1. family and parenting
2. children

PTA Meeting Minutes for March 12, 2012
Social Networking:
How Social Networking Relates to Today’s Students
The meeting was held in the Boynton library. During the program, several members of our
community spoke about teens, social networking, texting, Internet use, and related topics. Each
panelist spoke for 5–10 minutes, and then the panel fielded questions from the audience.
Note that the PDF version of these minutes contains all the handouts.
Minutes taken by Tonya Engst, DeWitt PTA Secretary
Janice Johnson, Tompkins County Department of Youth Services
Janice gave a presentation called “Teens and Mobile Phones.” Her detailed PowerPoint slides
are included later in this document. Here are some of the points from her presentation:
* Communicate about any desired rules before you give a mobile phone to a teen.
* Consider how you will train your child to use the phone appropriately and how will you help
them practice?
* 2010 Youth Development Survey of 6–8th graders in Tompkins County: 35% of middle
schoolers don’t have a mobile phones, 14% of high schoolers don’t have one. 1 in 5 use their
phone after their parents are in bed. 10% of middle schoolers and 41% of high schoolers use
their phones at school.
* If you are being bullied by phone/text, you can change phone number for free.
* You can suspend services to a cell number, but phone can still be used for 911.
* Research the features offered by your teen’s phone’s carrier:
---Look on the carrier’s website for services called something like “restrictions.” For
example, you can probably restrict different types of mobile phone services on a timebased basis, such as during sleeping times And you can block up to 10 incoming
numbers for an account.
---AT&T and Verizon, for instance, have Locator services, so you can tell where your
student is. Receive updates when a particular phone arrives or leaves certain locations.
---Check on content filters offered by the carrier.
---You can look at the cell phone’s account to see what time of day and where text and
voice conversations are coming from and going to, and for how long, and more.
* What about using phone as alarm clock? FYI, in most cases a phone can have everything
turned off except for the alarm.
Jarett Powers, Principal at Ithaca High School
Here are the highlights from Mr. Powers’s detailed comments:
Pros of Text Messaging and Internet Use
* Kids learn how to socialize and learn what’s appropriate in the online context.
DeWitt PTA Meeting Minutes for March 12, 2012!
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* Quick way to share information among people, or to check on facts.
* Colleges use text messages to communicate with students, for example if a student was
awarded a scholarship.
* Kids can use text messages to communicate with parents about when they will need a ride
home from field trips, or to tell them about weather-related cancellations.
Downsides of Text Messaging and Internet Use
* Information can come from anonymous sources. For example, a student could receive a scary,
harassing, or inappropriate text message from a stranger.
* Kids might get on Facebook and use it for trash-talking about an upcoming sports event and
then later during the real-life event, the talk that’s already happened online can change the tone
of that event.
* Texts about when a fight is planned can circulate widely, causing the fight to have a lot more
people showing up at it.
* Information might be unwanted:
---For example, in the case of sexting, kids might do it for attention or to harass. To
shock or to gain power over someone else.
---For another example, cyber-bullying. Cyber-bullying usually occurs outside the
school day, say at 3 AM on Facebook. Students sometimes say truly horrid things to one
another. Sometimes cyber-bullying can “materially disrupt the school day,” and if that
occurs, the school can invoke the code of conduct to deal with it. Mr. Powers hopes that
adults will trust the school enough to call and share what’s going on if problems occur. A
problem could be handled through discipline, mediation, social work, etc.
---A third example is posting of photos or videos in inappropriate ways. With a cell
phone camera, photos can be taken and posted on the Internet (Facebook, My Space,
etc.) and the nature of the picture or video can be disruptive. For example, some
students videotaped a fight instead of doing anything to stop the fight or report it, and the
tape was posted on YouTube.
How to Prevent Problems
* Try to work with kids to help them think about what their online identity is—what do they really
want to put out there?
* The school tries to block social media sites on the school computers, but it can’t block what
kids are getting on their mobile phones.
Janet Aboud, IHS Associate Principal
The Ithaca High School senior class has a Facebook page, which seems to be a pro of the
entire social networking situation, but what she spends her time on is when problems occur with
social networking etc., so she knows more about the problems then about what’s working well.
The people who run Ithaca High aren’t interested in extending the school’s responsibility to the
entire realm of what kids do on the Internet, but they don’t want school disrupted by its use, and
they’d like the kids to get the positive benefits without suffering from the negatives.
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There was a Twitter situation in the fall, involving maybe 40 families, where the school called
families to make sure they knew what was going on, so that the families could have
conversations and so that students can learn how to use social networking appropriately.
Don’t hesitate to call her if a problem occurs, and strive to keep communication going with your
teen. She is most concerned, in fact, about what’s not being brought to her attention--kids who
might be afraid to speak up if they are being harassed.
Lyn Staack, Youth Educator at The Advocacy Center
Lyn is part of the Technology and Communication Program at The Advocacy Center in Ithaca
(http://www.theadvocacycenter.org/). For a parent trying to think about supporting a child using
social media and the Internet, she shared these observations:
* As a parent it can be helpful to ask your child what they see as the pros and cons of a
situation, as a a way to have a conversation.
* Don’t be afraid to parent in this area. Check on your kids’ cell phone use, or friend your kid on
Facebook and see what’s there. Charge phones in a central spot in the house, not in the
bedroom. Talk about (and model...) when it is appropriate to text. Talk about (and model ) what
kind of information is appropriate to text.
* Curiosity is normal (i.e. about sex), but the amount and range of information available on the
Internet is enormous and might be overwhelming.
* Technology makes communication more interactive. Students don’t just consume (as parents
might have in the old days when technology was mostly from big companies to viewers, like oldfashioned TV), they also create.
* Communication with digital technology is often immediate. In the old days, getting a photo was
a long process where you had to purchase film, load the film into an analog camera, take the
photos, and then have the film processed. Now, a camera can take and send a picture in only a
few seconds. But, the picture is potentially permanent on the Internet.
* Communication on the Internet is often unmoderated and impersonal. You might not know who
you are really talking to. How do you know if you can trust someone? How do you evaluate if
something is true? These are skills that need to be learned, and parents may need to stay
checked-in, in order to help.
Celia Clement, Social Worker at Northeast Elementary School
Celia shared many observations; here are the highlights:
* You are allowed to join Facebook once you are 13 years old, but many lie about their age and
join earlier. And sometimes parents aren’t even aware that they have.
* For younger kids, monitor what they are texting until you see that they can handle the
responsibility. From the beginning it is very important to set expectations.
* Have a central station where phones get charged at night, so that kids don’t use the phones at
night. This is very common. There is a health issue with not getting good sleep. Plus kids are
tired and not thinking as rationally, so it’s an especially poor time to text.
* Make sure kids know that they aren’t allowed to bring phone to table, or whatever the rules are
at your house.
DeWitt PTA Meeting Minutes for March 12, 2012!
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* Addiction can happen. As in Farmville, which is a Facebook game. Or World of Warcraft is
another example.
* She suggests that you limit kids’ time with electronics, and make sure they spend time outside
and that they spend time with friends face-to-face. It is important for kids to learn to
communicate face-to-face when they are angry or upset, since text messages or email
messages about those emotions often don’t work out well.
* If kids switches screens as soon as you walk in, that’s a sign that your child is trying to hide
something.
* Ask your child questions about what they are doing. If you ask, they will often tell you quite a
lot. Frequent conversations with kids can be a good idea.
* Kids need to learn how to handle email chain letters—they should not forward them.
* Communications received on a computer, as well as text messages can often be traced. A
good way to handle that for middle schoolers, if you can figure out where a message came
from, is for you (the parent) to call the parent of the student who did it. It’s best if that behavior
gets shut down and the student doesn’t learn that they can get away with it.
* Check on which apps they’ve downloaded. Note that iPod touches can download apps too,
even though they aren’t smartphones.
Questions
What about playing games or interacting with people anywhere in the world who
are strangers?
Keep in mind that this is much safer than seeing strangers in real life and actually they are likely
just playing an online game with the stranger)--it’s not inherently dangerous. BUT kids need to
know not to give out their personal contact info or agree to meet people.
Clearly different parents and children will have different comfort levels, and this was expressed
by various meeting attendees.
A parent suggested using a program called NetNanny to control quite a lot about how a
computer is used, not just in terms of time, but in terms of content.
The Parent Caregiver area of ICSD Website anti-bullying area apparently has links to some of
these tools.
Another parent suggested getting rid of bad ads with a tool called Ad Block Plus.
Health effects of wireless communication?
Cancer? Addiction? Waste of time? (kids bring each of these up as effects that they are
concerned about)
As a parent, you can ask yourself: how do these technologies effect relationships? Can this
child self-regulate or how can I help them learn how to do so?
Students may need to learn not to use text messaging abbreviations in formal writing. Also, they
need to keep up penmanship because occasionally it still happens that you need to do
handwriting, such as a small portion of the SAT.
DeWitt PTA Meeting Minutes for March 12, 2012!
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If something is typed, and the spell check and grammar check OK’d it, is it done? Kids
sometimes think it is, but they are often wrong.
In a lot of online interactions, a little bit is fine and you get normalized and then all the sudden it
can become too much. For example, how many times in a relationship is it nice to get a text and
when is it too much? You slide into it before you realize it. Remember, MISTAKES WILL BE
MADE. This is a learning process for parents and students.
What is in code of conduct about technology?
For the school to take action it must be a material disruption of the school day. Classroom
disturbance, for instance. School also might advise and support a family in contacting law
enforcement.
Three places where these topics come up in the code of conduct:
* When using a school computer, students must use the technology for purposes that are
educationally sanctioned, so, for example, no pornography, no drug deals, no communication
about where alcohol is.
* When you can and can’t use a personal electronic device, and when a device could be
confiscated and returned.
* Harassment section has a section about cyber-bullying.
A parent spoke earnestly about the need for parents to converse with their kids about what they
might find out there in the world, whether it’s physical stuff, older media, or Internet.
Can IHS just shut down cellphone use in class?
* In some cases cellphones are used as part of class.
* It is up to the teacher.
* Kids can get very upset, so it can be very disruptive to the class.
* This is challenging.
Is school teaching kids how to evaluate Internet information with a critical eye?
* Librarians share information about good sites.
* Social studies classes work on media literacy.
* Middle schools are developing a Digital Literacy curriculum.
Ideas for having a meaningful conversation?
* Start young.
* Start with harmless questions.
* Ask if a thing you are concerned about has happened to some other kid.
* Ask your teen’s friends, but not in way that will embarrass your kid.
DeWitt PTA Meeting Minutes for March 12, 2012!
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Tips and Tricks to monitor cell phones and other things a cell phone can
do!
Most Cell phone companies have controls you can put on cell phones that you are the
primary owner of. So if you have a family plan you can put controls on your children's
phones. Many of these service can be done on your carriers web site (Verizon, AT&T,
etc.). The services are also outlined in detail on the carriers web page. You will need a
member log in account to begin. If you have an account you can look up any phone that
is on your account and see the time, length of call, and phone number that has been made
or received for voice calls. You can also see the time and number for any text messages,
if it was sent or received, and approximate location of where it was sent from.
Some services are free, others you need to pay for.
> Get a phone number changed due to harassment or bullying.
> Suspend Service due to a lost phone.
> Put time use restrictions for certain times of the day or days of the week.
> $$ Usage controls that set allowances for voice and messaging usage; can restrict
voice and data services during designated times of day or week; block calls and
messages; block 411 calls, block private callers; create a list of trusted numbers.
> $$ Smart Lines: set the number of minutes and texts, set dollar amounts for
downloads, set web browsing amounts, set times of day phone can'be used, who
the phone can call/text incoming and out going.
> $$ Family locator: find out where the phone is and get alerts when the phone
reaches certain destinations.
> $$ Trusted numbers lets those numbers receive test messages and phone calls
even after all the minutes are used.
> Content Filters allows you to put filters for certain age ranges so appropriate data,
and down loads can only be done for the age range you choose. 7+, 13+, 17+
Teens and Mobile
Phones
Sunday, March 25, 2012
1
 TX
(Thanks) for having me.
 MHOTY
(My hats off to you) for being
concerned about this topic
 H2S
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Because texting is (here to stay)
2
2010 Youth Development Survey





Most Students have cell phones: 35% of middle
schoolers don’t, 14% of high schoolers don’t.
One in five students use their cell phones after
their parents were in bed.
9% confessed to sending or forwarding gossip.
2% forwarded embarrassing photos or threats.
10% of middle and 41% of high school students
used their cell phones during school.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
3
Teens & Mobile Phones
 According
to Pew Internet & American Life
Project:



Cell phone texting has become the preferred
channel of communication between teens and
cell phone calling is second.
1 in 3 teens send more than 100 messages a
day, or 3,000 a month.
Boys typically send & receive 30 texts a day;
girls 80.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
4
PEW Research Continued:
 64%
of parents look at the contents of
their child’s cell phone.
 62% have taken away their child’s phone
as punishment.
 46% of parents limit the minutes their
children may talk.
 52% limit the times of day they may use
the phone.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
5
Cell phones a mixed blessing:
 98%
of parents who’s teens own cell
phones say it is so they can stay in touch.
 94% of parents and 93% of teens say they
feel safer due to their cell phones.
 94% of cell users age 12-17 say cell
phones give them more freedom.
 83% use their phones to take pictures.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
6
Cyber Misuse!
 54%
of text using teens have received
spam or other unwanted texts.
 26% have been bullied or harassed
through text messages & cell calls.
 15% of teens say they have received a
sexually suggestive nude or nearly nude
image of someone they know.
 Older teens are more likely to receive
“sexts” than younger teens.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
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How Can We Manage
Our Teens Phones
Sunday, March 25, 2012
8
Change a phone number
 Most
carriers will change your phone
number for free if you are being harassed
or bullied. This is true for children as well
as adults.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
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Suspend Service
 Free
from Verizon and AT&T.
 Can be used if a phone is lost or stolen to
avoid unauthorized use.
 Calls can still be made to 911 and 611
(customer services).
Sunday, March 25, 2012
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Time Restrictions
 Verizon
free service
 Time restrictions limit and control your
child’s use of his or her cell phone during a
certain time or day or day of week.
 You can add up to 10 restrictions for each
account member.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
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Usage Controls





$4.99 Verizon
Sets allowances for voice and messaging usage.
Controlled line receive text alert when nearing
allowance.
Oversight line gets free text when allowance has
been met.
Can restrict voice, messaging, and data services
during designated times of day or days of week.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
12
Usage Controls Continued
 Block
calls and messages with up to 20
numbers.
 Block calls to 411 Directory Assistance
 Block calls from numbers listed as private,
restricted, or unavailable
 Create a list of trusted numbers, wireless
or landline.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
13
Smart Lines for Wireless
 AT&T
$4.99 per month.
 Online set up that allows you to:
 Set number of text and instant messages.
 Dollar amount of downloadables.
 Amount of web browsing.
 Times of day the phone can be used.
 Who the phone can call/text incoming and
out going.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
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Family Locator
 Verizon
& AT&T $9.99 per month
 Must have a family share plan
 Locate your families phone from Verizon
wireless device or the web.
 Receive scheduled updates of locations.
 Can be used for recurring events (curfews,
end of shift)
 Flexible schedule entry, daily, weekly, etc.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
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Family Locator Continued
 Can
be sent to multiple recipients.
 Receive updates when your family
member leave or arrive at locations that
you define such as school, home, soccer
practice.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
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Trusted Numbers
 $4.99
per month per line Verizon
 Trusted numbers are numbers that are
available for calling and messaging
regardless of usage or time restrictions.
 Can contain up to 20 numbers mobile or
landlines
Sunday, March 25, 2012
17
Content Filters
 Free
from Verizon and AT&T.
 Use Parental Controls to safely allow
children to access content that is age
appropriate.
 For mobile web devices, music
downloads, video down loads, etc.
 Content ratings ages 7+, 13+, 17+.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
18
Using Phone for Alarm Clock
 Many
teens say they need to take their
phone to bed because they use it as their
alarm clock!
 For most phones you are able to turn off
all vibrate and noise alerts except for your
alarm
 Some phones can turn completely off and
will turn back on when it is time for the
alarm to ring.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
19
Texting a New Language
BFN = Bye for now BRT = Be right there
PRW = Parents are watching
R= are
PRT = Party
LOL = Laughing out loud
KOTL = Kiss on the lips
For more text language go to:
Mob1le.com or Netlingo
Sunday, March 25, 2012
20
Internet Resources
 There
is a lot of information about cell
phone and internet safety on internet!




Connectsafely.org
OnGuard Online
NCPC.org (National Crime Prevention
Council)
Pewinternet.org
Sunday, March 25, 2012
21
Discussion
Sunday, March 25, 2012
22
>«
Top 50 Popular Text & Chat Acronyms: 1. 2moro - Tomorrow
2. 2nite - Tonight
3. BRB - Be Right Back
4. BTW - By The Way
5. B4N - Bye For Now
6. BCNU - Be Seeing You
7. BFF - Best Friends Forever
8. CYA - Cover Your Ass -or- See Ya
9. DBEYR - Don't Believe Everything You Read
10. DILLIGAS - Do I Look Like I Give A Sh**
11. FUD - Fear, Uncertainty, and Disinformation
12. FWIW - For What It's Worth
13. GR8-Great
14. ILY-1 Love You
15. IMHO - In My Humble Opinion
16. IRL-In Real Life
17. ISO-In Search Of
18. J/K-Just Kidding
19. L8R-Later
20. LMAQ - Laughing My Ass Off
21. LOL - Laughing Out Loud -or- Lots Of Love
22. LYLAS - Love You Like A Sister
23. MHOTY - My Hat's Off To You
24. NIMBY - Not In My Back Yard
25. NP - No Problem -or- Nosy Parents
26. NUB - New person to a site or game
27.0IC-Oh, I See
28. OMG - Oh My God
29. OT-Off Topic
30. POV - Point Of View
31. RBTL - Read Between The Lines
32. ROTFLMAO - Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Ass Off
33. RT - Real Time
34. THX or TX or THKS - Thanks
35. SH - Sh" Happens
36. SITD - Still In The Dark
37. SOL - Sh" Out of Luck
38. STBY - Sucks To Be You
39. SWAK - Sealed (or Sent) With A Kiss
40. J_FH - Thread From Hell
41. RTM orRTFM - Read The Manual -or- Read The F"*ing Manual
42. TLC - Tender Loving Care
43. TMI - Too Much Information
44. TTYL - Talk To You Later -or- Type To You Later
45. TYVM - Thank You Very Much
46. VBG - Very Big Grin
47. WEG - Wicked Evil Grin
48. WTF - What The F"*
49. WYWH - Wish You Were Here
50. XOXO - Hugs and Kisses
Parent Tip Sheet
Common Sense on Social Networking
It's all about hanging with friends —
online.
It's 8:30 on a school night — do you know where your
child is? Sure, he's at his computer, but if he's like
most kids, he's on a social networking site. Do you know
what he's doing? It's a whole other world and well
help you understand (instead of worry) where your kids
are hanging out.
Some facts
Sites like Facebook and MySpace have privacy
controls.
Some sites require kids to be older than 13 to have
a profile, but younger kids set up accounts anyway.
Social networks keep kids connected to friends
and provide a space for self-expression.
There are no guarantees of privacy (even with
settings) — anything can be cut, pasted, and sent.
Inappropriate pictures, posts, or messages can
result in damage to a kid's reputation.
Kids can "tag" (or identify) their friends; this can
violate their friends' privacy.
What are social networks?
Social networks are places where kids can hang out
together online. These networks range from Club Penguin
and Webkinz (for young kids) to MySpace and Facebook.
The sites work pretty simply: people who sign up get a
profile to post pictures, artwork, and links to songs; write
about what they enjoy; and connect with friends. Social
networks have become extensions of kids' social lives and
wonderful places for self-expression. Social network
sites are major communication hubs providing ways for
kids to use instant messaging, "friend" one another,
and "write on walls" to share public and private thoughts
and comments. Social networks also have games,
quizzes, and applications that let you do everything from
give a virtual hug to buy a friend a virtual beer.
Why social networking matters
Young people today feel a lot of social pressure to use
social networking sites. Connecting with friends, creating
and sharing photos and videos, and playing games on
these sites have all become important parts of kids' lives.
Unless your child uses privacy controls, everything he
says about himself in pictures or words will be available
for all the world to see. And people do see these pages —
strangers, college admissions officers, even potential
employers. Kids are savvy enough to post things, but not
always mature enough to understand the consequences
of doing it.
Even if your kids think they have figured out their
privacy controls, there are different ways to get into
people's pages. That's why revealing personal infor
mation is worrisome.
common)sense
media
Parent tips for young kids
Parent tips for high school kids
» Stick with age-appropriate sites. For kids 5-8,
there are sites with strong safety features that help kids
play without risking inappropriate content or contact.
» Talk about the nature of their digital world. Remind
them that anyone can see what's on their pages —
even if they think no one will. Potential employers and
college admissions people often surf these sites. Ask
your teens to think about who might see their pages
and how they might interpret the posts or photos.
Parent tips for middle school kids
» Facebook and MySpace wont let kids have sites
if they are under 13. That said, kids simply do
the math to figure out what year to put so they'll
seem 13 — or older. Check your computer browser
histories. If you see either site, then assume your kids
have an account.
» Tell your kids to think before they post Remind
them that everything can be seen by a vast, invisible
audience (otherwise known as friends of friends
of friends). Each family is different, but for middle
school kids it's a good idea for parents to have access
to their kids' pages, at least at first, to be sure that
what is being posted is appropriate. Parents can help
keep their children from doing something they will
regret later.
» Set some rules for what is and isn't appropriate
for your kids to communicate, play, and post
online. Posts with photos or comments about youthful
misbehavior may come back to haunt them.
» Let them know that anything they create or
communicate can be cut, altered, pasted, and sent
around. Once they put something on their pages, it's
out of their control and can be taken out of context and
used to hurt your teens or someone else. This includes
talk and photos of sex, drugs, and alcohol. Tell them
that online stuff can last forever. If they wouldn't
put something on the hallway in school, they shouldn't
post it on their pages.
» Make sure they set their privacy settings. Privacy
settings aren't foolproof, but they're important. Take
the time to learn how privacy settings work on your
kids' favorite sites, and teach your kids how to control
their privacy.
» If they meet someone, it had better be in a public
place, preferably with a friend. We would all like
to think that kids wouldn't meet strangers — but
sometimes they do. If your kids want to meet an online
friend, let them know that you want to meet that
friend, too.
» Remind them of the golden rule. If your children
wouldn't want someone saying it to them, they
shouldn't say it to anyone else.
» Watch the clock. Social network sites can be real time
suckers. Hours and hours can go by — which isn't great
for getting homework done.
» Kindness counts. Lots of sites have anonymous
applications like "bathroom wall" or "honesty boxes"
that allow users to tell their friends what they think
of them. Rule of thumb: If your children wouldn't say
it to someone's face, they shouldn't post it.
» Go online. Get an account for yourself. See what kids
can and can't do.
>2010 www.commonsense.01g
Common Sense Media, an independent nonprofit. Is dedicated
to improving the lives of kids and families by providing the
trustworthy Information, education, and Independent voice they
need to thrive in a world of media and technology.
Winter 2012
^ Childproofing:
j Cyber Safety
A Note from TST BOCES Youth Development
Adults arc a powerful influence in the lives of teens and the decisions they make.
In October 2010, New York State youth in grades 7T2, including Tompkins
county, participated in the NYS Office of Alcoholism & Substance Abuse Services
(OASAS) Youth Development Survey. The survey results clearly show that youth
listen to adults, watch their behavior and follow their advice. While this may
come as a surprise to some, it reinforces the importance of keeping the doors of
communication open with our youth as they enter and navigate their way through
the teen years. Talking to our kids about important issues such as safe use of
technology and cyber bullying helps them make positive choices and shows them
we care. As parents and guardians, know that you are not alone in creating a safe
and caring community for your kids. Please contact the Youth Development staff
at any time if you need additional information, support or strategies for talking to
teens about their wellness. We can be reached at (607) 257-1551.
Wishing you quality time with your families, and wonderful memories
throughout the year!
Sincerely,
Amanda Verba, Jennifer Astlcs, Amy Cullen,
Meredith DePol, Alicia Grey,& Jennifer Hillman
Parents make a difference!!
Survey Says... j
Students with clear family rules are less likely to
use a cell phone :
• At home or school when he/she was not supposed to.
• To forward rumors or gossip via text message.
• To send or forward embarrassing pictures of someone
else.
• To text or forward threats to someone.
Inside this issue:
Docs your child have a
Facebook account?
2
Cyber-bullying vs.
Cyber harassment
Kinds of Cyber bullying
2
Top 10 Tips for Preventing
Cyber bullying
3
Discussion starters
4
Helpful websites
4
3
Tips For Talking With
Youth:
• Listen. Stop what you are doing
and look straight in their eyes.
• Don't lecture. Kids want quick,
factual answers and two way
conversations.
• Negotiate. Rules should be
discussed and consequences
negotiated.
• Read their body language.
Recognize what their
non-verbal communication is
saying.
Sec "Discussion Starters" on page
4 for more ideas about how to talk
with youth about technology.
Source: Hamilton Public Health Services
Students who did not use a cell phone to send, text,
or forward gossip or rumors also reported:
91 o,b
Of students
Lower instances of skipping
school
• Enjoying school more
• Lower marijuana usage
Less alcohol usage . Feeling close to their mother
Higher academic achievement and father
surveyed DO NOT
use their cell phone
to send, text or
forward gossip or
rumors.
Does Your Child Want a Facebook Account?
Here arc some helpful tips for establishing rules, monitoring and protecting
your kids on social networking sites like Facebook.
Remember-
You are NOT
being mean by
setting up these
rules, these are for
your child's
SAFETY.
Have complete access to
• Approve all photos/videos
before your child uploads
your child's page. Know
them.
This includes photos
your child's password, and
do not allow them to change
in which your child is
it without your permission.
"tagged."
Approve what information • An email of new posts,
added friends, etc. should
your child puts in their
come to the family's home
profile. This will stop them
from giving away too much
email address.
personal information.
• Limit the amount of time
Customize your child's
your child is allowed to
settings to make their profile
spend on Facebook.
safer (privacy, visibility, etc.)
If you don't have a
Facebook profile, now is a
good time to open an
account. Have them help
you do this!
"Friend" your child. This is
important because you will
then be able to see what they
arc doing online, and what
their friends put on their
walls.
Source: www.haltabuse.org Jayne A. Hitchcock (2010)
www.socialmediasorted.com
Cyber-bullying vs. Cyber-harassment
Cyber-bullying:
Cyber-harassment:
When a child, pretcen or teen is
tormented, threatened, harassed,
humiliated, embarrassed or
otherwise targeted by another
child, preteen or teen using the
Internet, interactive and digital
technologies or mobile phones
Threatening behavior or
unwanted advances directed at
another using the Internet and
other forms of online and
Source: www.stopcybcrhullying.org
\
computer communications
k.
.
Source: http://www.ncvc.org
NOTE: * Cyber-bullying refers to actions and messages between minors. If one of the people involved in the
exchange is an adult, it is cyber-harassment and may have different consequences than cyber-bullying.
Page 2
Kinds of Cyber-bullying
Physical Threats- Sending messages
that involve threats to a person's
personal safety.
Flaming &c Trolling- Sending or
posting mean messages intended to
"inflame" the emotions of others.
Photoshopping- Changing digital
images so that the person is placed in
a compromising or embarrassing
situation.
Identity Theft/lmpersonationStealing someone's password &
taking over their online accounts to
send or post incriminating or
Happy-Slapping- Recording
someone being harassed or physically
bullied, then posting the video online
for everyone to sec.
Rumor Spreading- Spreading gossip
through email, text message, or
networking sites.
humiliating pictures, videos or
information
Source: www.familiesonthego.org
Top 10 Tips
for Preventing Cyber-bullying
1. Establish rules. All rules for interacting with people in real life also apply for
interacting online or through cell phones. Cyber-bullying causes harm & pain
in the real world.
2. Encourage your school to have Internet Safety educational programming.
3. Educate your children about appropriate Internet-based behaviors. It is important for kids to know
that misusing technology can hurt their reputation, AND get them in trouble at school and/or with the
police.
4. Model appropriate technology usage. Don't harass or joke about others while online, especially around
your children. Don't text while driving. Your kids are watching and learning.
5. Monitor your child's activities while they are online. Actively participate in and supervise your child's
online use. It is always a good idea to keep the computer in a living/family room NOT in their bedroom.
6. Use filtering and blocking software. Remember, software programs alone will not keep kids safe or
prevent them from bullying others or accessing inappropriate content.
7. Look for warning signs. If your child becomes withdrawn or their Internet use becomes obsessive, they
could either be a victim or a perpetrator of cyber-bullying.
8. Utilize an "Internet Use Contract" and a "Cell Phone Use Contract". This helps create an
understanding about what is appropriate when using technology. To remind the child of this pledged
commitment, post these contracts in a place where it can easily be seen (e.g., next to the computer).
9. Cultivate and maintain an open, honest line of communication with your children. Victims of
cyber-bullying (and the bystanders who observe it) need to feel the adult they tell will step in and help in
a calm and rational way.
10. Teach and reinforce positive morals and values. Especially the importance of treating others with
respect and dignity.
Source: www.cyberbullying.us
Page 3
Discussion Starters: Talking to Your Child About Technology Safety
Video Games
Cell Phones
• Can we play some of your favorite games together?
• How do you respond if someone bothers you while you
are gaming online?
• How much do you let people know about you while
gaming online?
• What kind of people do you game with?
• Do you feel safe while you are gaming online? Why or
• What features do you use on your cell phone? Could you
show me how to use them?
Have you ever sent a text that was rude or mean?
How many numbers do you have stored in your phone? Do
you know them all in person?
Has anyone ever taken an embarrassing picture of you
without your permission?
Have you ever taken an embarrassing picture of someone
else? What did you do with it?
Have you ever talked with someone on your cell phone
that you first met online ?
What would you do if someone sent you a text or picture
that was inappropriate?
why not?
Facebook
• Do you have a Facebook account?
• Is your account set to private?
• How often do you post things on Facebook? (if you
have a facebook account be "friends" with your child)
• Have you ever been tagged in a picture by someone
without your permission?
• Who comments most frequently on your wall or posts?
• What do you do if someone writes something mean
about you in a post?
Blogs
Do you keep a blog? Could I read it?
Who do you think is reading your blog?
Would you feel comfortable letting anyone read your
blog?
Is your blog set to private? Why or why not?
What do you think your blog says about you?
Source: www.netsmartz.org
Definitions:
Flaming: An intense argument, that normally takes place in chat rooms, over instant
messages or email.
Pseudonym: An online alias or nickname.
.
.
who
Anonymity: When someone makes threatening comments to you, but is able to hide
they
are.
youth surveyed spent
~\ nr mnrp bniirc i wppb Masquerading: An elaborate form of cyberbullying where the bully pretends to be
. i. . t someone who they aren't.
socializing on the
internet Outing: The public display or forwarding of personal communications such as text
messages, emails or instant messaging.
Source: www.cyberbullying.info
Helpful websites
Cyber-bullying Research Center: www.cyhcrbullving.us
Stop Cyber-bullying: www.siopcybcrbullying.org
National Crime Prevention Council: www.ncpc.org/cyberbullying
Stop Bullying: www.stopbullying.gov/topics/cyberbullying
NetSmartz: www.nctsmartz.org/cybcrbullying
KidsHealth Cyber-bullying: kiclslu-alth.org/parent/positivc/ialk/cybcrbuUying.html
Page 4
Technology Safety Awareness
for Parents of Teens
"What we have learned from observing how kids
use the net, mobile phones, gaming devices and
other interactive technology is that there really is
no distinctioi ■ n online and offline
Interactive for teens and younger children
behaviors. Technology is woven into their lives.
netsmartz.com
They don't go oni y ARE online. So its really
about vouth safety— not InU
Site run by the National Center for Missing and
Larry Magid, co-director of ConnectSafely.org
Exploited Children. Safety information, videos and
activities for children from kindergarten to high school.
These sites all aim to provide parents and educators
thatsnotcool.com
information and tools to assist children and teens gain
the knowledge, attitudes and behaviors necessary to
use the Internet and other interactive technologies in
Animated site addresses topics such as when
texting becomes harassment, pressure to send nude
safe and responsible ways. They have different
pictures, and cyber privacy. Primarily middle school
audiencebut fun videos work with almost any group.
approaches, articles, activities, family contracts, and
guidelines for internet use, social sites, on-line gaming,
cell phone use, as well as information on sexual abuse
athinline.org
MTV's digital rights and abuse prevention campaign
behaviors, cyber bullying and digital dating abuse.
for teens.
safekids.com
safeteens.com
connectsafely.org
netfamilynews.org
A Parents' Guide to Facebook
coauthored by Larry Magid and Anne Collier, this
guide can be found through the safekids.com home
page. Provides parents with tools to help their
teens (or tweens) optimize privacy and safety on
Facebook and is regularly updated.
embracinKdiKitalyouth.org
Most recent program of the Center for Safe and
Responsible Internet Use and Executive Director
Nancy Willard. is currently still an active site
with professional and parent resources.
commonsense media.org
Nonpartisan, non-profit organization providing
information, tools and an independent forum
encouraging families to make choices about media as
well as technology in their lives.
Closely Related Topics
s t o p i t n o w. o r g
Has excellent materials for parents of younger children
on child sexual abuse prevention and family safety
planning.
respectlove.opdv.nv.gov
loveisrespect.orK
thesafespace.org
All three sites, from three different organizations, have
information, interactive activities, and videos to help
teens recognize, prevent or respond to teen dating
abuse. All include material and projects by teens.
sexetc.org
teenwire.org
Sexuality and relationship questions, answers and
articles written by teens for teens. Often include
questions about sexting, facebook creeping,
breaking up online, and technological harassment
along with peer pressure,
self confidence, teen health.
■.•»
Advocacy
607.277.5000 24 hour line 607.273.3203 office www.theadvocacycenter.org
It Now*
Together We Can Prevent the Sexual Abase of Children
Sexual Safety in Sports: Talking about Coaches
Who Show Inappropriate Interest in Kids
Too often, the news carries stories about a bus driver, teacher, or even coach who
sexually abused a child, stories that leave us wringing our hands. And yet, how many
of us know what to watch out for or how to talk to our child when the risk of sexual
abuse is more complicated than the scary guy at the playground offering them candy
to get in his car.
Stop it Now! prevents the
hilcireii
lilt's,
c,a;iii . and i pmiriun
totake aelions'that
pi it<. ■ chi}di'<gii before
':,.:. n harmed
To help parents, we've put together tips on how to talk with children and young
people about coaches or other adults who show signs of sexual interest in children.
Take time to learn to recognize and speak up before a child is harmed.
Talk about who sexually abuses children
90% of the time, children and young people are sexually abused by someone they
know. Children are most at risk to be abused by someone they have regular contact
with including relatives, coaches, teachers, neighbors, babysitters, etc. Use this
knowledge when talking about who sexually abuses children. Say, "What if a
neighbor asked you to look at some pictures of naked people, what would you do?"
Or, "what if the babysitter always comes in the bathroom without knocking? What
would you do?" Then talk to them about what they should do and say.
Talk about and help them recognize concerning behaviors.
People who sexually abuse children often show signs before they abuse. While there
is no foolproof warning sign, certain behaviors are cause for concern. Talk about why
it is important to tell a safe adult if anyone's behavior makes them uncomfortable.
Say, "Some people need help if they can't remember the rules for how to behave
around kids." Since most of the time children and young people know and often like
the person who abuses them, it is helpful to use neutral language like "the rules"
rather than talking about "perverts", "predators", etc
Talk about boundaries
People who sexually abuse children may disrespect or ignore a child's personal
space or tease or belittle them when they try to set a limit. Sometimes this adult will
hug, touch, kiss, tickle, wrestle with, or hold a child even when the child doesn't want
this contact or attention. Ask your child to talk with you or a safe adult if this happens
to them or to a friend.
Talk about inappropriate behavior between adults and children.
People who sexually abuse children can be more focused on relationships with kids
than with other adults. They may turn to a child for emotional or physical comfort or
share personal or private information or activities with a child or treat the child more
like a peer. They might allow kids to get away with inappropriate behaviors, or point
out sexual images or tell dirty or suggestive jokes or talk with them about sexual
interactions or images. They might be overly interested in the kids' bodies or their
dating relationships. Sometimes they will spend excessive time emailing, text
messaging, or calling children or youth. Ask your child to tell you or another safe
adult if this happens to them or a friend.
www.StopltNow.oiy
[email protected]
©2011 Stop It Now!
IStoD It Now!
Together We Can Prevent the Sexual Abuse of Children
PREVENTION TOOLS
Talk about how someone creates opportunities to sexually abuse children.
People who abuse kids often first build a relationship with the child. They may "test" the child to see how the child
reacts to different situations. For example, the adult may put their arm around a kid then move to hugging them or
asking them to sit on their lap. They might also give a child special treatment like buying them things, giving them
special privileges, offering alcohol or drugs or sharing sexual material, explaining that these are their (the adult's and
the kid's) special secret.
Talk with your child about these "tricks" and how, because they've enjoyed the extra privileges or attention, it could
make it harder for them to tell a safe adult. Tell them, "No matter what, other people aren't allowed to make you
uncomfortable by talking with you or touching you in ways that feel uncomfortable or that you don't like. When that
happens, tell a safe adult."
Talk about why it is important to tell a safe adult.
Talk with your child about how someone might discourage them from talking to a safe adult. Say, "Sometimes people
will scare you by saying Mom or Dad won't believe you or you'll get in trouble or even that it's your fault. But, Mom and
Dad will believe you and you won't get in trouble. Sometimes they'll even say they will hurt Mom and Dad or the family
pet. We know how to handle these things. We'll be safe and you'll be safer if you tell a safe adult."
Talk about and help them identify 'safe adults"
All children and young people need safe adults they can talk with, in addition to their parents. Ask your child who they
would talk to if they had a concern or were worried about something and you weren't available or they weren't
comfortable talking with you about this.
If your child can't come up with someone, help them think through who they might consider. If your child mentions
someone who you don't trust, talk with them about alternative adults. Say, "I want you to talk with these adults
whenever you feel scared, uncomfortable or confused about someone's behavior toward you."
Speak up when you see or experience concerning behavior
If a child reports behaviors that aren't explicitly sexual (for example, someone who gives them the creeps) don't ignore
it. At a minimum, talk with the person whose behavior is concerning your child. Don't accuse them. Instead describe
the behavior and ask them to stop. Say, "When you do XYZ, Jimmy doesn't like it. Please don't do that any more." If
you're uncomfortable talking directly with the person, report your concerns to someone in authority or ask another adult
to support you as you talk with the person.
If you observe interactions or behaviors that concern you, speak up. Say, "I'm uncomfortable when you hug Ana after
every race. How about high-fiving instead?" If your child suddenly loses interest in an activity they previously enjoyed
or tells you they want to quit, consider the possibility that someone has made them uncomfortable or unsafe. Support
their "no" while trying to understand what's behind it.
Report anything you know or suspect might be sexual abuse. While some professionals (e.g. teachers, child care
providers, etc.) are legally mandated to report their concerns about sexual abuse, anyone can make a report if they are
concerned a child has been or is at-risk to be sexually abused. If a child tells you about someone touching them or
asking them to touch them in a sexual way or showing them sexually explicit photos, report it. In most cases, start by
calling your local police. Don't feel you need to have proof. It is not your job to investigate or even to ask for more
details. Leave this up to the experts.
It can be hard to imagine someone you or your child knows could be sexually interested in kids. Without certain proof of
abuse, it's easy to dismiss such thoughts or think you're overreacting. You may also be worried about the possible
consequences of taking action, especially if the concern involves someone known and respected by other people.
Remember, your report may prevent other children from being harmed. To learn more, visit www.StopltNow.org.
This article first appeared in the Road Runners Club of America's magazine, Club Running, Winter 2010-2011.
Page 2
w w w. S t o p l t N o w. o r g i n f o @ S t o p t t N o w. o r g © 2 0 11 S t o p I t N o w !
■m ■.■■
' . ■..■.-■■*-.■.'
Underage Drinking:
The Power of Parents and Communities
Wednesday, April 4, 2012 6:30-8:00 PM
Location: TC3 Forum, Dryden
(use main entrance)
Why do teens drink? .
How much do they drink?
Why is it a problem?
And what can we do about it (to keep them safe)?
Featuring a panel presentation including:
• Overview of underage drinking in Tompkins County
. Stories & experiences of young adults in treatment
. Potential legal consequences to youth & adults
• Transitioning from high school behaviors to college
or workforce
• Tips for parents on effective strategies to keep kids
safe and alcohol-free
FREE!
All ^ Icome!
community coMJimri ro«
t
B www.healthyyouth.org
• Audience questions & answers
Sponsored by: Community Coalition for Healthy Youth of
Tompkins County with the assistance of:
:v
U.S. Substance
Abuse & Mental
Health Services
Administration
■
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