1. pets
2. dogs

10-page writing sample:
LOOK AT ME, LOOK AWAY
(NOW, PLEASE)
A Full-Length Comedy
By C.S. Hanson
Contact:
C.S. Hanson
New York, NY 10022
[email protected]
Copyright © 2011 by C.S. Hanson
All Rights Reserved
LOOK AT ME, LOOK AWAY (NOW, PLEASE) © C.S. Hanson 8-3-2011
Scene 4. (pg. 21-31)
(In the apartment, Rusty is
in boxer shorts, stretched
out like a dog. Susan
enters. Rusty jumps up,
barks, runs to Susan, sniffs
her crotch with enthusiasm.)
SUSAN
Oh Rusty. That’s obnoxious. No woman likes a dog at her –
why can’t you act like a man?
(Rusty retreats under the
table.)
SUSAN
(soothing) Come here. Now I’ve hurt your feelings.
C’mon. Here Rusty. Here, here.
(Rusty goes back to Susan,
who pets him.)
Did you get dressed?
SUSAN
Did you swim?
What did you do today?
(Rusty runs into an adjoining
room, returns with a pile of
cut-up ties. With pride and
more barking, he puts them at
Susan’s feet.)
SUSAN
You cut up your ties?
(Rusty barks as if to say
“that’s right.”)
SUSAN
You really think this is an example of productivity?
(An internal BUZZER sounds
from the doorman.)
Did you order food?
SUSAN
I hope so. I’m starving.
21
(Susan talks into the house
phone:)
Send him up.
SUSAN
(Rusty whines.)
SUSAN
I couldn’t understand what he said.
hummus place?
Did you order from the
(Rusty whines.)
SUSAN
Oh, I know. I know. This can’t be easy. Home alone all
day. There are volunteer opportunities, you know. You
could go downtown to that bookstore that’s run by
volunteers. They train people to be baristas. You’d
probably need to wear a bandana. The thing is, you always
cared about your work. Is that a trap? Is it better to
just act as though you don’t give a -(The doorbell rings. Rusty
exits to the terrace.)
SUSAN
-- oh, the food.
(Susan opens the door to
Omar.)
SUSAN
Omar?
I am sorry, Mrs. Shepherd.
questions.
About what?
OMAR
I followed you.
I have more
SUSAN
OMAR
And I want to apologize. For the way I left. I’m not a
real journalist yet. The things I said were inappropriate.
I just couldn’t help myself. Too many memories.
22
SUSAN
We all get sentimental when we’re in our old classroom.
OMAR
To complete my story, I would like to ask you more
questions.
(Omar is looking around, not
quite listening to Susan.)
SUSAN
Sure. We can meet again sometime over the summer. At a
coffee bar, where the “Rules of the Classroom” aren’t
staring you in the face.
OMAR
I see that you live as I imagined and I am . . . very happy
for you.
SUSAN
I would invite you in, but –
(Rusty barks.)
OMAR
Do you have a dog?
SUSAN
Oh dear God, no. I mean, yes, yes I guess I do. For about
three months now, yes, we seem to, well, once in a while,
we have a dog visit us.
OMAR
You’re dog-sitting?
SUSAN
You’re good with the follow-up questions.
OMAR
Thank you. I like to probe for answers. I should have
been like this in the interview. I’m finally getting warmed
up. Could we do this now? The interview? I think I could
nail it.
Here?
No.
SUSAN
I don’t think so.
23
Ah, the reluctant source.
No.
No.
OMAR
SUSAN
I’m not reluctant.
OMAR
What are you hiding?
(Rusty barks.)
Why would you ask me that?
SUSAN
OMAR
I’m practicing my interviewing skills.
What, Where, Why, When.
The five w’s:
Who,
(Rusty barks with urgency.)
SUSAN
I don’t believe it.
OMAR
I’m good with dogs.
SUSAN
Really?
OMAR
They open up to me, sort of like people.
dog part of the story.
That’s not necessary.
I could make the
SUSAN
OMAR
I need to practice interviewing. Could I just talk to you
for five minutes? I won’t mention the dog.
SUSAN
You say people and dogs open up to you?
I don’t know why.
OMAR
It just happens.
24
SUSAN
Okay, okay, let’s see, this may backfire, but I have an
idea.
OMAR
I’m always looking for ideas.
SUSAN
You’d be doing me a big favor. And, you’d get to practice
your interviewing skills.
OMAR
For you, the woman who taught me English, anything.
SUSAN
My husband is going through some difficulty. He’s having a
hard time talking. Maybe if you could ask him a few
questions, get him talking, help him get the words out. I
can’t figure out what’s going through his head.
Great.
OMAR
I’ll get him talking, for sure.
SUSAN
He may bark at you.
Omar, he’s not himself.
OMAR
Really?
He was an important man.
SUSAN
Is. Still is.
OMAR
I kind of hope he barks at me. That can happen in real
life and I need to be prepared for it.
No, Omar, no barking.
speak English.
SUSAN
It’s not allowed.
Just like in the classroom.
If he barks, you leave.
In this home, we
OMAR
SUSAN
25
OMAR
Shouldn’t he be the one to leave if he barks?
SUSAN
Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.
OMAR
Mrs. Shepherd, I just thought of something. I’ll ask him
what it’s like to be married to an ESL teacher. It’ll
round out my story.
SUSAN
Okay, let’s go. Oh, I have to warn you, my husband is
dressed rather casually.
This isn’t for television.
OMAR
SUSAN
He’s out on the terrace. It’s his favorite place.
(calling out) Rusty, we have a guest.
(Rusty has transformed
himself and is dressed in the
trousers, shirt, suspenders,
and loafers from before.)
SUSAN
(surprised at Rusty’s appearance)
former student Omar Gonzalez.
Oh!
Rusty, this is my
RUSTY
Omar.
Pleased to meet you.
(Rusty and Omar shake hands.)
OMAR
Mr. Shepard, I am very pleased to meet the husband of such
an excellent teacher.
Call me Rusty.
Call me Susan.
RUSTY
SUSAN
26
Rusty and Susan.
(to Rusty)
story.
OMAR
A pleasure beyond words.
SUSAN
Omar has a few questions to round out his
RUSTY
What kinds of questions?
OMAR
What’s it like being married to an ESL teacher?
inspiring as Mrs., I mean, Susan?
Someone as
SUSAN
Wonderful question. Okay, I’m going to let you two talk
while I get some refreshments.
RUSTY
Tell her what you like to drink, Omar.
SUSAN
How about we open a bottle of chilled sauvignon blanc?
feel like celebrating. I mean, this is what a teacher
dreams of: The day her student is all grown up and
speaking English so well.
I
OMAR
Thank you.
SUSAN
Not to mention, school’s out. (sotto voce)
he’ll be talking to me.
School’s out.
School’s out.
Pretty soon
OMAR
RUSTY
SUSAN
Omar, I’m so glad you’re here.
(Susan exits.)
I don’t give interviews.
RUSTY
27
OMAR
It’s just a college newspaper.
RUSTY
No interviews.
I meant.
Relax.
No.
OMAR
Of course not. Did I say something wrong?
RUSTY
I just don’t give interviews.
I don’t bite.
OMAR
Oh. Well. I interviewed Susan at the school, in my old
classroom, where I learned English. You have a beautiful
home.
I like the terrace.
the birds.
RUSTY
Like to watch the world go by, scare
OMAR
Sir? My college newspaper. It’s online. I’m writing
about people who teach English as a Second Language. May I
ask you about your wife’s profession?
RUSTY
I stopped reading the papers.
OMAR
I can see that you are a lucky man.
Susan is a lucky woman.
And that must mean
RUSTY
Lucky? According to Congress and the American public and
the journos out there, people like me screwed everyone so
bad we should be strung up on the town square.
OMAR
Oh.
Okay.
RUSTY
You think that’s okay?
No.
Not okay.
OMAR
28
RUSTY
Well maybe it is okay, but where would we be if – whoa.
You’re good. Getting me talking like that. Hey, I’m not
doing any interviews. Got that? What I just said was off
the record. Otherwise, you’re going off the terrace.
(Susan enters with a tray of
white wine, nuts, and a bowl
of dry cereal.)
Here we are.
SUSAN
Rusty will you do the honors?
(Rusty pours, without ever
looking at Susan.)
RUSTY
(to Omar) Tell her there’s no interview happening here or
you’re going off the terrace.
(to Susan)
OMAR
I am not interviewing.
SUSAN
Tell him this isn’t about him. It’s about me, Rusty.
Haven’t you anything to say? I’ve been teaching since the
day you met me.
RUSTY
We’re just having a drink, isn’t that right, Omar?
SUSAN
Ask him how many calls he made today.
Go ahead.
Ask.
RUSTY
Omar, you know when people are falling from buildings it’s
a heart attack that usually kills them.
SUSAN
Ask him why he turned away from me when I came in the room.
RUSTY
Omar, are you from the Middle East?
No.
No I’m from –
OMAR
29
SUSAN
Tell him he didn’t answer the first question.
the calls?
What about
RUSTY
Susan loves foreign travel, the more exotic the better. I
took her to Istanbul. Why? Because she wanted to go. As
for her pointed questions, tell her I made five calls.
Caller number five picked up the phone and he came right
up.
Who?
SUSAN
Who did you meet with?
RUSTY
Tell her my meetings are of a confidential nature and
always have been.
SUSAN
Ask him if he made an appointment with Dr. Metcalf.
RUSTY
Are we ever going to move on? She is making this harder on
herself. As for Dr. Metcalf, tell her I had to let her go.
It was difficult but necessary. I did it gently, with a
smile.
You fired your therapist?
SUSAN
Great.
RUSTY
My turn: Ask her why she responded so rudely when I
sniffed her crotch when she came in the door?
SUSAN
(disgusted) Rusty! (graciously) Omar, please, have some
nuts. The cereal is for Rusty. It’s all I can get him to
eat these days.
OMAR
I’ve never been married before, but I think it’s common to
have these kinds of . . . whatever this is.
SUSAN
He barks at me.
30
RUSTY
That would be a silly thing to do.
OMAR
I think it is common for husbands to bark at their wives at
a certain point in marriage.
At a certain point?
have our hearing.
RUSTY
How old do you think we are?
We still
SUSAN
And that’s about all we have. Ask him what I’m wearing.
RUSTY
Clothes. She’s wearing clothes. Elegant clothes.
looks great.
You have no idea.
And she
SUSAN
You don’t look at me any more.
OMAR
I think I should be going.
RUSTY and SUSAN
(together)
Don’t leave.
Tell us about yourself.
RUSTY
Where do you go to college?
OMAR
I’m a sophomore at the Borough of Manhattan Community
College.
RUSTY
What are your life goals?
OMAR
I want to be a journalist and have a beautiful wife and
raise a family and enjoy a view of the park. And I’d like
to have a dog. I am afraid I’m a dreamer. Still, I think
this is the country for dreaming big. That’s what my
mother told me. It would be a shame to stop dreaming.
31