french Kiss 9

13 - 19 June 2014
IN 2 wEEKs
french Kiss
Six years in Berlin, two years in Copenhagen and sleeping mostly
in airports, Maïa Mazaurette likes to feel in-between. She’s a writer
of books and comics, a magazine columnist, radio personality and
professional blogger. She usually writes in French, but she’ll make
an exception for The Copenhagen Post.
Dating the Danes
Deep focus
IN 3 wEEKs
Halfway thoughts
brick by brick
Exhibits a and B in the crown prosecution's ongoing case against Maïa Mazaurette
He only way to get rid
of temptation is to yield
to it.”
dear oscar. shut up. you’ve
never lived in denmark. Therefore, you have no idea what
temptation is.
But I’ll tell you: temptation is when shops abandon in
the streets their food, flowers,
clothes, tools and furniture, so
anyone can steal it. temptation
is a bike without a lock.
ask questions like why don’t you
have rottweilers protecting your
house? same with rape: what
were you wearing? It’s a terrible culture, and I love walking
around in Copenhagen where I
can see flowers, chairs and even
antiques, left in total confidence.
I also love to see sexy girls, partying late, without fear. It makes
me proud for denmark, proud
to be here. and it’s a sign of a
well-functioning society.
a paradise for thieves
denMarK is a paradise for
thieves, and yet, a country of
almost irreproachable citizens.
I don’t see any danish miracles
in flexicurity, but I definitely
find them in supermarkets.
Their wide open doors. The absence of guards.
Where I come from, every
shop is like a high-security
prison. We have surveillance
everywhere: scans, rFId tags,
cameras, aggressive warnings,
angry guys at the exit. I’ve never seen unsupervised goods. If
you leave two rolls of toilet paper outside a shop, they will be
stolen in five minutes. at best.
even worse: in France, we
tend to blame the victim and
Like Xmas morning at 5am
tHe ProBleM is: am I a
well-functioning person? Well.
I’m challenged. I’m a greedy
child waking up on a Christmas morning. I could have
everything. steal everything!
eat everything! I could walk
out of a cocktail bar without
paying – without even running. I rarely see cops – where
are the police, and why don’t
they arrest me? If they could
read my thoughts, I would
write this column from jail.
and if this is some kind of
test, where is my graduation
ceremony? Where is my funny
hat and the party bus loaded
with beers? Hey … am I actually getting no reward for being
a good citizen?
I’ve never stolen anything in
my life. I certainly don’t intend
to start just because it’s suddenly possible, but temptation still
makes me feel like a terrible
human being. My values are
slack. I’m working on it. and at
times ... I fail.
I blame the coffee
so Here is my confession.
I sometimes ‘borrow’ a few
newspapers from this one shop,
because they’re so expensive
compared to France. I then go
and have a coffee and carefully
read my loot – paying attention
not to damage the pages. When
I am done, I return the newspapers to the shop, putting
them nicely back, exactly how
I found them.
I have never been caught. It
might change after this article,
or I might feel bad enough to
never indulge again. Couldn’t
I read the news online, or at
the public library? of course I
could. But the coffee wouldn’t
be as good.
I love good coffee. does it
make me unworthy of denmark? I plead guilty and ask for
IN 4 wEEKs
the balancing Act
straight up
You’re still Here
An Actor’s life