Not Like Us: Disenfranchised Grief in Care Settings JENNIFER MORAN STRITCH SCI/IASW CPD SEMINAR – FEBRUARY 25, 2015 “UNDERSTANDING CHILDREN, LOSS & BEREAVEMENT” What does disenfranchised grief mean?  Ken Doka  Doka (2002) “the grief that persons experience when they incur a loss that is not or cannot be openly acknowledged, publicly mourned or socially supported. (Doka, pxv)  where the relationship is not recognised  the loss is not acknowledged  the griever is excluded rather than supported What does having a franchise for grief mean? DISENFRANCHISED Loss that “doesn’t deserve your tears”  Suicide  Death from violence/crime/ “unsavoury” circumstances  Overdose/addiction  Death from misadventure  Death/emotional cutoff after sexual/physical abuse  Death after domestic violence  Separation/divorce  Loss of an extramarital affair  Death after an extramarital affair Secret Loss/Loss that is “less than”…            Sibling loss - both adult and child Miscarriage Infertility + treatment/interventions Abortion Termination for fatal foetal abnormalities Invisible illness Pet loss Loss that is not human but of a thing Presenting child for adoption – infant + Agreeing to put a child in care (family or system) Death of a co-worker (caring professions?) Not Like Us: “they don’t understand”  People with intellectual/physical disabilities  People with learning differences  People with Autism  People with mental illness  Elderly people  Children/Young People  People with Acquired Brain Injury  People with Dementia  People receiving service – incarceration, homeless, psychiatric, addiction  People who are “used to it” due to repeated loss Like us: strong, faithful, professional  Social care workers/social workers  Gardai  First responders  Doctors/nurses  Funeral & death professionals  Teachers/lecturers/counsellors/therapists  Clergy/chaplains  “the supporter/tea-maker/dishwasher”  Individuals with particularly strong/public religious beliefs -> afterlife When grief is disenfranchised…we are not honoured  Withdrawal from contact/expression  Unable to participate in public rituals  Unable to express sorrow or grief  Depression  Psychosomatic symptoms (particularly for children)  Increased risk of prolonged or complicated grief What can we do?            So much is internal work (hard to change society overnight!!) Love is love = grief is grief Give time to yourself to grieve this – practical ways? Acknowledge – name the thing (especially for others you support) Create safe/culturally meaningful & appropriate/real spaces/virtual spaces for: talking, remembering, writing, ritual, drawing, Group or individual – may need both simultaneously to work  Personal exercise for the caring professional….  Who in my network of relationships is the person most likely to:  ask how I am doing  be the person I can cry in front of/with  do practical things (help clean up, watch the kids so I can have some time, cover my shift, help me write a report, etc.)  notice I am not doing well tomorrow, next week, next month  start a conversation about the person/thing/relationship I have lost  Celebrate a happy memory with me  Tell me the truth  Be supportive 1 year from now  Thank you for sharing this time with me and others present….  Questions, comments, ideas?  [email protected]  Twitter: @stritchj References  Doka, K. (2002) Disenfranchised Grief: New Directions, Challenges and Strategies for Practice. Chicago: Research Press.