiki.com, phillyadclub.com, complex.com, britannica.com, dealseekingmom.com, scienceblogs.com
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